DWC REWIND: How To Show Up As A Quality Woman Who Attracts Quality Men

“There’s not enough quality men out here for quality women.”

That’s the lie we tell ourselves when we’re not ready to do the work. 

The truth is that there are more than enough quality men for quality women

AND quality women aren’t finding it hard to meet these men. 

Why?

Because they are doing the real work towards creating the love lives the desire

And that work is deeper than being a nice girl who has her shit together. 

It’s deeper than being educated, financially stable and knowing how to cook and clean. 

Listen to this episode as I share with you the REAL work that quality women are doing daily that allows them to attract, meet and connect with an abundance of quality men. 

HERE’S WHAT YOU’LL DISCOVER: 

• What it really means to “work on yourself” while dating. 

• The difference between a decent woman and a quality woman

• A quality woman’s biggest super power that helps her navigate dating. 

• The high-quality characteristics that attract high-quality men

• Why it’s important to embrace “messiness” on your dating journey

Be sure to get more dating gems by following me on Instagram at:

@torahcents 

@curved2cuffed

Transcript

Welcome And Why This Clip

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Welcome back to my podcast. I'm so glad you're in my podcast. Hello, hello, hello, queen. So I am feeling extremely relaxed today. I had a really great weekend. It was very productive. And not because I got some good work done, not just because of that, but also because I got a lot of rest in. I was able to relax. And then I had an incredible call with the Cufflinks this past weekend. Absolutely love coaching the clients from C2C on Sundays. The community is just unmatched. The amount of love and introspection and growth in that room, in that virtual room, is just, I couldn't be grateful enough for that. And I'm just, I think to myself, like, wow, this is amazing. But anyway, today is a special episode of the podcast. I'm actually going to let you listen in on a clip from Clubhouse where I went on a long tangent about like what it really takes to be a high-quality woman who attracts high-quality men and blame it on Christina. It's her fault. She asked me a question and I like 30 minutes, answered it. Took 30 minutes to answer it. Normally, and I open up a room on Clubhouse. I wait for the Queens to raise their hands, to ask questions, and I coach them. But on this particular day, I was I was filled with so much passion. And one reason why is because my husband pissed me off earlier that day. So that was one reason. And but also number two, I had seen way too many posts in my Facebook group that week from women who were very upset that they were not running into the types of men that they desire. They were being discouraged because they're like, hey, I'm out here working on myself. Where are the men that are working on themselves? Where are the quality men? And so yeah, I just had a lot of passion around that and went off on the tangent after Christina asked me a question. And apparently the tangent was so juicy that people were watching the replay like crazy. And even those that like missed it, they were like pulling up on Nina, our fairy godmother, for the link to the replay, asking about it. So because of this, I decided to add it to the podcast so that you can listen to it on the go without needing access to the internet. Or if you don't have the Clubhouse app, you don't care about having a Clubhouse app, you're not really big on Clubhouse, and you still want to listen in, I'm adding it to the podcast. So without further ado, here's the clip. So sit back, Queen, and enjoy the show.

SPEAKER_00 3:25

Hey, Torah. Yes, ma'am. While you were chatting, I wanted to, if I could, um just throw in that in order to attract these different types of men, it also requires you to do the work and show up as a quality woman. So I don't know if you want to speak to that.

Decent Versus High-Quality Woman

Dating As A Spiritual Practice

Stop Consuming Start Implementing

Your Superpower Is Emotional Processing

Life Is 50% Pain Accept It

Fail On Purpose Learn Faster

Key Takeaways And How To Join

SPEAKER_01 3:41

Christina unmuting y'all this week. Y'all need to go get all the clips from her because it's her coach takeover. And she just been like, Tora, can I interject? Torah, can I unmute? Yes, baby. You can inter you can interject the whole clubhouse. But yeah, so people look at Christina with so much awe. People look at people like Faith, people like Winnie, Rashonda, and they're like, yo, I really want to get to this point. And specifically Christina, as she's doing her coach takeover, Christina is the queen at magnetizing men, right? Off the cuff with her words, making raving fans out of these men. And we look at it and we're like, teach me your ways, Christina. She's able to attract quality men and not just quality men with like quality men, like these men, a lot of these men have coins, right? These are providers. And these men show up and have so much support. I remember they had a snowstorm up in Boston. Christina called three different men, and two of them showed up to shovel her snow. How many inches was it? 20 inches? 21 inches, girl. 21 inches of snow. She had three men that she could call up to come help shovel her snow. And that's what I mean. Like, this is not about just creating options, man. We just, it's a whole lifestyle. And so women are like, teach me your ways, Christina. Christina did the work over the years to level up and become the woman that she is now. She did not just start off this way. She makes it look damn easy, though. That's not how it started. And I often remind some of y'all that when Christina, when she um joined C2C and she reached out to me and she says, I think I have a bad picker. And I'm like, no, you don't. You don't have a bad picker. There's just some skills that have to be developed. And one of the skills that she worked on is her identity and who she was as a woman and how she chose to show up. So I'm, and I'm talking to the C2C Queens because one of the ways that we do this is through the TTS guide. And Christina was very adamant about moving into the next level of her version. Who do I need to be? I need to be open-minded. Who do I need to be? I need to be resourceful. Who do I need to be creative? Which is why y'all see her killing it on social media when it comes to attracting quality men. She became very creative with that process. Who do I need to be? I need to be create courageous. Who do I need to be? Or I need to be fli flirty. Who do I need to be? And it took a lot of self-work for her to get here. And so when we're talking about attracting quality men, right? What kind of woman am I? Because a lot of times we think because we are women who keep our legs closed and we not in the streets, and we a good girl, and we know how to cook and clean and we're financially stable and we got a good job and we educated. We seem to think that that equates to me being a quality woman. Again, if you listen to my podcast, I talk about the difference between a decent man and a quality man. Walmart is decent. Nordstroms is quality. And so you thinking that because you are doing basic things in life, that because you're not doing what women that you think are lower than you are doing, you think that that makes you quality or high quality. When in our actuality, a lot of that is just being decent. You decent because you're able to do these things. You're like you would make a decent wife. That's decency. What is high quality? What is separating you from every other woman who is as educated and as financially capable as you? Now, this isn't me talking about, oh, you need to be fit, fine, and feminine. If you think that that's what I'm saying, I'm definitely not saying that. Are you a woman who understands how powerful she is, right? So, for example, you can have all these things and be so stricken with fear of rejection that you're not able to create much with that. You could be a woman that has all these things and you still don't know how to process your emotions and to create the emotions that's necessary for you to motivate your own self. When it comes to dating, a lot of times we're like, well, I'm not motivated. Motivation is overrated. Are you disciplined? Are you disciplined? Right? A lot of times we're sitting here and we're claiming that we're healing when in all actuality we just haven't learned how to process our feelings. High quality. Every single week, how are you investing in your core values? What are we doing? I remember being in a clubhouse room. My husband, he um, he actually called me into the particular room. He was like, You need to get in here and talk to these people. I think the room had like 500 people in it at the time, and there was a moderator on stage. And this particular moderator, she was just like, well, you know, there's not a lot of, there's a lot of quality women, but not a lot of quality men. That's what she was saying on stage. And I was listening to her. She was talking to the room, and it was crazy because I guess she was seeing herself as a relationship person, relationship coach. And again, it was disturbing that that's how she viewed it, but she was just like, yes, there's more quality men than quality women. I mean, quality women than quality men. There's way more quality. We're doing the work, and they're not doing the work. And my response is there is enough quality men to match the amount of quality women in this world. Quality people do not have an issue connecting with each other. It's not the issue. Again, this doesn't make you a bad person if you're not at the quality that you want to be at. It's kind of like, I don't know if you guys listen to Chrissy at all. Chrissy, she's an advocate for dark-skinned women. And I love when Chrissy makes the point, she's just like the average black woman, right? She's like, hey, I'm an average black woman. You know, you might be an average black woman, and they're like, I'm not average. It's like, average isn't bad. She makes the point that average isn't bad, average is just the norm. It's the norm. That's average. It's the it's common. It's what's common. So when I say you're average, I'm not saying that you're not special in your own unique way. I'm saying what you are presenting is common and normal, right? Like somebody said, Issa from insecure, right? Doesn't make you bad. So if you are not at the point where you are exhibiting yourself as a high quality woman, doesn't make you a bad woman, doesn't make you less than, all right? I go to Target, I love Target items. But we have to understand that there's a difference between Target and Sax Fitz. No one's gonna go into Target and say these items are trash, but they're going to go into Sax Fitz and realize that, oh man, it's high quality threads here. Even the ambiance is different. If any of you guys have watched my VIP training, How to Become a Triple Threat Success Woman, and you can get by applying for C2C for free. We see that the this, you know, these women, like Christina, like Faith, like Winnie, have rotational quality men. They receive thoughtful acts and gifts, they receive fun and engaging dates, excited love life, men who provide protecting bill. But what you don't see is their plans to fail and how they plan to fail in advance and learn from it. Like they know certain things are gonna come up and they accept it. What you don't see is them investing in their core values weekly, daily, monthly. What you don't see is them setting, communicating, and executing their boundaries. What you don't see is them processing their negative emotion. What you don't see is their love life rituals that help them develop healthy dating habits where having an amazing love life is a lifestyle. What you don't see is they're dating they're prepping for dates. What you don't see is them setting relationship goals and following them in the 90-day period. What you don't see is the mindset work that they do on a daily basis. I remember Christina calling me one day and she was like, Tara, I did the CTFAR like 10 times. She's like, I did it like 10 times a day. I'm having a week. This was like a year and a half ago. She's doing her work. And a lot of times when I'm when I'm asking people, like, hey, is is this what you're doing? And they're like, well, no. This is what it takes. We think that, again, it's peachy peachy, easy breezy, but dating is requiring us to level up in a way. And I'm releasing a podcast this upcoming Thursday on dating as a spiritual practice. It requires us to look in the mirror. And most women are not using dating as a spiritual practice. We're not doing that. What we're doing is making it about, I'm gonna get a man, making it about, I need men to approach me, making it about I need to get it the right the first time, instead of saying, oh, how can I use this to grow? How am I using dating to grow? How am I using dating to show gratitude for what the Most High has given me? How am I showing uh using dating to build character and the fruit of the spirit? How am I using dating to become a better woman? We don't want to do that, a lot of us. And that's really, and let me tell you the truth, that's not different than us complaining about how someone can go to church, read the Bible, pray, right? It's still wreaking havoc as a heathen. It's no different. Like, we be like, oh, they're such hypocrites. That's such hypocrites. They do all that go to church. That's no different than you dating and you not being transformed by your love life. You spend all of this time interacting with men and you ain't learning nothing. There's not a lot of change because it's all about what can men provide me versus who am I becoming? What relationship can I get versus how am I growing? And so when it comes to attracting the types of men that you desire, dating as a spiritual practice to be number one on the list. Entitlement is I have these things, so you should want me. I have these accolades, so you should want me. I know how to do these duties, so you should want me. That's entitlement. When you grow to the place where you need to go, if you're not getting the results that you want, there is room for you to grow to get there. A lot of us will avoid that mirror and we blame it on God's will. I remember seeing someone saying, hey, I think it's just God needed me to want me to work on my worship ministry. And I'm like, no, you actually just didn't do the work. And I know this for a fact, you didn't do the work. You paid for C2C, and we never even saw you. And you, instead of coming to ask the coaches, instead of coming to ask the coaches, hey, what about this? What about that? You came and you went and asked the Facebook group. People who struggling just like you when you actually paid to be in C2C. I'm like, what the hell? You pay all this money and you didn't show up and do the work. And then you saying in the comment section that you think that God wants you to focus on worship, and that's why you're not having the love life you want. No, you're not doing the work, baby. And you coming in the group asking how to get gifts from men. Ma'am, do the work. You coming in the group asking about conversations, do the work. We ain't seen that one homework assignment from about your core values, about you setting your boundaries. We ain't seen, we ain't seen you on coaching calls. We ain't seen none of that. Somebody said you all of my business. I wasn't even talking about you, boo, but I'm glad that you got the information. You're paid and you're not doing the work, and now you're saying it's not God's will. That's a woman who is unwilling to grow and to look at herself and to do the work. And she, if that's a woman who is beautiful, accolades, got a lot of things going on for herself, and still don't want to look in the mirror. And that's what I mean by there's a difference between a decent woman and a high quality woman, because that's not high, that's not how high quality navigates. High quality does not blame, right? Outside of her. It's easy to ask a question. It's hard to implement the shit, the answers that's given to you. It's easy to pay your money to join C2C. It takes growth to actually implement what C2C is teaching. It's easy to listen to my clubhouse room. That's easy. It's easy to do that. It takes work to actually figure out if I'm consuming too much content and not applying enough. It takes awareness to be like, I be in Torah Clubhouse room every day, and I still ain't making progress. What do I need to zone in on on what she's teaching? And I'm only gonna zone in on that one thing for the next 30 days so that I can see the results versus FOMO. I need to try to take in everything Torah's talking about. No, you're gonna just get fat off of information and be too heavy to do anything else. That's what you're gonna do. Okay, that's what I'm talking about. And since y'all are not talking to me today, I guess I'm talking to y'all. This is the difference. Our definition of high quality is not the same. You are a decent woman, boo. You average. The average person avoids the work. Common people avoid the work. Why do you think that most people are not living their ultimate dreams? Why do you think that there's only a certain amount, a certain percentage of people taking certain risks and getting rewarded for it? It's because the average person ain't willing to take those types of risks. The average person is comfortable, right? So we got the average person who goes doing everyday things that everyday people approve of. They're not looking to rock the boat. They're not looking to make anyone upset. They don't even want people to pay attention to them in a way that would show disapproval. That's the average person. People pleasing, wanting to draw and color within the lines. It's average. High quality is okay, this is what's average. This is what's happening. This is what everyone does. I want to know what's possible for me, even if people don't approve of it. I want to know how I can grow and how much I can stretch myself. Even if it's messy. Even if it's messy, right? Even if I have to fail a hundred times, I am going to get what I want. We get ghosted twice and be done. Oh, dating. Dating is so training. I don't want to be disappointed anymore. As if we're gonna melt in a puddle of goo. You know, your biggest superpower? Your biggest superpower when it comes to dating is navigating those damn emotions and realizing that you are not those emotions. They're just sensations in your body and they vibrate out if you process them. You getting rejected doesn't mean you gotta feel rejected. And even if you feel rejected, that doesn't have to affect the actions that you take. So, oh yeah, I feel rejected right now. The guy I really, really like, he took me on this date, and then I never heard from him again. Let me sit with this. I'm gonna sit with it. Oh, I feel this shit in my stomach. I feel it in my chest. I have awareness around it. It is so uncomfortable, but I'm willing to sit in it. Wow, I'm not dead yet. I'm just sitting here. Not dead. I'm processing this negative emotion. The emotion is gone. Or the emotion continues throughout the day, but you're aware of it. You're like, oh, this is rejection again. I actually don't want to feel this way. What kind of thought do I need to move my attention? And I know you guys, like just imagine, again, if you were angry at somebody, like again, I'm angry at my husband right now. Y'all already, if y'all been in the get in this room, y'all know today I'm mad with him. Okay. So I'm angry with my husband, right? Let's just say I'm on my way home to my other house. Not home, to my other house, both of them, my homes. Anyway, to my other house, right? I'm on my way over there, leaving this house. And I'm mad, I'm still mad with him, right? But imagine a cat runs in front of my car and I have to run out the road. Do you think at that point I'm still be mad at my husband? No. I'm immediately gonna go into like fear or relief because I'm no longer thinking about that nigga. Okay. That's evidence that we are not our emotions, we are not our feelings, and our feelings are connected to our thoughts. And as soon as I start Think about that nigga because I'm thinking about that cat. It ran it from my car. I had a completely different thought. Now I if I go back to being angry, that means I went back to think about his ass. That's my choice. We be stuck in our emotions because we don't want to process them. And then we be like, yeah, I've been working on myself. I've been healing for years. Years? What are we healing from? Emotions? Baby, you're not healing. You just stuck in your emotions and you don't know how to let it vibrate through your body. You don't know how to let that shit go. You don't know how to understand that your emotions are not you. Your thoughts that's causing these emotions are not you. You healing because you want to avoid pain. It don't matter where you are at in life. There is going to be 50% good and 50% bad where you feel pain. I remember being in poverty. I remember being subject to sexual abuse. I remember my parents going through a rough divorce. I remember being homeless. I remember trying to get a job as a single mom. I will, I remember having a baby getting pregnant at 16 years old. I remember going to college, working two jobs with the full schedule because I got three bachelor's degrees in four years. That means I was taking 17 credit hours every semester, 15 credit hours every summer. And I still work two jobs: a nighttime job and an afternoon job. I was raising a son. And then I also know what it feels like now. My son is older. I'm financially quote unquote secure. I don't want to use secure, but y'all understand secure security comes from God, right? I'm financially stable. Let's say financially stable. I can do and buy whatever I want. I just have my my my facial was almost$300 this weekend. It's like$264. Right? These are things that I get to relish in. I have a driver. But y'all know what? It's my life is still 50% negative. 50% negative. This new life I have, being married, you know, being in a great position in my life, having a very extremely successful business, having amazing people in my life, like these queens y'all see on stage. My life is still 50% negative. Some of y'all know I just got out of jail back in November. This is the grown person, the 30-something-year-old person, not the 15, 16-year-old getting trouble in the streets. I got locked up when I was around that age, and I got locked up again in my 30s. I spent several days in a place I never want to go back to. It was literally like the orange, the new black. I don't want to go back. I don't want that food. I don't want how they treated me. This was in November. Who would have thought that with all I have going on, I still got 50% negative in my life? I went to jail. I'm still having issues in my life. There's still things, issues with the business. Every week I'm having like a mini, like, okay, calm your ass down, girl. I just got new problems, new levels, new devils. When y'all are able to accept that, then you will stop avoiding the pain that comes along with dating. If y'all can accept the fact that your life is going to be 50% negative, then you're going to come with dating, expecting the negativity instead of trying to avoid it. One of my mentors is like, look, I have this impossible goal this year. You got this impossible goal. I need to fail. We need to fail 25 times each quarter. That's how we're going to get the results that we want because these fails are just lessons. Think about what the Most High is trying to share with you when he gives you the lessons. And if you keep experiencing the lesson over and over again, that's a cue for you. Pay attention and learn from this. Some of us are like, I just don't like it, and not putting your plan in place. I just don't like it and not putting boundaries in place. I hate this. No strategies. None. If you keep getting a lesson over and over and over again, I'm gonna tell you like the song God is trying to tell you something. God is trying to tell you something. Take you back to the color purple. Listen to what the most high is trying to tell you. Thanks for listening, Queen. After that audio, I really want you to understand number one, dating excellence does not come easy. If you want to have an excellent love life, you gotta have excellent skills, excellent character, an excellent mindset. Number two, value creating over consuming. You're consuming my clubhouse rooms, my videos, my Instagram posts, my emails, my courses, my programs. You need to be implementing and creating something with this stuff so that you can finally have what you desire. Three, I want you to understand that failing is a valuable part of the dating process. If you are not failing, you are not growing, you are not learning. And four, your true superpower is being able to process your pain, not avoiding it, not running away from it. And when you're able to navigate your pain because life is 50% pain, you're gonna always be able to achieve the things that you desire. And if you ever need help with any of this, you are always welcome to join my private mentorship program, Curve to Cuff, where we help you do all the above so that you can be surrounded by quality men who provide, protect, and build for you. And if you're interested in joining the next cohort, you can apply at curve tocuff.com slash details. The link will be in the show notes for you to be able to check out. And yeah, before you leave or be done, like go ahead and rate this podcast five stars if this is something that you enjoyed on today. But yeah, I hope you have a good one, Queen. Until next time. Bye. If you thought this episode was dope and you learned from it, it would be amazing if you could take a screenshot, post, and tag me on Instagram at Torresense. I would absolutely love to connect with you over there. And if you're serious about leveling up in your love life, you gotta check out Curve to Cuff. It's my 12-week mentorship program for high-achieving women of faith who want to build a rotation of quality men in 90 days or less so they can choose their legacy partner in as early as a year. You can apply to join the next cohort at curve tocuff.com slash details. That's curve, the number twocuff.com forward slash details. I'd love to have you join the next cohort of C2C. And remember, never settle because you have choices. Choose how you want to love, choose who you want to date, and always choose to date with sense.