Five Lies Costing You Your Summer Boyfriend

You know you want a man this summer. You say it, you feel it, your coochie is jumping for it—but somehow you keep talking yourself right out of going after it. And the stories you're telling yourself sound so smart and so responsible that you actually believe them.

In this episode, I'm breaking down the five lies costing you your summer boyfriend. You'll find out why feeling "stuck" is rarely what's really going on, the truth about confidence that flips everything you've been told, and why the one lie most women won't say out loud is the reason all the others get to exist.

Walk away ready to stop blocking your own blessing and disqualifying yourself before a man even gets the chance to choose you.

If one of these lies has been costing you more than another dry summer, join the Relationship Roster Challenge HERE.

Follow me on Instagram for more dating gems at: 

@torahcents 

@curved2cuffed 

Transcript

Opening Worship And Warm-Up

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There is a name. There is a name. There is a name. There is a name, precious name. Bless the name. Oh Yeshua There is a name. Oh Yeshua There is a name. There's healing in the name Healing in the name Healing in the name Healing in the name precious name blessing there is a name Oh Yasho There is a name. What's

Welcome And Challenge Invitation

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up, lover girl?

SPEAKER_01 1:43

Welcome to the live. This live is sponsored by the Relationship Roster Challenge that starts Saturday, June thirteenth. If you're interested in joining this challenge, it is now $97. Um, all you gotta do is reply roster, and you can get the details to see how to join. Hi, hi pretty girl. Okay, people are rolling, rolling, rolling, rolling, rolling in. Today I am going to be talking about the five lies. The five lies that are costing you your summer boyfriend. I just want to talk about it. And these are lies that really smart, really capable, beautiful women are telling themselves, are telling other people, are telling me. That's keeping them from their roster. That's keeping them from having an amazing cuffing season. That's keeping them from having a little boyfriend. Whether you want an exclusive boyfriend or unexclusive boyfriend, whatever you choose to have, girl, whatever it is. Okay? Now, if you don't know me and you're new to my live, my name is Tora. I am a dating coach who specifically helps high-achieving, unchurch women of faith who want to date men who serve and support them. And I'm clear on that, on serve and support, is because anybody can get a boyfriend, anybody can get married, anybody. It takes the skills. It takes skills to be in a relationship, a situationship where the man serves and supports and adores you. Okay? A lot of us are so we want to be chosen by men so bad that we simply get into relationships for the sake of the relationship and not thinking, is this man serving me? Is this man supporting me? Does this man honor me? Does he respect me? And is he genuinely excited to see me happy? That's why we're we're wondering like, where is this going? Because we're not looking for men to serve and support us. That's why we have an exclusive boyfriend and we're waiting for him to propose to us. We're waiting for him to propose to us because we are not thinking about is he serving and supporting me? Okay? We're not thinking about all we're thinking about getting chosen. So that's why I serve the ladies that I serve. And if you're confused about unchurched, because somebody was like, I I I don't like the word unchurched because I feel like you're gonna try to take me away from my faith. Girl, no, unchurched simply means that I'm helping, like I'm working with women who are divested from the misogynistic traditions, um, harmful traditions that oppress and repress women in the faith, that men seem to not be repressed by, because they're not conditioned to be repressed by. That's all it is. Anywho, we're talking about the five lies that's keeping you away from your summer boyfriend. And then I'm going to talk about more about the uh relationship roster challenge for those of you who are interested. I'm gonna do a QA at the end. So if you have questions, put your question in the question box here. Put your question in the question box. If you put it in the chat, I'm probably not gonna see it. So I want to get into the first lie. Um, well, hi Melody. Well, here's the thing. I'm doing this call because I just got off my Love a Girl Summer Activation call this past Sunday with almost three went 300 women. Almost 300 women on that call, and the same kinds of lies kept showing up. And it was different women, different cities, different ages, but it was the same lies. So

Lie One: Start With Data

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the first lie that kept coming up on the call was I don't know where to start. If you've ever thought that about your love life, your dating life, put one in the comments. If you've ever felt like, I just don't know where to start. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to, I don't know where to start. I don't know what to do. I don't know where to go. I don't know what events to attend. I am stuck. Put a one in the comments if you've ever said that to yourself. And I will say one of the reasons why this feels true. Number one, we live in an age of where dating advice, we're information, period. Dating advice can be very, very overwhelming. Very, very overwhelming. Everybody's telling you something different, right? You hear from Torah, you hear from the girl on TikTok, you hear from the girl, you hear from the um the girl on Facebook, whatever. You're just getting a lot of information. You're listening to podcast YouTube videos, men are giving you advice, women are giving you advice, and you're just like, okay, be more feminine. Oh, put yourself out there. Oh, don't chase. Oh, manifest him. Oh, heal yourself. Oh, lose the weight. Oh, get on the abs. Oh, get out the abs. So you get so overwhelmed, you're just like, you know what, I'm not you, I'm not gonna do nothing because I don't know which direction to go. Okay. What's really going on here when you feel like you're stuck, is usually one of two things. One, the first version of stuck is some of you do know you're avoiding the work. Some of you do know. Because if you didn't actually, if you if you actually didn't know where to start, you'd Google it. You'd chat GBT it. If you just didn't know where to start, okay? And you might ask you might ask somebody who's really, really good at it. You'd figure it out the way that you figured other things out in your life. Because a lot of you guys have figured out how to start a business. Did you not? We got tons, we had we've been having business coaches way longer than dating coaches. We've been having tons of business advice out there way before dating coaches. That didn't stop y'all from starting businesses. That didn't stop y'all from getting overwhelmed to figure out, okay, how I'm gonna start this business. You pick somebody to listen to. You picked something to do and you did it. Okay. You learned how to get your college education, what career you chose a career. There's lots of information on what careers to do and how you do it, and uh, what school to enroll in, and you were able to choose that. You were able to make a choice. You chose a school, you chose a major, you figured it out. And some of you guys felt like you chose the wrong major, so you switched it. You see how that works? You switched, you was like, I don't, I don't want to major in uh, I don't know, basket weaving. I don't want to major in that. I want to major in marketing, I want to change my major. You figured it out. Some of y'all didn't like them classes that y'all enrolled in into college. You was like, I don't want to be in this professor class. Can you please switch my classes? This doesn't work for me to be at class 8 a.m. in the mornings. I have to, I have a long commute to class. I don't want to do it, so you switch classes. You know how to do this. You know how to plan a vacation to a country you've never been to. You know how much information is about all these countries. There's some people saying, oh, this country is racist, oh, this country, you should never visit this country. And another person is like, oh, this country is great. It's amazing. It's an awesome country to go to. I loved going to that country. There's lots of differing opinions, and yet we figured out how to go to the country and have a good time and have our own experience and have our own data around it. So the first version of you guys, if you're in the first version of this stuck, you ain't stuck, you're just avoiding. It's just an just an easy way to avoid. It's just the easy way to avoid. I remember I had someone that I was coaching on a Love A Girl Summer Activation call this past Sunday, and I said, Well, did you Google it? She was like, No. I say, You're not stuck, you just avoid it. You don't want to do it. You didn't even try. Like, there was not one thing that you tried. That means it's avoidance, and when you tell yourself you don't know, it it sounds good. It's not real, though. The second version of stuck, or Beatrice says, helpful to remind us all the things we've done and figured it out before. Exactly. The second version of stuck, ladies, is the high achiever group. You want to know if it's right. It's my perfectionist. You want to know what the right thing is. And so you you're you want to know if it's gonna work before you do it. Before you make one move and move one finger. You want to know, is this gonna work? Am I gonna get the right results? Is this gonna be the right place? Is it gonna be the right plan, the right approach? You don't want to waste your time. You don't want to waste your time. So you say, I don't know. The issue with that is that you're trying to find the perfect strategy before you start. And dating doesn't work like that. Actually, most things in life don't. Y'all know that about other things in life. Dating doesn't, dating doesn't work like that. There's no perfect plan. There's only data. So, for example, this past weekend, I coached a woman on this the after activation call who told me she didn't know where to start. She'd been waiting to find the right events, the right places, the right time. And I was like, you don't need the you don't need the right place. Like you're trying to figure things out. You need to go somewhere and gather data. Take your best guess and take your ass out and gather the data. And I told her a story. I said, hey, I go out about three times a week. I go to my anchor spots. If you're familiar with my anchor spots, those are the three places that I go on a weekly basis to meet the caliber of men that I'm interested in or the caliber of people in general. Okay, and I just go there. And I tried a new place one week, and it was completely dead. Completely dead. There were no men, there were no women there at all. Now, most women would have left that, especially if you were just getting out and dating, and you would call that a wasted night. Because I had all my nice makeup, I had all my nice clones, my nice heels, I valet the car, right? Had my hair looking good, had my smell good on. And a lot of people were like, I wasted my night because nobody was there. I called it data. I was like, oh, this is data. I I asked, and then I looked at the bartenders and I called them over. I was like, hey, there's no one here. Is it always like this on a Wednesday night? Does it always look this way? And he was like, no, they have um, we just had Mother's Day that came up. Uh, and so a lot of times after Mother's Day, people don't show up during the week as normally. He said, but he told me the days that it was popping, the times that it was popping, and then he gave me five other new places that I would enjoy based upon what I want. And I left with more information than what I came with. That's what dating looks like. Not what's the right place? So if I walk in the right way to the right place, then the right man is gonna see me, and he's gonna ask me out on a date. We're gonna go on the right date, and then we're gonna have a right phone call, and then we're gonna have a right relationship. Everything's just gonna go right. A right engagement, a right marriage, nothing's gonna go not my way. It's gonna be right. That's not how life is. Life doesn't work that way. So, not perfection, it's data. You don't have to know every step. Stop trying. That's what's keeping you stuck for you to say, I don't know where to start. You just need to know the next step. Take one action, see what happens, adjust, take the next step. Dating is a science, not a destination. You're collecting data. You're not trying to get it right on the first try. You're testing this like a science test, right? This is why now I'm like, okay, I know what places to go. I know what to do because I've been collecting data over the past few months, not going in one place and not getting what I want, and then walking out and saying this is a waste of my time. Me going out looking good is never a waste of my time because I'm a work of art. And I believe that I should be seen no matter what. Anywho, but this is what the relationship roster challenge helps solve.

Why The Roster Challenge Works

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It's the one reason why I built it the way I built because we don't need more information. We need a clear, structured next step. Time at the time of the time. And so in the relationship roster challenge, I give you guys a next step every single week. You get a next step to focus on. You get a plan at the beginning and you get a step to take every single week, and you get to experiment and you get to come to the coaching calls to get your question answered. Week one, you know what to do. Week two, you know what to do. The plan is a start. And when it doesn't work the first time, I am there to help you read the data and try the next thing. So if you're interested in a relationship roster challenge, doors are open. It's $97. I've never charged coaching less than $220 for my live challenges in six weeks. If you type roster, you will get access to the link with the details so that you can enroll in time for Saturday. Saturday is the first call. There will be replays every single week. There's also a catch-up week in the program if you fall behind. So type roster in the chat if you're interested in joining the roster. So let's get to lie two. Lie

Lie Two: Confidence Follows Action

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two is I need to feel confident before I put myself out there. I'm not confident right now. Put a two in the comments if you've ever felt like that. Put a two in the comments. I need to feel more confident. I might, I need to lose 20 more pounds. I need to feel sexier first. I need to do more inner work first. I need to feel ready first. Yeah, put two in the comments if you've ever felt that way. Most of us believe that confidence comes before the action. That you're supposed to feel ready, and then you go. Then you go. Confidence doesn't come first, the evidence does. Confidence does not come first, the evidence does. You don't wake up one day feeling like, oh, I'm ready to date. I feel perfect about my body. I feel perfect about my life. I feel perfect about my job. It is the perfect time today because I'm confident about it all. Someone said, Meanwhile, men date while living in their mama basement.

unknown 19:42

Facts.

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I always say we need to have an audacity of a homeless man with missing teeth because they will try to holler. They will ask you if you are happily married and they will be homeless with missing teeth. They do not care. I love channeling the audacity of a homeless man with missing teeth. Y'all, y'all a while. I'm still I'm still laughing about that. You don't wake up one day feeling confident today. You just start dating. You do. Even if you feel 30 pounds overweight, somebody always gonna want us. We're just like, well, I'm just I'm just gonna wait so I can get this kind of man. Girl, if you don't start with a 30 pounds overweight, there's always somebody to adore you at that weight. Now, if you wanna if you wanna try other things once you lose weight, that's fine. But there's someone 600-pound life, come on, guys. They always got somebody cleaning them up and stuff. They always got somebody willing to be by them side. Okay, it's not about the weight. But you start dating and you get a man's attention that is in alignment with where you're at in life, and then another. And then another. And then over time, you start to feel different. You start to feel different about yourself because you have evidence that men want you. It happens with my plus size clients quite a bit when they feel like, okay, I can't do this, right? I can't do this because I have to lose the weight, or I need to heal myself. I need to heal myself first because I've been in toxic relationships. No, somebody always wants you. Yes, I am sure. Someone says, Are you sure? Yes, I'm sure. I've worked with hundreds of ladies. Like, you have to build the evidence that like you want to go out there and build the evidence first. But a lot of y'all are waiting to love yourselves. You can't wait to love yourself. You have to do decide to love yourself because waiting to date, because you feel like you You dated toxic men in the past, you're not ready, or that you're too overweight. That's not loving yourself. You have to decide I'm lovable now. That means I love me, and if I love me, men will love me. Men will not love you if you don't love you. But you have to make the decision, the choice to love you. I don't care what anybody says. If you're holding off dating because you feel like you have to wait to be in a different condition, it's an act of not loving yourself. It just is. You're currently not loving yourself. Confidence is built by competence of putting in the reps. Not through journaling. Y'all trying to journal y'all way to confidence. Y'all trying to affirm your way to confidence. Affirmations without confirmations means nothing. I'm going to say that again. Affirmations without confirmations, nothing. Y'all trying to do this with vision boards. Y'all done did your vision board on December 31st, and ain't nothing came about it because you have not moved towards it. You have not decided that you were ready. I want you to think about any everything else that you're confident in, like driving a car, your job, cooking your favorite meal. You were not born confident doing any of those things. You didn't come out of the womb confident driving a car. You did it badly. You probably had some parents screaming at your ass. Oh, break! Break! It didn't stop you from getting in the car. You were like, No, I'm gonna learn how to drive. Your mama probably was screaming at you. You probably done ran into a few curves. Some of y'all crashed cars. I was somebody who crashed my mama's car. I had the back of that car sitting up. That didn't stop me from driving. I was driving her car without a license. I was just, I was room room. It didn't stop me from from driving. My confidence didn't get right. I was still learning to drive. Y'all still got your license after not knowing what to do. Exactly. You did it scared and you learned from every mistake. You did it badly. Real bad. I remember my sister, I was teaching my sister how to drive, and she almost hit the police. Out of everybody in the world, you want to hit the police. But guess what? She ran here driving. She finally driving. She done got her a little her man and her kids, and she driving the car. But back then, she couldn't drive. Okay. That's how she got confident. Me yelling at her in the car. Dating is no different. Nobody is naturally good with men. You don't come out of the womb naturally good at this stuff. Some people have environments that have helped them become good. Some people have had different families that have helped them to become natural. Right? There are people's parents that are grooming them to find their spouse in college. Those women, those girls were groomed to interact with guys. The women that you think that are just confident have practiced. They have. They've been embarrassed. They've had awkward conversations. They just kept going. So the reframe is there is no waiting to feel confident to do this. You gotta stop feeling waiting to feel ready. You're not going to feel ready. Did y'all feel ready when y'all got in that car the first time? No. You're not gonna feel ready. You're gonna get what you want by starting before you feel ready. You just have to decide that you're ready, and the readiness comes from doing it. Again, this is exactly why the roster relationship, the relationship roster challenge is built around action. I give y'all a lot of information on these lives and my podcasts, but working with me in my programs and in this challenge, it is built around action. Every single week you have actions to take, you have real conversations to have, you have real practice, and the confidence is gonna come from doing the thing. And in the relationship roster challenge, we're gonna do the thing together. If you want the link to the challenge to look at the details that starts on Saturday, type roster in the comment section. Line number three. This

Lie Three: Heal Through Connection

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one is really sneaky because it sounds mature. It sounds really, really mature. It sounds responsible. It sounds like you're taking your healing seriously. Okay. Someone said, Come on, Vocus, as you read us. Listen, listen, you do you don't heal your way into dating, into connection. You heal through dating. You heal through connection. The wounds you got from dating, the wounds you got from relationship, choosing wrong, being abandoned, being disappointed. Those don't heal in isolation. You were in relationship when you got those wounds. They only heal when you are in presence of new evidence. Am I preaching or not? They all they only heal in evidence, they only heal with the presence of new evidence. And those experiences, those that evidence, that new evidence, it comes with new men. It comes with new men. And those reps show your nervous system this is different. This is safe. This is real. Because you're doing it in relationship. You cannot be like, oh, I'm taking a break from dating in a year so I can heal. And then you're gonna come back to dating and you're gonna get you're gonna get slapped right back in the face with the same bullshit. And you're gonna be like, oh, I'm not healed enough. No, this is your opportunity for your healing, but you're running away because it's painful. Imagine you break your arm, and the doctor says, Hey, you gotta come in and I gotta set it. And you come in to set it and she starts moving your arm and it hurts. You're like, No, I can't. I need to go home and heal my arm. Now, how the hell are you gonna heal your arm without the doctor setting it? Without the doctor moving it for you. It's going to be painful. She has to set your arm. That's how that's the only way you're gonna heal. The same thing when it comes to these men. You cannot heal in isolation. I coached a woman on this last call that I had this past weekend. She'd been healing for over a year after really a really bad breakup. The guy cheated on her, she put on 40 pounds, her confidence was shot. I get it. That's rough. That's rough to put your trust in a man for him to cheat on you. And then you probably gained the weight because you was depressed. And she came on the call and she was just like, I just don't feel ready to put myself back out there. And I asked her, well, no, the first thing I asked her, I was just like, What would you have done differently if you didn't put your trust in a man? Because I believe in enjoying men without trusting them. I believe in trusting no man. Just you gotta trust yourself. And the thing is, she had put all of her, like she had put a lot of her trust in this guy, and because of it, she made some decisions and she delayed some decisions because she trusted this guy. Instead of doing, instead of doing the thing she would do if she fully trusted herself. I said, you're not grieving the man, like you're not hurting over this man, you're actually hurting because you self-abandon. You're trying to heal from self-abandonment, but you're attaching it to this man, and that's why. And the only way to heal from that is to go back in connection with men, to start choosing yourself when that fine, attractive man comes around again. But you cannot do it in isolation. Because if the goal is to feel 100% before you date again, you're gonna wait forever. You're gonna wait forever. There's no finish line. Your husband is gonna hurt your feelings. Your husband is gonna disappoint you. I don't know why we get into fantasy about all of this. We are humans. You're gonna you're gonna piss your husband off. We're humans. She wasn't afraid of being hurt again, she was afraid of not trusting herself again. And the way to rebuild that trust is through practice, not through isolation. Healing and isolation has a ceiling. At some point, the only way to keep growing is to participate again. But you've got to practice with the new men. That's the work. If you've been waiting to feel fully healed before you start, come do the challenge. The challenge is built to put you back in motion gently. Back gently. The first call we have, you get to take an assessment, and based upon where you're at, whether you've not dated in a while, whether you feel some type of way about dating, your plan will be based upon your where you're at. It is.

Lie Four: Too Busy Or Overextended

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I guess what they think people think is dating. But they always got women. Someone said they got they get a woman and then get busy. No, they get busy with another woman too. So they get a woman. Listen, busy men always got women. How come busy women can't don't have men? Someone said too busy to be accountable. Someone says men will not have money or time to date and still attempt it. Exactly. Men make no excuses. They want what they want. And they go and get it. And we just be like, I ain't got the time, I ain't got this, I ain't got that. Anywho, I don't want to minimize the fact that you have a busy life. Let's just let's just say that. As a woman with a busy life myself, I do not want to minimize that. As someone who was a single mom to two kids, to four kids, I had to take care of my sisters. As somebody who was a single mom and had to do all that stuff and then go to school full time and work full-time, I'm not minimizing that. But when it comes to women, women are very overextended. We're conditioned to give. We're conditioned to say yes. We're conditioned to take on more than what we should because we're afraid of looking bad. I remember I dropped my son off at his daddy's house and I left for six months. Now, a lot of women wouldn't do that because they feel like, oh, I'm the mom, I'm abandoning them. I was like, I gotta pour into me first. I gotta do this, I gotta handle this, I gotta make my money, I gotta get myself established. And then when I did that, I went back and I got them. But a lot of women feel ashamed or they feel inadequate when certain things like that come up. So we take on more. Men typically don't hold shame in that regard, right? They don't feel shameful. We have a, we'll have like a parent that needs to be um that can't like take care of themselves or whatever, and we'll take over all the responsibilities. And the brother will just be out there doing whatever he wants to do, right? While we take care of it. And even no, even if we were not present, the like the parent would have to find a way to be taken care of, if that makes it. This is not me saying I'll take care of your parents. I'm saying we overextend ourselves. We do not point to our own cups first. We do not do that. I have teachers as clients, and all of my teachers who come to me are overwhelmed and overextended. You know what I ask them to do? I say, go to lunch with your male colleagues and ask them if they do all the stuff you do. Ask them, do they spend all that time decorating a classroom? Ask if they spend all that extra time staying late and doing, ask them if they do that because they don't. And after they have lunch with the male colleague, they always be like, Yeah, I'm doing more than what I should. It's not too busy. It's I'm overextended. If you're too busy for love, you are overextended. Pure point blank. I don't care what you say. I don't care what you say. If you're too busy for love, which is a like your coochie is jumping, you desire romance, and if you don't have time to create it, you're overextended. And you're not creating solutions so that you don't have to be. You're carrying a lot of things around your career, around your family, around your business, around your responsibilities. I see you there, but you are not too busy for love and dating. You are too overextended to make it a priority. And the reason you're overextended is because you've said yes to too many things. Out of guilt, out of comp out of um out of obligation, right? I have to do this. A lot of stuff we don't have to do. But we do it anyway. Right? The the boss's emergency. We think because our boss has an emergency, it's our emergency. No, it's not. It absolutely isn't. And we think if we work ourselves to death for the boss, we're gonna get promoted. No. Actually, the boss is looking at us and they're like, okay, this isn't leadership. This is some this is a workhorse, but this isn't a leader. Which is why we will work our ass off and not get the promotions and the raise that we deserve. The favor for your sister that you did, the thing that you volunteered for at church, the side hustle, the new project, the school event. Everybody else needs to get scheduled into your week. Your kids, dating is demoted to when I have time, which never. Someone says, I think many of us are addicted to being overextended. We are. We are. I actually had a woman on my call this weekend who said she didn't have time. And she's high achieving, demanding career. She has lots on her plate. But when we dug into it, she actually was going out on dates with men who were not even on her level. She was making time for men, having conversations, having phone conversations with them, text conversations, maybe even going out with them. But when I asked her about meeting men on her level, she was like, she doesn't have time to do that. She was making time for the wrong things while telling herself she was too busy for the right things. There's some avoidance too. Because if I'm busy, if I stay busy, I don't have to face what I might have to face going after what I want. I don't have to be disappointed. If I can be busy with work, if I can be busy with school, if I can be busy with my kids, if I can be busy with church, I don't. I don't have to deal with it. I don't have to deal with the disappointment from a man. And I don't think a lot of us want to admit that. That we're a lot of us are avoiding the disappointment from a man. So we get busy with other stuff. We're on our fourth degree. You won't have to do that. You really didn't have to go do that. You wanted to, but you didn't have to go and get that fourth degree. And this is coming with somebody with four degrees. I have four degrees. Okay. Dating doesn't have to be a full-time job. It just needs a rhythm. That's it. Daily actions that take you 10 minutes, 20 minutes. Weekly actions that fit into your regular routine. It just takes a plan that runs even when work is wild, even when your kids need you, your mama needs you, even when you didn't sleep well. We're not trying to build a second job here. You're just building a love life that fits into the life that you already have. That's what we're doing in the challenge. A weekly dating rhythm, what I call a pipeline plan that runs whether, excuse me, your boss is being unreasonable, whether your kids have games or a man just disappointed you. The plan keeps you moving when motivation runs out. And it fits into your real life, not some fantasy version where you have unlimited time. If you're interested in joining the challenge, we start on Saturday. Type roster in the comment section.

Lie Five: Stop Disqualifying Yourself

SPEAKER_01 42:58

And to our last lie. Lie number five. The men I want don't want me. Now, a lot of us don't say this out loud, but it's in the back of a lot of our minds. Again, that tall, handsome guy who's financially stable, financially accomplished, his accolades. A lot of us feel like he ain't even gonna want us. A lot of us swipe left on him on the dating apps. We're like, oh, he don't he don't want us. If you've ever felt like that, put five in the comment section. Put five in the comment section if you've ever, ever, ever, ever felt that way. The man I want doesn't want me. Because here's the thing if you actually believed that that man wanted you specifically, every other lie on this list would crumble. You'd make time if you really truly believe that. Truly believe it. The men that you wanted wanted you back, and they were gonna be excited to see you. They were gonna be excited to meet up with you. They couldn't wait until you entered the building. Every other lie I just mentioned would crumble into little pieces. You'd make the time, you get over the confidence thing. You'd know where to start before you felt healed. You'd figure it out. Because you'd like, oh my man, my man won't me. I don't care about this other stuff. My homegirl called me this week. She said, Torah I listened to your last podcast and I I broke up with my man. She said, I listened to your podcast breaking up with one of the guys I was dating. She said, and I broke up with mine too. She outside. You know why? Because she believes that the man she wants wants her. She's not like, oh, I gotta, I gotta heal first with this man. I gotta, she said there's grief here. She says, I have grief, and I'm outside. I don't have to sit there for months processing stuff because I know my man, the man I want wants me back. I'm not confused about all of that. Okay. This is one of the biggest lies that's keeping us stuck from all the other lies. Like the other lies are able to exist because we actually don't believe the men we want want us back. Okay. The men you want are not rejecting you, girl. And this is coming from somebody who used to pray for certain boys to like me. I used to pray before bed every night. I'm like, Lord, can me such and such like me? And then they will go get women out of the church. They wouldn't look my way. They would go get other women and bring them into the church. Lord, can you make, can I if I think you could be the one, can you please, you know, give us the life we deserve, Lord. I can't even imagine doing anything like that now. I believe the man I want want me. I believe they do. But you're you're you're they're not rejecting you. You're disqualifying yourself before they ever get a chance to choose you. Just like that woman on the pop the balloon show. That fine man came to her. She popped that balloon so fast. And and Arlette was like, why did you pop your balloon? She was just like, uh, he's not, he's not my real type. I don't think I'm his type. He doesn't, he's not my type, blah, blah, blah. And I don't think I'm his type. I don't think he will want somebody like me. And that man was like, no, I want you. I want you. And last time I checked, they're still together. It's been over a year. But she popped her balloon and she had to go back and get her balloon. She didn't think that fine ass man wanted her. I don't know if because she was dark skinned or plus eyes. I don't know which one, but he was a lighter skinned, athletic, very handsome guy. And she had popped that balloon. She was disqualifying herself before he got a chance to choose her. The thing is, there are plenty of these men that would notice you if you were in the room. They would try to talk to you if you were in proximity. They would approach you if you made yourself available and present. But you're so convinced that you're not their type that you can't even be bothered to be near them. I coached a woman this weekend on the Lover Girls Summer Call, and she was surrounded by accomplished, successful men. She was on the call at a conference the whole weekend. She didn't talk to any of those men. And it was the last day. You know why? Because she had put on a good amount of weight. Her confidence was shocked. And she was convinced she wasn't in their league. Those men were not uh uh rejecting her, she was rejecting herself on their behalf. None of them rejected her, she rejected herself. Okay. You are look like you have this thing in your mind where if you don't look a certain way or if you're missing certain things, you're not worthy of a certain kind of man's love and affection. Not realizing you have everything you need to receive it, you just won't put it into action to do it. Your job is not to convince men that you're enough. Your job is to stop disqualifying yourself so that the man who's already trying to choose you has the opportunity to do it. This is one of the biggest reasons why I built the heat framework into week one of the challenge. Because a lot of y'all are not invisible, you're just hiding. And then the three energetic embodiments in week two, where I teach you how to receive the attention quality men are giving you, instead of you assuming the worst. This challenge isn't just about meeting men, it's about becoming a woman who can actually be chosen by the man that she wants. Because right now, a lot of y'all are blocking your blessing. So, to do a quick recap, and I'm gonna do a QA.

Recap And Program Roadmap

SPEAKER_01 49:50

The five lies costing you your summer boyfriend. One, I don't know where to start. Stuck is not real. You don't need to know every step, you just need to know the next one. Two, I need to feel confidence first. Confidence comes from practice, not the other way around. Three, I need to heal first. Dating is the healing, is the healing. You can't grow in isolation when you were wounded in relationship. I don't have time to date right now. You're not too busy, you're overextended. You're over-exper you're overextended. Your dating needs a consistent rhythm, not a full-time job. And just remember how all the men that claim that they're busy got women. Even if he don't have someone he claims as a girlfriend, there's somebody that's bringing a spin-a-night bag. Okay? There's somebody he's entertaining. Five. The men I don't, the men I want, the men I want don't want me. They do. You're just disqualifying yourself before they ever get a chance. Well, every man want you, no. Okay? If any of these landed for you, drop the number that landed with you. I want to see which one hit the hardest. One, I don't know where to start. Two, I need to feel confident. Three, I need to heal. Four, I don't have time. Five, the men I want don't want me. And so put your questions in the question box. I'm gonna get to them. But if even if one of those lies hit you in the chest, come join us in the Relationship Roster Challenge. It's a six-week live coaching challenge. We start this Saturday, June 13th at 10 a.m. Central Standard Time. Inside, I walk you through every one of these things that the lies are are blocking. Week one is a kickoff call that we have. You're gonna take an assessment and you will get your plan that you will execute on a weekly basis in the chat. The next one, the next week is get notice. This is the heat framework, how to become visible to the men that you want without changing your personality or pretending to be someone you're not. Week two, get approached. These are the three energetic embodiments. How to receive a man's attention, how to handle the approach. Okay. Week three, getting pursued. This is the bomb experience where I show you how to turn a conversation into actual plans, how to stop the great first date, then nothing cycle. Week four, get options, the royal method. Well, I guess it's week five. Get options, you'll learn the royal method, how to manage two to three commitment ready men in Rost in rotation without guilt or confusion. And then there's a bonus integration call at the very end. A private circle community, and then there's replays if you can't make it live. It's $97. Type roster if you want more details. Normally it's $220. I've never offered live coaching less than $220. This is the lowest I've ever offered this challenge. I'm not sure if I'll run it at this price again. I did this on purpose because I'm tired of y'all telling me I'll work with you next year. I'll work with you when you have more, when I have more money, I'll work. Girl, this 97. Y'all literally can call somebody right now and get $97. I want to take the excuses off the table. And also, I wanted to provide more opportunities to women in like different countries where the the income level, uh, the price of the money. Y'all know what I'm trying to say. My mind is going blank. If $97 is genuinely not something you can do right now, I ain't coming for you. Focus on your money first. If you literally don't have $97, you definitely need a duty to get yourself together before you date. But if you can do it and you've been on the fence, I want you to ask yourself which one of those lives has been costing you more than $97? Because the cost of staying stuck another summer, another fall, another year, the exact same dating life. There are women who don't have to pay that cost anymore. They paid it one time. Okay? So, drop roster in the comment sections, and I'm going to answer questions from the question box.

Q And A: Body Confidence

SPEAKER_01 54:32

Someone says, How to feel very beautiful in regardless our body. For example, I'm very tall and skinny, but I have small boobs. Feeling, thank you, girl. Deep dives, coaching. How to feel very beautiful. So feeling beautiful, it comes from the thought. If you don't feel beautiful, is because you have chosen to adopt a thought, either a thought that you created or someone else created, about how you look or about how you should look. So, for example, you believe being tall and skinny is a problem. You think having small boobs is a problem. Versus I would be looking at all these models that are tall and skinny with small boobs, that are actual models. And feel, and they feel beautiful. And a lot of them feel beautiful. I would be channeling that energy. I would like you're making the decision that me being very tall and skinny with small boobs is an issue. When there's lots of men that love it, Adora said, I'm tall and thin, I love it here. Yeah, that's a thought. I'm tall and skinny, and I have little boobs. That's all a thought. I be loving watching that video where that girl be shaking her booty. I don't know if y'all ever seen that girl booty, but her booty is like a rectangle and it's super jiggly. It's not like a regular shape, but and people was trying to clown her. She be walking like this. I don't know, she be walking, she be forcing her booty to jiggle. I don't know if y'all ever seen her, but she be forcing her booty to jiggle, and a lot of people tried to clown her. After she started going viral, there was men in the comment section talking about they would eat it, they would, they would be with her after people trying to clown her for their booty. They was like, it's moving. I want it too. There's always somebody for somebody, and we have to decide that we are magnetic to the people that want us. There are billions of people on the planet. Somebody wants our body type. Someone said, are most of the live sessions held on Saturdays? Can you share what time? It's 10 a.m. So I learn best when the instruction is live and interactive. I want you to have a different thought. I learn best, right? Because even if you can't make it live, I don't want y'all to make and make the excuse that I can't do it at all. So, yes, we would like to be live, and I don't care what it takes, I'm gonna have what I want. I don't care what it, I don't care if I have to watch all the replays, be in the community every day, I'm gonna get what I want. I just joined a 30-day challenge and I didn't I only showed up to one live call. I didn't care. I didn't care. I showed up to one live call and asked, I asked the question I had to ask, and I was out of there. I couldn't show up to the other calls, I had other obligations, but I wanted to benefit. Someone says, I literally just got back from Miami Swim Week, and there were so many ladies just like you. I'm exactly you you won't ever have a problem going, uh not getting into a Miami club, being tall and skinny. Someone says, How long does the group session last? It's an hour. It's an hour.

Q And A: Values And Opinions

SPEAKER_01 58:25

Someone says, thoughts on how to attract men that you are attracted to who share your value system and are aligned with the path your life is on. So I think you're overthinking this. I need y'all to know that men will choose women who are not even in alignment with them all because he likes her. I'm gonna say that again. Men be choosing women that are not in alignment with them all because they like her. I don't, I don't, I think y'all need to, I think y'all need to interact with more men. Do y'all do we even have to go back to the scriptures on how many men went and got women that were serving other gods? They didn't give a damn. Solomon didn't give one damn. Yes, most of my women serve other gods. It's not complicated. The one thing that we have done is we forgot to be women and interact with them, which is one of the reasons why I'm teaching the bomb experience in my program. Solar Wisdom says, best decision I ever made was working with Torah. And she got her a man, she got her a good man. She got a man to take care of her. And this is a woman who thought her weight, she in the comments, I ain't lying. She thought her weight was gonna be an issue with men. She she felt like the men that she wanted wouldn't want her because they she wasn't on the level with them money-wise. Now she is, right? But she didn't wait till she got there to put herself out there. And she got her a good ass man. We love it here, don't we? And she said facts, she got her good ass man. So you guys are overthinking the attraction piece. A man likes you. That's why like a a lot of the men that date me go to church every single week. They go to church every single. I don't go to church. They super religious and they go to church every week. And I'm like, why y'all, every time when I go to church with them, I'm like, why y'all don't date the women that come to church? They don't like them. They date me, they like me, even though a lot of people would say I'm a heathen, even though I am a b believer. I'm just, I've deconstructed a lot of my faith. And um I've had the cross, I feel like I have the closest relationship with God that I've ever had in my life. But I don't show up the same way that a lot of people would determine, oh, like, yeah, this this woman is a good woman of God. Come to church every week. They dating me. If a man likes you, he doesn't care. Just come learn the basics, come learn the bomb experience and the roster challenge, and I'll show you how to just be a woman and be human. We've just forgotten the art of doing that, of being present and being human and being a woman and interacting with the man. It's not that complicated. Someone says, What are your thoughts on telling men your opinions on social topics? I often find myself disappointed in men's perspectives. Am I wrong for expecting men to be progressive thinkers and I just keep my thoughts to myself? Uh, it just depends. Um, it really depends. Some things I have as non-negotiable. I don't allow men to talk about women in front of me. Like if a man has an opinion about women that I don't agree with, I don't allow them to give them, give me their opinions. I don't care. But also, I don't limit myself to date men if they don't disagree with, if they disagree with my thought process, I don't, I don't necessarily not date them. I don't look to date men to date the one. I learn through dating men. I refine myself through dating men. If something is a non-negotiable, and I'm like, yeah, I absolutely can't deal with that. So for example, if you're red-pilled out, me and you can't ever date. Like there was one man that put black women down on our first call. I never spoke to him again. It really just depends. But typically I will date men with difference in opinions as long as they're not non-negotiables for me. I do not argue with men. That's one thing I do not do. I don't see a point in arguing with men. You believe this, I believe that, I don't argue with men. All right. I'm only answering questions from the question box, by the way. How

Q And A: Dating Multiple Men

SPEAKER_01 1:03:19

to not feel guilty dating multiple men at once. That's what you learned in the challenge. Come to the challenge. But the reason why you feel guilty is because you think men owe you loyalty. I mean, you think you you think you owe men loyalty. And that's the reason why you feel guilty. You think you need to give men loyalty they have not earned. You would much rather give a man loyalty than him earning you by serving and supporting you. You don't think a man needs to earn you. That's why you feel guilty. You don't think a man should put in the effort to earn your trust, to earn your exclusivity. You don't think that you're worthy of that. Or men should have to do that. That's why you feel guilty. If a man ever thought I was supposed to I was supposed to talk to one man at a time, I can't ever see myself going exclusive with a man, and he's not number one. He hasn't put an asset in my name, and he isn't paying bills in my house, and he isn't serving and supporting me on a regular basis. I'm dating a guy now that I'm not exclusive with, and I have an asset in my name, and he's paying bills in this house, and I'm still not exclusive. And I still don't feel guilty about dating other people. I won't. I shan't. I shan't. The girls are sitting. Someone said, What percentage of men do you think are good? Provider, kind, safe, good values, and don't secretly hate women. I think that's a waste of a question. I think it's a wrong question. I think it's a useless question. Cause then if you get the answer, then what are you gonna do with it? It doesn't like to me, I don't even think about stuff like that. The only thing I think about is who is providing for me? Who is kind for me? Who is safe for me? Who has good values for me? Who doesn't seek uh who secretly hate women? I don't think about the percentage. There's billions of people on the planet, millions of men. I only focus on what I have control over, and that is me putting myself in proximity to the provider, kind, safe men with good values and secretly help women. Everything else is a distraction and a waste of my time. It doesn't get me closer to my goal. It's a waste of time. I personally think it's a waste of your time too. I the only thing I'm worried about, how do I get in front of the men that I want regularly? How do I meet the men that I want regularly? Everything else is a distraction. Someone asks, how do how long do the Saturday sessions last? They're an hour. It's six weeks. Y'all, if y'all type roster, a lot of the questions y'all will have answered will be in that document. It's a document that you can look at and read and go through. It has a lot more information. Okay? All right, I'm done answering questions. I am gonna save this live. Go ahead and put roster in the comment section before I close out this live. I would love for you to join us on Saturday. So go ahead and type roster, and then I'll give you a little second to do that. You're welcome. I'll give you guys a second, and then I'm out. Alright, I'm gonna save this live. Bye. Alright,

Final Push And Closing

SPEAKER_01 1:07:18

girl, that was the episode. Make sure that you take one of those lies and prove them wrong through your action. You can start this week and implementing something. You can if you if you feel like you don't know where to start, choose some place to start and collect the data on it. If you feel like that uh you got a heel to start dating, go on a date. Go on a date and see what data comes up for you. And you can also try all of this with me in the Relationship Roster Challenge. Go ahead, girl, quit playing. I've been talking about it this whole couple weeks. In this episode, there's no reason why if you want a relationship why you should not indulge. So I look forward to seeing you there. And until next time, bye.