DWC REWIND: How To Inspire Men To Invest In You

Wondering what it takes to be surrounded by men who invest in you mentally, emotionally, and financially? 

This episode is full of gems of how to inspire men to adore you and add tangible value to your life. 

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Chapters

• 0:00 Early Morning Inspiration
• 0:31 The Kanye Ad And Self-Belief
• 5:14 Who This Talk Is For
• 6:46 What Investment From Men Looks Like
• 9:59 Workshop Announcement And Offer
• 11:26 Why Good Girls Struggle To Receive
• 15:20 Attention Is Not Investment
• 17:52 Principle One: Prioritize Pleasure
• 23:18 Slow Down And Engage The World
• 29:04 Principle Two: Honor Your Desires
• 36:48 Boundaries In Action On Dates
• 43:14 Lead With Desire, Let Men Execute
• 46:56 Principle Three: Detach From Outcomes
• 53:24 Recap And Core Takeaways
• 56:00 Workshop Details And Bonuses
• 1:01:20 Q&A Highlights And Closing

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Good morning, lover girl. It is uh super early in the morning. I normally don't record anything before like 8 a.m. But um I have tons to do today, and I really wanted to make sure this episode got out to you swiftly. I'm feeling optimistic, I'm feeling excited, I'm feeling inspired. Um, one of my biggest source uh sources of inspiration this week, past week came from uh Kanye West, actually. I during a Super Bowl, Kanye West uh ran a Super Bowl commercial and uh he ran it only in like certain areas, and basically he recorded his Super Bowl commercial from his phone. It's literally from his phone, and he's like, hey guys, he's telling people about this sale he's having on his Yeezy site from a cell phone, looks like a Snapchat or something like that. So there was zero production budget to create the ad. And then he turns around and he generates$29 million from the ad. So zero production. He paid seven million for the spot because it was a local spot. I think those spots are normally like$30 million if it was going to be filmed nationwide, but it doesn't matter. He made$29 million. And what inspired me about this is he didn't overthink it. There was no thought of perfectionism, like, oh, I have to do this, and we have to do it with the bang, and we have to let everyone know how you know cool Jeezys are, and I have to sell it, sell it, sell it. It was just like I know my product is dope. I know I'm dope, and I'm just gonna record this video on my cell phone and let the world know. And that is the type of confidence and self-assurance uh and self-enoughness. Like that's that's like the epitome of I'm enough. I don't have to throw all these bells and whistles so that you know that I'm enough. I don't have to put on a show so that you know I'm worthy, um, so that you know that my stuff is good enough to invest in. And I know people are probably like, well, that's Kanye West, everybody can't do that. Kanye West got to the point that he is now because he's always been this way. He's always been self-assured, even before he got a deal when he believed he was a rapper and no one else did. No one else felt like he was talented enough. And they kind of like kept him as a producer, was like, mm, nah. Like he believed in himself so much that he forced people to see his greatness because he never stopped seeing his greatness, no matter what people said about him. And um one of the quotes that he made was, I want a room surrounded by mirrors so that I want to be in a room full of mirrors so that I'm always surrounded by winners. Now you can say what you want about his antics, his meltdowns, his inappropriate times. That is not what this conversation is about. This conversation is about his unwavering commitment to himself and his unwavering um self-enoughness. And I am so inspired by it. So inspired because I I look at all the ways the good girl is still in residue in my life and all the ways that I feel like, you know, I have to put on the bells and the whistles um to show that um, oh, like this is good and that's good. And instead of, oh, like for example, one of the things that I often overthink is my content and my writing, and I need to use these words and I need to write like this, and it it takes me, it would take me forever to create a piece of content. And just very inspired by Kanye um and his commitment to self to just showing up. And yes, he's a he's a um superstar. Yes, he is a multimillionaire. Um I'm just gonna say billionaire because he did get to that status before it's gone, and he's gonna be back to that status very soon based upon the projections of what's happening for him with his company. But he has gotten to this place because of his self-commitment. And uh, yeah, I'm really inspired, and that's that's where that's what I'm leaning on, and I just wanted to share that with you. So um I'm going to really be chewing on this for a while because it to me is extraordinary. But anywho, that's not what we're here to talk about. We're here to talk about this particular episode, and this is another uh Instagram live that I am uh bringing on a replay here, and it's specifically for good girls, good girls who are really, really good at giving and not so much as receiving, kind of struggle with receiving, struggling to ask for what they want, struggle to tell men what they need, struggle to get their desires fulfilled by men. This episode is all about that, and you are going to find so many jewels and so many gems in this episode, so many different um aha moments where you can uh see a lot of places where you are discounting yourself, where you are not showing up fully. Um, so if you're struggling with men showing up in your life, but they're not putting in effort, they're not investing in you, uh, they're not like yeah, not investing in you emotionally, financially, um, energetically, all the ways this episode is for you. So without further ado, here it is. Oh, lover girls. Welcome to my life. Today, we have some amazing things to talk about. Well, one main thing. Uh, today we're talking about how to inspire quality men to invest in you. Wow, am I always finding myself pulling this back at the last minute? Quality men to invest in you. Hey, Charlina, that's what we're talking about today. And uh, how to inspire quality men to invest in you, even if you're a single mom, even if you are divorced, even if you are plus size, it doesn't matter. You can do it, it doesn't matter. Um, and when I say investing in you, I'm talking about everyday assistance, like maybe some errands, maybe some home improvement, maybe some tech support. I'm talking about thoughtful gestures. Like, you know, would you like some flowers, my love? Right? Thoughtful gestures are like, hey, um, I see this is what you were doing in your business, and I would love to connect you with this associate of mine. I'm talking about acts of service, like, oh, can I cook for you? Mm-hmm, can I do that for you? Or simple pleasures, right? Just simple pleasures of um uh hell, can I, you know, having him rub your feet, those types of things, material gifts, flowers and jewelry and um, ah man, it's span so long. I've had clients had, I've had clients have contractors donate$40,000 worth of services. I've had clients receive emotional support from men where they had death in a family or they had like very stressful times, and these men came over and were shoulders to cry on. They gave space uh for these women to cry on their shoulders. I have, I just had a client let me know that there was uh a suitor she was dating who paid off her mortgage and he's working on her student loans now. Again, she's not exclusive with any of these men, right? Not exclusive. I have a client who has uh a man who like making sure that her feet are rubbed because she wants to feel more relaxed. I talked about in my email that I sent out to the Lover Girls on, I just talked about one of the delicious dates that I've created in the past of when a man flew me out. Uh I asked, I made special requests that he put me in a four-star hotel that was um within 15 minutes of the vicinity of where he was because I wanted to make sure that there wasn't traffic preventing him from coming to see me whenever I needed to see him. And I also didn't want to stay at his home. I didn't feel comfortable doing that. And then I also requested that he take me on a kayaking and hiking excursion while I was out there. And it was so beautiful, amazing. And then I also asked that he take me to um a fine dining place that absolutely lit him up that he was excited about because I wanted to see how refined his taste was. Um, and I wanted to experience that with him. So um, I mean, it could be a slew of things of investment. It can be time investment, energy investment, emotional investment, financial investment. Just having men invest in you as a woman is extremely important. And this live is sponsored by the Well Pleased Women Workshop that I am hosting on March 9th, Saturday, March 9th. It is currently$97 for the Valentine's Day special. It will be going back up at the end of the week. If you want the link to purchase, you can hit desire in the comment section. If you type desire, you will get a link to go ahead and register for the Well Please Woman workshop on how to be adored and appreciated and receive the desires of your heart from the men that you are dating. So if you'd like that workshop, if you'd like access to it, type desire in the comment section, whether you're on the replay or whether you're on here now. Now. And uh, Nina, let me know if that link works. Let me know if you get a DM. Now, for those of you who don't know who I am, my name is Torres Sence, and I help high-achieving unchurched women of faith attract quality men. Thank you for letting me know it worked. Attract quality men and date deliciously towards marriage or whatever romantic partnership that they actually desire. And so the reason why we're talking about how to inspire men to invest in you today is because women of faith, we are we've been conditioned to be good girls. Good girls who are good at giving. Like we give and we give and we give and we give and we bend over backwards and we're we're accommodating, right? We know how to compromise, you know. But we're horrible at receiving. We're horrible at ask for asking for what we want for requesting for what we want. If that sounds like you put a one in the comments, if you're like one of these high-achiev who give, give, give, give, give, like you show up for people, you're there when people can count on you. But when it comes to receiving, it's like, oh, can I do it? Can I have it? There's resistance. There is a feeling of obligation, especially with dating, especially with dating. Like, there's this feeling of obligation, like, oh, if he does this for me, then what am I gonna have to do in return? This seems like it's so much. I remember that call I got from a client, and she was like, Torah, this man says he wants to do$40,000 of work in my real estate properties for free. Should I take it, Tora? Like, is this too much? And I said, It's never too much. This is expanding your capacity for more. You have done your work, and now the most high is showing you that this is available for you. All you have to do right now is receive it with open arms to expand your capacity. Now she ain't got no problem accepting stuff like that. She's accepted more. She's accepted more than that. But at that time, she was like, This is big. This is a lie. Should I do this? And I'm like, absolutely, right? So she some people feel like there's too much, like they're not worthy of it. It's too big for them. Or they think that they have to do something in response to it, and they don't. You don't, you don't whatsoever. Okay. Um we expect so little in life in general, especially from the men. We're dating these men, and if he wants to take us on a date, if he however he wants to show up, we're like, we're kind of just thankful for what he's doing. We're just like, oh, he's planning a date. I'm just thankful for what he's doing. Oh, we're talking on the phone. Instead of asking for what we really would like to experience, getting in the nitty-gritty details of what we would like to experience, how we would like to experience it, how we would like for this man to show up for us, what would we like for this man to do when he shows up for us? Okay. I'm always comparing this to sex because sex is never going to be as pleasurable as you desire it to be in a general sense, right? Until you are able to, number one, express your desires in detail and how you want to be treated, um, touched, treated, however, and then having boundaries around that's experience. This is why so many of us are attached to a certain kind of man because we believe he's the only one who can give us that experience. When he is just the man that you didn't have to like speak up and share that with, but that is what the purpose, like you're supposed to learn how to speak up. And as long as you have people in your life that are not or that uh that you don't have to speak up, you're never gonna learn. You're never gonna learn. You're gonna rely on that one person and make it about this one person, one reality. It's just your inability. You don't have the skill set. So now you're attached to a person because you don't have the skill set. The same thing happens with desire and dating and having men invest in you, is you do not have to be attached to one man when you develop a skill set, all right? Um, when it comes to dating. And so it's it's time for us to stop over-accommodating. It's time for us to stop, you know, making ourselves so available for the men that we like and not um and not expecting, not commanding. And when I say commanding, I don't mean demanding, commanding our desires being fulfilled. Okay. What we like to do is I'm a good girl, and because I'm a good girl and I'm showing up in good girl ways, he's gonna see how much I'm a good girl I am, and he's just gonna want to do for me. I'm not gonna have to say anything about anything because a real man is just gonna see how much of a good girl is and see how much I accommodate, and he's gonna do the same wrong. That's damsel in distress behavior. That is immature feminine behavior. It's not a mature form of creating, it's very passive, right? It very much relies on someone else to do and have responsibility for what you're responsible to create for yourself as a woman. We also do things, I'll ask, I'll ask, like, I'll be coaching some women, and I'm like, hey, why did you do that? Or why did you accept that? And they were like, well, I didn't mind. Again, I don't mind is basically saying I didn't really care to do it, but I did it anyway. It didn't, I didn't, it didn't excite me to do it, but I ain't got nothing else to do. I ain't got nothing else to do. Or I'm just happy that he asked me so blah, blah, blah, right? I have clients tell me all the time, Torah, he asked me on, you know, he asked me to fly, fly out with him to, you know, whatever. What should I do, Torah? Because I don't want to have sex with him. And I'm just like, first of all, I don't tell grown women what to do. Second of all, this is your opportunity to express your desire so that men meet them. You are concerned about having sex with the man instead of creating what you want to experience. I remember I was flown out on a date, and on another date, not the first one I just told you about, it was on another date. And the guy, I told him, I said, in order for me to go on this, in order for me to accept this invitation to be flown out, I need to let you know that sex is not on the table. And then two, I would need my own hotel room. And he was like, is that a must? And I said, Yeah, it is a must. He was like, So that's a need. I was like, yeah, I will not be accepting any flights or any tickets if I don't have my own hotel room separate. And so that is what I received. My own hotel room. Now, did that stop him from saying, hey, can I stay with you? No, it didn't. But because I honor my own desires and I know what I was very, very clear on, that's why I decided to do that, right? That's why I decided to do that. Um, and if you guys have questions, please put them in the question box. Uh someone asked, Torah, are you still married? Yes, I'm still married. Why? You trying to marry me? You want to be married to me? I would understand if you wanted to be married to me. I want to be married to me too. I do. I'll be wondering if you'll be asking, like, do you want to marry me? Do you want to know if I'm available for you? Are you checking for me? Let me find out. Is you checking for me? You want to know what I got going on. Because you want a piece. Anywho, um, but make sure you guys are putting your questions in the question box. Flo said, marry her. Yeah, they want to marry me. They be wanting to know if they got a chance. I'm telling y'all, every time I go on live, they ask it. I'm like, y'all must want, y'all must want to marry me. It's okay though. I understand. I get it. All right. So we don't want to be undervalued anymore. We don't want to be overlooked anymore. Right? We want to experience adoration and appreciation. Put a one in the comments if you want to experience adoration and appreciation. If you just want to be adored, if you just want to be able to have something in your brain that you want to experience with a man, and then he shows up and he does it for you. I'm sorry, if you're watching a replay, my bad, please. I'm sorry. If you got your headphones on, my bad, times two. Um, so here is I'm gonna share a few ways for you to inspire men to invest in you. Not just financially, but also energetically, right? Um, I remember there was a woman who came to me and I was like, she was talking to this guy for weeks, and I was just like, why, you know, what's happening with him? Like, why are you talking to him for so long and y'all never been on a date? And she was just like, Oh, he just uh, and I and she wanted him to be a uh go exclusive. And I said, Why do you want to go exclusive with this man? And she was like, he's just so supportive and encouraging. And I said, How does he encourage you? And she says, Oh, well, I'm on a weight loss journey, I'm on a fitness journey, he's always texting me, good job. And I'm like, that's not a real investment. A text message is not an investment. It takes nothing to send a good job. Congratulations, text. So if you were telling me that he actually invested in you, that would, for me, that would mean, oh, he actually said, hey, let's go to the gym together. Um, I would like to help spot you while you're at the gym. I would love to look at your form while you're performing the set. I know men that have created workout plans for women, right? That they can go out and do those workouts. I know um a guy bought me a gym membership for a whole entire year. And I'm like, that is an investment, right? That is what investing looks like, right? Energetically, time, like he's spending time, he's spending his energy, right? Any type of resources is an investment, but him sending you a text message is not the investment. So I need y'all to understand that when y'all are saying, oh, men are adding value to your life, are they really adding tangible value? Or are you getting excited about getting attention? There is a difference between receiving real value, tangible investment, and then receiving attention from a man. Those are two different things. You can receive a lot of attention from a man and there is no tangible investment. None. Absolutely none. And you need to ask yourself, do you want to, do you want to stay connected to men who are just talking to you and having conversation with you? And you're like, oh, the conversations are so good and so deep. And I'm like, okay, what's happening here? You want you you want to make him your man? And all y'all doing is conversing? Conversing? Someone said they just hit the heart, the floor hard. You gotta get down to the floor to and pick yourself up to have more power to reach the sky. So hitting the floor is a good thing. Someone says, Torah, you told me good job one time. Now I love you. So this tracks. I told you good job. What I told you good job for. Now I love you. So this job. Oh, oh, I get it now. Right? So really pay attention to what you're impressed by. So if you're gonna go exclusive with the man, if you're gonna keep him around and give him him your time and your energy, you gotta ask yourself, what is what's the tangible investment in here? Um, and so if you want to inspire men to invest into you, and this is not gonna be the typical advice you will hear from people, because y'all know that my focus is personal development in dating as a spiritual practice. So these tips are going to be very different from what you might hear from someone else. Um, because I truly deal with working on the person and not dealing with men in that way. Right. So the first thing is if you want to inspire men to invest in you, you have to, pleasure has to become your priority. I like I can't, I can't say that so like I cannot say this enough. Y'all know I'm telling y'all this damn near every week. Damn near every week. I talk about it all the time because as high achieving women of faith, we prioritize everyone else's pleasure. Yeah, we we might grab a few smiles here and there. We might go on a trip here and there that puts a smile on our face. We might go to brunch and have some bottomless mimosas every now and again. Like we might do that. That might happen. But for the most part, we are in people-pleasing mode, meaning that we are doing things and operating in ways so that we can avoid judgment, so we can avoid criticism, so we can avoid rejection, so we can avoid conflict. Same thing with the men. So when we're with men, like so we're not prioritizing our pleasure. We, number one, a lot of us are living on autopilot. We're getting up in the mornings, we're going to work, or we're getting on our laptops to work. And then after work, we decide to kind of crash on the couch, maybe do some chores. Some of us have kids, so we're like handling the kids. Um, some of us are a little, you know, scrolling on social media just a little bit, kind of checking out just a bit. Um, and before you know it, it's time to do it all over again the next day. Like it's a repeatable schedule. Put a one in the comments if you kind of have like, you kind of feel like you're on autopilot from a day-to-day basis. Like you kind of feel like you're doing the same thing every day. And uh it feels like it's an autopilot. It's like a repeat, right? Every single day. And you're not really thinking too much about what's happening, it's just happening. It's a, it's, it's a common thing. You are not alone. It's so common to do. Like, I definitely understand that so much. It's really, really common. But what happens is that you are not, you like you, you get away from being in touch with you. So you can't touch the pleasure. You can't touch what um what excites you, and you do not seek to create it because you're not really there. You're kind of disconnected, right? Because you have all this stuff. Like you work really hard. You've always been a hard worker. We've been conditioned to be hard workers. It's not your fault that you work so hard, but you don't work as hard to please yourself. And it doesn't have to be some big thing. Like people are like, I'm about to plan me a cruise. You ain't gotta do all that. You don't. The easiest way, but before I get into that, pleasure has to be your own, your priority because it sets the tone. It sets the tone for how you expect to be treated while dating, how you expect for the men to show up for you. A lot of times we want men to come into our lives and rescue us from our own lack of care. We want men to come in and help us escape for what we haven't created for ourselves, which is why some of us have some heavy attachment to landing a relationship, to landing third and fourth days, for going exclusive, because we link that with if I can have this, I can have excitement. If I can have this, I can finally have true pleasure versus, oh baby, no, I am the pleasure. Ooh, you just came and you added to it, but I am it. And I am lit up with or without you. I I am pleased on a regular basis. It communicates that you respect yourself, you respect this temple that God put you in. It communicates that you are worthy. You are worthy of being consistently pleased. It communicates to yourself that you really love yourself. You really do. You love life, you don't just love yourself. You love life. You value life. You don't just love life. You value it. You value the tiny pieces, the big pieces. The rectangle pieces. Ooh, girl, I'm getting little right now. I'm so excited. Again, it doesn't have to be this big thing. Like, oh, I gotta plan this cruise or I gotta do, I gotta like uh invest in this$160 uh massage. I literally just showed a video in my stories of how you can of no of me and my my morning coffee routine. When I I talk about it so much because I am I am, it brings me so much pleasure to just slow down, to just slow down and just enjoy the process. If it could just, it could just be you simply slowing down. Y'all ever notice? Put a two in the comments if you ever notice when you rush, you tend to hurt yourself or break some shit. Flo said, I got excited about coffee without even being a coffee drinker. I'm telling you, it's it's contagious. My pleasure, you can feel in my body. I am transmitting the pleasure that I create within myself to you. Right? So we got some people that said they put it to in the comments that when they rush, I notice when I rush, things get broken, I get hurt, something, something happens, right? When we're rushing, we trip over things, we lose balance. But when you slow down, it's really hard to trip. When you're slowed down, it's really hard. Because when you're when you slow down, yeah, you are your own turn on, Shalita. When you slow down, you don't have to spend money to be pleased. You do not have to make a big event to be pleased. You can start finding the little pleasures in the world. So for example, I always tell my clients, when you go out and about and you want to be approached by men just in general, slow down and engage with the world. If you have resting bitch face, it means that you are not engaged with the world. It means you're in your brain, you're not in your body. You're disconnected from your body. You are here. The world doesn't exist. Or like you guys are walking straight because you got to get where you need to go and you're not slowing down. People always complain about New York City and how people there are not friendly and they don't smile and they don't wave. Well, it's a fast-paced city, it requires slowing down and engaging. And when you smile, and when you're slowing down, you can literally find pleasure. You can find pleasure in the leaves on the trees. Hmm. Look what God created. Look at that God. Look crazy. You start finding pleasure in the laughter of children in the background. Like, oh my goodness. Look at this creation here. Look at this. Look at this creation here. Oh my gosh. I love it. Someone says that's not true. New Yorkers are very friendly. We just don't want to be bothered. You don't want to engage. Now, I don't believe that New Yorkers aren't friendly because I always tell my clients every time I go to New York, every time I go to New York, I get tons of smiles when I go. Because I'm the one who slowed down. I'm the one who slowed down. And people often smile at me, people often wave at me. I don't have any problems when I'm walking around in New York at all. Someone says people don't smile in St. Louis. Yeah, that's I remember my husband trying to tell me, he was like, when you move to St. Louis, you know, people don't smile out here. And I was just like, they smile for me. They smile for me. They are friendly with me because I'm slowed down and I'm engaged. I'm engaged. I don't have a like, I don't want to be bothered mentality because I want to engage with the world. I want to engage with the world. Because I'm connected with the world. The world isn't bothering me. The world is, I'm deeply connected with the world. I don't have a, I don't have a I'm bothered attitude. Like I don't want you bothering me. Like that's not, that that is not a part of me at all. Because I'm I understand that I'm a part of the world. I'm a part of the community. Now, do I want to be harassed? No. I don't want to be harassed. But I don't leave the house thinking I don't want to be bothered. Never. And when I go to New York, I want to be connected to the people. And I do connect with them. Flo says, I'm from New York and I stay smiling. People can't help but smile around me because that is what you've chosen to create. The location means nothing. The zip code means nothing. Right? But it could, but it communicates, when you're able to connect with the world, it communicates a certain level of love, of pleasure, of connection. And when you can create that for yourself intentionally, it feels really good to the men when they're around you. They're like, how can I contribute to this woman's pleasure because she's turning me on? I am turned on. I can't tell you how many times me and my clients have heard from men, look, I don't know what it is about you. There was a, I don't know what it is about you, girl. I don't know what it is about you. Um, I had a guy recently tell me he was just like, you know, I almost fell in love with you. You, you, but you know, you told me you're you're married. I almost fell in love, like just off the energy. And the crazy thing is, I had just got done crying, crying my eyes out over something that didn't go out go my way. Someone says, I don't smile at work and I'm okay with that. As long as you're okay with it, you do what you want to do. Um, because I, you know, I don't tell grown people what to do. I think that everyone should do what's best for them and whatever's working for you. You just do it. Umly take my advice if it's gonna help you do better in life. If it's not, you know, y'all don't have to worry about what I gotta say. Um, what I was about to say, yes. The men can feel the pleasure on you when you have pleased yourself. When you have found tiny daily ways to please yourself. Right? Someone says, baby, I smile a wave and make small talk with and everybody, and it was a pleasant change. Now, for those of you who are on here, I love that, by the way, Destiny. I do want people to understand this is uh this nothing about this conversation is smiling for the purpose of men. You know how men would be like, you need to smile more. This is not about smiling for the purpose of men, to make men feel comfortable, right? Because there are some times you want to choose not to smile, or sometimes you want to choose to disengage with the world, but we're not doing this so that men can feel more comfortable around you. I need y'all to know that right off rip. Because I completely do not agree with men coming up saying you should smile more. No, you're doing it because this is who you are, and a person who is in this state creates. They are creators, right? They are created, it has nothing to do with pleasing men. We are not out here to make men feel better about themselves. Oh, she's not smiling. She must she need to smile so I can feel better. Boy, get the hell on. You need to find your own pleasure, sir, because we don't talk to men who don't find their own pleasure. It goes both ways. If you need it, like we we don't do it, but men are inspired to invest in you when they feel the pleasure seeping from you. How can I add? I like I have my own pleasure as a man, but how can I add to hers? Because I I I uh she we are source, ladies. We are life. We are life source. Life comes through us, right? We are creators. The men do want to be in our presence. They do want to have access to this. They want to see more of it, they want to experience more of it, and they want to invest in it. Should I give her, should I give her a gift? Should I fund her business? Should I uh, you know, rub her feet? Should I offer her a shoulder to crown? Should I send her soup? Should I cook for her? Right? Should I, should I take her kids to the zoo? Should I plan a surprise date? Like, what can I do for her so that her fire is always lit? Because I love when her fire is lit. Man, that life source around me can't get enough of it. But it's not coming from a place of you need to do this to make me feel comfortable. You don't want to deal with men who need you to do it for them to feel comfortable. You want to in you want to interact with men who do it because it because they understand the benefit of your uh of what you create. They understand the benefit of your pleasure upon the world, upon himself. Not because he needs to be made to feel comfortable for your smiles. That's not, I need y'all to understand the difference here. There is a difference. Put a two in the comments if you understand the difference. Someone says, New affirmation unlocked, I am source. Life and love comes through me. It does. It does. Comes through our wombs. People, people often say, like, you know, people, there's a misconception that the egg, like the sperm are racing to the egg when the egg, science has proved that the egg is the one that chooses the sperm. A sperm can hit it and be like, nope, I don't want your DNA. Nope, I don't want your DNA. Nope, I don't want your DNA. I don't want your DNA. Go. Science has proven that. Hey, beautiful lady. Hey girl, how you doing? Gorgeous. Um we choose source, life, source, creation. But anywho, I was on that a lot. I'll be staying on y'all a lot about pleasure because I just need us high achievers, us women of faith who've been conditioned to be good girls to get it in our heads. The second thing on how you inspire men to invest in you mentally, emotionally, financially, energetically, is you gotta honor the your own desire. You gotta know how to honor your desire, meaning that you know, you know that you don't want to go for drinks, but you go anywhere because I don't, I I don't mind. You know you don't want to do it. So instead, you'll just be like, I'm not gonna go on a date, or you'll just go. Instead of saying, hey, I shouldn't want to go to drinks, I would much rather do blah, blah, blah. Will you be confused, like, oh, this man wants to go out with me, but he lives two hours away. Should I he wants me to meet him halfway, but I don't want to meet him halfway. Hey, sir, I would love to see you. And I'm excited because I've been listening to your voice all week, but I don't feel comfortable driving two hours to meet you. And it's like I'm I'm comfortable. I'm not comfortable with that. If you can come the whole way, that would be amazing. If not, that's okay too. Right? Or another um way that we we honor our boundaries, um, and to to let you guys know, honoring your boundaries is being able to express them and being able to protect prioritize and protect them. So right now I'm talking about expressing these particular uh desires that that you have, right? Asking a man, hey, on this day, you know, I would love it if you bought me some flowers. I would love it. It would make my day. If you bought me some flowers, that would be great. I had a client, she was having a rough time, and she said that she requested for a man to show up at her doorstep, like show up for her after work. She was like, I just need to cry and be held and be hugged. And he was there right after she got off of work to do so. I have a client who was not available for sex, but she really, really loves massages. She's like, if this is what you can do for me, I would love for you to show up on a weekly basis and give me these massages. He knew that for me. I have had clients have men help them change career paths. Have men fund their businesses. Hey, um, one of my clients, she sent, she sent a message of, I think something was going on with her car, and she requested, like she sent him the invoices. And again, these are not men that she's these women are exclusive with. These are not their men. These are not their boyfriends. These are men that they're dating. We tend to think that we have to wait till we get our man, our exclusive, our boyfriend, to start asking for things, to start requesting things. And you don't. The men will show up for you once you've decided that you can be shown up for, that you want to be shown up for, that you expect to be shown up for. Your expectation is that they show up for you. Men in general, not just your man, right? And so you communicate what the desire is. I re I talk all the time about the guy who used to who used to cook for me and meal plan for me because I worked, I did um taxes. And during tax season, I was so busy. And he would meal plan for the whole week and make sure I had my food. Please, can you cook for me? I love when you make that couscous, and I love when you put those um those chicken thighs on the grill. Can you please meal like please have some meals for me so I don't, you don't have to worry about that this week? Can you do that?

unknown: 45:12

For me.

SPEAKER_00: 45:14

And not just expressing the desire, but also protecting the desire and having boundaries around the desire. So y'all already know I have a really good friend who doesn't do um certain dates. Like she doesn't do drink dates or coffee dates, but it's not because she feels like it's low effort. It's because she only does goes on dates with men, uh, first dates with men on dates that excite the man, that really excite the man. And so a man was like, hey, um, you want to go grab coffee? And she's like, I'm unavailable to go coffee. I prefer to go out on first dates with men where they're in their element, where they get excited, where they get lit up. Because I just I love to see men excited. It turns me on. So I don't want to go get coffee. I don't want to get drinks, I want to go to a place that excites you. And she's been on some of the most interesting first dates. One of them was her going to the batting cage. She had one guy take her to the batting cage because that's what excited him. And it didn't matter what they were doing. She was gonna do something that excites because she loves, she gets turned on by the excitement of men. And uh so instead of saying, oh, you ain't gonna take me on no coffee dates, no effort, she was just like, I don't, that doesn't determine effort for me. It doesn't, it doesn't, that's not my desire. It's just not a desire of mine. This is my desire. A lot of times we're turning down ideas and we don't even have a desire that we want to go for. We simply just allow the internet, allow the gurus, allow the outside world to tell us what to do or tell us how we should show up. Instead of asking, like, what do I really want? Maybe not coffee, maybe it's this. And also he took her like indoor skydiving. There was another guy who took her indoor skydiving because that's what excited him. So she went on all of these interesting dates because this is what excited these guys, right? And she protected that desire by saying, I'm not gonna do that. I don't want to do that. I'm unavailable to do that. And it wasn't a passive aggressive, it wasn't mean, it wasn't condescending. It's just like, hey, I don't, I just don't want to do it. I don't want to do it. There was a guy that wanted to kiss me on the first date, and I said, I'm not interested in that. Just like that. I'm not interested in that. And and he said, why not? I said, because I don't want to. I'm unavailable to kiss you tonight. He's like, wow, okay, I thought I was handsome. I said, you are. I said, but you ask me again, I'm gonna leave. No hard feelings, right? There's no hard feelings. I did ask him, was he super horny? I'm like, sir, when you're horny like that, you don't need to be going on dates. You need to go go masturbate, go do something. But please do not bring me a hard dick, right? On a first, don't do that, sir. Don't come to me hungry. Don't come to me hungry like that. Go ahead and get that out of the way. I don't you starving out here on the first date, sir. Go go satiate yourself. Please. I recommended that he not do that, right? Of course, we never saw each other again, but but let me tell you something about that date. Now, some people might have been mad about that date. I wasn't, because y'all know I was clear about my desires. I said, for our first date, I would love for you to bring me a book. I'm gonna bring a book. You bring a book. Let's talk about these books, what we're reading. He ended up gifting me a book. He gifted, he said, hey, I know we were just supposed to be bringing books, but I bought you a book because of what you told me you were working on, and I think this could help you. And I was like, oh, that's so sweet. Thank you. But yeah, he turned into a lust bucket. I was like, sir, don't bring me a hungry dick. I do not want a hungry dick. I just met you, sir. You don't need to come to me hungry like that. Um, but I honored my desire by asking for a book on the I asked for us to do that on the first day. I was just like, can you bring your book? I bring my book. Let's talk about our books together. And he ended up buying me a book. And then I protected my desire by letting him know I'm on available, I'm not gonna laugh this off. I'm gonna look you dead ass in your eye. Sir, I don't want to kiss you. Not gonna do it. Versus like, no, no. Why are you asking me that? Like, I don't need to know why you're asking me. I don't give a damn why you're asking me. If I don't want to do it, why do I care why you're doing it? I don't want to know. Happy Tuesday. Um so yeah, the second piece is honoring your desires when you know you want something, express that you want it. Men want, like we have this group where women are like, a real man should know. And that's not true. A real man is not a crystal ball. A real, like a woman who is in her power knows how to lead with her feminine desire and allow the masculine to execute it. A woman who is in her power knows how to lead in her feminine desire and allow men to embody their masculine and execute on that desire. Here's what I want as a woman. Can you fulfill it for me? Here's what I birthed out of my own dreams. Can you fulfill these dreams for me? Here's what I created out of my own imagination. Can you fulfill them for me? Here's what I want to experience because I got a touch in my body about it. Can you do this for me? Can you fulfill for me? Versus, oh, you should know. And I'm like, it's not the masculine's responsibility responsibility to know. It there is this responsibility to execute, to do, to handle, to carry out, to contain, and we put it out there for him to execute, for him to act upon. And then we receive it. And then they love it when we receive it. This is why I do not entertain men who think it's gold digger ish to ask and express. I don't entertain those types of men. It's just too many men that want to see me happy. It's too many. My clients is too much of that. It's too much. Right? And then honoring your uh so we talked about pleasure being your priority, honoring your desires. And the third is detaching from the outcome. I've had clients come to me and say, Torah, you know, what if he doesn't want to do it? So what? He doesn't do it. You have to be completely detached from the outcome. Meaning that, oh, it's okay that he says no. It's okay if he if he turns me down. It's okay if he says no to me. That's completely fine. I don't, that's I don't mind. Your desire is not attached to a man. It's not attached to one man, it's not attached to any man. It is yours. And it's going to get done if he don't want to do it. I remember I requested a man send me an Uber because I didn't feel like driving late at night for the date that he wanted to go on. And I was like, not going. He said, You don't have a car? And I was like, I do have a car. He was like, so why do I need to send you a car? Why do I need to send you a car? I don't think it was an Uber, it was like car. Why do I have to send you a car? I was like, you don't have to. But I would feel safer and more comfortable because you're asking me to come out at nine o'clock at night to spend time with you. I love a car. I would love for you to send a car. And he was just like, you don't have a car. I was like, you know, this isn't gonna work out. It was a pleasure connecting with you. Then I had another guy actually send me the car. No problems. I was just like, hell like a car. He had no problem sending the car. The desire can't be attached to whether he says yes or no. He can say no, it's okay. It's completely fine that he said no. And just because a man says no doesn't mean you have to stop connecting with him either. There have been men that I've chosen to continue connection with because that no wasn't a non-negotiable. But if a man wanted me to come out nine o'clock at night and he wanted me to drive myself out at nine o'clock at night, there's a there's a level of safety that he should be concerned about there. And he wasn't considering that. And so for me, as one of my core values, like that wasn't a part of the deal. So that's why that was a disconnect. But just because a man tells you no, does it it means nothing? It goes back to honoring your desires. I have women who will not ask because they think they're gonna get a no. That's not honoring your desires. You have to be detached from the outcome. You have to be willing to expect 30 no's. You have to allow men the right to refuse. But it also allows you the opportunity to see who you're in alignment with, to see who's who's who's who's ready for this. And I talked about, I think last week, the difference between an insecurity and a desire. A insecurity, a desire is not the same thing as an insecurity. Some of us have insecurities and we and we and we call them desires, right? So we're insecure about men showing up for us. So we use desire to prove that he is showing effort, to prove that we're desirable. That's insecurity. That's not you actually sharing a desire there, right? A desire is completely unattached from you needing validation. You don't, you it's nothing about you taking it personally and you do not look, you do not take it personally on the other person. So you have to be willing to be told no. The second thing in detaching from the outcome is you can't need a man to have to do it. If you need it to happen, kiss it goodbye. Kiss it goodbye. If you need men to spend money on you, if you need men to show up for you in a certain way for you to feel pleased, for you to feel beautiful, for you to feel desired, for you to feel appreciated, for you to feel uplifted, for you to feel adored. If you need these men to do that, forget about it. It's going to choke out any type of energy that a man had to want to invest in you. Imagine a needy man who needs you to like him, who needs to talk to you to feel better, who needs to be around you and talk to you in order to feel like a man. That would be a turnoff, wouldn't it? Put a three in the comments if that would be a turnoff for you if he needed that. It would be all in his energy, and you could tell that he would need it. I remember there was a guy, he used to always try to play it cool with me. He would try to play it cool, but energetically I felt that he needed my attention. He would act very nonchalant, very aloof, but his energy was screaming, pay attention to me. I need you to see me. I would tell, I would say, hey, I'm not available for that, or hey, um, no, and then he would be like, um, he would try to play it off and be like, nah, that's cool. I didn't really want that. You know, that was I'm like, you boy, don't try to play like you are not buying for my attention right now. Trying to act like you did not really want to do whatever you asked me to do. Just say you really wanted to do it and you were disappointed. Because so I can feel the need seeping through your pores. Well, that is the same type of energy that happens when we need men to show up for us. Did he spend this amount of money? He gotta spend at least this amount of money. He needs to buy me flowers to prove himself. He needs to buy me something. He needs to do this for my birthday. He needs. A man can smile that neediness, smell that neediness from a mile away. And it's disgusting. You don't like it. It's not good for you either to need it. It's a desire. And as long as you're needy for it, it's an insecurity. It's not a desire. It's some it's some void you're trying to feel, some validation, some something you're trying, some chat, some trauma you're trying to address, but it ain't a desire. Because nothing, nothing changes who I am and how I show up and um how I feel about myself just because somebody didn't want to spend money on me. Or just because someone told me no. Doesn't work like that. Right? So I'm about to start asking, answering questions. Put your questions in the question box. I've been on here an hour again, y'all, over an hour. I just, I tell myself, Torah, you know, you're gonna shorten these lives. It never, it never works. I'm I'm over time today. Put your questions in the question box. So we talked about today how to inspire men to invest in you. Number one, you need to prioritize your own pleasure because as long as you have pleased yourself in seeping out of your pores, the men want to invest in that pleasure. They see how much joy you bring to the world. They see the benefit of your pleasure on the planet in his life. So he wants to pour into it. The second thing is honoring your desire. By expressing it clearly, like not holding it in, I don't mind no, not holding it in and then also putting boundaries around it. I'm unavailable for whatever you're talking about because this is my desire. I am not open to doing that because this is my desire. I am protecting my desire. And because I'm protecting my desire and I'm expressing it, it's showing a certain level of confidence, a certain level of self-respect, self-love. And he's like, oh, this woman loves herself. She's commanding. She knows what she wants. Let me continue to give her what she wants. Let me invest in this self-love and this self-respect. Let me invest in her energy. He's not investing in your business. He's investing in your self-love. He's not investing in a purse. He's investing in your self-respect. In your own commitment to yourself. He's not investing in these material things. He's not investing in all this other thing. He's investing in who you are as a woman. And three, detaching from the outcome. These men's, they can't, you cannot be needy about it. And you need to be told no, be able to be told no. Now, put your questions in the question box if you want me to answer questions from you. But I this live is an introduction to my week my workshop, The Well Pleased Woman. If you would like to be learn how to confidently put your desires out there and abundantly receive, if you would like to learn how to abundantly receive thoughtful gestures, gifts, um uh new experiences, emotional support, right? My workshop is the Well Pleased Women Workshop on March 9th, Saturday from 1 p.m. to 4 p.m. If you type desire in the comment section here, either here or on the replay, you will receive a link to the workshop. It is$97 until the end of this week, and then it will go up to$197. You will learn how to end the cycle of overinvesting and finally allow men to invest into you. You will enhance your overall lifestyle by having men add value to your everyday life. Be prepared to identify your delicious desires that you want to experience on a regular basis. Be prepared to express those desires so that men are excited and eager to fulfill them for you. And be prepared to set those boundaries that honor and protect your desires so that you don't settle for less and then get prepared to lean into the art of receiving your desires without feeling obligation, resistance, or guilt. Thing is, guys, this is not a lecture. So the way that I'm talking at you on this live, the workshop is gonna be completely different. It's an interactive workshop. Interactive workshop where you will be collaborating with me, collaborating with other participants through hands-on activities, through hands-on discussions. We're gonna do breakout rooms, we're gonna do real-world examples, we're gonna do role play so that you can have the opportunity to apply these concepts real time. So instead of me talking at you, we are going to be building this out together so that you can leave with tangible, right? You need to be prepared to be on camera. You need to prepare to be on camera. Now, you can have the replay, but if you're coming live, you need to prepare to be on camera. Um, and for anybody, for the first 100 ladies who sign up for the workshop, I have an express your desire script bundle. And that is a collection of written, powerful scripts and conversation starters designed to help you communicate your desires with clarity, confidence, and grace. So the first 100 people who sign up will receive that script bundle. And if you've ever attended any of my workshops in the past, especially the conversations that is for our commitment workshop, it's gonna be a time and you are going to leave with results real time. So put desire in the comment section and you will receive the bot DM so that you can sign up for the workshop. What are your questions, guys? What are your questions? I'm glad you enjoy CTIC. It was tell the people about CTIC, the my workshop. Just tell people about my workshops. My workshops are amazing. Because I'm not, it's we're not just talking at you. It's an interactive experience. Someone says, How do we stay open and happy while smiling with the world, including other guys, while still being respectful to my man? If your man sees smiling and being happy with the world as disrespectful, then I would see that as a problem. I would see that as a problem. If he takes you being open and happy and smiling with a man, typically that is a man that does not honor the feminine. He likes women but doesn't honor the feminine. Someone says, is playback included in the ticket price? Yes. The replay is included in the ticket price. This$97 only lasts until the end of the week, and then it's gonna increase to$197. Someone says, CTIC changed my entire life. I engage differently with all humans differently. I love it. I'm telling you, if you love CTIC, you're going to love this uh Well Pleased Woman workshop. You're gonna love it. I wish I could screenshot these comments. Are you on this call, Nina? Screenshotting these comments. We need these. Someone says the workshops are phenomenal and practical. They make us see ourselves more than focused on the men we desire. I love it. Um okay, thank you. Thank you, uh Winnie. But uh, yeah, any more questions? I'm excited about having y'all part of the workshop. Anybody else? We good? I don't see any more questions. We good on the questions. I've been here for a uh a long time though. One thing Torah's gonna do, Torah's gonna talk for over an hour and then crash. There's there's a replay. There is a replay for CTIC as well. You can purchase that. I think it's at the I think you can actually get CTIC at the link in my bio. If you if you comment connect in the comment section, you can actually get a replay of CTIC in the bonuses that come along with it. If you if you comment connect, you will receive a link for CTIC actually here. Um and CTIC was a wondrous workshop. Again, CTIC started off um a few months ago. So this, she said it's so worth it. Yes, CTIC is worth it, y'all. If you enjoy CTIC, you're definitely going to enjoy well-pleased women. Definitely. Someone says, what is the best way to communicate your desire in a feminine way? So I want you guys, the way we, the way we've been conditioned to think about the feminine, what we call femininity, is very patriarchal and very misogynistic. And it isn't the truth about the feminine. And so when we say, hey, how do I say this in a feminine way, what we're saying is, how do I say it nice and sweet? That's not the feminine. That's simply what we've been taught how to be, how to be good girls and how to be agreeable and how to make men comfortable. That's not the feminine. That's a patriarchal identity that was created for us. And when we fit into that box, that's men say, oh, she's feminine. That's just being nice. That's nice, is not the same thing as feminine, right? So when the fact that you're communicating your desire, the fact that you're communicating your desire is the feminine expression. That's the feminine. I'm sorry, y'all right. Connect didn't work, y'all. It's CTIC. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. It's C T I C. Y'all, my bad. Just put CTIC in the comment section. It's not Connect. It's C T I C. Y'all forgive me, please. Forgive me. My head is just gone. If you try Connect, it is CTIC.

unknown: 1:08:37

Sorry.

SPEAKER_00: 1:08:38

I got too much mini chat going happening. Too much mini chat. My bad guys. But the best way to communicate your desire is to express your desire. Just think about how you would want somebody to talk to you as a human being and say it. The expression is the feminine, not like, oh, I have to say it nice and I have to say it soft and it has to sound like this, and there has to be like, you know, no. It's just, I would love to do that. That is the expression of the desire. Okay? Anything else, guys? Yeah, you can purchase it as a gift. You can. You can purchase any of the workshops as a gift. Um, I have I sometimes I'll have men purchase these for their sisters, their daughters, their cousins. They'll be like, Torah, my cousin needs this. Let me pay for it, Torah. I'm like, okay. Anything else? Okay, we're good. I don't even know I'm asking for questions because I'm burnt out. I love y'all. Bye. I'm looking forward to seeing y'all at the workshop. Comment desire on the replay. Bye. Yeah, I'll leave the live up. All right, queen. That was one hell of an episode. And again, I am always going to be pointing you back to how can you implement something from this into your life today, this week. Right? And join the workshop. Join the Will Please Woman workshop. Get in the door. It's March 9th. Saturday, March 9th, from 1 p.m. to 4 p.m. And you are definitely going to want to have access to this content, whether you are in the room live or whether you're watching the replay. This workshop will be, it's not a lecture, it's gonna be very transformative, very hands-on, and very interactive. And when you get this podcast, it's gonna be on a Thursday. You're definitely going to want to secure the early bird spot before Saturday. I think what? That's the 17th. The 17th is the last day to secure the early bird rate. Yeah, the link is in the show notes.$97. Go ahead and grab it. This will be the cheapest it will ever be. So go ahead and on. Go ahead and on. Go ahead on and get it, girl. All right. I shall talk to you soon. Oh, and leave a review. Girl, stop playing. Leave the leave a written review. I read them all. I love you, and I'll see you next time. Bye.