Date with Cents
Date with Cents
How Patricia Went From Pick Me To Dating Generous Men Who Please Her
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In this episode, Patricia shares how her love life became fun, loving, and confident after joining C2C.
You'll hear how she went from a "pick me" who considered changing her whole look just to get chosen, to a woman who chooses herself first and has quality men lining up to please her.
She gets honest about the man she left the program for early on thinking he was the one, why his "generosity" wasn't actually generous, and the hard months of learning to be responsible for her own life instead of waiting for a man to rescue her.
Whether you've been told to "just love yourself" and don't know what that actually looks like in action, or you're stuck waiting to be chosen, Patricia's story shows what changes when you finally choose you.
If you want to build a roster of two to three commitment-ready men, join my free training on August 16 HERE.
Join the Training: Build Your Roster: Attract 3 Commitment-Ready Boyfriends in 90 Days
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@torahcents
@curved2cuffed
Welcome Back And Program Reminder
SPEAKER_00What's up, Love Girl? Welcome back to the Date with Sense podcast. Got another interview for you. And I'm excited about this interview because it's with one of my favorite clients who, when she first joined the Curve to Cough program, she was stuck on this one man, y'all. She thought she thought she had found the one and she ghosted the program for a couple of months. And once that connection ended, which it usually does when you don't have the proper dating skills necessary to vet men or to have higher standards. When she decided she was away for a few months, she did she came back, she locked all the way in. She was just like, basically, this isn't gonna happen to me again. And not only did she get coached every almost every single week. I think I see her every single week on getting coached, but she committed herself on implementing and doing the work. I have seen this woman transform from begging one man for crumbs to having multiple men wanting to um plan uh really amazing dates for her or provide gifts for her on the first date and really just show themselves as men who are more than I just want to exploit you as a woman or I want to own or control you. So I've seen her have such transformation. I have to keep reminding her all the time. I'm like, girl, like you are that girl. And so I'm happy we got to do this episode together. But before I get into the episode and and share what we talked about and how she's put in the work to get to the place that she's in, I want to remind you the doors of Curve to Cuff will be open on August 16th at noon, Central Standard Time. It's on a Sunday. And you definitely want to do your best to be on that call. And if you're not on that call, you want to do your best to be by your email so that you can jump in C2C and take advantage of the the date, the first day bonus. It's only going to be for that limited amount of time. So make sure that you're there. You can sign up for the training at the link in my show notes. And uh yeah, go ahead and get your coins ready. It's $3,000 paid in full or six payments of $550. This is going to be perfect for the woman who doesn't want to go into 2026 with the love life that she has right now. If you start right now in Curve to Cove in this summertime, you will have six, like almost six months of skills under your belt, maybe five, five months of dating skills under your belt so that when you go into the new year, you're going to be a completely new woman attracting completely new men. So, yep, go ahead and sign up for that training. The doors will be opening soon. And uh, without further further ado, here's the episode.
Meet Patricia And Her Three Words
SPEAKER_00Today we have the beautiful, amazing Patricia, nutritionist. My favorite nutritionist that's not my nutritionist yet. We have her in the building today, and I'm very, very excited about this episode because Patricia is one of the late, she's one of those types that will have crazy results. And then when you point them out, she'll be like, Well, what did I do? She doesn't, she, she hasn't like a lot of times she doesn't even realize how successful she is and how much people look at her and admire her from week to week to week to week to week to week. She's in the Curve the Cup program. And uh one of the reasons why she's definitely my favorite is because she never shies away from coaching. And I coach Patricia hard. I coach her hard because she's advanced, she's an advanced level player, but she consistently takes the coaching, implements, come back with girl. I'm talking too much. Say hi to the people, Patricia.
SPEAKER_01Hi, everyone. Thank you so much for having me, Tora. I'm so excited to talk to you today.
SPEAKER_00I'm so happy to. And so in Love a Girl fashion of the Date with Sins podcast, what three words would you use to describe your love life?
SPEAKER_01So, my love life now, I would say it's fun. Um, it's loving, and it's very uh confident.
SPEAKER_00So we have fun, we have loving, and we have confidence.
Making Dating Fun With Better Dates
SPEAKER_00What specifically about your dating life creates the fun for you?
SPEAKER_01So the fun comes from the type of dates I'm going on, um, the quality of the man going on the dates with me, um, the request that I make on the dates that they are fulfilling. Um so me just enjoying myself. Like now when I go on dates, I make sure it's somebody I'm interested in. Um, and I typically make a request for them to bring me a gift, and the ones that want to will do it. And it's exciting for me to, you know, just get excited and giddy to see how they want to please me. And then for me to look on the gift or like, you know, what, let's say if it's a bouquet of flowers, like, you know, every day seeing them and remembering the time that we have together, you know. And that's really fun. And I like to be playful and laugh on the dates that I go on. So I create uh uh an environment where I'm enjoying myself. So yeah, I I'm really I'm really enjoying these days that I go on.
SPEAKER_00So my gosh. So the types of dates, what are some of the most fun types of dates you'd say that you've been on with guys?
SPEAKER_01We've done like the rooftops, the typical rooftops, like but like elevated, you know, exciting spots, right? Expensive spots, right? Um yeah, we've done like jazz, you know, music, some place where I can just like sit and dance or get up and dance. You know, I love dancing. Um, yeah, just what else have we done? Um oh, I've gone and played tennis on a date with a man. Yeah, like things like that. I like activity dates. I like um somebody invited me to the movies, and I'm like, okay, we'll we'll see. It's I'm gonna test it out. I know I'm gonna enjoy the movie and have fun, but yeah, it's it's different. It's things that I really enjoy doing that on my to-do list or like my bucket list, and I'm like, I'm excited. Michelin store restaurants, you know. Yes.
SPEAKER_00Okay, delicious all-around activities, upscale locations, um, just really, really good experiences with the types of dates. Let's talk about the quality of the men. What about the quality of the men feel fun?
SPEAKER_01Oh, they are handsome men, successful men, um, generous men. Um, men who are curious about me, who love me and want to like make me smile. Like, that's fun. That's fun to be around. Very smart men. Men who are accomplished, who have done things in life, who have traveled the world, have built something, you know. Those are the men who are like they they want to please me.
SPEAKER_00I love it. They want to please you. The types of requests that you res that you give. Because I'm assuming it's the one that you this these are the requests that you're actually giving. Oh yes. Yes.
SPEAKER_01I would, you mean like on the first date, like the the gifts I'm make I'm receiving. Um I typically would say, um, I'll ask them, like, you know, are you still the method you teach us, do you just make a a request where I was like, I would love for you to um bring me a gift that would make me smile and think of our time together. And some of them will ask questions about it to really understand. And some of them will be like, you know, of course. They they know this, they got this. And then, and I don't, I don't make a specific request at on the first date yet. So some of them I bought flowers, some of them I bought perfumes. Um those have been the main, some of them, oh no, some of them bought me a little care package, like with a journal. And like some makeup. Those have been the.
SPEAKER_00Like, so that that's something that the guy thought up of like, let me bring her some makeup.
SPEAKER_01And I was like, when I asked him later on about this, he was like, oh, I just thought like this would be something girls, girls put makeup on, or I'll bring her something. She was like, Oh, you found this like Fenty like liner, and he just added to my little gift package because he was like a journal, some post-its that were like nutrition related, and yeah, and some flowers, yeah. So it was very thoughtful. I enjoy when they put some thought into it. And, you know, based on the conversation that we had, they, you know, they put something together and it's very, it's very nice and thoughtful. I still have the pencil. And see, it's like I still have the pencil. I was like, oh, this is how I got this, or whenever I'm using my journal.
SPEAKER_00You had the the like you're still able to use these things that these men have provided you.
SPEAKER_01Yes. Even if I'm not talking to them anymore, it was still a good moment that we had. And I was like, oh, yes, this perfume that I look, you know, that's on my shelf right now, I'm like, ah, look at that. I love it.
SPEAKER_00And and that's one of the reasons why I feel like dating, it's mandatory for dating to be fun. Yes. Because if it's not fun, if you're not receiving the types of dates that you want, if you're not dating the quality men that you want, and if you're not receiving from these men, then you're gonna feel like everything is a waste. You're gonna feel like everything is a drain, that it's frustrating. Um, and then you want to quit. But even if you don't have your husband yet, right? Because I'm sure you want to be married, Patricia.
SPEAKER_01Yes, but the rush is a lot less now. We'll talk about that. But yes.
SPEAKER_00Even if you want your husband and you don't have him right now, it's not like you, it's it's like you're enjoying all of the experience on the road to meet that man. Every experience is an amazing experience that you're able to leverage and to and to feel more like a woman and to be desirable the whole step of the way. A lot of women are waiting for the one to feel truly desired and taken care of. She's like, look, I need to hurry up and find this person so that I can stop feeling the way that I'm feeling because I'm not experiencing what I think a woman should be experiencing. Do you have any thoughts to share on that?
SPEAKER_01I'd be 100%. Because before I started making that request on my first stage, like, yeah, I would feel so depleted. I was like, I done got all dressed up and went and had an experience with a man that I didn't see him as my ideal man to continue. But then I was like, what was the point, right? It felt like there was nothing out of it. I was giving too much, right? Um, and so yeah, those times I was like, okay, it's not working, or I don't want to be on the app, or let me give up on that, right? But now it's like, oh, even though the men, I'm not moving forward with them, but I had a great time. And it's replenishing me, it's putting pouring into my cup to feel energized to continue to do it, you know, again. Like, yeah, to know that I could get another nice bottle of perfume or like just some flowers or a good experience, that's exciting and fun for me to want to go on dates just because of that compared to before.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, even if he isn't your man, it's still very, very beneficial and profitable. Yes, for sure.
Self-Love As Daily Actions
SPEAKER_00You mentioned your love life was loving. What makes the love life loving?
SPEAKER_01Kistora, I love myself.
SPEAKER_00Oh, girl, tell us more. Tell us more.
SPEAKER_01Oh, so this, I don't, I have to go back to see when this um point, you know, when this happened specifically, but I think we were on a coaching call and it finally clicked for me that this I'm able to create this when I love myself. Because before, I was always trying to change myself. I'm like, okay, what else do I need to do? What was wrong with me that I wasn't getting chosen? Right? Like, and then when when I made that shift and I was like, oh, I have to love me. And I do love me, and I like I feel like the way I show up on dates, the type of men I attract is so much different. And so the love is coming mostly from me, and like the men is just continuing and pouring to it.
SPEAKER_00So I love me, Tara. Listen, a lot of women might hear this and they're just like, duh. Like everyone says that, you know, I do love myself. You know, and I still don't have this. Like, I love myself. What would you say to them for people who keep hearing, oh, you need to love yourself, you need to love yourself? And the women are like, I do love myself.
SPEAKER_01Like we say we love ourselves, but are your actions really showing it?
SPEAKER_00Talk about it. Tell us more. What are you talking about, Patricia?
SPEAKER_01Like, like, it's so much easier to set boundaries, to take care of yourself and take action that are really loving towards yourself, to not let anybody come to you any type of way when you love yourself. Because yeah, we say it because we're like, okay, yeah, I'm supposed to, but then you're not taking care of yourself. Is that really loving? You are keeping yourself in situations that are not um good for you. Is that really loving? You're not nourishing yourself, is that really loving? Right? Like you say you want to do these things and you're not doing them, that's not really loving yourself. So for me, when I realize, oh, there's nothing wrong with me, I don't have to become somebody else. I just have to love myself, things got has gotten a lot easier. Like my workouts, they're a lot easier for me to do, right? Like me dressing up, taking care of myself, learning to do makeup, spraying perfume, making sure I look good, it's so much easier for me to do because I know I'm loving myself. I, yeah, like it's very different when you just say it because people say to love yourself versus you practicing it and embodying it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. What are one of the specific, what are some specific things that you like you were not loving yourself, and then you actually started changing your actions because yeah, that's what I'm consistently telling clients, I'm like, hey, this the reason why this is happening is because you're not loving your, you know, you're not loving yourself. And most of the time, when clients hear that, there's a lot of shame there because they're just like, what do you mean I'm not loving myself? I do love who I am as a person, but they think that this feeling that they have towards themselves is love, but it's actually okay, because you're choosing to do this, like we like we talk about men loving us. That love is an action. He could say he loves us all the time, but if he's not doing the action, so what are some of the actions that you put into place? And I know I'm I'm talking in circles at this point to um to remedy you not loving yourself. How was you not loving yourself, and how are you implementing the love?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I was not because you told me this tutorial. You pointed out to me that I wasn't loving myself at first. That was just excuse. I was like, what do you mean? I was like, okay, I'm hearing you, but I I love me. I like what I look like, like, you know. And then I realized, oh, I'm not loving myself if I'm not taking care of myself. I'm not loving myself if I'm waiting for somebody else to tell me that I look good, and you know, I'm waiting for somebody else to choose me. That that's not loving. So that's what that's what it looked like before. I was pedestrializing men, you know, waiting to do, waiting for them to tell me, oh yes, I'm lovable. Um, and now when I realize it, it's like, oh, then how do I want to treat myself? How do I want to feel love? So it's simple things like the way I take a shower, right? The way I make sure when I leave the house, I look good and feel good, right? Maybe it's like making sure I eat my breakfast and I enjoy it, making sure I move my body every morning before I leave the house. Like 90% of the time, I'm gonna make sure I feel great leaving my house. Even if I'm going to a coffee shop. I'm like, I, even if I'm going grocery shopping, I will dress up, I would make sure that I put a little bit of makeup, I would put heels on. I have put heels on to go get my car washed because it made me so happy. You know, I felt so good to just do mundane tasks, feeling good, you know? Um, so loving myself now is like in the decisions, the people I keep around, the people I talk to, even the type of music I listen to, all of that has changed. And I'm learning to do the things I say I'm going to do because I love me.
SPEAKER_00Oh, yeah, that's the big thing. Doing the things that you say you were gonna do. Um, and it comes up quite a bit. Like all of this comes up quite a bit uh with clients that are wondering, okay, why am I not having the dating experiences that I want? And a lot of times it's because they are look the love that they are supposed to create for themselves, they are trying to outsource it to the men. So, for example, if they're overexhausting themselves at work, or they taking shit at work, right? Or they are overextending themselves with family or even at church. Like they're looking for this man to come in and save the day and give, and so they don't have to think anymore, and so that they can be told that they're beautiful, and so that they can be seen as valuable because they don't see themselves, they don't think their boss thinks they're valuable or treating them as valuable, they don't think that their family members or their friends are treating them that in that way a lot of times. And so this man like becomes the sort of solution for that. So when you started, when you realize, okay, Torah said I'm not loving myself, here's why. How did that change your dating life? How did men start responding to you? What started happening because you loved yourself in action on a daily basis?
SPEAKER_01When I started doing it, I think it was easier for me to start making those requests on those first dates in the men, and the I keep I keep saying the best, the the men that wanted to do it, it was no problem. And now it was easier for me to like, you know, continue a connection with them. And it was easier for me to just be like, oh, you don't want to, that's okay. We don't have to keep and and that was a lot of work to know that I'm choosing myself over this man. Right? Like to know that, oh, I don't have to change myself for them. Because at the other part, too, I was like looking to say, okay, how else do I show up for this man to choose me? Do I need to change my hair? I literally was like, at first, I was like, oh, well, then maybe I need to start straightening my hair and having those. So I literally was considering that.
SPEAKER_00You was gonna get the best, you was gonna get a bus down? I was.
SPEAKER_01I was like, let me put the waves, let me put the tracks, let me do, like I really was like, okay, well, what else do I need I need to do for this man to choose me, right? And I was like, well, no. I love my hair the way it is, I love me the way it is. They're either gonna love it too, or they're not. So if you a person who doesn't like natural hair, then you're not coming. I'm not gonna have a connection with you, right? And I'm okay with that. And it's also be being okay with it, right? That was part of me loving myself to know that I don't have to change for anybody else but myself, you know? Um, so in dating, started attracting more people that was like, oh, you're beautiful, your energy. They kind of like reflected it back to me because I already was seeing it for myself. I wasn't waiting for them to tell me, oh, I love your or I was like, of course you do. Little yesterday a guy was like, oh, you're so beautiful, and I love, like, and I was like, what's up to love? Of course. I know I love me. And it's not like in a considered way. It's just like, oh, you're seeing what I what I've seen.
SPEAKER_00Exactly. That's that's very key, especially for women who, you know, they come to me and they're like, you know, men are not investing in me. Men don't want, like, I've tried to do What you told me to do, Torah, but men do not want to invest, they don't want to buy gifts, they don't want to provide that level of service, but they're coming from it from a standpoint of they're not loving themselves on a daily basis, and they need for men to do these things so that it proves that they're lovable. But it you have to start with the daily actions of how am I going to love myself today? Not I looked in the mirror and said, I love myself. It is literally like you said, I said I was gonna do something and I'm going to do it. I'm going out to run errands and I'm going to dress up and do it because that's what it feels like to love myself to do, to do that. I'm gonna slow it down when I'm taking a shower. I'm not gonna rush through this because I love myself. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and bringing the intention behind it and like having the awareness, like, oh, yes, I'm using this soap. Look at how I'm washing my arm. You told us about this, like really slowing down and seeing it, giving yourself the evidence. Yes, I'm gonna put this makeup on. And yes, at first I was like, it doesn't feel right, but it's like, oh, it's because I love myself. And like it once it once it clicks, it feels different. Once you start practicing it like small habits, it's like, oh, I'm gonna nourish my body. I always bring things back to nutrition, sorry, but it's like, oh, because I love myself, I'm not gonna go start this job when I'm hungry. I'm gonna make sure I take the time to eat. So that way, that's one thing. I'm like, I don't care if I'm late for work, I'm gonna I'm gonna eat my breakfast. Oh, I love that so much. I I do not breakfast for me is a non-negotiable, right? It's either I'm eating it in the car or I will take 10 minutes when I get to work. I'm like, this email gonna wait. I'm eating my breakfast.
SPEAKER_02I don't agree with that, right?
SPEAKER_01And it's like, oh, I take care of me. I'm loving me. So if you're not gonna, if you're not gonna come with that energy, then it's not gonna go anywhere.
SPEAKER_00And also you feel a lot more confident and sure of yourself when you're asking for things. Yes. Because I love myself this much. Of course, other men are gonna love me enough to buy this gift or love me enough to, you know, invest in me in this way. And the ones who don't want to do it, well, they don't, they're not, they don't love me the way that I'm looking for them to love me. And when I and when I say that, that doesn't mean like in terms of like a long-term relationship, but men can see the reflection of love that you have for yourself, which is why one like if you're only get invited to dates where a man wants you to pay or where a man wants you to settle for a meal. I I was listening to this story somebody was telling on TikTok about the girl, where this man told her, don't bring too big of an appetite to the date because he's you know, he's not there to be paying for all her food. So don't bring a big appetite. There's only a certain amount he's willing to pay. Again, and and the thing is she went to the date.
SPEAKER_01Oh, so she was told before and went to the date.
SPEAKER_00Before and she still went to the date. So he reflected the who she she he actually reflected the fact that she wasn't loving herself. Because she proved the fact she wasn't loving herself by showing up to the damn date. Yeah, by showing up. Like, yeah, that's um that's unfortunate. Yeah, absolutely. Which brings us to your la your last word, your third word, confident.
Confidence On Dates And Boundaries
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_00What about dating is confident or feel so confident for you?
SPEAKER_01Um, the way I show up, the way I I think before I used to portray being confident, because I, you know, I know I look good, right? I was like, I I'm educated, I will show up in spaces, but deep down I was still like, okay, here I am. Are you gonna you gonna choose me? And when I wasn't being quote unquote chosen, like that kind of made me doubt, you know, um who I am as a person, right? So now when I show up in a room, I know I still look good, but it's it feels truer, right? Um when I when a man is coming to me and telling me some things that are sideways, I'm like, I don't have to prove myself. I know the treatment that I the way I treat myself or the treatment that I get from other men. Like, so I'm not like waving, wavering or um what's the word? It feels it feels like I know who I am, I show up, and it uh I can speak clearly when I'm talking to the men. Um I I can make those requests, those big requests, if I want to. And know that I got me regardless. So that's how I was describing.
SPEAKER_00I don't know if it if it's if it's coming out the way I want it to come out, but I I do have a follow-up question when you say when men talk to you sideways, what are some sideways things men might say to you to where you have to implement the confidence? Let's see.
SPEAKER_01Because I went on a bit yesterday and I was like something he said that was like, I'm not gonna have this conversation. I think he was asking me, oh, why am I still single? And I was like, I I I could before I would be like, oh my God, he's seeing through the holes in my and now I'm like, do I wanna answer this question? Um and then he was he brought up politics of some of a conversation that I noticed in my body was just getting me. I was like, I'm not staying in my relaxed. I was like, let's change the topic. You know, I'm not letting them dictate, you know, or take over the conversation. I could like speak up more, more confidently and ask for what I want in those situations. So yeah, like if I don't want to talk about it, I'll change the topic or I'll just say no.
SPEAKER_00That's hot. And that's one of the biggest things that I us recovering good girls have to deal with or choose to deal with while dating because we feel like, okay, it's the man that's triggering me here. He shouldn't be asking me these dumbass questions. A lot of them are dumbass questions, right? But we allow the man to control how we feel, how we operate, and we become upset versus like, if I just stuck with what I wanted instead of judging him for what he asked, what would I do differently? Right. You know what? I would probably just ask him to ask me a different question. I probably would ask him to change the subject. Yeah. I probably would say, hey, I'm not and I don't care to answer that without making it a big deal. So that even if I never see this man again, I still get to enjoy myself on this date. And I don't get drained and exhausted with dating because I I take care of myself on every single date. Exactly.
SPEAKER_01Exactly. Or even like the type of restaurants I choose. Like if you're giving me an option, I'm gonna pick the one that I want to go to. Not the one that I think is like less expensive, or uh if that's the one I want to go to, that's the one I'm gonna say. Um I I like to try calamari, I mean not calamari, octopus, if I see it on the menu, regardless of where I'm at. Sometimes it says marketplace price. I will order it. Like, or the because I want to, right? Um, so I think that's also part of the confidence to know that, oh, I can I can have my desires fulfilled, I can speak up about them and know that, you know, that's just that's just the standard now.
SPEAKER_00Is calamari squid? Is it not is that not octopus?
SPEAKER_01Um, I guess the octopus is just the bigger one. Yeah, it's the same family. The squids are tinier.
SPEAKER_00Okay, so calamari is squid. Girl, I don't know. I need to I need to look it up. Um But I I love this for you because you and I both know this wasn't you. This was not me. When you first joined Curve the Cuff, girl, like, first of all, one thing I do remember is you were stuck on one man.
Her Old Dating Pattern And Wake-Up
SPEAKER_00But can you rewind us and bring us back to when you first joined and how dating was for you, how you felt about dating, what was your experience around it, your your thoughts, your concerns, your fears.
SPEAKER_01I joined formation because I saw you on Instagram live talking about Bona Fide. And I was like, what is this? Maybe that's what I need, maybe that's the next thing to help me get the man. I need to, I need to um, you know, find out, maybe get a dating coach because I don't know what I'm doing. Um, so dating before that was just like me waiting to be chosen. I had given, I was the good girl who was doing all the things for the men like, yes, I can cook, yes, I can, I'll show you how all the things that I can do, pick me. That was V. So um, and when we started the program, it took me a while to like really make the transition to realize, oh, I have to pick me, but I have to choose me first for these men before they can choose me. So the words I would use to describe dating before all of this was like, Lily, it picked me energy. Ooh. Like desperate. I was, I didn't realize it, but that's all it was, Torah. And even when in the program, when I started dating that other guy, it just kind of felt like, okay, I arrived, I did it. Without realizing that it looked like I did it without actually having the skill, without actually loving myself.
SPEAKER_00Um I still have Oh, I'm sorry. I I wanted to let them know, like in case you're confused, formation was a program that I had that wasn't a dating program. Child, I think that program was like a therapy program. But I ended up shutting it down um and creating a lot more space in the curve to cuff for people to process and and things like that that we were doing. So that's what she's talking about when she first joined formation. I shut that down and then she joined Curve to Cuff. So I think you were gonna talk about the guy that you started talking to when you first literally, you had just joined the Curve to Cough pro.
SPEAKER_01I had just joined Curve to Cuff, and then I was like, I was talking to this guy who I met during formation, and I was like, Well, I I have the men. I and then I was like, I I came to the call once or twice, but I was like, I don't, I did it, I reached my goal, right? And then I realized, oh, this, I was not ready. So I came back.
SPEAKER_00Let me ask you a question. Did I, did me and you have a conversation about you not being ready before you left us for a while? Because you ghosted us for a minute.
SPEAKER_01I did. I did leave. I don't remember if we had a specific conversation about that. I think I was making plans to like extend my lease at the time, and you were like, oh, make sure XYZ is checked in. And I was like, Well, it seems to be checked in, so yeah, I got this. I'ma go. But we did not have a full conversation to like vet this man to see if he actually met the standards. I don't even know if my standards were centering then.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I don't, I don't, I I I do realize a lot of women when they come into C2C, they don't let me know that they already have a guy in mind and they're trying to lock him down, not realizing if there's a man that you picked at the beginning of your transformation, he is not the man that you would want after your transformation. And so it never, I can't remember a time it has ever worked out where a woman chose a man like at the beginning of her transformation or at the beginning of C2C, thought it was gonna work out, and it actually did. In fact, the per like the woman realized, oh, you can talk about it because you went through the situation.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Um, well, with him, like, he appeared, right? Like, you know, a lot of the things that he was doing, it was like the things that I would hear the other ladies experiencing. Like we did go on a date, and then he was like, oh, let's do the mall, and he bought a gift, right? And he would buy me flowers all the time. So he was doing things that I was like, oh, those are the things that I want. But deep down, it wasn't genuine. It wasn't like um true generosity, right? And I did not really have the skills to actually make this relationship work. I wasn't confident in my conversation. I couldn't like easily bring up, hey, I'm not happy about this. I didn't know how to do it. You saw how I had to throw my phone to Jeff Sell of Mint that I don't want to talk to you anymore. So it was me, I guess, getting some treatment that I wanted, but not really knowing, not having the skills to actually, you know, grow in a relationship with somebody. And that came back and like bit me in the butt real big. So I was like, we learned the lesson. Talk to Torah, don't leave Torah until Torah gives you the symbol of approval. Not like that,
Performative Generosity And Hidden Prices
SPEAKER_01but you know, it really helped me realize, okay, this is not just getting a man. It's me having the skill to take care of me. And then the men comes in and like continue what I've created for myself and can can continue to create for myself. That's how I see it now.
SPEAKER_00You you actually mentioned that he was doing all these things, but they were not genuine. He wasn't really generous. A woman would hear, like, oh, this man bought you this, he bought you that. Like, what do you mean he's not generous? Can you share why this wasn't true generosity for those who are confused by all that?
SPEAKER_01Because it didn't feel like it came without a price. Like, yes, you're gonna take me on this trip, but I can do whatever I want. Or, you know, it didn't feel like I had true freedom. It was still attached to you. So it was still like performance, like on his part. Like some of the other things that were core values for me, you were not matching or even like complimenting. So it was not it was not true generosity, it's just performative, just like I would perform and just show up as like the good girl that was gonna cook and clean. Yes, I can, but then we cannot have like a difficult conversation with without me like you know, holding space for both, you know, for myself and you. Like, so yeah, it was very much performative. Like, what do you mean if you book a hotel room? I have to like stay with you, like, you know, those things.
SPEAKER_00Um yeah, a lot again, a lot of us get because we haven't been able to experience good treatment by men in general. Because right now, Patricia, you would never fall for that because you regularly have men investing in you, different kinds of men investing in you. And so it's not like, oh, he's he's investing in this way, he's spending money. So this must mean he's the one. No, the baseline is all the men that I date is supposed to be known. There is no special man that comes in my life and does it, and I choose him because he does it. No, all of the men I date should be doing it. Yeah. We won't even go on the first date. Kind of thing. That part. That part.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Yeah. And knowing, like, one thing that you also talk about, like, who's benefiting from the action? Is it only for you or for us? Or do I benefit just myself? Is it just for me? That's the true generosity of love. That's how I see it now. Like, you can do something for me or give me something where like the thank you is all that you know you you expect from it, right? It's not like you attach to me doing anything for it, you know.
SPEAKER_00So oh my gosh, you just brought up something. I saw a reel this morning. I'm gonna see if it will play in the mic. I saved it, but it was a guy talking about uh how it doesn't matter, uh, spending money on girls. He was like, it benefits me. Like, I'm not finna pay for nothing if it don't benefit. I'm about to play it. These boys. Let me see.
SPEAKER_02So James says that I'm on a trip because I always bring the girls on trips. And sometimes you're gonna also be on club, even though it's not like I'm spending money on them. I'm there as well. So like if benefits of me, like dinner's in clubs. That's true. But he always calls me a cog trip, like, one of the trickies, or are you gonna be a cog trick again? Even though you can't trick when you're rich. It's not like I'm spending money on, like I said, I'm there as well. But this motherfucker was like, yo, Hudson, like, how much money are you gonna give your girl to go shopping? I was like, what do you mean how much money I'm gonna give her to go shopping? He was like, Oh, I told your girl, like, we'll probably give her two times what I give my girl. And I was like, fuck. And then I didn't want to send them to go get a massage at the resort hotel that we're staying at in the Hamptons. He's like, No, I'm gonna go send my girl massage. So then obviously I have to go too.
SPEAKER_00But but you see what he said? He said, I didn't want to send her for a massage. You know why it doesn't benefit him? Right. Did you hear me here that good?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I heard it. Yeah, it was clear.
SPEAKER_00He said, I didn't want to send her to get a shot. I'm not sending them to go shopping because it doesn't benefit him. But he was able to fly them out to the Hamptons and and take them to these exclusive clubs and lounges and places. And I'm pretty sure the women are like, oh my gosh, I've never seen he's like, I'm rich, you know? Right. This is my regular life.
SPEAKER_01Right. It's like I was gonna come here anyway, so why not come here with a pretty woman and then voice benefiting me? Like, yeah, there was a guy who was like, oh, let's go to Miami. And I'm like, no. I'm like, you didn't even want to be buying me flowers, you know, on a first date, yet you want to take me to Miami. Exactly.
SPEAKER_00You didn't want to buy me flowers, something you literally could have picked up from the gas station, right?
SPEAKER_02Right.
SPEAKER_00But you want to take me me to Miami because it benefits, benefits you. And so, yeah, we have to be very, very um careful about
Choosing Responsibility Over Rescue
SPEAKER_00that. But back to you, when you finally came back this curve the cuff, because you kind of like ghosted us for a little bit because you thought you had your man. Y'all was gonna fly out into the sunset, right? Get married, all the things. So you came back, licking wounds. We're like, okay, I'm back. What did you decide when you decided to come back? Because you made a lot of decisions, especially looking at who you are right now. Like, what did you decide the moment you came back?
SPEAKER_01I decided I was gonna learn to be responsible for me. Which was so hard, Torah, because I I thought this man was gonna rescue me, you know? Like, oh well, he, you know, that was the conversation. That's why I was like, oh yeah, he's he's established. He's gonna help me like quit my job, and I'm gonna, he's gonna take care of me. I can just do those things, you know. I was not being responsible. And you pointed that thing to me so many times, which was needed, right? But I then decided that, okay, I'm gonna do this work. I'm gonna learn to be responsible. So, in all the decisions, whether I was quitting my job, I was like, okay, how am I gonna do it for me? When I'm I decided to, okay, if I want to date and find marriage, how can I be responsible by learning the skills that I need to learn and doing the work, the hard work that it takes. So that was the decision. I was like, okay, we we cannot do this. And I committed, I told myself, if I'm paying for this service, I better get my ROI and get coaching. I was like, get coaching every single time on the call space. And that was my commitment. I was like, every time. Or at least I was like, there should not be two weeks where I don't talk to you. That's what I decided.
SPEAKER_00And I talk, I feel like I talk to you every call. Even if I may not, I'm sure there's calls I haven't, but I just feel like I talk to you on every single call. Yeah. And um, I'm glad you brought up the learning to be responsible because that's a thing we coached on for weeks, maybe months. Months. Months of you being responsible because as good girls, we we are sub like we are indirectly taught that men are supposed to come and rescue us from our lives. We are too responsible in our last quote unquote, meaning that we take on too much, we allow too much to happen, we say yes when we need to say no, right? We have all we create all these problems for ourselves, and then we're like, come man, come solve my exhaustion, even though I'm supposed to be solving that. I think I want to turn my brain off when I'm with the man, even though. Though I am supposed to make sure that I am not over exerting myself so that I don't need to turn off my brain around a man. Right? Oh man, I need more money. So I need this man. No. It's our responsibility to make that money that we that we need because we never want a man to come in and we don't have the freedom and autonomy that we're supposed to have because he rescued us. This is not Disney, you know, or rom-com. You get what I'm saying? Yeah.
SPEAKER_01But that's what I had in mind, Dora. I was like, this night and shining armor is gonna come and make my life better. I was like, yeah, you you I'm just gonna not not wanting to be like a stay-at-home mum or anything like that, but like really that relief, like just make my life easy because I don't wanna do it. Do it for me. Like I'm gonna give you all that responsibility. And yeah, and I thought it was that that's how it was supposed to be. That's because I did not, I did not learn at a young age to be responsible that way. It's just like, oh yeah, go to school and then you'll find a man and it's gonna take care of you. That's that was what I was expecting. You know, that's what we see in on the Disney movies, right? Like, and so that was my, I guess subconsciously or consciously, that's what I thought I needed to do. Yeah. Just go to school and then you'll find a man and it's gonna make your life better. But then the veil lifted, and I was like, oh, there's a lot of like darkness behind this. There's a lot of like um hard life behind just letting somebody take care of you 100%, and you don't have any way to do it for yourself. Like deep down, I know I could do it, but I was like, I don't want to, right? I'm not gonna learn to do it. Um, so the work was for me to realize how I was giving my power away, giving um the responsibility to somebody else. And I was like, well, that's not helpful. Let me learn to do it. And that was hard. I was angry. I was so angry when I had this realized. I was like, why did I spend 30 something years of my life expecting this thing? Meanwhile, I could have, I could have like learned this when I was 18 and my life would have been different. So we we processed that anger. And now we're like, okay, it's it takes work, but then it's so much worth it.
SPEAKER_00Oh man. What changed for you when you decided that, okay, I'm I gotta, when we finally got to the point, because you said it took months, when we finally integrated, I need to be responsible. What changed for you? Um, my business.
SPEAKER_01My business grew. I took a lot more response. I took it like a lot more seriously. I quit my job to be in my business full-time. And I was even able to realize, okay, we're not ready yet. Let's pivot a little bit, let's get a part-time job to still take care of me and be responsible for myself and not desperately need the men, right? So um I took responsibility in getting coaching, in doing the things that, you know, doing the work, not just getting coaching and not implementing. Um, even if it took me a couple of weeks, I I still remember the lesson and still implemented. Like I know I will, I would um say no to you, I'll be like, it's impossible. I can't do this, and then I'll be like, oh, it's not impossible.
SPEAKER_00I love that about you. It's because you do push back, but you're still able to receive the coaching. Like you come with your obstacles, you come with like you know you need coaching, and you come get it, even if you have pushback. And so I love that about you. And so you say, okay, I learned to be responsible, I'm being responsible for my business, I'm being responsible for my money, right? Um how about dating? What happened when you became responsible?
SPEAKER_01When I became responsible in dating, I I learned to say no and set boundaries. Um I I learned to um ask for what I wanted, right? I learned to end connections without being scared. I like being comfortable on the date, making sure that I'm like, oh, I'm just not gonna let you pick me up because that's what you think you're supposed to do if I don't feel comfortable. I'm not just gonna meet you like three hours away because it's convenient for you. I was able to ask myself, okay, how does this, how do I wanna show up and learn to um create those experiences that keeps me safe, right? Because I know they were, oh Lord, it's a blessing of my life, you know, I'm alive now and I'm listening there are decisions I have made, I'm like, I have some guardian angels like watching over me. But now it's like, oh, I can see how going somewhere um and not being responsible could lead me to danger, right? Um, so I'm I'm more mindful of that now as well.
SPEAKER_00Also, also, you mentioned it was a lot of hard work to get where you are
Pipeline Plans And Anchor Spots
SPEAKER_00now. What are some of the hard things that you've done to get where you are when it comes to dating and the kinds of men that you're attracting and the types of dates and the things that you're receiving from men?
SPEAKER_01Learning to communicate, I feel like was very hard. Because I used to say, Oh yeah, I'm a good communicator. I as somebody who studies social work or like as a dietitian, like I'm a therapist where I listen more, and so I without like usually speaking up. So that was my default before. Um and now it's like, oh, communication means I speak up when something is not working for me. So in all aspects of the thing, speaking up about desires, speaking up about ending a connection, and choosing me, all of those things were very hard for me to do before. Um in dating, like choosing, let's say, a restaurant that I wanted to go to, not the one that he says, or not me driving two hours for you to, you know, to see you in love. You just have to drive. Like, if I don't want to do it, I'm not gonna do it, right? Um, how else have I been responsible in dating?
SPEAKER_00I don't know. I think you've been responsible by executing your pipeline plans. Oh, yes. And creating your anchor spot. I think you've been very responsible. You've learned makeup, right? A lot, like a lot of women are saying, like, I want this kind of man, but they don't want to elevate how they show up in the world. They don't want to exist in the spaces with that man, or they are intimidated by existing in those spaces, or they say, you know, I got too much going on, my schedule, if your schedule is too busy, if you, and I don't know if I told you this, because I remember one time you were like, I don't have the time to do it. Um, and I I don't know if I told you this specifically, but I've told a lot of women, if you don't have time to do it, there's something off in your life. Like if you don't have time and space, there's something off in your life that needs to be cleaned up because you should always have the time and the space to create the life that you want. The desire is there for a reason. If you cannot have the desire manifest it for whatever reason, there's something you need to clean up versus like, I can't do it. Right. And so ever since me and you had the coaching around that, you've elevated your look, you've learned makeup, you've chosen anchor spots. If you're not familiar with anchor spots, these are the places that you go and become a regular at that your ideal type of man exists at from lifestyle, income, career-wise, he's at. So you want to talk about that, like your commitment to executing your pipeline plan?
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Um, and thank you for reminding me. See, this is what I'm like, I forget the things I've done. Um, so yeah, like at first, I I used to say it was impossible for me to change my schedule as a business owner and like working, all of the things. And then I had to realize, oh, if this if this is a true desire, I'm going to prioritize it. I'm gonna make space for it. And then when I really looked at my schedule, I had the time. I had the time. Um, or I had to put it on my calendar and make it a non-negotiable, right? And that's where I, after we had the coaching, I had to pause and go back and listen to it. And I was like, oh, it makes sense. I need to live the lifestyle that is going to make it easier for me to meet the men that I want. Um, and you speak a lot about that, and that resonates a lot with me. It's like, well, he ain't gonna find me while I'm home. Nope. And it's not, it's not honoring, it's not loving me if I say I want these experiences and I'm not doing them for myself anyway, right? Oh, I can't be the girl that enjoys the luxury rooftop bars when I'm home. Like, that's not that's not the same. So, how do I live the life that I want in being responsible? So, yeah, I've like put time on block time on my calendar, and those are the days that I'm like, like Fridays, I'm outside, either on a date with a man or I go by myself. Um, and then I looked at my client's schedule and I figured what other days work for me to go to an anchor spot. Um and it's been fun. And I was like, oh, it wasn't that hard. Like my brain was telling me, I was like, oh, once I shift and I realize, oh, this is again with the theme of me, loving myself, taking care of myself, it's easy for me to implement. Just like it's easy for me to eat or like do my workout because, again, it's loving me, it's supporting that. So, yeah.
SPEAKER_00I love that so much. You saw it as an act of loving yourself. I need to create the time because I love myself and because you love yourself, now it's easy.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_00Now it's easy.
SPEAKER_01Things are so much easier when you love yourself and you're doing things because you love yourself. Not to get a man.
SPEAKER_00It's hard when you're doing it to get a man because you're not gonna meet a man every time you go out.
SPEAKER_01Right. Like, and when I tell you the freedom, like the the pressure has been lifted for me when it comes to because I was like, if I had gotten married with I and yeah, if I had gotten married like with that initial man, like I would have been divorced already. Or I would have been very, very miserable, Torah. And I'm so grateful that like I my eyes opened, like the veil got lifted, and I was like, oh, you get to create the life that you want. You get to be responsible, love yourself, and then it attracts the because I've been meeting so many amazing men because of it, you know. So it's not like even though I'm not married, it doesn't mean that like it's not it's not in the course for me. Oh, maybe it's not. It's fine. I'm okay. I am so good with the life I'm creating for myself. Like, and that that's that makes it all worth it.
SPEAKER_00When you say amazing men, what about these men feel amazing to you?
SPEAKER_01Um, amazing men. Like, I admire like the things that they created. Like they they are driven, they are smart, they make good money, I can learn from them. They they they care for women, they care for me. Um, they're generous, like, yeah, they're amazing.
SPEAKER_00That does sound very amazing. And the fact that you went from going to, I want to be chosen, why aren't y'all choosing me to you choosing the men and saying, hey, yeah, I don't want to go on a date with you because blah, blah, blah, blah, blah but I definitely want to go on a date with you. I I I we idolize, and I I don't want to say idolize, but we feel like, well, I know that women are in fantasy about relationships in marriage. And so that is the marker that they're just like, oh, you are you married? Are you in a relationship? And I'm like, do you know how many married women or women in relationships do not get the level of generosity that my clients get or receive the type of treatment that my clients get? Like, if you're focused on marriage and relationships, that's the wrong barometer. You should focus on are you in a like, does your love life love you? Do you have an amazing love life no matter what the relationship status is? Because marriage is in people die, right? I've had clients come to me because their partners are have died. You know? So um, I want to talk about some of your favorite frameworks in a curve to curve program, some of your favorite things that you've used to help you get some of these results. Um, but go ahead.
SPEAKER_01One of the favorite frameworks that I was like the one where we get to ask, like how do we ask, make a request? I don't remember the name of it.
SPEAKER_00The voice method.
SPEAKER_01The voice method. The voice method is has been, again, with me learning to communicate, it's been a it's been really good. Um I like that one. The one about um like vetting the men, but the one we talked about recently, the AII, right?
SPEAKER_00The pursuit checklist.
SPEAKER_01Pursuit checklist, that one is really good. It's like so then it's super easy for me to just be like, where are you? Are you continuing or are you stopping right here?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, are you actually pursuing me? It's been two weeks. Are you still pursuing me?
SPEAKER_01Right, right. And then and and if you're not, then it's been nice knowing you. You're a child of God, I'm gonna release you, and that's okay, right? Um, so those have been like the like the oh no, the ones where you talk about um us practicing pleasure, um, chooser energy, that the uh the visibility, was it the visibility code?
SPEAKER_00I believe it was the the energetics around visibility, um, the chooser energy, playground energy
Frameworks That Make Vetting Simple
SPEAKER_00and connect with energy.
SPEAKER_01Connect with me, right? Because I realized that I'm not a pick me. I get to do the pickings.
SPEAKER_00Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_01We get to the picking. Right. So when I when I started practicing that going out and deciding who do I want to talk to? Um, how do I want to show up? Like, am I enjoying the space I'm in? That has definitely made a difference for me. And I really, really enjoy implementing it when I'm out in the wild.
SPEAKER_00Oh my gosh, girl. I um one of the things I love about you as well is that I be seeing you on my calls with other people, my free calls. Um, and like you are one of the ladies that let the women know like you should actually join C2C.
SPEAKER_01Oh yes, all the time. I have told strangers. Like the other day I went to uh a Friday night, I went to a rooftop by myself, and this lady who had just gotten a divorce, I was like, here's her podcast, go listen to her. She'll get and I was like, and I we exchanged numbers, and I I told I told myself I'm gonna send her like your um workshop coming up soon. But yes, because you have changed my life to have you have helped me elevate my life, and I think you're doing amazing work that all the women who want to love their life, who wants to um love themselves and have the love life that desire, they need to talk to you. So I will spread the word as much as I can.
SPEAKER_00Um if anybody's on the fence and they're listening to this and they're just like, I don't want to spend the money, I don't know if I'm gonna get my guaranteed result, you know, what would you say to them?
SPEAKER_01Love yourself enough to make the investment. Um it's it's worth it and so much more. It's not I like we you have to do it. If you really want the life that you want, this is a no-brainer. Like, you're gonna get 10 times, if not a hundred times, more than what Torah talks about, you know, in her um her free calls. Like, it's really life-changing. Like, I don't know how else to say it. It's it's the best thing I've ever done for myself.
SPEAKER_00I'm so proud of you. I'm so proud of you of what you've done um in your career with your business, how you've been able to pivot with that. I love watching you on social media with the content. I love seeing your elevated looks. I love hearing about your new elevated anchor spots and the men that you're dating. I love coaching you. I love when you come, I give you hard coaching, and you literally just allow it to just sit in your body and take space. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Thank you, Torah. I need the hard coaching. And you know what has helped is like I would go, I know when I'm in the hot seat, like I get some of it, but when I'm calm down, I have to go back and listen to it. Cause then I'm like, oh, things make sense. I've processed this, and that has really helped me um push forward, right? I've I've been listening to old calls since 2024, and I was like, oh, this is what you meant when you said this, things will make more sense. So thank you again for all the hard coaching because I know old Patricia is very thankful and very proud of the woman I am now and the woman I'm becoming.
Marriage Without The Rush
SPEAKER_00So before we let you go, you mentioned something about you know you wanting marriage, but you're not rushing into it. Why is it not a rush at this point? Like, how soon did you want to be married and where are you at now with marriage?
SPEAKER_01Um, I I think earlier this year I was like, oh yeah, I want to be married by the end of the year. I I don't want to be saying you don't want it that bad. I don't know. Like, if it happens, great. But that, oh my God, I have to, like that strong desire is not there anymore because I have seen that so many women, like the illusion of marriage that, you know, and I'm like, oh, it's not all that, you know? So the marriage that I want, I know it will take me time to build. Like, I need skills to build it. So I'm focusing on that. And when it happens, it happens. Um, yeah.
SPEAKER_00I need y'all to have hear that. I need y'all to rewind that again. She's talking about building her marriage. That happens during the dating process. You don't build your marriage once you're married. Girl, this Patricia, boss. You don't build your marriage in the marriage. You build it through dating. From the very from the very first time a man asks you on a date, you are practicing building your marriage. Because the things that you have a man show up for you on, the type like you're gonna have to have exclusivity a certain way. It has to be built brick by brick. So I'm very proud of you. Can you tell everyone what you do specifically, how to find you, so that if they want to work with you? Because we we also had her guest coach in the program.
SPEAKER_01Let everybody know. Um, yeah, so I'm a dietitian. Um, you can find me on Instagram. Uh my handle is Caribbean.lifestyle.dietician. Um, my business is called Pathway Nutrition Um L C. So feel free to reach out. I would love to support you in helping you love yourself so you can date deliciously. I feel like the work we do is like complimentary, Torah.
SPEAKER_00So yeah, delicious food and delicious dating. Yes. It would be amazing for y'all to work with a nutritionist who knew how to also improve your love life at the same time because she has experience. Yes, exactly.
SPEAKER_01So I've been doing it for myself, and it's like it's perfect. I would love, you know, if any of you guys are interested to join me, I would love to support. But yeah, this was amazing. Thank you so much, Sora.
SPEAKER_00Thank you for coming, Patricia. Love you.
SPEAKER_01Love you too. Bye.
SPEAKER_00All right,
Closing Takeaways And Next Steps
SPEAKER_00girl. That was the episode. Like I always say, take what you need and implement as soon as you can. There was a lot of gems that she dropped in there that you could actually start implementing this week, especially when it comes to being committed to a new love life, deciding ways that you're gonna love yourself, and uh going to anchor spots that are going to align with the kinds of men that you are looking for. Patricia has done the work. No one can tell her, look at her and say she's lucky. Because she literally went from pick me, pick me, pick me, to only dating generous men who please her. And this can absolutely be you too if you're ready to put in the work, if you're ready to invest in that level of yourself. And if you are, I do invite you to join Curve to Cuff.
unknownUh uh.
SPEAKER_00The doors open August 16th on Sunday at noon. Well, after noon, after the training, the train, we're gonna have a free training where I'm gonna train for about an hour and then I'm gonna tell you all about Curve to Cough, and then I'm gonna open the doors. So, like I mentioned, uh bring your coins, get ready for it. And also, if you love this episode, be sure to leave a review. I've been seeing a few of you leaving some reviews, so I'm gonna start reading them on the podcast. But thank you for anyone taking out the time to uh write a review. I read every single one of them. And uh, all right, girl, I will see you next week. Bye.