Date with Cents
Date with Cents
Why I’m Not Going Exclusive This May—And What I’m Choosing Instead
I've been dating two incredible men for months.
They're consistent, thoughtful, supportive, and make my life better in tangible ways—yet I've decided not to go exclusive with either of them, even though I originally planned to choose by May.
It's not that these men aren't good enough—they're wonderful—but I've realized that just because something is good doesn't mean it's right for where I'm going.
In this episode, I walk you through what it looks like to make a decision based not on pressure, timelines, or what others think you should do, but on what's actually aligned with the woman you're becoming.
Interested in working with me 1:1? If you're ready to date from clarity instead of scarcity and choose alignment over anxiety, book a sales call HERE to speak with me about coaching.
If you're ready to stop settling for "good enough" relationships and create the kind of love that fully honors who you're becoming, book a sales call to learn more about private 1:1 coaching with me.
Book a sales call HERE to speak with me.
OTHER POPULAR RESOURCES:
Read my online essay on why the way we date is broken- Modern Dating is Hard
Follow me on Instagram for more dating gems at:
@torahcents
@curved2cuffed
What's up, lover girl? Welcome back to the Date With Sense podcast. So this episode, oh, it's going to be a little juicy because it's personal. So recently, in the past year, I have built a rotation of three men. Some of you guys have been following my story very closely, either publicly on Instagram or privately, where I get a lot more deeper as a client, in my client sessions and my group dating diary that I host every single month, where I get deep down and dirty into my love life and show behind the scenes of, like, what's really happening. And so you guys know that I've had a rotation of three men. We have Saudi, we have Latin poppy, big body bins, and back in December I let Saudi go. We parted ways and then I narrowed it down to two, so that was December 2024. It's now 2025. We parted ways and then I narrowed it down to two, so that was December 2024. It's now 2025.
Speaker 1:We're in May and pretty much most of, like you know, this year so far I've been saying like I'm going to choose one of them to go exclusive by May, and May is here and I've been getting phone calls, text messages, dms about my decision. People have been hitting me up asking like, okay, girl, who is it? Who is it? I've had colleagues ask me. I had even one of my business coaches. She was like girl between you and I, like who's it going to be? I'm not going to tell nobody. So here's where I'm at. It's May and I have decided I am still not going exclusive with either of them.
Speaker 1:And I know that might sound confusing because you guys, many of you, have followed me on my journey. Like you know, these men have been very consistent. They plan dates, they are extremely thoughtful, they invest in me emotionally, financially, mentally. They support me. They make my life better, better in real, tangible ways. So I know how it sounds confusing, like how are you not going to go exclusive? How are you not choosing? Especially if you're listening and thinking like girl, like I've seen what these men have done, I've seen how these men have showed up for you. I'd love to even have one man do half of that. And I get it, because from the outside this probably looks like a real dream situation, a real fantasy. But I've realized is this, just because something is good, it doesn't mean it's right for where I'm going? And that's what today's episode is about. It's not that these men aren't good enough because they're so good. It's not that they're not the that they're. They're not amazing men because they are. It's that they're not the most aligned with the kind of life, with the kind of love, with the kind of partnership I now know that I want.
Speaker 1:So if you've ever found yourself trying to be grateful for what you've been given right, the good girl has to be grateful. If you've ever been told that, oh, good men are rare and that you should just say yes when he chooses you, this episode might stretch how you see things, because I'm going to walk you through what it looks like to make a different kind of decision, one that's not based on pressure or timelines or what other people think that you should do as the good girl, but one that's actually right for you, that you should do as the good girl, but one that's actually right for you. So, thinking about these amazing men and being loved and cared for and like just being really excited of of being pursued extremely well, especially at this stage in my life, especially after the marriage that I that I had, I had to sit with a harder question coming upon, like the quote, unquote, due date of May. I'd ask myself do these men actually align with the life that I want to build? Not just do I like them, not just am I in love with them, not just are they amazing, are they quality, but can I see myself doing life with these men in a way that feels deeply supportive of who I'm becoming? Because, as we all know, they are amazing men. They affirm me, they pour into me, they show up right, right. One of these men, he's just going to book a weekend getaway just because I've been feeling overwhelmed. And the other one, he just he remembers all the thoughtful pieces of my life and he looks for ways to add to it, to make it better. Like so they don't make my life harder, they've made it a lot softer. So, yes, it would be easy to say yes to these men, it would be easy to justify choosing one and building from there. But when I got honest, like truly honest, the answer was still no, and not because they've done something wrong, but because I'm becoming who I'm becoming needs something different.
Speaker 1:My top priority right now is not being married next year or engaged this year, like it was right. I was like okay, I want to be exclusive, I want to get engaged this year At the end of the year. I want to get married next year so I can start having more kids. I'm excited about that. I don't want to wait until I'm too much older to do this, but I'm realizing that that's not my top priority right now. I want it. I want that for myself.
Speaker 1:It still is something that really is tugging at me, but my top priority is actually expanding. It's becoming the most aligned version of me and I had to really face that because I used to fantasize about being married again by a certain age. I used to think that if I get my loving, kind, spiritually grounded, resourceful man, financially successful, ambitious man who consistently showed up for me, that was the goal after the marriage I just had. But that's changed. Now I want a life that feels like mine down to the core. I want so much more freedom in my expression. I want so much softness in my body. So much more of that, so much more clarity in my decisions and a partnership that doesn't threaten that.
Speaker 1:I'm becoming a woman who doesn't just know how to choose well, I'm becoming a woman who builds a life so full, so rich and so unapologetically hers that the wrong man can't even find a place to fit in right. I'm becoming more self-expressed. I'm becoming more creatively free. I'm more open to play. I'm more open for risk. I'm more open for softness, for power, and less managed and less polite, less easy to pin down. I want more space to stretch. I want more room to dream out loud. I want more permission to want what I want without shrinking down to what's palatable or practical, and that's who I'm becoming, and I know that to fully step into her. I can't partner with someone who feels even slightly misaligned, and not because he's bad, not because he's wrong, but because I refuse to contract to keep something good.
Speaker 1:As I'm in the season of expanding and I can make this work, I can make it work with either of these men. I really could. I could say yes, and I could have these beautiful Instagram stories. I could have the Saturday morning pancakes. I could have the fantasy worthy travel trips. I could have the whole story, but I'd be molding myself again. I'd be shrinking a little, I'd be swapping out one version of discomfort for another one, just to look chosen, and I've already did that in my marriage. That's not what I want now. So this choice isn't about fear or indecision. It's about honoring the version of me that knows what she wants and refusing to override that just because I could make something work.
Speaker 1:And I've had moments recently that actually tested that knowing like just the other day I was having the most amazing moment sitting in Big Body Benz's lap and I was just feeding him this warm sweet potato pie so good he had never had it before. He's African, so soul food isn't really part of his world. And so I'm feeding him this delicious sweet potato pie, fork full, of pie by the fork full, and he's just just enjoying himself. I'm enjoying myself and we're laughing. There is the TV in the background, it's soft and it's just one of those moments that just feels really good. It's the kind of moment where your body just settles and everything just feels so easy. And then he looks at me. I think he's so fine. He looks at me and he says see, this is why this is so good, this is why we should be together. Why aren't we together?
Speaker 1:And for a second I just held his gaze, you know, I just looked back at him because he meant it. I know he meant it and I could feel how real that moment was for the both of us. But I also knew the truth. So I told him I was like, because this moment it doesn't require a relationship, we're here right now, we're enjoying each other and that's enough. This doesn't have to be anything more than what it is Right. And I meant that he received it. He's consistently receiving it. I didn't say it to be withholding. I didn't say it, you know, just because I said it, because I was clear, I'm very clear, like this kind of connection is beautiful but it doesn't mean that it's built to last. And so after that moment with him, like I didn't feel guilty about it because of how much love and connection we have, I didn't feel confusion, I felt peaceful. And I also realized something that I don't really say out loud a lot that I'm already chosen. I'm already chosen. It's me, I've already chosen. It's me I've chosen myself.
Speaker 1:After I got clear on what I want long-term, the next thing I had to do was look at some of the pressure I was putting on myself to make something official. Throughout this whole time, right, I've been telling myself okay, by May I'll know. Right, by May I'll have enough data, I'll choose, I'll move forward, I'll pick a guy. Okay, by May I'll know. Right by May, I'll have enough data, I'll choose, I'll move forward. I'll pick a guy Like I'm ready. I'm ready.
Speaker 1:And there was this low-key urgency underneath it all, like I needed to close the loop, Like I owed it to myself to pick somebody. I remember telling you guys in a past podcast about how I had anxiety back in December about, like, the men putting, trying to put pressure on me to choose, and I was like I'm about to get rid of all y'all asses. But I also put a lot of pressure on myself to like, okay, now you need to choose. But again, sitting with it, I realized I don't, I know I actually don't right, I don't have the data's here and I don't need to be in an exclusive relationship to prove anything Not to myself, not to myself, not to the men that I'm dating, not to anybody watching from the outside wondering oh my gosh, who's Taurus going to pick? We're wondering. I'm going to say it again I've already chosen. I choose me and that decision that has pretty much changed everything, the trajectory of this year, of how this year is going to look like for me.
Speaker 1:But choosing myself, it doesn't come easy. It didn't come easy because there were nights where I would just look at my phone and think, oh, maybe I'm being too picky. Look what he just did for me, look what he's doing for me, look what he's planning for me. There were mornings where I'd wonder if walking away from these amazing things meant that I would be sabotaging my own blessing. Like those thoughts came to my brain and I had to sit with that and I had to breathe through the temptation to just pick somebody either one right so I can stop holding the tension of the uncertainty of not knowing. Choosing myself meant learning to sit with that tension without like distracting myself or numbing it. It just like it's uncomfortable girl, just sit with it. It meant asking myself important questions like what's actually in alignment with how I want to live? What actually supports the woman I'm becoming, not just the woman I've been right, who I'm becoming? And am I trying to be someone's girlfriend because it's actually the right next move or because it just looks like progress? Right, and the truth is I have done progress. I have done titles, I have done public relationship. I've done something that looks safe, that looks good until it doesn't feel good Right.
Speaker 1:I remember the marriage that looked great on paper, like we were building this empire. Right, we were taking the trips and we were showing up online and we were walking in the rooms like power couples and we were quote unquote, creating the legacy, and yet I still had a knot in my stomach every other day that I had to numb out. I still had that, and that's not what I want anymore. What I want is integration. What I want is peace in my decision, without needing someone else's commitment to validate that. What I want is to know that I can enjoy love, I can receive care and still say no to exclusivity, say no to a relationship when it's not aligned and choosing myself hasn't always, you know, it hasn't looked glamorous, hasn't always looked glamorous.
Speaker 1:Sometimes it looks like turning my phone off on a Friday night and sitting in the quiet with a glass of wine with three men pulling for my attention, just like shutting their asses out. Sometimes it looks like holding my ground, even fighting through tears. I remember when Lot and Poppy called a meeting, called a meeting, saying like hey, I need you, I need a decision from you, by blah, blah, blah, and I'm sitting there in tears because he's like you know where is this going? Blah, blah, blah, blah, and I'm like holding my ground like, no, I'm not choosing. You're going to have to leave me and I'm ready to cry. I'm ready to scream. I'm ready to cry, I'm ready to scream, I'm ready to grieve your loss, but I can't say yes. It looked like my no just being enough, even when I didn't know what was coming next.
Speaker 1:Because here's what doesn't get said enough. You can be treated well and still walk away. You can have nice things and still walk away. You can enjoy a man's presence and still know that they're not your person. And you can have options and still be clear that none of them are your end game. And that's what choosing yourself actually looks like. It's not just spa days and solo trips and affirmations. It's also saying no to amazing men when they're not the right fit for your long term vision.
Speaker 1:And I get that not everyone will understand that. Some people are going to look at my life and think why wouldn't she just pick one? She has everything right. Here's the thing. I'm not building my life around what people understand right. Here's the thing. I'm not building my life around what people understand, right. I didn't choose this life for that. I'm building it around what's true for me. So I'm not in a rush to be chosen. I've already done that part. I'm not waiting for my hands out, I'm waiting with my life full already, like I'm waiting for the man who meets me because I've already met myself. And so the deeper I got into that decision of like not going exclusive, the more I realized that this just wasn't about me.
Speaker 1:There are forces cultural, spiritual, generational that have been shaping how we choose love our whole lives, and most of us don't even realize it. And I want to be honest about something that many of us don't talk about or say out loud. Us women, we're taught to be afraid of running out of time. From a very young age we're told that. Even that're told like wait on God and the right man will find you. We're also told that love is a race. At the same time, in our waiting, we're told that our desirability has an expiration date, that once you hit 30, especially after 35, your leftovers. The clock is ticking, the pool gets smaller, the men get worse, the windows get narrower. So by the time you're in your 30s, especially if you've already been married, you already had your heart broken or you're just starting over, like that message becomes loud and clear. Right Comes loud and clear because now they're like girl, you better take what you can get.
Speaker 1:Girl, you kind of like spoiled goods, right, you already done, had kids too. Like, nah, like, don't be too picky, you need to just be grateful. Someone amazing wants you, someone good wants you. Oh, and don't let you be a woman of faith. You got to add in that extra layer of religious messaging that says your desire for partnership should be humble and quiet and easy to please. Girl. You should be easy to please because your role is to support a man, not to challenge him. That, as long as he's kind and spiritual and stable, like, you got no reason to say no to him, girl. He got everything you want, he has everything you want.
Speaker 1:And it reminds me of what people you know when I, when I posted, uh, when I post about Latin poppy, cause he has his own fan club and people see how he treats me and how close he is with my son, how he's offered my son career opportunities. He's protected him in really different challenging positions. He's really poured into him Like people are even more louder with like girl, you ain't got no reason to say no. He's romantic, he plans thoughtful dates, he affirms you. He invests in you by all accounts. Yes, this man is a dream.
Speaker 1:And there were moments I would question myself because I would hear people say, yes, this man is a dream. And there were moments I would question myself because I would hear people say, girl, if you don't wife that man and I watch how easily you know we fit in public or how safe he made my son feel. It would have been easy to fold. But I'm not confused, I'm not pressured to choose him. The world would feel pressured too. The world looks at a man like Latin poppy and says, oh man, he's rare, you got to lock that down. But I know better. I knew the places like I saw the places where we were misaligned and I know what I would be saying yes to long term, and no amount of generosity, romance or outside affirmation is going to override that.
Speaker 1:So when I say I'm not choosing either of these men right now, even though that they're good men, I want you to understand that this just isn't about my dating life. This is about me refusing to participate in a system that tells women we should be grateful for what I feel like is the standard. I feel like it's the standard that men show up for me like that, right? That is the baseline. And it's about me saying that I don't believe my age disqualifies me. I'm 38 this month. Right, I'm considered spoiled goods.
Speaker 1:I don't believe I missed my chance. I don't believe that a man simply being consistent, romantic, kind, available, emotionally intelligent is enough reason to build a life with him. I've already lived the version of love that was built on fear, the version where you say yes because you're tired, because you're nervous, because you don't want to be alone. I've lived the version where your standards soften, not because you're evolved, but because you're afraid no one better is coming. I've done that. I've seen where it leads.
Speaker 1:Again, I'm going to keep saying this again throughout this whole podcast. I'm not doing that shit again. I believe in something different now. I believe that love isn't scarce. I believe that my desires were planted for a reason. I believe that alignment matters more than age, more than appearances, more than timelines. I believe that I'm still a catch. I believe I'm still desirable, not because a man has said so, but because I finally believe it about myself. So, yes, I am up against the culture that says I should hurry. I am up against a religious system that says, girl, you should get this, you should take it, you should settle for this. And I am up against a dating market that says I should be grateful because of my age and that I already have a kid, I've already been married. But I'm also standing in the truth that I don't have to play that game. I don't have to play that game. I got the belief, I got the skills. I don't got to play that game. I got the belief, I got the skills. I don't got to play that game.
Speaker 1:And if you're listening to this and realize you've been making choices from fear, not because you want to, but because it feels like you're running out of time I want you to know that you're not late, you're not less worthy and you're not crazy for wanting something more. You just haven't seen enough women model what it looks like to choose this way to choose from abundance, to choose from belief, to choose from trust and not scarcity. And that's what I'm doing now. And it's not because I'm fearless. I have doubt all the time. My brain wants to convince me that I'm making the wrong choice right. So it's not because I'm fearless. It's because I finally stopped letting fear speak louder than my truth, and that's what I want you to know is possible for you too, ok?
Speaker 1:Also, when people hear that I'm not choosing either of these men, they might assume that means that I'm I'm closed off Right, or that I'm being overly picky or that I'm afraid to commit. But that could be further from the truth. I'm not avoiding love. That's something I truly desire and I'm creating it with these men. I'm protecting love. I want partnership, I want marriage, I want a man who's deeply connected to me, who shares my values, my vision and my spiritual leadership. I want that daily intimacy. I want that legacy building purpose. I want that kind of commitment, but I don't want to build it with the wrong person just because he's a good one. And I'm very clear that these men are not fully aligned, not for the version of life I see for myself. They're not aligned, not fully aligned for where I'm going. They're not fully aligned for what I know is possible.
Speaker 1:And if I say yes now, I'm closing the door to the kind of love that I actually aspire to, and not in a hypothetical, like oh, maybe one day, kind of way, but in a real kind of way of like well, your energy is spoken for, kind of way because you've chosen these men or you're mentally, you've mentally and emotionally signed a contract that you don't actually want to keep kind of way. So that's where I am right now, and I don't want to end up in a relationship where in six months I'm wondering how did I get here? Why am I managing so much again? Why do I feel like I'm shrinking here or over functioning here or working harder than I want to emotionally? Why am I doing so much emotional labor here? Why am I doing so much spiritual labor here for someone else? Because those moments don't start six months in, girl. They start right here and now. They start when you override your knowing just to feel secure, and that's not what I'm doing.
Speaker 1:So, yes, I am choosing to keep dating both of these men for now. That doesn't mean that we're done Like. I'm enjoying them. I love them, I'm in love with them. I'm enjoying what we have until we won't have it anymore. But I'm also still open to connection. I still receive their presence, but I'm not pretending it's more than what it is. I'm not convincing myself. This is enough when I know it's not. I'm not turning something nice into a life plan.
Speaker 1:I'm choosing to stay available to the right thing, even though that means letting go of the good things, and that I feel like those kind of choices don't get celebrated enough, especially for women, especially when we've been told to be grateful and lock it down to get it while you can, because people generally don't applaud us for saying no to amazing men. Look at the things that go viral when a woman was like, yeah, he was amazing, he was this and this and that, but he wasn't the right fit. And people like, oh, you can't please women nowadays, you can't win with women nowadays. These are the women of today. They criticize you, they whisper, they question you. They try to help you make it make sense. Oh, he's such a good guy, he's so kind. What more can you want?
Speaker 1:And if you don't have a strong sense of self, that can start to weigh you down. It can make you second guess your spirit, it can make you confuse someone else's comfort with your own clear choice. But here's what I believe the relationship I want isn't behind me, it isn't behind you. You're not late, you're not behind Right. You're just now getting clear enough to stop repeating what didn't work, and that alone is progress. That's what I believe about myself.
Speaker 1:Saying no to almost aligned love is how you make space for the love that's fully aligned, and that is what I'm doing. So I'm not waiting in fear. I'm not being out choosing out of fear. I'm not being choosing out of fear. I'm expanding in faith as a woman of faith. And what that looks like is simple, but very, very powerful. It looks like planning my life as if love is already here, as if the love that I desire is already here, like I'm not waiting for it. Right, I'm not waiting for it. It looks like doing everything that I used to say that I'd wait on until I got the man that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. It looks like making the space in my home and making the space in my calendar and making the space in my life for partnership, without forcing it. It looks like being fully present to the life I already have with the men that I already have, while holding space for the one I know is coming right.
Speaker 1:Because right now, like if we look at making space, I'm like, okay, like what do I need to do?
Speaker 1:Like if I knew that the love that I desire, if I knew that the relationship that I desire was here and I just, and I just need to take some steps like where would I go, where would I be? How would I, how would I show up Like that's what I think to myself, not like, oh my gosh, how am I going to make this happen for myself? And I don't know how this next season is gonna unfold and I'll keep you guys posted right on what I'm gonna choose, but in terms of like, my, my next level, but what I know this like, if I keep living in integrity with what I want, if I keep living with what I want in integrity, that love has to meet me. That love that I desire has to meet me, because I finally stopped settling for the version of love I know isn't, and after everything that I've shared so far, I want to show something deeper. I want to show you something deeper because I'm not saying no to these men because they're lacking, as you already know, right. They're emotionally connected, they notice my energy, they listen, they care, they desire me holistically, they affirm my beauty, they reach for me, they're generous their time, their money, their presence, and they make me feel provided for in ways that I've never had before. And it's been a beautiful experience. I'm not operating from lack here and this is the most love I've ever received while dating. But here's what I've also learned is that a man can love your freedom and still want to manage it. He can admire your wildness and still want to tame it. Once he feels entitled to you, he can really respect your vision, but only as long as it doesn't challenge his own, and that is the gap, for example, with Latin Poppy.
Speaker 1:There's like this whole narrative around leadership with him. Right, he's always talking about how he wants to lead his household Like. He's been having a lot of those conversations lately with me that did not come up before and I'm not opposed to being led right, I actually usually concede to his decision-making. I actually trust a lot of his decision-making. He'll say things like all right, I want to do this, we're going to do that, I want you to do this, and I'm like, okay, baby, let's do it, let's do it. He even just booked a whole my whole birthday trip to Puerto Rico without even consulting me, like he literally cause he couldn't reach me. He booked all the tickets, he booked the excursions, he booked the Airbnb and I looked at everything and I was like, okay, cool, let's do it. I'm down, right, I know I. I love conceding to his decisions because I think he makes good ones. And so when he notices it, he'll point to things like and say, see, see, like you trust my leadership, like this could really work, this could work between us, we could be together.
Speaker 1:And here's the thing. It's not that I don't trust his leadership, it's that I don't trust that he can trust mine. I'm not a challenge to manage, I'm a woman with my own vision, my own piece of clarity and my own power. And if the only way we work is if I always say yes because in his leadership work is if I always say yes because in his leadership, the leadership that he's looking for is for him to like, have complete agency over the whole household, like I'm not, like he has last word. No, absolutely not. If my no is treated like a threat, then that's not leadership, that's control. And if we were married with kids, with a life that we're building together, that pattern would become a huge problem. And not because I don't respect him, but because I'd have to disappear in order to keep the peace. And I'm not willing to do that. Y'all know I don't came too far to deal with any of that right.
Speaker 1:I remember one conversation in particular that really clarified the gap between me and Big Body Benz. Right, because he adores how free I am, how boldly I think, how unapologetically I move, and he tells me often how much he loves my perspective and how different I am from anyone he's ever dated. But one night we were talking about a topic I'm not going to name it here, but I said to him I was like you love this about me, you love all of this. It makes you feel alive, right, it makes you really, really passionate about our connection. But if we had daughters, would you want them to think like this? Would you want them to live like this? Would you like them to have my perspective? And he got silent, he got really silent, and then he whispered. He was just like I don't know and see, that's the thing he's really attracted to how I live. But he hasn't integrated what that actually means. He enjoys my wildness, but he'd want to protect other women from becoming like me.
Speaker 1:Ultimately, and that's the gap, it's the difference between liking someone and being willing to build a life that honors it. And I'm not interested in being the exception, I'm not interested in being someone's favorite disruption If they still hold values that would shrink or silence me in another context. Everything works beautifully right now because we're not in the committed structure, but I can already see what would shift if we were. The very things that drew them to me were the very things that drew them to me the softness I have, the play that I have, the boldness, the wildness, the vision those are things that these men would eventually try to adjust and I'm not available for that kind of subtle reshaping Not again, not ever, because I don't just want love, I want co-creation.
Speaker 1:I want a relationship where the way that I live, how I move, how I express, how I lead, how I rest, is not just respected but made room for, where my vision doesn't have to shrink to protect a man's ego, where I can be brilliant and soft and disruptive, and sweet and savage and feminine and sexy and opinionated and still fully partnered. I want a man who has his own wealth, of course, but also sees my he still sees my power as necessary. I want to build a life where I'm not edited into acceptability, where who I am doesn't need to be diluted, just to be kept and right like what I have right now. It's really beautiful, but it's not built to hold me. It's built to enjoy me as I am for now. But I'm not building a life that just enjoys me. I'm building a life that expands with me, and I want a love that expands with me too, and that's why I'm not choosing what I have right now with these men. It is real, it's real and it's true. But what I want for my future is whole. It's wholeness.
Speaker 1:So if what I've been saying so far stirred something in you, if it made you question what you've been taught to want, or realize you've been making choices from fear or pressure, I just want you to sit with that, not in shame, not in panic, but just clear curiosity. I want you to ask yourself am I making space for the kind of love that can actually hold me, or am I shrieking to fit something that just happens to be available? And you don't have to rush to an answer, but you do owe yourself the truth. You're allowed to want more, even if what you have is good. You're allowed to pause even when the world says you should hurry up, and you're allowed to choose from alignment and not anxiety. And that's what I'm doing and I hope, in your own way, you will give yourself permission to do the same. Okay, now don't get me wrong.
Speaker 1:There is a version of me, maybe five years ago, maybe even two years ago, who would have said yes to one of these men, and not because I didn't care about alignment at the time, but because I didn't know what alignment really felt like. I would have simply looked at how consistent they are, how supportive they are, how attractive they are, how spiritual they are, and I would have said, oh, what more could I ask for? What more can I ask for? Back then, when I thought effort and character were enough. Then, when I believe that if a man was all these things and he chose me, that that was my sign to be like, oh, yeah, like, this is it. I would have taken, like the book, trips, I would have taken the gifts, I would have taken the emotional support, I would have taken the loving care and I would have said, yeah, this is it.
Speaker 1:But now I ask myself a different question Does this love make room for my full self or just the parts that these men have capacity for? Those are two different things, and maybe that belief that effort was enough is what I needed to hold on at the time for who I was at the time, and maybe I had to learn through experience what alignment actually feels like. But I've outgrown that story now. Oh, I have lived enough to know that you can be loved and still not be aligned, that you can be loved and still not be aligned. You can be deeply cared for and still know in your gut that this isn't it. And I'm not saying that it would be settling if I had chose these men back then. I'm saying that now my definition of partnership has expanded from my life. Definition of partnership has expanded from my life and now that I know better, I plan to choose better to match that expansion, because the woman I used to be, she was more so hoping to be chosen, but the woman that I am now, she's clear enough to choose herself first.
Speaker 1:So before I close, I want to say this, especially if you're listening and you're thinking you've been following my journey. Like Tora, I've been dating someone for a few months. I can't imagine waiting this long to choose. I've been dating a sky for two months. For three months. I can't imagine for waiting, waiting this long to choose. Does that mean I'm doing something wrong? And no, it doesn't, because what I've shared in this episode is my decision for my season, and it's not a formula, it's not a timeline to copy. It's a reflection of where I am, what I've lived and how I'm choosing to move through dating right now.
Speaker 1:I have had the time, the space and the support to explore these relationships deeply, to explore myself deeply. I've had room to feel things out, to feel my life out, to listen to myself without having to move faster than I'm ready to. I've also had years of therapy, coaching, heartbreak, trial and practice, just to even know what my yes sounds like. Right, it could be different for you, but this is my yes. But that doesn't mean you need to wait as long as I have. You're on a different journey, you're on a different path and it doesn't mean that my way is more evolved or more spiritual or more right. Your clarity might come sooner than mine. You might be more ready than me. You might be in a life season where choosing someone is the most aligned decision you could make, and that's beautiful. Beautiful, because this, none of this, is about becoming like me. It's about becoming more honest with yourself. That's what I'm here to help you do, because the truth is some women wait too long out of fear to choose, and some women choose too quickly out of pressure, and I've seen that happen time and time again as a dating coach. But what matters is knowing which one you tend to do and choosing differently this time. So maybe this episode doesn't mean you hit pause on a guy. Maybe it just means you check in with yourself before you say yes to him. Maybe it means you double check that you're not abandoning who you are or you're knowing for someone else's timeline, and you don't have to date like me to date well, right.
Speaker 1:I teach women how to date authentically the way that they want to date. That's why some of my clients love to date just one man at a time and some of my clients like to date multiple men at a time. Some of my clients are like I don't want to get married, I just want to date. Some of my clients are like I definitely want to get married and I'm helping. I help my clients do all the above, so you don't have to date like me.
Speaker 1:To date well, you don't have to do it perfectly to do it powerfully and you don't need more time. You just need more truth, and that is what I'm here to model for you. I'm here to model that of what it looks like to really stand for your truth, whatever that is Okay. It's not a delay for me, it's not an indecision, it's just a deep commitment to my truth, even when it's inconvenient, even when it's hard to explain and even when no one else understands it. And if you're willing to be committed to that yourself, you're already so much closer to love than you think, and that's what I'd like to share with you today. Thank you for listening. It was very vulnerable for me to share and I look forward to keeping you posted on my journey and what my next steps are and how I plan to create the next chapter of my love life. I'm so excited. It's scary. It's scary, but I'm excited. So, girl, if you love this episode, definitely leave me a review. I would appreciate it if you did that, and until next time, bye.