Hi everyone, welcome back.
How are you doing? It’s so weird doing a podcast, and having these like one sided conversations. I LOVE when I get messages from you guys saying you’re listening in the car or on the tube, or wherever you are.
So how are you doing this week? And what’s bringing you here, to Your Supernova Moment today?
It’s likely that if you’re here, you’re going to relate to today’s subject. If you’re listening to a podcast about Burnout, then you’re maybe (definitely) somewhere in the Burnout Cycle.
But what IS the Burnout Cycle? Let’s explore that today.
Here’s what happens when we get stuck in the Burnout Cycle. We Burn Out. We hit the wall. We think, I’ve got to get out of this. So we make some kind of surface level change like quitting out job, moving, leaving a relationship- whatever it is. And then we go somewhere else and for a minute, it feels great. It’s new, it’s different, we’re focussed on learning, acclimating, making new connections. However, it doesn’t take long before we start making those same mistakes - bad habits like taking on too much, people pleasing, never saying no, not setting boundaries, they all come back.
The Burnout Cycle looks like this:
We’re either at risk of Burning Out, we’re Burning Out right now, or we’re Burned Out and trying to recover. And if we don’t actually make some super deep down below the surface level kind of changes, we’re right back in that place of being at risk of burning out, and then we’re burning out, and then we’re trying to recover - and so on and so on.
I look back now and I can see how I was stuck in that cycle for YEARS. I go right back to like, maybe college? Pushing too hard, then overdoing it, then losing the will, and then crashing out and doing something else. All through my twenties with work - I actually took a month off because of Burnout in my mid twenties that I totally forgot about until recently, but I made NO changes and just went back in harder than ever.
At work, every time I’d lose the will and look like I was going to leave, I’d have someone dangle a carrot to get me to stay. Some exciting new project that I would love, something I could get obsessed with. So I’d stay, and it would be exciting for a while, but then I’d end up hating it again. But somehow I kept getting stuck into that cycle, until the ultimate carrot was dangled and I took the big job that nearly killed me and I ended up hating that too - BUT, finally, the Burnout was bad enough that it forced me to take action.
The Burnout cycle gets worse every time it completes. Every time that Burnout happens, it hits harder. Because you’re running on empty by this point. You aren’t resilient. You’ve just changed your environment but you’ve not actually healed anything beneath the surface.
Here’s the missing piece.
If you’ve been stuck in this cycle of burning out, making some kind of surface level change, and then being okay for a bit before burning out again - listen up.
You’ve GOT to tackle the root.
I’ve been doing some gardening lately. It’s one of those new hobbies that I actually make time for now. It’s ridiculously satisfying. And hard work! And some days I go too hard and I can’t move the next day - so I’m finding the right balance. But anyway, one of the things I’ve been doing is clearing nettles and docks. There’s this nice sized patch of land that I’m turning into a kitchen garden and it started off as this mess of weeds and nettles, so I’ve been out with my garden fork and trug and I’ve been digging out and pulling up these bastard things. To begin with, I was just grabbing the nettles and pulling them out, but a week later I’d come back and already these little baby nettles were popping up in the same place. So, I got to digging. And MY GOD those roots go deep! Once you find one, they’re thick and woody and they just will not move. So you dig the next bit of earth and a bit more comes out and you dig the next bit and so on. And eventually you’re able to pull this three foot long twisting root of HELL that is actually keeping all these nettles going and FINALLY the ground is clear. Until you find the next bunch
This is what it looks like when we get under the surface of our Burnout. The nettles on top are just the symptoms. Beneath the surface is the root. And we have got to tackle that root, because if we don’t the weeds just come straight back.
When I got under the surface of my Burnout I found some seriously deep roots.
Anxiety was one - and fear was another. Fear was a big one actually.
With anxiety it was less the anxiousness, but the broader experience of anxiety and what that actually means - the spiralling thoughts and the compulsions and the mess that comes with all that. The lack of understanding of what having anxiety actually means as an underlying issue for sure.
On a practical level, I had NO boundaries. None at all! And I was weirdly proud of my lack of boundaries, my mindset was seriously unbalanced.
My identity was defined by external validation and the appearance of ‘success’
I was so overly emotionally invested in my work that I lost all perspective for what actually mattered
And I cared SO MUCH about what everyone else’s opinion of me that I forgot to care about my own
As well as dealing with the practical recovery stuff, like resting, resetting my brain and my nervous system, stepping physically away from the stressors and the triggers and the damaging environments I’d been in
I also had to come to terms with and deal with those underlying root issues as well
This was not easy. It’d be nice if it was easy wouldn’t it? But it WAS rewarding.
I had to learn to accept that a lot of the things that my mind and body does, the way it reacts, is because of my anxiety, and learn how to manage that, understand that, befriend that - instead of treating it like a problem to overcome or ignore.
I had to get under the surface of that need to please, that lack of self worth, and show some kindness and learn how to practice RADICAL self compassion - and start to forge an actual relationship with my deeper, inner self.
If that sounds wanky it’s because it is but whatever, a bit of woo woo is good for you.
I had to completely redefine my understanding of ‘enough-ness.’ I had to let myself ‘fail’ and practice being okay with failing and not only being okay with it but finding the positive outcome that came with failing.
I had to stop giving a shit what people thought about me. In a way it was really easy to disappear off the face of the earth to work on all this stuff, especially when covid came along a few months into my recovery and meant that I didn’t have to see anyone or answer any difficult questions about what I was going to do next.
I remember, once I got further into recovery and I started sharing my story, my therapist was like - why do you need to do that. Why can’t you just live your life, you don’t have to talk about it or write about it, you can just live it.
At the time, that pissed me off actually. I was like, I’m an artist you don’t understand. This is part of my process. This is how I deal with stuff, by SHARING and making some kind of art out of pain. By helping people see themselves in the stories I’m telling and saving them from the same dark days I’ve had.
And so then I had to unpick THAT and let myself be for a little while. I did spend time off social media, not writing, just living, and I came out the other side with balance and insight and understanding. I DO write, and share, and create content because it helps me as part of my own process of healing. I also do it because I love that it helps other people and I love the way that feels. I can just live my life without doing this - but I don’t want to. And I listen to what I want these days.
Anyway I’ve gone off track - but my point is I actively worked on not giving a crap what people think. I see who clicks on my links on LinkedIn and who reads my posts. It was really hard to post things on that platform in particular to begin with because it really was just my work world. But it was also freeing to be able to be like - here is me writing something I actually feel, that is actually true, that isn’t filtered to make sure it won’t upset you or get me in trouble or get someone else in trouble. Well, maybe it’s a little bit filtered. If I was completely unfiltered... well, I would be in trouble. But anyway, it’s enough. I’ve pushed those boundaries in a way that has made me feel good and I’ve not pushed too far. I take every day is it comes.
The Burnout Cycle will grab you and it will keep hold of you, if you let it. But if you decide, I’m getting OUT of this cycle. And you actively take the steps to get out of it, to address those root issues one by one, bit by bit, with baby steps or in giant strides, depending on your circumstance. That’s when you can start to make real change and see what else is out there.
So if you take something away this week, let it be this. That Burnout Cycle, where are you in it? Are you at risk of burning out, have you burned out before? Are you burning out right now? Where are you in it? Acknowledge that you’re in it.
Remember, if you’re burning out right now you can hop over to my Burnout SOS episode for some immediate action. Don’t try to get under the surface of this stuff when you’re boiling alive in the pot. It’s going to overwhelm you. But if you’re somewhere else in the cycle, then take a moment to think about what those root issues might be. What are the patterns you repeat? What is beneath the symptoms? What is making you stressed? Not the stressor, not the emails or the phone calls or the to do lists. What’s beneath it? WHY can’t you shake it?
It can honestly be really helpful to get into this stuff in therapy. But if that’s not a thing for you right now, let me recommend that you get a copy of Dr Julie Smith’s ‘Why has nobody told me this before?’ You might have seen Dr Julie and her beautiful face and her beautiful hair and her beautiful Instagramable home on your reels or your TikTok’s. She’s written this book and it’s very very helpful. It’s the stuff that therapy sometimes reveals that is actually really SIMPLE. Her whole premise for this book is that she can’t believe that people are coming to therapy and spending so much time on these things that they could already know and that could be making significant shifts in their lives. She started sharing this content for free on social media and now it’s in a book. It’s not to say you don’t need therapy, but it’s something that can save you time and money by giving you the headlines - so you can start making differences yourself and then you can delve DEEPER in therapy and really get your money’s worth.
And remember, you can come chat with me ANY TIME. Let’s have a 30 minute free session, we can talk about your stress, your situation, the burnout cycle and what you need to get OUT of that cycle and start tackling those root, underlying issues that are contributing to this recurring pattern. It’s never just internal stuff, there’s always practical external stuff as well. So let’s chat about it all and find that balance for you.
Head to MaggieSupernova.com and book your call whenever there’s availability, come join my Facebook group, sign up to my newsletter, follow me on Instagram @maggiesupernovacoach and just soak up whatever you need.
And if you LIKE this podcast, wherever you’re listening maybe consider subscribing so you never miss an episode, and leave a rating and a review and let me know what you think. If you’re listening, screenshot and share and tag me when you do. Help me to grow this little audience and reach more people - so we can keep working to beat this burnout thing for good.
That’s it from me this week. See you again NEXT week for another episode of Your Supernova Moment, a podcast about burnout.
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