How To Go From No Dates To A Wedding Date In A Year

It's January and you've probably already had the thought: "I want this to be the year I get engaged" Maybe you said that last year too….and the year before that. Every December you look back and nothing really changed. You went on a few dates, maybe talked to a few guys, maybe had something that felt like it was going somewhere and then it just... didn't.

In this episode, I'm giving you the complete 6-step plan to go from where you are right now to engaged by the end of the year. You'll discover why what you've been doing isn't working (hint: it's not bad luck or "the men in your city"), the one skill you need to focus on that's actually holding you back, and how to date multiple quality men without getting attached while letting the right one prove himself over time.

Ready to stop hoping things will magically work out and start following an actual plan? Listen now to get your 6-step roadmap.

Book a sales call HERE to learn more about private 1:1 coaching with me.

Follow me on Instagram for more dating gems at: 

@torahcents 

@curved2cuffed 

Chapters

• 0:00 Why A Plan Beats Hoping
• 2:37 The Year-End Engagement Goal
• 6:30 Mindset Myths And Excuses
• 8:53 Step 1: Design Your Love Life
• 15:20 Define Your Ideal Man With Precision
• 20:32 Step 2: Tell The Truth About Now
• 27:00 Pick One Skill To Close The Gap
• 29:52 Step 3: Build A Dating Pipeline
• 37:10 Daily And Weekly Actions That Stick
• 42:00 Step 4: Date For Practice, Not Pressure
• 50:20 Spot Patterns And Sharpen Standards
• 55:20 Step 5: Decline What Doesn’t Align
• 1:02:30 Clean Rotations And Real Boundaries

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

What's up, love a girl? Welcome back to the Date with Sense podcast. I'm so happy that you're here. I have been getting lots and lots of uh questions from clients, private clients, clients in C2C about my last podcast episode. It is definitely an episode that people have been really, really inspired by, but also like lots of questions to like clarify some of the things that I've said in the episode, and then also to kind of get some ideas for their own goals this year after listening to that particular episode. And so I've been having a lot of fun answering those questions. And this episode is actually inspired by one of the clients who she didn't actually have a question about my podcast episode, but it was like piggybacking. Uh she piggybacked after another client was asking questions, and she was just like, hey, Torah, I hear what your goals are. And I know that you're not trying to be married this year, but I'm trying to be married. You know, I'm trying to be engaged. And I'm like, okay, yeah. Like I'm here to support you and whatever you want to do. I'm here to help you get whatever you want to have. And she's just like, you know, how can I get there this year? Because, you know, I really want to focus on that this year. And I'm like, hey, if I were you, like I would be who called me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 1:39

What was the dream, baby? Somebody stole my tools. Somebody stole your what?

SPEAKER_00: 1:50

If you don't get the hell off my line, get the hell off my you get off on my podcast and you talking about somebody stole your tools. I was just like, oh, he calling, something must be up. Bye. Okay, yeah, back to what I was saying. If I wanted to be engaged by the end of the year, I would be so extreme. I would put together the the plan laid out for me. Well, I would lay out my own plan, and I would be so extreme with that plan. And uh I'm like, okay, let me go ahead and make a podcast episode about this, right? Especially for those of you who have big relationship goals this year, who have who like who really want a big transformation because it is January, it's a new year, and you've probably already had the thought, like, I want this to be my year. And, you know, maybe like you said that last year too. You know, I want this to be the year of my relationship, I want this to be the year that I finally get engaged in the year before that, right? But every December you look back and nothing has really changed. You may have been on a few dates, you maybe talked to a couple guys, you maybe have had something that felt like it was going somewhere and then it just didn't. And now you're starting another year in the same place. Single, frustrated, wondering if things will ever actually change, still attracting the same kind of men. And what I want you to know is it is possible to go where you are right now to engage by the end of the year, even if you have a non-existent love life, even if you haven't dated for years. I have helped people go from no dates to a wedding date in a year, not just engage, a whole wedding date. I've been to those weddings. Okay, I've helped people do this. The thing is, it's not by the way that you've been doing it, you need a plan, girl. And that's what I'm gonna give you today. So this episode is for the woman who wants to be engaged by December this year. But if your goal is just simply a committed relationship or even just a consistent dating life with high quality, high-caliber men, this framework still applies. You just apply to that goal. The steps are the same, you just decide how far down the path that you want to go. Okay. Now, what I see most women doing is I see them saying, Oh, I want a relationship. Um, and they think about it. They think a lot about it. They even pray about it, they journal about it, they talk to their therapists about it, they talk to their friends about it, they vent about it on social media, they share memes about it, but their actual behavior doesn't even match that desire. Okay, because while you're talking about, you know, while you're thinking about it, while you're praying about it, while you're journaling about it, you are not taking daily, weekly actions towards it. You are not setting a clear direction on how to achieve it for yourself, the same way you accomplish other things in your life. You think that this is different and it's not. Okay? People are like, well, Torah, it is different because I can't control myself being in a relationship. I'm like, yeah, you can't. The same way you like the thing is, you don't think that way when it comes to getting hired at a job. I can't control whether I get a job or not because a person has to hire me. Yeah, but you do all the things to get hired. You do all the things to get liked. You do all the things to establish a connection with hiring manager. You gotta do the same thing here. Okay, some of y'all are on apps, but you're deleting them every two weeks. Every time you get upset and frustrated instead of learning the skill. Some of you guys are going out, but you're going out to the wrong places, or you're putting yours you're you're putting yourself out there, but then you don't engage when you get there. Maybe you went on a date two months ago and you're just still stuck on that guy, even though he really did not add real tangible value to your life. He was just probably 6'5, you know, very attractive, very handsome, and said some good things to you. Okay. Or you probably are dating, but it's been very chaotic. Talking to men who aren't even your type, but you just like the attention. Right? You're talking to men who aren't serious, but you like the attention. You're giving chances to guys who haven't earned them because you like the attention. You spend three months with somebody and realize that you know this man is never gonna commit, but you like the attention. Either way, the result is the same. Another year passes and you're not closer to what you want. And what the part that nobody wants to hear is that it ain't got shit to do with the men in your city. It ain't got shit to do with God's timing. It ain't got shit to do with the fact that, you know, the men in your city prefer a different, uh certain aesthetic and you don't have that aesthetic, or you're older, right? Or you're two plus size, or you're a single mom, it ain't got nothing to do with that, right? That that gives us excuses. It's a lack of strategy. No matter where you're at, you need a strategy. No matter if you're a single mom, you need a single mom strategy, right? If you're a dark-skinned woman living in LA, you need that strategy for you. You need a specific kind of strategy. Okay? If you're an older woman dating, right, in your 50s and your 60s, maybe 70s, you need a different kind of strategy. The same way you would apply if you would apply a different strategy if you were applying for school at that age or applying for a job at that age. Like you just need a different kind of strategy. You wouldn't try to get a promotion by just showing up and hoping someone likes you or notices you. You wouldn't try to go to get a job by just showing up and hoping you're liked. Okay? But with dating, we think we can just wait and hope and it magically works out because it won't, girl. Not without a plan. So I'm gonna give you six steps to getting engaged by the end of the year or whatever romantic constellation you want, girl. Step one, designing the love life that you want. Design the love life that you want. This is going to help you stop all the random things that you are doing, the dating randomly, and start dating with direction. Most women have not even actually done this step. They have this vague idea of like, oh, I want to be married, I want a good man, I want a man of God, but they haven't really defined what they're building. And when you skip this step, you say yes to everything, or you say no to the things you need to say yes to, and you waste time, a lot of time, on things that are not working for you. Okay. So when you design the life that you want, the first thing that you want to do is like you want to decide what the next 90 days looks like. Okay. One of the things that you need to do is you need to ask yourself, like, how often are you dating? Are you dating once a week? Twice a week? How do you want men to show up for you? Right? Do you want men to be taking like planning uh dates 48 hours in advance? Do you want men to be taking you out on delicious dates? Like, how do you want them to show up for you? Do you want them to provide uh support for you or to bring gifts to you? Like, what do you want? How do you want to feel about yourself during this process? Do you want to feel calm? Do you want to feel confident? Do you want to feel excited? Uh, instead of anxious, like, how do you want to feel? How do you want to feel about men? You want to feel open and curious instead of guarded or distrustful or bitter? Like, how do you want to feel about men? Excited about the men? And like, what do you want to believe about yourself? Some of you guys are not going after what you want while dating is because you have a hard time believing that you're desirable. Or you have a hard time believing that the kind of man that you want would want you because you're at a certain stage in your life where, you know, maybe um, maybe I'm not making the kind of money that I want to make, or maybe I'm not the size that I want to be in. So the belief is that we're not currently desirable enough. Okay. What do you want to believe about yourself? That you're capable, that you can do this, that quality men are looking for you. They just have not found you yet. And what do you what do you want to believe about men? That they exist in your city, that they're looking for someone like you? Right? So I want you to decide what the next 90 days will look like, like how you want it to look like, and decide that. In um my program, Curve to Cove C2C, there is a like we have like a whole training on how to like future cast 90 days out so that you can reach your 90-day vision. We we make the vision plain and then we go after the vision. And it's been a beautiful experience having ladies come back like 90 days later, like, look, I I actually feel like this. This is something that I had for myself 90 days ago, and now I'm actually feeling like this woman. I'm actually attracting these kinds of men, but they future cast it first, they decided what their 90 days were gonna look like. And after you figure out what your 90 days look like, you got to decide what you want a year from now. Do you want to be engaged? Do you want to be in a committed, exclusive relationship? Do you want to be dating two or three quality men seriously? Like, what does success actually look like for you? Not thinking about what your mom wants for you, your church wants for you, your friends want for you, because uh we have learned to kind of date and be romantic, like make our romantic choices based upon what others think we should be doing, versus thinking, like, what do I actually want for myself? What micro uh goals do you want to have accomplished? Maybe it's oh, in 90 days, I want to have gone on, you know, 15 dates. You know, I want to have gone on 10 dates, or I want to have learned how to communicate my needs, or I want to learn how to have how to actually communicate and execute the consequences for my boundaries being crossed. What does that look like? Because you want your short-term goals, you want your short-term vision, like the 90 days, and then you want your long-term vision. And the reason why you want both is because you need the short-term in order to feel in order to like have markers to where you know that you're making progress towards your long-term vision. 90 days you need to be able to reassess every 90 days, which is ever like once a quarter. Am I on the right track to my long-term goal of like being engaged or being in my relationship? And most people are not looking at their life that way, right? They know how to look at their jobs that way, their career that way, their business that way. Like, oh, am I on track to you know, making the uh making my 100K this year in my business? I'm at I'm in I'm in quarter two. Am I on track? We're not actually doing that in our love lives. And then after you decide what one year looks like from now, describe the ideal man, his lifestyle, his behaviors, his traits, right? What does he earn? What kind of work does he do? How does he spend his free time? What kind of friends does he have? How does he approach health and fitness? Where does he live? How does he manage his money? Does he plan dates? Right? Is he following through? Is he consistent with this uh communication?

unknown: 14:01

Right?

SPEAKER_00: 14:01

Is he generous with his time and attention? Right? Is he ambitious? What values does he hold? And most women, when we think about our man, we're like, oh, we we want we want a uh a tall, funny man who loves deep conversations, a man who loves Jesus. But we really want to get down to the nitty, nitty gritty. And that's one of the reasons why in Curve to Cuff we have what I call like the quality man finder. And the qual, well, first of all, before I get to the quality man finder, the whole reason why we need to describe our ideal man is not because we're gonna end up with this exact cookie cutter man. It gives us a map on how to show up. Because if we don't know who we are, quote unquote targeting, we don't know how to show up. It's the same way when we think about business, when we think about our careers and we're client-facing, we don't think about how we want to show up. We think about how the client wants us to show up. So we wear a certain kind of outfit. Like you'll like I used to work at global CPA firms, and when it was time to go see a client, we had to dress a certain kind of way. We just couldn't dress any kind of way because the client preferred a certain kind of look. Okay. Or if we wanted to get new clients on board, we had to go to certain kind of events. We couldn't just go anywhere. We couldn't just show up at a random gas station thinking we were gonna land a client. We just couldn't show up at every like every event, every networking event. We had to go to specific ones where we would know that our ideal client was there. Okay. And even if you're in business, you have to think about where's my ideal clients? They on are they on Instagram? What are their habits on Instagram? How do I need to show up for them? How do I need to talk to them? Uh the same thing when it comes to love. Like when you figure out, oh, this is my ideal man and he's not finna go, he's not gonna be at an Instagram brunch place, right? That I'm at. He's not gonna be at a RB couples fest, he's not gonna be there. You're gonna stop doing those, like focusing on going to those places thinking you're finna find a man or your ideal man, right? For example, I have a gym membership. I have like two, I have a membership at like two or three gyms. I know my ideal man is not at those gyms. I'm okay with that, but at least I'm not confused. At least I don't walk in there and be like, no one's approaching me. No, my ideal man, I'm not confused about that. And if I want to go to a gym with my ideal man, I'll go do that. I don't want to do that right now. So I want you to think about that. And again, this is why the quality man finder is so important in the C2C program, is because it is a um, it is one of my favorite tools in the program because there is no way you don't get crystal clear on your ideal man after using this tool. You get super granular. We have tons and tons of of ways for you to get very, very clear on this man. And not only that, expose the gap of why you're not even meeting this man. And then show you exactly how to start meeting your ideal man on a weekly basis. Okay, you need to be able to do that. And so when you when you complete the quality man finder, there's no reason why you can't end up, like you won't be able to end up where your ideal man is on a weekly basis. Now, step two. You gotta tell the truth about your starting point, girl. If you want to be engaged by the end of the year, you gotta stop pretending that your current results will just magically change because you want them to. And this is the step that nobody wants to do, but if you skip it, the whole plan falls apart. You gotta get really honest about where you actually are, not where you think where you should be. And this really trips up a lot of us because we're high-achieving good girls. We've been winning all our lives on the teacher, the principal's on a role. We have been the ones, you know, achieving in sports, we've been on student council, we've been achieving at work. Like, we are just so good at our lives. And so when it comes to dating, we hate it because it doesn't validate who we think we are, a winner, a high achiever. We feel like losers, and because we feel like losers, we do not face the truth and be honest. The thing is, loser is a mentality. The winners that we see in society that are innovating in this world, that are creating, people would have thought that they were losers because they have quote unquote lost so many times before they won. But their losses that it really led to their success because they just learned how to do it better. I don't know if you guys know MK MK M A B H D MKBHD on YouTube. I that he's what? He's a young man. He's like what, 25 now, 24? And he's really, he's really young. But he has the largest tech following on um you know across YouTube, Instagram. He's a black, he's a young black kid, and uh he has millions and millions of followers. He's had opportunities to, I think he he interviewed before was it before Kobe Passi interviewed Kobe Bryant? He was able to uh interview Elon Musk because he's been on YouTube since he was a kid, like 14, 14 years old. He's been able to interview Elon Musk. But let me tell you something this boy, this young man, put out a hundred YouTube videos before he got his first 80 subscribers. Imagine putting out a hundred YouTube videos and you only have 80 subscribers. The same thing with Mr. Beast. Mr. Beast, um, how many followers he has on YouTube? Like a hundred million followers? This man was putting out hundreds of videos before he had a thousand subscribers on YouTube. And many people would quit and say, oh, this isn't working. It isn't, it is, it's not as fast as other people's, other people's channels has blown up. It's not fair, or I'm not the type of person. These people, this, these men, these young men, because Mr. Beast is young as well, they didn't care about that. They just kept quote unquote losing until they won. And now they're really big winners. And we as women, high achieving women, like we really have to get out of this identity of I win, I win, I win. And the truth is, if you're winning that damn much to where losing feels like death or hurts your ego, you're not dreaming big enough. You're not going hard enough. You are comfortable and you're only doing things that validate your identity, but do not stretch you and fulfill your actual potential. It's like going and playing a video game on easy mode the whole time, just so you can be happy that you won. No one who's a real video game connoisseur plays on easy mode because they want to be challenged, right? So if you're winning all the damn time, girl, you're not reaching your potential and you're not actually stretching yourself. Okay, you're in your comfort zone. And typically when your identity isn't validated in that way, what you choose to do is feel bad about quote unquote being not where you are. Like I'll have clients that say, you know, I'm just, I feel like I'm not supposed to be here. You know, I'm in my 30s, I'm in my 40s, and I feel like I should already have this, or I feel bad about not having it. Shaming yourself don't work, girl. You know what works? Being neutral about your circumstances and just deciding that, yeah, I'm I'm 40 years old and I don't have it yet. I I I have to, I have to recognize, and I don't have it because I just haven't been doing the right things. It's not because I'm a bad person or I'm broken, I just wasn't doing the right things. Now I'm gonna do the right things. Okay, we just need to be honest about where we are and just make things neutral. It doesn't mean anything personally about me. Name what's actually happening right now. Yeah, I'm 30 years old, I'm 40 years old, I'm 50 years old, and I ain't even been on that many dates. Like, how many dates have you actually been on in the last 30 days? Not just talk to guys, actual in-person dates where someone has planned something and showed up. That's gonna show you where you're at. Right? The answer is zero, one, five. And then a lot of women wonder why they're not engaged by the end of the year. That that's not a surprise. We can't be thinking, oh, I only went out on three dates the whole year and I'm gonna end up engaged. Will it happen for some women? Sure. Sure. It can happen to someone. And to be honest, I don't recommend that at all because typically when that happens, you end up being with somebody at a version of you that's not very skilled. Okay? Not very skilled. And so oftentimes you end up in a relationship that does not serve you and you don't want to leave because you don't know what to do if you left. Or you're too embarrassed to leave because you knew you shouldn't have been in that in the first place. Now, how many men are actively pursuing you right now? Not men in your inbox calling you hello gorgeous, men who are actually taking you out, planning dates, getting to know you to build something. Ask yourself. Ask yourself, what outcomes are you actually getting? Are men following up after dates? Are they planning a second and third dates? Are they escalating investment? Are they fading out? Are you attracting men who want relationships or men who just want to see where it goes forever? So name what's actually happening and being completely honest about that instead of taking it personally, like whoa is me. You cannot achieve what you want being the victim. You can only have what you want if you are taking the steps to get there, the steps, not the steps, to get there versus focusing on why you're not there. And after you name what's actually happening, identify the biggest gap between what you say you want and what you actually have right now, what's actually happening. Look at what you said when you thought about okay, I haven't been on this many dates, this I don't have any men pursuing me right now. Look at where you actually are. What's the gap? What's the distance between your vision and your reality? You want to go on four dates a month, but right now you've only been on four dates a year. That's the gap. That is the gap. You want to have three-minute rotation, but you have zero, that's the gap. And then after you identify the biggest gap, I want you to choose one primary skill to work on. One skill. Okay? The one skill that will make the biggest difference in filling the gap is a visibility, right? So if you're not meeting men at all, it could be visibility. Like you work on a visibility skill, that's a skill, okay? Especially if you're introverted, visibility is a skill. You're not putting yourself in environments where quality men can find you. Do you need a communication skill, meaning that you don't know how to keep a conversation going? Or you're saying, um, or you're not able to communicate in a way to express your desires to a man so that he knows how to show up for you? Or are you self-sabotaging with your communication? Is it belief? Maybe your love life is non-existent because you have beliefs about yourself that are keeping you from taking action. Deep down, you think you don't think the man that you want would actually want you. And that's showing up in how you carry yourself. Is the skill follow-through, right? You start strong, excited, get on the apps, go to events, and then you stop when it gets hard or uncomfortable. That's a follow-through skill. Follow through is a skill. Is your skill that you need to learn to close the gap boundaries? Because every time you start talking to a man, you overinvest and uh you let things slide that you shouldn't. You accept treatment that doesn't match what you say that you want. So maybe your skill is boundaries. Is it connection? Maybe you don't have a problem attracting quality men, but you don't know how to build emotional intimacy. You keep things surface level over or you over overshare way too fast, or or you're closed up because you're scared of getting hurt. Is your skill vetting? Right? You can't tell the difference between if a man is genuinely interested or a man who's just performing interest to just get what he wants. I want you to pick a skill that's holding you back, and that's your work for the day uh for the next 90 days. Okay. In C2C, we actually have seven core skills that you need to work on in order to have the results that you want. And when you come into C2C, we have the rotation readiness assessment that will show you exactly what it's gonna take for you to build your rotation in 90 days. And once you take that assessment and you get your number, that number correlates to a um some success action items, and we're gonna talk about that a little bit later, that's linked to skills. And depending on where you score in the rotation readiness assessment, you they will have skills that are aligned with your level, right? Because everybody isn't ready to just full-on date. Some people have been dating for a while, but they're missing certain other aspects, and so they're learning certain skills, right? So there's seven core skills that we teach in C2C that if you learn these skills, you should have no problem having the relationship that you want, the engagement that you want. And oh, I forgot. This step and step one, you should be doing this in the first week. It should only take you one week to do these skills. Step one, skill of um designing the love life you want, that's week one. Step two, telling the truth about your starting point, that's also week one. That should only take you uh one week to do. All right. Step three for you to get engaged this year, you gotta build your pipeline. Build your pipeline in the next 30 days. And if you're not familiar with this, a pipeline is a consistent flow of new men coming into your life. A lot of you who don't have what you want do not have a consistent flow of men. You're not running across new men every single week. You're not even meeting one new man a week, you're not meeting two men, two new men a week. So, how are we expecting to have what we want if we're not having a consistent flow of new men? Okay, and new men is not one guy you're obsessing over. All right, it's an actual intentional stream of quality men who are um interested in getting to know you. That's your pipeline. And this matters because, again, you cannot choose a man if you're not meeting them. You can't be selective when you have no options. You can't not settle when there's nothing else on the table. And what I'm seeing is a lot of you guys get super attached to a guy because you don't got options. You don't have options. And what happens is I'll notice and I don't have to like tell a new client, she gets excited about a one guy. She'll have a guy and she starts treating him like her man. I'm like, girl, go date some new people. You're over there talking about what did I do something wrong in this in this conversation? Like, where is he? He's fading away. What happened? Go date new men. Build your pipeline. This would not be an issue if you had a pipeline of men coming out uh like flooding in, you would not be obsessing about this one guy. There's no reason he's not your man. And that's a normal thing that comes from us, us trying to build a relationship from scarcity, meeting this one guy, then we're talking to him every day. We going on dates with him regularly, all of our ass going at basket. And when things start changing, we're like, oh, well, how do I save this? How do I recover? Stop trying to save shit and go date somebody else. He's not your man. Why are we trying to save stuff for men that are not our men? And when it doesn't work out the way we want, we're so devastated. And we go back to like starting from zero, and that cycle is exhausting and it does not work. It doesn't. Which is why in C2C, in the first week of you joining, you build your first pipeline plan. You build your first pipeline plan on exactly what you're going to be doing weekly, monthly, daily, and then so that you can get uh new men in. And then every month we have a pipeline planning call to make sure you stay on track. And the call is simply for me to help you coach you through any obstacle you have around your pipeline plan and to help refine it every single month. And so the first, like the first thing I want you to do when it comes to your pipeline plan is I want you to choose two sources of where you're gonna meet men, either on online and in person. Two on like two sources, online, one online and one in person, two main sources. And online could be a dating app or it could be social media, right? I have a I remember I had a client, she was like, Toro, I don't want to do a dating app. She was meeting men in Facebook groups. That this woman was posting in Facebook groups. And if you want to listen to her podcast episode, she was um plus size dating with Roshon Banks. You can go back and listen to that episode. I can't remember where it is. I'll see if I can put it in the show notes. But she was like, I don't want to do a dating app. I don't like them. But she chose social media and she was the thing is, she did she just didn't say I don't do dating apps. She gave another alternative and she went hard at it. She went hard posting in these groups and commenting and adding new friends on Facebook, and and these men became men that she dated. And then your in-person sources, like, where are you going? Like, how are you going to meet these men in person? Did you do like and if you listed either you completed the quality man finder if you're a client, right? Or if you've listed the behaviors and lifestyle of your man, you need to figure out your in-person strategy of how you are going to be meeting him. Are you are you choosing to go to lunch once a week at a um at a restaurant that is known for high caliber men to come, you know, during lunchtime? I know here in uh Dallas, there's this place at the mall called Joey's, and uh it's at the luxury mall that we have here. There's a place called Joey's. It's fine dining, but a lot of the uh finance guys, a lot of the professional, high-caliber men come in during lunchtime on a daily basis to eat and have camaraderie. It is really easy to just go there, sit down, and meet some men. It's super, super easy. That's a way that you can do that. That's an that's an in-person strategy. What is it? Okay, what is it a private club? One of the things that I chose to do this year is to join a private club and go to those private club events. And I have met men at those events. Okay, I've been on dates with men from those events at the private club. You need both online and in person, especially based upon the seasons, especially in the winter time. You want to like utilize like an online dating strategy because people are not out as much. You're more likely not out as much. And then an in-person strategy for like months where people are like uh outside, but you need to be able to master both. Who knows? Like, we went, we had a rest, we had a COVID, and people that they all the choice they had was to be online, and lots of people didn't know how to do that. Now you can say, hey, I don't want to do online, that's up to you, but just know you are stunting your ability if you're choosing not to do that. Okay, you can do whatever you want to do, girl. Be like, I like meeting men in person. Do what you want to do, but just realize that you have to accept that it will slow you down or it can very much so slow you down. But if you're a boss, you're like, I have a client, she knows who she is. She don't do no online dating, but she she lives in Atlanta, and uh she goes, she like, if that's anybody where I'm like, you know, she's the exception. She don't gotta go on dating apps. She's gonna, she's gonna be at all these events. She's at several events. She could be at several events in a in a in a week. She don't get tired. She's out there looking beautiful and gorgeous and making things happen and meeting men wherever she goes. She don't, she's not online, but she's consistently at events on a regular basis. So for her, it's like she don't gotta be on the dating apps, but she's an exception. I don't even fit, like I'm not even like her, right? I have to have an online dating strategy because I don't get out that much. Okay. After you figure out your two sources of men, you need to choose your daily and weekly actions that you're gonna take. I suggest that you do two to three daily actions and three to five weekly actions. That's just me, and that's exactly what I teach my clients. And that's like again, we have the Success Action Items bank where clients don't even have to guess the actions that they're gonna take. They can just choose from, it's over a hundred actions that they can choose from based upon their level of where they scored at in the rotation readiness assessment. So, what are your daily actions? Is it smiling and waving daily? Is it sending a new message on a dating app daily? Like, what is that? What is is your daily making yourself visible and approachable for at least 15 minutes at a place, at a coffee shop? Like, what is that? What does it look like for you? Choose. I recommend you choosing between two to three daily actions and three to five weekly actions that you're gonna take to put yourself in proximity to men, that you're gonna take to build your skills, right? To build your pipeline of men. And after you choose your daily and weekly actions that you're gonna take, and you're gonna do them, right? You're gonna run the plan for 30 days without over-evaluating. You're not gonna quit after one week because it feels hard. I'll have clients that say, Well, Torah I wasn't able to do two of my dailies. Is it because you did not plan properly, or is it because these daily actions actually don't really fit your life right now? Which one is it? But we're not quitting. Do not stop because you met someone who seems promising. You don't know him yet, girl. We're not doing that. Do not judge whether it's working until you've actually done it consistently for 30 days. I'll have clients that say, Oh, you know, it's it's been 30 days and I haven't really. And I'm like, yeah, but you told me you couldn't do your dailies for like two weeks. Every like when we met, you said, hey, I didn't do it. I didn't do it. Like, what do you expect? You have to do these things consistently. Let's create a plan that you can do consistently, and then we can see if it's working. Your only job for 30 days is to build a habit of creating the opportunity. That's it. Not like, oh, I haven't been on any days. Did you do it 30 days consistently? If you haven't, I don't want to hear like you saying it's not working, doesn't make sense. Because the only thing that you're judging that on is time passing by. And we cannot judge success on time passing by. We have to judge it on, I'm actually doing my dailies every day, and I'm doing my weeklies every single week. This is a 30-day process, okay? And we reevaluate every 30 days. Um, and in the C2C program, at the bottom of their pipeline plan document, they have, you know, not only of them reassessing every 30 days, but also like how are they staying accountable? Who are they actually being accountable to? You know. So I do suggest that you figure that out as well. Like, who's gonna hold you accountable? So after step three, where we build our pipeline plan, or we build our pipeline and we have men coming in, we have our pipeline of men. Step four is we date for practice. Not pressure. We're dating for practice. Not pressure. This is where a lot of women get confused because they're just like, oh, I'm not, I haven't been on any dates because these men are just not aligning with this, this, this, this, and this, and that. Or, you know, this, I went on a date with him, but he doesn't seem like this, this, and this, and that. And it's all them getting tripped up about this man not being husband material. This is not the time for that. You gather data instead of pressuring yourself to find the one. You will find the one quicker just gathering data than pressuring yourself. They, so a lot of women get tripped up here. They either don't go on enough dates or they go on dates with the wrong energy because they're already pressuring themselves, already hoping that this is the guy. Already being like, oh no, he's not the guy. So I don't need to show up a certain way. Already imagining a future. This pressure is gonna backfire. It makes you anxious. It makes you overinvest too early. It makes you miss red flags because you want it to work so badly. It makes you turn down dates you need to be on because the man didn't check Christian box on hinge. Okay, you're dating for practice because you are here to learn at this time, not finding your husband. A lot of y'all do not have what you want because you have not learned enough. You do not have what you want relationship-wise because you have not learned enough. Again, you want the fairy tale. You want the, oh, I just found my prince charming and he met me. We bumped into each other and now we're together forever. You want that story. And to me, that story doesn't, to me, that's a whack story. I get excited about a story of a woman who took her love life in her own hands. She didn't have nothing to show for it, and she really committed to the process and came out victorious on the other end. And now she has the knowledge to pass this down like an inheritance to her future generations. Not when her grandchildren say, Hey, I like, how did you meet grandpa? And you're like, Well, I don't know, the Lord did it. You know, you're not helping anyone. Well, yeah, we just bumped into each other. That's how it works. You're not helping anyone. You don't you don't have any true skill set, it just happened, right? So the thing you need to do is to date for practice, you need to go on enough dates to actually learn. Learn about what you actually like, not what you think you should like from the rom-com movies. What genuinely feels good to you in another person? Okay? What do you actually like? One thing I learned that I like is when I'm on a date and I say, oh, I don't have a knife, or oh, like my water's low. I like when a man calls a waiter over immediately. Hey, she needs a knife. Hey, she I love that. I love how that man takes care of my needs. Love that so much. And so I've been look like every time I'm dating for someone, I I'm looking for that. So for example, today I was talking to Latin Poppy. Well, before he called and interrupted my show. And I said, you know, oh my cramps. I'm hurting. It's hard to get out of bed today to get to work. That man was over here so fast to run my bath water. He like he he literally, I was in the bed and he came in, he ran my bathwater, and he got me some water with some electrolytes in it. And he had a book by the bathtub. He was like, hey, hey, I got you, uh I ran you a bath. You know, you should get in the bath and sit in for 10 minutes. And here's this book. You can read it for 10 minutes. And I got your water because you've been fasting while you were sleeping, so you're de, you're you're dehydrated, so you're gonna need to drink this water. All I had to say was I had cramps. But I learned that that this was something that I wanted to experience with a man by going on dates. Learn what you don't like. What turns you off? What are your real deal breakers versus the ones you thought you had? I had a client, she thought her deal breaker was a man smoking marijuana. And now she's married to that man. She realized that smoking marijuana was not her deal breaker. It was laziness and unproductiveness, right? This man smoking marijuana did not stop him from being a very productive citizen in society and a high-quality, emotionally available and intelligent man. Okay, she just thought that, oh, they smoke and then they're gonna probably go to jail, and then they're probably gonna do this and do that. Like she learned what her real deal breakers was. Smoking marijuana didn't turn her off. It was simply like, oh, like I feel like those men are lazy and they're this and they're that and they're that. All right. Now he just now smoke is legal so many places, he just goes to the dispensary and get what he needs. Okay. Learn how you show up. Do you talk too much? You got verbal diarrhea because you like to feel a silence? Do you not talk enough? And just let the man carry the conversation, and then at the end, you're like, he didn't ask anything about me. Do you get nervous and shut down? Do you overshare? Do you interview men instead of connecting with them? Practice your skills. Practice being present, practice asking good questions, practice receiving compliments, practice, practice connecting with a man without being attached to him. We're gonna talk about that a little bit later. But this is why you go out on practice dates. Get out of scarcity. Okay, when you go on enough dates, you get out of scarcity because if you've been only on one or two dates in six months, every man feels so precious. You gotta hold on to him. You know, when you've been on 15 dates in two months, you can actually evaluate that clearly. Okay? There's no scarcity there. When you go on enough dates to actually learn, you're also able to notice patterns in what you're attracting and patterns in yourself. Because dating with volume shows you patterns you never see otherwise. If you were just dating men who could be your husband, all right? When you see the patterns in what you're attracting, you're gonna see like what kind of men are showing up consistently. Are you attracting planners? Are you attractive, uh attracting passive people? Are you attracting pursuers or wishy-washy men? Are you attracting men who want relationships or men who want to see where it goes? Are you attracting um men who step up or are you constantly managing, initiating, pushing things forward? The patterns you're attracting will tell you if you're on the right track. And if every man in your rotation is low effort, okay? If every men um, like that's that, like that's data. And if you keep attracting unavailable men, that's data. If the quality is increasing, like men showing up, investing more, communicating more, that's data too. You're looking for evidence that the work you're doing is shifting what's coming towards you. A lot of times we just attract these men and we're like, oh, these are all the men in the world, instead of saying, like, no, these are the men that I'm attracting. Let me see how I can clean this pattern up, right? And then patterns in yourself. This is the part most of us miss because you got patterns too, and you will not see them until you're dating with enough volume and attention. I mean, intention. Going back to like talking too much. Or do you go quiet? Do you shut down when you actually like someone? Do you get weird or awkward? Do you overexplain yourself, right? Do you find that you get more attracted to men who are distant or unavailable and bored by men who are consistent? I have a client right now, she's more attracted to men where there's chaos involved, when they're emotionally unavailable and then there's chaos involved. That's that's what she's attracted to right now. Because we know that's her pattern, we are working to clean that up, right? That's one of the reasons why I have in Curved a Cough a pattern breaker tool to help you break the patterns that you have without demonizing the patterns, without being shameful of the patterns. Like this is my pattern, and these are the stages that I am going through to clean these patterns up so that I can show up better and attract better men. Right? Do you sell do you sabotage when things start going away going well? Do you ignore red flags because you don't want to start over? Okay. Do you overshare too fast? Do you struggle receiving compliments? Most women have no idea how they actually show up. And they think they know, but they've never dated enough with consistency to see the truth. So if you start dating for practice and not pressure, you are going to be able to actually see yourself. And once you see yourself, clearly for who you are, you can actually change it. Now, as you notice patterns in what you're attracting and in yourself, you then start to let your, you need to let your standards sharpen through experience. A lot of women try to figure their standards out in their head ahead of time, making lists and journaling and thinking really hard. But your standards don't actually come from thinking. You know how many clients come to me saying, This is my standard, this is my standard, and I'm seeing what they swiping on, and I'm like, how the hell you say this is your standard? And you swiping on these kinds of men. It's because they come, standards actually come from sitting across from enough men that you start to feel in your body what's acceptable and what's not. Okay? So many women think about their standards and ain't even been on enough dates to solidify them. That's why you, the standards that you claim to have, they all go away when you meet a man you like because you have not allowed yourself to embody it by going out on practice dates. Okay. Experience will actually teach you what actually matters to you. Experience will teach you what the standard is. For example, if I go out on a date with a man and I realize I do not want to hold his hand, that's my standard. I don't go on second dates with men that I don't want, I don't want to hold his hand. That's my standard. I've gotten to the place where my standard is, oh yeah, I don't, I don't go on dates with men who are not willing to call me an Uber. I'm just not willing to do that anymore, right? That's now my standard. It doesn't have to be yours, right? But I've gotten to this point where my standards have sharpened with my experience. I've been on enough dates, I've talked to enough men to realize that, yeah, there's gonna be a lot of men who don't do that, but there is a plenty enough men who will, because I've been on tons of dates. So this is like month two to three of where you're doing this in step four. Because step four is um, step four is where is it? Where is it? Date for practice and not pressure. Step five, in order to be engaged by the end of the year, girl, you got to decline what does not align, honey. Because you need to clear the field so that only capable men uh remain. So at this stage, at step five, you've been dating for a couple of months, you've met men, and if you're honest, some of these men are just not it. And you already know it, you can already feel it. But what I've been noticing is that you keep all a lot of these men around anyway because you're lonely, you're bored, you don't want to be mean, and you're hoping it'll get better and it won't get better. And every week you spend on a man that does not meet your standards, that does not respect your boundaries, that does not, that does not support your core values, is a week that you're not fully available for one who is. And this is where your timeline either speeds up or stalls out. So declining what doesn't align is not for men who are in your rotation but can't be, but don't align to be your husband, right? As long as these men meet your standards, your expectations, they are beneficial, like they they are good for your nervous system. But these men who are not planning dates and you've been dating them for, they done got comfortable with you, right? He texts you but never plans anything, y'all gotta decline. Stop rewarding that behavior with your time and attention. Or when men disappear for days and pop up like it ain't nothing happened, good morning, queen. Decline. Decline. When you have asked, I had someone, a client, go on a date with a guy recently, but but before the date, she asked him to bring some flowers. He said, Yeah, yeah, I got you. That man did not show up to the date with flowers. She will not be going out with him again. Declining what doesn't align, because that's her standard of receiving flowers on the first date. Okay? This is not the time to get attached without noticing them. And when you decline early, you also need to stop seeing it where it goes with men who have already showed you who they are. If he's inconsistent in month one, he's not gonna be consistent in month three. I'll be I'll be trying to get y'all to understand this. Y'all be like, oh yeah, well, he's canceled two times already, and I'm trying to figure out like, stop trying to figure out, stop talking to him. Okay? Right? Stop talking to him. And you wanna make sure that you keep your pipeline clean because your goal is that the men left in your rotation have actually earned the right to be there. Men who plan, men who show up, men who communicate, men who pursue, men who provide, men who make their interests obvious. Everybody else gets filtered out. All right? You're protecting your time and energy for men who actually deserve it. And this is ongoing from month two, right? Ongoing from month two is declining. Like you really have to decline very, very fast what doesn't align. Stop putting up with stuff. And that's what I'm noticing is like us putting up with things. Or like I'll see a woman going back and forth. I remember there was a woman, a client, going back and forth with one guy for like three weeks on planning a date. And I was just like, this, there's nothing, this man is not a jackass, but this we don't want to be doing this. This is a this is a problem that is taking three weeks to go back and forth. We're not doing that. So we need to stop talking to him. Okay, it shouldn't be this hard. Or another client where she would suggest the place that she wanted to go to go on a date. He was, and he would be like, Well, I know this place. Ain't nobody asked you. I told like we're telling you that this place works for us and you're pushing back. We don't want to deal with the pushback man like that. Stop talking to him. It doesn't mean that he's a bad man. Like, we'll think because a man has, you know, had like he's not like an asshole that we should be talking to him. I'm like, no, we absolutely not. Or I have another client where men like to ask her on house dates for the second date. And I told her, you have to stop accepting those. Because she was just like, Well, I don't have a problem with it. I like the fact that they want to cook for me. And I'm like, they are doing it because they want to be low effort. They want to have sex with you. Okay. And they see this as the easiest way to do it. You gotta start declining because you have a pattern of attracting men who want sex from you very, very early because you think it's okay, because you don't mind it. We have to mind it because you're not gonna get what you want. And the last step in the process, if you want to be engaged by the end of the year, is high connectional attachment. I have a whole podcast episode about this. Is this so that the men in your rotation, like you deepen with them? You deepen with the men who pass step five without rushing to commitment. Because you've done the hard part so far. You've at step six, you've built the pipeline plan, you've done the practice dating, you filter out, you've been filtering out men who are not showing up. The men left have actual potential. And this is where you build connection without losing yourself. Okay? You got to create real connection on purpose. Sometimes we like to keep things surface level because we're scared of being vulnerable. All right. We're scared of being hurt. We don't want to let a man in. We don't let a we don't want to open up. Or are we on the opposite direction and we just dump everything? We tell it all. We give him the childhood trauma, you know, the worst stories of our lives because we're anxious and and we and we want to feel safe and we want him to make us feel safe. Neither works. Intentional connection is all about asking real questions that matter. You know, we're way past what do you do for work. We're at the point where we're like, you know, what what what keeps you up at night? You know, what makes you feel successful as a man? Right? What obstacle did you like accomplish this past month? What like what did you overcome? How did you what was your goal this month and how did you reach it? Share real parts about yourself, your values, your perspectives, your opinions, what lights you up. Okay? And create emotional texture. Your conversation should feel like something, not just an interview. And I'll tell clients all the time, I'll I'll be reading their text messages, reading the messages they have on dating apps, and I'm like, I don't feel nothing in this conversation. It feels bland and boring, and that's why things are fizzling out. You need to be able to feel something, which is why in Curve to Cuff, I have a whole training, the bomb experience, that actually teaches you how to create high connection with men. And one of the pieces of it is creating like um a memorable open experience with them and how to do that without oversharing, how to create uh um connections with men that just feel exciting, that feels intimate without the sex, that feels loving, without the attachment. Okay? It's one of my favorite modules in the program. And you also need to be like one of the reasons why it's also one of the favorite modules is because you are able to stay emotionally open without mentally crowning anyone, making him king. All right. You're in a place where you are present with this man, not deciding he's your man. You're not planning your wedding after one good date, you're not dropping all the other. Men because one guy took you somewhere nice. You're not using men as a distraction from your main guy. You're enjoying getting to know multiple men while letting them reveal themselves over time. And in this process, you're not attached to the future or needing something to happen because you're highly connected. The connection is enough. Okay? You're not white-knuckling your way through dating, waiting for a man to lock you down. Because although you are deeply in love with this man, although you guys have an intimate connection, you're still observing his effort. You're still looking at his leadership. You're still looking at the decisions that he makes when he's told no or he doesn't feel good. You're still seeing if he makes decisions that's in alignment with his core values, right? You're still looking to see how he shows up when you can't show up, right? Just because you love somebody does not mean that man has the capacity to be your man. All right. So you're not forcing outcomes or decisions. And you want to make sure that you watch for sustained consistency and increasing investment. Okay? Consistency over time, not intensity in the moment. A lot of y'all get wrapped up in the intense feelings in the first few weeks. Do not do that. What I mean by that is really enjoy the feelings, but do not make that mean anything. Okay? A man who's exciting in month one does not mean he's gonna be still planning dates once you become his girlfriend. All right. Does his effort increase? Does his communication stay steady? Does he integrate you into his life or keep you in a box? Y'all know I'm dating two men right now. And I've been dating them both for like Poppy for years and and and Big Body Benz. It's been it's over a year with us. Because I met him in September 2024. It's been over a year, and the consistency is still the same. The communication, I'm still getting good morning texts from these men. Right? I'm still getting planned dates. They're still investing in me. I get gifts almost every week. Okay? Almost every week. Like I can't, there's not one week that passed by why I don't got a new gift. They are still like trying to show up for me when I'm on my cycle. They are still showing up for me when I'm sick. Nothing dropped. Right? People say, oh, people get comfortable. No one's allowed to get a com to be comfortable with me and still date me. Okay. I have people DMing me all the time that have boyfriends and have marriages. I remember one woman, she messaged me and she was like, What hap, what, what do I what happens when a man doesn't take you on dates? He's always working, he's always focused on you know his vision, he doesn't take me out. I'm like, why is he your boyfriend? Why? Why is a man why hell if a husband ain't taking you out on date, why is he your husband? You gotta ask yourself these things. Okay, why is he your husband? And when you get to a point, like there should be a point that you can stop dating multiple men, but you only stop when one man has shown you a clear pattern, not just a few moments, a clear pattern of planning dates consistently without you prompting, following through for months, not just weeks, not one good week, several. He's increased his investment in you, he's increased his investment, more time investment, more communication investment, more effort investment, more financial investment. He started integrating you into his life, where you're meeting the special people in his life, you're part of his plans. He's initiated conversations about the future. Some of y'all be like, Well, when do we move, um, go exclusive? And the guy has not even bought it up yet. He's initiated about where this is going, what he wants, what he sees with you. This is not just a feeling, this is evidence. And when you actually observe that pattern, you can let go of your rotation and let the relationship progress. Because this man has proven that he's worth it. He's worth it. Uh, in my Curve to Curve program, I have a relationship to roster checklist that clients go through where there's questions to ask themselves at every single stage from the moment they build a roster to them having a full rotation and moving into a relationship. Okay. Moving into a relationship. And it helps them decide like, oh, do I can I should I actually move into an exclusive relationship? Do I have enough evidence for that? Or do I just need to keep dating them? All right. So bringing it all together, steps one through three happening your first 30 days. Getting clear on what you want, getting honest about where you are, building your pipeline. That's the foundation. Steps four through six unfold over the rest of the year. Dating for practice, not pressure, declining what doesn't align, right? And building emotional connection with men without getting attached who earn it. And if you follow this, you're not guessing. You're not hoping, you're not waiting for it to just happen. You have a clear path. Whether you want engagement, a relationship, or steady rotation, like whatever it is, this becomes a natural outcome of following this process instead of something you're desperately chasing. Okay. And you will have the steps. You won't be confused about like, why don't I have what I want? Did you follow the steps? Not just every now and again, did you follow the steps consistently? Not I fell off for three weeks. Did you follow the steps consistently? And if you're listening and you're thinking, oh, Dora, like this feels overwhelming. I don't actually know how to build a pipeline. I don't even know what my dailies and my weeklies should be. I don't know how to stay unattached when I really like someone. I keep getting stuck at step five, giving chances to men who don't deserve them. That's exactly what we work on as a either a private client or inside Curve to Cuff. The framework is the roadmap. Inside the program, we build these skills. You have a plan. So you're not trying to figure this out alone. And so if you want help executing this, Curve to Cough will be opening its doors very, very, very, very soon. And you want to stay tuned for when I open the doors because you want to jump in. You want to go ahead and jump in. It's been a few days since the doors have been open. I'm not a few days, a few months since the doors have been open. You definitely do not want to wait this go around because you want, if you want to be engaged by the end of the year, let's get chop chop. Let's get it popping. This your that's your six steps, girl. Send this epitode. Send this episode to a friend who needs to hear it. Write me a review on the podcast. We haven't had a lot of reviews. Well, we haven't had any reviews since August. If you've been enjoying this podcast, go ahead and write me a review so people can find us in the algorithm. And I will talk to you next week, Queen. Bye.