Date with Cents
Date with Cents
How Dr. Courtney Went from Never Having a Boyfriend to Dating Multiple Quality Men at 40
At 40 years old, Dr. Courtney had been single most of her life, hadn't dated anyone in six months, and was drowning in dissertation anxiety while dealing with a nightmare tenant situation.
Fast forward just five months later and she's now Dr. Douglas with multiple quality men traveling hours just to take her on dates, including one who performed magic tricks for her during an 11-hour first date.
In this episode, she shares her complete transformation from someone who felt like a "late bloomer" weirdo to a woman who attracts high-earning nerdy men who show up with intention and genuine care.
You'll hear how she cleared seven years of dissertation paralysis, handled a squatter situation, and simultaneously created a thriving dating life that feels regulating, expansive, and playful.
She reveals why being inexperienced at 40 became her secret advantage and how clearing mental drama in other life areas actually accelerated her dating success rather than slowing it down.
If you're a woman who feels like you've missed your turn or waited too long to figure out love…
Join the waitlist for C2C. Click Here To Join the Waitlist
Follow me on Instagram for more dating gems at:
@torahcents
@curved2cuffed
What's up, lover girl? Welcome back to the Date With Sense podcast, and today we have another amazing interview episode, and you're absolutely going to love this one, especially if you've been telling yourself stories about being too late when it comes to love and dating or relationships, or too inexperienced or too differentperienced or too different to find the love that you desire. I'm talking to all my late bloomers who are listening, the women who've been watching everyone else seemingly pass them by, whether they're still figuring it out, and maybe you're in your late thirties or 40s or beyond and you're thinking you know, did I miss my window? Everyone else has, even if everyone else isn't in a relationship. They've had relationships, even if anyone else isn't married. They've had intimate connections with men. They have had boyfriends, some of them like they've had sex, and I'm like I don't have a lot of that going on, or none of it. Well, this episode is for you. If you've been single for years, maybe even decades, and you're starting to wonder if something is fundamentally wrong with you, maybe you're the woman who throws herself into her career, her education, her achievements herself into her career, her education, her achievements, thinking you'll get to the love part later. And now it's later and you don't know where to start. This episode is also for my quirky girls, my weird girls, my academic girls who think that they're too much or too different. Maybe you're the one with the unconventional interests or spiritual practice or life paths that make you feel like you don't fit the typical dating mold that could get success. And if you're dealing with life chaos right now maybe you're finishing a degree, dealing with financial stress or family drama or work overwhelming you think that you need to get your whole life perfect before you can date. This episode will completely shift that belief and especially for my inexperienced lover girls, whether you're someone who waited for religious reasons, personal reasons, or it just never really happened and now you feel behind or embarrassed about where you are I believe this conversation is going to set you free. So in this episode I am introducing you to Dr Courtney Douglas.
Speaker 1:I remember when we first hopped on a sales call way back in January and she came to the call. She felt so meek and she felt quiet and she was someone who confessed. She was like, hey, I've been pretty much single almost 40 years of my life. I was a virgin up until I was 38 and never really had a real relationship and doesn't know what it feels like for men to show up for me or pour into me. And she was considering coaching with me.
Speaker 1:But one of the things that was her biggest concern on the call was, like I got a lot going on in my life. You know I want this, but I have a. I'm a landlord and I have a squatter tenant and that's proven to be very challenging. Right now I'm not getting any money from that and it's racking up. I'm not sure if this is a responsible thing to do. And then I also have been procrastinating on my dissertation for seven years. I need to figure out what I want to do with that, and I feel like this is another thing on my plate. I'm not sure if it's responsible to do this, and I was like girl.
Speaker 1:This is the most responsible thing to do, because when you invest in your love life especially in the way that I teach, in dating as a spiritual practice, your whole life has to change, and has to change for the better. This is not just about the men, this is about cleaning up your whole entire life. And now, now she is enjoying dating. She's dating quality men, multiple quality men. She's also a doctor. She was able to get her dissertation done, submitted and do her defense, and now she's a doctor. Like during our time of working together, like these are the things that we were able to to do so that she can have what she wants. And so she. She had a complete life transformation that happened while she was dealing with all the chaos in her life that made space for dating. So if you think that you're too busy or too overwhelmed or you have too much going on, think again, because this episode is proof that it's never too late and you're never too inexperienced and your quirks aren't bugs, they're features, they're benefits. So, yeah, go ahead and get comfortable and prepare to have your mind blown about what's possible for your love life, no matter where you're starting from.
Speaker 1:So, without further ado, here's the episode. Okay, y'all, we got Dr Douglas in the the building. I'm talking about dr douglas, doubled girl. We just a gig. I'm talking about double d in the building. We're gonna talk about, like, why she's big double D later on, but I'm just so happy that she decided to come to the podcast A couple of weeks ago.
Speaker 1:I said Courtney girl, you got to come to the podcast. Like your story is exactly what a ton of women need to hear right now. Especially for the women that are like oh, I'm too late, or I waited too long, or I don't know if this is going to happen for me, or I feel like I've missed my turn, or I don't know if it's too late for me to figure this out. Right now, I feel like you are the voice of the late bloomer who desires love, or desired love, but just felt like when will it be my turn? Because it's taking too damn long. Right, what is going on? And I'm not know how to navigate. I'm watching everybody. I'm 40 and I'm watching everybody. Quote unquote pass me by when it comes to dating and love. And so she was like are you sure? And I'm like yeah, girl, people need to hear the story. Come talk to the people. So I'm really happy, like, even though that we haven't finished coaching our content, I'm really happy that you're here. So thank you, double D.
Speaker 2:Thank you, I'm glad to be here.
Speaker 1:Yes, so one thing that we're going to start with, what we always do, is three words to describe your love life.
Speaker 2:So my words are regulating, expansive and playful.
Speaker 1:Regulating, expansive and playful. Why is your love life regulating?
Speaker 2:I would say regulating, because there's so much that I thought, or rather that I experienced with dating where it would just take me out, it would take me out of the game, it would take me out of wanting to date, it would take me out of being on apps, out of like just wanting to date at all. And now I'm like I can keep showing up, like my nervous system, my body, my energy is like we're okay, like we can keep doing this. We can keep showing up and it's not a big deal, I don't have to spaz out or crash out, and it's like we're okay.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, I remember being on the sales call when we first started and you were like, yeah, I'll get on the apps and I delete them things. You know I will put myself out there for a bit and then I would retreat because I'm like nope you can keep this.
Speaker 2:So what would you say is one of the most regulating experiences you've had so far, like without work together and like you dating right now. Where, from not dating, I wouldn't have realized how much like being in the company of a man who's just like showing up for me, or who's like just in deep conversation with me, who's being vulnerable, who's, you know, wanting to see me enjoy myself? There's ways that, um, I think before working with you one, I wouldn't have known that it was possible for me. But in experiencing it now, I'm like, oh my gosh, this feels so good. It feels good to my body, it feels good to my confidence, it feels good to just walk in the room, even when I'm not with a particular person anymore. It's like, oh, I feel like this boosts I'm walking through the world a little bit differently. My nervous system is like feel like this, this boost, like I'm walking through the world a little bit differently and like my nervous system is like we like this, we like this a lot.
Speaker 1:I know that and, first of all, I'm trying to contain my excitement of like this transformation girl. But this is everything. But I know that there was a guy that you connected with from New York and you mentioned that being very regulating for you and would you like to share, like, what made that so regulating? Yeah, it was, by the way, you live in Philly, right?
Speaker 2:I'm in Baltimore, baltimore, baltimore.
Speaker 1:OK, go ahead Great.
Speaker 2:Yeah yeah. So we, we matched when he was on his way from Baltimore back to New York and so, you know, even initially it was kind of like I don't know, this might not be anything, and so we had been planning and he decided to come down. We had been planning and he decided to come down and there was just a number of things in terms of like planning that like he just showed up, for he, you know, got his own hotel and like we spent the day together like this, you know, like this 11 hour date, where it's like he just he paid for everything. But our conversation was so like just sweet and like deep and really like meaningful in ways that it's like, even if I never saw this person again, like this just feels like so good. And I think the the one of the parts that um felt really regulating was like he did magic tricks, Like he's into magic, so like early on in um, you know, getting to see what I could do with my magic, and like he did like a whole show.
Speaker 2:It was like tricks and like card tricks and illusions, and I'm like into it. It was just so playful, it was so fun and it was just like, oh my gosh, like this is a first date with somebody that I, like you know, just don't know that well, but I just felt free and comfortable and it was just like I didn't know that this is what dating could be like.
Speaker 1:And I know that I had to feel so healing, especially years and years of being over it, years and years of being tapped out and saying like I can't, I can't take this anymore, especially considering, like when we first met, I was asking who are you talking to? You had several guys in your phone. I'm like why the hell are we entertaining these men? What are they offering you? Oh, my gosh, you were like nothing. Basically, they was only offering you holiday messages and what. What are you up to and what are you doing? And like they were just there taking up a lot of space and I'm like actually we need to release them, so much they need to be released, so I can see how this experience with this guy absolutely regulating.
Speaker 2:Absolutely regulating. And also I want to say shout out to you, because when we were using the tool, the quality man finder.
Speaker 1:One of the things that we uncovered using a quality man finder in your area, like your man, is a high earning nerd blurred right. Nerd, blurred right. He's a nerdy guy. You know he's gonna be in all the nerdy stuff and I love the fact that that's the dates.
Speaker 1:You've been going on like you got the nerdy guy that came down and did magic tricks for hours yes, and it lit me up so much I'm like, once you, once you set the intention for what you want, it starts to come to you and I'm really, really glad that we got like really laser focused, like, oh, I actually want a high earning nerd. Where can I meet the high earning nerd? How can I attract the high earning nerd? And I just love that you got this man doing magic tricks for you. Highly recommend. Yeah, y'all could have been. Y'all could have been playing Pokemon cards. So, secondly, you talked about your love life being expansive. That's what I heard, right.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Expansive. What about your love life feels expansive at this time.
Speaker 2:I think what I did not know before working with you is, like you know, I've I'd heard you talk about this being a spiritual practice, uh, in terms of dating, but I just did not expect the ways that, like through dating, through these regulating experiences, through feeling like lit up, through feeling like more visible and feeling like I'm worthy of someone you know taking a trip from New York, you know, for this one date, that like because that allowed me to sort of like receive that and experience that it's starting to just like ripple out and all these other ways where I'm like, oh, like, I keep seeing myself as bigger, I keep seeing myself as like possible, like more as possible.
Speaker 2:It's showing up like in work and like ways that I'm like wanting to start a business. There's ways where I'm just kind of like taking up more space and it's like oh, like this was always here but I didn't like have some of the access to it, I think, because because, whatever, but now I'm like I see it everywhere and it's like, oh, like I'm going to ask for what I want and and I'm going to believe that I can get it, and then it shows up and even when I'm like not necessarily thinking about it consciously. There's ways where I've just sort of moved and shifted in some of my energy that like things just show up now, Like people buying me lunches, giving me free stuff. I'm like, was this always available? But it's just like my energy and like kind of my consciousness now is like open, where I'm like, oh, this is possible in everything and I see it now. I can't unsee it, oh, absolutely.
Speaker 1:Men spotting you on Instagram, sliding in DMs offering dates from there. Men spotting you in public and are like, oh, I got to get to know. You Like all of this expansion and like men deciding that, OK, this is a woman that I really want to show up for and you get into experience that and normalize the experience like this isn't something that we have to tap out of. This is something that we can lean towards. So that's so exciting and playful. Was that the last word? It is yeah, Well, make sure to like playful.
Speaker 2:I think one of the things that came up, I think, early on around like core values was just like I do a lot of serious things, I do a lot of deep thinking, but I'm like a playful person and I think I was not showing up in dating in the little bit that I was doing like as a playful person.
Speaker 2:And so now, like just through my profile, through the conversations I'm having through like the types of you know dates that I'm saying that I want to have and that I'm like engaging with people around, it's like, oh, like, I want to have fun.
Speaker 2:I want to like not just do fun things, but in my conversations and in, yeah, just how we spend our time together, but like all of it, I'm like and I'm looking for that playful energy, right, so I can also tell you know, if somebody is kind of you know not into that, I'm like, oh, okay, we might not be a good fit, but I'm just like and enjoying dating in ways that feel fun. And even when I'm like getting rejected, I can like make a little game out of it where it's just like, oh okay, like that's not it, let me go over here and I feel like even the tools for you know, kind of like if I'm, you know, getting bored with the apps or if I'm, you know, having trouble with something in person. There's just ways where I now feel like I just have so many tools that it's like, okay, I'll just figure it out, you know, and I'll I'll move on to the next thing, and it can just be lighthearted and um, yeah, fun and playful.
Speaker 1:I. I picked up on that quite a bit when you started getting into the groove of things. The telegram updates you would send to our message app I'm like these messages are so playful. You were so excited about all the things that you were getting into the minute you were meeting, even when you hopped on the dating apps earlier than what we had planned. Dating apps earlier than what we had planned. I said, okay, I see this girl. She excited, she all lit up. She's sending me messages. I told her we wasn't there. Yet she's there. We're going to let her play. Hopefully she's going to be okay when she gets that first reality check.
Speaker 2:It was enlightening. It was enlightening for sure. It's very playful.
Speaker 1:It was enlightening, for sure, but very playful.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so so much fun that I didn't think was possible.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so when we first connected on the sales call, you told me that you had been single most of your life. At 40 years old, you had your date, your last date, six months prior to us connecting and you were struggling to finish your PhD. That's why we call him Dr Douglas. Hint, hint, while dealing with nightmare tenant issues, fast forward, we're fast forward. Five, six months in, now you're Dr Douglas. Yeah, now we have a court date for the tenant. Yeah, now we have multiple men traveling hours just to date, you including the man who came from New York to perform the magic tricks in his hotel. In the man who came from New York to perform the magic tricks in his hotel.
Speaker 2:What the hell happened from there to now. It has really been just mind-blowing to me, I think, because the ways that I had a sense of who you are and how you do this work. But I did not expect that like working with you would just make so many shifts, a lot of like mind shifts and mind work and not even realizing how much I was like carrying to try to like move through this tenant situation, move through this dissertation, try to get back into this dating game. And I'm like, in the time that we've worked together, it's wild to me like just how much you know and you would say this. But I'm like, oh, I get it now.
Speaker 2:Like we were building my capacity, we were expanding my container, we were like just making room for, like clearing out a lot of stuff. And I and I feel it now where I'm just like if the floodgates had opened early on, like I would have been like you know what, it's all right, I don't need to date, like I'm over it. And now it's kind of like, even in what could you know from an outside perspective, look like slower. I'm like no, like I'm building skills, like I'm clearing some patterns and it's and it's really, really helpful.
Speaker 1:Oh man it's, it's so good. I remember, um, it was January, 2025, January, we in 2025, january. And what did that mean to you as a 40 year old woman who wanted marriage and kids and had no idea when it would happen? Like, what did it even mean to you coming to that call?
Speaker 2:And you know I don't know if we talked about this, but I think I was mentioning this recently to some friends where it's like I had been sort of on a path where it's like, ok, I've been doing the work to kind of do these other things for these other parts of my life and I've not really seen the success that I want in this one area, while, like marriage and partnership and a family like is a huge thing for me.
Speaker 2:I had kind of like this idea in my mind that, like you know what that I desire, like in partnership, in marriage, in starting a family, it's like I have to give it like an honest try. And I felt like I've been kind of dibbling and dabbling, but not really like serious, in a way that it's like if you actually want to change this, if you actually want to see a different result, then like, let me step into something that feels a little bit uncomfortable. Let me step into something that feels a little bit uncomfortable, let me step into something that feels different and get some support. And so it's felt like it's just been so much more expansive than that. But yeah, that's kind of how I came to. You was just sort of like listen, it's going to be my last attempt before I go over here and figure out what's popping at the sperm bank.
Speaker 1:So it's like oh wow. Wow, and I'm so glad that I did the sperm bank. So it's like, wow, and I'm so glad that I did the sperm bank, oh I I'm sure a lot can listen and relate, cause a lot of women are like gotta freeze my eggs, I gotta, I gotta do this, cause I just don't know if it's going to happen. And so like what was the story you think you were telling yourself about? Like why love or dating wasn't working for you?
Speaker 2:Yeah, probably a number of things. I think one just kind of being that like I'm at this point and this age and like it hasn't happened yet. So there's some belief of like maybe it's just not possible. Like for me, like I believe in the big picture, like yeah, like this can happen. I can see that around me and yet maybe for me it's not possible.
Speaker 2:And I think you know, even early on, when we we had our sales call and then I was like yeah, like do you have like client stories or just like can I talk to somebody? Because I was like I mean, I know that you're probably really good at what you do, but like I don't know if it's going to work for me, like specifically in all of my quirks and you know, not even necessarily that I have like some like outlandish kind of expectations as much as like I don't know, I'm a little bit unconventional, I'm kind of a bit of a weirdo, I'm just like I don't. I don't know if, like there might be something wrong with me in which you know what I mean. Like what works for other people wouldn't work for me.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's a big question for a lot of women, especially the self-proclaimed quirky girls, self-proclaimed girls who call themselves weird. They're wondering, like Tora, I see you, it works for you. I see it works for some of your I guess neurotypical audience. I see it works for the normal average girl that I'm seeing. But I'm a late bloomer or I'm quirky or I got some weird old tendencies that people kind of like have side-eyed over the years. Maybe I thought that I was a little off. Maybe there's quirks that people see that are on the spectrum, or whatever.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And I feel like, could this work for me? And so when you were like, okay, I need to think about this, can you, can I talk to somebody? I was like, well, I don't, you know, I'm not going to call because typically, what? When I used to do that, people would like waste my past clients time I'm like, no, we're not going to do that. But what I can do is I can give you the podcast episodes that I think could be helpful for you, like a range of women with different type of experiences or perspectives, and that could help you make your decision.
Speaker 1:And so when I saw you enrolled, I was like wow, like she took her time, she listened to the podcast episodes and she made a decision and came into it. And I know one of the things that you were apprehensive about on the sales call, you were like I just want to be responsible. I was like what are you talking about? I just want to be responsible for making this investment. You know, I got a lot of things going on, you know. And I was like what are you talking about? What do you mean by responsible? And basically you was like, well, it boiled down to you didn't feel responsible in certain other areas in your life and it was bleeding into. Well, shit, I ain't really feel like I'm showing up over here. So how I'm gonna show up in the dating container if I pay torah all his money and I'm just gonna be in the same pattern.
Speaker 1:And when you told me, you were like, look I am, I have a dissertation. How long have had it been when you were drowning in dissertation anxiety? Seven years, seven years of working on your dissertation, seven years of being paralyzed, of having all these thoughts of like okay, people are passing me, people who have started the program after me are getting their PhDs. I'm not doing it. So there's a place where you didn't feel responsible there. And then the other place was you had a squatter in one of your rental properties that was not paying any rent, was letting electrical go out, like all type of stuff. But because you live in a state with squatters rights, it left, like you not getting your rent. So there's money going out of the door. You don't know when you're going to see that money. You even had people who applied to live there and they couldn't even move in because the squatter wanted to be a weirdo and selfish, like how did it feel wanting to invest into your love, life or all of that stuff going on in the background.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I think there's so many things that you touched on. So the dissertation piece, I think being a big one because of that messaging around like well, this is a thing I signed up for, I'm the one who's not showing up for it every day, I'm the one who's like not seeing the results. And so, yeah, that question about my own sort of like ability to be consistent, like am I going to show up to this? Like am I going to be, you know, able to complete things and like move in a way that other people have? And then, with the tenant situation, Lord, have mercy, I have a court date tomorrow. So this has been.
Speaker 2:What's crazy is like we started working together in January and when we were talking about this, it's like nothing has changed since January.
Speaker 2:I have not seen a dime of money, and that man is still in my house and it's like it was weighing in a way that I'm like, listen, I want to move forward in my life in this area, but like I have no idea if I'm ever going to see a check from this man, and like it doesn't feel responsible to like make this investment, even if it's in myself, and it's like there was fear there and like financially, it was like I could do this, I could be okay.
Speaker 2:I feel like I even said that to you but there was the fear of like what's on the other side of it, and I think today what I can say is like if, if I had not like been working with you through that mindset, work, for both of those things, I'm just like I would not have the capacity that I do right now to have moved through those things and been dating. It's like what. There was nights when I was literally awake and could not go to sleep. My blood pressure was up, I was just having anxiety with every text and phone call, and it's like we worked through it and just made so much more room for me to like breathe and to like ask for support and to just recognize like I'm okay, Like I'm actually okay, and so, yeah, it created so much capacity and I'm just, I'm so grateful.
Speaker 1:That's why, you know, when women and they come to me and they're like oh, I'm too busy today, or I'm too tired today, or there's too much going on in my life today, I don't have time today, I always know like it's a capacity issue and it's a mindset issue. A lot of times we think we don't have time because we have a lot of mind drama, we have a lot of anxiety, we have a lot of fear, we have a lot going on that makes us feel tired, when actually we just need to deal with those patterns. And so when you came to me with that, I got so excited.
Speaker 2:I was like girl, that's all.
Speaker 1:Not a problem. I I said because you were like thinking like, oh, I should handle that first and then let's work on dating. I'm like no, if you work with me, I will help you deal with that. I will help you create. I literally told you, I will help you clean up the space so that you can actually date. And it's exactly what we did. Did you believe me when I told you that, when I first told you that?
Speaker 2:I don't know, I took a leap if I didn't, but I think, yeah, just even how we like talked about it, I think, yeah, and you just sort of framing, like yeah, you're asking about these things over here, but like if you don't take care of this part in front of it, like yeah, you, you're asking about these things over here, but like if you don't take care of this part in front of it, like this is going to wear you out.
Speaker 2:And I think that also goes back to like why I said like dating has felt like regulating, because it's like when I was spinning out in just like other areas of my life, because, like I just things felt so much out of my control. There's ways now where I'm like, oh, actually, I'm in control of all of this and I'm in control of, like, how I respond to it, how it affects me and like, and it can still feel good, like even in the midst of like crazy chaos. I think that was a big thing. Like, through some of the thought work that we had to do, which was around, like I didn't think that I was allowed to like enjoy myself or like have pleasure or have fun, because, like this shit is very scary and I don't know how it's going to end and I don't know what's going to happen. And I've been letting this thing like weigh on me for seven years and it's like, and I'm allowed to have fun, and it's been like that and I'm just like, oh, okay, Like that's very regulating.
Speaker 1:I know we had to go into emergency mode with you, kind of like as soon as we started working together. Um, typically, when clients start working with me, they think like okay, like we're going to get right down to business and start dating, which which could happen. But if we have to clear your life or we have to clean some patterns up, dating has, dating may wait, because now we have to make, we have to make room for love in your life. All of this is a part of the process, but when you came in, it was even. It was even like more urgent than hey, we got to clean your patterns was even. It was even like more urgent than hey, we got to clean your patterns.
Speaker 1:We're like we have to clean up some fires because you're burning up right now. Your nervous system is burning up right now and I remember you kept having a thought something's wrong with me, Especially when it came to, like the landlord situation and the squatter, and we had a huge breakthrough because I'm like nothing's wrong with you. You're a landlord and this is business, and as a business, you are like this is what comes along with the territory. And what if we just decided that we are a landlord who's running our landlord business, and this is just the cost of doing it. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, out like okay, this is something that's happening.
Speaker 2:It's just a problem that needs to be solved. And then it's like there's all of these ways that this problem can get solved, and maybe that's not today, but also it's like okay, how do I need to make more money? What do I need to do? You know what I mean. There's just ways where I'm like okay, it's a problem, it's not a big deal and I would not have. Even when you said that, I was just like okay, yes, I believe Lord, but that man got all my money and I'm like there's nothing we can do about that.
Speaker 1:But here's what we can do, because right now you feel exhausted and drained and dysregulated because you got. You're asking your brain a lot of questions what if this, what if that? How come that? I'm like I need you to just write down every question that your brain has and we need to come up with a good answer for it. Once we come up with a good answer for every question, you're going to feel so much more relaxed and more at ease. And not only that, we are going to be able to be in a position for you to ask for support and receive it, so that you can be comforted during this period that you cannot control, and that is going to give you the space. And so, like, how was it when we were able to get you to a point to regulate yourself and also express your desires to the people around you and receive support while you were dealing with this squatting BS?
Speaker 2:Yeah, that part of shifting my mind but then asking people for support, because a lot of times what was happening was people were just asking me for updates, like, well, what's going on? I'm like, girl, nothing has changed. The man is in my house, I can't get him out, and it would rise. You know what I mean. All this anxiety would rise. But then it's like, okay, once I regulated just my brain and my thoughts about the things, then it was like, hey, I'm not going to give any more updates because nothing is changing. But here's how you can support me.
Speaker 2:So, whether that's my cousin, hey, could you write out a formal cussing out of this man, and I don't actually need you to send it, I don't need nobody to bring no guns over to the house. Like could you support me by like telling me about a time when you went through something hard and like how you got to the other side. Um, you know just different things where it was like could you just encourage me? You know, and so like even the vulnerability of sort of like asking for that, but like seeing people show up for me even in those simple things. But asking for it was just like, oh, like people go through hard times and, like you, can get support and I'm going to be.
Speaker 1:OK, yeah, absolutely. And if that wasn't a problem, then this seven year dissertation shame came about.
Speaker 1:You had a lot of shame around. It's taken me seven years to get to this and we counteracted that shame because shame is a distraction. Shame just allows us to distract from the solution, because we get to feel sorry for ourselves, we get to feel pity for ourselves, but it actually doesn't move us forward. And so one of the things that we did around that piece first of all, you're brilliant, right, there's like nothing to be ashamed about. Like if, if, if there's some procrastination involved, it has nothing to do with your brilliance and everything to do with. Like, what will it look like for us to take tiny baby steps toward what we want? And like clean up the mental drama around comparison, the mental drama around what will my advisor think?
Speaker 1:Or they're going to just think that I'm, that I'm pissing this off, and so, like, we even had to work to change the relationship with your dissertation advisor, right, cause you were avoiding her, and we put, we, put you, we literally got you to a point where you had a schedule every single week no dating, by the way, we're like three months, four months in, no dating. We're handling the tenant. We ain't talked to one man in a romantic way yet. We're dealing with the tenant. We're dealing with the dissertation and we're making space for that. We're dealing with a tenant, we're dealing with a dissertation and we're making space for that. And after seven years, how did it feel to finally submit your dissertation and become the doctor you always knew you were. Seven years ago, you knew.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, I was going to tell you today they sent the official thing Like it's been accepted at the university.
Speaker 2:So, like today I'm like officially, officially done Double D, yes, in all the ways.
Speaker 2:And it's like I, I I struggled, you know, and and I think again, like working with you, getting through other things, getting through other hard things, like made a little bit more room for me to just, like you said you're going to do this and you have the option to quit, and that's not what I wanted to do, because I remember that was also a question of like OK, like the same seems like it's really draining you, like is this what you want to do?
Speaker 2:And so it's like, in making that decision of like yes, like I am going to continue to show up to this, making just a little bit more room for it and and kind of you know again, like having people support me was, was important, but I think honestly so much of it now that it's like done is where I can just see all the places where it was just like girl, you had this, you always had this, you never didn't have this, and like it took me kind of getting to the other side of it to kind of recognize like I have so much power, I have so much like um, just capacity, and I just didn't know how to access it and so, um, yeah, it was really, really difficult. But I think today I'm like I kind of needed to experience what I did in order to kind of like I have like a level of like trust now in myself, a level of like showing upness right when I'm like you know even with dating, coaching, where it's like girl, I've been here every week.
Speaker 2:I ain't missed no meetings, like you know. And it's like even with the dissertation, where it's like you know, and it's like even with the dissertation, where it's like you know, that's significantly different. But it's like Even with this idea of being called doctor, like I, before doing a PhD, I was just like that feels very pretentious, like you know, I don't know really that that feels important to me. But now I'm like girl, fuck that shit. I work really hard, like actually, yeah, you, you can refer to me as doctor because I went through some things. So yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1:I love that. I love that so much. I'm so proud of you. And even though we were not dating, what do this? Is what? Four months in or five like we're not dating. And yet we're we.
Speaker 1:Yet, even though we're not dating, we have been working on dating skills the whole time of expressing our desires, of eliciting support, of communicating our needs and wants, of creating spaciousness so that we can receive, like. We've been working on all of that, like being able to navigate uncomfortable feelings. We've been doing that for those months where we were not dating. So it wasn't like we were not working on the skillset, it just we were not dating at the time. And I think that's why and we'll get to that later why you kind of like quantum leap and catapulted into dating in such a grounded, peaceful way. I mean, of course we have some ups and downs, but your transition into dating has been one of the most grounding, I guess, experiences that I've had from a client, and a lot of that was because we spent a lot of time working on the skills even though we were not dating, with the dissertation and the tenant situation, and I think that also led to your identity shift from hiding to being seen. You went from someone who was scared to be visible.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:To someone who invited everyone to her dissertation defense, including my ass. Tell me about like the moment or like the realization, when you decided oh, what does that even feel like in your body?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think I feel like it started with some of the mind work we were doing around getting my dating profile together, where it was like some drama around, kind of like, well, this is how I feel, but these aren't the pictures that I'm going to put on here. Or like this is what I like actually do in my real life, but these aren't the things I'm going to stay on here. And so I think, through some of the like, the self-coaching work, it was like I had to come to the realization of like I keep saying, like I want to be seen, I want to be, you know, accepted, as I like, fully am, and you're like well, how are you going to be accepted if you're hiding these parts of you? And I'm like, oh okay, let me make some adjustments. And so I think that was the first part of like, oh okay, well, let me like be true to kind of like who I am. And then I think you know, once we kind of like got a little bit more into it, I think there's a way where I don't have I don't have the same sort of fear about being seen, don't have the same sort of fear about being seen, where sometimes it would be like, well, I'm too weird. I don't want people to like see me in that way and like think that I'm weird, even though I think that I'm weird, you know. And so there are these like disconnects between like but you are weird and it's like, oh, okay, and you like weird people. So just own that. So that feels like it just allows me to kind of really just be more expressed and be even weirder and be just kind of like more OK with me.
Speaker 2:And then I think it's been, it's been interesting to in like the more of like the dating space or just kind of like literally just going out and kind of like I don't know, I don't want to say like turning it on, but there's a way where, like I can recognize now when it's like I'm closed as opposed to like oh, like I'm open. And I can remember I told you about this this was only, this was recently where, like there's this thing where I didn't realize or I wasn't paying attention to like people are seeing me in a space, like people are like noticing me, but I'm just kind of like with my head down and I'm not really paying attention to that. But I had some like confidence, I had some like boldness.
Speaker 2:I was in the metro and like I'm seeing people look at me and I'm like looking back at them, and particularly like with with men, where it's like I see them looking at me. I look back at them, where we've now connected eyes and I just made a game of it, like I'm not going to look away. He's going to have to look away Like, and it would just be fun because they're like I would see them like start giggling and now I'm like, oh, we're just, you know, this is me being seen and seeing other people too and seeing other people too, you know, and so I think it just makes just interactions generally just more fun and more playful and less like angsty. It's like, yeah, people are looking at you, girl, look back at them.
Speaker 1:It's like, oh girl, yeah, that just reminds me, because I remember you feeling like you had to shrink in certain places, especially like in professional spaces, and then we worked on you practicing pleasure, presence of, like practicing being in your body and like all the settings. And, girl, I don't know what happened to you. You, just you became a little hellcat. I'm like she like this a little too much. No, just no. She was like, look, look, this is what happened and this is what I felt today and I'm like oh my gosh she is enjoying the hell out of this, in which I love that.
Speaker 1:For you, um, and like it was, it was a very, very exciting pieces of like, overcoming like the fear of like you just being too much in these spaces, and now people are noticing you everywhere and you're making it your business to be seen by people, to be felt by people, and because of that, people are responding. People are like I want to know you, I want to connect with you, I want to date you. Yeah, absolutely, and I see you yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think too. I mean we we talked about this briefly with like, with like Instagram, like I usually just go on there and like consume, like I mean I watch all of your stuff and like I have some friends, I'll follow them and you know what I mean I just kind of like scrolling, but around that visibility piece of sort of like actually stepping into like my own page and my own space, you know, and sort of just allowing myself to be seen. I was just like I got like two or three dates from that, or two or three like asks for dates and two like actual dates and just conversations with really interesting people and I'm like, okay, like yeah, let's use all the tools, but also like not just in service of me trying to you know date, but just kind of like connections and ways of like engaging with people where it's just like, oh, this is just fun and it's just like more natural and like, yeah, it doesn't have to be such a big deal.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, I think you also did a great job with detaching from the outcome. Oh yeah, I think you also did a great job with detaching from the outcome. Typically, what hangs people up when it comes to this work is they're like oh yeah, tara, I hired you to help me get a man. I hired you to help me get this rotation. Where is it I need them down? If we can really just truly surrender and just focus on the skills which you have been extremely great at at. Okay, the outcome. I want to be married by 2027, but I'm going to release all attachment to all of that to just be with the transformation and it's been such an amazing experience for you because of that and what we didn't.
Speaker 1:We started working together in January. It took until April for you to get on the apps. I mean, that's, that was our first little dating situation. You wouldn't even meet men in person. So January and in April is when you got on the apps. Right, you finally got on. Let's talk about your first manic phase with online dating. Let's talk about the manic phase. Swipe, like I didn't even give you the strategy yet. Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:You just decided you was like oh Tor got me cleaning up my life. Let me hop on the apps.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, we did my profile and I was like oh, tor, got me cleaning up my life, let me hop on the apps. Oh my gosh, we did my profile and I was like, okay, cool, like I mean I'm ready. It was not, it was not, but it's okay.
Speaker 2:You know, like I was out here getting my feelings hurt and because at that time I was still very much like attached to some outcomes, I was like why my feelings hurt? And because at that time I was still very much like attached to some outcomes, I was like why?
Speaker 1:why would somebody ghost me?
Speaker 2:I'm out here being expressed like, visible, Like. Why would? Why would you just unmatch with me like that? Haven't you read my profile? I'm offended.
Speaker 1:I call that transformation entitlement, Like once we start building the skill, we're just like how dare you? I have a coach.
Speaker 2:Come on, Elle. This was a real upgrade to my profile. I don't know why you're not getting along with the plan.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So I remember the weekend you were really, really high. You were sending me screenshots. Oh my gosh, look at this. Like I'm enjoying myself. It's so fun. I watched you the whole weekend. I was like, okay, she's gonna get to the point where her feelings are gonna get hurt. I just hope we can like she it's like after the weekend so I can hold her appropriately. She's going to get her feelings hurt because I know she's very excited. She doesn't realize that people are going to disappoint her on the apps. Even with all the new skills, she's still going to get disappointed People. Just because you got skills don't mean that you're not going to get your feelings hurt on the app. And then, within days, you were like you know what I'm done?
Speaker 2:yeah, come one day. I was like you know what, maybe, maybe this ain't what I want after all I was like no, this is normal.
Speaker 1:When we learn new things and we have new skills, we get so excited and we go in and we just think that high is gonna last. But that's not where the skills are proven. The skills are proven when we don't get what we want, when we're able to hold ourselves when we don't get what we want, when we hold on to the desire when we don't get what we want, and so that was a lesson that you and I had to have. But, man, you, just whenever when I explained it that was the only time I needed to explain it you had it. After that, you were like okay, tora, I guess, you know, I guess, and it felt like you released everything. Would you say that that was true, or what are your thoughts? Do you feel like you may have held on longer than that? You may have held?
Speaker 2:on longer than that.
Speaker 2:I think after that first blow, those first few days, it was like after having our conversation, I think I understood a little bit more and I think a big piece about somehow I had missed the part which we had talked about. But it was like not everybody's going to be in alignment with you anyway, and like this is part of the process of like figuring that out. So where I'm over here, you know, over the weekend, I was, like you know, spinning out and like, well, what's wrong with me? Like why wouldn't they like me? And it's like, girl, if they don't want to do a video call with you, that's not who you want to talk to anyway. So it's like, oh, okay, yeah, you're right, you're right.
Speaker 2:Um, and it was just other things like that too, where I think now I can kind of just be like, even sometimes, if I'm still like not swiping in a way that I feel like you would align with the match to meet method. I'm like you made a, a choice there and you saw the results of it. So go back to the method, go back to the plan and stop wasting your energy on stuff that Tora has said don't do in the first place.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's one thing I love about y'all. I let y'all deviate, I will let y'all have the autonomy, but there is a reason why there is a method, there is a plan to save you a lot of energy, but I love supporting y'all when y'all deviate. I love it because you can just come back whenever you're ready. So we're at a point where you are attracting completely different men than when we first got together that were not adding value. Like what is the difference about? Like these men that you're meeting and connecting with, compared to the men that you were attracting before?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. I will also just say that I think in that first, whatever we you know we're talking about clearing those first men like literally the fear that I had when you were like here, log in on your phone, show me the message and then, like, let's craft this message to release this man. Like did you say you don't want to talk to no more, but I'm like, but no, like I don't, but also like it's fine, it's fine, it's fine.
Speaker 2:Like don't worry about it, I'll just I'll just let him linger over there. And you're like, okay, how does this sound? And you're like, send it. I want to tell you I've never heard from that man again. And like my life is clear and good. And like from there I was just like, oh, I can do this all the time. And so there's.
Speaker 2:I think there's a way that like yeah, I had these attachments.
Speaker 2:I mean, yeah, I have these attachments to people where it was like we've known each other for a really long time, or like he didn't actually do anything wrong, or just like he's not getting on my nerves, like that was my baseline. It's just like I don't know he's not getting on my nerves, like that was my baseline. It's just like I don't know he's not getting on my nerves, like I just let it linger Versus, like now seeing, like, just like the depth of conversation, the vulnerability, the showing up, the care, like and this isn't even like people that I have known for 10 plus years, you know. So it's like I had these other people, these other guys who were, like you know, just kind of like hanging out in my space that I just allowed to keep. You know, just hanging out, not offering anything, but you know, not taking anything either, so I was justifying it. But it's like once I've sort of and you said that this would happen, but it's like once I sort of like see you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Like people who are being intentional, like just that as a baseline is like, oh, like you didn't just hit me up with the like hi, how you doing what you doing. I'm like you're asking thoughtful questions. You're like trying to connect. You're trying to like go on dates.
Speaker 1:Like wow, Imagine that I love it. I'm so like. This is so exciting because so many women don't get to have this experience at all. You're having it within a few months time of seeing men rotting in my phone. This phone rot just sitting in there, taking up energetic space.
Speaker 1:And even though we don't think it's a big deal, every time a man reaches out and he's not adding value to your life, he's extracting value. And you're dealing with a tenant situation and you're dealing with a seven-year procrastination on a dissertation, we think, oh, I don't have time. Really, we're just being energetically drained at all aspects. Get rid of these men out of the phone, get rid of the. The drain is the men who don't are not bringing value, so we can bring them in who do have value. And so how does like life feel sweeter when you have men showing up for you, even when you got a raggedy, squatter in your home? Doesn't it feel good to have men coming and care of you and tend to you, with a raggedy ass, squatter in the house, not getting no rent from them?
Speaker 2:yeah, yeah, and I think too, even this idea, right of like, I could get stuck in a place of like, oh like, like there's, you know, there's no good manner, they're all taken, and it's like even having to kind of like make some of those shifts is like, oh, they're like, they are all around and it's like you know, even I think we had talked about, like my property manager as just like a person who was like supporting me, continues to support me, like through this whole situation, like shows up, not just like, yes, he's doing his job and technically he's not getting paid for it right now, cause I'm not getting paid, but it's like he he did not like waiver on like showing up for me and with, you know, with these other men too, it's just like, not from a place of even like expecting something.
Speaker 2:It's just like you're like you, just you want me to like be cared for, and I appreciate that so much in ways that it just makes, I don't know, like something less than that. It's just like well, what are we, what are we here for?
Speaker 1:You just want to say hi on my phone, like for what Go Speaking of like expansiveness, like you talked about your love life being expansive. Like how did it feel, feel to have a man, have men driving two plus hours to come see you?
Speaker 2:like how did that even feel you know, it's like there's still part of me that's like did that really happen? Like, is this really like me? Who's experiencing it? Because, you know, I think one of the things that we talked about is, like where I'm sometimes like I'm matching a lot of times with people who, like, don't necessarily live near me and I can get into my mind about, like, oh well, you know some guys. They're like, yeah, that's too far. Like you know, I'm not willing to do that. But then and then there are the ones that are and it's like, willing to do that, but then and then there are the ones that are and it's like, oh okay, well, let me just ask for what I want.
Speaker 2:And like those are the people who are, you know, showing up and it feels, I would say it feels regulating, in a sense of like my body and system didn't know that this was possible, and it's like, oh okay, we can do that and we can experience it and it feels good. I think there's another way that it feels, like I don't know. It feels like care, in a way that I've just not really experienced for men, and I don't want to say anybody. I mean, my family and friends are very, very good to me. But in romantic situations again with people who I'm like still just getting to know, I'm like this feels like like care in a way. That's like I didn't know that I don't know, I didn't know that I could ask for, I didn't know that I could experience.
Speaker 1:Can you ever go back to believing that you're asking for too much at this point?
Speaker 2:I think it feels like I'm only going to get bigger, I'm only going to like ask for more. And it's like, even in being met and like where I'm at today. You know, there's a way where, like, I'm still in the practice's, a way where I'm still in the practice, I'm still in figuring things out, I'm still in clarity, and there's ways where I can feel like, yeah, I'm matching, just getting bigger from here, and so even in that, I'm like I'm not making any major decisions because I'm just like, yeah, I'm not, I'm not staying here, so it's just like I will continue to be met as I like expand.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. And the fact that a man traveled near like far to come visit you and spent an 11 hour date, got his home old hotel, did not request for you to pay for anything, he handled everything. How did it feel like to have someone do all that and be like into you and not looking for sex?
Speaker 2:Yeah, it it was. It was both beautiful. And I remember, after coming to you and be you, be like girl I don't know if he likes me, like I wasn't used to that, like I was not. Like when I say regulating, it's just like wait. I thought wait, he's not gonna like do something, he's not gonna try something, like did I do something wrong? Like where am I, you know? And it no. Like he genuinely wants to spend time with you. He really took this trip with his magic bag and like brought all his tools and tricks to spend time with you and to connect with you. And that was it.
Speaker 1:Girl, I was like, if you don't get off my damn Zoom, call this man, I hate the vibe call this man. Girl, when you came on that Zoom call.
Speaker 2:I just don't know if he likes. I don't think he likes.
Speaker 1:I said so he traveled hours, right? No, we can say maybe he got to you when he was like nah, she good, like, I'm not into her, like that. I don't think a man would stay with you 11 hours in a day if he didn't like you. I think men are very clear and they're not interested, they're not gonna spend and they're not gonna perform magic tricks for you for three hours in their personal space. If a man did not like I'd like, they said, but he didn't touch me. I'm like he. I think he was being a gentleman. I, I think he. I think he's a man that doesn't try to extract from a woman. You're so used to men extracting value from you, coming to get from you, that you're like oh, this man ain't coming to get. Is something wrong? Am I not appealing? No, you're appealing, but just in a different way, yeah, yeah, in a way where you don't have to give because men will talk all the time. I want a feminine woman.
Speaker 1:Well, stop asking us to do things, stop extracting from us and just give so we can just receive extracting from us and just give so we can just receive. And then when we meet men like that, they just want to provide for the feminine. They don't need us to give back, because if you're asking us to give back, you're asking for a transaction and that is not a feminine. That's not allowing the woman to be feminine. Right, we're bartering now. So I was just so again, I'm so happy that you got to, you get to experience me. We're not looking to extract from you. Oh, my god, you know I often I know you follow my stories closely and whenever I would share what men would do for me.
Speaker 1:People are like what do you do for the men? Yeah, what the hell do I have to do anything? Yeah, we've anything. We've gotten to the point where, like we can't, like, no one respects the feminine enough to allow the feminine to just be you know, yeah, and it just there's just so much, and like it's like you teach it, you live it and we see it.
Speaker 2:But there is something about experiencing it Like from I didn't pay, from the parking to the lunch, to the nothing, and like nice places where I'm just like he don't, he don't want nothing, like he just want to hang out, chat and like do magic tricks and it just yeah, yeah, it is is regulating, but also like does like create some discomfort in a place of like, where I'm just not used to that yet, and so I think, um, yeah, I'm excited about continuing to practice and like just receive more and more speaking about practice, you know, like.
Speaker 1:What I teach is like. Dating is your spiritual work. Dating is your like, it's a part of your practice. Your whole life is your practice, and so dating is a piece of that. How did the practice like? As this is a spiritual practice, how did it show up in areas of of your life? How did it enhance other areas?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think a few ways and I can give like a couple of examples. But like slowing down, being intentional and also like having like a reason or a purpose for like doing things, and that that could be across the board, like period. But I think one of the ways that it showed up was like on the apps, where it's like I can tell I'm like mindlessly swiping or like I'm getting my feelings hurt and it's like well, girl, did you like what was your purpose in coming here, like, and what mindset were you in before getting on here? I know we talked a lot about like kind of like dopamine hits, you know and where it's just like I can feel myself just scrolling. I can feel myself just kind of like swiping mindlessly and it's like okay, I could do that and it's like okay.
Speaker 2:But if I slow down, if I'm intentional, like in those times, it's like I've noticed like I'm more excited just on the swiping, I'm like oh, like I want to talk to him, I want to go on a date with him, you know, and it's like you know it just it creates a different experience because I'm showing up differently. And I think that's true about the other things too, where it's just like in my day to day, like whether I'm taking a walk or I'm going to get lunch and engaging with people or just being like, slowing down and being intentional of like this is another human being on the other side of me. That's like also having some experience and it's like it just feels way more connective when I'm able to like consider that, like all of this is practice all of it and that's that's why I'm always having a good time.
Speaker 1:You know I'll get on the app. So I'm like like how can I make someone smile today? How can I make a man blush today, right, even if I'm not really interested? How could I be today? I know there was a guy I swiped right on on hinge the other day. He was like don't, you, don't have a chance with me. If you're a parent, you know you don't have a chance with me, don't swipe on me. And I swiped on him and because he he met, he sent me a rose and he was like I want to earn the right to know you, queen. And I saw what was on his page. I'm like, let me let, let me let him waste his rose on me. I was like, oh, I'm so sorry, I just I'm a parent.
Speaker 1:That man called me a catfish oh my god, but like even playing, like even just being present and like just being playful in that way Like oh sorry, you just came on here being ridiculous, but anywho. So the places where your practice led you to become like a better manager at work, thinking bigger about your career, handling your money and investments, would you like to talk a little bit about those enhancements?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. So I would say at work, one of the ways that it's showing up is like somewhat through I would say through boundaries, just in terms of like yeah, some some difficult conversations I had to have, but also just like taking more responsibility. I think that's been a big piece of like. Taking responsibility in my dating life has shown up as like taking more responsibility of my life. There's some ways in work where I could kind of show up like you know, kind of like waiting for other people to kind of you know handle things, or like shying away from, kind of you know doing big girl stuff, where it's just like you're, you're the person, this is all you, but also with like this. So I will say this is the biggest investment that I have made in terms of like personal development and like direct coaching.
Speaker 2:In terms of like personal development and like direct coaching, um, and through the process of working with you and like all of the um, the, the, the ways that I've been able to see the benefits of it, um, I just enrolled in a um, like a business coaching um course, because I'm like, I know how helpful that is Like and I can see in like you know I've been talking about in this expansiveness, I'm like there's so much more possible for me and there's so much more that, like I can benefit from in terms of like working with somebody in this type of capacity.
Speaker 2:So that's been a shift for me, because I've sort of had this idea a long time that like, yeah, I'm not really cut out for a nine to five, but like this is just what I'm doing. But it's like, well, if you want something else, do something else. And I'm now like investing in that and in myself in a way that like I didn't think I would have done before working with you. And then, yeah, I think, just yeah, like I said, just generally, like taking just like ownership and responsibility to like name that I can have and I can do what, what I want and like it is, it is my responsibility to like to have the life that I want.
Speaker 1:Speaking of responsibility, I remember you saying like oh, I have the responsibility of making more money. I can do that. You know, I have the responsibility of negotiating as a manager. Like I can do that. Like in, I have the responsibility of negotiating as a manager. Like I can do that, like in my career. I'm like this this work is so when we make it a practice. It is such trends, it's such a transformation man, we be sleeping on dating. Dating is the portal to alchemizing a lot of what's going on in our lives, because it is the most painful. Yeah, it's the most painful, the most personal to it, and if we can tap into the most painful, personal thing to us, it will reflect in all the areas of our lives. But because a lot of us aren't dating, or we shy away from dating, or we fear dating, or we're drained and tired of dating, we don't get to access that portal to change everything.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, no, I feel that so much because this, I think in the work that you do specifically right, it's like we and you talk about this, where it's like I know how to do these other things, but like dating specifically feels so far out of my control. I know how to do these other things, but like dating specifically feels so far out of my control. That's like I just I can't do anything about it, like because it requires somebody else. And it's like through, through this work, I'm like, oh, if I can, you know, if I can take ownership in this that I didn't think I had control over. Then it's like I'm I can't look at anything else in my life and be like, oh well, that's out of my control. It's like, no, actually I could do something about that.
Speaker 1:Well, Courtney, I have some rapid fire questions for you as we wrap up today. What do you wish you'd known about dating at 25 that you now know at 40?
Speaker 2:at 25, that you now know at 40?. Oh, I wish that I knew that it doesn't have to be serious, it can be fun. I think at 25, I was like I got to get married and get some buns in this oven. So yeah, and to ask for what you want. Ask her what you want early and often.
Speaker 1:How many?
Speaker 2:boyfriends did you have in your lifetime?
Speaker 1:Probably less than I've had dates in the last two weeks. Do you mind sharing, because also a lot of women are like thinking about this too and like feeling out of place. When did you lose your virginity?
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, like two years ago, two years ago, 38 years ago, yeah, and that was a thing of like feeling like a weirdo. You know, because of like. Also, you know how am I going to navigate these conversations and you know you talk a lot about like good girl behavior and just like church and um, yeah, just so many things that I had like moved out of like and yeah, just so many things that I had like moved out of like and knew that I believed differently but wasn't able to kind of like name and own in ways today that I'm like, yeah, this is the experience that I've had and I'm in a different place today and like I can own that, you know, in ways that I was really afraid to, I think, before in ways that I was really afraid to, I think, before.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I have so many women who listen to the podcast, um, that have this experience, but they feel left out because a lot of the women that they do hear from me, a lot of my clients they don't hear like, oh, this person waited until this age to have sex. A lot of people started earlier or were married or had kids. What is your advice for women who think they're too old to start?
Speaker 2:I don't think there's a wrong time to start asking for what you want, to start receiving what you want, to start experiencing what you want, and it's possible. I think that's the biggest thing is like it is possible and if you knew that it was possible, like would there be a certain age that you would like stop trying at, and I hope that the answer is no.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what's the first? Uh well, what investment was worth it in your transformation? Like it was most worth it. What, what did you do? Mindset work?
Speaker 2:What did you do? Mindset work 100%, 100%, because I can take that anywhere, everywhere, in all parts of my life, and it's helping me in dating, but it's helping me everywhere.
Speaker 1:One piece of advice for someone scared to start.
Speaker 2:You got to get in there. Start. You got to get in there Like the. You won't know it until you experience it, but like it's, it's both possible and when you start experiencing it, it just it shifts everything.
Speaker 1:It shifts everything. What would you tell the woman listening who's where you are in January, overwhelmed, making excuses, thinking she needs to get her life perfect first? What would you tell her?
Speaker 2:I would say that this work can make room for the things that you want in your life and you don't have to put them on hold.
Speaker 1:Your proof that 40 isn't too late to just get started with dating, that being inexperienced isn't a disadvantage and that academic women, dr Douglas, can also be irresistible in their feminine. What do you want your story to mean for other women?
Speaker 2:I want it to mean that even if you think you're broken, you think there's something wrong with you. Maybe people tell you there's something wrong with you because you haven't hit certain milestones at a certain age. You know, if you see it happening around you and feeling like it's passing you by, it's like, as long as that desire is still there, like go after that and connect with the person that you know can help and support you and just be be ready to receive and like be open to receiving because it feels. It just feels so good and you don't know what you're missing out on until you're actually experiencing it.
Speaker 1:And last but not least, what are you most excited about as you continue this journey?
Speaker 2:I am really excited about just seeing myself continue to expand and like seeing how men are going to meet me in that place and help me to even expand more men are going to meet me in that place and help me to even expand more.
Speaker 1:I remember telling you that you could, we can get you married by 2027. And it seemed very far-fetched. Does it still feel far-fetched to you?
Speaker 2:Not as much, not as much. I feel like it's definitely possible, All right.
Speaker 1:Thank you, Dr Douglas.
Speaker 2:We're taking out the time to come speak.
Speaker 1:You are our first late bloomer and I really, really like you, laid so much out here. I'm sure all the other late bloomers who are listening to this episode the quirky girls, the girls that feel out of place or the girls that feel like, oh, like I don't know enough, I'm too inexperienced I know that you've blessed them and I'm excited for what this does for them and how this lights them up. So thank you for being a trailblazer, thank you for leaving this legacy and thank you for the movement that you've created in your own space that's going to permeate to all the other women around you. I appreciate you coming out, courtney.
Speaker 2:Yeah, thank you so much for the encouragement to come on Cause I was like I don't know about my story, dora, but you were like yes, yes, yes, everybody's like well, I don't have the man.
Speaker 1:I don't have my one man yet I'm not married. Yet I'm like girl people want to hear where you're at now, because they're so far away from that.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:We just get on with only clients who got their man or who's married, like it would really turn people off because they would feel like y'all, I'm not even dating, I'm sitting on my dissertation, right? You ain't the only client I had that was sitting. Y'all, I'm not even dating, I'm sitting on my dissertation, right? You ain't the only client I had that was sitting on her dissertation. Yeah, right, I'm dealing with money, like a landlord issue, like I'm dealing with that. I'm dealing with all this stuff. I'm not even thinking about marriage at this point. Can I get a date? Yeah, you can.
Speaker 2:You can get several of them Enjoyable ones that are fun. Yes, you can get several of them, enjoyable ones that are fun.
Speaker 1:Yes, Thank you, dr Douglas. And yeah, girl, we still got some work to do today. I mean work to do together.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, looking forward to it. All, right, girl, bye-bye, bye.
Speaker 1:Okay, girl, here's what I want you to take away from this conversation. To my late bloomers you're not behind, you're not too late, you're exactly where you need to be, especially if you listen to this podcast. You're where you need to be, girl, and don't take your inexperience as a disadvantage. Look at it as a clean slate. And to my quirky, weird, unconventional queens the right man will not just tolerate your weirdness, he will celebrate it, he will drive hours to see you be full of yourself, he'll perform magic tricks, because that's what lights them up, and your joy lights them up. And to everyone who thinks they need to get their life perfect first, I need to let me hold your hand when I tell you this Life is never going to be perfect, life is never going to feel completely perfect for you to go out and do the things that you want and need to do. And Dr Douglas Courtney, she cleared her life for love, not before love, for love, not before love. I had to say that twice that that tenant still in her house, but she's still having the time of her life because she learned that you can handle chaos and quality men at the same time. She's a doctor now because she cleared her life for it. So here's your homework. Your homework is stop waiting, girl. Stop waiting, stop making excuses, stop telling yourself stories about why it won't work for you and if it could work for Dr Courtney, it could definitely work for you. And if you're ready to stop waiting for perfect circumstances and start creating the love life, the delicious dating life that you actually want, the one that you actually desire, I want you to join the wait list of Curved to Cuff. You to join the waitlist of Curve to Cuff. We are going to be opening the doors very, very soon so that you can enroll in the next few weeks. You can find the waitlist in my show notes.
Speaker 1:If you're unfamiliar, curve to Cuff is my signature. Now it's a 12 month program to help you build your rotation of two to three men of commitment ready men in 90 days. It's a 12 month program, but the transformation is a 90 day one, and so if you're interested in learning more about it, make sure that you join the wait list. If you're on the wait list, you'll start getting emails that are promoting, because I'll be doing like a free training to kind of kick everything off, and if you want more details on that, you definitely want to join the wait list there. But, yeah, definitely do that. I'm excited because a lot of the like, the tools that I use with Courtney you'll have access to that in the Curve, the Cuff curriculum, in the workshops that we do, in the tools that I've created.
Speaker 1:Again, it's the middle of 2025. And I'm sure many of you decided earlier this year things were going to be different, but they don't look different. You have to take really different steps, and so that's what I'm here for. So, yeah, definitely go into the show notes, sign up for the wait list, and I look forward to sharing more about this on future episodes. All right, queen bye.