How You Pictured It

Seasons of Motherhood and Entrepreneurship with The Motherhood Mentor

• Kate Hejde • Season 1 • Episode 46

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In this episode I talk with guest expert, Rebecca Dollar, The Motherhood Mentor, about seasons of motherhood and entrepreneurship and how our businesses shift with our life. We talk about:

- Capacity
- Managing your energy and expectations
- How different seasons have different needs
-The comparison game

Find more from Becca at https://www.themotherhoodmentor.co/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themotherhoodmentor/


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Learn more at Howyoupicturedit.com


becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

and every time you put your foot on the brakes, it full stops your car. Just immediately. That's terrifying. And yet that, and that's how women feel in their lives. They're like, I can't stop. But I also like, I'm exhausted by going this fast, this hard all of the time. But I'm terrified that if I stop everything and everyone including me is going to fall apart.

Welcome to How You Pictured It, the podcast for creative entrepreneurs, ready to grow their business in a way that feels good. Here you'll find actionable tips and tools to create the business and life you pictured. I'm your host, Kate Hyde with Dear Kate Brand Strategy. Let's get started.

Track 1:

I'm here with Rebecca, the Motherhood mentor. I'm so excited to talk today about, um, seasons of motherhood and how we kind of adapt and change and grow throughout our businesses and our lives, and how those two things kind of play together. Rebecca, will you go ahead and introduce yourself real quick?

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

Yes. So I am Becca and I am a mom. I'm a wife and I'm an entrepreneur, and I'm also a life coach. And so, um, I help moms mostly, but women in their Reasons of figuring out who they are, their identity, how to manage everything while not losing themselves. Um, kind of, you know, a lot of people hear, oh, you're a mom coach, and they think like, I'm a parenting coach, but really my philosophy is coaching the parent because that's where everything else comes from, right? I could coach you on parenting, but if I'm not coaching who you are as a woman, it's That's what's going to impact your parenting is who you are and how you feel and your nervous system, and I'm sure we'll talk all about that

Track 1:

Yes. Love it.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

Yeah,

Track 1:

How did you get into that field?

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

so. Really the, the short version of the story is that I was helping moms with in CHE league. So that's like peer support, breastfeeding support, um, also weaning support. Um, and really I noticed. Every single call. What the mom really needed was someone to see her, someone to hear her and hold space for her and trust her intuition and help her to make a decision.'cause she had all of these people telling her what to do and no one telling her how to do it and how it feels. Um, and allegedly league played such a beautiful part in that, but I saw this like giant gap of like, who is supporting us. And I was going through my own journey too, of. You know, early motherhood really hit me like a wrecking wall because motherhood was everything I had ever wanted. That was my dream job. Motherhood, being a mom was my dream job. And I got there and it was like, wait, I'm not fixed. I'm not super happy. I'm actually super anxious. I'm actually deeply happy, but also. Kind of not like I'm not okay. And, um, I was working through some trauma that came up again that I thought I had done therapy for, but I didn't wanna go back to therapy. I didn't really have the capacity for it. And I found life coaching for myself in that season. Um, and it just completely changed it, it changed things in that it empowered me with like, okay, I'm at baseline. I'm doing okay. I'm functioning. I'm not like Completely drowning, and yet I kind of felt like I was, um, and so life coaching really changed a lot for me. And so, you know, I did my own life coaching for years and years. And then, um, my kids hit this point where I was like, okay, I have always wanted to help people. I have always wanted to support other people. And all of a sudden it was like, why not be a life coach? It's something that I've always been very natural at. And so, you know, I. It kind of took one small leap that ended up being a giant step with hiring a one-on-one mentor who really helped me develop the skillset and capacity and know what was in my lane and what wasn't my lane. Right. Because life coaching is, was kind of this like whole, what is a life coach and how do you become a life coach and do you get certified and do you need to just go become a therapist? And so I really invested in mentorship and that's kind of, that was a longer story than

Track 1:

That's okay.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

is the shorter version of the long one.

Track 1:

So as a business owner, how did you kind of picture your life when you started your business and has that deviated? Um, what has changed? What have you had to shift?

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

I think what's interesting, when I was first starting my business, I didn't really know, um, I. Especially when I was first starting out, I didn't really have this big audacious goal to be an entrepreneur, actually. In fact, the business making and the business owning, I, I loved the idea of having like a flexible schedule and still being able to stay home with my kids and being able to kind of make my own rules. I didn't know if I had it in me. Um, and so I think More than there was vision and dreams. There was just kind of like, I'm just gonna take this one day at a time and see what I make of it. Um, when I was really first starting, I don't think I could have pictured I don't think I could have pictured what it actually felt like, what it actually

Track 1:

Yeah.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

It felt so far away like the having a, having a thriving business, especially, and like helping as many people as I am now and being as visible as I am now. Like, which to some people, the visibility of my business is like no big deal. But before I started my business, I wasn't on Instagram, I wasn't on Facebook, and so, Starting this business was kind of one day at a time of like, I have my why and it's so passionate, and I kept seeing this gap. I kept seeing this gap of like, I have to fill this gap. This is the gap that I want to fill. And so I. I don't know if I pictured what it would look like for me, I pictured what it looked like for my client. That's something that's changed a lot, especially as I've grown and realized that like my business has to support me and what do I wanna picture this business being an entity of me, but not me. Right? Like not over coup like. Right. In the same way that so many of us lose our identities to motherhood, we can also lose our identities to being an entrepreneur or a business owner. And so The relationship to my business has really evolved. And so when when I first started, really what I pictured was like, I wanna help women. And that was it. That was it. And I just kept taking tiny little steps on the way to like, how do I help them today? How do I help them in this season in a way that fits my capacity so I don't

Track 1:

Yeah. Yeah. That's awesome. Okay, so let's get into Seasons of life, seasons of motherhood. What, what does that mean to you?

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

Um, well, I, I love thinking of seasons because most of us think we're going, most, most of us have this idea. It's not a conscious thing that we're thinking about, but it's the way that we're operating, right? It's like our baseline operating system that will have this arrival point. We'll have this arrival point in motherhood, we'll have this arrival point in business, right? And yet the reality is, is that there's always going to be seasons. There is going to be a winter where it fears feels hard and cold and long and a little lonely, but also kind of cozy

Track 1:

Yeah.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

and gives you permission to rest. And you know, one of my big beliefs is that like what feels good in winter, Probably won't feel good in summer. Like it will feel stifling and hot and not fun and like Summer brings different vibes with it. The same thing is happening in motherhood and business and it's, it can change on a day-to-day basis. that's the thing with running a business and with motherhood, is that it is constantly changing based off of our environment of things that we have no control over. Right. Like one week. You are thriving and your kids are in school and you have this schedule, and then all of a sudden your kid gets sick and that day you suddenly entered a whole new level of capacity of what you are capable of because, and I think a lot of women have this idea of, well, I have the capability to do this. Like I am able to do so

Track 1:

Right.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

and I'm aware of it now and I'm not ashamed of it. And then there are going to be certain days where my capacity, my ability to do what I'm capable of just isn't there. Maybe physically, maybe mentally, maybe emotionally. And so balance is something that so many women come to me wanting to work on. They're like, I really want work life balance. I really wanna feel more balanced emotionally. And it's like, You're never, you're, that's not a reasonable goal. What we're saying is, I wanna be good and I wanna stay there. And I'm like, you're gonna be good and then you're not gonna be good. But in those dark phases, how do you see in the dark?

Track 1:

Yeah.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

How do you get cozy there? How do you get out of it so you don't get stuck in it? How do you move through these different seasons? That's really the questions that I wanna ask, that I wanna support women with is, What does it look like to show up right now? What does care look like right now? What does showing up in your values look like right now? Because so many women are running on this autopilot and they're not really good bosses to themselves. That's the funny thing with entrepreneurship that I see so often is that women are like, I wanna build this business for freedom and joy and peace, and then they're running their business in a way that completely contradicts that because They're not aware of the emotions and the fear and the choice, like, I have choice in this and it's going to be uncomfortable sometimes to slow down.

Track 1:

Yeah. Yeah. I think that's a huge thing, um, that we get kind of caught in this, like, this is what we're supposed to do and this is how it works, and we have to send an email every week and we have to do, like, check all of these boxes and it's not always what's best for us and what's best for our clients and all of those things. And just trying to figure out how to fit your business into the life that you wanna live, right? Like

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

Yeah.

Track 1:

and adjusting again for those motherhood things I like. For instance, this week they sent out a thing saying it, there was a possibility that school would close early for heat in our district. And I was like, okay. Like, and it's like a thing where you have to then just like suddenly pivot and figure out, you know, what's a priority again.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

Mm-hmm. Yeah. And one of the, I love visuals to like help us really hone in on what things are. And one of my favorites is, it's like driving a car. And so many women are so used like, Ima, let me slow down a little bit. Imagine driving a car and every time you put your foot on the gas, it goes 75 miles an hour.

Track 1:

Right.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

And every time you put your foot on the brakes, it full stops your car. Just immediately. That's terrifying. And yet that, and that's how women feel in their lives. They're like, I can't stop. But I also like, I'm exhausted by going this fast, this hard all of the time. But I'm terrified that if I stop everything and everyone including me is going to fall apart. And they don't trust themselves. They don't trust their brake and they don't trust their gas. They, they are not aware of their body and their lives. Telling them they don't have this self-awareness that's telling them, Hey, we need to slow down and not full stop. It doesn't ha we, we have these extremes for a reason. There are seasons that call for extremes, and then there's seasons where it's like 45 is great.

Track 1:

Yeah.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

And then there's seasons where 45 is too fast. There's seasons where 45 is too slow and you're bored and you want to go 90 and you can go 90, or maybe you have to, but you realize like, okay, this isn't maintainable, and what does it take for me to drive that speed? What does it take for me to live at that capacity? Right? Like one of the big things that I noticed is that like the more successful my business gets, the more I need. like to think like the more successful, the more heels I'll get, the less I need. And it's like the more I'm giving out, the more I have to receive in, because now I'm living at a different level. Now I'm pouring out at a different level. And so we're so used to looking outside of ourselves of like, how fast do I go? Someone tell me, someone told me the safe speed, and yet no one else is living your life. No one else has your kids. Your kids' schedule their disabilities, right? Like Everything shifts and changes and so you have to trust yourself

Track 1:

Yeah.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

to drive your life. And so many women are really struggling with trusting themselves, and yet we get into these businesses or motherhood and then we have everyone telling us what to do and how to do it. And here's, here's the blueprint. And all of that is really good and helpful. Unless you don't know where you are and you don't trust yourself to like slow down and put boundaries on, or even take boundaries off and say yes to things.

Track 1:

Yeah. Yeah. So what kinds of things do you suggest doing to like find strategies or tools? What do you suggest for those seasons where you are going 90 and you need more support for it?

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

I think. For most women, awareness is a really big piece of, they're so aware of what's going on outside of them, but they're really ignoring what's going on inside of them, what their bodies are saying, what their emotions are saying, and usually their relationships too. That's usually where our behaviors slip. First, um, it's likely not going to be in your business. It's probably going to be in your parenting or your self-care or your relationships, right? Like we have these little red flags and we have these yellow flags that we're ignoring. So it's carving out some space and intention to actually, even if you're not slowing down in life enough to Have some perspective to see like, is this sustainable and am I aligned with my values, or do I just have like a brick on the gas? And I've never thought of like, is this actually what I want? Does this serve me? Does this feel good? Because I. And the thing is, there's not always like a very quick, fast, easy thing. I think a lot of us want there to be, but it's so individual in each woman because some women might wanna keep that fast pace, but they're also gonna need to shift the way that they're caring for themselves. Some women wanna keep that fast, some women wanna like quit the fast pace, but it's developing the self trust and feeling into your body and Noticing what you value, noticing what's at stake, having perspective of like your season and what serves you. Um, and asking, asking, like not just am I checking the boxes, but like, do I like my reasons? I'm saying yes to this. Um, But it actually usually takes some temporary slowdown. And I will say like I really do think for most women it takes community or one-on-one support with someone else. Giving them perspective shift and helping them process through this, right? It's is so much like you can just do it all yourself. And I fundamentally don't agree with that. I think there's a lot we can do on our own and. I will hold, I will tend to hold myself to standards that I would never expect out of someone else.

Track 1:

Yep.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

And I won't see it until someone else tells me. Because when it's in your head, if it's not, if it's not external, sometimes it's really, really hard to see that in yourself. So let's say someone is kind of like, okay, how do I figure this out on my own? Take some time and journal it out on paper, your thoughts, your feelings, your emotions. Like kind of take a life audit. Take a life audit and see like, is this the life I wanna build? And if not, here's like a G P S. You need to figure out where you are right now and where you're going. And you see like, okay, where's the gap between that? What's, what's the slowdown? What's the speed up? Where do I need more boundaries? And know and slow down. Where do I need gas? Because it might be different in different areas, right? It might be that some areas you need to hit the gas in some areas you need to hit the brakes. You might need to pull your car over for just a minute and like take an afternoon, right? So it's different for every woman,

Kate:

Yeah. yeah. Well, and I think there's so much help and support possible out there, but we're afraid to ask for it. Sometimes or think we can handle all of the things, but like figuring out where your time is best spent, what you do best, and what maybe somebody else could take off your plate for you. Like

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

Yeah.

Track 1:

those are huge things that help

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

Mm-hmm.

Track 1:

you into that, that more comfortable space.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

Yeah.

Track 1:

Can you think of any particular time where you've had to like, make adjustments or pivots in your business or in your life due to changes, like family changes or something that's come up, like, uh, heat closure or something like that?

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

constantly. Um, and it's very interesting how we will start a business. Saying like, we wanna make the own rules. And then we realized that like it actually doesn't feel safe in our bodies to do that. Right? Like when I really truly first started telling clients like, Hey, I need to cancel it, like in my body, it felt like so scary. Right, because I had to get over this like, I need to please you and I need to be always available and it's my job to help you. And I started realizing like my capacity is number one, because if I'm not honoring my body, my life, my family, I will begin being resentful towards my clients and towards my business. So it was really one permission and two learning to regulate when I felt dysregulated, making those big decisions like, Hey, I know I said I was going to do this, but actually I'm going to change my mind, and that doesn't mean I'm imp unprofessional. That means I'm in integrity because we don't see people running their businesses in a Feminine strong way. Really we don't, or we see this like very instagramy version where you're just this coach who like barely works and everything flows and it's easy and you're making all of this money and you spend all day at the beach with your kids. And by the way, I'm not bashing any coaches who have that life. Some people might really have that life. And it's good to remember for yourself like What does my ideal life look like? And that means that sometimes I'm going to be canceling a call an hour before because the school just called and I have a sick kid. And that matters more to me. You know, everyone says you can have both. You can have both. But we also need to talk about the fact that like there are moments and there are seasons where you will have to choose. You might have to decide, I am prioritizing me and my family over this job, and in this moment I'm actually going to choose my job because that means choosing my family, or that means choosing myself and knowing that you can flow in between those and balance doesn't look like this even stream of I have this perfect balance. It means I am responsive to what externally and internally my life needs. When it happens, it means that I have a nervous system that doesn't never get dysregulated, right? Like I think the most recent example is, um, at the end of the school year last year, we lost our dog. And leading up to that, my dog was having seizures and I basically was caretaking for our dog. I knew I would grieve when we lost her, but I had no idea how deeply it would wreck me. And also part of it is that, When grief hits you, it, you lose capacity for the things that you've been tolerating. So all of a sudden my body was just kind of like, here's a lot. Here's a lot of things to feel and work through, and all of a sudden you're so tired and you just can't.

Track 1:

Yep.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

And I had to look at my business and my life and my family and say, I am going to honor the fact that my capacity just crashed. I could push through. What will it cost

Track 1:

Yeah.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

What will it cost me? Not just right now, but down the road because so many women burn out because they're high functioning. They burn out because they can tolerate it. Because they can ignore it for so long until they can't. And so, so much of having a life that changes with the seasons in your business is recognizing that you have to listen to those yellow flags. You have to start saying, I'm willing to do whatever it takes to protect the integrity. what I'm doing, not the performance of what I'm doing, because if I am focused on performance and making it look perfect, I don't get to be human anymore. And the reality is, is like it, it's helpful for me as a life coach because I have this consistent reminder that I am not willing to burn out my own life while helping women rebuild

Track 1:

Yeah. Yeah.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

at a foundational level, I'm like, I do not want to be someone who is helping others. I. At the detriment of my own life. So I have that kind of extra check and balance system going on because of the business that I'm in. But I also think back to, are you creating a core value in your business? And as a business owner of, do we wanna do things the way that they've always been done? we want to do it different? And I, I for one, want to see women, humans, and men too. I want men, I want everyone to be in a place where they're allowed to be

Track 1:

Yeah.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

where they're allowed to exist when they're really, really shiny. And then when they're not really shiny not feel like they have to always be at a hundred percent.

Track 1:

Yes.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

Like I can tell my clients, Hey, I'm really low capacity and I can still show the hell up. But I can also do that from a place of integrity. And that's, I think, when it's scary and when it's hard or when it's awkward. And I feel uncomfy because I. I'm a mom and then I work with moms, so you can only imagine the amount of reschedules and conflict and last minute things that happen. It's a lot, and I have just decided like it is not problematic for me or my clients to be human. In fact, it is expected and encouraged that we will not be shameful about that anymore.

Track 1:

Yeah.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

We won't do it as businesses and. For some women, they have a harder time in that because they're working in industries and with people who frankly don't have that mindset or that based up, right? They want you to perform, and what they care about is performance. And I think we can all look around our culture and see that people can look really shiny and perform really, really, really well until they

Track 1:

Yeah. Yeah.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

And then we all look around and they're like, well, well, why didn't they say anything? Or why didn't they get help? And it's like,

Track 1:

There was no space for that.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

for that. There's no space for the in-between and the yellow flags and the slowdown unless you were crashing and burning,

Track 1:

I.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

right? We're like, we wait until there's a mental health crisis. We wait until it's, everything's burning and falling apart, versus like, Hey, I'm struggling a little bit.

Track 1:

Yeah.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

can help me? What can support me? What can support my business? Instead of waiting so long?

Track 1:

This is so true, and I think, you know, it can be really easy, especially for like creative people that they, they love what they're doing. They love the like, work of it, part of it, the creative part of it, and then there gets to be all of the other stuff. That goes with that, like all of the business stuff, the marketing or whatever their like, not zone of genius area is. And I think, um, we need to recognize that and like find more ways to support both. Like you can do the fun part, but how can we get like minimize the other things that go with it and kind of figuring out that, like balance the worst word ever. But um,

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

I think it's a great word. I think it's how we're defining

Track 1:

Yes, I think you're right.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

cause a lot of, a lot of people say balance, but really what they're looking for is

Track 1:

Yeah.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

And they don't, we're, we're not logically saying that out loud, like, I want my business to be perfect. But then when we look at the expectations you're holding from yourself, you're like, I want myself to be at a 10, outta 10 in every area of my business at all times. And when I'm not, I'm failing and I need to hustle and I need to drive. And then you're like, wait, are you looking around that you're actually very successful, but you're not doing these things well and you haven't died? And your business is doing great. Like,

Track 1:

yeah.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

um, so I think it's how we define balance and how that feels in our bodies because a lot of women say balance and it like brings up all of this overwhelm of like, I have to like balance everything. It's like, no, you don't,

Track 1:

right. Everything isn't a priority at all times. So figuring out that like where your priorities are, I think is a huge, um, piece of it. And I actually have an episode coming up about that, figuring out your values and your priorities. Um,

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

I love that.

Track 1:

Let's talk about more, again, back to like stages of motherhood. How, how do you see businesses, business owners shift and change as their kids grow? Like what's different from parenting a newborn to parenting a middle schooler, and how does that change your business?

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

You know what's interesting is like the first thing that came up for me when you ask that is actually talking about environment. Recognizing that so many women are looking for like, here's what this looks like at this stage. Here's what this looks like at the next stage. But the reality is, is that like when I started my business, I was in the season of like my Oldest kiddo was in full-time school. My second kiddo was about to go to preschool, but I also had a husband who was providing our full

Track 1:

Yeah.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

So I was a stay-at-home mom, but I also had financial

Track 1:

Yep.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

Um, I also had supportive friends and family. I also had time. I had disposable time. I didn't have to go to work. I didn't have to provide an income at that time. And. That seems like a weird way to start this, but I actually think it's really important because I think so many women were not aware that we're comparing, but I work with like a lot of really smart women who like are very healthy, very healthy. You would not think of them like, oh, they're, they're worried about competition and comparing themselves to like other online coaches. They absolutely are. We absolutely are seeing these entrepreneurs with these businesses and saying, how did they build that? But you don't know. They started out with this or that, or in a different season of life, or they had full-time daycare and a house cleaner and all of these things. And I don't say that because I, I think some women will take that and be like, okay, so where does that leave me? If I'm a single mom and I'm in the baby stage, it means you have to look at your capacity. You have to look at your life and say, if I want to start a business, what does it look like? Not just for me to build that, but at what cost? Not that you can't, but that like there will be an investment. So how do you build your capacity, your body, your mind, your soul, what it takes to hold it, not just have it right? So many of us, um, aware of the fear. We're not aware of how capable we are, and so that's a very generic answer, but I think it's such an individual thing that it's hard to give this like, oh, when you're in the baby season, it's gonna look this way. Because some women will be in the baby season and they're like, Hey, I don't have any postpartum and my baby like actually just sleeps. Or I just hold the baby, or, or you have a baby who's like colicky. And crying all the time. Like those are two very

Track 1:

They are. Yep. I've been there for

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

I, yeah, when I had, when I had my daughter, I, like, I, I don't think I physically, mentally, emotionally, could have worked without having a complete breakdown. I was already breaking down, essentially just keeping her and me alive and the house not becoming unsafe to

Track 1:

Yeah.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

when I had my son by like, Four, six weeks. I'm like going to mops with him in my sling and getting dressed and wearing makeup and like feeling really good. So those were two very different seasons and so I think that's really important to like witness that like your season and what this looks like and what your business looks like might be very different. I think a lot of us too, there's so much flash in the pan success stories in business and so a lot of people Really buy into this hype that like, oh, I'm gonna be this entrepreneur or this life coach, or this or that, and I'm just gonna like make so much money in six weeks if I just follow this plan. And the reality is, is that like sometimes it takes time. So to slow down and to think about your capacity, and when you're thinking about your capacity, think about your financial capacity, your energy, your like emotional, mental energy. And then like, The environment capacity. So let's say you have a lot of financial money, okay? Use that financial capacity. To hire out things that you might not have the time and mental energy for. Maybe you have a lot of mental and emotional energy or like time, but you don't have the finances. Okay. You might have to d i y it a little bit more. You like, for example, when I first started, my biggest investment was mentorship. It was, I need someone who can help me start this, manage this, know how to do this, and do it all without burning out. Right? So it was business and life mentorship and Most of my money went there. And then the other things, I was just DIYing it. I was figuring it out as I, I went and, you know, I was getting help and support from people and courses, but it was just kind of tumbling through it. And for me that worked because I had the time and the energy and like, I enjoyed doing the d i y some people, you, I don't know if that's a, I, I would like feel myself going on

Track 1:

No, but I totally like, I totally agree that it's finding that those capacity pieces and finding, like I always talk about, um, you're either gonna spend time or you're gonna spend money like.To get the thing done. So how, where do you have the time? Where do you have the money? Where do you wanna learn something or have somebody else do it for you or buy the template and just have the done, like that kind of option. There's just so many options for getting things done and I think that that, um, that idea of looking at your capacity in those three areas and figuring out what works for you, um, is really a great.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

And I, I'd also say for any season, especially when you're a mom, is, and this is, you know, when we first started, when you're asking, asking like, how do, how you pictured it, asking yourself, What you want to give to this business, like what you wanna create with it. Like if this is the thing you're creating and putting out into the world, what would you love? What, what would you value? Like why? What's your really deep why? But then also, what do I wanna receive from this business?

Track 1:

Yeah. Yeah.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

What, do you want from it? And what are you not willing for this business to take from you? I think it's so great. So many people talk about like the vision and the values behind business, but I also think like what are your boundaries going to be with this business? What are you not willing to sacrifice? Because there are women who like this might not be the season that entrepreneurship works for you, and that would be okay. I, I think it's so unhealthy to just like throw one thing out there as this, like this is magic. And it's like, for some moms it might be magic to just go get hired at a job for five hours and that might be beautiful for

Track 1:

Right.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

Entrepreneurship might be beautiful for you, but slow down and think about what are my boundaries? What am I willing to give and not give? How long am I willing to stay at this, not making money or spending money before I make money? I think so many of us really grossly underestimate how long and how hard this journey is going to be when we're first starting out. And I wish someone would've told me how messy that middle stage

Track 1:

Yes.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

with the like, Is this worth it? Is this worth it? And having an answer, having this understanding of when will I know if it is worth it, and how do I know that? And being able to answer that question will take so much mental and emotional energy away from you so that you're not, um, kind of in this place where you're just. Drowning or thriving like, because I think we see these like, oh, you either made it or you didn't. There's also these little weird places where you're maintaining or you're going, or you're intentionally shrinking because your capacity shrink, right? Like I thought summer was gonna be this season where like I brought on all these new clients and I had this launch and I was like, I was gonna do a podcast. And then it was like, none of that feels good

Track 1:

Because you get there And. you're like, oh, but my kids are here and I wanna see them

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

Yeah. And it's like, Oh wait, does that actually sound fun? And being able to have that relationship and trust with yourself is going to be really essential to actually acting like a business

Track 1:

Right.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

and not feeling like your business is running you. I think. A lot of people underestimate how much entrepreneurship can feel like your business runs your life and you feel like a slave to it, which is so ironic when like that's the whole point of it is, is to feel like you get to own and choose and create this thing, and then we let it become this beast. And so I think it's important to ask those. Not just what are my vision and my values in starting this business, in this season? In this season? What does that look like? Because this is the season

Track 1:

Right.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

Um, and it doesn't mean you have to wait for a different season. It just means you have to say, okay, it might take a little bit longer, or it might take a little bit more in tension. Or, Hey, I actually need to learn time management and home management. Before I launch into this thing, like that might be the thing out of balance that opens up room for this. It might be like I have to get used to a more messy house and heal my perfectionism if I expect myself to show up on Instagram

Track 1:

Right.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

it, it's gonna shift your, your boundaries and your, that gas pedal and that break going to look different depending on your season.

Track 1:

I love that idea of like figuring out what, what success really is to you, like what that word means, what the definition of it is, and figuring out like what metrics are you measuring? How do you decide if what you're doing is working and fits and feels good?

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

Yeah. Well, and I would also add to that, Most women will use that as like a carrot that they constantly chase, but never

Track 1:

Yeah.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

Like the metrics, no matter how often they set them, they'll keep moving it. They'll keep moving it, and they never slow down because we're not present in the moment. We're constantly, we're escaping the present with the future.

Track 1:

Right.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

I see this actually a lot with entrepreneurs. We have this present life and we're chasing this future life that will happen when we hit that goal, when we hit that revenue, when we hit these hours. It's like that's all good and great to have as a goal, as an end destination for your G p s. But what, where the magic really is, where the celebration really is, is can we be fully present right here, where your life actually is, where your business actually is? Can we find safety and joy and peace right here? Because then that carrot becomes like an extra snack and you no longer have this like constant, I'm playing this game that I can't win. I'm doing, I'm running this race that like I never get a finish versus this like, oh, I get to hit these metrics and these goals and I get to become this thing. I get to become this person. I get to feel this expansion. I get to feel this growth. I get to see what it's like to impact this many people, but knowing that like, that's not where my identity and my worth is. That's not actually where my piece is because if you, if you place. All of your identity, all of your peace, all of your worth in what you're making in your business, your business is be going, is going to become so dysregulating to you. It's going to become, even when it's successful, it will often feel like a burden. I see that so often with women having exactly what they wanted and not getting to feel any of the joy or celebration or the like, ah. Ah, I'm finally here because they're constantly seeking something else and never seeing and witnessing and appreciating themselves in their life for what it

Track 1:

Right. Well,

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

It's, it's,

Track 1:

I think that like part of that, part of that is putting into your definition of success that like, hey, it's success if I get to take my kid to practice every day or whatever. Like it's success if I'm the one that wakes them up in the morning and greets them when the bus comes home or whatever. Like you get to decide what those success markers are. And I think putting that, the personal, the mothering parts into that.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

Mm-hmm.

Track 1:

pieces of success is important, um, to consider too. Like when you're looking at your business and you're like, well, I didn't make as much money as I wanted, or I didn't help as many clients as I wanted, or, you know, I didn't post that thing on Instagram, but I did show up for my kid in that moment and in that day, and my kid is gonna remember me being there for them kind of thing. I think that's another part of that success picture and how you measure it.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

Yeah. Well, you, you hit on something really important, and I think this, this shows up a lot for moms who own businesses. We will sometimes escape the things that we feel like we're not Winning at in motherhood in our business, because, let's be honest, business feels a little bit more in control than motherhood sometimes does. And so business can be a place where we escape from our lives and from ourselves, or it can be something that enhances our lives. And I, I think any, to me, anytime we're putting success in a measurement, in a metric of behavior, I think we're setting ourselves up for failure because there are going to be days or seasons where I can't or don't show up in the way that I want to, and recognizing that my value as a human is inherent but if, if we look at, you know, we can see a baby and be like, that, that baby has inherent worth, we love that baby. And yet like, what is that baby producing? What metrics is that baby hitting? Right? It's the whole like, is that a good baby? It's like, well, she hasn't committed any crimes

Track 1:

Right

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

So like, I think, no, but there's this like inherent like she's worthy just because she is and. When you can come at life and business and motherhood from that place, you are no longer hustling and working for your worth trying to earn it. You are coming from a place of worthiness and the crazy thing is when you come from that place, I. You will do amazing things because you're no longer operating out of this shame of, well, maybe I didn't tuck my kids in, or maybe I didn't do this in my business, or maybe I didn't do that. You get outta shame and you get into healthy guilt, which is, it's actually not in my values. be missing this for this

Track 1:

Right.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

it's actually not in my values. And now I can hold myself accountable because I'm not drowning in this shame of I'm not good enough as a mom, or I'm not good enough as a business owner or as a wife. Or a woman. I have this deep foundation of I'm worthy. Human messy when I'm, when I'm uns shiny because it's easy on those shiny days to be like, yeah, I'm killing it. But what about the days where I wanna like crawl in a little ball and whole like hole up in my room because I just can't even,

Track 1:

Yeah.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

am I worthy and valuable on those days too? If I, if I can get to that place of like self-compassion and trust and like, that was very hard for me. Um,

Track 1:

I think that's hard for everyone.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

Those are the places where you're going to be able to show up as an entrepreneur because you no longer say, I can't do this. You say, okay, my a hundred percent today looks like 20%. I can't get on and do this today, but you know what? I still kind of wanna work, so what can I do? What, what does still align with my values but also aligns with my capacity. You know what? I can't do all of it anymore, but I'm going to do something even if it's small and insignificant and feels silly. That's the way I built my business, right? Like when I was starting my business, I pictured in-person community and I was gonna build this whole thing and I had all of this time and energy'cause my kid was about to go to full-time school. I launched my business in March of

Track 1:

Oh, fun.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

So I'll let you do the math like that. That's when I was supposed to start all my groups and I had been launching back in December, and then all of a sudden it was just like my life and capacity completely changed and like we had some other family stuff happen during that time. That was just all of a sudden it was like, okay, I can't do what I thought I would, but can I do something, even if it's small and insignificant and Seems silly in comparison to what I see other people doing or what I thought I would be doing. Can I do something that makes me proud? Can I show up a little bit? Can I trust myself and this thing that I'm building and know that like it's not what I wanted it to be, but it's good enough.

Track 1:

Yeah.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

I'm going to let it be good enough. Even if it doesn't feel that way, even if it feels stupid, it's I'm gonna let it be good enough. And that was Painstakingly uncomfortable for me, especially at the beginning, like when we talk about like building a social media or marketing like those things, my body literally felt like

Track 1:

Yeah.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

Like being seen was terrifying. I was like, just let me have all of the clients in the women and I can help them in secret when nobody has to know what I'm.

Track 1:

right. I feel like that's still sometimes like I just wanna do the work and not all of the other stuff, but you know.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

And yet all the other stuff built capacity and built foundations of boundaries and integrity. And, you know, it put me up against some of my stuff in a way that has really benefited me. It's benefited my business, it's benefited my clients, it's benefited my family because I didn't see those things as like, oh, what the hell is wrong with me? It was like, what's wrong? What do I need in order to do this? Here's this thing that I wanna do. How do I do it in a way that feels good? How do I do it in a way that is like in alignment with my values and my capacity and who I wanna become? Even if I'm not her yet? How do I show up as her? Right? Like, oh, this is terrifying to not use filters because like, yeah, I look really cute with filters, but I just decided from day one, like I just started feeling confident with my body and my face, and I was like, if I start seeing this version of myself that That I don't look like it would build an insecurity in me. So I just decided, okay, I'm going to have to get used to seeing my face and seeing my acne scars and seeing my wrinkles, and seeing the weird, awkward facial expressions like I had to see myself. And instead of that being like, oh, I'm gonna die, it was like, okay, how do I learn how to love myself through this? How do I help myself through this? And I. Apply that to business too, because the beautiful thing with life coaching is all in motherhood, is all of this work that I had already done to heal the relationship to myself and the relationship to my kids and this relationship with like my past trauma stuff. All of a sudden when business stuff came up, I'm like, oh, it's a relationship. It's boundaries work. Oh, it's mindset work. Oh, I'm being triggered by this thing. Is the trigger the problem or is there something in me that remembers this isn't safe? Even if it is safety, and how do I build safety with that?

Track 1:

Yeah. Oh my gosh. Um, I could talk to you forever, but we should probably cut it off. I. have enjoyed our conversation so much, and I think it's been so helpful. How can people find you? Becca

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

So I am on Instagram, I'm on social media, um, the Motherhood Mentor, um, on Instagram, or they can find my website through the Instagram. Um,

Track 1:

I'll put it in the show notes too. Yep.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

Yeah, yeah. In the show notes. But the Motherhood Mentor, I'm on, what was it? Is it Threads? Is that the new, like

Track 1:

that

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

not Twitter. I was never on Twitter, but I like got on threads and I was, I'm not on there very much, but. Um, Instagram, Facebook. I'm not super active

Track 1:

Okay. Instagram's the place to find your party, huh?

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

Instagram's the place to be and I would love it if people do find me. I'm big on like, I don't have any desire to like just be watched which sounds silly. I know people just like watching sometimes, but like, what I really love is connection and like hearing from people and hearing What's going on in your life and who you are and how you found me and asking an awkward question or telling me what you'd love to see or hear. Like I really do love. So if someone like hears this and they're like, oh, I'd love to connect with her, I'd love to hear

Track 1:

Yes.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

and like know your thoughts and like,'cause I love talking and teaching, but not as much as I love listening and hearing from people.

Track 1:

I love that. What, um, What, is your favorite thing that you're offering right now? What do you want people to find?

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

My favorite thing right now. Um, coming back to the heart of what I wanted to start in my business, I'm finally opening an in-person in-depth, like

Track 1:

Awesome.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

in Northern Colorado. So, um, I'm very, very excited about that. And then I've also, because I have capacity,'cause my kids are in school, I've opened some one-on-one life

Track 1:

Awesome. Wonderful. Well, thank you so much, Becca. It was so nice talking to you today. We'll have to have you back sometime and we'll talk some more'cause I really did enjoy this.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

so fun. I know.

Track 1:

Thank you.

becca_2_08-23-2023_113341:

you.