How I Make It Easy For Men To Pursue Me

There's a difference between a man getting your number and a man actually pursuing you. I've learned how to inspire the men I want to pursue me—planning the dates, investing, and showing up consistently—without ever forcing it or looking thirsty.

In this episode, I'm breaking down exactly how I make it easy for a man to pursue me when he already wants to. You'll find out why men feel pressure from you without you ever saying a word, the way good girls accidentally push men away while thinking they're being interested, and what most women confuse for a real connection that isn't one at all.

Walk away knowing how to create an experience a man can't stop thinking about—so the right man moves toward you instead of pulling back.

Learn more about private 1:1 coaching with me. Book a sales call HERE to speak with me. 

Follow me on Instagram for more dating gems at: 

@torahcents 

@curved2cuffed 

Transcript

Tender Check-In And Life Updates

SPEAKER_00 0:00

What's up, lover girl? Welcome back to the Date with Sense podcast. I am your host, Torah Sense, and today I am feeling I'm feeling a little tender. I have been um navigating various challenges that come with scaling a business. And sometimes these challenges hurt my feelings, and uh sometimes they uh expand me emotionally, like I have to develop more emotional range to not self-abandon uh because running a business is not faint of the heart. I'm feeling very tender, I'm also feeling very settled. Uh, many of you don't know, but I used to have really terrible anxiety. I would have panic attacks. I would wake up in the morning with my chest beating very, very heavy. And so to now like live my life where I have a sense of calm, relaxation, um, a nervous system that isn't activated most of the time, it just feels really, really beautiful. So, and I'm also very excited because I am, I just got a new poll in my house, an actual studio grade poll. I've had a poll for the last few years, but that particular poll was a studio grade and it began to bend and get out. And so now I have a studio grade poll in my home, and I am hosting my uh I'm hosting a poll breaking party. So I'm inviting all my poll friends, and we are going to be um having a poll breaking ceremony with some bubbly, where they like we're how we'll have prizes and everyone climbs a pole, does their favorite moves, we'll have drinks. I want people to meet each other. So yeah, it's gonna be a great time. Very excited about

Making Pursuit Easy For Him

SPEAKER_00 1:56

that. Anywho, this episode is it's a good piggyback after the last episode. The last episode, I talked about how I get men to notice me when I walk into a room without looking thirsty, without being desperate around the situation. And every time I'm going out, like I'm able to meet men of all walks of life. And it's such a fun experience for me. And so this episode, I'm gonna be talking about how I make it easy for men to pursue me. So we have the initial meeting of when men are noticing me, but then they're able to approach. Okay, so how are these men pursuing me? How do I inspire men to pursue me? Now, before I get into the lesson, I do want you to understand that inspiring a man to pursue is a skill or an embodiment or an embodied way of interacting with a man if he wants to like you. Typically, I will have a lot of women coming to me asking, how do I get this man to pursue me, or how do I inspire this man to plan more dates and call me more or not talk about sex? And so they want to use my frameworks and the things that I teach in order to force something to happen. But what I'm about to share with you today, it only works if a man wants to like you, if he already desires to like you. Because there are lots of men that will ask for your number and they do not desire to like you. They might desire to have sex with you, they might desire to manipulate you for money, they might desire you, desire to manipulate you for an ego boost, a dopamine hit to fulfill their boredom for entertainment. And I need y'all to know the difference because a lot of times y'all confuse a man giving you his number or asking for your number and thinking he's really serious or he wants to follow through. Sometimes these men are bored. Sometimes these men want a side check. Sometimes these men want sex. And that is okay for you to understand. Every man is not going to be trying to create a relationship. And so it's so easy to get out of bent out of shape because you think something that's gonna happen. So this episode is not about getting somebody to like you. A man has to already want to like you for what I'm saying to work. All right. That's what I want to preface. I don't because some of y'all might be trying to use this. Oh, my crush that wasn't paying attention to me. Let me use this on him. My emotionally unavailable ex, let me use this on him. Girl. Only men who want to like you. All right.

When This Only Works

SPEAKER_00 5:05

So when I talk about pursuit, pursuit is very, there's a clear definition on how I teach this and what I provide for my clients. Number one, pursuit involves three different things. Number one, a man has to be paying you attention. That means that he's giving you compliments, he is asking you questions about who you are. He is you're hearing from him regularly on a regular basis. Like he's giving you attention from the in the calls and uh text messages. There's attention on dates. He's not like distracted, he's paying attention to you. The second thing involved in pursuit, there is intention. So, yes, he might be texting you every day, calling you every day, complimenting you, but he has to be intentional. What this means is this man is intentional about moving you forward. He's being intentional about planning dates, he's being intentional about introducing you to important people in his life. He's being intentional about looking at his life and then seeing how you fit in it and inviting you into the future of his life and where you fit in it. So not only is he giving you attention, he is intentionally moving you forward. There is no, how do I get him to plan a date? That man is giving you attention, but he's not being intentional. And then there is investment. A man could be giving you a lot of attention, he could be moving you forward, but he might not want to really invest in you. There is the main investments that I talk about: financial investment and emotional investment. Lots of men will not want to give up two of those. They'll give up their time, but they might not give up. They'll what I mean is they might give up their time investment very easy, but not their emotional investment, not their financial investment. So if we're talking about financial investment, that's literally him spending money on things that don't benefit him. If it doesn't benefit him, then it's an investment. Him taking you out on a date that he's on is not a financial investment. He's benefiting from it. Okay. Anytime a man is taking you on a grand date and he's spending lots of money on it, but he's there too. Again, it still doesn't mean that's a financial investment. He would have done that if you were not there. So financial investment is when he's doing something that he's financially investing in a way where he doesn't benefit from it. And then the emotional investment is it looks like him asking questions about who you are as a woman, like trying to figure out who you are. He's remembering things that you bought up before. And he's either showing that he remembers by following up with it or helping you try to implement it. So, for example, if you mention, hey, you wanted to switch industries in your career, he's probably gonna bring that up a few weeks later. He's probably gonna ask you a few more questions and he might be offering assistance towards it as well. So that is what that looks like. So again, pursuit is clear. Pursuit is not a man getting your number. Pursuit is not a man giving you compliments and calling you every day. Pursuit isn't even if a man is throwing money at you. He has to have these three things in order for there to be true pursuit. And so I just wanted to lay that groundwork there to talk about what pursuit is before I talk about like how I inspire men to pursue me and to show up for me in the way that I

Defining Real Pursuit

SPEAKER_00 9:18

want. So the first thing that I do with men is I am very present. I am very present. I am in the moment with a man. I am not thinking about the past, what past men have done. I am not thinking about the future that I can create with this man. I don't meet a man and immediately start trying to figure out what can this be? I'm not sitting here like, is this my boyfriend exclusively? Is this my husband? Is this going somewhere? Oh my gosh, I hope he calls me. I wonder when our next date is going to be. I wonder what kind of father he would be. No, I'm just with him in the moment. So, for example, I met a guy recently at my private club. I was at the bar. We ended up having a conversation at the bar, and I learned so much about this man, and he was so intriguing. I talked a little bit about this with my subscribers. He, very, very intriguing man. He's an African-American guy who convinced his mother to let him go to boarding school at the age of 15. She was a single mom. He ended up going to boarding school, really becoming uh friends with very resourceful people at a very, very young age. He ended up moving to Spain for a year, learning Spanish fluently. He has, he was, at one point in time, he was a middle school teacher. And then he eventually decided that he wanted to become an investor, a real estate investor and developer, and like just buy homes or develop the homes and either sell the properties or rent them out. And I'm like, I'm thinking, this guy's really young, you know, he's 30 years old, very young guy. And I thought he, I thought it was a very friendly interaction. I thought he was attractive. I thought he was incredibly interesting. And not one time did I think, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, like, what can this be? He eventually, before the end of the night, he asked to exchange numbers. We exchanged, and then he invited me out to have drinks with him later on in the week. Again, I'm not thinking, oh my gosh, what can this be between us? And can he be like on my roster? Or um, is this something that we're is this a guy that's going to be added to my roster by the end of summer? Like, I wasn't thinking any of that. I'm like, oh, this seems like a friendly interaction. I am going to do friendly things with this man. And one of those friendly things is just going to join him for drinks. He invited me for drinks. Um, because I'm also thinking about, oh, how can this be a new um, how can this be a place where I build my social capital? Because I'm I'm all about meeting people. So instead of thinking, like, how can this, like, is this gonna be my man or is this gonna be a future romantic partnership for me? I'm thinking, oh, I said I was gonna build my social capital. That's what I'm gonna do. I could invite him to one of my parties or something like that. I'm interested in that, right? I'm in the present moment, but anything is possible that's focused on my goals and not like looking at him to fulfill them, if that makes sense. But when I got to the place for drinks, first of all, I had my own solo date that day. And then I said, okay, I'm gonna swing by, meet him for drinks after my own solo date. So I made me the center of the whole thing, not like, oh, let me get dressed for him. It's like, let me get dressed for me, my solo date, and we'll take myself to a really nice steakhouse that I've never been to. I went there and then I said, Let me swing by and meet him for drinks. The place was absolutely gorgeous. And I thought I was gonna see him at the bar, but he was actually seated waiting for me at a table. I sat down, and this man is like, hey, you know, I just ordered some caviar for the table. You can definitely order anything that you'd like. Um, he started to tell me about the place that he invited me to and why it was his favorite place. And again, you probably wonder, what's this got to do with being present, Torah? Again, I'm just sitting there with him and allowing this to unfold. And this was a really, really great dinner that started to feel romantic towards the end. Like after all of our conversations that we've had, we've we we continued to have a really, really great conversation with one another the whole night. We closed the restaurant out. We were there for hours on this date. And I I said a date. At the end of it, I was like, I don't know, I think this was a date, right? And I didn't think anything of it after that. I'm like, if it was a date, that's fine. I went live to my subscribers and I was just like, hey, y'all, I don't know if this was a date or not. It it probably could have been. I really, really enjoyed myself. And one of the reasons why I started feeling romantic in a date because we were, you know, complimenting each other. We were talking about romance. He ended up spending like between $600 and $700 in food that came to the table. Um we he was such a gentleman in how he interacted with me. And I was like, this felt really, really good. But also, I wasn't thinking, oh, I hope he calls me tomorrow. I after I went home, he walked me to my car, got into my car, went home. I let him know that I got home safe. I had such a great time. He let me know the same. And it wasn't a thought of, I hope something happens with this. The only thought I had was, I really enjoyed this. I want more experiences like this. I really like this experience. I'm really, really enjoying myself. I didn't think, oh, like, you know, he must like me because he spent that amount of money on me, or he must like me because why did he invite me? It doesn't matter whether he likes me or not. I'm in the present moment and what's in front of me. And even if I never talk to this guy again, I am so thankful we connected and we met and we had such a great time, and nothing has to happen. The reason why being present is so important is because men don't feel pressure from me. They do not feel pressure from me because a lot of women don't realize that when you're outside of the present moment, people can feel the pressure for you to make things happen because you're figuring, you're like, well, he's not calling. And so you're texting him to figure out where he's at, or he's not setting a date. I need to let him know he needs to set a date. All of that feels like pressure versus me being in a present moment, I can take you or leave you. So a lot of men take my, I will take you or leave you, and that makes them feel safe to pursue because they know that I am not going to be pulling at them for anything. That's number one. I don't have that kind of pressure. And then number two, because I am present, I'm in my body. I am in my body. Men typically live in their minds, in their heads most of the time. They are mind dominated. So when a woman is in her body and she's not thinking about the future, and she's not thinking about what happened in the past, and she's not have and she's not anxious around what do I do next? What do I, how do I get him to like me? Do like, how do I make sure that this moves somewhere? When she's not doing that and she's in her body, it actually regulates a man's nervous system where he feels really, really safe to be there. Okay. And it feels very fun to him to be there. It feels enjoyable to be there because it also helps him drop into his body as well. A lot of people don't realize that men have high life insurance policies, they have high car insurance policies because they're always doing some dumb shit or some reckless shit or some uh risky shit so that they can feel being in their bodies, going fast, super fast, and jumping off clips so they can just feel being inside in the present moment. But when you're able to just be with the woman that can bring you into the present moment, you get that dopamine, you get that rush, and men absolutely love it. Absolutely.

Presence That Removes Pressure

SPEAKER_00 18:48

The second thing that I do to inspire men to pursue me is I'm really just genuinely interested in men. That's it. I'm genuinely interested. A lot of women do not realize, especially good girls who were raised in religious structures. We don't realize that we accidentally objectify men. We get really upset when men objectify us for our bodies, but we objectify men by only caring about what he could do for us. We care about the relationship he could give us, we care about the marriage he could give us, the attention he can give us, the validation he can give us, the provision he can give us. Um and when we do that, when we're focused on objectifying a man, saying, like, oh, if he if he can't give me a relationship, I don't want to talk to him, or if he can't validate me, you know, I don't want to talk to him. If he can't give me marriage, I don't want to converse with him. That's objectification of a man. And I give you a really good example. I'll have women, I'll have clients, they'll come to me and they'll say, Yeah, Torah, I'm just, I just wasn't interested in what this man had to say. You know, I'm I'm I'm not interested. And so I'm like, okay, what was he talking about? And they'll tell me the things that he was talking about. And I'm like, how are you not interested in that? Uh one example I had was from a client recently, and she was saying, Oh, I didn't want to hear him talk about engineering. And I said, What about engineering was he talking about? Come to find out, this man was very, very passionate about his work and what he does around his work. He was very, very lit up. Her mind went to, I don't want to talk about engineering versus this is what matters to this man. I'm actually very, very curious about what matters to this man. And because engineering matters to him, I want to know why this lights him up so much. I want to know why he's so excited about this. But when we're so focused on I want a relationship, you're like, I don't, boy, stop talking about engineering and talk about this date you're gonna plan. Stop talking about anime and start talking about how you're gonna go exclusive with me. Stop talking about um uh what Comic-Con. Stop talking about this, stop talking about that, because I don't care about that shit. I don't care about any of the stuff that you're talking about. I wanna know about the stuff that I care about, and I want to know if you could be in a relationship with me. We don't care about the stuff. We don't care about Star Wars. We don't care. And I always care. I whether it's romantic or platonic, I always care. And is I don't love engineering. I could care less about engineering itself. I could care less about anime itself. I could care less about Star Wars. I care, or Pokemon, right? You'd be surprised by some of the stuff, man. Are really, really interested in or cars. I could care less. I am not a soccer fan, but Poppy is. And so I am tr intrigued and lit up about what intrigues and lights him up about soccer. I'm like, oh, why do you why do you like this player so much? Or why do you like this move so much? I could care less. I could never, it's the FIFA. No shade to anybody who's enjoying the World Cup right now. But I could never watch, I don't have to watch a soccer game for the rest of my life. I will be perfectly fine. He absolutely loves it. And I love that he loves it. Okay. When it comes to men, I care about what lights them up as a person. I care about what gets a man excited. I care about how he thinks. I care about what success means to him as a man. I care about what keeps him up at night. I care about what he's proud of, regardless of whether we are going to be dating or not, whether we're going to be in an exclusive relationship or not. I just care. I'm just interested in the human being sitting across from me. I am just interested in the human being sitting across from me. And especially considering that we're all God's creatures, and I just want to be interested in God's creatures. Most women just aren't. Most women want the pursuit, and they don't really care about who the man is. Their eyes glaze over the second a man opens his mouth, and it's something that they personally don't talk about or care about. All right. And this is one of the reasons why I've been able to meet and befriend so many wealthy men lately, millionaires, um, very high-earning men. I make it so easy for them because I'm genuinely interested in who they are. I'm not out here to extract from them. I'm not out here to create transactions. These men do not feel interrogated by me. They do not feel like I'm trying to squeeze a connection. They actually feel like I care. I looked at all the male millionaires in my phone. And I say millionaires because these are the men that I've been purposely exchanging information from. Not because I don't care about the rest of men. It's because this is something I'm challenging myself on, FYI. And for Father's Day, I sent them all Father's Day messages. They were so happy. They were so happy that I sent the Father's Day message. Again, I was so interested in the conversation. I remembered who had kids. I remembered the kids' names. I remember some of them are married. I remember the wives' names and hit them up. Right? They don't feel like I am out to get them. Um, and even and even like the um the security guards, when I go to different places, I don't know if they're called security guards. They are like the people that manage the spaces of like the hotels, security, I don't know. But I get to know them at these different places I go to the events, and they put me on a different stuff and they let me roam in a way that other women don't because I am genuinely interested in who these men are and I have conversations with him. I don't treat him like he's security. I'm interested in him, and men feel the difference. When you are genuinely interested in a man, again, he feels safe to pursue because he knows that you're not out to objectify him for a relationship or to pressure him for a date or a relationship. It's all released. I let the man decide if that's what he wants with me, but I am just genuinely interested in who he is as a man. And the and the more I am just interested in who he is, the less pressure he gives he gets from me, and the more likely he is to pursue me if he wants to like me.

Genuine Curiosity About Men

SPEAKER_00 26:06

The third thing that I do is I just let men experience me. I let them experience me. I'm I tend to be very open and expressive with men. And men love to pursue women that they actually get to experience. As high achieving good girls, typically we are guarded or we have a wall up because we don't want men to think certain things about us. We don't want to rock the boat with men, we don't want to let men in because we don't want to be hurt by them. But the problem is men can never really feel you, they can never really sense you. One of my biggest compliments from men is their ability to feel into me. Okay. I'm expressive. I'm not spending my time filtering myself. I am not worrying about what a man's gonna think if I say this or if I do that, if I'm excited, I say that I'm excited, right? So if I met a man one night, I'm like, oh, I'm so excited to have met you. I don't have to make that a big deal. If I appreciate something, oh, I really appreciate that you did blah, blah, blah, blah. I say I don't think I'm gonna lose my power over this man. If he knows that I'm excited, if he knows that I like him, if I like him, I will say that I like him. Okay. If I if I want to compliment him and he hasn't complimented me first, I don't think, well, he hasn't complimented me first. I'm like, I'm gonna, I like what I see, I'm gonna compliment that. If I disagree, I disagree. If I think something is beautiful, I say it's beautiful. I don't think about what this man is gonna think of me. For example, the man that I met from my private club this week, we're gonna use him as an example because he's the most recent one. Um, and this was an interesting case. So when he invited me, he said, I'm gonna be around the place around eight o'clock. Mind you, you tell me around eight o'clock, you let me know you want you if I want to join you for drinks, I should definitely join. I see that's very casual. I do not see it as a date whatsoever. That's why I didn't define it as a date. I just I define it as a connection, uh, connecting with the new connection. So I got there quote unquote late because he didn't say at eight. He said around eight. I showed up at 8.15. He had already, he'd been sitting there since 7.55. Okay. But again, he did not share the that this was a date, and he did not say he was gonna be sitting at the damn table. I thought he was gonna be at the bar having a good old funky time with some other people. So I looked around and, you know, I sat down and I didn't think like, oh my gosh, I've been, I'm already late. Let me just sit here, order my food. When he said he ordered caviar for the table, I looked at him and I was just like, I feel really beautiful here. This is so gorgeous. Do you mind if I get up and I walk around a few minutes before I order before we eat? You know, I didn't think like, oh, I need to be a good girl and just sit here. And I took, I it probably took me five to ten minutes to walk around because I met people when I walked around. I met different bartenders, I met different waitresses. I really wanted to look at the architecture. It was a really nice spot. And this man did not take a bite out of his appetizer until I sat back down. And I didn't feel bad about it whatsoever. I was just open and excited. I was open to let him know I'm excited to be here. I want to go walk around the place. Oh, and by the way, you look very nice today, right? I love your chain. I love, I love how your shirt fits. It looks really nice. Um, and I told him I was excited to see him. Right? I told him I was excited that I had a great time. I didn't really, I didn't sit there holding everything in, trying to look cool or unbothered or or um like I needed to follow the rules. I didn't think I needed to follow the rules. I'm I'm I was open and expressive the whole way. And by the end of the night, he was complimenting me on, he said, like, I love how elegant you are. I love, I love how open you are. I love how you how you wore the dress and how you picked up the train of your dress and was just walking around with the dress. By the way, I was completely overdressed. I dressed for, and when I say overdressed, I mean for the space. I think I be perfectly dressed, but I am like, I be having full gowns on. And I dressed this way for my solo date, and um I wore it there and I embodied the dress. I was just open and expressive about the dress. I was also very opinionated at the table. You know, when he stated something, I said, Well, you know, I'm gonna have to disagree with that because blah, blah, blah, blah. And I also admit it when I was wrong. I was like, hey, you know, I'm gonna take my thought back. I think you're right on that. I think, I think I was wrong there. I think I had the opinion that I had previously. I think you you kind of knocked that opinion out because of blah, blah, blah. Just very open, very expressive, didn't really hold back, wasn't really concerned about anything. I allowed myself to use my, not just my hands, but my arms. I open up my chest when I'm talking, not just my hands where I'm like constrained. I wish you could see how I'm holding my hands when people talk about their hands. I I talk with my shoulders. I talk with my chest. I talk with my uh, I can talk with my belly, I talk with my neck. My whole upper body is involved in a conversation that I'm having. And so I can I can be felt in expression. Okay. And so that's one re that's one way men get to experience me. I don't think that I lose my power around a man when he gets to see the real me. A lot of women are like, I'm reserved when a man gets to know me better. You know, no, I'm it's it's you're sharing your representative. I like to share who I am as much as possible and express myself and have boundaries so that I don't feel like I'm losing anything from it, or I don't want to say like the losing of the power. When you have your standards and your boundaries, there is no power to be lost there. But a man is gonna always want to pursue a woman that he actually gets to experience.

Letting Him Experience The Real You

SPEAKER_00 33:05

The fourth thing that I do is I create memories with men. I'm always creating a moment that stands out because people will not remember conversations, people will remember how they feel in a conversation. And a lot of times, feelings are linked to memories. And I'll give you an example. I know there's been times when you've been really angry at somebody. You can't remember what you were angry about, but there's a core memory that there was maybe a disagreement or argument. You can't remember about the specific argument, the words, but you remember how you felt because of the memory that's attached. The same thing happens positively. You may not remember specific words in a conversation, but you create the memory. So when y'all are talking to men for hours and hours, you're not necessarily creating memories. That's why it doesn't mean a lot for men when they talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk to you, and we're not creating a lot of memories. So, for example, one of my favorite things to do with men when I'm out and about is I love to take selfies with them. If a man has paid my tab, those would have been like if you ever see me take a selfie with a man, sometimes I'll post them to my subscriber story, sometimes I'll post them publicly. That man has shown me a great time. And I do the same by allowing him to take photos with me. I lots of men love to take photos with the pretty girl. And I let them take photos with me. I, you know, sometimes I'll tell them what to do in the photos, and I'll send the picture to them later. And now we both got a memory from that night that we, this picture that we took from one another. Um, another one, a man that I met recently at another guy I met at my private club. He ordered a certain drink, and I laughed. And I said, I had the same drink, and I was like, Oh, you know, you're trying to be like me. You, you like we didn't know each other. I was like, oh, bartender, he's trying to be like me. He's trying to order my same drink. And uh now every time we talk and I see him doing something like me, I just tell him, I was, I'm just like, oh, you're you're just trying to be like me. And now it's our insider joke. It's our insider joke, and now he's like, oh no, you're trying to be like me. Again, it's a it's a memory. We may not remember the specific conversations that we've had, but we remember a core memory and the feeling attached, something as small as that. Okay. I remember y'all got y'all guys remember when I was dating Saudi and on our first date, I jumped out of the car singing Whitney Houston, I'll always love you. And I didn't even know this man. I met him on a dating app the night before. The the night of, because we had a date that same night. I met him on Bumble. I hopped out singing. This man told me I was crazy, but he loved it. He said, Oh my gosh, my Uber, my Uber driver thought you was crazy. You're really crazy. And I said, and I know that you love it. I know that you absolutely love it. Um, I had clients, one of my clients created a memory with a guy when she was going on on the first date with him. She sent him a fun countdown video that countdown to the date, and the animation was the countdown. And he was, he thought that was so cute and so funny. Little ways you can create memories with men is leaving fun little voice notes about nothing. There, that it doesn't care, like it doesn't have to be deep. It could just be something fun and enjoyable to create a core memory. These moments matter. I I was I would send videos to men of like, you know, here's your selfie for the day, like men that I felt like earned that level of access to me. Again, creating memories. Those moments really matter. And when you're creating memories for a man, when he's away from you, he's thinking about how he feels when he's around you. Because when he's around you, there's lots of memories being created. All right.

Creating Memories He Keeps

SPEAKER_00 37:31

And the last thing that I do is I make men feel seen, heard, and understood. This is where emotional bonding happens. A lot of women are complaining about men being emotionally unavailable. But the reason why they think a lot of these men are emotionally unavailable is because they, number one, they're not genuinely interested in getting to know a man, and a man knows how to protect himself. He will shut down for you because you feel like pressure. You feel like you're trying to lock him down. You feel like you're not trying to get to know who he is and to understand him. But when a man feels seen, heard, and understood, he feels safe to pursue. He feels safe to be emotionally open. He feels safe to share more about who he is without trauma dumping on you. This don't get this confused with the man who trauma dumps. This is a healthy man who feels safe enough to share the things that come up for you, for him, share his excitement, share his concerns, share his fears, share his joy, share important moments in his life because now he knows he's sharing it with a woman who understands and not with a woman who's looking to get something from him, a woman who's looking to get a relationship from him or a date from him. So, for example, the guy that I met this week, and we ended up going on what felt like a date. I don't know what it is, it doesn't even matter. But he was telling me, like I mentioned earlier, that he convinced his mother, who was a single mother, to let him go away from boarding school. And instead of like allowing that to go to another question, I literally just stopped and I stared at him and I said, Wow, like that must have been a really tough decision to make. That sounds like that might have been a really hard decision that you had to tell a woman that was raising you and depending on you, because he was the oldest out of all the boys. She was depending on you that you wanted to leave home. And then he paused and he shook his head. He was like, Yeah, it really was, you know, and we got to sit there. And that was emotional bonding. That is where he was able to feel seen, heard, and understood. This wasn't a simple story anymore that he was telling me. This was a place where we he got to be understood about the man that he is. Another man was telling me about how he built his wealth recently. And when I'm listening to him, I hear his accomplishments, but I'm also listening for the experience. I'm like, oh, what like what did it cost him to do that? And when I say cost, I don't mean money. I mean opportunity cost, I mean relationship cost, what did he learn? What was he proud of? And then I'll reflect it back. I might say something like, wow, that sounds like a very powerful decision. Like, oh wow, that seems like for you to build a family like that while building your business, that's like that's very admirable. That had to um that had to feel like a very huge accomplishment for you. And it also had to feel very rewarding to have your family along with the business. And yet he's like, Yeah, yeah, absolutely. People don't often get to feel deeply understood, especially men. And when they do, they remember exactly who made them feel that way. And that it that was the guy who invited me to his birthday party, where there are going to be plenty of other wealthy individuals, plenty of other people that I can make connections with, plenty of resourceful people, because I was able to connect with him in that way. All right.

Seen Heard Understood And Bonding

SPEAKER_00 41:41

So when you put all of this together, of how I inspire men to pursue you, I mean, pursue me, being present, being genuinely interested in a man, letting a man experience me, creating memories, and making him feel seen, heard, and understood. There is this whole experience that I'm creating for this man. And those core moves that I mentioned, the being genuinely interested, letting a man experience you, creating memories, and well, being open and letting a man experience you, creating memories, creating memories and making him feel seen, heard, and understood is what I call the bomb experience. The bomb stands for bona fide interest. You're genuinely curious about him there. The O stands for open. You're letting him see the real you, experience the whole you. The M is memorable. You're creating memories and making a mark that he doesn't forget, no matter how small it is. And then B is bonding emotionally, where you're making him feel seen, heard, and understood. A lot of women are like, I don't understand why we didn't connect, like, I don't understand like why he didn't ask me on a second date or like what happened. We had such a great connection. And what you're not realizing is that you having a connection is not the same thing as him feeling seen, heard, and understood, and him creating a connection with you. Okay. All of this is standing on you being in the present moment, you being right there in the present moment with him. You can't be genuinely interested in a man, curious, you can't be open with the man, you can't create memories with the man, and you can't bond emotionally with a man if you're not present. If you're in your head, always overthinking, always trying to figure out the next move, always trying to make something happen, you cannot create an experience, and which is why a lot of men who want to like you, they want to like you bad. They're interested in you, but the experience isn't there, right? And this is what I teach my clients. I teach my clients how to implement the bomb experience in their everyday lives with them. I teach them no matter what walk of life, where they live in the world, uh, what kind of situation they're in, whether they're plus size, single mom, whether they're in caregiving, whether they are single, no kids, but very, very busy in their profession, whether they have trust issues, no matter what, I teach women how to create a bomb experience from the moment you meet a man, from the moment he sees you from across the room. And then I teach you how to do it when he what to do when he approaches you. I teach you what to do in the first 24 hours. I teach you how to provide this experience in the first few days, in the first week, on the first date, and in the first month of meeting this man. A lot of women are very concerned about them never being able to quote unquote close the deal with man for exclusivity. Learning the bomb experience is going to be very, very key. And a lot of women um don't know how to apply it to their lives.

The BOMB Framework And Next Steps

SPEAKER_00 45:07

So if you're interested in learning how to apply it to your life and also how to get coached on it, because I'll have women say, Torah, I thought I was giving him the experience. And I'm like, let me see, let me look. Right? If it's a text message or if I replay, if they give me a play-by-play that happened, I'm like, oh no, you didn't, that's not the experience. If you want this kind of coaching, if you want this kind of breakdown, if you want these tools, I do number one encourage you, you can either work with me one-to-one privately, or you can join Curve to Cuff when the doors open in a couple of um months. And um, I'll put the link in the show notes if you want to book a sales call to see about working with me one-to-one. Or you can wait till Curve to Cuff opens up and start getting that information. Get your coins ready for Curve to Cuff. And uh yeah, and if you enjoyed this episode, send it to a girlfriend, tag me on social media, and also leave a review. Leave a written review. Let me know if this episode was helpful for you and if you're able to use anything. And until next time, bye.