Date with Cents
Date with Cents
3 Mistakes Women Make In Conversation That Quietly Kill Connection
Ever had a promising conversation with a guy that just... fizzled? You're left overthinking your messages, or worse—realizing you've been carrying the entire conversation yourself.
If you're tired of matches that ghost, conversations that feel like interviews, or connections that die before they begin—this episode is your wake-up call. I'm breaking down three conversation mistakes quietly sabotaging your dating life, the same patterns that leave high-achieving women stuck in the friend zone or hearing "I'm not looking for anything serious" on repeat.
I'll show you what I do differently to create conversations that make men think about you long after you’ve stopped talking—practical approaches that transform lukewarm connections into genuine pursuit and interest.
Ready to stop wondering why your conversations aren't converting to real connections? Book a sales call to learn more about private 1:1 coaching with me. Book a sales call HERE to speak with me.
OTHER POPULAR RESOURCES:
Learn how to use your words to attract better men & create better dating experiences - The Conversations that Inspire Commitment Live Virtual Workshop
Read my online essay on why the way we date is broken- Modern Dating is Hard
Learn the basics behind attracting quality men and what it takes to build a rotation. - The Cuffing Season Retreat Bundle.
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@torahcents
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What's up, lover girl?
Speaker 1:Welcome back to the podcast. Not me clowning, I am recovering. I had a short but jam-packed field weekend with. I spent some time with Big Body. Benz went out to where does man live? Nashville. I went out to the Tennessee and we had a really, really great time. It was it was. It was great.
Speaker 1:Like I love the fact when I go out there I'm always getting like a home cooked meal because he cooks and I really just enjoy being able to work and eat a meal, work and eat a meal. And then also he is he. He knows that I love massages and I really care about getting them regularly, and so he also made sure he um, he got me one of those at like we did a couple's thing, but nonetheless it was. It was still very much therapeutic and yeah, and so I'm like every time I go on a trip regardless, like I have to recover, and so I'm recovering and that means that I didn't have a podcast in the queue to do. I'm like, girl, how do you make your life easier? You know you're tired, you know you got a trip back, you know that you don't want to feel overwhelmed. How can you make things easier for you and I was like we just about to go live and throw it on the podcast. So that's what we did Making life easier for me while also showing up for you at the same time. Going live is just as easy for me to create content, and I'm happy for this particular episode Three mistakes when making conversation that quietly kill connection.
Speaker 1:And then also at the very end, like I'm teaching for about 30 minutes and then there's a 30 minute Q&A, and so you're going to get a lot out of this, including information on how to join my upcoming conversations that inspire commitment workshop. So, without further ado, here is the episode. What's up, lover girls? Welcome back to the live. This live, I'm going to be talking about the three mistakes that women make in conversation that quietly kill connection, and this live is for you if you have found yourself having a lot of boring, unforgettable conversations with men that you find like it just doesn't go anywhere for you. If you are consistently finding yourself losing interest in the men that you're talking to. If you find yourself overthinking the texts that you send, or if you feel like you have been wasting a lot of time. If you've been wasting a lot of time with conversations that you're having with men or you feel like you've been friend zoned a lot like.
Speaker 1:This live is for you and it's sponsored by my upcoming workshop Conversations that Inspire Commitment. Okay, that workshop is happening April 19th to the 20th, starting at 10 am, going till about 1230 pm, central Standard Time, and in this particular workshop, I am going to be showing you exactly how to create conversations that actually lead to something. I will be teaching you how to create conversations that inspire pursuit, provision and actually real relationships, and I'll also be showing you how to actually create conversations where it's full of depth of connection, where you feel like you are in control, where you finally feel like you are in control. So if you're interested in attending that workshop, you can put CTIC in the comment section here. If you put CTIC in the comment section, you will receive a link and it will have so much more information on what you can learn about the workshop. Okay, so, yeah, this live is sponsored by that, and what I'm going to do is I am going to share the three mistakes that women make in conversation that quickly kill connection and, if I have time, at the end I will allow questions. So if you have questions, try to put them in the question box, because this chat goes, goes, goes, goes, goes, goes. All right, let's get into it. The three mistakes that women make in conversation that quietly kill the connection. Okay, so I was recently in a. I was invited as a guest in a container of one of my colleagues, kimberly from the Date Better Network. Shout out to Kimberly, love her.
Speaker 1:And I was talking about online dating. I was moving into that direction of talking about online dating and then one of the biggest frustrating concerns that the women brought up were I'm tired of having these kind of conversations that just fizzle out and they just don't go anywhere. I'm tired of starting conversations that are boring and just run out and I'm like, okay, well, let me, let me see your screen, let me see your dating app conversation, let me see your text messages. And so, as I was going through the text messages because 99.9% of the time, if you tell me this, I already know what mistakes are happening but I just wanted to show her the mistakes that were happening, and so I was going through the messages and I was showing, I was like, here it is, here, here's the mistake, here, here's what's happening there. And she was like, oh, I didn't see it that way. Everyone in the room were like we did not see it that way. We didn't know that we were making these mistakes or that it was causing us to not have the conversations that we want to have. And so I'm just like let me just go live on this before my workshop. I'll probably do a few more lives if you guys are open to it.
Speaker 1:But many of you on here, if you are experiencing the similar, the things that I'm talking about, you are making this mistake. So mistake number one is that you don't actually know why you're saying what you're saying. Here's what I mean by this. Typically, when we are in conversation specifically with men a man, I say something, we'll say something. A man, I say something, we'll say something. But we're just saying things to move the conversation along. We're saying things to create consistency, but we don't know why we're saying the things.
Speaker 1:I'll give an example. I'll have a client or someone in my audience and I'll look at the screenshot and I'll see the guy say something to them and then they'll be like hey, how was your day? And I'm like why did you ask him that? And she's like well, I just thought that was a good thing to ask, and I'm like that's not an answer. Why are you asking him how his day was? Do you even care about this man's day? And most of the time they're like no, I didn't really, I didn't really care. And I'm like why are you asking questions you don't want to know about? Why are these questions that you're actually asking that you don't even care about? Or I'll have a man, I'll see a screenshot where a man is saying like hey, what are you up to today? And they're like oh well, I'm running errands, I'm doing this, I'm doing that. And I'm like why did you, why did you send that message to him? Why did you tell him you were running errands?
Speaker 1:Now, there's nothing inherently wrong with telling a man you're running errands, but we're telling him for the sake of saying words. But we don't actually understand the purpose of why we're saying these words. And so I'm like why are you telling him I'm running errands? Well, because he asked. And I'm like no, anytime, like we're not supposed to be sending things to men to fill in the silence. We're not supposed to be sending things to men just to sound interesting or just to keep things going and just to keep the intention, because what happens is the conversation loses its power, the conversation loses its direction.
Speaker 1:There is no wonder why your conversations are fizzling out and going nowhere, because there is no intention behind anything. You don't know why you're saying what you're saying. You don't know why you're answering his questions. You don't know why you're responding. I had women say well, I responded it sounded like a nice thing to say, and I'm like you don't know why you're responding. I had women say well, I responded sounded like a nice thing to say. And I'm like we don't respond just because it sounds nice or polite or common or normal. We respond because it has an intention behind it, cause we are very clear at what we want to create in the conversation and that is why we send. That's the only reason why we send it, no other reason. And if you don't know why you're saying words, don't send shit. Don't send anything If you are not clear about what you're sending. And so, for example, for me, what I recommend you guys do and this is what I do Every conversation I have, every single thing I send out, has an intention.
Speaker 1:I don't send anything unless I'm very clear as to why I'm saying it. I'm not going to go back and forth unless I'm extremely clear as to why I'm saying am I sending this message because I want to create some playfulness in this conversation? I'm sending this message because I want to create a date? I'm sending this message because I want to create a date? I'm sending this message because I actually don't want to answer his question. Like, for example, if my intention of sending words is because I would like to guide us to a date or guide him to invite me on a date, I'm not going to be answering a bunch of his questions around oh, what do you do for a living? Or hey, like, what are you up to? Or hey, I'm not going to be doing that, because that is not the intention of just answering a man's random questions. So if he says there was a time, matter of fact, do I have it up. Let me see if I have it up. The time, matter of fact do I have it up, let me see if I have it up.
Speaker 1:Where this man was asking me a question around, what did I want to? Like, what was I doing for work during that day? And I was like, is that really what you want to know from me or would you really love to just hear my voice over a phone call? Because? Do we really want to talk about my work? Because I'm not about to do that. My intention is not to talk about my work. Therefore, I am not going to send you words about my work. I'm going to send you words based upon my intention, and my intention is to get us on the phone. That's my intention. My intention is for us to meet up in person. My intention is for us to meet up in person. My intention is for us to go on a date. Therefore, I am not going to entertain conversations where that is not happening. Okay, I hope this is making sense.
Speaker 1:If a guy is texting me good morning and I don't want to have a conversation or just a regular like simply, when guys say good morning, we like to default and just be like good morning. No, the intention. If you send me a good morning text and I don't want to do that with you, I might say something like hey, thank you for the gesture. However, I'm hoping you and I can connect more in a meaningful way, more than good morning text, I may say something like that. Or if you reach out to me and you say something like um, um, you reach out and you say, hey, what are you up to today? I'm not going to say what am I up to today If it does not include what I actually want to be up to today. I'm going to say that again I'm not going to tell you what I'm up to today If it doesn't include what I want to be up to today and that might be on a date, on a phone call.
Speaker 1:So if you're just sending me a message saying, hey, what are you up to today, I'm not going to be like, oh well, I got some coaching clients and I'm posting on my Instagram stories and I'm going to record a podcast. I'm going live and I'm not going to. Well, no, I'm going to be very clear about what I'm doing. Oh, um, I absolutely have some things I want to get caught up on today, but what I would like to be doing is going out with you. Would you like to invite me? What I would like to be doing is on a phone call with you. Would you like to call me around 630?
Speaker 1:I'm not going to be going back and forth with you about meaningless words that are not intentional and don't go anywhere and just move the conversation along, because that is where conversations go to die. If this is making sense to you, put a one in the comments. I want to be very, very clear about what I'm talking about today. If this is making sense to you, put a one in the comments. So that's mistake. Number one is that when you don't know the why behind your words, you end up performing instead of connecting, and that is why your conversations are dying, dying very fast. Okay, you need to make sure that every word you send, every conversation you create, has an intention. That's important, okay. Mistake number two you use conversations to check off the box. So that's mistake number two. Basically, what happens is typically, when most of us meet or match with men, we are creating conversations to evaluate men instead of engaging.
Speaker 1:So we ask surface level questions like what do you do, where do you live, what are you up to, how's your day? Not because we're actually curious, simply curious. It's because we feel like we should and we feel like it's we need to be vetting, we need to check off these questions that I asked this. I'm going to ask that I'm checking off the box, I'm just asking questions. You're either checking off the box to vet the man or checking off the box, because Torah gave me some questions and I think I should ask these questions and so I'm going to ask these questions. But when Torah asks questions, it's not a formula of why she's asking certain questions. She's asking these questions because it felt true in the moment, because it felt connective in the moment, because it felt loving in the moment, because it felt connective in the moment, because it felt loving in the moment, because it felt expressive in the moment, not because there was a formula. If I ask this question, I ask that question, I ask this question, then I'm going to get a result.
Speaker 1:No, when we are creating conversations to check off the box, to vet a man, to evaluate him, what happens is that again the conversation loses its power. It becomes transactional instead of transformational, because I'm only asking him questions to see if he qualifies. I'm only asking him questions so I can get a result. I'm only asking him questions so I can get a result. I'm only asking him questions so I can get an outcome. And if I don't get an outcome, if I don't get a specific result, if I don't figure out if he can be my man or not, I'm wasting my time. Why am I here? That is transactional, and if you're wondering why your conversations are fizzling out, or if you find yourself in a lot of surface level conversations with men who may not be emotionally available or men who do not want to pursue for commitment, it's because the conversations are very transactional versus transformational, because you're steady, trying to check off a box, check, check, that I asked this. Can I evaluate him here?
Speaker 1:Instead of treating your conversations like a checklist, one of the things that I always recommend, and what I do, is I use my conversations to be very curious, very curious to um, because I I one of my core values is connection. Okay, not to check out the boxes to see if he is going to be the one, or checking off boxes to see if I can going to be the one, or checking off boxes to see if I can get a result from this. And so, number one, I already trust that I'm worthy of love. Okay, I already trust that. And some of us are using our conversations to prove that we are worthy of love. Like, oh, if I can keep it going, if I can keep them interested, this conversation keeps going, then that must mean something. I don't do that I already trust that I'm worthy of love. This conversation doesn't define it. None of the conversations define it. So I let the conversation become a space to explore. Not a pass or fail test between either of us. Not a test, not a check the box. Not a test, not a check the box.
Speaker 1:And so my questions or the conversations are usually because I come from a place of curiosity. So if I actually so, I'm when, when, for example, I'm probably not going to ask how was your day, because it's too vague. It really doesn't give me a lot of insight as to what's happening with this man, and I'm very curious to know what's happening with this man. So I may, I may, ask something very specific, like, oh, like, what's one thing that you learned today? Right, what's one new thing that you learned today? You know, how was your day? That could go anywhere. I specifically want to know what you learned today and and I would like to connect on that I would love to know what lit you up today, and then our conversation can be centered around that. I don't care if you say you know, a random cat lit up your day. Nothing about that to me is going to scream boring. I get more excited because I'm like wow, like that simple thing lit you up. Oh, tell me more, tell me more about how this lit you up. I'm very, very curious as to how this is happening for you.
Speaker 1:So my questions are going to be very specific, my conversations are going to be very specific, because I'm curious and if he answers a question, what I, what I'm typically seeing right, I'll see clients come to me with screenshots or audience members come to me with screenshots and they'll ask a man a question and he'll answer it, and then I'll ask the question and got nothing to do with what he said. So if the man said oh yeah, I am, uh, I'm a, um, I'm a, I'm a lifeguard and I ride motorcycles on the weekend and I'm an astronaut, blah, blah, blah, blah, we just get to the next question I'm like I'm sorry, we weren't, we weren't curious enough about that. Like, oh, that's cool, and we'll just ask another question. That's how you know, it's check the box, because anything a man says next, I'm always going to be curious about it. I'm always going to want to dive deeper and like oh, wow, this is what you learned. Oh, wow, this is what you're up to these days. Listen, if this man responds back in some of the most simplistic way, I'm always going to have some curiosity around it. Okay, because the conversations are curious and the conversations I want to be connecting. Okay, when you lead with curiosity, the right men will show you more of themselves without you having to do a bunch of checking the boxes or vetting, if that makes sense.
Speaker 1:So if I'm curious about a man and I say, what did you learn today? He tells me nothing. I don't have to try to do a check the box question. It's kind of like oh, he learned nothing. Not my type, not my type. I'm't have to try to do a check the box question. It's kind of like oh, he learned nothing. Not my type, not my type. I'm not trying to get an outcome. But if he tells me, oh, I learned, blah, blah, blah, and I'm like oh, tell me more. Even if you might not be my man tomorrow, even if I never talk to you again a day in my life, I simply am just curious here.
Speaker 1:So that's mistake number two. And what I would do instead is use my conversations to be curious, to create a connection, instead of just trying to check off the boxes. Checking the boxes lead to boring, horrible, lackluster conversations that don't mean, don't lead to anything, very surface level, okay. And if you're dating a man for a long period of time with those surface level conversations, they don't turn into anything, okay. So mistake number three is that you're relying on men for the quality of the conversation. You're relying on men for the quality conversation.
Speaker 1:So oftentimes, when I ask women to show me conversations that they're having with men, I'll see the men say, hey, beautiful, how are you? And they're like hey, and the man is like hey, so what are you up to today? And then they just answer what they're up to. And then the man comes back and he's like, oh, that's cool. So blah, blah, blah and it's, this is back and forth. And you can tell that if the man stops responding, then there will be nothing for you to respond to.
Speaker 1:And we typically look at that and we're like, oh, they're so dry, they're not giving much, they're entertaining, they're not. They're not entertaining, um, and I'm like I don't see where you're setting the tone of the conversation. I don't see where you're creating anything here. I'm seeing this man asking you questions. He's popping up, but there's nothing that you're contributing to the conversation and you have outsourced the entire energy of the conversation to this man. You're waiting for this man to give you the conversation you desire, instead of leading with your feminine desire, with your energy, with your curiosity, with your presence.
Speaker 1:Okay, and what that looks like is that lots of back and forth, no dates, lots of back and forth, no depth, lack of back, like a bunch of back and forth and nothing ever leading into a connection or anything worth talking about, and so we get drained, we get frustrated. What I recommend instead is taking 100% responsibility responsibility for the quality, for the quality of the conversations that I want to have. I never have a conversation I don't want to have, ever, ever, ever, ever. I never get upset about having a conversation I didn't want to have because I don't do that. So, for example, if a man is texting me throughout the day and I don't want to be texting him, I'm not going to do that and I'm going to be very clear about it. So, for example, man told me you know he's like good morning, beautiful. How are you doing today? I already know I'm not going to be talking to this man all day. So I said I'm all over the place. I'm feeling very happy and excited, though, about life in general. If you're available later, I'd love to video call you.
Speaker 1:After my last meeting tonight, do you see how clear that was? I did not go back and forth with him. I did not allow him the space to even think that we was going to have a back and forth together, to even think that we was going to have a back and forth together. I didn't give him the space to believe that we were going to have back and forth conversation at all. I already let him know what I was available for. If you're available later, I'd love the video call. I'm never going to get caught up in a conversation I don't want to have, ever in life, never in life.
Speaker 1:Um, so a man was texting me and I asked him. He was texting me what am I doing? And I'm like I'm not going to have a conversation like this. I said I was just curious. I was like I'm very curious. Why do you ask me what am I doing? Do you really want to know what I'm doing? Or is this your way of connecting with me? Like I'm going to get clear on, I'm going to be very curious. I'm not going to have these conversations. Do you really want to know what I'm doing right now, this exact second, or is this, is this your way of trying to connect with me? Let me know. I'm curious. And so what he responded. I'm curious, and so what he responded he was like oh, you're right, I did want to connect with you. I figured that you're kind of busy, so I'm just asking what are you doing? So that something? He said blah, blah, blah and I was like thank you for the clarification. So what I'm hearing is you're asking that to see if I can chat or just keep texting with you.
Speaker 1:I'm a bit different, okay, I actually love and crave in real life connection along with doing something fun. So my favorite way to stay in connection is to have dates planned. Okay, it gives me something to look forward to, which is why I'm very excited about our upcoming date. Right, I'm not available for this back and forth. I'm not going to do this with you. I know I like you, I know you like me, but what I'm not going to do is have a connection that's through text. That I don't want to have. Not going to do it.
Speaker 1:I had a client that met, matched with one of my clients online and she learned these tips and this man was like you know, hey, are you single, are you divorced? You have children? And she said you're interviewing me, I'm single, but I will answer. I will answer the remaining questions when you call me. I'm not going to do this with you. I'm not going to answer questions I don't want to answer.
Speaker 1:I don't want to have a conversation, I'm not going to have this and most of us just get frustrated and annoyed instead of taking 100% responsibility for the conversations. That doesn't mean I force it, I influence it, I follow what feels good to me. I shift the energy when it feels flat. I'm not going to have a conversation that turns all of my. None of my conversations fizzles out because I either started the way I want it or I ended the way I want. But there is no fizzling out with me. We don't fizzle out in, in, in in my arena. There's no fizzling out. I started or I ended, okay. And I really want you to think about all of this when you are having conversations. Is not someone said I shut down and I just stopped talking? No, you have to take a hundred percent responsibility for the conversations that you want to have, because if we're having a. If we're having an experience that we don't like, it's our responsibility, nobody else's Okay, but we like to blame the men because women I don't know for some reason we really love to be victims here.
Speaker 1:We love to be the damsel in distress that needs rescuing. Powerful women, adult women we don't need rescuing. We just need to set the standard and follow it. We don't need to be rescued by anyone. We don't need anyone else to be responsible for what we want to create. We are creators. We talk about being more feminine all the time, but the feminine is not passive. We talk about being feminine all the time. The feminine creates, right. So that's what I want you to lean more into is like how am I creating, how am I innovating? How am I showing up for myself? Okay, so the? And I'm going to answer questions, so put them in the question box. If you ask questions in the chat, I'm probably not going to see it. You need to put it in the question box so that I can actually get to it.
Speaker 1:So the, the, the three mistakes that we make as women in conversation that quietly killed the connection is we don't know why we're saying what we're saying. We're simply saying words in conversation but we don't know why we're saying the words. Two, we're using conversations to check off the box and evaluate men and vet men or move the conversation along instead of engaging with these men. And three, we rely on men for the quality of the conversation. There should never be. You should never find yourself in a conversation you don't want to be a part of, unless there's a gun to your head. Other than that, you should never like. There is no excuse you can give me to where I will believe that you just got stuck in a conversation that just you didn't have to be a part of. You just got stuck in a conversation that just you, you didn't have to be a part of.
Speaker 1:That being said, as I mentioned, this uh live is sponsored by my upcoming workshop. It's called the conversations that inspire commitment workshop. It's a two day workshop where you'll learn and actually practice how to have conversations that leads to connection, dates and deeper pursuit. Okay, and so these? This workshop is for women who want conversations that reflect their essence and not just your resume. Day one of the workshop and if you're interested, you can type C, t I, c in the comment section here.
Speaker 1:Um day one, it's foundational conversation. On day one, we're going to tackle the exact reason your conversations aren't converting to real connections. I'm going to show you my three-part framework that transforms how men respond to your message and conversation starters. So you're going to learn the mindset shift that instantly makes your text and in-person interactions more engaging. You're going to learn exactly what to say in those first crucial moments to stand out from every other woman and he meets, and the specific phrases that make a man think about you long after the conversation ends. So by the end of day one, you're going to have word for word examples that you can actually use that same night, whether you're messaging on apps, texting someone you just met or heading out on a date. Oh, shaquille. Shaquille says the workshop is fire. Y'all have to attend. Yes, yes, yes, c-t-i-c If you want to get the link to attend. Thank you so much, sis. Day two is fun and fruitful conversation. It's all about turning those initial conversations into real momentum and commitment, and so you're going to learn how to ask questions that make a man feel truly seen, not just interviewed.
Speaker 1:The three simple step technique to share vulnerably, without oversharing. We don't wanna overshare. We wanna share but not overshare. My pattern interrupt method that makes you feel impossible to forget, and the exact topics that create emotional connection and which ones kill attraction. So you'll leave with a complete conversation playbook for every situation, from opening message all the way to deepening in existing relationships, with real examples from my text messages, from my clients, text messages that you can look. And then there's also going to be live hot seat coaching and if you've been to it in the past, I am updating it. It's updated. I am updating it, it's updated. So if you type CTIC in the comment section and you use the code CONVOQUEEN C-O-N-V-O-Q-U-E-E-N, I think you can get $50 off. It's $220. You can get $50 off. I only have three more discounts, three more of those discounts. They've taken it up this week and so I have three, three more of those.
Speaker 1:Let me answer these questions. Let me answer these questions, all right. Someone said do you get clear? How do you get clear on your own intentions? Sit with yourself.
Speaker 1:A lot of us, too many of us, are going about our days on autopilot. We're washing our face on autopilot. We are brushing our teeth on autopilot. We're putting on our clothes on autopilot because we're in our heads thinking about what happened yesterday, what's going to happen tomorrow? What's on my to-do list? Blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 1:We're in our heads all the time and we're not sitting down in silence. That's why the scripture says pray without ceasing. And we think prayer is simply talking or asking or praising God, when praying without ceasing also looks like sitting with yourself and waiting for answers. Pray without ceasing, get silent. We talk about being women of faith but we are often not tapped in. We're not the God. God lives within us, not that church building we be going to every week and we don't be sitting down with God and just simply uncovering what's there. So if you get a text message from God and, mind you, this is not me being over spiritual, talking about like, oh, you need to hear from God before you say something to a man no, what I'm saying is we're not slowing down to sit with ourselves and really tap it in to the answers God has already given us.
Speaker 1:Man says as a text what do I want to experience? What do I want in this moment? He said good morning. What do I want? Don't want to say good morning back. No, oh, what do I want? Oh, I actually don't. I actually don't feel comfortable saying that. It doesn't mean, I don't know what my intention is, I just don't feel comfortable. Ooh, that's the truth. Instead of trying to respond back to a man so fast, just take the time and sit with yourself. That is my advice.
Speaker 1:Someone says what if you enjoy the back and forth texting throughout the day? Or is that a problem and desire? It just depends. Some people enjoy texting throughout the day because they need validation, because they may get anxious if they're not, because it makes them feel good with the dopamine hits. In that case you don't actually like texting back and forth. You're looking to a man for safety that you should be creating within yourself. That's a problem, right, if you would be anxious if you're not texting throughout the day, if it makes you feel like there's a connection growing, like that's a problem. But if you just simply like to enjoy and you don't ever have to hear from this man tomorrow, you never have to talk to this man again in your life, that's fine. Sounds like a true desire. To this man again in your life? That's fine, sounds like a true desire.
Speaker 1:Someone says what do you do when a man wants you to carry the conversation and he says things like go ahead, baby, and talk. I'm listening, doing moments of brief silence. It makes me feel pressure, especially when he's not asking thought-provoking questions during that time. Again, this is when we're outsourcing our divine power to men. This is when we're outsourcing our responsibility to men instead of consulting ourselves, instead of sitting with ourselves and saying do I want to carry the conversation, do I want to talk? Do I want to have him listening to me ramble? Do I want to feel the silence? There's no way a man can make you feel pressure, pressure. Is you thinking that you got to do something because a man told you to? That's where pressure is coming from. Okay, and if he's not asking thought provoking questions and I don't want to do it, I'm going to say something like thank you for listening, but I'm actually unavailable to just speak randomly without being asked any thought provoking questions. Whenever you're ready to call me back with such questions, I would love to talk to you. I would love to have a conversation whenever you're ready to ask me questions about me, learn more about me, but I'm actually unavailable to just talk without intention. So when you're ready to have those questions, I'll be available. That's setting the tone, because you're like I don't want to do this versus like I'm feeling pressure about doing it. I don't feel pressure because I don't got to do it. Hope that makes sense.
Speaker 1:So someone says men often admit that I'm intimidating. Why and how to fix that. I am a successful and well-groomed, confident woman, not sure how that is a turnoff. When men admit that you're intimidated, that means that you are in the wrong pool of men. That means that you are currently entertaining the wrong pool of men. You should be in a pool of men that are doing amazing things in their own lives to. When they hear what's happening in your life, they get excited about it because you and him understand each other. They get excited about it because they think of all the ways that they can help make your life easier and better. It's the wrong pool of men because the men are often telling you that you're intimidated. Yeah, that's the issue Talking to the wrong pool of men and I encourage you come book a sales call with me. Come book a sales call with me if. Hi, weenie, my love. If you want to book a sales call with me, hit connect in the comment section and we can talk more about men saying that to you and then we can put together a plan on what that would look like for you to do things differently?
Speaker 1:Someone says what do you think about attachment styles and working with attachment styles? Um, I think people treat attachment styles as if they are stagnant, as if they are static. When one person can go through three, like several different attachment styles, based upon the man she's dating, right, she may feel so secure dating a man she don't like, but as soon as the man she likes, she's anxious, you know. But y'all, let's keep these questions around conversations. Let's keep these questions around what we talked about today. Any more questions around what we talked about today? If you want to join my workshop, put CTIC in the comment section, layla Kayla. Layla Kayla says I took the CTIC workshop in 2023. It was amazing. Do it, put CTIC in the comment section and you will receive a link. If you use the coupon code combo queen C-O-N-V-O-Q-U-E-E-N, you can get $50 off. Last time I checked, I only had three more of those left. Any more questions on what we're talking about today? Because I see more questions in the question box that ain't got really nothing to do with what I'm talking about today.
Speaker 1:If you don't, girl, if you don't come for a sales call, she said I'm overdue for a sales call. Come on, it's not like I'm a force you to buy from me on the call. You better buy from me. Invest in yourself today, spend money today. Like, you get to decide.
Speaker 1:You know I've had people come to the call and ghost me. You know I don't take it personally. They said you know I've had people come to the call and ghost me. You know I don't take it personally. They said you know they ghosted me. We had the call, but it's up to you if you want to ghost me, but be careful about that ghosting energy. If you ever wonder why men ghost to you, you exist in that energy because you're ghosting Torah. I'm like, hey, girl, what happened? It's okay, you can tell me you don't want to buy from me. Girl, I ain't gonna, I'm not going to be mad. I'm not gonna be mad. I think I probably had 30 people ghost me from sales calls. It's okay. Like, I don't take it personally. It's okay, I'm gonna email y'all every two weeks, every three weeks, every four weeks and be like where you at Haven't heard from you. Girl, again, y'all make sure your questions around what we're talking about today. I'm not going to answer questions that do not, that are not in alignment with what we're talking about today.
Speaker 1:Someone says how do I solve the problem of leaving men alone once they don't want to willingly take the conversation anywhere? I feel like I'm forcing a man if I ask for a call or date. Aren't these things that? Aren't these things that men would do, naturally, if they are serious and that is one of the biggest problems that we have is assuming that all like, assuming that men can read our minds. Here's the issue for every one of us who want to go on a date. There are women who are scared to go on dates and would rather text, because she's insecure, she doesn't want to be seen in person just yet, or whatever. There's. There's so many different things, and so men are dating different versions of us. They're dating different versions of us. They're dating different versions of us, and so we're assuming that.
Speaker 1:Okay, this, as soon as this man I've had a client right A man asked her on a date and she was like oh, no, no, no, I'm not ready, I want to wait, I want to wait, I want to wait. Another client was like he didn't ask me on a date. It's been two days. I had a guy friend tell me. He was like look, I'm very confused because when I want to go on a date quick, people say I'm thirsty and they say I'm asking too soon. And then when I wait to go on a date to be a gentleman, they say I'm taking too long. I don't know why don't the women just tell me? I'm like, listen, I'm trying to, I'm trying to, I'm trying to, but I don't know why we think every woman is the same and every man is supposed to be out of a rom-com.
Speaker 1:If you let a man know that you want to go on a date and you let him know the boundary that you go on dates with men within the first week of meeting and he doesn't want to go on a date, then you stop talking to him. You stop talking to him. You just you stop. You let him know hey, I'm unavailable to continue this connection. I mentioned that I'm available to go on a date this week. You have not gotten back to me. We are not aligned. We're not aligned. I only date. I'm currently dating a man that's long distance. But I let him know I'm only available to date you if you can fly to me within a two weeks notice. If you can fly to me within a two weeks notice, we can date long distance and since then that has never been a problem.
Speaker 1:Okay, if a man does not want to take the conversation anywhere and he doesn't want to date, it's time to exit the connection. I'm unavailable to continue talking to you. I'm unavailable to continue to go back and forth. I asked for a date. I let you know that I'm a woman who dates within the first week. We haven't been on a date. We're out of alignment. Okay, any other questions?
Speaker 1:Before I hop off here, I hope to see a lot of you guys in the workshop. Who's coming to the workshop? Any of you guys coming to the workshop? And if you're thinking about it, I'm like I don't know. Like, what are we thinking about? If you're thinking about it, send me a DM, let's have a conversation. If you're thinking about coming to the workshop and you're like I don't know, I'm, you know, don't know if I should come, I don't know if this is going to be a good fit or I don't know, please send me a DM, let's have a conversation about your I don't knows. Again, I'm not going to put a gun and say bought a workshop. You better get this workshop or I'm going to block you off my account. Like I'm not going to do that. I'm going to simply help you make a decision, whether it's a yes or no, but staying in this state of I don't know helps nobody. Decisiveness is a trait of you leaning into the feminine, okay, so let me help you make a decision either say yes or no. Right, let's do that together. I'm going to answer this last question. I'm gone.
Speaker 1:Someone said how do you separate conversations that help men rise in their masculinity versus conversations that mother him or try to solve or take his problems? Very great question, layla Kayla. So questions that help men rise in their masculinity are questions that allow him space to show up to like, for example, if a man I'll give you an example of my own thing. When the men that I'm dating and they come to me with their problems, if one of them says, okay, this happened in my business and this happened in my business, or I don't try to help them, I don't say, well, here's what we can do. I don't say, well, did you do this, did you do that? No, I say, oh, that must. That feels really hard, feels really tough. I'm sorry to hear that. Tell me more, or how do you plan to fix it? How do you plan to overcome that? What do you have in place to tackle that problem? I'm calling him up. You know I want to hear about you solving the problem. I'm, but I'm not gonna sit there and mother you through it.
Speaker 1:I had a man ask me, you know. He was like hey, I love the way you block off your calendar. I love the way that you manage your time. Can you help me do that? I was like here's the link for a YouTube video on calendar blocking. You can watch that to get started. There's no way I'm using my time to walk him through it. I'm not doing it. There's the video utilizing the same way I did. Or another guy talking about oh, would you help me do my taxes this year? No, I'm not available for that, unless you want me to send you an invoice. If you want me to send you an invoice, then we can do that.
Speaker 1:Other than that, no, so mothering men looks like saving the day for them, giving them solutions. Saving the day for them giving them solutions right, solving their problems. You coming out of your way to solve their problems. No, men are supposed to solve their own problems. They're getting it out of the mud. It is not your responsibility as his woman to do that. You support him and the way I support is I'm showing up with empathy and concern and love. That's how I show up Empathy, concern and love. I'm going to love on you, I'm going to have concern, I'm going to empathize with you, like, oh, I know how that feels. That feels really rough man. I'm sorry that feels. That feels really rough man. I'm sorry that happened. Oh, baby, come here, you know. But I'm not going to be like, oh, I researched this and I researched and I have this and I'm like, no, I'm not doing that.
Speaker 1:Someone says what if you say no to these things and another woman is willing? I think that's amazing for her and him. But why should I care that another woman is willing? That makes no sense to me because they're more in alignment than me and him. I am not trying to keep a man at the expense of my autonomy and my freedom and my own boundaries and my own core energy. If another woman is willing, that's best for the both of them. But anywho, guys, I have a sales call I have to get to. I don't want to be late and I'll talk to you later. I love you guys. Bye, all right. I love you guys. Bye, all right. Love a girl.
Speaker 1:I know that that was impactful and some of you might be like, oh, I want to go, I want to go. It's just that I have a conflict or I'm traveling. I mean, I want to be there, live, and I just want to let you know that I just wouldn't let that be the reason why you miss out on the workshop. Okay, because typically, as high achieving women, we like all, we do, like all or nothing. If I can't do it all, I don't want to do none of it.
Speaker 1:But if that is going to keep you in the boring conversations if not coming at all is going to, if you're, if you're going to be struggling with that for a few more weeks or months, if you're going to be struggling with not knowing what to say or be in control of your conversations, if you are going to feel like it's hard to shift stagnant conversations or have really exciting ones or move surface of conversations to more depth, then the replay is definitely going to be worth it. Like you're going to have the full workshop. You can go at your own pace. You'll have the bonuses that I haven't even been talking about. That come along, you can pause, you can rewatch, you can apply everything at your own pace. Okay, and so if you feel like this workshop can help you, but you can't make it live again, if I want to make a shift, I'm going to get it anyway. I'd hate for you to wait until I offered it again. I only offered it one time last year. Okay, so all right, until next time, bye.