Date with Cents
Date with Cents
DWC REWIND: When You Can't Wait to Get the Man
“When is it going to be my turn?”
“When am I finally going to meet my husband?”
“Why can’t I be married already?”
These are all questions that are asked by women who are attached to a destination…but not really taking responsibility for and honoring their journey at each milestone.
They think…
“Once I have this man…this commitment…this partnership..”
“...It’s going to stop my disappointment, my loneliness, my exhaustion, my negative thoughts”
“...And it’s going to make me feel more confident, secure, stable and loved.
Little do they know that a man can’t do any of this for them.
This is their responsibility.
In today’s episode, I highlight how so many women give their power to create the love lives they desire over to men and how they can take their power back.
HERE’S WHAT YOU’LL DISCOVER:
- How our core beliefs trick us into believing that we need men to feel better.
- The importance of accepting where you are now in order to receive the relationship you desire.
- How focusing on men is distracting you from having the man you desire.
- Why you need to slow down, if you want to speed up towards your desired love life.
- What it looks like to take responsibility for your journey towards marriage so you can create the love life you desire.
- Why your relationship will fall apart, even if you find the man of your dreams.
FEATURED ON THE SHOW
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What's up, lover girls? Welcome back to the Date with Sins podcast. So uh I am taking a break from the podcast this week, meaning that I'm not bringing up a brand new episode. I am inviting you to listen to an older episode from 2022, but I think it's very necessary called When We Can't Wait to Get The Man. And it's especially important for those of you who are like, man, I when I get my boyfriend and when I get my husband, and I can't wait till I get these things, and it's gonna be so great, and I'm not gonna feel like I feel now. I'm gonna feel better then, or like when you're dating a guy and you are getting attached and you're like, oh, I don't want to mess this up. I don't want him to walk away, or I don't want him, I don't want um to lose, I don't want him to lose my trust. I I I I don't want him to break my heart. You should listen to this episode because the attachments we have to men are seriously sabotaging us. If you really want a slew of men pursuing you and looking to commit to you, you gotta drop the attachment. You gotta stop needing it. The moment you stop needing it, and it's simply a desire that you are open to, you you won't have a problem, right? As you build the skills of your love life. But um, yeah, so I I had this episode for you. I'm taking a break. I had, I just closed the C2C launch. The goal was to have 10 ladies join the program. We literally had 10 ladies join in the first week of the launch. And so I was like, all right, well, let's play around. Let's let's have some fun and see if we can do 20. We actually ended the launch with 21 ladies. So I'm super proud of myself. I'm super excited for the ladies that are joining the program because oh, I got so much in store for them, and not just including what they already are receiving in the program, but I I create new curriculum and new frameworks for uh Curved to Cuff all the time. And so I have some new things brewing coming out there. They're gonna be absolutely excited. And then just proud of me as a boss, as a CEO of launching this program after closing it for almost two years. So I am very happy about that. I also am very happy I had an amazing weekend celebrating my one-year anniversary with Big Body Benz. Can you believe it? Do you remember the podcast episode that I did where I talked about how you know I met Big Body Benz that like and and and then how we how we started dating? It's already been a year, girl. It's already been a year. And so it was great. I basically asked him to like kind of recreate our first few dates. So we, you know, went back to the winery where he was rubbing my feet. We went back to the the World Springs spa place where we just soaked in the different pools. It was just, it was so good. I just I loved it so much. He even gifted me a massage uh that I went to by myself. So that was great. And then also I went to a fight night from that's sponsored by the private club that I told you that I joined, and I met so many men there. I have like three or four dates this week because so many men approached me at that event. And again, I joined that private club to get access to a certain kind of men. So the men that are in that room are that they're already about something, they already are doing amazing things in the world. So it's just beautiful to be able to go out with these men this upcoming week, and they are just you know, pursuing. And I'm excited about that. But anywho, uh, I am going to let you guys listen to this episode while I take a break this week. I'll be back next week. Well, hopefully, I don't know. We'll see. I will be back. Uh hopefully, I'll be back with a new episode next week. If, you know, if not, you'll still have some good gems to listen to. But until without, you know, without further ado, is the episode. Hello, Kuween. Welcome back to the Davidson's pack. I'm so glad that you're back. And I have a question for you. Are you having a hot girl summer? Are you? Are you enjoying the men's yes, with the Z at the end? Are you enjoying frolicking and having men show up for you and enjoying every bit of it? Dating multiple men? If not, I want you to pause and ask yourself why? What's really holding you back? What are you afraid of? What are your limiting beliefs? What ideas are you so attached to that if you cannot have it instantly, then you don't want to try it all? What is it that has you in so much fear that you can't even access your faith? What emotions are you trying to avoid feeling? What are you distracting yourself with? What lies are you telling yourself? What is holding you back from taking the practical steps to creating what you desire? Now, for real, Queen, I really want you to take some time. If you are not having a hot girl summer, I really want you to take some time this week to pause and ponder these questions because there should be no reason why you are not able to do this right now, why you should not be able to create the love life that you desire and attract the types of men that you desire. There's no reason. And secondly, I would love to invite you to apply to join the August cohort of C2C. It's upcoming. I would love to help guide you towards meeting, attracting, and building with high-quality men. Me and my team of coaches are excited to help you build a rotation of men who will provide, protect, and pursue you for marriage or any other desired romantic commitment. And if this is something that you feel called to join, I welcome you to apply for the upcoming cohort of C2C, which, you know, is going to be dope because if you join in August, you will have the opportunity to participate in Coach Christina's Conversation Labs. If you are unfamiliar with Christina, please go listen to the episode where she talks about her being a single mother and dating and really enjoying it. Uh, I will put that episode in the show notes. But anyhow, she is a queen at pulling men into her space and creating an experience. And she's really great with conversing with men. And each Wednesday at 5 p.m. Central Standard Time, 6 Eastern, until the end of September, she is teaching the Cufflinks how to create conversational magic with the men, with men in general. So if you are like tired of your conversations fizzling out, tired of not knowing what to say, always in your head and not in your body. When you're conversing with men, this is a great uh opportunity for you to take advantage of Feel Free to Apply. Anywho, let's get into this week's podcast episode, which is another Clubhouse clip where I am digging deep into the mindset of a woman who is wanting to just get the man. Hurry up and get her forever partner. Why isn't he here yet? How long is it gonna take? And why it's such an issue, and why it's not gonna get you what you actually want. So tune in, listen to the clip, enjoy. I want the men Why can't I just have my forever now? Again, shitting on the feminine piece of it. The journey, the expanding, the evolution, the growth, the nurturing, the feeding. We completely shit on that piece because we've just been taught to achieve, achieve, and get and get and have and have. Again, which is like the masculine piece that we've always been taught growing up. Like that's a piece that we really identify with. The having and the getting, and thinking that something outside of ourselves is gonna have us feeling better. But the feminine piece is nothing outside of me can make me feel better. I am the one that can feel however I want to feel. I am the one that has the power to create the feelings that I desire. No man can do that for me. We think that men do it for us because of how we feel when we're with the men, or how we feel when we're talking to the men or looking at the men. When in reality, it's our own impression on the man that's giving us the feeling. Our own impression, which is why you can have one man and three different women think three different things about him or feel differently about him. One might be head over heels, and another one might be like F that nigga. You know what I mean? It's our own impression, our own belief systems, our own thoughts impressed upon the man, which is why so many of us unknowingly continue to stay so in love with men who don't take care of us, who don't show great care for us. And we're like, oh my gosh, like we have so much history, and I'm just so in love with him, and we're impressed. We're impressed upon him. Our own core beliefs are impressed upon this man. And as soon as our core beliefs have shifted, then we start, we start being allergic to men like him. We're like, oh no, hell no. Because the core beliefs have shifted, the thoughts have shifted. So that in love that we once had, like, we ain't in love no more because we're no longer impressing those same beliefs and thoughts upon him. Which is why, like, when you guys are like, hey, I can't wait till I just have this guy. What you're really saying is, I can't wait until something outside of me comes to make me happy. I can't wait. You cannot wait. Instead of looking at yourself. The more you feel drawn towards like, I gotta get married, I gotta get married, the more that means you need to draw into you. That's a sign that you need to be paying more attention to you because you're becoming more disconnected to yourself, which means you're also disconnecting from God, right? We have attachments to all of these things outside of us, all these temporal conditions. And the most high already talked to us about that. He's always guiding you back to you. But every time you feel uncomfortable, you're like, I need something to stop this discomfort. I need something to make me more comfortable. I'm so disappointed with my life. I need something to come and help me feel less disappointed. I need more excitement in my life. I need a man to come make me feel more excited, more confident, more comfortable, more happy. When God is always pointing you back to you, there's discomfort here. Go into your body and work it out. There's disappointment here, go into you and work it out. Where is this disappointment? Where are these feelings giving you feedback for in your life? Where? Because it's not leading you to a man, that's for sure. It's your way of distracting yourself from you. And God is like, I'm here, I'm at the door. I'm at the door, and you over there chasing after these niggas. Chase after me within you. I exist in you. Chase after me within you. But no. We're like, okay, God, I hear you. I read the Bible already. You're like, I read that scripture already, but I see like this is how I'm feeling. I heard you God, I read the scripture, I went to church, I even said a prayer. That's the mental aspect of quote unquote serving God. You cannot serve God without the feminine being present, the feminine being activated. You can't serve God without embracing that peace. Practice. Right. We abandon that piece of us, that that feminine piece. And we try to distract ourselves with things that are outside. Okay. So that's that's what I really want to say to you today. I guess is I guess since we didn't have a podcast, I guess this can be the podcast today. Is that whenever you have this deep urge to be like, why can't I get married? I need to be married already. When will my forever man come? Why can't I just have this? Turn back your attention to you. God is there at the door with the answers, with the transformation, with the love, with the comfort, with the care. This this isn't a cliche that I'm speaking to, right? Because a lot of people are like, oh, yeah, just, you know, follow God. Like, no, that's not, I'm not giving you cliches, I'm giving you practical ways to connect with the most high, your creator, who's allowing you the opportunity to get closer to him through your journey and the embrace of your journey. But the more you resist, the further you are going to be away. Even if you find a man that you are excited about, you will be still far away in your journey of being connected to you. So some shit is gonna fall apart somewhere. You found him, something's gonna fall apart, and you're not gonna know what to do. You're gonna think, Why would you give me this man and this happens? Why would you give me this man and then this happens? You're still far away from you. You thought the man was gonna come fix it. You thought being married was gonna fix everything. Not realizing that you were drifting away from you and the most high. All right? That's what you didn't realize. So, point it back to you, boo. What are you feeling today? Negatively, right? Then how you can you address that within yourself? Anybody who's been through C2C knows that it's nothing but a bunch of redirections back to you. Anybody who's been through C2C knows this. Or anyone who showed up. We've had people pay and ghost us. It was out of their capacity to join, which is why we had to up the application. I'm like, you spent thousands not to show up. Okay. Okay. C2C is just a consistent redirection. And then formation, oh my gosh. Ooh. Because it's so it's so foundational in formation, you're gonna have to leave your mental completely out of it. Because we're gonna go slow. And I know as high-achieving women of faith, like we wanna go fast and achieve and like, haha, I did this, check off the box. That's not how uh transformation works. It works in you slowing down because when we are out here moving and going fast, we don't, we're not taking the time to listen. We stop hearing from God. We stop paying attention to us. We're like, oh, I just gotta get this done, I gotta get that done, I gotta do this, I gotta do that, I need to win this, I need to achieve that. Well, really, we just need to slow down and look and just take a look around. Like, just slow all the way down. And just notice. Just be aware. Listen to what God is saying to you and avoid the distractions of every everyday life because it's so easy to get distracted. I'm I get distracted, and I always, this is one of the reasons why I hired a coach, because I am playing a bigger game this year. And what I mean by that is I am going in territories that I've never gone before at a much higher level in my life. And I'm like, I need to hire somebody because I know that because I'm going this place, I need to be able to make it out safe and sound. I need to be able to make it out. And I'm so grateful. Because I'm playing a big ass game this year, personally and professionally. And it has required me to slow down even more. And slowing down sometimes will a lot, like sometimes it will really hurt your ego. Like I've had a lot of ego hurts this year. A lot of my ego has been taking a lot of hits. Taking a lot of hits this year because I've had to slow down. I can't I I'm not I'm not going the same pace that I was going last year in my life. And at times the ego can, it it feels like, oh, you're not doing enough. I'm not even liking my stories the way I was last year. Right? On Instagram, like I'm not, I'm not really there. Like I really slowed down quite a bit and focused my attention on being more present with what's going on with me, versus capturing everything. That's been a huge change in my life. And again, the ego comes up and it's just like, hey, you're not doing enough. It'll come up, you're not doing enough. You you're not as successful as you want to be, you know, those types of things. Your relationships aren't where you want them to be. Those types of things come up. I've had to end friendships. I've had to end relationships this year, you know, that meant a lot to me. That played huge roles in my formation, my initial formation. You know, it's not been easy. I love it, Christina. Sometimes you have to go slow to go fast. A Catherine isn't exactly. You have to go like sometimes you really have to slow down in order to speed up. Imagine trying to ride a bike for the first time without training wheels. And then trying to do it. Hell, imagine trying to ride a bike and you can't even walk really good. You're not gonna go nowhere. You're gonna try, you're gonna hurt yourself quite a bit. But imagine if you just took the time to accept where you are and say, hey, I can't walk right now, so I'm just gonna practice walking. Accept it. You know, I can't run, so I'm just gonna practice. And I accept where I am right now. I accept that I can't ride like all the other kids. I accept that. Now I have training wheels. Everyone's looking at me, and now some of them are laughing at me because I have training wheels. But I accept this part of my life. I accept the fact that I need help. I accept the fact that I have these training wheels on the back to help me move. And I know that they're they're riding their bikes faster than me and they're laughing because I'm kind of trailing behind. I can't, I can't go as fast as them, but I accept where I'm at. This is the only way I can get to where where they're at. I'm okay. I'll be fine. It's like me learning how to skate now. So I know how to like skate regularly, but I'm like, like, now I'm just learning all the moves and stuff like that, and I'm noticing my progression. Like I'm looking at everyone, like turning in circles and skating crazy backwards and hopping and jumping. And I'm so, I admire so much of it. I'm like, I wanna do that, and I wanna like dance and spin around and have some man like tour me around the skating floor, the skating rink. Right now I'm I'm learning how to start and stop with my stopper. And I'm accepting of that, even though people are zooming by me and they know how to do it much better than me. I'm accepting because I know like my acceptance and my practice will have me wherever I need to be. And that's what I want to share with you guys. Wherever you need to be, you will get there as long as you don't have resistance, thinking you should be another place. Thinking that you need to be somewhere else. Like, oh man, I'm 37 years old. I I should not have problems dating right now. I should know this. If you should have known it, you would have known it. So why are you arguing about this shit? Why are you beating yourself up about it? If you should have known, you would have known. There's no sense in doing that to yourself. All right. Oh man, I should have never let him in my life. I should have never gave him my heart. That was the lesson. Now, how are you, how did you get closer to God because of it? How did you get closer to yourself? If you didn't either, the lesson is gonna keep coming. If you didn't get closer to yourself, aka and getting closer to God, like you're gonna keep getting the lesson. But a lot of us take the fact that we keep getting the lesson and we're like, oh, these men ain't shit. These men are trash. These men are horrible, they're trash in my zip code. There's hardly no quality man out here doing the work. Like, baby, like you keep getting the lesson. You're not learning. There's a reason why this pattern keeps coming up for you. And it's because you still have not learned the lesson that God is looking for you to learn so that you can evolve and grow. You can't learn and evolve if you don't see the lesson. All right, queen. That was the clip. I hope you enjoyed it and that it resonated. And I just want to double down to reinforce some of the like the major concepts and for us to really examine, you know, examine our core beliefs that need to be shifted so that we can actually have what we desire and be able to enjoy it. I want us to examine how we are searching for things outside of ourselves to make us feel a certain type of way, when we have the power to do that ourselves. I want us to examine how we are claiming to have such faith in God and a relationship with God when we continue to look outside of ourselves, right? I want us to examine whenever we have like this huge urge of, why don't I have the man? Why can't I be married? That we always go back to us and look for where we're distracting ourselves and what we aren't paying attention to when it comes to ourselves and how we will continue to get the lessons in love until we learn from them. All right. So you're not a victim of your circumstances. You have the power to navigate your love life. You really just have to take responsibility for it. All right, it's really not about the man, it's all about you. And until next time, Queen. Chat soon. Bye. If you thought this episode was dope and you learned from it, it would be amazing if you could take a screenshot, post, and tag me on Instagram at TorSense. I would absolutely love to connect with you over there. And if you're serious about leveling up in your love life, you gotta check out Curve to Cuff. It's my 12-week mentorship program for high-achieving women of faith who want to build a rotation of quality men in 90 days or less so they can choose their legacy partner in as early as a year. You can apply to join the next cohort at curve tocuff.com slash details. That's curve, the number twocuff.com forward slash details. I love to have you join the next cohort of C2C. And remember, never settle because you have choices. Choose how you want to love, choose who you want to date, and always choose to date with sense.