DWC REWIND: Delusions & Difficulties Around Attracting Quality Men

Been having a lot of interesting conversations with new clients about why they believe they haven’t been attracting quality men. 

Funny thing is…when I listen to their complaints during our coaching sessions…summa the ladies don’t really have much evidence to support their beliefs. 

They’re truly convinced that their biggest problem is not being able to attract quality men. 

Maybe it is…maybe it isn’t.

In today’s episode, we’re gonna have a conversation about your ability to attract quality men. Together we’re gonna uncover whether you have a real issue attracting them or if it’s simply a delusion. 

HERE’S WHAT YOU’LL DISCOVER: . 

• The real reason why you believe you aren’t able to attract high-quality men

• The truth bomb I drop that is confusing at first, but provides true clarity on why you may or may have not been able to attract quality men. 

• The bare bones explanation of what a quality man is and the traits they usually possess. 

• Several professional “diagnoses” that may be contributing to why you find it hard to meet, attract and build romantic relationships with quality men

• Examples of practical actions my clients have taken (and you can too) to expand their capacity to attract quality men almost immediately 

FEATURED ON THE SHOW

• Date With Cents Episode #2: What is a Quality Man

Be sure to get more dating gems by following me on Instagram at:

@torahcents 

@curved2cuffed

Transcript

Gratitude And Hard Seasons;

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Ooh, girl. How you been doing? Girl. What you been up to? Girl. How you been feeling? Girl. Girl. Hey. I'm so glad that you're back to another episode of The Date With Sins Podcast. I am sitting here in my closet, once again, surrounded by all of my clothes. I I don't know if you know it, but I do record. I have my podcast set up in one of my closets because it's seems like the most soundproof area of the home. And yeah, it's a it's just a it's a nice space to record. And there's, you know, I turn on the light in here and I just I just record you an episode. And so I'm here once again in this closet. Just feeling a lot of gratitude. Man, it's been it's been a tricky, messy, beautiful, uh, expansive year already. And it's what, it's only April. And I am so thankful for it all. Like I'm just think for all the lessons. Things that felt like losses have led to some amazing opportunities for me. And I'm just reminded over and over and over and over what God has for me is for me. So if it's it leaves, it ain't for me, right? If um it goes away, it's not for me. And then it just, I'm so grateful, number one, that I have an opportunity to process what's happening to me and handle it like an emotional adult. Most humans uh don't have high level of emotional maturity because you know, we haven't been taught. So we try to avoid them, run away from them because we only want to have positive emotions and including myself, like grown adult, just having real issues handling my emotions and processing them. And I'm just, I'm so grateful I'm at a point where I'm able to appreciate things being messy and appreciate being disappointed and frustrated and feeling lost. I mean, there's a few times this year that I felt just incredibly lost, like sliding down the walls and on my knees, like, God hast thou forsaken me. I mean, it just wasn't pretty, right? Lots of tears, lots of lashes falling off, lots of um anxiety in the body, uh, but also lots of laughs, lots of triumph, lots, lots of victory, lots of accomplishment. But, you know, I learned very quickly in my adult life that there is no way you can have the highs and highs of the peaks if you're not willing to go into the valley. And so I have a lot of gratitude of my ability to go into the valley and so that I can really, really appreciate the peaks in my life. And I know there's gonna be a lot more bumps in my life this year, in my business this year. And I'm I'm, you know, I'm saying this, I'm ready for it, but it's scary. But I've been preparing myself. I've done a lot of self-work and I continue to invest in my self-work. Like my personal development bill is like what some people pay in several mortgages. Um and that's the that's my commitment to me, to myself, and me investing in myself and making sure that I am learning what I need to learn, embody what I need to embody, and grow how I want to grow. So it's it's nowhere, but up, baby. Um, what do I want to say next? Oh, girl, yes, girl. Don't let me forget this. I mentioned last podcast that I'm bringing back my weekly master class. I'm so excited about it. I I used to do this back in 2021 every single Thursday. We used to have, we would have music. I would have my water and my wine glass, and I would go through my um teachings to like really introduce women of faith to a new reality, to a new possibility that they could actually attract the types of men that they want, that they they could actually have the love life that they want. They could actually choose who they want to be with instead of waiting around to be chosen. Every week I did it. It's the same content every week, but it seems so different every single week. And on the heels of that, we invited some amazing clients into the Curve to Cuff program, some amazing cufflings who have joined me on that journey. And now I'm bringing them back with some uh some tweaks, quite a few tweaks involved, especially considering I used to have I used to be on there for almost three hours every Thursday. I'm not doing that this time around. I'm gonna be staying on there, hopefully by an hour and a half, but you guys know I'm really long-winded and I love to over-deliver. I love to break these concepts down and go into depth. So I talk a lot. My last training that I did, the triple threat success method, that was what, two weeks ago? It was only supposed to be an hour and 15 training, hour and a half and 15 minutes. I took that thing to like two hours and 30 minutes. I thought that was wild. Why did I do that? Because I love the work. And you guys stayed with me. And but yeah, so I'm doing them every Thursday. Uh tonight will be a masterclass. Next Thursday will be a masterclass unless I have to take off. But it's three secrets of attracting multiple high-quality men who provide, protect, and pursue you for marriage or whatever relationship constellation you desire, so that you can choose your husband in as early as a year. Because you can. It's real. And if you don't know it's real, please come to my masterclass or I can show you how real it is. Anyways, let's go ahead and get in today's topic. Um, because I've been having a lot of interesting conversations with, especially like new clients who come into the C2C program about why they believe that they haven't been attracting quality men. And I've also had these same conversations when I was on Clubhouse with women. And the funny thing is, is that when I'm listening to these women talk about this, when I listen to them complain or bring up their concerns during the coaching sessions about like them not attracting quality men, most of these ladies don't really have much evidence to support their beliefs, like quite a few of them. And so my go-to question, I ask them, is okay, why do you believe that you're not attracting quality men? I just sit there and I just ask, because I really want to know. And here's the thing: most humans are not conditioned to think about what they think about. They are conditioned to just experience reality, and that's the truth for them, and that is how they take action or create their belief systems based upon what they've experienced. And so I love, like the way I coach is I love to just ask questions. And so I'm like, okay, why do you believe that you're not attracting quality men? And a lot of times they'll hit me with very vague statements after they've thought about it, because normally they haven't thought about it before. And they say things like, you know, well, Torah, when I'm dating these men, it it ain't really going anywhere. And so I listen. Or they'll say things like, Well, Tora, none of the men I'm dating or try to date is like trying to move us towards a relationship. It's not going anywhere. It's like it's dead. And I hear things like that, and I just sit and I listen to them. I don't really say much, and I'm like, okay, is is is that all? Is there anything else? Is that all the evidence that you have here? And they're like, yeah, that's all. Like, I'm like, oh my goodness. Because this is when, this is when I light up inside. This is when I sit up in my seat. This is when I get super excited because I'm about to drop a juicy bomb in that moment, you know, because they are convinced that their biggest problem is not being able to attract quality men. And so because they're convinced of this, dating is super frustrating for them. It is super draining for them because they don't think that they're making real progress in their love lives. To them, they can't get the chance to enjoy dating because they can't find quality men to date in the first place. It's like when I put a piece of content out about dating multiple men and choosing your husband, or when I put a piece of content out of, you know, giving men amazing experiences. When I put those content pieces out, there's always someone in the comment section that are like, well, where are the men at in the first place? I have an ad go out now highlighting the whole phase that I teach, um, holding out on exclusivity. And there are people in the comment section saying, but where are the quality men at in the first place? How can I have a whole phase because I can't attract quality men? And so they they're like, I can't even enjoy dating because I I'm not even attracting the men. So, truth bomb, if you believe that you're not attracting quality men because no one you're dating is trying to move you into a relationship, or the men that you're dating are, you know, not pursuing you for a serious relationship, the problem may not be that you're not attracting quality men. Your real problem is how you are defining what a quality man is in the first place. Okay, because uh there is a serious issue when we as women only give a man the quality stamp of approval unless he is in alignment with your personal relationship goals or him seriously pursuing you for commitment. Like that's a really serious issue. And we can't see a man as a quality man unless he's gonna be our man, unless he's gonna be our boyfriend, unless he's going to be someone that we're in a really uh romantic commitment with. Like, oh, I can't say this man is quality because he's not moving me into a relationship. Especially considering, let's just use this logic in reverse, right? You stay with me here. You can kind of see where I'm getting at. That would also mean that any man that got your number or took you out on a date and seriously pursued you during a time you were not interested in his advances. Because a lot of us have been on dates with men that we're just not interested in. A lot of us have um texted guys or had phone calls with guys that we were like, eh, me I don't I don't even, you know, I don't know if I'm feeling them like that, right? Uh I was talking to my lactician this week and she said that she had a friend that she was dating, and her boyfriend was like really insecure about the fact that she had this friend. And I said, Well, does the friend like you? And she was just like, Well, he tried to talk to me, you know, back in the day. And I was just like, Okay, so if he's such your friend, like y'all had these many years of friendship, and he's such a friend that you can't get rid of him. Why are y'all like, why didn't y'all like have at it in something romantic, right? Like, if he was such a great guy. And she was just like, Oh, I don't want to jeopardize the friendship. And I was just like, girl, stop, don't play with me. This is be for real. Are you attracted to this man? Do you like him like that? She was like, girl, no, he ain't really my type like that. I was like, Yeah, girl, don't play with me. Talking about she didn't want to jeopardize a friendship. You, we don't, we don't say those things about men that we're really attracted to. We don't say things like that about men who make our coochie jump. Not at all. But anywho, going back to the lesson today, let's switch the logic in reverse. If you believe that you can only call a man a quality man unless he's pursuing you for a relationship or moving you into a commitment, right? He can't be quality unless he's doing that, then that also would mean that any man who seriously pursued you and you were not interested could say you aren't a quality woman because you weren't looking to move toward a relationship with him. I mean, he could say the same thing, like she's not quality. She doesn't want me like that. She friends on me. Kind of like the lactician. We could, I could basically say, hey, girl, like you're not a quality woman because you didn't want to be in a relationship with him. It makes no sense. It's ridiculous, right? We know that that's ridiculous because we also know that quality people are quality people. Like we know this. Even if they don't review you, um, even if they don't view you as a romantic partner, they're quality. Even if they don't see a romantic future with you, quality people are quality people. Even if they are not seeking to change their relationship status, they can still be quality. Even if they don't share the same beliefs as you, the same faith as you, the same value system as you. It goes back to like some of my clients that are like, Torah, I don't, I don't want to date a man unless he's unless he believes what I believe about Jesus, right? If he doesn't have my particular faith, right? And they're just like, I don't, I'm not attracting quality men because none of these men are doing that. And I'm like, so a man has to have your same faith about Jesus in order to be quality. No, he actually doesn't. Okay, he doesn't have the have to have the same value system as you. That's your value system as a quality woman. He has his value system as a quality man. And their quality isn't diminished because you can't be in a relationship with him. Okay. And so normally after I drop this truth bomb to my clients, I might get something like this from them. Well, well, Torah, I'm I'm so confused. And what is a quality man? If if it's not a man moving me into a relationship, if it's not a man that's in alignment with my faith and beliefs, if it's if it's not a man that can be my romantic partner, what is a quality man? I mean, I teach about this all the time, but in my coaching space, this is what I teach quality men are. And you can actually go check out the podcast topic I have on this that I go into depth. Um, I'm gonna quickly cover it here, but I'm gonna link in the show notes this particular episode that you can just listen to. I think it's like 30 minutes. But I teach that quality men are providers, protectors, and builders in the society, right? Because it takes love to provide for a society. It takes love to protect a society, it takes love to build up a society, and a man who lives a life of love is more likely to love the people in his life. Link to quality men. A quality man is consistent in good character, no matter the context, which means that he is going to be the same way in all seasons of his life. A lot of times we are, you know, we're choosing to date men when things are good, or um, like we choose to make a man our boyfriend when everything is nice, but what how does he show up when everything isn't nice? And then you can actually trust him to be this way. Regardless of who how he's showing up, you can trust him to be this way. Um, you know, you can trust him to be this way when he doesn't have his way, when he's told no, when life gets hard, when people disagree with him, when even when you don't want to date him, you can cons he can consistently be in good character. It's not like when, you know, you like these men out here where you reject them and they want to shoot the club up. Like, yo, that's that's crazy and wild. A quality man is um, he makes decisions that are aligned with his with his core values. You hear me say his core values? They don't gotta be yours. You'd be like, well, he's not a quality man because we're we're out of alignment with values. He doesn't value, you know, travel and he doesn't value, you know, these other things. It's like he doesn't have to value what you value in order to be a quality man. He just needs to be able to have his own core values and make decisions that are in alignment. Those are non-negotiables for his life. Quality man is locked into a solid support system of other quality men. There's a man who builds community with other quality men is a man who is emotionally available. He values being held accountable, he values intimacy, right? He values openness. Men who are lone wolves, I mean, I don't trust them. Now you can. Like that might sound sexy to you. He'd be like, I'm, yeah, I don't mess with, I don't be messing with no other niggas out here. And you'd be like, oh, so sexy. But I'm a lone wolf. Uh they don't make them like me no more. I'm a real one. You'd be like, oh yes, he's so real. Like, girl, no, absolutely not. That's scary. Very scary. Um, a quality man is driven to make decisions that improve himself in the world around him. And this is a man that believes in something bigger than himself, right? Because he he's not driven to prove anything to anyone. He's not driven by his money. He's not driven to carelessly, selfishly feed his ego. A quality man is a man who is living by a set of principles and code ethics that guide his life choices, meaning that, you know, he's a man who lives by a code of ethics and core values, meaning that he authentically lives his life with integrity, right? A quality man is always gaining clarity on where he is headed in his life, his vision, right? He doesn't have to have it all figured out, but he's always seeking to gain clarity. He's never unclear about what's happening for him. Like he's just like, um, you know, I well, what I mean is, even though he may not have it all figured out, he's consistently finding clarity. He's never stumped, he's never lost. He's never like, I'm just stuck here and confused, and I'm just gonna stay right here. So he's always making progress. He's always moving forward. And he's always becoming who he needs to be to get there. And that's his mission. He's at each level in his manhood, he's deciding, okay, who do I need to be as a man to make this happen? Who do I need to be as a man to level up in this area, to provide, protect, and build, to gain the relationships I desire, to create the resources that I need, to have the mental health that I need. Like, who do I need to be? And he has a plan for his life. And because of this, his decision supports that plan. There are a lot of decent, nice guys out here who are kind. They are peaceful. Um, they make you laugh, girl. They might love tacos with you, right? They will pursue you, but they also lack vision and mission. And to me, I would not pair that with quality. That's a decent man, but not necessarily quality. And I do want you to keep in mind that I'm not claiming that this list is um, this is an absolute list of all the attributes of quality men, but this is me saying my professional opinion from empirical data as well as anecdotal evidence from my own life and my own interactions is my professional opinion of what you should be looking for when you're seeking to connect it with a healthy, well-adjusted quality man. Okay. All right. Anywho, after I've gone through like this is the qualities of a quality man, and you learning this, and I share this with my clients, two shifts usually happen in my coaching community. So when I'm coaching them and I'm like, okay, this is a quality man, your definition is all. Off, you know, quality men are quality men. Two shifts usually happen in my coaching community. So talk about the first shift. And this is listen to this. This might help you quite a bit on your journey. So in the first shift, some of my clients realize that they actually have been attracting quality men this whole time.

unknown 22:21

Ho.

Ending Energy Leaks Fast;

Upgrade Your Dating Profile;

Curve To Cuff Invitation;

Closing And Calls To Action

SPEAKER_00 22:23

And they realize it because they're like, oh wow. Like I have been pulling in men who are, you know, are really well connected to other quality men. I have been attracting men who are consistent in their good character. I have been pulling in providers, protectors, and building it builders in society. I have been pulling in men who have a vision and mission for their lives. I have been doing this. I just thought that, you know, I wasn't pulling them in because I'm like, oh, well, his core values don't align with my core values or or he isn't moving us into a relationship. And that's why I thought I wasn't pulling in quality men. So they start to get excited, you know, and they start celebrating the fact that they are connected to quality men. They actually are. And so now they can show true gratitude. The gratitude of God at this point, because they're like, okay, I'm actually pulling in these men. I'm not having an issue. They were simply blind to these men before because they were so busy objectifying these men for relationships. And since, um, and objectification, I will link that in the show notes as well about objectifying men. Because when I have a podcast episode on is what I what I'm saying about what happens when we objectify men. Objectifying men is basically like if you can't be in a relationship with me, you don't, you basically don't exist. You don't need to talk to me, you don't you don't need to call me. I'm not available for that instead of just really seeing men for who they are and their value for who they are. And so many of us women, when we define a man as a quality man, if he's moving us into a romantic relationship, if he can be our man, we get blind to these men. And when we get blind to them, we don't have gratitude, number one. And two, we're not able to create the belief system that triggers our reticular activating system to pull in quality men that are actually in alignment with us because we're so focused on what we don't have. And when we go back to scripture, like focusing on what you don't have is a loser's game, right? When we think about the master who gave his servants the talent, and the the servant with the one talent was focused on what he didn't have. He was so focused on that he couldn't even multiply what he did have. And guess what happened? He got that snatched up from him. So when you're focused on what you don't have and not appreciation what you do, you think you're gonna get blessed with more? You just continue to reap what you sow, girl. And when we get an understanding that their struggle isn't that they're not attracting quality men, like they are bringing them in, they are pulling them in. What I do next is I move forward and I properly like diagnose them for what their true problem might be. I'm like, okay, girl, your problem is not that you're not attracting quality men. Let's diagnose your real problem as to why you can't have the love that you desire, as to why you're not dating deliciously. And oftentimes I discover that the real problem may be that they are objectifying men, their objectification of men, because it causes them to disregard the humanity of men. All right. So when you are focused on, can you be my man? Can you move me to a relationship? Can you call me more so we can move into a relationship? Can we go on more dates so I can get a relationship? Can we go into a relationship so I can have a relationship? When you're focused on that, you end up disregarding the humanity of the other person. It's no different from a man saying, Can I get on the phone so I can have sex with you? Can we text more so I can end up having sex with you? Can we go on this date so I can end up having sex with you? Can we have sex so I can end up having sex with you? Like we can feel it as women. We're like, yo, you just want to have sex with me. You're not really here for me. You are only calling, texting, and takes taking me out on dates because you want to have sex. Well, the men feel it when you are disregarding their humanity and you really want to your focus is on relationship and not who he is. And it leads these men that they're dating to not feel seen, to not feel heard, to not feel understood. And so these men are like, yo, I'm out. Because apparently the relationship is what her focus is, and she really doesn't care about who I am as a man. The same way you would walk away from a man if you don't feel seen, heard, and understood by him because all he wants is sex. Another diagnosis that I have that I often provide, because sometimes these women struggle with emotionally connecting with the men that they're dating, right? It's not that that they're not attracting quality men, it's that they struggle emotionally connecting. And the last few episodes I have done have been about emotionally connecting. So make sure that you check those episodes out. They're struggling with emotionally connecting with the men they're dating. And so that's why the men aren't desiring relationships with them because there's a disconnect. And the men feel it. They're like, yeah, there's not any intimacy being built here. There's not any real closeness, not real bonding, just a lot of surface level. Doesn't feel true to me, doesn't feel authentic, so I'm about to bounce. So again, they're attracting quality men. They realize that they are, but again, they're struggling with the emotional connecting piece. And listen, I even have clients that come in struggling with self-sabotage. So it's not like they're not attracting quality men, but they try to convince me that they are not because they self-sabotage each time. They don't realize that they're subconsciously doing things to reject quality men that they're dating so that they can avoid something within themselves. And sometimes they want to avoid rejection. Sometimes it's avoiding um being seen. Sometimes it's like it's uh uh avoiding like um, yeah, like like rejection, being seen, all those things. Um, one client, she was self-sabotaging from left to right. She was um, she's a single mother. Um, you're gonna know who I'm talking to, girl. When you hit a shot on the podcast. I'm not gonna call your name out, but you know who you were. Single mom of two small kids, entrepreneur, in school, have a she has a job, and she was thinking she wasn't pulling the in quality men, right? But she didn't realize she was self-sabotaging the whole time. And so when we worked through that self-sabotage, there was a man that she had just started interacting with that she was talking to. They had been talking for about a month. But when she joined C2C, I'm like, look, dates need to happen. Something needs to happen here. We need to be connecting with these men that you got that you're talking to. And within what, a week, there was a date. He drove three hours to come see her to provide the date. And ever since then, this man has shown up with flowers. He continues to drive three hours. He has um taken, like taken her and her children out for dates themselves. He has cooked for her, he has driven three hours and turned around and cooked for her. Um, he has held space for her when she tries a self-sabotage. Um, he has held space for that. Like, yo, like what is happening? You know, I'm kind of here. I'm I'm here. He has bought her groceries. Again, she was pulling in quality men, but she was overlooking and self-sabotaging, and she wasn't able to see the quality that she had. She was more willing to spend time chatting with the man for a month versus moving forward and actually creating these experiences for herself. And I'm really happy for her. She is having a ball, and I'm having a ball watching her. There was um another queen who was self-sabotaging too. She was just like, I'm not going out on dates. No one's asking me out on dates. And I said, okay. And I said, How are you getting your dates? She was like, Oh, I'm getting them off the um, I try to get them off online dating, the apps. I said, okay. Do a quick screen share. Let's screen share your conversations you're having with men on the apps. And when I tell y'all the level of self-sabotage, she had high quality men pouring in her inbox. So when I'm saying, when I'm saying high quality is like looking at the profiles. Again, we're assuming here, right? There's no like definite, but these are the profiles. Basically, everyone that was on the Zoom call during that coaching session, they was like, yo, like where are these men at? Like, where can I find these men? Um, these men were um not just well educated, but they were on their personal development tip, they were well dressed, they had um amazing jobs, and it it like their conversations seemed like they were very self, like they were self-aware, and they were very engaging with her. They were they they their words were uh had a level of excitement to it about connecting with her. And I'm like, you're really self-sabotaging here. Like you could have been gotten dates, but you are you are not having conversations with these men, and there's something here you're avoiding. You're avoiding something. And so we worked through the avoidance. Um, we prepared her with um exactly how to move these men off the app very, very quickly and secure her dates. And yeah, things have dramatically improved since then, and she's been able to like really move these men off the apps um to move into something else. So I'm really excited for her too. You know who you are as well, if you're listening to this. I'm so proud of you, by the way. Shout out to you. But yeah, um no matter what the struggle is, like once I'm able to properly diagnose the true struggle that these women are going through, then me and my uh my team of coaches, like we work together with each client to provide them with a personalized solution to navigate their unique problem. So each each struggle, each woman has their own personalized solution. So that's the first shift. So there I I mentioned that there's two shifts that usually happen in the coaching community when I'm like, yo, you like you're defining quality men wrong here. So that was the first shift. Now I'm moving into the second shift. So the second shift, other clients actually discover that they really do have an issue attracting quality men. They're like, yo, I'm not pulling in men who provide protecting bill. I'm not providing men who are consistent. I mean, I'm not pulling in men who are consistent in their character. I'm not pulling in men who are connected to other quality men. I'm just, I'm not doing it. I'm not able to do that. So they actually have a real issue. So if you on this podcast and you're like Torah, like get to the part because you you're not talking about me. I really do have an issue attracting quality men. Okay, here you go. Because these women can't even think of the last time they've ever met a man as I've described above. Especially if they grew up without a loving father or other strong men in their lives. Like they have a hard time conceiving attracting these types of men. And so these particular ladies, they usually have a little bit more internal work to do because of various factors, such as scarcity mindset or like lower confidence. So those things might be into play here. And so these scarcity, mindset issues, lower confidence, it leads them to actually entertain lower quality. It leads them to tolerate low quality behaviors. And for example, a low, a lower quality behavior that they will entertain is a man scheduling dates and then canceling last minute over and over and over and over again. That's a lower quality behavior. Or uh having a call scheduled and the man not meeting the call and he comes back the next day over and over as if nothing happened. You ask a question to him, and if he doesn't want to answer it, he will act like he didn't see the question or hear the question or and do something else. Uh also another low quality behavior is not honoring boundaries. Like you say, you're not available to do something or talk about something. He could he's consistently like pushing you towards doing things you don't want to do, um, or convincing you of things you don't believe. Low quality behaviors. And in this case, me and my team of coaches, we will give them each a personalized plan and action items for how they'll shift that for themselves. So I'll give you an example here. If we discover that a client is dating men who don't honor her boundaries, men who ignore her special rec her special request to connect deeper, right? In in favor for his own agenda, um, like her special request might be to uh she wants to talk on the phone, and he's just like, no. Like, or or he's avoiding it. He doesn't want to have a have a phone conversation for her, right? Or if you know, and and special request also could be you are asking to go out on a particular date, like you're having a particular experience, and it's not an outlandish experience to say you wanna you wanna go somewhere, and he's like, no, and it's specifically for his own agenda because he needs you to do something else. I think one of the ladies in the group, one man, um rejected her offer. Like she wanted to go somewhere. I can't remember what it was, but the guy was like, Well, if I do this for you, then you need to go um something that had to do with the mud. Like, you need to go do this in the mud with me. And she was like, Hell, I'm not, I'm not, you know, I'm not available for that, you know, mainly because of my hair and I'm I'm not I don't want to get dirty. And so he didn't want to fulfill her request because she didn't want to go in the mud, which is ridiculous, right? So those are lower quality behaviors. So men who are making promises and not keeping them, if we discover a client is entertaining this and dating men like this, and she continues to entertain the man because she just likes the attention and she subconsciously feels like she wants to attract better, then we know that in this particular case, we're gonna need to help her build her confidence in herself and her ability to entertain better men. So she needs to build her confidence in who she is as a woman and build her confidence in her ability to entertain better men because these women don't realize that subconsciously they don't feel um like they can entertain better men. And so there are many ways we work to do this with these women to help them build their confidence. But uh in addition to the mindset work that we have in the curriculum, one of the ways that we do this is that we help uh these women establish and communicate and execute their own personal boundaries that allow them to confidently end connections to low quality men within a few days, right? No more than a week of connecting. Like, I'm like, look, let's plug this week, this leak immediately. Like, what conversations do we need to have to make this happen? Do we need to role play to make this happen? What um screenshots do we need to see? And what's like here's the plan of action based upon the screenshots you shared, the conversations that you guys have had, what you've been tolerating for the past few weeks. Like, let's plug that up today. Now it's not gonna continue anymore. And so we'll provide like the specific boundaries that she needs to establish in her life. Um, give her like uh personalized scripts to communicate it to the men if she hasn't already, because we're a big advocate of communicating your desires up front, and then executing on the boundaries when um when it's outside of alignment with her. Like, hey, like, you know, it's been a week of texting. I let you know that I'm only I only stay connected with men who plan dates. And it's been a couple, it's been a couple weeks, actually. And so if we're not gonna go on a date, we need to disconnect, right? So basically, whatever that is, and so it allows her to confidently end connections to low-quality men within a few days. And this allows her to like plug energy leaks that have been draining her because this stuff is draining you. If you're allowing this stuff to happen, if you're allowing men to text you to death, if you're allowing men to stay in your space and they're not inviting you out or you know, taking you out on dates, if you're allowing men to avoid your questions, right? If you're allowing men to cancel plans on you over and over and over again, girl has an energy leak. And it's draining you. And it's taking up space that don't allow for quality men and opportunities to enter your life. And so after we plug up those energy leaks, what we do next is that we work, we may work with them on improving their quality of their photos, bios, and conversations on the dating apps so that they can actually easily connect with quality men as early as the end of the week. So once we plug in those old energy leaks, let's get some new energy in, girl. Let's get the new men in. So what do we need to do with your profile? Because that's one of the easiest ways to get a date is to go online and get one. And I know a lot of women don't like online dating. It's just because you don't know how to do it, right? You just don't know how. But if you understand it, you can pull your quality date by the end of the week. So we work with improving the quality of her photos, her bio, and help tweak her conversations with men on the dating app so that she can easily connect with quality men as early as the end of the week. And when these ladies commit to this kind of work, let me tell you something. They be reporting back some of the dopest wins within a couple of weeks about how their energy has completely shifted. Like they've been feeling drained and overwhelmed, right? They've completely shifted from that. They feel energized now, they feel excited, they feel optimistic, how they feel more confident, and how the men that they're now dating are exceeding their expectations from when they first started. Okay. Not only are they dating higher quality men at this point, but they're feeling like higher quality women. So if you are on here and you're like, yo, Tor, like I actually do have issues attracting quality men, like, I actually do have that issue, this is what you would need to do for yourself. You need to comb through your life and you need to figure out where are your energy leaks? Where are you entertaining men who don't entertain or who don't honor your boundaries? Where are you entertaining men who ignore your request? Where are you entertaining men who are making promises and not keeping them? Where? Where are you entertaining men who are texting you to death when you know you want dates? This is the place that is taking you away from experiencing the quality that you desire. It's the energy leak and it's draining and it's overwhelming. You need to comb through your life and you need to get rid of that. Plug those leaks, girl. And then the next thing you need to do is you need to also comb through your life and find ways for you to enhance what you got going on so that you can attract the types of men that you want. In the first place, I would recommend you do is to go online, enhance your photos, spruce up your bio, spruce up your profile. When you do this right, I promise you you can pull a quality date in the at the end of the week. I've done this too many times. I work with too many women. You can do this at the end by the end of the week, plug those old energy leaks, and let's bring some new energy in and make sure that what you're not available for, you quickly decline what's what does not align. Quickly and own and entertain um what is in alignment. And I'm not saying that the man has to be completely aligned with your faith, your beliefs, and your values, but he has to be um in alignment with how you want to date. You want to have phone calls, needs to be in alignment with that. You want to go on dates, he needs to be uh in alignment with that. Okay. Those types of things. So if you need help with any of this, if you need help improving your ability to attract. And build deep connections with quality men who will pursue you for marriage or your preferred desire constellation. This is exactly what we can help you do in Curve to Cuff, my 12-week private mentorship program for high-achieving women of faith. We will also help you create healthy dating habits that lead you to have delicious and fun dating experiences, as well as work with you to create your own personal set of core values and live by them so that you're able to put yourself first and attract men who respect you for it. It's a life and love-changing program that now has hundreds of incredible alumni who are the cufflinks who you get to meet and build relationships with in our private community. So if you're interested in enrolling in the upcoming cohort, uh you can join at the link in the show notes at curved number twocuff.com slash apply. Even though you don't have to apply anymore. But the link will be in the show notes for you to go. You can enroll as soon as today if you are interested. Or if you're like, well, Torah, I kind of want to get to know more about what's in there. I want to hear more about, I want to be able to ask you some questions. Just come to my masterclasses. I host them weekly on Thursdays. Just hop into any one of those. Um, listen to the um the training and then ask me questions at the end. Let me clear, clear some things up for you. And if you come to the training, you'll also see like dozens of women who have been able to change their love lives dramatically at different ages, uh, different regions of the country, uh, different sizes, so plus size, you know, average build, women who are entrepreneurs, women are in corporate America, different races of women, right? Older women, younger women, however, you know, come get this work. I want it for you. I want your life to be changed. I want this Love of Girl movement to spread near, far. I want it to spread like the four corners of the earth. Because there's no reason why the women of God should not be living a prosperous life, not just in health and wealth, but also in love and relationships. So, all right, girl, you know what to do. If you enjoyed this episode, go ahead and leave me a written review. I love them so much. Makes me feel so warm and fuzzy inside. And until next time, bye. If you thought this episode was dope and you learned from it, it would be amazing if you could take a screenshot, post, and tag me on Instagram at Torresense. I would absolutely love to connect with you over there. And if you're serious about leveling up in your love life, you gotta check out Curve to Cuff. It's my 12-week mentorship program for high-achieving women of faith who want to build a rotation of quality men in 90 days or less so they can choose their legacy partner in as early as a year. You could apply to join the next cohort at curve to cuff.com slash details. That's curved, the number two cuff.com forward slash details. I'd love to have you join the next cohort of C2C. And remember, never settle because you have choices. Choose how you want to love, choose who you want to date, and always choose to date with sense.