DWC REWIND: The Mis-Education of the Good Girl

We live in a time where women have more choices than ever before. 

We can buy our own property…we can go to school for whatever…we can choose our own careers, we can play professional sports. 

We can even go to war if we want to. 

And  even with all of these modern freedoms…we still have societal chains that keep us in bondage…

…that keeps us from TRULY being who we want to be and DOING what we want to do. 

And this directly impacts our ability to have deep, authentic dating experiences and abundant, expansive love lives. 

In today’s episode, I expose how Women of Faith have allowed the “Good Girl Complex” to keep them small in their love lives. We are trading our personal freedom to be slaves to our comfort zone and for people pleasing and male approval.  And it’s destroying the way we live and love because of fear and shame. 

HERE’S WHAT YOU’LL DISCOVER: . 

• What it means to “fall in love” and why you should be doing it as often as possible while dating. 

• How Caresha (Young Miami) chose her own romantic path, but is still triggered by it.  

• The real reason why “good girls” police other women’s life choices concerning her body, sex and dating practices. 

• The truth of how following male relationship gurus really condition you to stay under male domination and control.

• Why men will praise you for being “wife material”, but never try to make you their wife. 

Be sure to get more dating gems by following me on Instagram at:

@torahcents 

@curved2cuffed

Transcript

Mom Watches Her Son Grow

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hello, Queen. What's up, girl? Welcome back to my podcast. They was this podcast. Do you know by the time that you listen to this podcast, girl, my son, my one and only child, will be 18 December 22nd. It's freaking crazy. It blows my mind. I just remember this small child in a baby in my arms as a teenager. And now this young man towers over me. He's like 6'3, and I'm looking up and like, I can't believe he came out of me. And like he has his own personality and his own way of doing things, his own opinions. And I just find it completely fascinating. So I'm really excited about having an 18-year-old and the transition as he is moving from being an adolescent into adulthood. So y'all keep me in y'all prayers. So I got another dope mind-shifting episode for you today, girl. But first, I gotta let you know that Lover Girl Weekend is ready for enrollment. And if you do not know what Lover Girl Weekend is, it's an exclusive, intimate, in-person retreat with me in Dallas for women of faith who desire an immersive experience. And it's from March 16th, the evening of March 16th, to March 19th in Dallas, Texas. So as I have said over and over again, either on Clubhouse or on Instagram, we are officially in the Lover Girl era. And a lover girl is a queen who successfully loves herself unconditionally, which leads to her effortlessly inspiring others to fall in love with her. She is a change maker. She's not just coloring in the lines and following all the dots and all the rules. She lives and loves on her own terms, regardless of what other people think about it. She's courageous. She's captivating. She's convinced of who she is and the power that she has to always create love, romance, and abundance in her life. And the Lover Girl Weekend retreat is an opportunity for you to have uninterrupted space to slow down, invite new possibilities, as well as implement my teachings in real time. And so this retreat is for you if you desire to move from repressing who you are into a more healthy self-expression of your true essence, which is really required when you want to have a uh a deep experience with love and men. They need to be able to feel and experience you. It is for you if you want to practice intimacy with yourself and expanding your capacity to be intimate with men. And by intimate, I don't mean sex, I mean allowing yourself to be truly seen, heard, understood, so that you could emotionally bond with men. Um, if you desire authentic conversations that are centered around you, men, love, romance, if you desire the freedom to think, feel, believe, and act in a way that is most aligned with you and who you are, versus playing a role that pleases everyone else, you know, having the good girl syndrome. And if it's for you, if you desire less head knowledge, because listen to my podcast or like watching my videos and things like that, you can learn a lot about what I teach and be able to regurgitate it to other people. But there's a difference between having the head knowledge and actually embodying the work that I teach. So you don't have to think about it. You don't have to question. You can make romantic decisions without second-guessing yourself. It is for you if you desire fun and play that will reinforce your confidence as well as unleash your creativity so that you can always come up with innovative solutions and resources to support yourself and your love life. So if you've had a habit of being the good girl, playing that role, censoring, second-guessing yourself, always in your head instead of connecting with men and other people while grounded in your body. If you feel like you're still a slave to what others think and you want to feel the freedom to think, feel, and act the way you want to, this retreat is just for you. Okay. And for the holidays, I have created special pricing and a special payment plan for those who apply, because you gotta apply to come to this so that we make sure that everyone's on the same page in the room and secure their spots by December 31st. And at the December 31st, the investment will increase. Now we have limited spots. It's only for 12 women. Five of those spots are for women who are going to be staying in the house with me as well as uh receiving one-on-one sessions with me. Um, and then the rest of the spots uh will be off campus and you'll need to travel to the home. Anywho, so if you desire more details, head over to the show notes and click the link that I have for you there. So, all right, back to our episode today. We live in a time where women have more choices than ever before. We can buy our own property, we can go to school for whatever we want, we can choose our own careers, we can even go to war, play professional sports. And even with all this going on, we still have societal chains that keeps us in bondage from truly being who we want to be and doing what we want to do. And this directly impacts our ability to have a deep, authentic dating experience and an expressive, expansive love life. So I have another Clubhouse clip for you, and it's all about the good girl complex that many of us, women of faith, have and how our need for approval, our desire to people please, our fear of doing things wrong, it's really killing our freedom to be who we are, and it's stopping us from attracting the men who can accept us for who we are, and it's also keeping us from creating the love life we desire. So, without further ado, here is the clip. But specifically for my women of faith, we are always looking outside of ourselves for what is our next move. And this is why I always teach y'all that I don't have rules for y'all. When y'all say, Torah, should I do this or should I do that? Torah, what should I do? I never give you an answer. The first thing I ask you is, what do you think you should do in this particular situation? Torah, he didn't text me back for three days. What should I do? Should I talk to him again or should I cut him off? I'm not going to tell you. Torah, he's been asking me to go exclusive with him. And it's been three months. What should I do? I'm not gonna tell you. Torah, which dating app should I join? I'm not going to tell you. Do I have guidelines on specific situations on how you should see things? I focus on how your mind works and giving and providing you a shift in perspective, but I do not tell you what to do. And because as women of faith, we have all of this outside. We're always looking for the external and rules. And which is there's a lot of people pleasing in this too, when you think about it. If I follow the rules, no one's gonna look at me crazy. No one's gonna think I'm desperate. If I follow the rules, no one is gonna talk bad about me or think bad about me. I'm gonna be the good girl following the rules. Everyone is gonna think I'm doing great, versus asking yourself, bump the rules. What do I desire? What do I want? If there were no rules, if I wasn't a people pleaser, if I wasn't looking to follow the crowd, if I wasn't trying to fit in with the level up society, the femininity journey club, the traditional wife route, the Proverbs 31 on Friday click, whatever. If I wasn't trying to fit in somewhere, what would my desire be? If I didn't care about being seen as a good girl, what would my desire be? If I didn't care about how men thought about me, because a lot of us are making choices because of what we think men think. And I want to say something, and I love Carisha, Young Miami, but she still cares too much about what people think, about what the men think about her. People have been giving her a really hard time ever since she started publicly dating Diddy. And although she said multiple times, we are not exclusive, we are an item, we are not exclusive. We do our own thing. The men consistently will follow up. And there's there's some women too, but like these women are male identified. They're like, oh no, she's the side chick. She's she's letting him do whatever he wants. And she responds. And recently, Diddy just had a new baby girl born what, today? Yesterday? And Carisha's arguing with the men, specifically academics. And I'm like, who's arguing with academics in 2023? I'ma just say that. Who's arguing with him? So Roshana said the baby was born in October. They just released it. So they just released it. And so academics were saying, you know, Diddy had a baby on y'all, and young Miami, side chick. And she's arguing with him. And she's posting it, it sound, it sounds like, like, if this stuff doesn't bother you, you don't have to scream on the internet about it. And apparently the things that these men are saying is bothering her. Because she can still choose to date Diddy with his whole baby and all, and continue to get her checks and be completely fine, doing her thing. But because of the narrative that men have created, she feels pricked by it. She can't truly have her hot girl summer, spring, and fall and winter because she's still also kind of still in the people-pleasing mode, still in the I need to be seen a certain way. And it's creating an issue. You aren't triggered by things that you are convicted are not true. You're not triggered by it. So for example, I've used an example before I walk up to, you know, Winnie, clearly a beautiful African queen, and then I say, like, I'm a I'm a a mean girl, and I'm like, yeah, I don't F with Winnie. I don't, I don't F with uh Mexican girls, like Winnie. Winnie knows she's not Mexican. That doesn't prick her at all. It doesn't trigger her at all. Or Winnie has dark hair. If I say, yeah, Winnie, your purple hair is ugly. Winnie doesn't have purple hair. That's not gonna trigger her. You're only triggered by things somewhere inside of you feels true, feels insecure. One of the things I love about helping women of faith create amazing love lives and date amazing men, whether they're plus size, they're single mothers, whether they are seasoned in their 50s and 60s, whether they're dark skinned, super tall, super short, divorced, is because their lives are so yummy that nothing those men can say can trigger them. You can say that high-quality men don't want you, and it means nothing. It doesn't even reach your ears because of how you as a plus-sized woman are having men wait on you hand in foot, investing in you emotionally, providing, protecting, and building for you. You don't care about random people on the internet saying what big girls can't have if you are a single mother. You don't care about what random niggas on the internet are saying about them, about being a leftovers. Yeah, single mothers, no, no good man wants a ready-made family with single mothers. Say no to single mothers. They've ruined their lives. No one wants to raise another man's child. You gotta settle for less. When you have these men not only taking care of you, but your kids too, making sure you and your kids straight, nothing they say could penetrate you at all. The only thing that you will be experiencing is the amazingness of the men in your your life and your kids' lives. Random people on the internet, they're in your periphery. It's it's not even like you don't even exist to me. And this is why people were so offended with Kevin Samuels. Because he said, you're 35 and older, you're used goods. You lost your value. That triggered certain women because somewhere inside they believed it. If they had several delicious yummy men providing, protecting, and building for them, Kevin Samuels would not have been talked about or shared. There will be no outrages, there will be no petitions because he will be irrelevant. You don't create petitions and report people that you think are irrelevant, but you've made them relevant because you've made their words mean things. And I'm, I'm always, I've always been rooting for young Miami, Carisha. But for some reason, there's something still inside of her that seeks approval. She has to let everybody know that she's not a side chick today. She was saying all types of stuff. Let me go to some of the stuff that she said. I was like, dang, Carisha. Academic said, Diddy different. My nigga done effed around and had a side baby on his harem of side chicks, brother love, a real one with laughing emojis. He didn't even call her out by name, and she responds, I'm nobody's side, bitch. Let's just make this clear on this good Monday. I don't come second to no bitch. Diddy won't even look at half of y'all bitches' way. Majority of y'all preying upon a falling star. Bitch, please. Bitches be like, I can never. I can, bitch. And that's the difference. She says, you sit your fat, scary asses in the house talking all day online, come outside. Police ass booty boy. Wow, Carisha. Academics, my name ain't Dick. So keep it at your mouth. You the type of nigga my uncle doing life sentences for. Bitch. I'm nobody side, bitch. Like it was clear. If you didn't know she was pressed before, it was clear there. There was no need for all of that. If you know what you know, what you know, what you know, what you know, you don't have to convince the world because they'll never believe you anyway. They want you to suffer. Academics loves to watch women suffer. That's been his thing for years. He doesn't really get into it with men. Y'all gotta pay attention to this. So something within Carisha believes she's she's not important. She's a side chick. Something in her, because none of that would trigger her. That's like somebody coming telling me, yeah, your son don't even love you. Simone's son don't even love her. Torah, Torah's son about to be 18. He don't even love her. What? Okay. Even though the fact he told, um, he blocked me on his Twitter. I mean, not Twitter, his uh TikTok, nobody can tell me my son don't love me. Even though he told me not to follow that, I follow some pretty girl he put in his stories, and I followed her, and he told me not to follow. He was like, People, mom, people don't need to know you're my mom. I was like, okay, Vaughn. There's nothing you can tell me that my son doesn't love me. Something within Carisha believes that. But let's circle back to the the desire. I use Carisha as an example of having a desire and being able to create, like having the freedom to choose what you want to do and just being convicted of that, right? But going back to woman of faith and desire, a lot of women actually talk down about Carisha because of her choice to do that with Diddy, not realizing that we don't have our own, we don't have approval for our own freedom as women. And this is why we have to make Carisha look bad. This is why we have to say things that he don't really want her like that. Oh, he just stringing her along. We have to create narratives. A lot of times, because we're not happy with our own situations. I'm telling you, when you're happy with your own situation, like you look at other people's stuff, it's just like it don't prick you. You don't get outraged. When you live a luscious life, it just don't, it just don't prick you when people, people not bothering each other. They're not bothering you. They're living their life. It just don't hit you like that. And I used to be one of those women. And I and I had to come to realize it was because I didn't have approval for my own freedom. It was kind of like I hated my own commitment to my good girl status. I actually just I didn't realize I was despising my own commitment to my good girl status. So I had to find a way to control other women or police other women so that everyone could be like me. I didn't know it at the time. Now I know that's what it was. As long as I can police you, as long as I can police you, then, you know, because I'm scared to live in my truth. I'm trying to be a good girl. I need pats on the head. I need approval. I need people to be like, yeah. I mean, really, that's what a lot of us are on. We don't realize it, but subconsciously, that's why we don't make certain decisions. That's why we don't take certain risks. That's why we don't look to access our real desires. And we want the approval of men. It also reminds me of what just recently happened between Derek Jackson and Daniah, his wife. You know, everybody has known how I felt about Derek Jackson since when, Winnie? Since when?

SPEAKER_00 21:14

I think um when oh yeah, you did yeah, you did talk about him when he was something was making the videos because it was a bunch of them doing that. You did mention that.

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SPEAKER_01 21:28

It was years ago. Yeah. Before I was a dating coach. He's one of the reasons why I didn't want to be one. And I was trying to tell the women that I was teaching, I don't like, I don't even want his videos posted in my group. And they'd be like, Torah, he's telling the truth about these men. And I was just like, Y'all can't see that this man is candering. You can't see that this man is only focused on the victim consciousness of women and feeding off of their victimhood. You can't see that, huh? And I remembered all throughout the years, because my I my audience had always had some love affair with Derek for some reason back then. And so I would all I would always watch his videos to like stay abreast of what he was teaching. And there was always this type of woman that he would describe that he wanted. But when he got exposed for cheating, it led me to his wife, Dania, which I have a lot of empathy for, who I have a lot of empathy for, because she has the church girl syndrome. Like, and I I work with women of faith, so I understand this. And she has high levels of it. I went back on her Instagram and her posts because I was like, I just need to study this woman. I need to, I want to know more about this woman who chose this man. I just was curious. Right. And I went I went back to old posts and saw how even though she was striving to be this good girl, she noticed earlier on what her husband was attracted to. Even though he was saying what he was saying out of his mouth, like she has posts like from way back when. Like I went way back, of her cognitive dissonance, of trying to be this good girl for her husband, you know, woman of God, the Proverbs 31 woman. Because Deniah is a baddie. I don't know if you guys have ever seen her in her prime. Not saying she's not a her prime, but when she wasn't trying to fit in the good girl box, Denia's a baddie, what they would call one, right? She's a very beautiful woman. And she was telling herself, like, I'm trying to, in the words in her post, I'm trying to fit into this mold. And I'm trying to compete with the women who catch his eye at the same time. And then it got to the point where she gave up. Read the post that she wrote, the post she was writing, it got to the point where she pretty much kind of gave up trying to compete. Cause it was stressing her out. It was really stressing her out. And I think that's the moment when she went full girl, full holy girl. Because she's like, I can't compete with them. So let me go full-fledged the other side, what he says he wants. She did it. And the whole time she's posting about modesty and covering up and holy girl summer. Um, one of those videos, she's actually, like, he's in there with her, smiling and laughing. You know, this whole time, like he's on the internet showing everything: biceps, triceps, pictorial muscles, the whole ab shelf, the little, yeah, you can almost see the D'Angelo little slit and some of the stuff he was showing. Now, this isn't me off me shaming him for showing his body. This is just me showing the difference, the contrast of what she was teaching women how they should be. He was teaching women how they should be, yet he was operating completely different. This is why I tell y'all to stop doing things for men approval. Stop it. Because these men teachers, these men coaches, these men dating girls, girls, they're going to teach you so that you stay under their under male control. If you pay attention to these teachers, I don't care who it is, I don't care if it's your precious Tony Gaskins. I don't give a damn. They are all teaching you to stay under male control, to stay under male approval. All of the things they're teaching you is to stay in the lines. You think that you're getting it from the horse's mouth. Like, yeah, why wouldn't I learn about a man from a man? He's gonna tell me the truth. Okay. Why don't you learn from someone who knows how to get the man? Because here's the thing: these men think will tell you they want one thing. I've been writing about this, making videos about this, running my mouth about this for years. About how men will say they want one thing, and best believe some of them actually really truly believe it. Yeah, I want, I want this. Uh, y'all, I don't want a woman like this, and I don't want a woman like that, and she needs to be this. Where was all where were these men tearing down y'all's church to get to y'all? Raise your hand if y'all had men tearing down to get into the church to get at y'all. The men that say that they want these proverbs 301. Women that keep their legs closed. Modest woman that don't show all their assets. How many of them was beat down y'all's door? If anything, they went outside of the church and converted those women. If anything, now how many of y'all know men who have left the church to go get them a woman that wasn't in there and bought her back? I've seen it plenty of times. You see it all the time. He don't want nobody at the church. These men will tell you one thing, but they don't realize what actually activates them, what stimulates them, what excites them. What they do know is what they would rather control. Someone agreeable, somebody who's gonna be cooperative. Ain't that the word they like to use? Cooperative. Someone who's gonna keep their legs closed. Like they're gonna tell you to do all these things because that's what they think that they want. It's logical to them, but these but the men are not making logical decisions when it comes to falling in love with their partners. They're making emotional decisions. And then trying to justify it with logic, kind of like Trevor Noah boosting black women up in his farewell speech and saying how much he couldn't have done it without black women, but he's only dated non-black women. Sir, we hear what you're saying, but we see what you do. We're so unimpressed. Well, I will say I'm unimpressed because I've been I've been looking at one of the Trevor Noah videos, and black women are like, thank you, Trevor, for acknowledging us. I've been brought to tears, Trevor. We love you for acknowledging us. I'm like, y'all just don't understand. It's no different than the good girls in the church getting praise. Men will praise you and talk about how chaste you are and how amazing you are, and how much wife material you are, and they will never wife you. They will talk about how you're gonna make an amazing wife one day and will never try to date you. They will. They will Trevor Noah, your ass. Black women couldn't have done it without you. I love it. I love you. And has Trevor ever dated a black woman? Ever? I don't think he's ever dated. Y'all sh y'all let me find out. I don't think he's ever dated a black woman. His dating history is very non-black. Now, does this mean that he needs to date black? No, absolutely not. Right? Absolutely not. You don't have to use us for clot as a way to further your mission. That is where the problem comes in as using black women to further your agenda when you won't date us. That is the same thing that a lot of the men do, is that they use women of faith who are abstinent, good girls, who follow the rules, who don't rock the boat, who do as they're told to further their agenda as men. I'm gonna date and marry the girl I really want, but we need these women in line so that women just don't get out of control. So that I can still have these women further my agenda in my corner when I need them. We need women of faith so that it doesn't get too crazy out here. And some men will even marry women like that, make a logical choice to say, yes, this is my wife, she's not gonna get out of line. But I'ma still go out there and frolic with what I really want. I just, I just wanna make sure my wife is somebody I can put my, put under my thumb. That's how, you know, a lot of them think. And even the the well-meaning ones, you know, I have men that I know that I love dearly, and I think they are incredible, but they still have a similar mentality and they don't realize it. Like I point it out every now and again, and I'm like, you don't, you don't realize that you don't have true respect for the feminine. Like, number one, because you have to control how we behave for you to value us. We have too much sex, we're no longer worthy of respect. It's not just, hey, you know, I'm actually unavailable to talk to a woman that has had so many sexual partners, you know, for my own health and safety. No, it's not that. It's like you are now the scum of the earth, and you have no value in society now that you've had so much sex. You skanky whore, all right? You ratchet bitch. You're for the streets. You ran through. It's like, wow, like the value just keeps going down and down versus like, hey, yeah, I'm just, I'm just not into women who've had that many sexual. And so when they start noticing women actually living lives that they desire and not coloring in the lines, women who choose them first, choose themselves first over what everyone else is saying, you notice they start to get angry. That's when they start hurling insults and attempting to dehumanize you. Because as long as they can make you feel like shit, they can control you. As soon as their insults no longer work on you because you created the love life, the life that you desire, they're irrelevant. And this is going back to Kevin Samuels, he was only relevant because we agreed with him subconsciously. And so when it comes to Denia, I I don't know if I'm pronouncing her name correctly. It could be Denea, Denia. One thing I would love for her to do is to start coloring outside of the lines. She would be a whole problem if she decided to really tap into her true desires versus the box she thinks she's supposed to exist in. She could make her comeback much more savage than her setback and the whole, the whole internet would rally behind her. She could, listen, I would have Denia on with a whole rotation of high-quality men posting on her stories and everything, all her dates she's going on. I would love to do that for her. I would love her, I would love to see her get wined and dined and men pulling up for her kids. Because what, you know, this is the pattern. I don't know if this is gonna happen, but this is the pattern. The pattern is man marries woman he can control because it's the logical choice, and he doesn't understand that it is. Man gets bored with woman he can control because I'm telling y'all, like I told y'all about the bomb ass experience, the part of the emotional connecting with the man is the challenge. Even like, and I'm not talking about obnoxiously challenging a man by being rude and disrespectful, like challenging him to operate at a higher level. Inspiring him to be better, have better, want better, no matter how successful he is. But when you're a woman who can be controlled, you don't have the capacity to do that. So the man gets bored. Now, I want to be very careful. I am not saying this is this woman's fault. I'm just saying this is how this is what happens, this is the pattern. He marries, he gets bored of the woman because he can control her, and then he either samples what he really wants, or he leaves for what he really wants. You know, some men choose to stick with the wife and just do their sampling, right? On the side. And I'm talking about monogamous marriages, people who decide it to be monogamous, not you poly people in my room. So he leaves and then he immediately has the love life that he wants. He's dating the women that he wants, and he'll be, he can be married again within the next one or two years and starting a new family. But what happens is the woman that he got bored with and he had kids with, she's still trying to be the good girl, which usually leaves these women single for 5, 10, 15, 20 years. Some never get remarried. He done moved on to have all types of kids. Pay attention to the movies you watch. If there is one parent that did not remarry, let's say everybody coming back for Christmas, if there's one parent that didn't remarry, it's always the woman. It's always the mama that didn't remarry. Usually it's either both parents got remarried, or usually the ex-husband that moved on with his family, and the mama is still saying, just watch, just the movies even tell you. So based upon that pattern, I feel like Deniah is going to be single for a very long time, a single mom, as long as she sticks to the good girl, color in the lines, performative, holy girl summer stuff. So I just want all you women in the faith in the room, I hope you are paying attention to what I'm saying. When it comes to looking to be approved by the men, this is not male hate speech. This isn't a hit piece on men. I freaking love men. They are delicious and yummy. But I there's nuances, and I still can't deny that all, especially like dating them and knowing that they will say they want one thing and just showing up another. Like Team Torah would can't even testify to how men, or the cufflinks, how men would be like, I never would do this for women. I I I would, I told myself I would never be doing this for a woman that they be doing for them. How you got me out here doing this for you? I don't even do this for women. This seemed like it would be some simp stuff. Well, sir, simple. Stop making it mean something. Because you're doing these things not from a place of logic. You're doing it because you are activated emotionally. She touched places in you that you didn't even know needed to be massaged. And you're excited about it. And that is why you're doing things you wouldn't do for other women or before in the past. She didn't appeal to your mind. She appealed to your soul and she snatched it. That is why you don't get turned on because you can control a woman. Well, some men do. You know, they're like borderline rape, they're like people who are rapists and stuff like that. But for the most part, it's not a turn-on. It's an easier way of life for them to be able to control women. One thing one of my teachers said is to never allow a man to suck, to use your life force for his ego. And that is what I see happened over the years between them. It's like I I like Derek really used this woman's life force, and it really humiliated her publicly multiple times. And she had to navigate this. And honestly, I know people were mad about her cursing, sending curses off on people, but I'm sharp this didn't happen before, considering, like, y'all literally have to imagine this woman's husband is internationally recognized and known. And black Twitter, black Facebook, it listen, it reached the news, national news. It went past the black community. You got Fox News covering it. The whole world, TMZ, is covering how your dating expert of a husband was teaching women how to act, how to be, how to spot men. Didn't even let people know he was married until this incident happened. Like, imagine what kind of like stress this woman had to be under. Like the amount of pressure while she is attempting to pray and post her scriptures. Because again, I follow her. She posts the scriptures every day, church sermons every day. If you go to her stories now, it's filled with church sermons and scripture quotes and God is always with you. And it's still to this day, it's still like that. I'm shocked she didn't be cussed and cursed everybody out. They started a bonnet gate talking about the woman's bonnet, the bonnet of salvation. Y'all, she did start a selling bonnet of salvation on her shop. I did like that. She put that bonnet in her shop. But I can just imagine how much pressure there was on this woman. And so I do empathize with her. Like her, her sending curses. Like, I didn't take that personal whatsoever. I was just like, she was just doing like David in the book of Psalms. You know? She started cussing people who was gonna, you know, put bad on her family name. I was just like, people did a lot of cursing in the Bible, like actual cursing people. So that actually didn't offend me whatsoever. You know, people were like fake outrage, like, how could she be a Christian and curse? I'm like, do you read your Bible? Mars was cursing people all the time. You know, she fallen in line with what she teaches. And I'm not speaking lies or ill, you know. I'm not even tripping about it. But I do understand. This is kind of this is what happens when we're living for that approval, for that male approval. I know she's framing it like it's about God, but go back and read some of her first post on Instagram, her older post, she was warring with herself and trying to please that man. And I tell y'all all the time, like, even when it comes to my husband, like when I tell y'all all the time, like when we first got married, lost my voice in my marriage, and I was allowing my life force to be used for the sake of submission and being a good wife, and had me out here looking older, had me feeling older. I had gained a ton of weight. I was almost 200 pounds at one time, you know? And I really wanted the approval of my husband. I really wanted the validation, which is why I love that I'm able to like share from this side to the cuff links to my students, my clients, because getting married showed me how the work is always in process. It never stops. And if you think you're done when you're married, think again. It is a new journey. Even when you get a husband, you do not need the approval of your man. This might be hard for some of us to grasp, because it's like, You know, he the head of the household. You do not need the approval of your man. Both of you need to acknowledge each other as sovereign beings and adults. Neither of you need to be trying to control each other because both of you are on your own journeys. What I would love for you to do is walk into, no, run into the Love of Girl era, where you're able to express your desires clearly and be convicted of those desires and have other people execute on those desires where you show up and you own any space that you walk into because you don't succumb to anybody else's energy. You are the mover of the energy where you're able to fall in love over and over and over and over and over again, multiple times in a year, several times in a year, and not make it mean anything has to happen, but you feeling like you are floating in the clouds. Where you're able to create a lifestyle that you that centers you as the sun and your love life solar system. A lifestyle that you love. You are centered and you are love and men also love it. Where you create a lifestyle that collects quality men wherever you go, that provide, protect, and build for you, whether you're dating them or not. Where you are empowered by your sexual choices, including I am going to have sex and own it, or I am not going to have sex, I'm going to be absent. I'm going to be celibate, but be empowered in those choices, not doing them or doing them for people pleasing or to color in the lines. That's what I want for you. So if you want that for yourself, put Love a Girl in the chat. All right, queen. I hope that you can see that when we bend over backwards to get love, to have love, to hold on to love, it actually keeps us from truly experiencing love. Love for ourselves and who we are and love from others because we're consistently trying to fit in boxes where we don't belong, color in lines where we don't want to be, and hold ourselves to a standard that we don't even want for ourselves. So let's just be authentic, let's be real, let's be open, let's follow our desires. Let's step into the love of girl era. All right, queen. Until next time, chat soon. If you thought this episode was dope and you learned from it, it would be amazing if you could take a screenshot, post, and tag me on Instagram at TorSense. I would absolutely love to connect with you over there. And if you're serious about leveling up in your love life, you gotta check out Curve to Cuff. It's my 12-week mentorship program for high-achieving women of faith who want to build a rotation of quality men in 90 days or less so they can choose their legacy partner in as early as a year. You can apply to join the next cohort at curve tocuff.com slash details. That's curved, the number twocuff.com forward slash details. I'd love to have you join the next cohort of C2C. And remember, never settle because you have choices. Choose how you want to love, choose who you want to date, and always choose to date with sense.