Date with Cents
Date with Cents
From Church Girl to Dream Girl with Juliet R.
My client Dr. Juliet went from dating men who couldn't afford to send her an Uber to having wealthy men send her gifts just for rescheduling a date.
In two months, she went from less than one date per week to 22 video calls in November alone with high-caliber men begging for exclusivity after the first date.
In this episode, Dr. Juliet breaks down what actually shifted that took her from "the unlucky girl who never gets that kind of guy" to having multiple accomplished men competing for her attention.
After listening, you'll understand why performing for men keeps quality guys away while being present makes them obsessed, how celebrating canceled dates creates more abundance than spiraling ever will, and what it actually takes to go from church girl to dream girl.
Work with me to stop being the girl next door who he friendzones and become his dream girl
Book a sales call HERE to learn more about private 1:1 coaching with me.
Learn more about private 1:1 coaching with me.Book a sales call HERE to speak with me.
Follow me on Instagram for more dating gems at:
@torahcents
@curved2cuffed
What's up, lover girl? Welcome back to the Date with Sense podcast. Ooh, I am feeling very comfortable, very refreshed. I'm revitalized. I have I'm I think I'm like still recovering. I as y'all know every month Latin Poppy takes me on a a trip. I'll call it a weekend date where he takes me to a place that I want to go. And we went to Arizona because I really, really love Arizona. And um we went kayaking. I I drove ATVs for the first time. I was hella scared, but I did it. It was so great. It was so fun. Um I had the like went to a taco spot, best tacos I ever had. So Arizona was a vibe. The only thing is, um, in Arizona, you gotta make sure that you are hydrated. So I know a few times I was like lightheaded, hydrated, I was ready to get back home. I was like, we gotta go back home early. I just I need to be back in my climate. So I'm like still kind of recovering from from that air and you know, recalibrating myself. But I'm super excited to um to be back on the podcast. And this particular episode with one of my private clients that I just started working with. We're about two months in, and she lives in South Africa. She's a doctor that lives, a medical doctor that lives in South Africa, and so she is a woman who was like, you know, grew up in the church, was told to hide her body, was told to wait on God, was told to like, you know, don't do too much. Like, you know, basically don't be too much, whatever that looks like. And this uh woman went from barely meeting one man in a week to having 22 video calls in a single month. She went from dating dusty men who forgot their wallets on dates. True story to men flying in from other countries asking what gifts they can bring her. Like that's the vibe that she's living right now. It's what it's two months of us working together, and she did all of this while working full-time as a medical doctor in South Africa. So I I'm super excited about you here in this episode because uh this queen you know what you listen, you can just listen to the episode without further ado. Here it is. We have Dr. Juliet in the building all the way from South Africa after I don't begged her after weeks to come to my podcast.
SPEAKER_01:I'm so happy that you're here, Juliet. I'm so happy to be here too. Uh but nervous, but I'm ready.
SPEAKER_02:So let's do this. Oh my god, girl, what was you what are you most nervous about in this conversation?
SPEAKER_01:Um, I guess it's just, you know, the part where people get to know more about you. Uh as good girls, we tend to be very performative about our work and our lives. And then when it comes to our live lives, we just hide away. You know, we don't want to take up space. We don't want to, we don't want anybody to think we're doing too much. So it's it's this opportunity to grow. It's really an opportunity to grow for me, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, y'all. I have I've been begging her. I was like, look, come to the podcast. She's like, I don't know. I was like, girl, they need to hear it. I don't think she thought you she was ready for a minute there. I'm like, no, girl, you're beyond ready. Let's do it. Um, so this right here, like this episode, I'm so excited to have with you because you are girl. Anywho, we're gonna talk about it. Three words to describe your love life.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, so three words to describe my love life. The first one would be revealing. Um, it's revealing a lot of parts about me, right? Like just how I think, right? It's not necessarily about my love life alone. It's how I think in general about myself. Like, what do I think I deserve? What am I willing to put effort in? Where am I willing to grow? So it's it's become this mirror to the rest of my life, you know? So revealing would be number one. Number two would be expansive, because wow, I am growing and it is growing and evolving, and it's pretty fun to watch, like just in a couple of weeks with working with you. I'm sure it's less than eight weeks or so, but it has changed so much, like just in eight weeks. And so that's pretty fascinating to discover all those parts of my love life that I didn't know I enjoyed, that I didn't know would exist, that I didn't know were possible for me. Like I believed them they were possible for other people, um, but not exactly for me, right? And then the third word is abundance. Oh my gosh. I just I never saw myself having this much abundance. I know we just started working with each other, but it's so beautiful to just have options, like, you know, um, for example, the the two gentlemen I went on a date with this past weekend, both of them are already asking about exclusivity, and I'm like, hold on, sir, I'm just here to enjoy you. So this level of abundance and you know, just navigating from a space of I'm getting to understand people, I'm getting to understand who God made them to be and how they move on earth is just it's beautiful. I am loving it. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Girl, I'm loving witnessing all of that. Going back to revealing, what's one thing you feel like your love life has revealed to you that has really just opened your eyes to the possibilities and what you absolutely deserve or could experience and you know, more of in the future?
SPEAKER_01:I think it revealed that inasmuch as I call myself a spiritual girl, I actually didn't have faith in this aspect of my life. And I was just settling for anything. Like every other area, we're like, oh, what are your goals? What are your dreams? You know, God is able to do exceedingly abundantly beyond thinking big. I think when it comes to dating, it's like, ah, and then if he finds me, then that's it, you know? And now I'm like, no, Lord, this is what I want, this is what I want to experience. And I have faith that that's what you want for me, as much as God loves every other area of my life. He loves my love life too, and he's interested in it. And, you know, so it was like a process to get of getting to understand that I actually have a can I say a poverty mentality when it comes to the dating part of my life, and I don't have as much faith there, and I don't trust God as much there. I'm just like waiting for whatever gets handed down to me, which is not what God wants for us, right?
SPEAKER_02:That's one thing, that's one reason why I teach dating as a spiritual practice, is because so many of us, as women of faith, like we pride ourselves on being women of God, women of faith. And dating will expose the faith that we actually claim to have. It will expose how spiritual we actually are. Because if you think about all the areas in our lives that we exceed in, it doesn't require us to have a lot of faith. It doesn't require us to have a lot of faith to go to college when we've already seen so much of the blueprint. We've already had that stuff laid out for us, we've already had so much evidence that we've seen that, oh, this works, this works. If you do this, that's not faith, right? We don't need faith for that. Or like getting a career, like we've had all that mapped out. If you go to school and you do this and you do that, and you get on LinkedIn and you go networking, you do this, and you're gonna have that. And you've seen it happen time and time again in movies and in your family and things like that. It doesn't require a lot of us to have faith. Building our credit scores, whatever, buying a car, buying a home, that doesn't require us to have a lot of faith. But when it comes to love, that is when our faith is like really, really tested because a lot of us have not seen the blueprint. We have not seen what that looks like in action, even with our own parents, even with our own families, we look at them and we're like, oh, I don't want that. I don't even, I don't even know how I'm gonna get what I want because I don't see anybody that has what I have. And so dating as a spiritual practice, it will reveal how much faith in God you actually have and his promises to you. So, and speaking of that, tell us a little bit about your family and how that impacted how you even saw your love life.
SPEAKER_01:So I guess family, and you know, even in psychology, they talk about how your first experience of love and what it looks like affects how you then date and who you become. And the famous book you always reference, you know, Women Who Love Too Much, um, from Club Hostays. I think for me, I just saw that I don't want a part of this. Like, listen, I am peaceful, I have a peaceful life, I have my, you know, I have my home, I have my career, everything is great. I don't want what you have. And I don't see myself being the struggle wife. I don't see myself staying for the sake of the children, I don't see myself sacrificing myself, looking after somebody whilst they enjoy the world, and then come back later when things are down and they need support, and you know, the support is always available. I was just like, no. So in that case, I mean, I think I dated sporadically, but also when I dated, unfortunately, and this is something you even picked up in our first sales call, there was something similar about those men with the men that are in my family that I see. Like there was a lot of similarities there. And you picked that up in the first in the sales call, and I was just like, she's too good.
SPEAKER_02:Do you mind me sharing what that was? You can share. You can share. So on the call, you were telling me that the men in your life, especially considering like your father, he's he's a high cow, like he is a your CEO individual, but he's also not been a great husband to your mom. You know, multiple affairs, kids outside of marriage, zero accountability, being held to that, and then also your mom being the good girl, staying, praying, covering for him. And uh, what we picked up on the our first sales call, what I told you, I was like, because you were dating the dusties at the time. You were dating the ones that were like super impressed with you. And I was like, you know, girl, you're I think you're attracted to men who are beneath you because at least they can't hurt you the way your father has hurt your mother. Or like the men in your family has hurt the women in their life, but those men can't provide either. So there was like this disconnect. Like, I want a man who's a provider, I want a man to be able to show up for me, but at the same time, I got this thing in my like subconsciously, I'm avoiding it because of that. Do you remember that? Yeah, I did.
SPEAKER_01:It was uh sad time. And then the realization hadn't hit me. Um and to have a stranger who you literally have, was it even 30 minutes of the court? It was 10 minutes in, and you're picking that up. And I'm like, wait, that is so correct. That is so correct, and yeah, so hmm. But gone are those days.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, we don't gotta deal with that no more. Um because we're dealing with expansiveness, like what's possible? Like that was your second word that you that you named. What have you experienced so far that you didn't even realize was possible for you two months ago, three months ago?
SPEAKER_01:I think stating certain desires, and the person says, Oh, okay, sure, not a problem. Like, without needing to justify, without just them saying, okay, sure. You know, um, there's certain desires where even the podcast bros will be like, this is too much. Who does she think she is? Like, you know, especially in the world of too much media. Uh, people are always trying to tell women um what they can receive and what they can't receive when they're being too much and so on. And meeting those people who jump at everything because they're just excited to make my day. They're excited to, you know, to deliver the request. So that's been exciting. Um, just not feeling like I'm too much, just not feeling like I'm asking for too much. Like whatever I'm asking for is something they can deliver easily, you know? Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:What's one thing that you asked for in the past that felt like too much that now that you asked for, the the the guys are just whatever you want.
SPEAKER_01:So it would be a ride to my dates and back. Um, I just I enjoy being taken care of and it's easier that way, also. And every time I'm like, oh, would you be available to send an Uber? And they're like, sure, definitely. Um, just share your details on the day of the date. So that already is like, ah, really?
unknown:Okay.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, because I remember one time you posted in the community um uh like you being kind of anxious around asking for an Uber, so much so that you kind of sabotage the situation of like you didn't want to drive to the date. You knew you would have to, I think you would have had to drive like 30 minutes to the date if you would have gone. And then the day of the, I think that right before the date, like the day before, you were like, um, can you send me an Uber? And I did he deny that? I think he denied it, right?
SPEAKER_01:He did, he did. Yeah, because he had limited time in the day, so it would have just made, I think it would have made the ride for him an hour and a half longer. Um so he denied. And I was disappointed, felt a little bit guilty. It was like a mixture, and I think a part of me also still didn't truly believe that I deserved um to have my desires fulfilled. I think that's why also I was a little bit anxious about it. The good girl was thinking, are you asking for too much? And are you um potentially being unrealistic, you know? So when he said no, I took it to say, all the guys are gonna say no. All the guys will have problems with this. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. I just, and that was one evidence, there was one incident which when I look back, I have dated guys who stayed further, who were willing to drive those. So I'm not sure what it is about our minds that tends to magnify the one incident and forget all the other good incidents, you know? So, but that incident, I remember it threw me off. I was spiraling on a Sunday morning.
SPEAKER_02:I think also it was because there was more pressure because you were like stretching yourself to like be cognizant and very intentional about asking for things. Like this was a place where you're like, no, I'm actually gonna ask for the things I want and not just wait for men to be generous. I'm going to ask for men to be generous. I'm going to require men to be generous and not after a few dates. I'm going to ask for them to be generous on the first date, before the first date. Not like, oh, I'm going to wait until they like me a lot or wait until I win their hearts. Like, no, I don't even know you. I even see you in person, but I'm requiring for you to be generous ahead of time. And I think that scares a lot of us, you know?
SPEAKER_01:It does. But now when I look back, now it's like one of my easiest requests. It comes naturally, it comes very easy. I don't even have to think about it. It's like, what am I feeling? Um, in one of the coaching codes, you gave somebody uh homework to write their desires for the week. So even before my date comes up, I have written my desires for the week. And I'm like, okay, at this date, what do I want? What would help me feel relaxed? What would help me enjoy him? What would help me just feel sexy and amazing, you know? And I look at my list, I'm like, okay, for this date, I'm gonna ask for one, two, three, even before it happens. And it's been success after success, you know. The gentlemen have been like, sure, definitely. I would love to make you smile, you know.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, I love that so much. Um, so now that you are, you see what the uh the possibility is, because I remember you talking about even on our sales call, you were like, I feel like the unlucky girl who never gets that kind of guy. Why did you say that?
SPEAKER_01:Well, again, as you always say, dating reveals it's a spiritual practice that reveals deep things to think about ourselves without knowing it. And I think because I've always been the one who rescues and serves others, and have never really put effort into my own love life. I think I felt a little bit resentful towards the girls who then have a beautiful love life, you know, because, and also there's a part of performance and works that you sort of taught as a child of God to say, serve God, and then God will give him to you on a platter, you know, and you have all those expectations, but it's not happening. Um, there's a podcast that she did about how, in the end, good girls or you know, women of faith are resentful, angry, and I think I was exhausted. Like, I've done everything. You know, I have served, I have saved, okay, okay. In church, everywhere. I have given, I've done everything. So I've done the Christian things, and yet I still don't get to experience these amazing men. So I'm definitely not that girl, right? But it's not, I didn't just, it's not only that I felt that. I think I also projected that onto other people potentially. And I think also it affected my own perception of my love life and what I was willing to do for it. You know, um, was I willing to show up looking pretty? Was I willing to just enjoy a space? Did I think I deserved to just enjoy an expensive place? No. So how do you expect to meet a certain caliber of men if you're not investing in yourself and making sure you show up in those places? I also wasn't taking full responsibility of my love life and just waiting for it to happen to me. And because I wasn't taking full responsibility, I didn't have the results. So feeling resentful and angry and feeling like I'm that girl who doesn't get those kind of people was mostly based on the fact that I was happy hiding and not putting effort in my love life.
SPEAKER_02:Ooh, I was happy hiding and not putting effort into my love life. So the anger was actually misplaced. Because actually, we're angry at ourselves. We're not angry at the men. No, we're not we're not angry at the women, we're angry with ourselves and we don't know what to do with that anger.
SPEAKER_00:That's so good.
SPEAKER_01:And that's the other thing, Tara. You know, we should we show up for everybody else but ourselves. Or we show up for other things but ourselves. You know, if it's a toxic work environment, we stick around and try to make it work. And if it's even church being abusive, we stick around and try to make it work. But when it comes to our love life, we feel like it's too much just to invest in what would make our love life beautiful. It's too much to invest in what would make us happy. I think a part of us doesn't feel worthy to be loved. But if God loves you so much, especially for the women of faith, we have this whole concept of God doesn't play about me, God loves me, God is crazy, God be showing me when he did one, two, three, four, you know, God doesn't play. So you shouldn't play about you too.
SPEAKER_02:Oh listen, listen, I'm telling you, sermon past the offering plan, because again, it's that it's that same rhetoric. It's the rhetoric of everywhere else in my life, I'm gonna scream to the rooftop about my faith, but I'm not able to apply it in my love life. And one thing I love, love, love about working with you is that even though you like you've had like the same conditioning, but you've also been able to break through the the patterns really, really fast because of how committed you have been to the process. I will say you were so committed in even enrolling into one-to-one coaching, you were committed. Like you were like, I remember you were like, okay, I am going to afford this. I am going, didn't you get some investments? Didn't you like liquidate some investments to pay for this program? Yeah, we needed a car, but we left the car don't.
SPEAKER_01:And I was just like, we're gonna make this work. And the bank was being dodgy, taking forever declining the payments. I'm like, we're gonna make this payment.
SPEAKER_02:Yes, it was like Torah. Torah whatever we gotta do. Maybe we're gonna have to split the payment, but I'm gonna make both of these payments. My bank said I'm not gonna be able to listen, you are so committed to the process. So that was like the first sign that, like, you were all in. You were like, no matter what, I'm gonna liquidate this investment, I am going to make two different payments in the same day. I am going to they like that's where your focus was. And as soon as you came in, what was one of your aha moments within the first week of us working together?
SPEAKER_01:I think it was one of the workshops where you mentioned that you, in your own coaching journey, don't always implement everything, but what you implement, you go crazy about it. And when you say that, I thought about it and I was like, you know, this is not politically correct, but you know a crackhead. There's never a day they tell you they don't have money to make it work. So they're so committed to an addiction that's killing their life. And I'm thinking to myself, also, I've been committed to other things. I've been so committed and gone above and beyond. I don't have to do everything right, but I just need to go crazy for the few things I can do. And I should not have an excuse. If she gives me homework, I should make it happen. Like, she'd just be like a crackhead about this and just be like, you know what? I'm gonna make this happen. It doesn't matter what happens, this is the homework, we make it happen. I shouldn't have an excuse. I think at the end of the day, I was like, this is the one time I get to show up for myself and love myself enough to say, you're unhappy about this and you want to grow. And I remember even at the start, I was like, Tara, even if I don't get a man at the end of this, I do want to grow. There's a certain lifestyle, which is something that has become very loud, that it's no longer more about the dating. It's become more about me becoming a certain type of woman and a sort of lifestyle I'm starting to leave that I'm enjoying, right? And so the thought process was I just don't want a man at the end of the day. I just want to grow and be better. I want to be in a better space, you know? And if it means I'm gonna go crazy and be a crackhead with every instruction you give, I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna implement everything to the fullest of my ability, the same way I've shown up 100% in all other areas of my life.
SPEAKER_02:That's where the best results come in when we take the focus off the man. Typically, clients will come in on a loop of I need the man. I don't have the man. When am I gonna have the man? I wanna be in a relationship in the next three months, I want to be in a relationship by Christmas, I want to be that is like the worst thing that you can do for your dating results because the focus is not on who you become as a woman. The focus is not on the skill that you're building. You are still pedestalizing a man and you're still in the pick me zone. You're still like, I want to get picked, I need to get picked, I need to get picked versus like when do I just pick me? When do I just pick myself? When do I pick for myself in order to be the best version of myself? Because that is the version that's always gonna win. The version that you invest in. Okay? The woman that you decide to put on the pedal. So anytime we're focused on hopping into a relationship, we're pedestalizing men, we're centering men. As soon as I can get a client to realize it ain't about these men, I don't care how amazing these men are, it's never about the men. I don't care how incredible a man treats you, it's all a reflection of how you show up for yourself. It's all a reflection of how committed you are to you, it's all a reflection of how you pedestalize yourself. And when I notice that a client is looping, I'm like, oh, she's self-abandoning somewhere. There's a place where she's not focused on her. And one thing about you, and I'll say this you are a private client, but when you first um enrolled into working with me, you were on a wait list. Because I promoted, I was like, look, this is the last month to work with me in one-to-one coaching. This was like in May. If you sign up here, like you'll be put on a wait list, but I'm not taking any more new clients for the rest of the year. And I haven't. That was the last month I took on one-to-one clients. And so you were on a wait list, and I was like, okay, you're on a wait list, but you can go into C2C curriculum, start this work now, come to the calls, and get a head start before we start our one-to-one coaching. And typically, my one-to-one clients, they kind of like hang out, you know, they're they they kind of like hang out. No, I'm gonna just wait to Torah you know, I'm gonna wait till I get to work with one to one-to-one with Torah. One thing about you is that you were like, I ain't waiting. I'm not waiting for Torah. This is about me. And I I am going to take complete advantage, what is in front of me. And girl, you were on all the group calls. You were posting in the community every week, and you were getting coached way before me and you started working on one-to-one. So when I say we were two weeks, two months into one-to-one coaching, Juliet had already had a head start and like being extremely committed to herself during that time. What happened during that time before we got into one-on-one coaching that had you been like, look, I'm gonna be fully committed to this until me and Torah are working together one-to-one?
SPEAKER_01:I think there was a initially it was a bit of fear. And, you know, just like any other good girl. And I think you've mentioned this also on a different podcast about how we have this fear that it won't work for us, that I'll work on my love life and it won't work for me. So initially the fear drove that, where I was just like, okay, let me just try do something, you know, try do something. And then I think a week or two in, in one of the coaching calls, you were literally coaching these ladies about their professional life, not even about their love life. And I was just like, hold up. This is really not just about dating. This is about me growing as a person. And so if I don't bring up an issue, you won't be able to identify what other areas of my life this actually affects. So this is more than dating, and I can get a lot more out of this. So if I listen to the module, do the homework, post the homework, and she can correct and see where I'm seeing something, you know, with a bit of a squint eye or with a wrong view, then I'm actually gonna get more. Like, literally, I think most of my first calls, you were coaching people on friendship, uh, friendship, work, um, boundaries with their fathers. It wasn't even about the love life. And so I was like, listen, this lady is not here just to get money, to get, you know, to get people to have partners. She's literally less uh interested in how beautiful their whole life can be. And so I thought, you know what, my whole life could be beautiful. I could really take care of every aspect of my life by just being in a dating program. So I'm not gonna take this for granted. Let's just go with it.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, yeah, because typically when women are settling in their love lives, they're also settling in so many different areas of their lives. The love life is just the one that has the most pain, but they're settling at work, even though they may have really great professional positions, they're settling. They're settling in their social life. Like even you being a successful doctor, there was a place where you were settling in your social life, in your elevated environments and not feeling comfortable, like going to those elevated environments, sitting in those elevated environments. I'm like, your whole doctor. Why are we not elevated consistently in crossing paths with that elevated man? Just off the sake of strength of like just being there. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_01:I think there was a lot of good girl conditioning there, where you know, sometimes the church in general has this thought process where, yes, I'm in holy places, you shouldn't be. Um you shouldn't be associated with certain thought processes. And I remember the first time he gave me homework to go to an elevator place. I had to do a lot of self-coaching. And I remember I asked Chat GPT, why do I need to go to this um cigar and whiskey bar? And Chad was like, Well, you're a medical doctor. You're a medical doctor, you love people, and it's stating all those things that he knows about me, um, my passion for public health, my mentoring of other young women, and your organizations that I'm associated with. And it's just like this should be your kind of lifestyle. This is where you should be every time. And I'm like, you know what? You're right. But that doesn't mean I wasn't anxious. I was still anxious and I didn't scare it.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, and you did it, and you did it amazingly. So that has also impacted your entire life because now you get used to luxury. You get used to luxury.
SPEAKER_01:Even if a man isn't there.
SPEAKER_00:Go ahead.
SPEAKER_01:I'm loving them. They're just, you know, the Bible says Jesus came to give us life and life in abundance, right? So abundance means we should be enjoying certain places and certain experiences. This should be our places we just relax and enjoy. And I think that homework, I mean, I know a lot of people complain when I've in our calls when you say you need to go to one TV for I have this whole okay, we're gonna make it work. What are the excuses that I have? Okay, the excuses are parking. Okay, I'm gonna Google where I will find parking. I'm gonna call them. Do they have parking? Um what other excuse do I have? Oh, bookings. I'm gonna call them in the morning. Do you necessarily need a booking? Okay, they don't need a booking. Like I'm trying to eliminate every excuse that I have because I'm also understanding that me doing those things opens this side to my life that I really enjoy. I am a soft girl, you know. I do enjoy beautiful places, but I've been staying away from them. And based on the cotching and being forced to show up at those places, I'm like, wait, this is my vibe. This is something I could enjoy. Oh, I love this, you know. So I'm also trying to make sure I don't have excuses. Any excuse I try to eliminate it. And even so I'm not it at the point where I just wake up and say, okay, I'm I'm I'm great at it, I can do this. Typically, the day before, I'm over-analyzing and I'm over-searching, but I would rather oversearch and fix every little thing that I'm worried about, about doing the experience, than not doing the experience at all. Because at the end of the day, my life is becoming beautiful.
SPEAKER_02:It's your life. And a lot of us take the anxiousness and the initial overwhelm as an oh, I shouldn't do this, versus this is the very thing I need to be doing. This is calling me to grow and stretch. This is causing me to be bigger, and that's what faith looks like. In spite of what's going on in my body, I'm gonna have the faith that I'm gonna overcome and I'm gonna have this skill. And God has given me the power to do it, right? And what I noticed as coaching, like hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of women, high achieving women, we are very high achieving in our careers and we have very high positions, but I am not seeing us in a lot of these elevated spaces. I am not seeing us in a lot of these extremely like um rooms with like wealth is just abundant in those areas. And then when I am, when I go to these places, especially like when like here in the States, a lot of these places they don't even look like me. They will ask, like, how are you there? I'm not really seeing black women in the room, like there's just, but I'm like, they're not because you ain't here. You're watching me do it, you're not in the room. You have to come in the you have to be a part of this and understand that you're worth the wealth, yeah, you're worth the richness, yeah, and it's bigger than your career. It's like luxury should be the standard. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Um I think the more I'm in those spaces as well, the more I notice that um we be a perfectionists. So we feel like a certain woman who looks a certain way, or a certain woman who is not anxious about being in those spaces should go. So until I'm I'm no longer anxious about being in those spaces, then I'll show up in those spaces. I'm like, effort. We're just gonna go there, show up. If we mess up, we mess up, we'll come back. They won't remember us in a week's time. We may all come back. You know, I'm just like, I might as well just learn. Like, I'd rather learn forward than not having attempted at all.
SPEAKER_02:The only way to feel comfortable in those spaces is to practice being in those spaces. That's why I have y'all go there because if whenever y'all meet abundant men, you get tongue-tied, you start overthinking because you're not used to that kind of man. You're not used to starting conversations with that man, you're not used to interacting with that man. Remember when you first started going out on dates with those girl, the first conversation on a dating app with that man, how did that go? And how did that feel?
SPEAKER_01:That was horrible. Just to give context to what Torah is talking about, meshed with a very interesting, um, I would say high-value man who moves in big spaces. And that we could see that based on the profile uh generally and even the conversation. But once again, because this was like, I mean, this was the first one of that level, um, I really fumbled that conversation. And I remember sending it to you, and I didn't see what I had done wrong initially. But then I slept over it, and you also took a bit of time to respond. So by the time you responded, um, based on different time zones, I was like, oh no, I know what I did wrong. I know what I did wrong. I am used to the ones that need my support, need my motivation, need me to probe them to think big. Need me to support them so that they can scale up their business. You know, they need me. And so I'm here to provide intellectual conversation, to expand their mind, you know. I am the perfect help meet. I am helping him get his vision. And that's all what he needed.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, he didn't need that. I was like, it seems as if you're performing here, like you're trying to make something happen. And like you said, like you were trying to prove yourself. And I'm like, this man don't need you to do none of that shit. He simply wants your presence. He wants your softness, he wants your playfulness, he wants he wants he wants to be seen by you. Yeah, not for us to try to get them to to be better and think better. They they will be better and think better just by us being us, just by us being soft, just for us being present and not. Trying to make anything happen. What happened when you decided to drop the performance mode with these men and go into just presence mode, just being present.
SPEAKER_01:There is like a juicy change. Um I think it was very liberating as well for me. Because like the good girl always wants to have a good date, to be great enough for the date. And so when you're in presence mode and I'm just here to see you, to hear you, to witness you, and to discover the good things that are in your life that you're learning about yourself. And even with the questions I ask, but those moments he's discovering how amazing he is, and I'm just there to witness it, that turned my dates into so much fun. Like I enjoy my dates now. I don't think too much about it. I am just there to be present and to have fun and to just know who you are as a man.
SPEAKER_02:How are these high-caliber men responding to you now that you are fully present? Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_01:They all want exclusivity after the first date. That, but also they keep talking about, oh, I wasn't aware that I made this dream possible. You know, I wasn't aware that they're starting to also discover sides of themselves or things about themselves they weren't aware they, you know, they've accomplished. And in that moment, they're excited. They're like this five-year-old, and I'm like, oh, so cute. Um, but they're really amazed at the fact that I'm taking time to just learn about them. Not trying to move anything along. I'm just here to witness you and for us to have an amazing time, to laugh and just enjoy our lives. That's what I'm here for. And that concept of somebody is just here to learn about me, understand me, and they're not trying to push this forward just after the first day, they're really surprised.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, yeah. Because they're used to women seeing them, seeing the caliber of men they are, how educated they are, how much money they have, how much freedom they have. And a lot of women are like trying to lock that down, trying to get them to be, you know, they're be consistent. They're trying to be like, what are we? Drop it. You don't need these men. And once you no longer need men, once no longer you don't need these men, they need you. Do you see the change? Do you see the change now on how they need you?
SPEAKER_01:I mean, I I barely have to ask for a second date. I I don't have to ask for a second date. They they're the ones who, as the end of the date, who are like, I am aware that you're dating multiple people. So what does it look like? I'm sure you can I'm sure you can schedule me in. Like, and and I'm like, oh, so cute. I am enjoying it.
SPEAKER_02:And are you pressed to go into a relationship with any of these high caliber men?
SPEAKER_01:Not even. At the start of the coaching though, Torah, I wanted a relationship by December. Like, literally, I wanted a relationship by December. And a friend recently was like, Oh, I had a dream about you getting married. And I'm like, the Lord can hold on. Not yet, but initially the I really wanted a tour. I was like, by December, this girl better get me a boy.
SPEAKER_02:You know, that's often what happens, is like women come to me. I need to be in a relationship. I listen, the best thing I could ever do in coaching is for you to stop needing a relationship. That's the best result. It's not like the result isn't like I never get excited about like telling people after six months of working with me, she like I got her a boyfriend. Like, that doesn't excite me. Because anybody can get them one of those, right? That that's not the exciting part. The exciting part for me is I don't even want one. I have so many different options to choose from. I have men coming out of the woodwork, and they're all that it's not like because you'll hear women say, I'm single by default, because I don't got time to be dealing with kids. I don't got time to be dealing with the dusties. I don't got time. But it's like, no, I'm default by single because I have so many men that I love. I have so many men. I'm single by default because if I if I go exclusive, then I can't enjoy him, and I can't enjoy him, and I can't enjoy him. But whenever someone comes to me rushing to be in a relationship, I already I already know they're pedestalizing men, and I already know that they're self-abandoning themselves and they need that kind of validation. And I'm like, so my goal is not to lock you down in this relationship. You could get into a relationship, right? And it can be very, very healthy. That's not my goal. My goal is for you to have a thriving love life at whatever stage that you're in. So even if you are it do get in a relationship, it it you're not you're not the ones complaining about your man not dating you or taking you out or or providing you with gifts. Because we got a lot of women in relationships, don't get no gifts from their man, don't get no surprises, don't go on no dates, all right? That's it's not worth it. So for you, one of your biggest wake-up calls that we had that really started you on a trajectory from moving towards dating okay men, because you was you were dating Destiny Men, then you started pivoting and dating okay men, like when you first joined C2C, like you were you started you started dating some okay men.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:You on a whole nother level right now with the men that you're dating right now, we're real um wealthy men. Yeah and when one of the biggest wake-up calls was your dating profile. That beautiful baby. You want to talk about that? You want to talk about like what happened when we first looked at your dating profile?
SPEAKER_01:Wow. So when we first looked at the dating profile, it was okay, you know, it wasn't bad. Wait, the first time we looked at it was at the sales call. That was still the time of the dusties. And even then, before we agreed whether we were gonna sign on with each other, you had already told me what to change so that even if I didn't sign on, um, you know, so I think also that that did say something about you as a person because we were on a sales call and I was yet to decide if I want to work with you, and you were yet to decide if I fit with you, but you don't want to leave me empty without any new things to fix. So at that time, yeah, it was horrible. And then it got better. Got better, but still the pictures weren't great. Um, the wording didn't speak to specific men. It was very vague. Um, very girl next door, I'll probably be your best friend that you can take to, you know, just your family gathering, nothing romantic, nothing crazy. And now it speaks to those kind of people. It takes speaks to a higher level of people. And it's it's really been juicy. Juicy is an understatement.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, juicy is an understatement, but it's a it's a good word. Um, I remember uh when we first did uh we when you moved from the wait list to us having our first one-to-one call, and we were looking at your dating profile. And because before, because you didn't do the quality man finder previously. So you had done the quality, like you had done the quality man finder, correct, right? Yes, I had. I had I had before the Yes, so therefore, that's why I was looking at your profile from a different lens when we started working the one-to-one, because there's a difference in a pro in a profile, and you're targeting a man making 80K versus the man that you was targeting, right? Two different types of men. I'm like, this profile, girl, they don't speak to the man that you're trying to target. You're trying to target the big dog. This is not a big dog profile. This is probably like, you know, he did he decent. You know, he probably got a little bit of discretionary income every now and again, but he's not gonna be able to provide you the life that you're looking for. And so I looked at a profile and I was just like, it, you know, if if we show up lazy, we attract lazy. So we literally have to be the best of the best on this app. And we're looking because that man is the best of the best in his field. That's why he makes so much money. That's why he's able to live the life that he lives. He is a one percenter and he is the best of the best. So we have to show up in the profile the best of the best. And then also your photos screamed comfortable, not opulent. This is a man of opulence. He's gonna want a woman of opulence, but the photo screamed comfortable. It screamed, I'm the girl next door. That I'm the little sister. That he that that kind of man with friend zone. Like I'm the little sister, and so it wasn't matching the energy of those men that you were looking for, even though I knew you had the energy. Um, so I remember telling you that you look like the girl around the way instead of his group instead of his dream girl. What did that hit like when I told you that?
SPEAKER_01:The thing with me, Tar is when you say stuff, I gladly take it. And I'm just like, I'm gonna fix this. I don't, I never take it personal because at the end of the day, I'm like, you're the expert, right? If you came to me for medical advice and I gave it to you, you would gladly take it. And so that's the way I take it. Whenever you you push back on something, I'm like, okay, if Torah said it's needs to be fixed, it needs to be fixed because she's the expert in this field. I must say though, and I had this conversation with my best friend a couple of days ago, that the good girl conditioning, where we sort of take pride in being the humble one. Like my looks should be humble, my hair should be humble, I should never attract attention to my body, I should never attract attention. So we we then grow up comfortable to show up comfortable without like we don't want to do a full face of makeup. I'm not saying you should do it every day. I really do it, but I'm just saying in general, we even take pride in saying I'm the girl next door, or I'm your I'm your buddy, your favorite buddy that you can take to the hockey game or to the basketball game. Like we we take comfort in it's okay. Uh, people should just love me in this state because this doesn't attract too much attention. This is humble, this is what a good child of God does. And so we were like, Yeah. Those pictures don't work. I was like, okay, you're gonna make a plan. And I remember the the week I was supposed to make a plan, I think it rained or something, and I sent you a message and I was like, Torah, I am gonna get the pictures together. It just rained, but I'm definitely gonna get the pictures together. I will make sure I go somewhere and I take nice pictures because I wasn't gonna let the rain stop me. So then following week there was no rain, and I went and I got my pictures.
SPEAKER_02:Girl, you had this stuff done in a week. A week. I need you to understand how committed that is. Because, you know, sometimes I gotta keep reminding people, hey, we need more pictures. Hey, we need more pictures. Hey, girl, this is girl, we need new pictures because we can't do much without the pic girl. You did it in one week. In one week, and you sent them to me. You not only did you have pictures, you had videos. Very nice pictures, very nice videos, and this time you look like the dream girl. You look like the dream girl, Juliet. I was like, who the hell is this? I literally thought those pictures were you been had them, but you had just took taken them. That's it.
SPEAKER_01:You know what's funny is for some of the pictures, so there's a mall close to me, and they tend to be teenagers who hang around there. So for the other two dresses, I literally carried my dresses to the mall. I'm serious, Tom. Carried my dresses to the mall on a Friday night. And even as I was driving there, I was like, this is crazy. I am crazy, but look at this, I'm crazy. I and I literally asked those teenagers to take those pictures. You know, the the one of them is like this maroon dress, and I'm standing and this beautiful tree. It was literally random teenagers at the mall. This random 16-year-old boy, and I was just like, dude, help me.
SPEAKER_02:Hopefully he doesn't run away with my phone, but that's amazing that's the kind of commitment that gets the results, though. You were like, I'm crazy, like this is crazy, I'm crazy. That's what it takes. Because a lot of us are thinking, like, oh, I'm so desperate. This is so desperate to get a man, but ma'am, you you're talking about you want to be in a relationship. Like it to me, it's desperate to wait around for somebody to choose you. That's desperation for waiting around for someone to just pop up on you. Like, to me, that's desperate versus like, you know what? I I want the pick of the litter. I want whoever I want, whenever I want them, and I'm gonna put in the work to do it. And to me, this is not about getting a man, this is about creating a love life that completely serves us at every level. And that level of commitment, again, it is no wonder why two months in you are absolutely killing it with the kinds of men that you want. All right. Like, I'm I'm so like so excited about you.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I I've noticed the value of just doing what you say I should do and then self-coaching myself as I do it. Even the first time we did the elevated experience when I couldn't find parking and I had to go around the block three times, I kept saying, this is crazy, but we're not leaving. We are so not leaving. I am going to go into that hotel. So we're gonna find parking, we're gonna drive around three times until I find parking because this is crazy, I'm crazy, but who cares? Let's do this. Just in general, though, like I think of all the crazy billionaires we know, especially one that you Americans are not a big fan of, just certain gentlemen with cars. Well, they do crazy shit and they get the results that they want. So every end of the day, I'm like, God can't direct a popped car. I just need to start moving. Whether people call it desperation, whether they call it craziness, I don't care. Because if this was, let's say, a toxic job and I went through to the very end of trying multiple different ways of doing things to find a new job, people wouldn't call it crazy. They'll be like, no, you deserve peace. So, yes, do everything you can to your power to get a new job. Go networking. Like when it comes to jobs, we're cool with it. When it comes to losing weight, we're cool with it with people doing everything and anything. And when it comes to our live life, we're like, oh, that's a lot of work.
SPEAKER_02:Speaking of the work, that's one thing that you and I talk every single week. Every single week you come to the call with me, you tell me what you've implemented. And every single week I see you post in the group, even though you don't even have to be in the community, you post your work in there every single week. Do you do you want to share the work that you do on a daily and weekly basis to get the results that you're getting?
SPEAKER_01:Wow, as I said, I'm a bit crazy. So um, so with the swiping of the profiles, um, we agree that the main method for now for me meeting men is obviously the app, because I'm very busy and I already have time to be in certain places. And so we need to utilize the app fully. So for that, I swipe five times a day for five minutes. And I have created a system around that, how I do that, because I think it's Atomic Hobbits talks about creating systems to make sure you keep up a habit. So I know when I swipe, you know, in the morning, when I wake up, as soon as I get to work, my lunch break, before I leave at the end of the day, and when I get home, so it's like five times in total. Always happen, you know. Um well, except for Saturdays, because I might be on a date, you know what I mean? So but in general, during the week, it definitely happens to the tea. I mean, if you can be fanatic about other things, you might as well be fanatic about your dating life, right? So I do that, and then one of the workshops we did, the Lover Girl Identity or something like that, um, talked about Identity Sprint. The Lover Girl Identity Sprint. So from the identity sprint, because I'm that extra, I asked Chad to make uh fun wallpapers. So I have three or four of those, and I look them at them every morning. The first one has my Lover Girl vision, you know, the one that says I am a woman who blah blah blah. You know that one. So that's the first wallpaper. The second wallpaper has my uh roaster readiness action items, and then the the third wallpaper is just a beautiful visualization of how I want to be taken care of. And so that happens every morning. I look at those three wallpapers every morning to remind myself this is what I want, this is what I'm working towards, and this is the woman I am. And then the self-coaching. So that's something I've recently gotten into because in the last two, three weeks, you've been very fanatic about how we're not self-coaching. That's why we're spiraling. And so I've been doing that. And a week where I'm not feeling so great, I would do that by starting with the evidence. Like, what evidence do I have from yesterday, from the day before, that I am that girl, uh, life is beautiful, my work is beautiful, the men love me, I'm spoiled. And then the weeks where I'm okay, I just used any of the different methods of coaching that you have taught us. But the self-coaching has really been beautiful. I think since I started that, I spiral less, I worry less. And even when I worry, I'm like, oh, you're figuring that out. You're changing, you're evolving, so it's okay. You know, it's it's okay to worry a little bit, you're evolving. So it has helped me just acknowledge the work I'm doing, but it's also helped me see that, you know what, I am that girl in my live life.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, yeah. A lot of women tell me they want results. They want them in, they want the dates, but when I ask them what they're doing on the spot, they can't name the specific things that they're doing. And you treated this like a practice, like going to the gym religiously, right? Like I know exactly how much I'm building muscle and I'm losing fat because this is what I'm I'm going to the gym every day. I'm eating my high protein meals every day. I'm not lying to myself, eating Oreos in the middle of the night, eating Doritos, and then saying, Oh, I've been sticking to myself like I'm not like I'm doing the stuff. One of the things that you treat it like practice. Was celebration to acceleration, the clap framework that I taught. You have been doing that religiously. And if anybody who is who doesn't know what the clap framework is, if you're not a client, you're not gonna know what it is. But the clap framework is something as a framework that I have taught as a dating strategy because celebration makes dating so much more abundant because we only be allowing ourselves to feel good when we get the man. And when we train ourselves to feel good only when we get the man or get approached, we're training ourselves to live in lack, even when we're winning. And men can feel that lackness, which is why, if that's the only time we feel good about our love life is when we're on the dates, is when we're getting the men, then that's then you're gonna live in lack and you're not going to attract the kinds of men that you want because you're only celebrating the finish line. And clap is a um, it stands for an acronym. We're not gonna go over it in a podcast, but what inspired you to clap for yourself or do the clap framework every single week?
SPEAKER_01:Well, we would get to the cartoon calls and maybe something has happened to you in your own dating life. And instead of being angry about it or sad about it, you'd be like, Yeah, but he wanted to come see me down here. He was willing to fly. So you you would literally ignore the fact that this man didn't deliver or didn't fly down in the end, but you're like, the fact that he wanted to come, that's evidence that men want to come down for me. I was just like, this is a different level. But I must say I am so grateful for it because even when I don't post, I do it every day as well. Like, what are we clapping for today? And because at the end of the day, there's a lot that's shifting and changing when you're in the program, and you might not notice it. And I think at the end of the day, the goal is to become a different woman, not just to get a man, right? And so you want to be aware of where you're changing, the mindset shifts that are happening. And you know, the L and the clap is locate the mindset shift. And every time I do that, I'm like, wow, I didn't know I think like this now. Oh, wow, I didn't know I'm that abundant now. Oh, I didn't know I'm not moved by by men who say no. Oh, I'm the love of my life now. Oh, I didn't know that was the new motto we live by now. So it's recognizing these small things and these changes that are happening in me that deserve a celebration, such that at the end of the day, if something doesn't happen, I still know I am moving towards my goal. So, like the you remember the week with the four canceled dates? Oh, yes, that four people canceled dates on you. You have four dates. She was like, they all canceled. Like four canceled dates. But then I could look back and say, but wait, we did, you know, six video calls. My clap for last week was I had six video calls. So I'm I'm doing great. And then the following week, Torah, there were two extra canceled dates if you remember. So it was like two weeks of cancellations, but they didn't move me at all because I had evidence that there are other places where I'm winning. I've been celebrating myself for one, two, two, four. I asked for help here and there. I asked this person to fix that, as you know. And so, because I have that evidence from the claps that I've been doing, I knew I'm okay. I'm okay.
SPEAKER_02:Oh yeah. I remember when you when I we first like I was telling you about like how I celebrate myself and like you were laughing. Like Torah just blinks and she starts celebrating. I do not care. I don't care if a day falls through. I like I there was a time where a man wanted to fly me out to London and he ended up unmatching me, and I started celebrating. I was like, look how man wanna take me to London. I don't care. I celebrate every tiny thing. And so when you celebrate, you're in abundance, and that's why your third word is abundant. Because when you celebrate, you you don't see lack. You don't exist in lack. Everything feels good. Not only when a man is calling you, not only when a man that's over six foot tall is talking to you, not only when you got a man taking you out on dates and sending you Ubers. I'm happy that you four dates were canceled this week because I secured them in the first place. I am so like I'm celebrating the fact that this man didn't want to call me an Uber. You know why? Because I asked for it. I never asked for it, and I asked for it. So we celebrated all. And that to me, like is a huge identity shift for you, like a deep transformation. Like there was a moment in the pro like in the program. I have I I I I help people create their pipeline plans. And a pipeline plan is a specific plan based after an assessment you take, the rotation readiness assessment that tells you how you will be able to um build your your rotation in 90 days. And it's and then every week there is a like we score how much based upon the actions you've taken, and you scored really high on your pipeline points, and you looked at it, you was like, this doesn't feel like me. This doesn't feel what's happening here? Like, what was going on there when you saw how many points you actually had in your in the pipeline?
SPEAKER_01:I had been in the program for a while then. We had just started the private coaching, but I'd been in the program for a while. So I had been doing work, but I think there was still a lot of good girl conditioning where we don't show up for ourselves, we don't celebrate ourselves, we don't want to take up space. So I'm looking at this double digit number and I'm like, and I'm also looking at everybody who posted, and nobody had that double digit number. I'm like, nah, I joined a few weeks ago. I can have this much points. This must be wrong. Did I score wrong? I remember my message to you was did I score wrong? Like literally, it was trying to find something I did wrong. It wasn't to celebrate myself or just to take up space and say, Yeah, I showed up for myself this week. And so I said, What is this girl talking about? You did amazing. Yeah, but the identity hadn't caught up with the work I was doing. I was doing great work, but I was still very much hiding.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Yeah, very much. You were shifting identities. The woman who has choice in her romantic life is a completely different woman than the one who waits and sees, right? This woman she creates and her lifestyle is love. That means that she has to um be loving herself in the work that she's doing. And speaking of loving yourself in the work she's doing, you came to me with the most beautiful self-experiment that I was just like, she gets it. Juliet gets it. So you are taking up Kinzomba. Yeah. You want to tell us about your Kinzomba experiment and like what were because you said your love life was revealing, what that revealed to you?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, so um in in general, one of the modules in CTC is about how we present ourselves, embodiment and heat, and how we show up in places, right? And that's all about vulnerability and just you know doing things in a vulnerable space, but knowing that it's okay for me to show up in this elevated space and be vulnerable and experience everything. I don't have to have it under control. So around, I have been listening to that module like a couple of times on repeat, but also that was the time that you gave me homework to show up in an elevated space. So then to show up in an elevated space, you have to be relaxed and just take everything in and be vulnerable. And so I thought, what's a quicker way to teach me this? You know, to make me lose control, stop trying to control everything and to learn to live more in my body. And I'd already been taking Kizomba lessons for about two, three years. But I decided on one of my Wednesday lessons, I sent a voice note to my coach. And I'm like, listen, may I kindly asking that for this coming one hour, I would love to do my lesson blindfolded. Are you comfortable with that? And then he said, sure queen, sure, queen, we can do it, show up, and then we can we can talk about it. I'm like, okay, great. So he said yes. I shored up, and then I explained to him that I just want to be in my body. I don't want to control the dance. Normally, when I my eyes are open, I sort of can read you, and because I've danced with you for a couple of years, I sort of know your general moves. So at this moment, I just want to be in my body and led. I don't want to control anything, I just want to be present in the dance. So he's like, oh, sure, okay, that's fun. Um, if it goes well, I might have to do this with all the ladies. I'm like, okay. And so the first 15 minutes were horrific. They were terrible. I was anxious, and he could tell I was anxious. So we we talked about it at the end. He was like, I was holding on to him much tighter. I was anxious, but I wasn't willing to stop. Because I think we danced about two or three songs, so I was like 10 minutes in. He's like, Do you want to stop? Because I feel like you're really holding on to me tight. I'm like, nope, I don't want to stop. Let's continue. But that's because I knew I was comfortable and I was safe, right? So not everybody should try this if they're not feeling safe. But because I knew I was comfortable and I was feeling safe, I was like, let's continue. And 15 minutes in, at some point, I was having fun. I couldn't see where he was leading me. I just had to trust the body cues, but I was having fun. And at the end of that lesson, he was like, This is the best you've ever danced. I've never done anything like this. And he was like, Oh, would you love to share this on your Instagram? I'm like, sure. So I shared it on Instagram. I tagged him. A couple of people who weren't even his clients were like, Oh, this is so sexy and beautiful. I can't believe she can do that blindfolded. You must be great as a coach. I want you to coach me. So, and then I was telling him you made money out of me, sir.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, yeah. And you sent the videos to me, and I'm like, this is it. This is the kind of presence and surrender that's necessary while dating in your love life. Because what us good girls don't be realizing how much we perform in everyday life. And through our performance, we're trying to control everything. And the blindfold expose how much we are pushing up against life, how much we're trying to control it. And when you couldn't see, you couldn't perform, you could only just be. And so now you know the feeling of what does it feel like to completely surrender and to just be, which leads to us to surrender and just be with these men. Yes, and they love whenever we stop performing with these men, trying to prove ourselves to these men, the men try to prove themselves to us. That led you to have these men eating out of the palm of your hand, so much so that when men cancel dates, tell tell the people what happened when men cancel dates on you.
SPEAKER_01:We have to schedule with a little gift that can make me smile. So, besides the fact that they're all gonna get me chocolate and my Uber and my flowers on the date, they're still an extra little gift just to make me smile and to make up for the minor inconvenience that we had to reschedule.
SPEAKER_02:Absolutely. Now the men she went from Dusty's for getting their wallets on the dates and debating whether they want to send her Ubers to men canceling dates, these high-caliber men, and getting her gifts before the date because they canceled. She be sending them a spoil me list after cancellation. She's like, Look, if you want to reschedule, please cover this. Cover this for rescheduling. But but the reason why they do it for you effortlessly is because you are able, like you've shifted identities and you're able to just surrender and just allow yourself to be present and to anchor in the abundance that you've been anchoring over in the past few weeks. Now, before you had less one, you was meeting one less than one man per week, barely any dates. Yeah. You had 22 video calls, you had 22 video calls in November alone. Yeah. 22. We remember remember when you used to have to ask men to book video calls with you? Now they are begging you.
SPEAKER_00:They're like they're asking you.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, and I think also what's fascinating is I had to change my thought process about that, right, as well. Um, because initially I thought, oh my gosh, a 15-minute video call is gonna be long. And um, I'm gonna do a lot to get a date. But now, my when we started talking, and then you were like, How many men do you meet in a week? That was the question. And I was just like, What do you mean? Then you're like, no, how many men do you have a conversation with? I'm like, besides my pay, besides my patience, uh, zero, you know, nobody. And you were like, but you need to at least talk to at least 15 men in a week. And in my head, I was like, that's a lot of work. And then you were like, if you're talking to the right kind of man and you have boundaries, you know, it's a 15-minute video call, you you're curating the call to what you enjoy, you're gonna enjoy this. And the thing is, you were saying this to me without me having even asked the question. Because in my head, I was like, oh, Tara's crazy. She wants me to do all this amount of calls, that's a lot of work. Men are draining. And then you kept on saying, but if you're also dating a certain caliber of men, that conversation is not draining. You're gonna enjoy it. And so, and then I was like, okay, I'm gonna at some point I'm gonna enjoy this video call. So we might as well start so I can get to that point where I enjoy them. But yeah, it's it's pretty interesting. I remember the one Saturday I didn't have a date and I wasn't taking myself out because I don't remember what the reason was. But I remember that Saturday, I scheduled six video calls on one Saturday, Torah. And I really thought that was crazy and it was gonna drain me out. But because there were 15-minute spark questions, we having fun, and afterwards, I'd be like, it was really nice that I gotta run. Um, literally. I enjoyed that. And even at the end of the day, I was like, wow, I can't believe I did six video calls. But I did six video calls with well-abled men who take care of their lives, who are not looking for someone to look after them. We had I directed the conversation to what I wanted to talk about, and so at the end, I was like, you know what, I I'm that girl, I'm that woman. So just changing your mindset from this is gonna drain me to this is gonna get me to where I want, so I might as well get started.
SPEAKER_02:You are that girl. Thank you. You are in fact that girl. And you became that girl when you decided that you were going to do the work to be that girl. We don't just wake up like this. It takes a lot of work. That's why it's all like it kind of like a little hurts my feelings when people say, How could what if we're not as magnetic as naturally magnetic like you, Torah? I'm like, this is not natural. This is all work. You you are that girl, and I'm just so proud of you. We have so much more work to do together. I'm so excited about the work that we will do together in the future. The caliber of men are gonna is gonna increase over the over the next few months of us working together. You are gonna become such a monster, and I can't I can't wait to see the monster that you become, such a beautiful monster. Thank you. What would you say to the women who's listening to this and thinking I could never do that or that's too much?
SPEAKER_01:That was my main fear with you, if you remember. You asked me what are you scared of, and I said, I'm scared that you give me homework and I won't be able to deliver. And I remember in our first working call, you're like, no, girl, I'm gonna go easy on you such that you'll be fine. I remember I erased that fear as well on the first call. Um, and I think the beautiful thing about this work is the more you work on yourself, your mindset shifts. So whatever you thought before the program, like, oh, this is a lot of work. In the end, you're like, no, I can streamline this. I have streamlined things that work, I can streamline my live life. So in the end, all your fears don't happen at all because you become a different woman in the program. So whatever fears you have now are based on that version of you. But wait until the new version of you comes. That version can handle anything. So you might as well start and so that you can get to be that woman. And at the end of the day, we've tried it all, right? We've we've like I followed you for a while, like from Clubhouse Days. I already had good results from the free stuff, but I did need this acceleration, right? I I did need this this space to become who I'm becoming. So you you you've listened long enough. You've had enough podcasts. You, you know, it's it's just time to just take the jump.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. What's one thing you wish you had known before starting this work?
SPEAKER_01:That I would change so quickly. I would have done it years ago. The first time I found you on Clubhouse, I should have signed up then. I I really wish I should have. But anyway, I guess I needed life's lessons to lead me to this part.
SPEAKER_02:Um Yeah, to really appreciate what you what you've been able to do now. Like really going through it and now experience what you've been experiencing.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:What would you tell the Oh, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead.
SPEAKER_01:I was just to say that my favorite part about this whole thing is it started off being about a man, and now it's just about me living the life that the most high wants me to have, an abundant life. And you know, uh I don't think I told you this, but like even on my desire list for the week, sometimes I put things that are like religious stuff, you know, you know, like Christianity stuff. And when they happen, I'm like, Lord, this is also stretching me so much in my own journey with you that at this moment I just love the woman I'm becoming more than I love the idea of the men. Listen, I enjoy the men, they're amazing. But this yeah, using Cheryl's favorite words, I am the love of my life, this yeah, this is it. I am loving like just the personal work on me as a person, you know, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Oh yeah. Your relationship with God should improve dramatically when you start this transformational work. It should improve dramatically. And I'm like really excited for uh for you for that. If the version of you who booked that sales call could see you now, the woman who said, I feel crazy for doing this, what would she think?
SPEAKER_01:She would be super proud that I still went through with it. So, Tara, um, there's a specific podcast where you were like, I only have two coaching calls left before the price goes up. That's what you said. And so that's when I booked my South Call. Because you're like, the price is going up, and I only have two private coaching calls left. And I was just like, you know what? As soon as that podcast was released, I signed up. I didn't even finish listening to the episode. I then signed up for the South Code based on that. Because I was like, listen, I can't afford it, right? She's going up. And we'll see whatever it costs. Because she's going up, and I already can't afford it, but she's going up, so I better do it now. And that version would be proud because as even as I was doing it, and my investment planner was listening to me cashing in this money. And you know, like when you translate it to runs, it's like a lot more, you know, sounds crazy. So he was just like of all the people that I have been their investment planner, you've always been the most stable one who makes good decisions. What's happening now? Wow. I need to pay for this before this lady goes up because I might never meet her level. And this might also just affect, you know, I know this money will come back at some point. And so she would be proud that I took that crazy step and I was just like, you know what, let's just do this, you know. Um, I'm gonna quote a Bible verse. There's this story in the Bible where these lepers are outside of the city, and the Israelites have been ambushed by somebody and they can't get in for food, and they're like, listen, we're gonna die either way. So either we go into the enemy's camp where there's food and they kill us, or we still go into the city to our people, but we're still gonna die. So either way, we're gonna die. So I was just like, either way, I'm gonna lose this money. So I might as well lose it to Torah. Let's just take it and go that way. And I'm so glad I did. Because there was nothing left to lose. Like I've been losing in my live life all along.
SPEAKER_02:Listen to me. Not the people thinking you was crazy. How much is how much was that in South African money? Close to a hundred thousand Rams. A hundred thousand Rams. I wonder what that what would that be in our dollars?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, it was it was crazy. Because also remember car problems, you need a car in your busy. Why is it saying fifty-eight thousand dollars? No, it's it's um what exchange rate did you use? It should it should be something. Oh no, sorry.
SPEAKER_02:I saw I sorry, I sorry. One uh, I did that wrong. I did that wrong. Hold on. One thousand one one thousand Rands, uh a hundred thousand rands. A hundred thousand. Girl, I I I'm gonna figure it out. It says five thousand, but it's supposed to, I wanted to know the effect of it. But anywho, because I had a woman pay me in rupees before.
SPEAKER_01:Um shruti. Yeah, I remember that.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, she paid me in rupees. I was like, dang. Um do you so do you feel like you couldn't afford it now?
SPEAKER_01:Oh no, I needed it. It was oxygen, I needed it. I was a life support. Listen, I needed it, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Look, and the price has doubled since you joined. That's why I had to remotion. It has definitely doubled. We're we're in a double digits charging at this point.
SPEAKER_01:And I'm very excited about it. You're definitely worth your money, hey, so I wouldn't complain.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Um, especially when we, like you said, when we look at the changes, not just to my love life, but also because even the self-coaching affects my work. I self-coach for my work. Um, when I'm spiraling about something uh in the team that I lead, I self-coach to say, am I being objective as a leader? Am I being objective as a manager? So you're definitely worth your money, girl.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, thank you. I appreciate you, Julia. And I'm so excited for our work because we got girl, we got a call this week. We're getting some work done. But yeah, if nobody takes anything from this episode, take do the work. Do the work, take the men off the pedestal. Stop, stop looking for the relationship and start looking for yourself, pedestalizing yourself. Whatever you want a man to be doing for you, you need to be doing for yourself three times over. You want consistency, you want him to put in the work, you need to do it for you first. Any last words, Juliet, before we head out?
SPEAKER_01:Um, the same way God loves you. Love yourself enough to do the work that would make you happy.
SPEAKER_02:That's so good. Thank you so much for coming out, Juliet. We love you. I begged you enough. I'm happy that you answered answered my begging. Uh, we'll we'll we'll definitely do a circle-round podcast for people to see where you're at at our end of time together next year. So I love you, girl. Thanks for coming out. Bye. Bye. All right, girl. That was the episode. I truly, truly hope that you were inspired by this episode and that you have received a whole level of encouragement to commit to your love life in a way that you never have before, so that you can have what you want. This is possible for you. No matter what you may be thinking, this is absolutely possible to have this kind of um experience, this kind of transformation with this level of commitment. And so I just I just want to encourage you. And also, if you've been thinking about doing this in 2026 and you would love some help and support, I have one-to-one spots available coming up in the new year. If you're interested in working with me in this capacity so that you can get results and not be like be on the sidelines watching other women get their results, book a sales call with me. Book a sales call. We will talk about what are your issues with men, what are your issues in your love life. I will give you a plan on the sales call, whether we work together or not. And then you can decide whether working with me is the best fit. And I can decide like, are we a good fit to work together? But you will never know unless you book the sales call. So, that being said, I will I will have the sales call link in the show notes, or you can book at the link in my bio on Instagram. And uh until next time, bye.