Date with Cents
Date with Cents
DWC REWIND: How I Fall In Love Without Getting Attached
Most dating advice says to guard your heart, stay unbothered, and avoid getting too emotionally involved.
But for me, true connection means being fully open and expressive—I fall in love without holding back, and I do it without getting attached.
In this episode, I share the mindset shifts and simple steps I follow to stay grounded and true to myself when I meet a new man I’m excited about.
Tune in to find out how I experience love in a way that’s both passionate and secure, letting me connect without losing myself.
Interested in working with me 1:1? Work with me to experience love in a way that’s open, exciting, and free from unhealthy attachment.
Book a sales call to learn more about private 1:1 coaching with me. Book a sales call HERE to speak with me.
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Learn the basics behind attracting quality men and what it takes to build a rotation. - The Cuffing Season Retreat Bundle.
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@torahcents
@curved2cuffed
Hey lover girl. Welcome back to the podcast. I'm super excited that you're able to join me once again for another week and another episode. And if you are new here, I'm your host, Taurus Sense, and I specialize in helping high achieving, unchurched women of faith attract high-quality men who serve and support them, as well as to move into uh romantic relationships that align with your goals, whether that is a committed relationship, engagement, marriage, whatever you want, girl, whatever your romantic constellation is, I'm here to help you get that. And I'm really excited about this episode. This wasn't this wasn't planned. This was something that I wanted to do. It was inspired by a reel that I made that went viral. And the reel was called How I Fall in Love Without Getting Attached. And I will add that in the show notes. It has about 1.3 million views. I think I got over like 7,000 followers because of that particular reel. And it's causing like a lot of conversation and commotion. And basically, in the reel, I talk about how I'm able to fall in love because I, whenever I have good feelings with a man, I don't I don't assign those feelings to him. If I feel, you know, excited about meeting a new guy, he's amazing, he's cultured, he's intelligent, he's, you know, um he's handsome, he's generous. I don't look at these men and say, oh, like he's the perfect man for me, or he's he's the reason why I'm feeling this way. I always point those experiences back to me and what I'm capable of doing and the types of men that I'm capable of attracting. And basically, I'm not actually falling in love with the men, I'm falling in love with myself. And I had no idea the the reel was gonna go that crazy. I didn't see it as a groundbreaking idea. Well, it's something I've been doing for years and teaching my clients for years, and I was like, oh, let me just share what I do. And it apparently it's blowing people's minds. So I'm really happy about that. Now, I I am kind of annoyed because there was a particular woman who I'm realizing a lot of my followers follow. Her name is Margarita Nazarenko. She posted a video on TikTok, and I'm not really on TikTok like that because you know my capacity for social media is very, very low as it is, and Instagram has predominantly like my attention. She posted um basically my concept, like five days later, four to five days later, on TikTok. And she went viral over there and she remixed it and she said she learned it by you know studying men. It's literally the concept I just shared. And um, I actually made some stories about it. I tagged her, I DMed her about it because people were, well, first of all, people were sending me the video. Um, they were like, Torah, do you know that this woman is, you know, sharing your concept? Did you know this? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And here's the thing: like, as a dating coach, I understand that there's no new subject under the sun. Like every subject, every topic is going to be talked about and rehashed. But perspectives on the topic itself, that is what um is unique to a person. And so she took the perspective on the topic that everyone has covered and presented it as her own. And when people were calling her out about it in her comment section, she went viral on TikTok and she went viral on Instagram. She changed her caption, and she's like, Oh, everyone has been telling me this concept came from Torah, who was brilliant, by the way. You know, um, will you come on the podcast? And I saw that and I was just like, I just reposted on my stories what she said. I say, Yeah, I'll be on the podcast, but here's the thing. I know she's not interested in having me on the podcast because if she was, she would have had uh her team reach out to me via email or DM. She simply just changed the caption to kind of like cover her ass and um and be able to keep up the video at the same time. And um, so yeah, and here's the thing people have been taking my perspectives and and concepts for years, and I have not made a big deal out of it, but this one just hit home because a lot of these larger creators will look at smaller creators like myself, take concepts, um, perspectives, remix them, and then get opportunities that we don't have access to, public relationship opportunities, um, brand opportunities because they are bigger. So that one kind of hit me hard. But anyhow, I'm not gonna delve too deep into that. I'll actually put both of our videos in the comment section and and you be the judge on it. This podcast isn't about that, but yeah, I figured I'd just I just share. Um, but yeah, let's talk about falling in love. Oh, y'all know if if you know me, if you listen to this podcast, if you watch my Instagram stories, I love falling in love. I I think I fall in love once a month at least. I enjoy it. It feels amazing to me to meet a new guy and just be head over heels and just feel all the butterflies and super excited where I'm calling on my friends and I'm like, oh my gosh, I just met him and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like, I love it. Feels so good to me. Um, but again, I also don't get attached to these guys. When it comes to falling in love, most dating advice you're gonna hear is don't like don't fall in love. You're gonna hear guard your heart or be unbothered or don't get emotionally involved with the guy. And yeah, that's that's not me at all. And here's the thing: people are always wondering and asking me, where are you meeting these men that are so expressive? Because I'll share screenshots of text messages, I will post interactions between me and men and my stories. And they're like, oh, they're not here in um in New York, they're not here in Georgia, they're not here. Like, where are you meeting these guys, Torah? And I'm like, I meet them everywhere. One of the reasons why I'm able to attract emotionally available, emotionally intelligent, emotionally expressive men is because I am extremely emotionally expressive. I am extremely emotionally open and transparent. I don't hold back my feelings or my emotions. I don't hold back my excitement about a man, my infatuation about a man, my lust for a man. I don't hold back any of that. Any man that I'm in love with, he knows ASAP, right? I don't care if it's been 24 hours or 48 hours. I let a man know I'm in love with him, ASAP. Okay. I will tell him, like, oh my gosh, I'm I'm so in love with you. Like, oh man. Um I'm I'm so into you. I'm so in love with you. Like, can I hold your hand? Can I give you a kiss? Can I do that? Like, um, I let them know I'm into them and they freaking love it. And what it does is it allows them to be expressive because they're like this girl, she she is, she doesn't fear this. I'm not gonna fear it. She feels safe expressing. I'm I feel safe expressing this with her. I don't feel like this is gonna be used against me or I'm gonna be taken advantage of because this woman is showing her true self to me. And that it's true, like I don't fear a man thinking a certain type of way or what would happen if I fell in love with him. I don't have any fear or concerns around that. Um, especially considering my standards and my boundaries and my requirements. Like, I don't have any fear around that. I don't have fear of my heart being broken either. I don't have fear. And I'm open to falling in love one week and then falling out of love the next, and I don't make a big deal. Like we make this big hurrah around, oh, I'm in love. This must mean something, and something has to happen because I I'm in love. Like nothing has to happen. I just, I'm just gonna be in love. I'm just gonna sit here in all of this love and I'm gonna express it and I'm gonna sh, I'm gonna talk about it. Um, I'm gonna share the emotions that I'm having with my friends, with um family, with the man. I'm gonna share, and I'm not gonna make it a big deal. This is why my friends, my family, like they don't be tripping when I call them about a new man. Like, they don't do that because they already know, like Torah is feeling this way, and this is how she usually does things. It's not like, oh, Torah's actually gonna, you know, marry this man or move forward. Torah just likes to fall in love. Torah likes to feel good, and I love it. And same goes with my friends, right? And especially like a lot of my friends I have coached, like they used to be clients of mine. And so they also have a lifestyle of falling in love where they'll just I I'm actually gonna share my story screenshots of my friends that I get on a weekly basis of them meeting new men and sharing photos of new men. And then next time I hear from them, they're like, Oh yeah, he's not in the picture anymore, but I love him now, you know? And we don't make it a big deal of them like consistently falling in love over and over again, them saying, Oh yeah, he wasn't a good fit, but I'm in love again this week. And I'm in love again this week. Oh my gosh, I think he, you know, um, he's somebody I am absolutely adoring right now. We don't make that a big deal. I just expect those text messages. They expect them from me. And we just swap gush reports. And gush reports are basically conversations that you have with other people about how in love you are with the man or how excited you are about a man. I love gush reports. So today I'm gonna share three important principles that I follow so that I fall in love without getting attached to a man. But first, I want to define what attachment is. When I fall in love, I create an emotional bond with these men, like really close emotional bond. I am developing a connection with them, I'm feeling super close to them because we are building this emotional connection, but I'm not attached to them. Meaning that I do not need them to feel emotionally regulated, I do not need them to feel worthy of love. Now, here's the thing: you are attached when you need to have regular constant contact with the man, or you're gonna feel some type of way. You're gonna feel anxiety, right? So if I'm not in contact, consistent contact with the man, like I'm fine, right? And that that doesn't mean that I don't have like an initial feeling of, oh my gosh, what's happening? It means that when that feeling comes up, it's like feedback. Um, and I'll talk about that a little bit later. But if a man is not showing up for me and our communication styles don't work, it doesn't lead to anxiety. It just leads to, oh, this isn't a good fit. That's what it leads to. It's like, oh, this is just not a good fit. But if you feel anxiety about not hearing from a guy, um, if you are overthinking what you don't hear from a guy, that is attachment. Okay. Attachment is when you don't express your true thoughts or feelings to a man out of fear of being judged, whether they're good feelings or bad feelings, whether you want to express excitement or or disappointment. If you don't want to express those true thoughts or feelings out of fear of being judged or criticized or, you know, being looked at a certain way, you're attacked. Because you need, you need to control the circumstances so you feel good, right? You're not willing to feel um, like you need to feel good. And so that's why you keep these circumstances intact. You're attached if you avoid conflict because you don't want to upset the person or you don't want to cause them to walk away or to pull away. If you're avoiding nailing things to the wall, like for example, I remember I had a client where this guy, you know, he said he was gonna take her out on a date, they were gonna plan something, they were gonna do some things together. And uh he at the first of all, he did not call. And then when she reached out to him, he was like, Oh, I forgot, you know, I had the kids with me this weekend. And when he came back and was like asked, like he came back and was like, Good morning, she just was saying good morning back. And I'm like, why did you let that go? Like, why didn't you nail that to the wall? Can you explain why didn't you do that? And she was just like, Oh, I just didn't, you know, I didn't want to come off like I'm nitpicking or I, you know, I really like him. And I was like, This is attachment. This is attachment, right? When you don't nail things to the wall when men are showing up in ways that are a no-no for you. No. When you stick around for the potential of the relationship, not for the reality of the relationship. So for example, he, you know, like you know he's a good catch, right? Maybe, shoot, maybe he, you know, has a great career, high security clearance, right? If he's working in DC, right? He is, you know, very cultured, very intelligent. Um, he got his money together. And you're like, oh man, like we could be good together, right? He's just the level of attractive attractiveness you want, but you know, he's not planning dates. He is not consistent in how he's showing up as a man, but you're thinking of all the potential that could happen and not the reality, you're attached. You're looking at all the ways you're like that he could be good and y'all could have a good relationship if he just did that, if he just showed up here, if he just planned dates and baby, no, that's attachment. That's very unhealthy. If you if you fear losing the person, right? And it leads to you self-abandoning yourself, and self-abandonment might look like ignoring red flags, it might look like changing plans just to fit his. It might look like crossing your own boundaries because you fear losing the person, right? So if you fear losing the person and it leads to your self-abandonment, that's attachment. Like I want this person so bad, I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be nice, nicer than I usually would be. And um, that means that I might not go to the gym because I want to hang out with him. That might mean I am going to allow him to cancel three dates, even though that is outside of my my my boundaries. If you fear losing this person, you are attached. Now, there's nothing wrong with you know not wanting someone to leave and be disappointed because if any man in my rotation walked away from me, I would be very disappointed. But I don't fear them, I don't fear losing them. I don't, if they walk away from me, I don't fear them walking away. Okay, I don't want them to go, but I don't fear their loss. So now that we have defined what attachment is in this context, here are the three principles for how I'm able to fall in love without getting attached. The first principle is I don't give men credit for what I create. Every good feeling I have with a man, I know I created it. Every level of excitement that I have, I created that excitement. The joy that I have, excitement, the anticipation I have, excitement, the security I feel, excitement, the safety, excitement. We think that men causes us to feel these this way, but it's not true. No man has the power to make you feel anything. The only reason why you feel this way is because of the thoughts that you're having about the man. You feel excited because you see that this man is planning dates, he's being consistent. You're like, oh, I love consistency. Oh, I love a man who plans dates. That is what causes the excitement. The joy that you have with him, the joy of, you know, the way he's been showing up for you, or of the conversations that you're having. You love the topics of the conversation, you love his voice, you love how he smells. You're thinking about those things in a certain way, and that makes you feel joyful. It has nothing to do with the man, it has everything to do with your thoughts. If it was the man, then every single woman who comes in contact with that same man will have the same emotion. And that's not the truth. Every woman has different experiences with the man because of her perception, her thoughts, her beliefs, that will cause her to project and and have different emotions about a man. Okay. So, and I always I I love teaching this concept in a very extreme way to clients. I'm like, hey, if you found out that this man, because they're like, Oh, I'm I'm stuck on my ex. I think I'm stuck on my ex. And I'm like, if you found out that your ex sexually assaulted three little girls under the age of 10, would you still be stuck on him? She'll be like, no, I would never. I'm like, okay, that's how you know that a man does not cause your emotions, because if he did, there's nothing you would be able to do to change your feelings. You changed your feelings. Now your feelings is feelings of disgust, hurt, probably hate, because now you're thinking those thoughts. Your core value, your value system values those girls, values morality more than it values that man. And that's why your feelings have changed. You created the feeling at the end of the day. It has nothing to do with the man. So I never give men credit for what I create. If I'm if I get excited around a man, that man is not the source of my excitement. Okay, and I understand that. So I know that if he leaves, I could create that with somebody else. Okay. Every interaction I have with him, I also created. Meeting him, I created it. You guys have heard me tell stories of how I've met the men in my rotation. I did that. I showed up, I set an intention. I I followed them, like two of them I followed. I decided to get on a dating app. I did that. I created that. He didn't do it, I did it. The amazing conversations that we're having, I created it. I'm the one that manifested this conversation. I'm the one who decided that I wanted to have it and how I wanted it to go. I created it. If a man takes me on trips, buys me gifts, pays bills, supports me uh emotionally and um mentally during tough times, I created that too. I created an environment where I'm such an amazing woman, where I have I've created such an abundance um mindset in my life. I've done so much personal development. I have treated dating like a spiritual practice. I created this. Not the city I met this man on, not the dating app, not him. I did it. I did all of that. And the reason why he wants to invest in me is because I invest in myself. The reason why Why he wants to show up for me is because I show up for myself. The reason why he's obsessed with me is because I am unapologetically obsessed with my damn self. I've created every single interaction. He doesn't get the credit for that, all the hard work that I've done. And so therefore, I can't ever get attached to one man because I know that I created it. He can never get the credit. Okay. So that's number one. The second principle of how I fall in love without getting attached is I frame my feelings as feedback, not as footsteps to follow. So what that means is I do not allow my feelings to dictate any of my actions, right? So when most women, you know, get excited about a man, it leads her to taking action. So she's like, oh, I'm so excited. I'm going to talk on the phone for hours now. Well, I'm so excited. I'm going to go exclusive with him. And I'm so excited about him that I'm going to do this and I'm going to have sex and I'm going to do that and I'm going to do that. Like, I don't, I don't allow my feelings to dictate my actions. Right? I feel the excitement in my body, right? I'm in love. I feel the excitement. I feel the butterflies. And then I ask myself, why am I excited? Torah, why are you excited? For example, Front Runner, I get excited because he plans the most creative dates, right? And my thought process is like, wow, like this man, he has the most creative dates. I love going on the dates that he has for me. And I'm excited about that. Like that's why I'm excited. Um, we talk about Saudi, right? He's extremely cultured. He's a very multifaceted man. He has a lot of um uh global experiences that are very, very valuable. And I get excited about that, right? I'm like, I ask myself, why are you excited? Oh, I'm excited about that. Or Big Body Bince, aka Cameroon. Like, he's extremely disciplined. Oh, it's such a turn on. I'm like, oh, you run seven miles every single morning, even in the cold, even when your head hurts, right? Even like you do this every single morning. Oh, you're on the same meal plan every day to build your muscle. Oh my gosh, let me get up and do this mobility workout because you're up doing it. You're at 5:30 in the morning doing it. Like, listen, it's it's it inspires me. Like, I'm excited about it. I I don't allow my feelings to dictate actions to be like, now, since they do all those things, we need to be together. Like, I I don't do that. And it's so interesting because these men will ask me, they'll say, Okay, well, you know, I'm like, how can you love me so much? How can you be so in love with me, but you're not my woman? And I'm like, because being your woman requires other things. Me having feelings doesn't require anything but vibrations in my body. But being your woman requires me to be responsible for for the relationship for you. Um, it requires for me to take on certain things, it requires for me to have a good understanding of who you are as a man over time. It requires for me to understand that you live by your core values, not just during now, but like down the line. It requires for me to know how you respond to stress, right? Like me and you ain't even gotten an argument yet. And you want to lock me down? I have not seen you under pressure. You want to lock me down? Like, sir, you you don't even know what things look like. I I don't know what it looks like. So therefore, no, absolutely not. And but I still I'm in love with you, though. Can we do kissy faces at each other, right? Can we hug and can you rub my feet? Can we do these things? But as far as becoming your partner and going exclusive, no, no, no, my emotions do not lead me there. I have I have ration. I had one guy, he was like, you know, I actually really, this is the first time I've ever dated a woman where I'm able to deeply connect with her and feel deeply in love with her and not take it to the next level. He said, This is very interesting. He's like, I don't understand how you can be so emotional and rational at the same time. And I said, Because emotions are not um there it's not one or the other. There needs to be an integrated balance. Like I have a healthy balance of my feminine and masculine, and I use it accordingly. When I feel accepted when I'm in love, I ask myself why? I don't say, oh, I feel accepted. This might be the one. This must be the one. He's my husband, he's this. I just, I'm like, oh, I feel accepted because I get to be myself in this connection. I get to be free in this connection. They love the fact that I pull dance and they love the fact, like I'm telling, I don't know why, but I end up dating men who are religious, religious, be going to church every week. I don't do that, right? I don't I don't remember the last time I've been to church. These men faithfully go, right? And they let me be me. They let me be me, they support me. Um, and I'm not religious like them. And I get to be myself. And so the focus is not on, oh my gosh, I love being with him because he accepts me for who I am. I'm like, oh, I'm in love with him because I get to be myself. It's not because of him per se, but there is something about this interaction where I get to be myself. So now I need to work on exploring more of being myself in general. If being it, if I feel in love because I get to be myself, it's not about the man. It's about maybe this particular man made it easier for me to be myself, but this is feedback. This is feedback like Torah, you need to figure out how to be more of yourself in general, right? That is why you're actually in love. It's not because of this man, it's because of how you feel when you're with this man. Or if I'm inspired, if I feel inspired, I ask myself, okay, you're in love and you feel inspired. Why? Well, maybe, you know, like for example, Frontrunner, he has a six-figure portfolio. He's not even 30 yet. That's inspiring. Like, how did you do this, sir? Like, how did you do this? You're not even 30 years old, you have a six-figure investment portfolio. And that inspires me, right? Because I'm almost I'm 37 years old. And so I'm inspired to be like, not like, oh, he has a six-figure portfolio and he has it, he's good with his money. He's make a, he's gonna be my husband. It's like, oh, like he inspired something in me, something that I want to tap into. How do I get my money at the place where it looks like his? How do I get a portfolio like that? And so now I'm in like money programs, um, and I plan on joining like a wealth, a seven-figure wealth program with my money coach in order to help me get to that point because I'm inspired, but I don't make that to mean like, oh, he's such a he's so amazing. We need to be together. No, I'm inspired by that. That means I need to work on me. And when I look at Saudi, and he has a solid network, he's well connected globally, all over the world, right? Everywhere he goes, he gets the VIP treatment because he's built so many different relationships in different states, cities, countries, continents. And I'm inspired. I'm like, okay, I even ask him questions like, okay, like me building my network and my connections and things like that. I don't think, oh, I'm, you know, because he's well connected, I need to be with him. Like, oh, how do you create this for yourself, Tor? Because obviously he sparked something in you that was dormant that you need to really work on, especially as an introvert. Like, you need to really work on this. And he's an introvert too, but he has a solid network. Um, and if we talk about uh Big Body Benz, I'm I'm so inspired by his um his ability to commit to his plans. Like he does it very, very quickly. He says one thing and he gets it done very, very quickly. I'm like, wow, you did that already? He was like, yeah, I I love his commitment to health. Like this man goes all the way out to a farm just to pick eggs, like just to get eggs. Everything's organic, right? Um, he'll go get a fresh goat, right, and chop it up. Like, I'm just I'm inspired by that. And I don't make, and even though like health is and wellness is like one of my core values, I don't make that to me like, oh, we have the same core value. So therefore, that means that you're the one. It's like, no, I actually value this now. How can I show up better in my life for my health and my wellness? How can I have better foods? How can I take my supplements? Like, how can I do that? And again, it I don't use my feelings to take action to move forward with these men. I take my feelings to mean what am I, what do I need to take care of about myself? What do I need to infuse into my own life that has me feeling really good with these men? Like, what do I need to do with these feelings? Like, it's all about me of what I need to do and how I need to show up. And I think it like we think it's about the man and how he shows up, but it's really how we perceive ourselves when we're with these men. And I don't attach it to mean like, oh, I have to have this man. It's like, wow, this man brought this to my life. It's something that I need for myself. Let me check my feelings. Why do I feel this way? Oh, this is why I feel this way. Let me cater to me. So if any of these men leave, I know what they left me with. And I can go and fall in love with another guy, right? It's not a big deal. Um, I don't there's no scarcity around all of that. Because I number one, I understand I don't give men credit for what I've created. And number two, my feelings are feedback, not footsteps to follow behind a man. And the third principle I follow is I focus on follow-through, not fantasy. Don't get me wrong. I love daydreaming about a man. I love daydreaming about being in his arms, about me taking taking me on trips, about us playing dates, about us kissing. Like I just I daydream, I love that, but I don't get lost in it. I don't get lost. It's it's kind of like, you know, I'm I'm I'm watching my own television show and then I turn the TV off. I don't think that I'm a part of a virtual reality game. Like I'm I I get lost in it. Like I'm this is real. It's like, oh yeah, let me turn, I'm I'm watching TV and let me turn it off. Thing is, like I said, I focus on follow through, not the fantasy. So right, the fantasy is like what we can do in the future, what we're going to do in the future. Like that's fantasy. But I only choose to stay based upon how someone regularly shows up in my life. Not their potential to show up in my life. Like these men have the potential to show up in my life in certain ways, but I'm only gonna stay based upon how what they're currently doing. So it means that I'm willing to walk away when I realize that they're not showing up that's in a way that's in alignment with me. Um, for example, I've walked away from Frontrunner before, right? And this is a man who got me a house, he's paid my bills for a year. I mean, he's he created like the ultimate outside playground for me. I and I didn't care when I felt like he couldn't show up where he wasn't able to show up. I walked away. I remember, I remember him feeling he felt closed off. I noticed, like after a time of being together, I got I got sick like a couple times. And it felt like he didn't have the capacity for it. Right? It felt like he didn't know what to do with that. And all the amazing things he's done for me, like he didn't have the capacity. I'm like, that's the most important thing, like my health and wellness. Like, I understand like you showing up for me and helping me after I left my marriage and uh really like giving me a soft place to land. But sir, when I'm sick, I'm gonna requ I require some care. And he didn't have capacity it didn't feel like he had capacity for it. And I walked away. I was like, hey, I you know, I can't do this, right? Because I I feel like you don't have the capacity for it. And I told him I'm not available for to connect. And one of the places I told him, I was like, you need to go to therapy. And I'm not, I'm not gonna consider us reconnecting until you do that. And he went and he got therapy. He went and he was attending therapy every week, right? And so we were able to reconnect. But I was willing to walk away. I didn't think about oh, what the potential could be if we, you know, all these things he did for me in the past, and I'm holding on to that potential, what we can have in the future. It's like, look, this is what I have in front of me, and sir, I'm not with it. I'm walking away, I'm gone. Right? And now he knows that he can't even afford not to show up. Like he doesn't slack, he doesn't, like he's now he's he's not closed off at all. Like whenever I'm on my cycle, he makes sure that I'm well taken care of and that I have all my munchies and that um I'm not like how can he help alleviate my pain? Like he's opened up around that because of the work that he's chosen to do. But it was only because, like, he know, like I'm I'm gonna walk away, sir. So you have to step up to my level or I gotta get out of here. I'm willing to walk away, not attached. Now, I that doesn't mean that I wasn't crying and disappointed. You're gonna cry, you're gonna be upset, but I'm not gonna be attached to where I'm gonna stay somewhere where things are not in alignment. And the reason why we can't let go of a man when it's time is because we're gripping towards a fantasy that doesn't exist. We're not looking at follow-through. Is he following through? Is he following through? That shit ain't real, okay? Fantasy is not real, it's simply, you know, what we want to happen, what we can see happening. It's not real, which is why we're stuck on our exes, we're stuck on situationships, we're stuck on crushes, uh crushes because of a fantasy we've created in our own heads. We're also stuck on past behavior. So I can just imagine if I'm like, man, this man has done so well, got me a house, you know, paid all my bills, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, I can't just walk away now. He's he can come back and be better. Like, no, hell no. The past is the past, right? What the scriptures say about who he who endures to the end? It said, endures to the end, not halfway, not to uh a half point or three-fourths, not to seven-eighths of the way, it says he who endures to the end. So, sir, you gotta endure to the end. I don't care about that past behavior, I don't care how good you were to me in the past. If you stop showing up, I am not loyal to the past behavior. You have to consistently show up for me. So my focus is always on follow-up. What are you doing now? Like, I'm in love with you, but what are you doing now? I'm in love with you. Are you no longer planning dates though? Oh, sir, you you I brought it up to you that you're not planning dates and I need to have dates planned. Whoa, I gotta walk away. I'm in love with you, but you're not you're no longer holding space for me. I get it. I'm we're not aligned. Okay. I'm in love with you, but you're making excuses as to why you can't show up for me for whatever reason. I'm in love with you, but I gotta walk away. Like I'm I'm just I'm just gonna do a it's a funny story. I walked away from Front Runner a couple times. Um, you know, he again he's religious, but he he went through a period of super religiousness. Uh sometimes I I I you know anywho, he he goes, he he went through this period of he had a dream basically. He had a dream, and it caused him to have some type of I don't know, some he basically started um saying he has to let go all the things of the world and he can't do anything, all these things of the world, and he has to dedicate his days to the Lord, and that requires like when we would connect, he would only he would only have Bible conversations with me. And I told him, I said, Listen, listen, I'm not finna debate theology with you every time I meet with you. Like, we're we're not gonna do this. And there was one time I was like, Hey, I would love for you to take me to the Michael Jackson, there was this Michael Jackson um play that I wanted to see that it reimagined Michael Jackson at each stage, it's each stage of his life. And this man told me, talking about, oh no, I don't want to do with the the secular stuff, and it's not of God. And you know, I said, you know what? You know what, sir, I've been I I've been really patient with you and and and all of your religious revelations and you trying to figure out your theology and stuff, but I think this is where we end, because not only are we having religious debates every time I see you, right? And debating scripture every time I see you, but now you're talking about you're not gonna take me on dates because of secular. All of our dates are secular, sir. I'm not doing this with you. So you I'm you need to go find a woman who wants to be this religious with you. Don't get me wrong. I love the fact that you're exploring, but I just I don't have the capacity for it, right? And I was willing to walk away. Now people might be like, oh, Torah that's a bad reason to walk away. No, it's a really good reason because I don't value that's not what I value. It's out of alignment. And I don't care how in love I am with you, if I notice we're out of alignment core value-wise, because that's the core value of it, it was, right? He's not there anymore. Like he's he's mellowed out, he's he's not there. But that's out of alignment for me. It's self-abandonment for me to stay there because I have feelings. I'm like, if you're not able to show up in a way that aligns with my my core values, then what what are we doing here? Um I'm in love with you, but you're but you're not able to align with my core values anymore. Um, I have to walk away. You know? I have to do it. So those are my three principles that I stick by. I stand by all of it. And this is how I'm able to fall deeply in love with men and not be attached. I'm able to form emotional connections, build trust and intimacy, and allow myself to walk away. Again, doesn't mean I'm not disappointed, doesn't mean I'm not sad, doesn't mean I don't cry about it. It just simply means that I do not make a decision to stay or stick around or entertain a man when it's out of alignment with who I am. And I do it by number one, I don't give men credit for what I create. I create my own emotions and I create meeting these men. I create the interactions I have with these men. I don't give men credit for this. I am the creator of all of this. This is my universe, my world, and my reality that I have created for myself, right? And when and when you learn to create your own reality, you won't have to worry about it either. I also frame my feelings as feedback, not footsteps that I follow. If I feel excitement, if I feel joy, if I feel peace, security, stability, I understand. Okay, what why do I feel this way? Oh, why do I feel secure? Why do I feel stable? Oh, this is why. It's because of this. It's not because of a man, it's really uh because of me and what I desire and what do I want for my life? And it has nothing to do with the man, and so that's why I don't make take action off of. My feelings. And I also focus on follow through, not fantasy. If are you still showing up for me? Or am I looking at potential to show up for me? I don't I don't go by potential, so you either need to show up for me or not. Or I'm gonna walk away. All right. Um, and I wasn't always in this space, I wasn't always here, but I've done a lot of work for myself. I've I've I've I've done all of this work and I practice it on a regular basis and I help other women do the same so that they're able to fall deeply in love, which is why my friends are able to do it, right? Which is why um, which is why my clients are able to do it. And if you want to learn how to really enjoy men and to fall in love over and over and over and over again, like right, you can have a breakup one weekend and the next week you're good to go. I would encourage you to work with me, girl. Like work with me. Book a one-to-one um sales call with me, and let's talk about what it would look like to work together over the next six months. Let's come up with a plan of what we will do together if we work together over the next six months. So you can book your sales call by the link in the show notes, or you can book your call by going to my Instagram, by hitting the link in my bio. We're gonna have a conversation about what's happening with you, and then you know what I can do to help move you forward and make progress. And uh, I know you enjoyed this episode because it was a really great one. It's a really good one. If you do, please go ahead and leave a review. Shout out to all of you ladies who have been leaving a review. Um, I read every single one, I appreciate every single one of them. So if you're able to leave a review, please do. It helps us in the algorithm. And um, until next time, my love, love a girl. Bye.