Delicious Dating Q&A Part 5

In this episode, I'm answering your dating questions live and giving you real answers, not fluff. 

You'll find out what to do when life is beating you up but you still want to date, why a man spending big money on you might mean nothing at all, and what most women get wrong about the man who says all the right things and then disappears.

Walk away knowing how to make decisions about men without asking your girlfriends, the group chat, or the comment section what his behavior means.

If you want to build a roster of two to three commitment-ready men, join my free training on August 16 HERE.

Join the Training: Build Your Roster: Attract 3 Commitment-Ready Boyfriends in 90 Days

Follow me on Instagram for more dating gems at: 

@torahcents 

@curved2cuffed 

Transcript

Live Dating Q And A Setup

SPEAKER_00 0:00

What's up, Lova Girl? Welcome back to the Date with Sins podcast. This is another delicious dating QA. I think we're we've done quite a few of these, at least four of them previously. So this episode is pretty much an Instagram live where I am just going live and I'm answering all of your fun, confusing, juicy questions. Like, oh Tora, I'm dating multiple men at a time. Should they know if I am dating all of them or not? Or hey, Tora, I just lost my job and I don't feel like I should be dating right now. What do you suggest? Or, oh, Tora, you know, I uh was talking to a guy and he told me we were doing this and doing that, and he said I was beautiful and interesting, and he wanted to get to know me. He was so excited, he's planning the future, and then he ghosted me. This episode is to answer these questions. So I'm excited about the episode, but first, y'all curve the cuff is about to open up next month, and uh in honor of Curve to Cuff reopening, we are going to be hosting a training August 16th, Sunday at uh 12 p.m. at noon called Build Your Roster. And so you definitely, if you wanna join Curve to Cuff, you definitely want to be at that training because I have a special bonus that you're gonna want access to. I know the last time, the last bonus I offered, there were people that listened to the replay and they were like, hey, is the bonus still available? And I'm like, nope, uh it's all gone. All the girls got it. So you definitely want to be one of the first ones to uh uh uh um uh be there and join C2C in order to take advantage of that. But yeah, there should there is going to be a link in the show notes for you to register for the training. Make sure that you do that. Uh uh put it on your calendar. Don't you schedule no dates during that time? Make sure you're home from church and uh in front of the computer and just ready to number one, learn. And two, uh join C2C if you've been on the fence waiting. It's the middle of 2026. If you came into this new year thinking things were gonna change and your love life was still uh not where it needs to be, it's time to get off the fence and do something about it. So without further ado, uh here's uh the episode.

Dating When Life Feels Heavy

SPEAKER_00 2:44

Someone says, How do you psych yourself uh up uh when life is whooping your ass, but you still want to date and meet good dudes? That's a really good question. And it also depends on the ways that life is whooping your ass. But one of the things that I teach is something called dating with crutches. Whenever we get, let's just say, put a one in the comments if you've ever broken a limb when you were younger. You may have broken an arm, broken a leg. Something happened to you to where it complicated the way you were able to move around. That did not stop you from your broken arm and broken leg. You had to wear a cast on it, but that didn't stop you from washing your ass at night. It didn't stop you from being with friends or family. It didn't stop you. A lot of times y'all had a period where you may have had the thing set, but you kept going to work with the cast on, right? You didn't stay out of work the whole um six weeks that you had to let the bone set, or the whole like or you had to go to school. If you broke it really, really young, you still had to go to school. So that's how I look at dating when life is whooping your ass. It's like now you have to have um a support, like a structure. Things are gonna look different. You're going to have life whooping your ass, and you're going to date in a way that makes sense. You don't stop doing all those things when your arm and your leg is broken. What happens is you just do them differently. You wash differently, you get to places differently, you drive differently, like you get you get to places differently with certain types of transportation, right? You spend time with people differently. You don't stop it, you go to school differently, right? You show up at school differently, you show up at work differently, but you just don't stop doing it. The same thing happens with dating. If you are not in like a super survival mode where you literally are about to be homeless, right, then there's opportunities for you to date. So, for example, when I left my marriage and I was financially instable, unstable. I one of the things that I did, because I didn't feel like dealing with the dating apps at the time, and I didn't have a lot of clothes because I when I tell you I left my marriage, I left everything. I left clothes, I left all my clothes. I left because y'all know I got I left my marriage once I left out of jail. I got out of jail, I did not go back. I bought one dress from Sheen and I would wear that to every first date. And the way that I would get my dates is I was I would go sit at a first watch in a good neighborhood, and I would sit in the middle of the first watch cafe, and I would work. And that is how I would get my dates. I didn't go, I didn't go to like, oh, I need to go to this gala, or I need to go to this hotel lounge, or I need to go to this, I need to go to that. I'm just like, I'm about to go to this one place every day work. Who will whatever men come in here? Them the ones I got available to me right now. And that is how I got a lot of my first dates. That is how I dated on crutches. I didn't try to date like everybody else. Okay? I didn't try to date like I had a bunch of money. I didn't try to date like um, you know, I had it like that because I didn't. So I hope that answers your question, but that is how I answer that question. If you have questions, make sure they're in the question box and not in the chat.

Standards Boundaries And Broke Men

SPEAKER_00 6:35

Someone says, I'm currently with a man for 18 months and he is so broke. I'm tired of paying for everything. How do I I went on a date and the guy paid for everything? How do I attract more of those types of guys? Okay. So I think I think because you're you you asked the same question. You all right. You said, I'm currently with the man for 18 months and he is so broke, I'm tired of paying for everything. And then you also went on a date today, and the guy paid for everything. How do I attract more of those guys? So the first thing you have to real have to have is a standard. You have to have a standard and you have to have a boundary. So the standard is I am only available for men who pay. That is the standard that we have. The standard is I date men who pay. I date men with money. I date men who make a certain level of income. That is the standard for you. And then there has to be a boundary that I like if the like I am unavailable. If a man comes and he makes under a certain amount of money, or if he makes that certain amount of money, but he doesn't have the discretionary income, I walk away from those men immediately. Immediately. So for example, I only date men who meet a certain income. I'm not gonna say it out loud on this thing because I don't want I don't want the public. How dare you, Torah? You need to give the bus driver a chance. If you listen to my podcast, you know what my limit is in terms of how much a man has to make to date me. But I'm not saying in public because y'all can be dragging me on here. So when I take a man's number, because nowadays I don't give my number to men, I take their number and then I run it through a couple of apps. Uh well, first of all, I don't swipe on nobody on a dating app that don't got their occupation listed. If you don't got your occupation listed, I'm not swiping right on you. Never ever. Okay. Men who have very well established careers and they're very proud of it and they don't have any weirdness around women knowing it, they proudly put it on their profile. And I'm always looking. Again, I'm gonna swipe. If I see, oh, he's a vice president of this particular company. I already know. I are I'm already Googling, I'm already searching on ChatGBT about the salary range. I already know. Okay, I'm not gonna swipe on somebody who don't have the occupation up, number one. And number two, I'm not swiping on somebody who has entrepreneur on there. Barber, barber, slash barber, slash photographer, slash massage, masseuse, slash therapist. That means they they hustling because they don't got one big, they're not, they're not good at mastering the one cash flow. So they're trying to get cash from everywhere. They're not good at the one thing. So they gotta try to get money from everywhere. I do not mess with them in the moment a man tell me he got five different hustles, he hustling too damn much. He don't got the cash flow. So again, because I know what my standard is on what a man has to make, because I know what my um what my boundary is, I'm unavailable, I make it very, very clear ahead of time of what I'm not accepting and what I'm accepting, and I do an amazing job at tracking down what a man makes. I'm even gonna submit his number to see like what property does he own ahead of time. So on our first date, I already know what he owns. I already know all the places he lived for the last 10 years. I already know what he's in, like what properties he's invested in over the last 10 years. I'm not confused about that. I'm very, very clear. I'm not just gonna end up on a date with you. Okay. I'm not. A guy gave me his car last week. He was um a vice president of operations of a large company. I did so much research on this man before I said, yes, I'll see you. I wanted to make sure, right? I wanted to go into LinkedIn and everything. I know I know all where he lives and everything. So that's number one standards and boundaries because you're going to make sure a man measures up to that. Because I there was this girl ended up on a man with a he couldn't afford a $30 all-you can eat buffet. And all my baby, how did you even end up with that? How did you how did that happen? There was no intention. Secondly, y'all like you have to position yourself in places where men actually have resources. We are going to gas stations on Martin Luther King Boulevard and getting approached there. And then there's it's no wonder why this person doesn't have the resources to pay. We're not intentionally putting ourselves into spaces where men actually have the resources. Y'all know every Martin Luther King Boulevard. I'm sorry, Martin, and I know you didn't mean it, but every Martin Luther King Boulevard in the world is like in the hood, is in the deepest of the hood. I'm sorry. I don't know why they did him like that. But that's what we be doing. Versus, that's why I love to pay to play. The last few men that I have been out with that have been that have had that have resources. I met them at my private club. I pay $300 a month to be a part of that club. The men that are in that club, everybody has the resources to pay at least $300 a month. And that's just for junior members because I'm under 45. So imagine the men that I'm meeting that are 50, and they had to pay the higher price. They had to pay like $400 to $600 to be there a month. They have the resources, and therefore the men that approach me, they're already know they meet the standard of income to date me. They have the standard of resources to date me. So you have to be very, very intentional about where you are positioning yourself. And then next, y'all gotta start asking for men, stuff for men. Y'all gotta start asking for things because you will have a man that has money, but he won't pay for anything because he he's just not a generous man. I recommend women asking a man for something within the first week of dating him. It doesn't have to be a big thing, it could be as simple as flowers to ask a man on the first week. It could be simple as an Uber on the first week, something small. Because you will see how that man reacts. If he's like flowers, oh, I can't do that. You can't even do flowers. Oh, that man ain't gonna pay. That man is not finna pay for something that doesn't benefit him. He's just not. So therefore, no, I wouldn't like I would be asking. Y'all are not asking for things. Y'all are closing your mouth and hoping that he's gonna see, oh yeah, she don't ask, she's not greedy. I'm just gonna shower her. Like, no, the women that I know that are getting showered with things, these are the women who ain't afraid to ask for anything. And they're gonna ask for it. Okay? They're gonna ask. So I hope that answers your question. I said a lot, but this is how you attract more of those types of guys. Oh, also, and another thing, I can't forget the superficial. You gotta go out looking like something. That the superficial thing is, and a lot of us don't want to think like that. We don't want to think, oh, shallow, yes, very shallow. Women are shallow too when it comes to looks. Either play the game or get out. Like you literally have to go out looking like something. If you want them kind of men, because those men are spending their resources on women who make them look good. They're spending resources on women that they get to. I want you to think of yourself like a work of art. And people are going to the museum to see the work of art, baby. They just want to be in front of you. You gotta, you gotta, you gotta, and I'm not saying you don't look like some because I don't know you, but I mean, we're asking the question. So hope that helped. Put it to in the comment section if that answer helped you.

Starting Over After Long Marriage

SPEAKER_00 15:52

Someone says, seven years divorced with an ex-husband for 20 plus years. Where do I even begin? So thinking, where do I where do I begin? Is you thinking that there's a perfect way to start? There's a perfect way to do things. There's a perfect way to go about doing things. Okay. And it's not. If I was to ask you, where do you begin? I want you to think of the first thing that comes to your mind, and it's probably the thing that you need to do. But you might be resisting it because you don't have the whole thing figured out. A lot of women do this because they're like, what's the perfect thing? What's gonna give me the results that I want? And what's the thing that I can figure out from start to finish? Newsflash, you won't have it figured out. The first thing could you just be downloading a dating app? The first thing could you just be going to a restaurant bar and just sitting there? The first thing might be just simply making eye contact with people because maybe you you've never learned how to do that. The first thing might be saying hi and introducing yourself to people. The first thing might be, hey, calling up some friends, calling up some friends and saying, hey, I'm on the market and I'm ready. If y'all have an invitation somewhere, send me first things. But we're often looking for what is the right thing that's going to give me the right results at the right time so I can have the right love life. That's not how this works. What's one thing I can do today that can help me build skills to meet men? What's one thing I can do today to meet more men? What's one thing that I can do to um get um build my social skills? What's one thing I can do to feel more comfortable around people, right? Those are the things that you need to be focused on versus like, what's the one thing I'm gonna do to land me the relationship or land me the good men? Pick one thing and just do it consistently. That's how you start. Okay? That's how you start. For those who just jumped on, I'm hosting a free training on August 16th. If you would like to join me, it's called Build Your Roster, Attract Two to Three Commitment Ready Men. If you would like to join, put three F O R me one word, three F-O-R-M-E, one word in the chat, and you will receive a link to join my free training and secure your spot. Okay? So I would love for you to come. Um, for those of y'all who want to join my program, you will get all the information on that call if you do come to that training call at the end of that call. Someone asks, someone says, I'm only answering questions in the question box, by

Let His Actions Speak Loudly

SPEAKER_00 19:15

the way. I've been speaking to a man for almost two months. He apologized for inconsistent communication and said he'd do better and check in, but it's been over a week and he hasn't. I haven't reached out because I don't want to keep leading. Should I just let his actions speak? My question is, why aren't you letting his actions speak? What about this man that you're putting on a pedestal to where you won't let his actions speak? Because we have the actions, but there's something there. Is he tall? Is he over six foot? Is he making good money? What is it? Does he love his mama? Is he super attractive, handsome? Is he is he a leader in the community? There's something happening where we're just like, you know, I'm maybe his actions is not telling me something. Maybe, maybe I need to not pay attention to the actions because there's something that I'm gripping towards. And it's because it's my height, he's the height that I want him to be, and is and is sexy and is and is got money. It's something there where you're just like, I need to grip onto this man and ignore the actions that he's already given me. What are I want you to ask yourself, what is it? What is it that you're putting on a pedestal? Because he said he was inconsistent, he said he apologized for being inconsistent, he said he would do better, and then he didn't do better. We have the evidence. What about this man is causing you to believe or to hold on so tight to not care or to ignore the actions. I am not, I don't tell grown people what to do. I'm not the type to be like, oh, you need to leave him alone. I want you to see all the facts in front of you because you already know there's a place where you're looking for permission. And I want you to, instead of outsourcing the decision to me to tell you to go, I want you to look at everything in front of you and ask yourself, what about this do I like? What about this? Like, what why am I gripping so hard? What about this do I need? And how am I trying to get it from this man? That's gonna help you more than me telling you what to do. Because if I tell you what to do, and yet you still haven't realized why you're doing it in the first place. Place, you're just gonna do it again with another man. This is gonna happen again and again and again and again. So I want you to ask yourself that question. I want you to ask yourself that. Okay.

Roster Talk Without Overexplaining

SPEAKER_00 22:15

Someone said when you have a roster, how do you tell them that you have multiple other guys? There is no need to make a declaration that I have a roster, I have multiple guys. I do believe my recommendation is always to let men know that you are dating. Like they need to know that you're not exclusive. Even if they're the only one, they need to know that you are not exclusive with him. Therefore, there should be no exclusive expectations. So you don't have to say, I'm dating a bunch of men, or I got a roster, but it's very important for you to be like, I'm not exclusive unless a man aligns with me. So I'm always open. I'm always going to be open to dating until I meet a man who's in alignment with me, until a man who meets that. Last week a guy asked me when we were out on a date, and he goes, he was just like, So yeah, what's what's your situation? What's going on with you? Like, do you have a guy? I was like, I'm dating. And he was like, So how many guys are you dating? I said, is that the question you really want to ask me when you're sitting in front of me getting to know me? I was thinking that you were asking me on a date to get to know me and not to get to know other men.

SPEAKER_01 23:44

I I thought, that's what I thought.

SPEAKER_00 23:47

That that's what you were doing, is to get to know me. That's how I handle stuff like that. Like you want, you, you on a date with me and you asking about some men. I thought you was, I thought you were heterosexual. Why are you worrying about some other man? And then he was just like, oh, so you know you got it like that? And I'm like, I just stared at him because you want a reaction. Oh, you got it like that? What do you want from me? I'm about to finish this apple pie.

SPEAKER_01 24:23

What kind of information do you want from me?

SPEAKER_00 24:27

I'm also not afraid of men walking away. You know, I'm not afraid of men like being like, oh, that doesn't work for me. Okay. Thank you for letting me know it doesn't work for you. Someone says, I've been dating guys and I just connected with one that I really like. Do you think I should continue dating other guys, or is it okay to focus on him? I'm gonna say, do what you you can do what you want, but my recommendation is I never advise my clients to connect with a guy just because I like him. Because like doesn't prove intent. Like is a butt as feelings you got on your stomach. Why, like doesn't prove he's earned your exclusivity. I don't care how much I like a guy, it does not dictate my decision about him. I don't care if I'm in love with him, it doesn't dictate my decision. I can be deeply in love with the man and still not choose to date only him. Because my focus, I'm the most important person in my life. I am the most important person of my life. And if you have not earned it, attention is cheap. If you're not intentional, super like uh if you have not been consistently intentional about moving us forward, if you have not been intentional about creating a life that includes both of us, if you have not been intentional about um integrating me into your family, if you're not if you have not been in uh intentional about investing in me in uh emotionally and financially to where you are spending your resources on me in a way that doesn't benefit you, if you're not taking risks for my life, like showing me, so for example, um a man that dates me knows that unless he puts an asset in my name, I'm not going exclusive with him. Right? I'm not doing it. Because going is a man saying he's exclusive is not the same thing as commitment. A man is committed when he's willing to take a risk out on being with you. As a woman, especially y'all who want to be married and have kids, you are taking a risk every time you go exclusive with a man. Because number one, listen how these men talk about how you know you're getting older in the job market, you're not as valuable in the job market. I mean, not in the job market, but in the dating market as you get older. The truth is there is some truth to that. There is some truth to the older that you get, the dating market sees you differently. So why would you just go exclusive with the man because you like him? To me, that doesn't make sense. As a woman, and if I want to be married and if I want to have kids, that doesn't make sense to me. Because if it ends, this man's market value could be going up in the dating uh world while yours is going down. Right? We talk about men wanting to have kids with women uh who are you more youthful. We talk we see this all the time. Again, I went on a date with a guy in his 50s um recently, and this man said, I can't remember the last time. He said, I only date women. Uh he said, I've only been dating women who are in their 30s. It just seemed to happen that way. In my mind, I know it ain't happening that way. That's what that's what's pulling him, right? That's what's pulling him. He said, I he said, Yeah, I have a a friend, she's in her 50s, but I don't really feel like that about her. You know, I don't I don't really feel that way about her. And then I'm like, yeah, why aren't you dating women? That's your age, sir. Because he was talking about like how he ends up spending all this money on women. I was like, yeah, I'm gonna have you spending too. Because you want to date me in my 30s and you in your 50s. So yeah, you're definitely gonna be spending some money on me. I don't know. I don't know why you, I don't, I don't know why you don't see that I see the value in this, right? But understand, don't let a man trick you out of the time that you have, or don't let a man use up the time that you have just because you like him and he hasn't earned it. Then six months from now, you gotta start from scratch because you lost all your momentum because that man didn't actually qualify to be with you. That man wasn't actually invested in being with you, if that makes sense. Um, I want you to think about. Uh I also want you to think about how um, because eventually you're gonna have sex with a man and you're going exclusive. Y'all see how men talk about body count, and they talk about oh, the more bodies, the more. So you want to add to my body count and waste my time. Men, people don't see men's body count the same way. It's not fair, but it is what's happening in this world. So there is no way I would go exclusive with the man and have sex with the man without him earning it. There's no way. There's no way in hell I would do that. So I'm not gonna tell you what to do, but I will say it doesn't make sense to me to go exclusive with the guy, only focus on him, possibly give him some coochie, spend six months to a year, and he and figure out if he's earned it along the way. Right then, then you're gonna be waiting around for him to propose at that time. He has all the leverage. I don't think it's smart. Especially for a woman who wants to be married and have kids. I don't think it's smart. And for those of you who want to build a roster and how and create your own options, you you picking up what I'm putting down, come join my free training August 16th, called Build Your Roster, Attract Three Commitment Ready Boyfriends. If you want to join and you want the link to join me, the free class, put number three, F-O-R-M-E, 34me, one word, in the comment box so that you can receive the free training to your link and you can black it off on your calendar. I want you there. I want you there. Someone says,

Intimacy Comes From Presence

SPEAKER_00 31:01

best questions to ask that inspires the intimacy you mentioned in your podcast. This is not about asking questions. Building intimacy actually isn't about asking questions, it's about a state of being, it's about being present. When you are present and in your body, you ask better questions. You actually ask questions that matter. So I'll give you an example. I always, if you want to inspire an intimate connection with men that doesn't involve sex or doesn't need sex, you have to embody the state of being present. Because when you're present, you do not need a man to be your man. You do not need to be thinking about the future with him. You don't need for him to be boyfriend, material, or anything to just enjoy him as a human. When you need a man to do those, you're thinking, like, okay, like, is he gonna be a good provider? Is my mama gonna like him? What can we have a few weeks from now? Like, where is this going? Versus, like, I just enjoy this man, and because I enjoy this man, I just want to know what lights him up. I just want to know what keeps him up at night. I just want to know how he defines, like how like what like what does he learn on a daily basis? I just want to know who the cool who the coolest person on his job is, and and why does he think that? I want to know who does he admire in his life. Very, very curious about that. I just want to know who the man is, right? I want to know those things because I'm not trying, I don't care about trying to make this man my man. I just simply want to discover who he is. And when a man is very, very clear that you're not focused on objectifying him for a relationship, he opens up emotionally because he feels safe. This is not about questions. This is about a state of being. And when I also, when I'm present and I'm in my body, I also know how to see, hear, and understand him. So when he's saying certain things to me, I know how to see the perspective his way. I know how to be like, oh wow, like that actually seems really tough. Like the fact that you did this and you did that, like, wow, like you have to be really proud of yourself. Like, how did you, how were you able to do blah blah blah? Right? I can see, hear, and understand him versus needing a something to go a certain way or vetting him. Um, I'm I'm evaluating him at from an interview perspective because I think he could be my man. I'm just like, I'm just I'm there. And then also because I'm in the present, I don't need anything to have, I don't need him to think a certain way about me. So I can be open with him, right? I can be I can be myself with him. I can walk into the restaurant and break out in a song if I want to, and not even think twice about what he thinks about me. Because I don't I don't give a damn what he thinks about me. I because I'm not trying to make something happen, I'm not trying to force it. I can grab his hand, ask him to grab my hand, right? And so there's a lot of safety because I'm present, and I don't need nothing to happen. I can be myself, I don't need him to be anything so he feels safe. I see, hear, and understand him so he feels safe. Sex can be completely off the table because he's cre because he's benefiting from the intimacy that's created from me being present. And when I'm present and I'm in my body and I'm not in my head thinking about the future, thinking about the past, trying to make shit happen, he can relax and open up emotionally, and that's how we can create the connection. Put a five in the comments if that landed for you.

Future Faking And Sudden Ghosting

SPEAKER_00 35:22

Someone said, How do you deal with this? A guy meets me, tells me he finds me interesting and beautiful, texts me for a few days, asks to see me again, and even suggest going to Saint Tropez together. Then three days later, he disappears completely. He said, I'll let you know about Saint Tropez. He wanted to take me there. I liked his message, but he hasn't replied for three days. I didn't text him either. This is why I teach y'all about the pursuit framework. My clients know a man has to have three things before I ever take him seriously. The thing that this man gave you was attention. He has to have attention, intention, and investment. This man only gave intention and therefore you believed him. Attention is the cheapest thing. Y'all know men get a big dopamine rush from saying things that get the respect and honor from women. They love saying things that get the respect and honor from a woman, even when they have no plans on executing. All they're looking for is the dopamine hit so they can get through their day. Yes, I made a woman happy. Now I get to finish the rest of my day. He don't give a, even if he can't execute it, he's just happy that you let him glean off of the admiration so that he can feel good about himself. Men say a lot of things. That's why I don't take them seriously. Hi, Neesh. I don't be taking them seriously. You have to have attention. That's one thing you had, but you didn't have intention. Intention is him. He says he finds me interesting and beautiful. Okay, you find me interesting and beautiful. What are you gonna do with that information? Because I don't want to hear that shit. You know how many men tell me I'm beautiful and interesting? I don't want to hear that. What I want to hear is you're gonna take this interesting and beautiful woman on a day or the St. Tropez, and you've already booked the tickets. I don't care what you gotta say until you send me those tickets. Until you call my phone and you're like, hey, I'm I'm buying the tickets right now. What is your uh what is your TSA number? What's the number? I'm about to put it in. What's your global entry? I'm putting it in because we're finna go. And investment. If a man has not spent any money on me outside of what benefits him, then I don't, I don't like I expect for him to disappear. A man has to have three things for you to take him seriously as a man who's pursuing you attention, intention, and investment. If he does not have all three, then I would never take him seriously. I would, I don't care what he said to me. All those three things have to be in place for me to even consider taking him seriously. I remember my man told me he was like, oh man, I would just love to spoil a woman like you. I would love to, because you you seem like blah, blah, blah. I was like, oh. I said, How are you gonna spoil me this week? How do you plan on spoiling me this week? What kind of asset, like what do you plan on doing? And y'all know he unmatched me? Because I didn't give a damn about what he was saying. That didn't make me happy, that didn't make me smile, that he said that I'm a type of woman that he was spoiled. No, what what are we doing this week? How are you how are you gonna spoil me this week? And once I challenged him, he was like, oh no, she ain't playing. Let me unmatch this girl. She's not falling for the Okie doke. I am going to call your brother. I'm not one of those ones that is gonna sit back and act like, and act like, oh, you know, if I just pay my cars right, like the man I went to dinner with last week, and he told me he'd be like he says, you know, I date younger women, I end up spending a lot of money. I asked him on the date, I was like, hey, can you take me, can you take me to the store and buy me some perfume? I said, because Neiman Marcus is right up there. Can you take me to buy me some perfume? He said on the first date, I was like, Yeah. I said, absolutely. I was like, why not? Then he tried, then he tried to divert the attention. I said, no, so you're not finna come on this date, flex about uh spending money. And I know you got money, you're not gonna do that on this date. You're not gonna play in my face like this. Because if you're talking about it, it's free game. I always say if a man introduces a concept, it is free game for me to talk about. Because some people be like, well, Torah, that was inappropriate. How? When he started talking about it first. How is that inappropriate? It's free game if you introduce it's like a woman introducing sex to the conversation and then she mad because the man wants to talk about sex the whole time on a date. When you came with the titties out, or you you came you came with uh uh talking about you know what you can do to a man in bed, and now he's trying to get you home to his house. You're like, oh, that's all y'all care about. Yeah, baby, you it's it's open, it's open season. So when you say, how do I deal with that? I would never ever ever ever take what a man says seriously, unless uh attention, intention, and investment outside of what benefits him. And like someone said, men think dinner is the investment and it's not because it benefits him. I told on the podcast, I spoke to about the guy who spent almost $700 on a date with me last, what, two weeks ago, two, three weeks ago? A lot of women would feel like, oh, he spent that much money. This was an investment for him. No, this man got it like that. This is what this man spends on a regular basis. He wanted feminine company. That's not an investment in me. He invested like that's not an investment in me. He was investing in his own experience, and I need y'all to separate the two. I need y'all to separate the two. A man investing in his own experience is not the same thing as him investing in you. He is making his life better, not trying to make your life better. Two different things, and a man will spend money on feminine company. I remember there was a guy talking about this on the podcast recently. He was like, Yeah, man, I took this woman to Mexico, told her to leave her bags. We went shopping. I bought her everything on the trip. You know, I did this, and then when we got back, she asked for something that was a gift, and I didn't give it to her because I'm like, we ain't serious like that. And I'm like, You thought the trip was the investment? The truth, the trip was him investing in his own experience. He wanted a one, he didn't want to go with no man. He took you shopping because it benefited him having feminine company on the trip. But if you would have asked for shopping that didn't involve him, he would have never done it. Again, I do not care how much a man spends money on me if it does not lead to anything that doesn't benefit him. I don't got nothing to do with it. Like, I don't believe it. He has to spend in a way that doesn't benefit him for me to believe he's investing in me.

Dating To Up Level Your Life

SPEAKER_00 43:03

Someone says, How can I use dating to up level my life? I'm using dating skills, using dating skills and being with men who serve and support. Well, there's a lot of ways we can go with this. How do you use dating to up level your life? You only date men who are going to serve and support. That's number one. Like you have to be ruthless with your standards. You have to be ruthless with your boundaries. And I want you to think about what you want to create for yourself. So, for example, these brows were paid for, they were a level up in my life. My business, I remember my business was not doing well, and my business was invested in by um men. I remember when I left my marriage, housing was paid for by men. I remember um men being emotional. There for me throughout the whole thing. Men invite me to put, like, okay, think about what you want and how you want to up level your life. So, for example, I had a client who wanted to transition from nursing to tech, and she dated men in the tech field. She dated men who can put in good word for her in the tech field, who helped transition her to a tech position. So that's number one. You need to think about how you want your life to up level, and that will also help you figure out okay, what kinds of men did I need to date? I'm definitely gonna be swiping right on engineers. I'm definitely like if I want to go into tech, I'm definitely gonna be um going to tech conferences, right? So think about what think about what you want. If I want a man to up-level me in a beauty way, on a beauty, uh, on a beauty way. Nish said, I'm about to close on my second investment property tour. Hold on. Nish, we got to catch up. I don't know why we ain't you haven't been talking, but we need to catch up. I sent you an email by the way. If if I want a man, if I want to up level myself beauty-wise, I am going to look out for men who really admire my beauty, who really talk about my beauty, who also focuses on his own, like he's really into making sure that he's uh uh the way he grooms himself, like he's a really good groomer of himself because he's going to value those things. He's going to value it. So when you ask for things like, oh, can I can I get a microderm abrasion or can I get micro channeling or can I get something, right? He's going to value those things. So make sure that you are talking to men who are going to value the things that you want in your life. Also being ruthless with your standards and your boundaries. Ruthless, ruthless, ruthless. If a man does not want to meet your standard, you can't just wait around and say, Oh, well, you know, maybe if I just wait and come around, maybe if I ask this way 30,000 times. No, you have to be like, oh, I'm not talking to him again. If I send a man two messages on a dating app about something that's happening in my life and he doesn't show enthusiasm about it, let's just say, like, I was hosting, I hosted my first gathering and I was telling men about it. Um, or I talked about me having to buy a dress when it was time for my birthday. If the man ignored the fact that I said I was buying a dress for my birthday, I unmatched him. If he did it twice, I unmatched him. The men that I continue to talk about, it was like, oh, what dress? What kind of dress? Do you need a new dress for your birthday? Um what uh who's outside? Do you uh do you need a new dress for your birthday? Those types of things. They acknowledge the dress. They acknowledge that I was going out. If he if he doesn't acknowledge it in two messages, I'm a matching. I I stop talking to them immediately. Right? I'm ruthless with that. I pay attention to men who are really interested in who I am versus men who just want to exploit me, right? Men who are just out here looking for quick sex, looking for quick dopamine hits. And a man who's looking for quick sex and dopamine hits, he is not going to uh offer his focus in that way. He's not gonna offer his enthusiasm in that way. Okay, so that was a long-winded answer of how can I use dating to up level my life. But if that makes sense to you, put a two in the comment section if that landed for you. And if you're still here, you want to join my free training August 16th, build your roster. All you gotta do is type number three, the number three, F-O-R, M-E. One word in the comment section. That's number three, F-O-R, um, F O R M E. One word in the comment section, and you'll get a link to my free class. And you can join me August 16th.

Who To Follow And Why

SPEAKER_00 48:16

Someone says, I love your lives. Who are your favorite people to follow on here regarding relationships and dating? Those listening can chime in too. I love Kimberly. I just went to a matchmaker's conference with her. I love Kimberly. Kimberly is very practical. Uh uh, she she goes with at the Date Better Network. You can find her at the Date Better Network. I have her come into my clients and speak to my clients. She's taught a few classes to my clients, but I absolutely love her. Very, very practical. And she really she works with high-earning men to match with um women. But she has this, she has a lot of great practical strategies that I love, and I often have her clients come. So if you want to follow her at Date Better Network, you definitely can. I also had her on my podcast. Um, I think she's an amazing person. Better Date Network. Yeah, I love her. I also love who do I love? I don't when it comes to dating and relationships. I also I follow I follow quite a bit of people who may not be in a dating relationship. Oh, what's that thing? She's an online dating girl and she posts screenshots of of dating app conversations to guys. Y'all know that she's a she's a white, she's a white woman. I love her page. But she she's very practical as well, very realistic, very practical. Uh to new some girl, I forgot that woman. I don't really remember people's handles. She's a white woman. I'm sure y'all have seen her, but she has like the screen shots of dating app comics. A little nud. That's her name. I love her. I love her, Paige. Love her, love her, love her, love her, love her, love her. Oh, Canada's dating coach. That's my girl. Canada's dating coach be eating these men alive in her dates about body count and her lives about body count. Oh that is my girl. She's a former stripper. She's now a married woman. She's a former stripper. I love Canada's dating coach. She be eating. She be eating them alive. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it. Um, who else do I like? I really Ashley Dalton, she's not dating, but she's very, very, very practical. And she gets women out of their delusions. Because there's a lot of women who are like, oh, I want a man who makes 250K, or I want a um a woman who makes 500, a man who makes 500k. Ashley be like, then why you look like that?

SPEAKER_01 51:19

Then why you look like that?

SPEAKER_00 51:22

Why you coming here looking like that? She she tells, she gets women smart about like their appearance-wise. I think that's very, very important, especially if you're looking for men who make over 150K. A lot of those women, a lot of those men are reaching, are out of reach for most women. So why are we, why are we not preparing ourselves physically? Physically. Ashley really is very practical. And I just really think that y'all should. I think this is very, very important. A lot of y'all are talking about um uh April Mason. April Mason says she quit dating coaching. They asked me specifically about dating and relationships. I don't follow April for dating and relationships. I love April, I follow her. Um, she follows me back, but she says she quit dating relationships a long time ago. I don't follow her for that. Um I'm I'm simply just answering the question on who do we follow for dating and relationships. And April, years ago, says she quit doing that. I follow April because I like April's style. I like how April, I like, I love April. April was one of the pioneers of like showing up unapologetically online as a black woman. Um, and I really honor and respect her for that, and that's why I follow April. Someone says, I want uh what do you think about uh Coach Anwar? I actually don't watch his content, and there's no shade to Anwar. It's just that I only like when it comes to dating and relationships, I'm only gonna listen to a woman. Um there's no shade to him. Like, I I personally am only gonna listen to a woman. Women date women dating straight men. Um that's that's just my personal preference. I'm only gonna be listening to a woman dating straight men. Um, especially when it comes to like embodiment, like feminine embodiment. Like, but I don't I don't actually listen to any of his content. But I think I I think people love his content. I know people like really, really love his content. Alright, I'm off of that. I can't think of anybody else that I follow for like I really like Shayla. Shayla is not a dating coach, but I think she's relevant. Shayla and it's Divo, I think her name is D.Va. To be honest, I I the people that I really follow are people who are embodying a lifestyle that I appreciate being put on display. They're not really giving, they're not like dating coaches or anything like that, but they're really putting their lifestyle on display. Shayla's one of them. Um, a woman named Rivka. She she does, she doesn't give dating advice, but she's been married and divorced four times, and if she's a black woman, they've all been rich. They've all been super rich. And I love the fact that she comes on here and she falls in love, and then she gets rid of a man, and she comes back, she falls in love again. But it's always very beneficial to her. But yeah, I love Rivka. Rivka's just very unapologetic. You can say, you can say what you want about Rivka about her being married three or four times, but Rivka falls in love, but she leaves with resources. She doesn't leave broken and and and brokenhearted, she leaves with resources. She got she got her kids taken care of. They're like, how are you gonna get mad at that? And if someone, and if you know me and you're a dating and love coach, and you're like, Torah, we know, oh, like you, like you know me, Torah, like you know me. I'm sorry. They asked me who do I follow for that specific thing. Now, if you're thinking about who I might recommend to people, that's different, but like I don't follow dating, like I typically follow lifestyles of women versus advice, women giving advice. I typically follow women who have lifestyles that I admire versus like accounts giving dating and relationship advice for me. So if anybody's watching and you know that I know you and like you're a coach, you're close to me as a friend, don't take it personal, girl. I don't really consume other coaches' advice or like follow them for dating coaching or advice. Oh, let me not forget my girl Shadira. Shadeira Slumflower. Shadeira hates men though. I don't hate them, but Shadeira, the slumflower, I love her. I feel like I just don't hate men. Shadira hates men. She thinks they're disgusting creatures. I don't go that far. But the slumflower is it. She's not a dating coach, but she offers a lot. I think she helps good girls see things a different way that I think is important. She's not a dating coach though. But she offers a lot of advice I think women need to hear, or a lot of perspectives that women need to hear. I think it's

Non Negotiables Over Chemistry

SPEAKER_00 56:47

important. Someone says, I've been on four dates with this guy I just met. He plans dates, been shopping, but doesn't communicate the way that I would love, more like calls and texts more often. Should I be worried? I think you need to ask yourself, is this a non-negotiable for you? Because it doesn't matter to me if a man plans dates and he's shopping, but if he doesn't have a non-negotiable, if he isn't showing up for a non-negotiable, it doesn't matter to me. Y'all realize I did let a man go that I was dating for a year and a half. I let him go in February because of one thing that he said, that it was a non-negotiable for me. I don't care. I literally just let this y'all love that man. Y'all thought we was gonna get married. I don't play about those types of things. If it's a non-negotiable, I don't care if we've been dating that long. I don't care if I'm in love with you. If it's a non-negotiable, you're out of there. We're done. So you have to ask yourself, is it's a non-negotiable? I need y'all to think about y'all, I like I don't believe in compromising. I don't believe in that. I believe in negotiating. Negotiating, my non-negotiables are not involved. Yes, it was BBB. I saw I I met whole podcast. I stopped talking to him. I stopped talking to that man. I was done. You got one time to go against a non-negotiable for me. I'm done. So you just have to ask yourself, is this an actual non-negotiable or is it just something that I desire? Someone said, I'm team poppy. Poppy just Poppy just be he be rocking my little world, y'all. Oh, matter of fact, let me check. I asked him to get a candle for me, and we supposed to be, we supposed to be uh getting it delivered today. I think this way, and people act like I'm so heartless or selfish for being so logical. I can't help it. My heart and life are on the line. It's very logical, and I think it's smart. I think it's very, very smart. So think about what your non-negotiables are. Think about what your non-negotiables are, and then decide from there. But I have to have my non-negotiables met.

Dating While Unemployed

SPEAKER_00 59:17

Someone says, recently out of work, so I feel weird about dating while in this space. How do I go about it? Stop feeling weird. You feel weird because you think it's a problem, you think you're less than, you think that it's you don't really deserve to be treated well by amazing men. There's a place where you think that you're not enough because you're out of work. Versus for me, if I was in corporate and I got out of work, my my first my thought would be, oh, I'm in transition. You have identified yourself with your job, which is why now that you don't have it, you think you're you think you're less than in some way. You think not having a job means that there's something wrong or off versus you're in transition to a different opportunity. I'm not my job. I know I'm qualified. I know what I can do in my life. And right now I'm just in transition. When I was broke when I left my marriage, I didn't think, oh, I can't date good quality men because I was broke and I only had the same dress from she or she and whatever it's called, the little $10 dress I had. I'm just like, I'm in trend, I'm in transition. I'm gonna figure out how to make the money, but I didn't think that. I remember a doctor flew me out to Florida. We had a grand old funky time. That didn't stop me from telling the doctor, I said, hey, I would like to stay in this hotel. This night, and I need the hotel to be 15 minutes away from you, and I need us to go kayak and no canoeing in the Florida Everglades, and I want you to take me dancing, and I want you to take me to one of your favorite restaurants. I was broke.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:13

It didn't stop me from getting flued out to Florida. It didn't stop me.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:21

Because I didn't think about I don't have money, I'm not worthy, I'm not enough. I'm thinking, I don't have money, and I'm just gonna learn how to make more money. Someone says, girl, I'm out of work too, and that it has been what's been funding my days out, rooftop vibes, I got a whole list. That's what I'm saying. Like, y'all think the job, y'all are so identified with your job and money as a part of you, versus this has nothing to do with me. The money don't make me, the job don't make me. I'm me. God created me. I am fearfully and wonderfully made, whether I got money at a bank or I don't. And men are going to love me in my brokenness. Because men don't choose us because our the only men, the only men that choose you because of your resources uh are the ones who need them, are the ones who need them. Okay, one. And why do you need it? No, we we don't want to date men who need them. Someone says, because men have made women feel like they have to bring value instead of being the value. And that's the thing, there's so many men who don't do that. Like we have to stop dating those men. Once y'all start dating a certain kind of man, you don't you don't even know what that feels like anymore to be made to be felt that way. A few men have shocked me by getting a little cray cray when you mention give present provision. Just give an idea of how you bounce back when they get all mean. I can't remember a man getting mean with me about asking for something. If anything, they laugh. They laugh because they're uncomfortable or you know, they get quiet because they're not used to it. But I think I've gotten good at betting or discerning men who are violent and men who are not. I think there's a place where you are put are pulling in violent men and you're asking the violent men these things. Because even if a man tells you no because he's uncomfortable, he's a man who's not violent isn't going to do that. He's not going to do that. If he gets mean, it's not because you asked for a gift, it's because he's mean. He's just mean. And there is a there the you'll have to do the work on figuring out how are you attracting all of these mean men. Because I there's a there's a pattern there of pulling in mean guys. Because even if a man tells you no, a man that's not mean is not gonna tell you no in a mean way. He's just gonna say, Hey, I don't feel comfortable. Like I'll ask me, I'm like, hey, I would like for you to send me an Uber. Oh, I don't feel comfortable doing that. Oh, okay. It was nice meeting you. Right? They're they're not gonna be mean about it. So there's a place where you're attracting mean men and that you have to get to the bottom of, first of all. So when I when if we say how do I bounce back when they tell me no, I just don't I don't talk to them anymore. Because meanness should not be the the pattern. There's something going on there, something deeper.

Virginity Disclosure And Boundaries

SPEAKER_00 1:04:59

Someone said from a person at work who wanted to join. I have a friend that is still a virgin. Should she disclose her virginity early to a man, like on the first date or later? Because she said it to a guy now, he says she's a hidden gem, wants to get together again, and now he's ghosted her. I don't know why we feel like we need to disclose that to men, that we're virgins. I'm wondering why she feels the need to do so. No, she's not on here, but I I I wonder why she feels the need to disclose that. Most of the time when women feel the need to disclose it, it's because they're trying to get ahead of something. You're already in defense mode and you're trying to get ahead of something. I don't recommend getting ahead of anything. Um that's number one. I don't see the point in telling a man that you're a virgin. The only thing that I feel like you need to be telling a man is like, what are your sexual boundaries? And standards. Like, what are you unavailable for and what you're available for? Hey, I am available to hold your hand, but I'm not available to kiss you. I am available to kiss you, but I'm not allowed heavy petting. You know what I mean? Like that should be the stand, that's to be what the communication should be on a first date if it comes up, or a second date, or a third date. That's the conversation. But I'm a virgin. I just need to I need to let you know that I'm a virgin. Someone said that's me also. I feel the need to do it because I feel like it may be a deal breaker for some guys, or some have told me it was a deal breaker. Okay. If it is a deal breaker, it'll come up. But the the way y'all are thinking about it is that this could be my husband, this could be my boyfriend, so I don't want to waste my time. So I'm just gonna tell him I'm a virgin so he can break it off right now. Versus, I'm dating, I'm exploring, I'm enjoying myself. And if this man is not my husband, we'll find we'll find out soon enough. I'm never wasting my time in dating because my life is always getting better because of dating. I'm always learning something. Men are always adding value to my life. But I'm never thinking, because this is you know not gonna be my man, that I've wasted my time. My life has like my life has always been better. If a man leaves me, y'all remember when Poppy broke up with me last year and I was crying. I was crying every morning. If you listen to my podcast, you know. Not one time did I think that time was wasted. That man made my life so much juicier.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:41

He still then when he came back, he made it even more juicier. That man made my life so much better.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:50

I wasn't crying thinking like, oh, I gave him all this time wasted. No, I'm like, shit. I had the best time with him. And and even if we stopped talking now, I'm like, this man has really added so much value to my life. I could never think dating. I require so much from the men that I date, there's no way I could waste my time. So when y'all say I wasted my time, I'm like, y'all didn't get nothing. Y'all didn't level up. Y'all didn't improve. Because how is it a waste of time?

He Thinks Dates Equal Sex

SPEAKER_00 1:08:26

Someone says, how can I keep my momentum so that this doesn't become a setback from my wants when men keep saying they deserve sex after taking you on dates? I think there's a place where you're attracting a certain kind of man and he's either a broke man or he's a stingy man. Because broke and stingy men are the ones who feel like taking you out on dates equates to sex because they believe that pussy is an equal exchange for money, not realizing that pussy outweighs money in an infinite way. They also don't value women. So there's a place where you're going out on dates with men that don't value women, that don't like women. Because if a man spends money and he thinks pussy is on the table, if he thinks coochie is on the table, that man is either broke or stingy, and he doesn't like women. Because even a broke man, I will have like uh I would have men tell me and my clients, they will say, like, hey, I see your profile, I know I can't afford you, but I just want to let you know I'm gonna get there one day.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:42

I know, I know, I'm not even gonna ask you out. I just want to let you know that I I see you.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:51

So there's a bit you're not betting properly. Because you're ending up on dates with men who need sex because they spent money. So you gotta figure out what where you're where the lack of discernment is there of like ending up on a date with that kind of man. Because your presence is what is the experience that he's creating this for. I can eat at home. My friends take me out on dates. Like, I don't gotta go to this date. This is not, this is not like me needing to come here, you needing to feed me. We're not teenagers. I'm a grown woman with grown woman money. That little bistro money you spent on me, and you want some coochie? Insanity. We gotta vet. We missing a piece of vetting here. Someone

Fun Men Provision Men Privacy

SPEAKER_00 1:10:50

says, is it okay to have a guy just for fun and then other men on the roster for provision? I mean, y'all asking me for permission. Y'all can do what y'all want to do. Uh if you feel like that's enhancing your life, do what you want to do. The good girl is wondering, should I be doing that? I think if you want to do it, you should do it. You should try it out. If you're gonna enhance your life, as long as nobody thinks they're your man, and as long as you're not making decisions that's going against your actual goals. So I have women say they want to be married, but they'll just have men on a roster for fun. That doesn't make sense to me. When I wanted to be married, when I was like, okay, I'm gonna get married, all the men that I was dating, I was vetting for a relationship. And when I decided I didn't want to be married anymore, I'm like, I'm just gonna play. I don't want to be, I don't, I thought I wanted to be married, I don't want to be married no more. I changed my mind. Does C2C go over the dating profile? Yes. We have dating profile reviews in the group. All right, guys, I gotta go soon. When you're dating multiple men, do you advise the others what you're doing with them? Example, if you're going on a trip or won't be available to communicate for a week or so, do you advise? Why would why is it any of their business what you're doing? Why why do they need to know anything? Why are we even thinking that they need to know everything? I remember there was a guy, I told him I was going to Austin, he was like, Are you going to Austin by yourself? Are you there by yourself? And I was like, I said to him, Are you you you are you asking me because you're trying to take me the next time? Is that why you're asking? He was like, Oh, I'm just trying to see where I fit in. I say, you'll always fit in when you create an experience for me. The hell are you talking about? I've just seen why I fit in. If you're not, if you you want to compete off of not creating experiences. You want to compete because you want like you think knowing about another man is helping you when really it's hurting you. Because you could be creating an experience for me to be with you, but you wondering what I got going on with another man. Funny thing is, I heard your voice saying exactly what you said.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:19

I'm like, why do you need to know? It doesn't help you. You know what helps you?

SPEAKER_00 1:13:28

Creating experiences for me. That's what helps you. Worrying about another man don't help you, sir. Worrying about the wrong thing. Jolo, I'm actually not gonna answer that question because that requires coaching. That actually requires coaching. I don't because I actually don't know what you're doing. Someone says, Do you recommend telling the guy you just met that you like him and would like to get him know you bet know him better? I mean, I just I guess it just depends. Right? I feel like there's different situations where this would be appropriate, and I feel like there's places where this would. If a man has not made it clear that he's interested in me with a gesture, with a very strong gesture, I probably wouldn't do it. And that gesture has to be him at least like inviting me out somewhere. Like that would have to be the gesture of him bumping into me, him inviting. Let's just say I went to a private, I was at my private club, and a man approached me at the club. We just start talking and just having a good time, but he's trying to fill me out, trying to see if what I got going on, trying to see if I'm married, you know, if I got a boyfriend, or if I'm even interested in him, and he's trying to fill me out. And then he makes a gesture of, oh, let me get this for you. Oh, let me pay for your parking. Oh, let me um, hey, do you want to join me later on this week for blah, blah, blah, blah? There's an exhibit at the if he's starting if he's making gestures, then I'm then I might say something like that, if I want him to be clear. If I want him to be clear, but if he hasn't made any gestures towards me, I personally wouldn't do it.

When He Earns Your Home Access

SPEAKER_00 1:15:16

Someone says, at what level in a relationship should a man I'm dating have access to my apartment? I don't know, that depends on you. I personally, I personally would not have a man in my home unless he's take if he's starting to take responsibility for my life. Y'all know Big Body Benz did not come to my house until seven months of dating. And this seven months, seven months of dating, and this is when this man was into like even to the point where he was open to putting a ha a home in my name, in his name for me. Because y'all know I got bad credit after I left my marriage. I got bad credit, so the man got to put things in their name for me. I mean, I got bad credit, so you gotta help me out. It took him eight, set, seven, seven, eight months to come to my house to even step foot over here because I felt like he earned it. I feel like it's a sacred space. One of my, I literally, I just invited friends over to my house for the first time ever. And one of the friends, she was just like, I see you only got pictures of you in this house. She said, You only care about yourself. I don't see no pictures of your son. I don't see pictures of your family members. It's just pictures of you. I say, yeah, this is my house. It's my sanctuary. I only need to look at me. I only need to look at me. But um, I feel like that's the responsible thing. Like, men coming to your house is really uh he had to me. I feel like he has to earn it. He has to be somebody. I'm I'm because y'all gotta think about being women. It's very dangerous for us out here. You know, men are killing women very easily. There's a lot happening, and imagine you letting a man in your space, and you're a woman, and you get violated in that space, or you get violated and you know this person had access to your sacred space. There's just something about that, right? It's not the same risk to me. Someone said a good guy once said to me, Why would I let you in my house if you won't let me into yours? We are not the same. Weirdo. You weirdo.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:57

I would much rather go to a man's house than let him come over here.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:05

Because if something happened, like even if something happened over there, right? I can retreat to my sanctuary.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:14

But if he's over here, it's tainted. It's tainted.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:19

I need a refuge, not somewhere where, like, no, he's a weirdo. Uh I gotta get I gotta get off of here. I'm I I'm 30 minutes

Order What Delights You

SPEAKER_00 1:18:29

over. I'm always subconscious of what I order on dates. I feel like if he orders something for $20, I need to keep my mail to $20 instead of ordering something there $40 or say. It's just me being polite or limiting myself. This is you being a good girl. For sure, limiting yourself. Um, I know that certain etiquette classes will say, hey, if someone's taking you out, I you know, you should stay within a certain amount on the menu. I truly think that romantic relationships that shouldn't apply to. If you are on business, sure. Client, if client is treating you, sure. Right? I feel like those types of etiquette applies, but when it's when it comes to a man, and nothing is ever balanced with a man. Nothing is ever balanced. So women often are going to overgive at some point with a man. We are conditioned to do so, even if we're overgiving by overthinking. We are conditioned to do so in the society, to like really, really like be hyper-vigilant about making sure the relationship is together and making sure our dot our eyes are dotted. And so I'm looking at the beginning, I'm like, and this is not saying I'm gonna order the most expensive thing, I'm gonna order what delights me. This man wants me to, he should want to see me delighted. I'm not the person to be like, I'm just gonna order all these expensive things so he can improve this to me. I'm gonna order what delights me and makes me happy. And if the $40 salmon delights me, if the $60 uh tomahawk delights me, if the $80 Wagyu delights me, that's what I'm gonna order. Hell, I ordered caviar on my last date. You should you asked me what I wanted. You asked me what I wanted. Why are you at a place where I could buy this anyway? Um, I agree. You're not, someone says you're not answering my question. You didn't ask me no question. You didn't ask me no question at all. Like I just looked at it, it was just a comment. And now you're like, answer my question. Girl, you won't ask me nothing. You are you you giving me updates of your life. I don't know what to do with that. I don't know what to do with your update. You didn't ask me any question. I don't know what to do with that. I'm only answering questions, not updates on people's lives.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:13

Um, all right, I'm out of here. I love you guys. I'm over time.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:19

I will talk to y'all later. Bye. Oh, Ross, the chat. If you want to go to my free training, type number three F-O-R-M-E in the chat. Number three F-O-R me in the chat. One word so that you can get the link to my free training. August 16th. I love you guys. I'm so happy that you loved it. She said, I don't like what he recommended. If a man recommends you a spot you don't like, never go. Yeah, I'm glad you recommend, I'm glad you suggested it. But if he agrees, if he agrees, he agrees to the menu too, because he's an adult.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:06

He's an adult. He agreed to the menu.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:10

I love you too. I want to know what's going on. I love you too. Send me a send me a DM. Let's chat. Send me a DM. Because I love you too. Oh Lord, the sisters on here. I love both of y'all. Somebody said, great job, Torah.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:30

Oh, I love you say great job. Let me clap for me. Thank you. I'll be like a kindergartner. I got a sticker. Bye.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:47

Alright, girl. That was the episode. You already know what to do. Take what you heard from the episode, apply it to you as best as you can, and implement and get some results, girl. Get some results. There was a lot of free game giving there. And like I have mentioned 30,000 times throughout this whole episode, come join the free training. Come to the Build Your Roster training. It's August 16th on a Sunday, 12 p.m. Central. Uh butts and seats. Go ahead and go to the link in my show notes to enroll. If the podcast outlet that you're listening from doesn't have show notes, go to my Instagram page, log uh, and hit the link in my profile from there to sign up for it. And then um come to the training and then be ready to sign up for Curve to Cough after the training, after we host the training. So all right. I will talk to you next week. Bye.