5 Thoughts Making It Harder To Meet, Date & Choose The Right Men

In this episode, I'm breaking down the five thoughts making it harder for you to meet, date, and choose the right men. You'll find out why you feel so drained by dating when you've barely done any of it, what's really happening when you tell yourself you're not ready yet, and why the men who give other women flowers, trips, and princess treatment aren't doing it for the reason you think.

Walk away seeing your own dating life clearly enough to know exactly what's been holding you back—and what it would take to finally get different results.

If you want to build a roster of two to three commitment-ready men, join my free training on August 16 HERE.

Join the Training: Build Your Roster: Attract 3 Commitment-Ready Boyfriends in 90 Days

Follow me on Instagram for more dating gems at: 

@torahcents 

@curved2cuffed 

Transcript

Enrollment And Why This Matters

SPEAKER_00 0:00

What's up, Lova Girl? Welcome back to the Date with Sense podcast. Girl, I I'm here to remind you Sunday, August 16th, the doors to Curve to Cuff are open for enrollment for one week, for seven days. And we do not plan on launching Curve to Cuff again until next year. So if you want to go into cuffing season with the ability to get cuffed by multiple commitment-ready men and be in position to be in a relationship by spring and engaged by the summertime, you definitely want to see about joining Curve to Cuff. And if you're one of the first few ladies that join on that day on Sunday, you will get access to a special bonus that sold out within a couple of hours. It was supposed to be like a 48-hour bonus, but it sold out in just a few hours. You definitely want to be there. The link is going to be in the show notes. Again, Curve to Cuff is $3,000 or six payments of $550. So there's a payment plan option. And then there's also an option that there's a firm. You can use a firm, some other payment options that you can use if you need an extended payment plan, depending on the country that you live in. But yeah, I just wanted to put that out there. And also this Instagram Live, I'm going to be talking about curve to cuff throughout it. But this Instagram live that I'm about to present as a podcast episode, one of the most important episodes that you could listen to for the rest of the year, especially if you are a start and stopper dater, especially if dating feels very, very exhausting to you. This is going to be a very, very important episode. So without further ado, here's the episode.

The Five Thoughts Blocking Love

SPEAKER_00 1:53

Today's live is the the five beliefs. The five beliefs, the five thoughts that are literally keeping you. If you're just getting in, you're in here on time. The five thoughts making it harder to meet, date, and choose the right men. The reason why this is important is because if I often offer strategy, very easy, simple strategy on meeting men, meeting quality men, meeting quality men who are financially established. Okay, dating for commitment, dating commitment ready men. I give so many tips, strategy, tactics, simple things to execute, to have what you want. But the women who are struggling executing on these things, it's because there's a lot of mind drama going on. There's a lot of thoughts and a lot of jumbled things going on in the mind that's preventing her from seeing my what I'm teaching as very simple. It makes it very hard. So although what I'm teaching is a very simple thing for you to execute, it is the thoughts that are coming in your brain that are like, uh I'm not gonna be able to do it. Oh, this maybe next year, uh, this is weighing me down. And I feel sad because you could get results this week, this 30 days, you could be getting results this month, but because of your thoughts, it's slowing you down. And so I'm doing this live to uncover these thoughts and actually help reframe them for you. Okay. Someone says, You're so right. I basically run a movie that ends badly before I take action. But you know, that's not just you, that's the human brain. The human brain is designed to keep you safe. So if we are identifying with our brain, what happens is we want to know everything is going to be okay if we do it. And so we run all the worst-case scenarios, but then by that time you've talked yourself out of it. You talk yourself over it, okay?

Dating Exhaustion Is Outcome Control

SPEAKER_00 4:29

So the first thought and belief that I notice comes up quite a bit when I talk about the strategies. Let's just say I say, hey, you need to be meeting 50 new men per month. The first thing people are thinking about, I'm tired. Dating is exhausting. If you've ever thought that, put one in the comments. I'm tired, I'm burnt out. I hear Torah talking about 50 men. What in the world? I hear Torah talking about going on this many days. I hear Torah saying I need to go to this place and I need to be doing this and I need an anchor spot. Oh my gosh, I don't want to keep doing this. I don't have the energy to keep meeting men and being disappointed. I get it. I get it because a lot of what you've been calling dating is exhausting. A lot of what y'all have been doing is exhausting. But I want to look, I want y'all to look at what y'all actually been doing because a lot of y'all are not exhausted from dating. Most people, most of us who are like, I'm so tired, I'm so exhausted from dating, you're not exhausted from dating. Okay? You're exhausted from managing disappointment and trying to manage outcomes. I'm gonna say it again. You're exhausted from managing disappointment and trying to manage outcomes. So what that looks like is, you know, you meet a man you like, and now you're just trying to figure out how to make this go somewhere. He, y'all, he he tall, he's 6'2, right? Attractive, smell good. He looked, he, he, he got his career together. We're just like, oh, he loved Jesus. Yes, yes. And so now that you finally, finally met somebody that you like and you're excited about, you're trying to figure out how to make it go somewhere. Does he like me? What has me called? Is he gonna call? I gave him a number. I gave him a number. Should I say something? You know, you know, you know, he canceled this date twice or or he did this. Should I give him another chance? You know, you know, I haven't heard of him. Maybe he's just busy. Maybe he's, you know, maybe I'm just expecting too much. That that's what it is. Maybe I'm just expecting too much. You know, maybe I should be more understanding. He's a good man, Savannah. And even though, even though he canceled the date twice and he called, he texted me when he said he was gonna call, even though he refused to bring me flowers to the date, you know, I I should just be more understanding. You're trying to manage how he feels about you. That shit is exhausting. I'm already tired. I need to go take a nap after all of that. You're trying to manage how quickly the relationship progresses. I'm tired thinking about it. You're trying to manage your expectations, manage uh your disappointment when he doesn't do what you hope he'd do. That is emotionally exhausting. I'm tired just thinking about it. Okay? You managing all of that, and then on top of that, you know what else y'all are doing? You're dating without boundaries around your energy. Yeah, that's that's what you're doing. You're doing that as well. You're you're texting the one man all day long. Talk about nothing. Because it ain't the date ain't happening, right? And even if you're going on dates, you're talking to the men all day long. Oh, you know what else you're doing? You're rearranging your schedule because you like him. You're like, you know, I'm not even going to put, you know, make plans this weekend because it's the weekend, he usually don't have his kids, and he probably gonna ask me out. Oh, yeah, that's exhausting. You're you're going on dates, you don't even want to go on. You this is say you attract a guy, but you not like he wants to go here and you don't want to go there, but you go because you don't mind. That's draining to not go on a date that you're not excited about. And don't let it be a man that you're not really attracted to because you're only going out with him because he looks good on paper and he's a good man, and you think a good man should be rewarded by going on a date with him, even though he should just be good because he's human. Okay, you're talking to a man for weeks, and he's not making he's not intentional and he's not investing. You're just hoping one day it's gonna happen for you. He you're hoping. Y'all done had two dates, you're hoping he calls you for a third date, so you just keep texting and keep talking to him. You know what else? You're giving men hours and hours and hours of your attention, and he hasn't even done anything to earn that kind of access to you because you like him. That's very disappointing. That's draining, that's exhausting. And you're staying in situations long after you have enough information to make a decision. This man wants all this access to you, all this access to you, yet this man is not investing in you. This man is not showing up for you in the way that you would want him to, but because you like him, you stay in it. Of course you're tired. That's tiredness. Of course you're tired. And for and for you guys who are like, Vitora, you ain't talking to me because I'm just tired of going out and not getting approached. I'm tired of wasting my time going outside. You know, I'm tired of that. Every time I go out, nothing, nothing is happening for me. You're you're you're doing the same thing. You are trying to manage outcomes and manage your disappointment. So when you go out, you're like, all right, somebody needs to approach me. I put on my good Mac makeup, I put on my good foundation, right? Put on my good dress, somebody better. They need to make this worth it. Because I don't believe I'm worth it just to come outside and look good. I don't think I'm I'm worth it just to beautify myself, to just be outside for no reason at all, even though I should be able to do this and wear my good perfume just to walk to the mailbox if I want to. I have to make it worth it for a man to approach me. I have to have to take the energy that I used to go out, it was for a man. And because I didn't meet a man, now I'm drained. That sounds very draining. If I got dressed up just to go meet a man, and I'm somebody who loves to go out to meet men. I love to go out and meet a good man. But if I ever fix myself to put on makeup, something I just learned this year, by the way, and put a lot of work in to put nice clothes, right? Nice $200 dresses on just to go meet a man, and I don't meet one I like, I will be drained and exhausted too. If I wasn't having fun, if I wasn't just enjoying the energy of the spot, if I just wasn't creating connections with just people for no reason at all, because I just love humans, and I see the value in connecting with humans in general, I would be drained as well. I literally just shared on my story is the amazing time I had with the with the older wealthy man that I that I met and all of his family and friends. We had a time, honey. Just because I was open to connecting with somebody that I'm not necessarily attracted to. And now I have new rich friends, right? That I have on that I can literally just text and ask questions for and receive mentorship from. And um we're going to they invite they invited me to a Cowboys game to sit in the suite with them in November. I have all of this because I decided that it was worth it for me to just go outside and look pretty for myself and not just to be man, that's exhausting. So of course you're tired. So the answer isn't to take six months' break from dating. The answer isn't like, you know, I'm uh dating is too exhausting. I'm just gonna wait until, you know, things get better with me emotionally. No, you you need to learn how to date without over-exerting yourself. You need to know what deserves your attention. You need to be able to beautify yourself and have fun, whether a man is present or not. You need to be able to leave the house and create pleasure for yourself that is not directly correlated to a man needing to approach you. You need to be able to live a well-rounded life outside of Aaron's, outside of church, outside of home, school, work, whatever. You need to be able to do that so that you're naturally overlapping the lifestyle of the man that you want, but you're not directly going outside just because of him. Okay. You need to know when you have enough information to make a decision about a man. You need to learn how to interact with men so that they invest in you, so you leave better than when you came. You need to know how to experience disappointment without spending the next three weeks recovering from a man you went on two dates with. Okay? You need to be able to do that.

Boundaries And A Cleaner Dating Pipeline

SPEAKER_00 13:55

And this is one of the biggest reasons why I love Incurve the Cove. What we do is we just don't tell women, go and meet more men. Okay? Because if you're already exhausted, adding five more men to the chaos is not going to help you. We teach you how to manage your dating pipeline. We teach you how to vet men from the moment that they come to you. We teach you how to give men your number, who to give men your number. We have an access framework. They're like, Torah, I keep giving men my number, they're not calling me. Did you use the access framework? You're not supposed to be giving men your number just to be giving me your number. Okay. We teach you what, we teach you what to do in the first week of dating a man, in the in the first 48 hours of dating a man, right? We teach you how who actually deserves your attention, what actually deserves your attention, and when a man no longer deserves access to you. Okay, I don't want you dating more than the way you've been dating. I want you dating differently. We teach you exactly how to go and leave the house and come back with your cup filled more than when you left, even if you don't meet a man. Okay? All right. If you're interested in learning more about curve to cuff, we're gonna be talking about that on Sunday during the training. If you're interested in coming to the training, type 3 F-O-R-M-E, one word in the comment section, and you will get a link to come to the training August 16th at noon. The

Working On Yourself Needs Practice

SPEAKER_00 15:26

second belief, I need to work on myself first. Put a two in the comments if you've ever felt like I need to work on myself first, you know, so I can have the healthy relationship that I've wanted because I was attracting bums and dusties, and it just wasn't working out. So I'm stepping away from all of this so I can work on myself. And it sounds very, very responsible. It sounds so responsible. I just need to heal. I need to get myself together. I need to work on my confidence. I need to love myself. I'm in therapy right now, and I need to focus on that first. I'm all work, I'm all here for working on yourself. I'm the first one to tell you to work on yourself. Go to therapy, pray, journal, read, learn, hell, do it all. Okay? The problem is when are you exactly going to be done working on yourself? At what point do you become healed enough, confident enough, secure enough, ready enough? Because some of you have been working on yourself for years, for a lot of years now. And the reason why is because it's a distraction. Working on yourself is a distraction. You know why it's a distraction? Because what you saying I need to work on myself is essentially you actually saying, I don't want to feel the pain that I felt when I was putting myself out there. I want to avoid the disappointment of putting myself out there again. And I want y'all to realize that the work that you are avoiding, you will never completely heal without the opposite sex, without you dating the opposite sex. Because you can read an entire book on boundaries, but now you meet a man you really like, and he asks you for something you don't want to do, can you actually say no in the moment? Can you do that? Right? I've had clients spent years reading books and going to therapy, and they were so confused as to why they fold it like an omelet, they fold it like a lawn chair, they fold it like a pretzel. When that tall, attractive, accomplished man who loved Jesus came into their mist, and all of a sudden, them boundaries went out the damn door. Sometimes the man, all the man got to do is be six six, six, five. All the damn boundaries go out of the door. Okay? Because there's a difference between knowing the work and embodying the work, and that takes practice. You're probably gonna have to practice with three men who are six five, tracking the pattern. Okay? You're probably gonna have to practice with five men, right? Because it ain't you reading about it ain't gonna work. Your body has to register that it's happening, and I get to make another choice, okay? And can and can you say no to this man without spending the next three days wondering if you messed everything up? Can you do it? Oh man, like I maybe I shouldn't have done. I haven't heard from him in the last 24 hours. Maybe, maybe I was doing too much. That's the work. You can you can journal about trusting yourself, but now you're dating someone who looks incredible on paper and you have really good chemistry and you really want it to work. And something doesn't feel right though, but he's fine. He's so damn fine. Can you trust yourself, then? You might have to go through four or five more guys to start exercising. You're it's like you're going to the gym. Dating is the gym. You can't come into the gym thinking you're gonna lift the 50-pound dumbbell if you have never lifted up the five-pound. And you're continuing to get stronger and you're growing the muscle week after week after week after week. And the way a lot of people look at me and they're like, Torah how are you able to be this way with these kinds of men? Because I've had a lot of practice. It doesn't phase me anymore. Attractive men don't phase me anymore. Men with money don't phase me anymore. I had so much practice that it's not an issue for me anymore. But that only worked because of practice. You're going to have to, in order for you to work on yourself, you have to put yourself back in the ring. There's there's triggers you will never uncover in isolation. So you're tricking yourself believing that you're this better person. But by happenstance, if the man that you actually want pulls up on you randomly, will you be ready? How? If you haven't been at the gym. Can you can say, hey, I'm learning how to receive. Okay, can you receive when a man actually wants to give to you abundantly without feeling guilty? I remember I had a client, man, she was spazzing out. She was like, Tora, this man wants to donate to me. Donate to me $40,000 of real estate work. Torah, I don't know. I said, didn't you ask for a man with resources? Didn't you ask for a man of abundance? Wasn't you dating projects? Industries? Like, but she was having an issue accepting the $40,000. He was like, look, I'll do it, I'll fix all your real estate. It's gonna be $40,000 of work. I'll do it for you. She had a hard time receiving, so we literally had to spend 30 to 40 minutes talking her through it to receive it. Because her nervous system wasn't able to handle it. Can you do it without feeling guilty if you're dating multiple men? A man gives you a trip and you're just like, ugh, I don't feel I don't know if I can date other men because this is such a great gift. Can you do it without trying to reciprocate? Oh, he did this for me. Now I gotta do something back for him to let him know I'm grateful. Can you do it? It takes practice. It takes practice. That's what work dating is working on yourself. You can write down all your standards, but can you maintain the standard when maintaining it might mean losing that man tomorrow? Practice. I done lost so many men. Many men. Many, many, many, many men. I done lost so many, and it's been amazing. I've had so much practice letting good men go. Okay. This is also one of the things that I love about what we coach inside of Curb to Cuff because you're not sitting on the sidelines for 12 months learning dating theory. You're not just watching videos. You're actually dating while you're being coached. In the first 30 days of joining Curb to Cuff, we have an action plan. You'll come in, you'll take an assessment, and the assessment will determine where you're at in your dating life and what exactly do you need to work on first. What skill do you need to work on first? Because everybody doesn't have the same skill set. Some women are more shy at first, some women need to work on confidence, some women are overthinkers, right? And so you get put like your assessment will tell you what category you belong in, and then it will give you a plan to ease you into dating, to ease you into meeting men, to ease you into putting yourself out there depending on the stage. So you take action first, and then we're whatever comes up during your dating, whatever patterns, whatever triggers come up, we coach you through it every single week so that your muscle gets stronger. I have ladies, and if you listen to the podcast, that was deathly afraid of asking men for something, and now they're at the point where they are receiving an abundance. There was a woman she was scared to ask a man for a purse. They had been dating for, they had been on six dates and been dating for four months. That man, she was deathly afraid, and that man didn't want to buy a $70 purse. Fast forward to today, a whole year later, this man, this woman is dating a man within three dates, the third date, this man fixed her car for $800, literally paid for it to get fixed. He took her to the car dealership, paid for her car to get fixed, and he recently just took her on a shopping spree. And this is something she asked, she didn't ask for the car, like she mentioned the car situation, and she asked for the shopping spree. Some someone who was deathly afraid of asking for a $70 purse, okay, because she practiced the muscle week after week after week after week. And um, women who were scared to tell a man no, no, you can't come to my house. No, I don't want to go here. Now they are cutting this man off with the quickness, and they are requiring things from every single man that they're dating. Single mom. This is a single mom. I've talked about her on my reels um recently. So when you meet that man and suddenly everything that you learn is harder to implement because you like him, good. Now we have something to coach you on. Now you have practice. I don't just want you knowing what a boundary is, I want you becoming a woman who actually can stand on business with the boundary. So that's the second one.

Stop Waiting For Dating To Be Fair

SPEAKER_00 25:21

The third thought that is keeping you from meeting, attracting, dating, choosing the right kinds of men, the men that you want, is I shouldn't have to do all this. Put three in the comments if you've ever heard some dating advice from you know, especially like from me, and you're like, Torah, ain't nobody wanna do all that shit. Put put three in the comments if you don't, Torah, I don't want to do it. I I shouldn't even have to do this. I'm I'm almost 40, I'm almost 50, Torah. Why? I don't want to do it. My friend didn't have to do this. She met her, she met her husband in college. My sister, my sister just bumped into her husband at Whole Foods. It was so organic. My mom didn't have a roster. She met my dad at church. They've been married for 50 years, Torah. My cousin got on hinge and she had her husband within a few months. I know women who have never had to learn how to do this stuff. And you're right. You don't have to do any of this. You don't. There are women who have never taken a dating program in their lives who are married right now. There are women who met their husbands at work. There are women who met their husbands at 24 years old through mutual friends. There are women who downloaded an app and happened to meet a great man. That happens, ladies and gentlemen. That happens quite a bit. Okay. But what I want you to ask yourself is what you are currently doing producing the dating experience that you want. Because life isn't, like, first of all, life isn't fair. We want it to be fair. And there are some people who can easily lose weight. She doesn't have to watch her food. She doesn't have to go to the gym. She's naturally slender. And every time she has a baby, she snaps back in three months. Is that gonna stop me from hiring a personal trainer because she's naturally thin? Is that gonna stop me from doing that? There's people who were born into nepotism and their family gives them jobs. Their family are high up into wealth and are able to give them jobs. Is that gonna stop me from hiring a career coach if I need it? Why would that stop me? Because life didn't give me that. I remember I got my CPA license. I was a single mom. I was raising two kids at the time as a single mom. I was working a full-time job and I was going to school full-time. And I remember I was like, I want to get my CPA license. But the the because everybody at my job had their CPA license and they were younger than me. Um, and they had they didn't have any kids, and they all got to live with their parents. Their parents funded their CPA license. I was living on my own, taking two care, two kids. Their parents paid for their school. I had to pay for my own school, right? They were Ivy League kids. And I could be like, well, they didn't have to do that. I've like, why do I have to do it? Versus, you know, I'm actually gonna put my all into this. I'm gonna learn these skills and I'm gonna pass the exam. A lot of them pass the exam on the first try. It took me several tries. Even people were saying, Do you are you sure this is the will of the Lord? You've already failed the exam a few times. You think you think Jesus wants you to pass his exam when I just needed, I didn't say like God might want me to not have the exam pass. I was just like, oh, I just have to develop new skills. I got a tutor. I had a tutor. I would wake up at 3, 4 in the morning just to be tutored by this person before I went into work. And I had those two kids that I was raising, right? My kid and my sister. So my like I'm thinking you're thinking about like I shouldn't have to do this versus do I want this or not? Do I want it or not? Like we can argue fairness, we can argue that, but why waste your time arguing it? You can even have what you want and work for, or you just won't have it. Right? I see it as a waste of time to be like, I shouldn't have to do all this. Well, we shouldn't have to pay for water in the air. And yet we do. Are we gonna stop paying for the water? Are we gonna stop paying the electric bill? There's certain things we should we shouldn't have to pay for, and we're paying for it, and we pay that monthly bill every single month. Okay? That's the first thing I want to say. And the second thing I want to say is whoever you know, their love dating experience isn't yours, and somebody else accidentally or organically getting a result doesn't give you a repeatable way to create that result. I mean, put put put um a one in the comments if if someone has ever told you, like, I don't know how it happened, like I just met them, it just happened when it least expected. These people can never can't really give their daughters dating advice. Some of y'all have parents that were married 30, 40 years can't give you no dating advice. Because they don't have skills, they just accidentally bumped into somebody. They don't have skills. So, you learning skills, number one, you can pass these skills down like an inheritance. Your daughter's daughter doesn't have to deal with this, your goddaughter doesn't have to deal with the foolishness anymore, right? If the man divorces or dies, you already have a skill set to go back. How many married people do you see in the comment section? Right? Put a two in the comments if you've ever seen married people, look at single people situations and be like, I'm glad I'm married, I'm glad I'm not in the dating world, I'm glad I do y'all know how many of those people stay in marriages that they don't like? Hell I did. I was married. Y'all know how many of us married people stay with people to make it work because we didn't want to go back out there? Guess what? I don't care. I left because I had dating skills. I was like, I got dating skills, I can do this over and over and over and over again. I if I got married again, I would do this again and again and again if I had to. If I had to, I have the skill. So not only do I have a legacy to pass along to my future daughters, to my goddaughters, but I also, oh, and my friends, all of my friends have rosters, all of my friends get treated well by men, and uh, and that has a lot to do with what they have learned from me. Okay, I'm not around women who struggle with men, it's passed down like a legacy, like an inheritance. So everyone is bidding from benefiting from me, dating well. Okay, someone says, reminds me of Brooke talking about winning the lotto versus creating wealth. Exactly. Exactly. So instead of thinking I shouldn't have to do all this, I shouldn't have to do this, that's a waste of energy. That's a way I would like to create something different. Someone says, Do you want to be married again? One day. I just got my divorce was just finalized in May. Um and my son moved out of the house. He's 21. I am just living my best single life right now. Eventually, marriage will be on the table, but right now, I'm just loving being a bachelorette and just my own bed to myself. I can go out on vacation with a man and come back to my bed. I can go on a date with a man. Come. My house is quiet. Do y'all hear? Do y'all hear it quiet? Listen to the noise in the background. You hear all that non-noise? You can't, you, you see, you see this pole in my house that I get to swing like a chandelier because I ain't gotta worry about nobody else. I love my life right now. Marriage could be on the table later on. Maybe even a baby, but right now I don't care about that. I was married for years. I'm good. I'm not, I don't have a fantasy around it. I am good. But I can help y'all get married if y'all want to get married. I can help you do whatever you want to do. If you want to get married, I can help you. Someone says, I don't think I ever want to marry again. Rasta only, I feel you have lots of clients that like Tor have been married for 30 years. I don't want to marriage. Good. Right? So, so when we talk about I shouldn't have to do this, and you're like, Thank you for um complimenting my home. Someone also was like, Why am I doing this work? Like, isn't the men supposed to pursue me? Absolutely, he is supposed to pursue you. Okay, and I think a lot of times we don't realize that our job is just to inspire the pursuit. We just we just participating here. His job is to pursue, plan, follow through, invest, demonstrate his intentions. Your job is to create the opportunities to meet them. Your job is know how to vet. That's a job, and it's uh your job is to communicate what you want, your job is to maintain your standards, recognize investment. Your job is to choose, choose wisely. Your job, your job is to know when to say yes, know when to say no. Your job, okay, is to know when you get to say this man is not for me and move on quick. The climb what doesn't align, okay? Being pursued doesn't mean passive. And when you think about like, I shouldn't have to do all that, life ain't fair. You either do it or you get the results that you have right now, but you are the one that has the power to create the life that you want. Let's leave an inheritance. Let's build a skill set so we never have to stay in a dusty ass relationship longer than we need to because we know how to create options for ourselves whenever we want to. That's why I incurve the cuff. I'm not teaching you how to chase a man, I'm not teaching you how to how to contort yourself for a man. I'm teaching you how to do your part of dating so well, so well that you can leave his part completely up to him. You create the opportunity, and then we watch. We watch what he does with it. Okay. If you guys have questions, put them in the question box. I'll answer them towards the end. And if you're interested in learning more about Curve to Cuff, make sure that you come to my free training, build your roster training, attract two to three commitment ready men. Um you can type three F-O-R-M-E in the comment section in the chat, and you will get a link to join the free training. Again, it's number three, F O R M E, and it's one word.

Men Do This For You Too

SPEAKER_00 36:27

Drop it in the chat. All right, so the fourth thought that we have that's preventing us from meeting, attracting, dating, and choosing the right kinds of men is the thought men only do that for certain women. Men only do that for certain women. If you've ever looked at like how my clients get results, if you see like they get princess treatment, or you if you even look at my results, right? Because a lot of y'all think that you know, oh, Torah just gets this because she looks like that. I don't know, I don't know if y'all know how I used to look. It took a while to get to look like this. But the thought is, men only do that for certain women. Put four in the comments if you've ever heard any of that, and you're just like, yeah, men just do that for certain women, certain kind of women. This one is sneaky because, you know, you'll see a woman, you'll see like my clients, like men are buying her flowers or planning beautiful dates or taking her to really nice places or investing lots of money in her and making it very clear that he wants her, right? I even had a client that I interviewed on my podcast today. She literally believed that it that it couldn't happen for her. She wasn't pretty enough. Lo and behold, she on my podcast. Her podcast will launch. I will release this podcast episode three weeks from now. Lo and behold, she having everything she thought she couldn't have. I can't wait till she talked. We we released the podcast episode. She literally said, I don't, I'm not pretty enough. I'm not pretty enough to do it. Somewhere in your mind, you're like, Well, look at her. She's beautiful, or she's younger than me. I've had people say that. Well, Torah, you're you're beautiful and you're younger. She's thinner than me. She don't have kids, she's more feminine. She looks like the kind of woman men do that for. And now you've made the dating experience you want, dependent on whether you're desirable enough to earn it. So you start thinking, I need to lose some weight first. The I still have the COVID-15, I have to still have the COVID-20, and I'm gonna lose some weight so I can get me a good man. I need to get myself together first. I need to dress, I I I need to like completely change my wardrobe. I need to be younger. And meanwhile, we're not looking at the men that you have been choosing, you have been accepting. We need to be paying more attention instead of focusing on that at what you have been accepting. Because typically, when I help clients move from point A of not receiving to point B to giving everything that they want, I let them know that look at what you're accepting right now, look at the crumbs that you're accepting right now, because you don't think you can get better. You're accepting text messages as investment, you're accepting men taking you out on the dates they want to take you. You're accepting all of this. You're accepting men hot and cold on you. We're not looking at how you're not eliminating men quickly when they don't meet your standards. Typically, when women think that this is all they can get, that they can't get better, they accept men who don't meet their standards. They're just like, oh, I can get this now, so I'm gonna accept it. We're not looking at whether you even communicate what you like. Typically, what I have to help clients do is to learn how to communicate what you want from men within the first week of dating. Right? How to express you want this, flowers, an Uber, whatever within the first week of dating. I'm teach you how to communicate exactly what you like. All right, so that we can weed out the men who don't measure up. We're not looking at if you're even even giving men opportunities to invest in you. Most of y'all on here right now who do not believe that men will do this for you, don't give men opportunities. Hell, you don't even give your family members opportunities or your job opportunities or your friends opportunities. You're just like, I don't want to be a burden. I can do it myself. Why would I need help? That is why you're not getting it. You do not believe, and you have not set a standard that you don't have to earn it. Because if you did, you will be doing it in every era of your life. You will be requesting from your boss. I remember one of my clients who literally lunch paid for every day, doesn't have to pay for lunch, only gets car requests for dates, gets flowers every single day, gifts, all types of things. She used to date Dusty men. She literally asked her boss at her job. She said, Hey, I'm gonna need a team. If you want me to do this, I'm gonna need a team. I'm gonna need this, I'm gonna need that, I'm gonna need this. And if you you're asking me to do this, right now I'm seeing that it's not a fire for me to put out. Here's when I can get to you. Versus just accepting what the boss has to say, it changes your entire life because you have to believe that you don't have to earn it. And right now, you guys feel like you have to earn it. Like, and if somebody does something for you, you have to reciprocate. That's not how this works. In order to receive abundance from men, you have to already believe the abundance is available to you without you having to do anything for it. Okay, you have to give men the opportunity to invest in you. We gotta look at the fact that when a man shows you he's not generous. I had a woman ask me the other day, she said, Yeah, Tora, I asked a man for flowers, and he told me he was just like, Well, why don't you, you know, you should bring me flowers? Torah, should I go out with him again? And I was like, What you think? Because the fact that we're asking this question, like, why aren't we clear? Why aren't we clear that the man is not generous? Okay, he's already showed us, and we're just hoping that he becomes generous. I do not date men who do not show me generosity within the first week of dating me. It's a not like I'm not waiting for generosity. Like, I'm I don't date you. And so a lot of times, like, y'all have to be willing for men to tell you no. I had a client had men tell her no five or six times, and she thought it was a fluke. She was like, Torah, they just don't do it for me. I said, No, this is the residue of your crumbs, your crumb energy. The pick me energy just needs to vibrate out of your body. These men are just residue. Just keep getting the no's. And now she's getting all these yeses. The client that I interviewed on my podcast today, me, one of the assignments that I had her do over and over again was ask men for cars, right? She's a celebrity. I'm like, girl, you should be getting cars off the very fact that you're a celebrity, okay? And at first, men were telling her no. And the reason why she was being told no is because she thought she had to earn it and prove that she was worthy of it. I said, I see your messages. It feels like you want to prove yourself. You don't need to prove yourself to receive. If you just relax and let all the proving energy go and just know that this is what you want, you will receive it. We get on the call today on the interview on the podcast, and she's telling me all the men that have done that for her and beyond. And how she's asking for bigger and better things. And I'm also not gonna lie to you and say attraction doesn't matter because, of course, attraction does matter. But attraction matters, and I have to look like that woman to be treated well, are not the same thing. A man can be attracted to you when you still not have look like those other girls because he's attracted to you. He's attracted to how you look. Right? It's so funny when men talk about like, oh, when you're over this particular age, you know, you're leftovers. I'm like, there's lots of men that are attracted to me at this age, and I'm what they are attracted to. I have locks. There are a lot of women that say if you want to attract high-earning men, then you need to cut your locks. I only date high-earning men. I only date men who make multiple six figures, and I have not had to cut off my locks. These are my locks, right? I have them. I only date men who love the locks. If you don't like them, if you want me to have a bust-down lace front, I won't be getting princess treatment for you. Okay? It's not gonna be from you. Two beautiful women can have a completely different dating experience because they're choosing completely different men and participating in dating completely different. This is why in Curve the Cuff, I do not teach you to become pretty enough to pretty quote, among quotes, if you listening to this and not watching, pretty enough to convince a man to give them that kind of treatment. Not one time did I tell these clients, we are maximizing what you have. We are not telling you to be a completely different person. We are not telling you to get surgery, we're not telling you to do those things. We're teaching you how to identify men who actually have the desire and capacity to pursue you, invest in you, and give you the dating experience that you want. And we're teaching you how to stop spending your time trying to pull that experience out of men who don't. Okay, because the question should not be it should not be, am I pretty enough to make this man treat me well? It should not be. The question is, why am I choosing men I have to convince to treat me the way I want to be treated? That's a completely different dating experience. Number

Effort That Creates Options

SPEAKER_00 46:32

five, if you have questions, put them in the chat. Number five, it shouldn't take this much effort to meet somebody. Put a five in the comments if you've ever felt like this is too much effort, it's doing too much. Thing is, most of us good girls, especially us good girls who grew up in traditional religion, and we were told all we gotta do is pray and focus on Jesus, and the Lord was gonna send us a good husband if we just focus on righteousness and we were going to get the man of our dreams. Wow. Men we saw growing up throwing dangling all around the pulpit, right? Deacons, pastors, right? Men we see go get women out of the church. And when they said they want a nice chase woman, a modest woman, go get a woman who dressed any kind of way, bring her back to the church and marry her. They all got married. So I guess the Lord wanted them to be married and not us, huh? He wanted all the men that slang and ding a lane, not waiting until marriage to get married and not us, huh? They don't even make sense. It's because men were allowed to interact with the opposite sex in a way that we were not encouraged to. Men were allowed to go out and study women and create a strategy to get us. They learned from a very young age of being rejected and talking to us and figuring us out how to get us. Us, no, we did not. We were just told to be good girls. Okay? We thought we would just meet somebody, maybe at church, through friends, work, college, maybe download an app. We thought we'd just meet them because the Lord was gonna give it to us. You know, we'd fall in love and we'd get married. So when I start talking about intentionally meeting men, building a roster, learning how to engage men, dating, practicing boundaries, dating constantly, you short circle, you're like, oh, Torah, I don't understand. This is so much work because you ain't been doing it all your life. Of course, it feels like that. Why is finding a husband like another job, Torah? Oh, I can't take it. Duh, it feels like that because you wasn't like the men growing up. You weren't even doing it. So you don't want another job. You just want the relationship. I get it. But guess what? Any of y'all can go outside and pull your shirt up and show your titties and get a husband by the end of the day, but we don't want that because we know it's gonna be trash. I can go get married tomorrow. I promise you, I can go to a bar tonight and be married in the morning. That's not hard. It's not hard to do. Men are easy. Very, very easy. It's not that hard. Okay. What's hard is the skill of attracting a man who not only knows himself strong in his faith, financially stable, right on our level, emotionally available. That takes skill. That takes skill. But a lot of y'all are already putting a lot of effort into dating. You're just putting in the wrong effort. You putting a lot of effort, you putting three months into a man trying to figure him out. One day, you know, I feel like this is going somewhere, and all he does is look at your stories and send you hearts. And you be you be posting shit just for him to watch. Yeah, he's gonna really like this one. He's gonna really turn out for this one. He's gonna send me three hearts today. This photo. That man ain't paying no mind, girl. He just this is just entertainment. That's effort. How much effort went into that situation ship that you keep going back to? That's a lot of effort, girl. Could we could have been dating somebody else? How much time have you spent deleting and downloading hinge with no strategy? Oh, I know that's exhausting. You threw a couple of pictures up you thought looked cute. Nobody swiping on your profile. That sounds very that's a lot of effort to be doing. Download and re-download and hinge, starting your algorithm all over again. Okay? That's a lot of effort. Going to places that your man is not even at, that the men that you like don't even, they never go there. Taking all that time and never meeting men that you want because you don't know where to go? That's effort. It's a lot of effort talking to the about the same man with your girlfriends week after week. How are y'all, how are y'all putting that much effort into talking mess about men? That's a lot of effort. How much effort have you put in analyzing text, overthinking what to say? Oh, I need to say this. Oh no, I don't want to say that. Right? Waiting for somebody to make up his mind about you. That's a lot of effort. Y'all already putting in a lot of effort. The question is whether your effort created a result that you want, because there's a huge difference between putting effort into creating opportunities and putting effort into forcing an outcome. When I hit a force outcomes, that's too much effort. Creating opportunities gives you options. Forcing an outcome makes you take the one man in front of you and try to make him work. And that's part of why you're so exhausted. Someone said, Why do you why are you reading me so well? Because I know y'all. I've worked with thousands of women. Thousands of women. I've worked with so many women one-to-one. Like you're not the, this is so common. I want y'all to know you're not the only. There's tons, tons just like you. The reason why I know this so well is because I work with so many women, and it's so common. Okay. You don't need dating to become a second full job, full-time job. You just need the work you're already doing to actually produce something. Okay. And that's ultimately what I want inside for you for curve to cuff. I don't want you spending six months emotionally invested in one man trying to figure out where it's going. The client that I just I just released a podcast episode last night with a client. No, no, last week with a client who literally started working with me and ghosted for a little bit because she thought she was gonna have this man. It didn't turn out the way she wanted. She came back and she got to work. She got coached every single week and implemented all the tools. Love life is completely different. Love life is completely different. Y'all go listen to the podcast episode, she'll tell you about it. I want you to know how to build a roster so that you actually have options. I want you to know how to bet those men so that you're not wasting months figuring out something you could have discovered much earlier. I want you to know how to receive pursuit instead of trying to manufacture it. I want you to know how to choose. I want you to have support while you're actually doing it. You listen to her podcast episode? Exactly. I'm not new to this, I'm true to this. I'm not lying to you. You can listen to the podcast episodes. Because if you've recognized yourself in three, four, maybe all five of these thoughts, I don't want you leaving this live saying, okay, I just think, I just need to think more positively about dating. No, you need to have a different dating experience that gives your brain new evidence. Evidence that dating doesn't have to consume you. Evidence that you can maintain your boundaries with the man you like, evidence that men will pursue you when you stop doing their part for them. Evidence that you don't have to look like somebody else to experience generosity and investment. Evidence that the effort you're putting into dating can actually create options instead of more exhaustion. That's what we're doing in Curb to Cuff. We're not sitting around talking about dating. We're actually building your dating life and we're helping you attract commitment-ready men, build your roster, bet who deserve to stay on it, and date to whether relationship you actually want. Because you don't need another year of thinking about dating. You need reps, you need practice, you need strategy, and you need dating experience that finally gives you different evidence. And if you're interested in joining Curve to Cove, please come to my free training this Sunday, August 16th at noon. We are opening the doors to Curve to Cove. We're gonna start with the hour-long training, and I'm gonna show you step by step on how to build your roster. And then I'm gonna invite you to join Curve to Cove so that you can get the coaching to implement what I'm teaching you. So if you want to join, put number three F-O-R-M-E one word, number three F O R M-E one word in the comment section so that you can get the free training to join us. The first few ladies who enroll in the Curve to Gov will have a special bonus that sold out within a few hours, like it sold out on the call. I did I spent four hours on that call and it sold out within the call. And it was supposed to be a 48-hour bonus. I ran out. You already joined. When did you join? Can I do this as a busy working single mom? Girl, we have several single moms in the program. I had I have a podcast episode with a single mom who had two kids. Who how did you join? You joined the free training, right? Because Curve the Cup ain't open. All right. I'm

Listener Questions And Closing Push]

SPEAKER_00 56:17

answering questions about today's live. Someone says, How long should it take a man to propose if everything is going great? I would not ask that question. Okay. I would ask the question, how long does it take me to figure out if this guy is worth me choosing? Because if you are if everything is going right, that man is gonna want to propose to you almost immediately. Right? The way I teach this to women, men are the ones that are itching to propose to you. But I teach them, please do not let him propose to you right now, because you need to vet this man. Because men will marry anything, they will marry convenience, they will marry a man, a woman who makes their life better, but he's not necessarily in love with her, which is why I would not be focused on this man proposing. I will be focused on is he a man I would choose? All right, I'm so happy you joined, girl. That's my answer to that. Someone says, I will be traveling on a plane during August 16th. How can I join C2C if I can't attend? Look at the email or use your VPN on the flight. That's what I like to do. But no, there will be an email that goes out after the training. You need to be opening that email ASAP if you want to join. It will be an email after the training sent out, and you can join C2C. Someone said, Can I join the free training? I already know I want to do it. I'll be on a oh, you already you already said that. Um, you know what? If you send me an email, if you send me an email, I will actually have my assistant send you the link via email right as the training starts. So you can join C2C and get access to the bonus. Do that. Send me an email. Right as the training starts, right, right when the training starts, you'll get an email so you can have access to your email. You don't want to miss the bonus. Someone says, I'm a 22-year-old coliseen. I don't go to bars and clubs, I only put myself in church and family settings because of my good girl heart. I want to be approaching, meet quality, attractive man. What do I do, girl? Go listen to my podcast, girl. You need to listen to my podcast. That's what that like, because right now you already know what the issue is. You only put yourself in church and family systems before because of your good girl heart. You you know what you're doing, what is off. Right now, you don't have permission. You're not giving yourself permission to actually go meet men. You already know what's off. My recommendation um if you're 22 years old, go listen to my podcast. There are several episodes on how to meet men. Look like I really want anybody younger than 25 to really just consume my podcast like no other. I don't, I don't want you, I don't want you focused on getting in a relationship. I have a I have somebody that I'm I'm I've been working with. She's under the age of 25, and she was stuck on one guy. Literally, the guy effed up. I said, Don't you get in a more relationship? We're gonna build a roster. She had a roster within a month. And one of the men on her roster bought her some product shoes within the month. I don't be wanting young girls to jump in a relationship. I want young girls to use that youth. Use what the good Lord then gave you. Use the youth to your best ability. There will be plenty of time for you to be in a relationship. I need you to focus on a podcast to get to get your skills up and pass those exams. Focus on school, pass those exams, meet men, use your youth. Girl, you need a car. No, you and you can get a man with a car without being in a relationship. He can have you drive. I remember there was a man in my 20s, and I wrote, I wrote on Facebook, I said, Oh, my car needs fixing. That man drove three hours, and then he let me, he fixed my car, he let me drive his bins. I mean, come on now. Come on. Come on, guys. How much grace do you give to slow replies on dating apps, men who reply maybe one to two times max per day? Y'all asking questions ain't got nothing to do with this thing we talked about today. But I'm gonna answer this one. It needs to be relevant to this live. Um, I only give grace to rich men. I give if he if he's rich, he can slow reply all he won't. Because I know he's out there making money. Why would he be on the date now? I only allow rich men to give slow replies. Those are the only ones that make sense. I'm talking to a guy now. We have a dinner date plan for when he gets back. He's going off to Europe. He just finished a business meeting on a different continent. He's on his way to Europe. Like, I don't care. Don't be rich. Come back. I don't care about rich men giving me slow replies. Those are the ones I give grace to. Yeah, like you rich and you handle the business. I do not care. Um, I'm gonna answer this and I gotta go. Because the rest of the questions are not relevant to today. Someone says, How do you deal with the exhaustion of dating intentionally? Finding the kind of man I want can feel like constant effort on top of grad school work and other responsibilities. How do you stay intentional about dating feeling like another job? I answered this in the podcast. I mean, I answered this today, and you're exhausted because you're trying to manage an outcome or um or disappointment. If you drop anxiety about the future, if you drop managing, you have to make something happen. If you drop managing disappointment, it just feels like another day of the life. When I go to my private club, I have been taken out on dates with two men at my private club. Um, night men making multiple six figures and all on up from my private club, and I would go there every single week. I just made it my life. I said Wednesdays, I go to my private club every single week. Did I meet some men some week? No, but it was my life, and I came there, I would bring a book, I would bring some work, and I just so happened to meet men that take me on dates. I didn't make it a mission. I'm going manhunting. I didn't do that. I said, Oh, I'm just gonna show up. This is where my ideal man would be. I'm living life, he's living life. If we're living the same kind of life, we have to cross paths. The issue is y'all are not living the same kind of life as your man, and you're wondering why you're never meeting them. I just make my life overlap the lifestyle of the kind of man. So I'm not drinking coffee at Starbucks, I'm drinking coffee at the Ritz. You see? I'm not drinking coffee at Dunkin' Donuts. I'm drinking coffee at Swexkin. There's a difference. So now I get to live my life and overlap the life that the man that I that I'm that I date is at. He's not at the Dunkin' Donuts. Right? I'm still living the same kind of life. So, anywho, guys, I love you. Come join my live training. Join C2C if you want early access to the bonus. Go ahead and email me. My assistant will make sure you get the link at the time of the training so you can go ahead and join Curved the Cuff. Okay. I love you guys. I have to go, I have to get ready for poll. Bye. All right, girl. That was the episode. You already know what to do. Implement, implement, implement. Take one of the things that you've learned from this episode and implement it within the next seven days. And if you want guidance, if you want coaching, if you want a blueprint for sustaining the love life that you desire, hop into Curve to Cough. Doors open this Sunday, August 16th, and it's open for seven days only. So you want to make sure that you get there. The special bonus is available the first day on Sunday. I'm pretty sure it's gonna sell out. So you wanna jump on that. The link is gonna be in the show notes, or uh it will be in my Instagram bio. So until next time, girl, I I look forward to seeing you in the program. Bye!