Date with Cents
Date with Cents
Why You're Not Meeting Your Type of Man (and What to Do About It)
If you keep saying you want a successful, high-earning man but somehow never meet any, this episode breaks down the strategic mistake that's keeping you stuck in the same disappointing cycle.
I'm sharing why it's not about your standards being too high or you not being good enough, plus the one shift that changes everything about the type of men who start showing up in your life.
You'll learn how to stop hoping for different results while doing the same things and start being strategic about creating real opportunities.
I'll show you how to redirect the time, money, and energy you're already spending into environments where meeting your type is actually possible.
If you're a woman who is ready to stop living in your comfort zone and start showing up where quality men actually are….
It starts with my free training: Attract 3 Commitment Ready Boyfriends in 90 Days.
Happening On: Sunday, September 14th, 2025
Once you register, you will receive a confirmation email with the link to the free training.
What you'll learn:
🔥 The 3-part dating strategy that helps you get pursued by the right men—without chasing, over-giving, or performing for a man’s approval.
🔥 How to meet commitment-ready, high-quality men ANYWHERE—even if you’re convinced they don’t exist in your city.
🔥 How to be unforgettable on dates and in conversation—without doing “the most” or feeling like a “pick-me”
🔥 Why being “a good woman” isn’t enough—and the mindset shift that makes men compete to commit to you.
After the training, we will open the doors to my signature program, Curved 2 Cuffed.
What's up, lover girl, welcome back to the DeoSense Podcast. Oh, my gosh, don't mind me, I'm just in one of my weird quirky moods. But, girl, this episode, this episode is right up your alley. If you be going outside, you be doing things, you be putting yourself out there and, no matter what, you are not meeting the kinds of men that you want to date. This episode is for you, and I was going to talk about something completely different, but yesterday, actually, I had one of those aha moments that reminded me why I did. You know why I do this work and why I need to do this next podcast episode.
Speaker 1:So I was at my work club, minding my business, handling my business, writing emails for my curve to cunt, curve to cuff launch, getting that stuff together, working on my free training to present to y'all on September 14th, sunday at 6 pm. Wink, wink, shameless plug. I was working on those things and I went to the bathroom and I came back and there was a young lady. She was like hey, like are you Tora? And I was like yeah, she's like oh, I am a new cuff link. I just joined Curved to Cuff. So, for those of you who don't know, I have only been privately inviting people to Curved to Cuff on the back end. I haven't been publicly promoting it, so you received private invitations on the back end to Curved to Cuff only certain groups of women, and she was one of those groups of women that joined at the end of the I believe, the relationship roster challenge, and so she was able to get in and she was like, yeah, I'm new and I'm figuring things out. I was like, really, okay, okay, okay, okay. And she's like I say, how are things going? And she was like man, I am not, you know, meeting the kind of men that I want to meet. And I was like, really. I was like, um, are you, you know, receiving any coaching? Have you started getting coaching in in the community? Um, cause, I coach on the calls and I also coach I do written coaching in the community.
Speaker 1:She was like, oh, I posted my online dating profile and she had posted it right before the weekend started. And so I was like, girl, well, let me review your profile in person. I would like to do that for you. Let's do an in-person review. And so we sat together.
Speaker 1:I started scrolling through her profile and I was picking up some things here and I was like noticing some stuff and I was like, ooh, I need to know what kind of man she's looking for to even see if her profile is in alignment with that. I was like, who is your ideal man? Like, who is your ideal man? Paint a picture for me. You know, how much money does he make per year? Like, what's his profession? What does he do in his spare time? And she was just like I just kept asking her questions and so what we came up with? Like, oh, he's high earning. He probably makes between 250K to 300K. He's likely in tech, maybe finance. And I kept asking her other questions concerning him, about, like his regular day to day, and then she just stops. You know, she was like I'm gonna be honest, this is what I got right now. You know, this is what I have.
Speaker 1:So it was kind of like a crickets moment and I was trying to gather more information about his lifestyle. And one thing I do know is that online dating is actually a mirror for how you are doing offline. Right, it will expose your ability to connect with the types of men that you want offline. So I asked her. I was like hey, are you meeting men like this offline in your everyday life, like offline, and she's like no, and I was like, okay, so when was the last time you were in a room with men like this? And she was like, you know, not recently. And so I like I have to do this with so many clients where I have to break down. I'm like, if we're not regularly in the rooms with these men, if we're not regularly interacting with them, if we're not regularly showing up where they're at, why do we expect to be attracting them regularly if we're not regularly in their spaces? Right, and that's when it hit her and honestly, it should hit you too, you know, because here's what's really happening.
Speaker 1:I need you to sit with this for a minute, right, because I was asking her like where, where have you been these past couple of weeks, where have you been in the last week? I was asking her and overall, she was not in these spaces with these men. So I really want you to sit with this for a minute. Like, if you're listening to this episode and you're not regularly meeting the kinds of men that you feel like are on your playing field, you have created an entire routine around activities that the man you want will probably not be present or participating in, not because you know it's like they're beneath them. It's just not his lifestyle. It's just not his lifestyle. It's just not. And so I want you to think about your.
Speaker 1:Your last three weekends, your last week, your last three months. I'm like where did you go? Who was there? You know, a lot of times women are like well, I go out all the time and I never, never, meet the men that I want. And when I hear from them, I'm like so you went to a trendy burnt spot where you can take Instagram worthy photos, like you went there. And you went there with your homegirls. You went there. You went to two singles mixers at your church that's hosted by your pastor and his wife right, you went there. You went to a networking happy hour with people who are trying to network and get jobs. And then you went to um, a R and B festival full of couples holding hands and pushing strollers and stuff, and you expect it for your single ideal man to be there. You expect it, this. You know you guys are expecting a lot of times like this.
Speaker 1:This high earning, six, multiple, six figure tech executive, the C-suite executive right, this man is moving and shaking out here in the world. You're expecting him to be at these places. Gotta be. Because when I, when you tell me you've been going out and you've been putting yourself out there these are the places y'all telling me you're going and I have to look at you with a blank stare and be like I know, I know, good and damn well You're not fresh. I know you're not frustrated about not meeting the man that you want when you're clearly not in his spaces. You're clearly you're going out but you're not showing up where he's probably at. So again, if you're one of those women um, kind of like the most recent client that I met up with at the work club, which is it is a lot of you, a huge amount of percentage of my clients they want a similar type of man. Right, and not realizing that.
Speaker 1:Okay, if this man is in fact high level, senior or he's a C-suite executive, you know he's probably waking up and at the gym by 5 am to work out while we're still in the bed drooling on the pillow. Okay, he's somebody who's going to value his time like it's liquid gold and his lifestyle is going to reflect that right gold and his lifestyle is going to reflect that. Right, he's probably going to have a well, at that level, a well-connected circle of people, a well-connected circle of influence that you haven't even penetrated yet, you haven't even tried to penetrate, because when you go places you don't talk to nobody. And if you do talk to people, you don't exchange contact information, you don't follow up with anybody, you just show up and you shake hands and then after that you leave everybody where they're at. Well, this man, he has already, he's already built his circle of influence and it is very valuable. Okay, he's curated, carefully curated, his social circle. He just doesn't just show up to the places that you're actually showing up regularly, right.
Speaker 1:So you got to ask him at 11 AM on Sunday, is he at the bottomless branch or is he at his private gym, probably getting in a workout before one of his games at the country club, right? Or one of his events at the country club? Where is he at? Is he at the loud, crowded happy hour in your zip code, or is he at the quiet, upscale hotel bar downtown having a nice old fashioned you know, maybe just him, or maybe like one or two people? Is he fighting for a parking spot at the street festival or? Or is he at the private club, like conversing um, sharing virtual business contacts, or or or even jokes and laughs with with other people at this club?
Speaker 1:I hope you see where I'm going with this, because if you're listening to this and all of this sounds like you what I've been talking about, like you're living a 90% life but expecting to attract a 1% man, this isn't to say like I'm not one of them dating coaches that tell you, girl, you're not going to be able to attract this kind of man because you look like this and you need to cut your locks and you need to be a size two and that man is not checking for somebody like you and you need to bleach your skin Like I'm not going to be that person. Say that you are going to attract the kind of men that you're willing to work to be in the same room with. I hope that makes sense. You are going to attract the man with the level of effort. That kind of man is going to match the level of effort that you're putting in into actually being in the room, all right. So that means that if you're not putting a lot of effort into figuring out where your man is, you ain't going to be there, you're not going to meet him, you're not going to be surrounded by him. Okay, and the thing that may sting a little is that most women are doing exactly what you're doing. They're going to the same places, participating in the same activities, moving in the same circles and wondering why they keep meeting the same kinds of men that they're not in alignment with Y'all. This is not magic, it is not luck, this is math. Right, this is math, and there is an art to this as well. And if you want to start meeting different men that are aligned with your ideal type, you're going to have to start showing up where he is Now.
Speaker 1:Some of y'all might be listening to this, thinking but, tora, I shouldn't have to change my entire life just to meet a man. And you're right. You don't have to change your entire life to meet a man. You can go outside your house right now and meet anybody. You can leave right here, because the population is 49% men. You can go out there right now and meet anybody, but you, coming to me talking about you want the 1%, but you acting like the 90%, that doesn't work. You are going to have to switch up some things. You don't have to change who you are. I'm not asking you to do that. I'm not asking you to become someone different. I'm just asking for you.
Speaker 1:If you say that this is what you want, I need you to be more strategic about where you spend your time. I don't even need you to stop growing to Instagram brunch, lunches or brunches. I don't need you to stop doing that. I don't need you to stop going out with your friends or stop going out to jazz festivals. I don't need you to stop doing that. What I do need you to do is think about creating a healthy level of overlap with your man, because if you wanted to become a doctor, you will be doing yourself a huge disservice. Hanging out with people who like only hanging out with people who had no interest in medicine, no interest in healthcare, no interest in understanding the dynamics of what it takes to get in that position, you will be doing yourself a huge disservice. If you're an entrepreneur and you wanted to start a business, you will be doing yourself a huge disservice if you were surrounding yourself with people who only work nine to fives.
Speaker 1:I am friends with people who work nine to fives, but I have also created a strategy to connect with people who are entrepreneurs not just entrepreneurs, but entrepreneurs in my tax bracket. That's important and I am consistently inspired by them. I make more money just by being connected to them. I get more ideas just by being connected to them, so that's important. As I try to scale my business to a million dollars, it's important for me to meet other millionaires. It's important to me to meet other millionaires. It's important to me to always be around other millionaires.
Speaker 1:Okay, the same principle applies to dating the man. You want, that successful, ambitious, high earning man. He didn't get to where he was by accident, girl, and you think you're going to run into him simply just by accident. He makes intentional choices about how he spends his time, who he associates with and where he invests his energy. Okay, so some of y'all are like yeah, tara, I go to the gym, but you, but you take in all women's classes, all you go to the gym and you go straight to the, to the classes with the women in it. Or you, you, you go into planet fitness with the, with the $29.99 a month, sometimes $10 a month, and you're expecting for that man to be there. I'm not saying he won't, I'm saying you won't be surrounded by him. Okay, you won't be surrounded by him. A lot of these men are at facilities that start at like $150 for exclusive workouts where he can get a workout without distractions. Okay, his social activities aren't random events he found on Facebook. They're not random networking opportunities. In fact, like the places that you're going networking, these are people looking for a come up. This man has came up. He's not looking for a come up, he's came up. He's already in the room with highly successful people and they're not necessarily networking events. They are curated get togethers where people do networking.
Speaker 1:I was literally at a poker tournament a poker tournament at one of the private clubs that I just recently joined and one of the biggest reasons why I joined not just to enhance my social currency, but to be surrounded by wealthy men, to be surrounded by ambitious, high earning men, successful men, and ever since I've joined the club, that's who I'm surrounded by. But I'm sitting here getting introduced to men who own companies, who have built business, who have built like buildings here in Dallas that have given, like these men were in the room, like I'm being introduced to them and like I'm hearing oh yeah, hey, connect me to his LinkedIn there. Hey, um, uh, when I was introduced by um, one young lady in the room, she was actually former Miss Texas. She introduced me to one of the guys and he told her he was like yo, give me her, give me her LinkedIn, connect me to her LinkedIn, um, so that we can stay connected, cause he learned that I was a dating coach. Right, that's how. It wasn't a networking event, but yet we were networking. Yet people were exchanging information and people were actually getting jobs, getting contracts. In the room, people were collaborating for different opportunities on a poker game night. They were not at quote unquote networking events where people are going to network to get a come up. All right, these people already done came up.
Speaker 1:So think about that, right, his, his downtime probably isn't spent at the loud, crowded places, especially where he's not able to have, like some, some breathing room, cause he's been thinking all day, he's been solving problems all day and the last thing he wants is somebody drunk ass cousin, screaming over him. You know? And If your routine never overlaps with his routine, how exactly are you supposed to meet, how exactly? And so when I was talking to the new cufflink and she had her aha moment, like she realized that most of her social life was designed to attract exactly the type of man she was meeting and repel the type of man she actually wanted. Right, this man was not showing up at these places.
Speaker 1:So let's talk about how to fix this, the shift. First, you need to get really real about what your ideal man's lifestyle actually looks like, not the fantasy version, the real version, because a lot of us have something in our head about the fantasy of the kind of man that we're looking for, but when I ask you to break it down, it's a lot of blank stares. It's a lot of blank faces. Okay, so think about his fitness routine. What is his fitness routine? Think about the kind of man you want.
Speaker 1:Maybe he's not the 250K C-suite executive hey, c-suite executive. Maybe maybe he is the artsy, creative, spiritual guy, who who focuses on calisthenics and yoga. Right, maybe he's that guy. Like, what is, what is his? What is his fitness routine looks like? Does he? Does he do boutique fitness classes? Does he? Does he do high-end yoga studios or does he do solo, solo workouts in the park? Okay, where is he? What about his social life? Think about his social life. Places where you know you might see him? Is he? Is he showing up at these private clubs, at these charity galas? Is he he at these art shows? Where is your man? Is he at Comic-Con? Is he doing Dungeons and Dragons or something I don't know?
Speaker 1:You have to figure out what your man's social life looks like, what his hobbies look like Golf, tennis, sailing art, collecting you know? Golf, tennis, sailing art, collecting, travel groups, investment clubs, board positions for nonprofits, activities that align with his interest and income level. What does his downtime look like? Is he decompressing? Now, if your man is playing golf at the country club three times a week, I'm not saying you need to take up golf if you hate it, just to be in the cool girls club, but at least have a country club membership. Do you have a membership, you know? And with that membership you could be going to dine there. They have events there that have nothing to do with golf, you know, because if you're serious about meeting this kind of man, you need to start showing up where he actually lives.
Speaker 1:Okay, now, a lot of women at this point get overwhelmed and they hear all this and they think okay, but how do I actually figure out where to go in my city? How do I know which places are worth the investment in showing up and and how do I do this without feeling like I'm completely, you know, starting over from scratch. And I don't want to be overwhelmed and I don't want to be frustrated, and that's actually exactly why I have a whole training around this in Curve to Cuff and one tool in this training, because it's like how to attract the kind like your ideal man One tool in this training that I have in Curved the Cuff is the Quality man Finder. The Quality man Finder takes all the guesswork out of this process because it's not just theory, it's not you having a fantasy, it's a practical tool that helps you, number one, identify the exact types of places your ideal man actually spends time in, based upon you know his lifestyle, it's not generic, it is actually a customized strategy. And then, secondly, figuring out how to position yourself inside the social circles he already belongs to. Okay, we ain't here to crash parties, we're like we're finding legitimate ways to naturally overlap in his world, and that's what the quality man finder. And then it also helps you create a strategic routine shift so that you're consistently in environments where meeting him is likely, and it leads to actual dates and not just surface level small talk. And what I love about this tool is it doesn't matter if your ideal man is making 300K in finance, earning serious money as a freelance creative or he's, you know, building the next big app from his home office while binge watching anime on the weekends. He's a tech nerd, it don't matter. The quality man finder helps maps out exactly where your specific ideal man will spend his time and how to position yourself. Naturally, it will audit. It will help you audit your life so that you can make the shifts, and I've watched so many women use this tool and have immediate breakthroughs.
Speaker 1:Right, I'll have a client who realized that man like I, was spending every single weekend at the same three places expecting to meet a guy. I had another client. She was always going to jazz events all the time, but I was like ma'am when we did the quality man finder that's the places where she was going a lot. There was simply just couples going on dates to those events. That man wasn't going there. Okay. I had another client.
Speaker 1:We realized that her, her man, was a tech geek and not. Not a tech geek, he was a, he was a um, he was a nerd, he was like a yeah, he was like yeah, it was like a nerd. He was a nerdy, high earning nerd, basically high earning nerd, and one of the things that she was able to call in once we did the quality man finder is a high earning nerd who not only traveled hours to come see her but do his nerdy magic tricks for her. You know, because we were able to really see the gaps between what we were doing and how we were showing up and then how we can actually attract and call in those types of men. Okay, and not only that, I have a demographic tracker, a demographic detective, along with the quality man finder, because I also have clients that say well, tora, I started going to these places, but I'm looking for 55 plus men, I'm looking for black men, I'm looking for Jewish men, I'm looking for this kind of man.
Speaker 1:I'm like I got you. I got the demographic detector so that you can find your demographic, your type of man, your ideal man in that particular demographic, in that particular demographic. So you use the detective to find out where he is and to do the research that's necessary in order to always know where he's at. And then, from there, I had a client. She was just like yeah, tora, I find myself in the rooms with these men, but then, when they're attractive, I don't know what to say. Or do I have the confidence to connect Assessment and a framework that will show you exactly, when you do get in those rooms, how to not freeze, how to not abandon yourself when you know you want to talk to these kinds of men, when you know you want to interact with them, how to create connections with those men in the room. So I have all these tools in the program in order for you to get what you need and meet the kinds of men that you're looking for. So, to be really direct with you.
Speaker 1:Some of you are listening to this and thinking but this sounds like work. It sounds like it could cost me some money, it sounds like I have to change everything about my life. And my response is how's what you're doing now working for you? Because what I know is you're already spending money, it's just not on the thing that you want. You're already getting dressed up, you're already putting in effort and time. You're just not being strategic about it and you're spending money at places where your ideal man isn't at. Redirect it the time you're spending at events where you keep meeting the same men. You're not interested in redirect it. The energy you're putting into conversations that are going nowhere because you're out of place with these men cannot uh, they don't have the ability or capacity to have that kind of conversation with you redirect it. This isn't about spending more time, girl. We're not spending more time, we're spending smarter. Okay, we're spending smarter.
Speaker 1:I know when I go to certain events that those men are not it for me. Right, I know that I was. Recently I went back home to a back home to South Carolina to do a 20 year class reunion and I already knew ahead of time that the men in the room they were they're not for me. But I was very clear about that. I didn't go with the. I knew like, of course, I felt like, okay, I'm going to be getting attention in this room, but it's not going to be my ideal man and I'm not going to be tripping about that, because I know exactly when I get back to Dallas. I already have several events set up that I know my man is going to be in the room. I have several events set up that I'm like I'm going here, I'm going to this watch party Like, for example, I'm not going to I don't know nothing about football and I but I'm about to go to a watch party, a football watch party. I'm not going to a regular bar or regular sports bar to watch this game. I am going to an exclusive event, a member only event, where the members are the kinds of men that I am looking for. That's the kind. So again, I'm still watching football, I am still showing up, but I'm not showing up to a random ass sports bar in any kind of zip code, trying to trying to meet certain men just because I know men watch football. I'm going to one where my man, with his income level right, with his level of ambition that I'm looking for him being very well connected Okay, that's who I'm going to watch the game with.
Speaker 1:And so if you want to be on the radar of your man, you need to start thinking like he thinks and showing up where he shows up. And if this feels overwhelming, I get it. I get it. Start slow, pick one thing at a time, do one new thing at a time, go to one new place at a time. The man you want exists and he's out there. He's living his life girl, you know, probably wondering where you at, but if you're past number across, it doesn't matter how perfect you are for each other. Okay, this is especially for you guys who never leave the house. Okay, especially and when I tell you, when I tell you you start, when you start implementing the stuff that I'm talking about, your online dating profile will be enhanced.
Speaker 1:A lot of y'all profiles are whack because you have not really researched the man that you're looking for. You have not really researched the man that you're looking for. You have not really been in his space. You don't even know what he would be looking for if he landed on your profile, and that's a big reason why your profiles are not giving. Okay, it doesn't even appeal to the, it doesn't even like, really relate to that man. So so I want you to create opportunities for the serendipity that you're looking for, positioning yourself so that when the right man walks into your life, it feels natural, it feels organic because you're already in his world. And if you're also listening to this and you're like well, tara, um, you know my guy, he he's. He's not out there like that, he's not in the public. This is especially like for my higher profile clients that may have some type of celebrity or they're interested in dating men on their level. Those men still have spaces. They still have connections to other people in certain rooms that they are in even though they're not out and about.
Speaker 1:You have to figure out how to gain access to that level of circle. All right, you have to do. You want the 1%, that's and that's the 0.5% of man. You want the 0. Want the one percent, that's and that's the point five percent of man. You want the point five percent of man. You need to be doing point five percent activity. So if he's not out and about because it's probably famous or he's probably high profile, like that, then you need to figure out how to penetrate those circles of people. Because they got circles, they got things that they do. You know circles of people because they got circles, they got things that they do, you know.
Speaker 1:So if you're tired of your wasted weekends or wasted you know, times going out and you're exhausted from meeting the same type of man over and over and you're ready to stop hoping and start being strategic, then, girl, you need to join. Curve the Cuff. You know these tools are waiting for you. When I show my client these tools because she's new. She didn't know I had all these tools, girl, her mind was blown. She was like I didn't know you had all that. I said I haven't covered, girl, I've thought of it all.
Speaker 1:The tool, the quality man finder, is waiting for you to get. The demographic detector is waiting for you. The demographic troubleshooter is ready for you. If you're still showing up and it's not there, the confidence to connect tool is waiting for you and they're going to help you connect with your ideal man in your city, exactly how to position yourself in his path and exactly how to make the shift from hoping to strategically positioning. You got to stop living at 90% life, girl, and expecting a 1% man. Start showing up with your 1% man or your 0.5% man actually is All right.
Speaker 1:And if you're interested in joining C2C, hit the show notes. There will either be a link for you to enroll If enrollment isn't open at this time, there may be a link for you to join my free training. So get on the free training, because a free training is when I'm going to open the doors, to Curve the Cuff. And if you enjoyed this episode, leave. So get on a free training, because a free training is when I'm going to open the doors to curve the cuff. And if you enjoyed this episode, leave me a review. I haven't seen new reviews in a very long time. I would love. That would make my heart so warm. If you've been listening to this podcast and you've been loving it and you haven't let the review yet, please do that. It would light up my week. All right, girl, I will see you in the next episode, okay.