Creating a Bigger Life EVEN When You're Scared

Welcome to a little coffee/cocktail chat with me.

I am giving you a behind the scenes look into my life and how I make big things happen by allowing myself to feel all the feelings....

If you want to change....to create an even more amazing life for yourself, you are going to HAVE to be willing to feel scared....or insecure, or doubt, and anxiety.

It is the way.

Interested in talking with me?  Let's get on a consultation call!

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Click the link below....

Join me....at www.courtneygraycoaching.com to schedule a consultation call.

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I have 2 bits of Exciting News! I have a NEW podcast called Modern Body Modern Life....here is the link to Listen...

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/welcome-to-the-first-episode/id1720478442?i=1000637985103

And Enrollment is NOW OPEN for my March Group Program, click HERE to find all the details,

Courtney

Transcript

Unknown: 0:02

Welcome to the Courtney Gray podcast the show for women who are ready to lose weight permanently, and love their body love the way they feel. And look, I'm going to teach you how to stop overeating and obsessing about food and your weight. So you can be more confident and empowered to then create an even bigger life. I'm life and body coach Courtney Gray. And each week, I'm going to be teaching you how losing and maintaining your ideal weight can be so much easier than it's been in the past, in my taking care of you, and achieving your health goals, you will live in even more amazing life than the one you have lived so far. Let's get started. Welcome to the Podcast, episode 83, creating a bigger life even when you're scared. So today I'm going to do things a little bit differently. I'm going to pretend that you and I are having a little coffee chat or maybe we are having a little cocktail chat. We are sitting around. And you said Courtney, like what are you up to like what's going on in your life? I know you're helping women lose weight permanently. I know you're loving coaching all your clients, but like what else is going on with you? And I would say, Well, let me tell you all the things. Why I'm laughing. So I thought I would just share with you. And hopefully it will inspire you to create an even bigger life for yourself. Because I really feel like for many people, the things they desire in their heart, whether it's getting in your best shape, whether it's losing weight, whether it's starting a business, whether it's leaving a marriage, whether it's you know, moving careers, moving states, whatever it is that you want for your life, I know that there's a lot of people not taking steps to doing those things because they're scared or they're confused. And I'm saying confused with quotation marks. I just posted a reel on Instagram today, this morning, where I talked about a lot of times when we say we are confused when we say we don't really know what that really is, at a deeper level is we do know, but we're just scared. And we don't we don't want to be scared. We don't it doesn't feel good to be scared. So I wanted to do this podcast and I wanted to talk about creating a bigger life even when you're scared because I have to believe that there are so many of you that are possibly wanting more for yourself. But you're get letting fear get in the way and you don't even know it. Let me just talk to you like we're we're we're sipping cocktails or coffees. So right now what's going on for me in my business is I at the beginning of this year went to this amazing two day event on the east coast where I learned how to be a better public speaker. I've done a little bit of public speaking, I've dabbled more like small groups and webinars. And I think I'm naturally quite good. But of course, I have a lot to learn. One of my BFFs is a big time keynote speaker and she's very good at her craft. And so I was talking to her and I was telling her I said, you know, I someone reached out and they said, Hey, we are interested in having you speak in 2024. We're looking for speakers. Can you send us some information? And I said to her, and I said to the guy who messaged me, and I'm like, Yes, of course I could send you information. And then I told my friend, I'm like, I really don't know what to send them because I have I don't have a video of me speaking. I mean, I do have obviously I show up on social media and in this podcast and and I am very confident in my messaging. And I think I'm inspirational on all the things. But I don't have a beautiful speech recorded that I can send them a video of me doing it. And she goes, Well, obviously you need to rent a conference room, get a group of people do a speech, record it and send it to them. And I literally when she said that felt like I was gonna throw up. And I almost and I think I even said God damn, I think I was like, How dare you sir? How dare you. So here's what I know. Especially in the last five years, here's what I know. When something comes into my scope of knowledge when someone offers me an idea or I see something in my brain presents me an idea. And I have that visceral This is horrible feeling like to my nervous system. I now know I've been doing this long enough that I now know that I have to do it. Because that fear or anxiety or whatever it is that I am feeling in my stomach. I literally feel like a shot of it in my body. That now I know is where the growth is. It's where the money is. It's where the change from not only myself but change for other people. It is where all of my desire lies. And I know because I've been doing this for a while that this is the point to my life. And I'm gonna give you the perfect example is I I wanted to get a job with a big time coach in the coaching industry. I messaged her about two years ago and said, Hey, I think I'd be a huge asset to you, if you're looking for coaches, I would love to be considered, she messages me back and says, I'd love to consider you in six months, I'm actually going to be hiring coaches. So make sure you're on my email list. You'll hear about it. Great. So I was thinking to myself, How do I make it a no brainer? I think I'm amazing now. But how do I make it a no brainer that in six months, I am a hell yes, we have to hire her. And I had, I was asking myself this question. And I had one of these visceral body moments where I thought I should start doing webinars and I literally a whole like, like throwing up. And it when i That feeling was like, Oh my God. And it was. And I think there's one of the reasons why I have this Oh, my God is because I know it's done. Because again, I know that my growth and what I want for my life, if I do the thing that I'm scared to do, it's going to get me where I want to go. So I started doing webinars. And I remember my first webinar, I think I had like 75 people signed up, which is if you don't if you if you're not in the world of webinars and everything pretty damn good. And so I was really excited about it. But I was more terrified about it. And I remember standing there like about two minutes when I was getting ready to hit Go Live. And I actually said out loud, what am I doing, and I couldn't cry, I wanted to cry. But I couldn't cry, because then I'd read my makeup. And in two minutes, I was going to go live on this instrument on this zoom webinar. And I was preparing myself because I've heard many people say when they do webinars, that sometimes there's only like one person in the room, you know, waiting, but like no one shows up. And so I told my husband, you have to be there like you have to be there because I need someone to make sure my mic is working and everything and what if no one shows up, you have to be there. And so when I hit think I had mentally prepared myself, to start and to have like one person, maybe just my husband there. And so when I hit start there were like about I think 35 to 40 people there. And so I went from being horrified like I might not have anyone here, then to Oh my God, there's so many people here and they're all watching and they're all waiting for me. And so my body was like what is happening. But needless to say it was a huge success. And I've gone on to do many webinars. And now because I've been doing them over and over and over again, I still definitely get a little nervous. But I am so much calmer. My body, my capacity for being nervous with webinars has just grown so much. And now the new thing for me is so my friend said to me, you are going to have you are going to want to rent a space, get a group and do a video and I thought How dare you sir, say that to me, because now I have to do it. And so I thought to myself, I am going to do this, it's I have to because I know myself I have to because I had that horrible feeling. But I thought you know, I instead of just getting a conference room and asking 20 friends to be there, I think I'm gonna go big, like, I might as well go big or go home. So I want to share with you what I'm doing. And I want it to hopefully inspire you in any small way to think big and to go all in on yourself, whatever it is you want for yourself. So I've decided in my beautiful little town of Chico, California that next February, I am going to do a big time ladies night it's going to be I believe now all these details are kind of up in the air because I haven't I haven't locked down the date yet. I haven't locked down the name of this. So this is you and I are literally coffee chatting all this out. So it's going to be in February. And I am going to do a like a ladies wellness night. It's going to be free, of course. And I really thought I want I don't want to do a video just of me standing like at a conference room. If I'm going to do this, I want it to be amazing. And if I'm going to do this, I actually want it to serve all of my girlfriends in this town. Like I want it to be amazing. And so there is a beautiful, beautiful winery that a friend of mine owns here in town called almendra. And it is it's just one of the prettiest wineries I've ever been to. And they have this huge room you walk in, and there's the restaurant area where you can order food and there's a beautiful long bar. But then if you go in Beyond that there's this room they call the barrel room and they do weddings there and it's a smaller venue. But they have all these barrels like up to the high ceiling. And they do events there. My son is a musician and he's done many events there. It's just an awesome venue. And so I thought I'm gonna go big and I'm going to rent this venue. And so I'm going to rent the space. I'm going to book it I'm I think I can get about 100 people there. And I am going to do like a cocktail appetizer pay for appetizers. Let people buy their own cocktails for an hour. give people time to come because there'll be getting off work those those women that work and then for an hour I'm going to do Whew, speech and just talk about I haven't even nailed down what I'm gonna talk about before, but the gist of it is going to be wellness and getting in shape and losing weight. If you want to lose weight, how to take your life in any way to the next level, how to really be aware, become aware of the stories in your head and how the stories are affecting your life. And just have it be one, I really want women to walk away and say, That was amazing. Like that is like that was amazing. I'm so glad I went. So I'm so you can probably hear my voice. I'm so excited about this. And my biggest concern then and so let me give you the details into my mind of where my mind comes up with problems. Because here's what I want to tell you. When you start thinking bigger for your life, I want you to ask yourself this question. If I could have anything, what would I want? So when I asked myself that question, if I could have anything, what would I want? And I like to think three to five years out, if I could have anything, what would I want. And I thought you know, in three to five years, I'm probably going to be still coaching a little bit one on one. But I'm probably going to create like a group program. And so I'm going to be I am imagining that I have about like 100 to 200 Women in this program. And we meet with different calls, we can talk about weight loss, we can talk about the way you talk to yourself, we can talk about relationships, we can talk about goal setting, we can talk about all the different things time management, I have so many skills as a life coach that I can help people with. But it can really be under this umbrella of wellness and living in a body that you love. And so I think how am I going to get two to three to 1000? Women? I have no idea how am I going to get these women. And I thought one of the ways I can I can attract these women is by doing speeches is by doing you know, going to events and talking to people and then saying, Hey, if you're loving this, join my program. And for now if people find me at you know, they can join my one on one program. I love working one on one with women. But when I think about three to five years out, and I think about myself, like if I could have anything I want, I would want to get paid to speak and then on the back end have women be like, she's amazing. I want to be in her program. That's what I want. So then you can ask yourself, Okay, if I imagined myself there living that life, if I can, you know, if I can create whatever I want, what would I be doing now to create that? And I like to think of like, How can I hyper launch myself there? What would I do now? And this is what I did when I asked that woman if I could if she wanted to hire me, I thought what can I do to make that in six months a no brainer. In six months, I thought to myself, I bet if I in six months, say I do live webinars that I have that skill. So this is something else I can help with, with all the coaches that you want me to coach. That's amazing, right? So that's what I did to kind of hyper launch myself. So right now if if I want to get to this place where I'm speaking and I'm a paid speaker, I go, I'm imagining that like eye contact, I'm thinking like I used to work for Hewlett Packard and Roseville. I don't know anyone there at this point. But I know I can like contact youlet Packard say I used to work there. Love the company. I'm now a speaker, here's my I think they call it like a speaker reel, I don't even know. But here's a video of me. And here's like a two minute video if you want to see what I'm all about, here it is. And then because I'm going to do this event, and I'm going to have a videographer video it and slice it and dice it do other things. I'm going to have this beautiful video to be able to send to people to say, Hey, bring me into your company, let me help your employees take ownership of their wellness, and they'll be happier, at work happier at home, be able to manage yourself better, and they're going to be able to work better and it is going to affect your bottom line. So what would I be doing now to get there. And that's where this idea came from. That's where this idea of possibly instead of just renting a space and having people it's like let's do this and make it big time. It's almost kind of like if I'm gonna go through the effort of asking people to come support me and listen to a speech that hopefully they will love. I might as well make it amazing. So that's what we're doing here. And so I wanted to share my story and hope that you think that too. Okay, what do I want? If I could have anything I want? What would I want? And then if I really believed that that was possible, what can I do to hyper launch myself there, do that now and be willing to be scared because you will be because here's what I think too. If you're not scared or insecure or have a little doubt, I want to challenge that you're possibly not thinking big enough for your life. Life is not easy if you are doing big things. I'm taking a moment to tell you that I work privately one on one with women to help them lose weight permanently and create a body they love. This is not a diet program. This is a customized pro gram to teach you how to eat the way you want to eat forever. No more restriction, no more willpower, no more losing weight only to sabotage and then gain it back again. The problem is not you, we women are so hard on ourselves when we think if we could just get motivated or more determined, if we could find the right diet plan or cut out certain foods, we will lose weight and be happy. But the answer is changing your brain and how you think and feel, changing your self image and how you talk to yourself, learning how to trust yourself, this is how you lose weight permanently. It sounds too good to be true. But I promise you it's not. The work I do with my clients is powerful, exciting, and loving. And it's hard work to but the result is change forever. The women I work with are smart and successful in so many areas of their life, they just haven't been able to figure out their body. This is where I come in, head to my website to schedule a consultation. And we can talk about all the details back to the podcast. So back to what other details can I give you about this event. So another thing I did was I thought, Okay, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do it in February, because that's just a good time for me and my family. I decided to actually go out to almendra, I just booked an appointment with their events coordinator there. And even though I've been to elmander many times, I wanted to envision it happening, I wanted to get excited. It's also I think, part of a manifestation process. So I went out there to meet with their lovely event events coordinator. And I told her my idea, and I told her like what I wanted to do and how I wanted it to be. And she gave me a bunch of ideas. And I bounced ideas off of her. And then she told me, This was so fun. She says, Okay, do you want to do appetizers I'm like, I don't know. And I'm gonna give a total side note here, I'm not going to make money off of this, and this thing is going to cost is going to be an investment in my business. So I'm not charging for tickets. There's no reason to charge anyone for this. It's almost like a gift I'm doing and I'm really going to get an amazing video out of it. I am aware of how much this is going to cost me. And so she said, did you want to do appetizers? And I said, Do I pay for the appetizers? She goes? Well, here's my thought, yes. She said, here's my thought. And she was we have this beautiful table, they have one of these beautiful wood tables, where like there's a raw edge to it. It's really cool. She was my thought is we could do like butcher paper down the middle and like a huge charcuterie board. And I just went Yes, please. Yes, please. I said, How much will that cost me she goes$300. I said done. I said that sounds amazing. And then there can be a no host bar. And that's when we decided to do like a cocktail hour because a lot of people get off of work right around five. And this is a it probably takes about 15 minutes to get there. For everyone who's living in my little town. It's actually in the next town over. So I thought perfect that'll give people time to get here. And and then she says and we could actually set up little round Hi tables toward the back of the room. If people come in late. I go Yeah, I want this to be. I want it to be really fun. But I also want there to be a little bit of casualness to it. And I said like I want to set up chairs, but I, I want it to be if more people come because I have no idea how many people will come. If more people come it's not a problem. I'll have my my boys there and they can just set more chairs up. It's totally not a problem. Even while I'm speaking they could do this toy, no problem. And so then I was totally excited. And I thought how am I going to get people here? Because it is important that if I'm going to spend money on this place, if I'm going to hire a photographer and a videographer, how am I going to fill this room because I want it to be amazing. And so I thought this is a total side note, I am for those of you who know me, you know all this, but there's gonna be some people maybe that don't know me. So I have been for years a glass jewelry artist. So that was my first business that I'm still running. But one of the most popular pairs of earrings that I have created that sold really well and made me a lot of money in that business. Were these little stud earrings. They're called the Maria studs named after one of my best friends. And I sold them for years and years. And they were my number one selling anything of all time. But they were really, really hard on my body. And when I had two assistants really hard on my assistants body, so it just got to the point where it just wasn't working anymore. And I decided to give those up. And so I don't make those anymore. And let me tell you, this is literally when people would come up to me and say, hey, I want to get another pair of Maria studs. And I would say oh you know what? Those are really hard on my body and I'm no longer making them literally probably 50% of the time it was what can you make me one more pair? Usually that like that's how popular this pair of earrings. There are some people that have been supporting my business for five years. That prop might not buy anything else from me because they just love my Maria Stutz. That's how popular these cute little stuff That's where. So I had an idea. And again, a little bit terrified for physical and mental reasons, I thought to myself, what would be a no brainer to fill this room, because here's my goals, I want to get an amazing video, I want it to be an amazing, inspiring night for everyone who comes. And I want it just to be an overdeliver. And a thank you to like the community that has like, supported my business for so many years allowed me to like, go to my own next level time after time after time by supporting my jewelry business and now supporting my coaching business. So I thought I am going to tell people, the first 100 people in the door, get a pair of Maria studs, which again, I'm not making any more. So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to, I want to be able to message anyone and everyone that I know loves me and say Kristen, I'm thinking of a one of my friends Kristen, who I know loves my studs, her and her daughter loves my sets Kristen, and sending her like a digital flyer for the thing. For the event. Kristen, I'm having this event, it's going to be amazing. I really would love for you to come. I would love for you to bring anyone in everyone who you think would love to come? I'm offering a free um, you're gonna get a free pair of Maria studs for the first 100 people in the door. And I think she's going to be like, it's a yes, please. So I'm, I feel like it's going to be absolutely amazing. It's going to be a little scary making that many of these earrings. And then I was thinking, Well, how am I? What kind of colors do I make? What? And I was getting all up in my head about that. And then I decided I'm going to do a custom color that nobody has. So then it can be because I was like, I don't want people like well, I have this color. And can I exchange it and I don't want drama. So I'm going to make a custom color, make 100 pairs, and it's going to be amazing. And then I thought So then here's one thing I want to share with you, when you start doing this work problems are going to come up, be on the lookout that when problems come up. Sometimes they can stop you. And you get like, oh yeah, that's not going to work, oh man, and then you end up not doing anything. So when the problems come up, solve for them. So I thought to myself, oh my god would if we get more than 100 people. And I thought done, I will just get those people's phone numbers. I will put their names on the list, I will make them tell them it might take me a month. But I will make you a pair of earrings and I'll shoot your text when they're ready. Done. Problem solved. And then I came up with like, that's where I came up with the problem of what if we get more if we only put up 50 chairs, and then we get 80 people done? I'll have my children there, they will get more chairs. And then I thought oh, what if I? You know, I don't know what came up with all these? Oh, do what what if my microphone doesn't work that I'm going to hire a professional videographer done? So as you start thinking, What can I do to hyper launch myself there? Know that a bunch of complication potential complications, potential problems are going to come up? But of course they will. Because you're doing things you've never done before. Expect it and expect just to solve for them and expect to talk to some of the people in your life and say how do I solve for this? One of the things I said to my husband, I go, I'm worried that I'm opening myself up a can of worms by making the Maria studs, I'm worried that people are going to say, oh, you know what? I actually lost one, can you make me another and then I'm gonna feel obligated? My husband goes, you just have to be strong and be like, No, I'm not, I'm actually not doing that. I'm like, You're right, I just have to allow it to be uncomfortable and be strong. And that's when he said, Well, instead of doing a bunch of colors, because at first I was imagining this like round table with all these different colors and letting people choose. But if you know if you know me, and if you've been to one of my parties, or one of my farmers markets when there's 10 people around the table, that sounds very chaotic and stressful. And I'm just imagining people grabbing them and saying my friends coming. I'm gonna grab these for her and this one saying I want that. Oh my god. So I thought so my husband said, just make one color and make 100 pairs. And I'm like, Oh my God. Yes. So it's knowing that those objections, those problems are going to come up and you quickly solve for them. And most of the time, there's no right or wrong to any of this. So I had a one day where I was like, Should I do this on Saturday or No, I was thinking Sunday afternoon or should I do it Thursday night, and I allowed myself one day to talk to all my BFFs to talk to my husband. What do you think Saturday Sunday morning or Thursday night and I There are pros and cons to both. I have a guy that I know that would be amazing that could video it and it would give him great exposure he it might be a little cheaper than someone else I'm thinking of going with and so I could do that if I did a Sunday morning, but then when it really came down to it if You know what I think Thursday night sounds more fun. And so that to me more fun, it Trump's saving money, I gave myself a day to make that decision. So I'm gonna give you another example of creating a bigger life when you're scared. A few years ago, before I really started making more money as a life coach, when I just kind of was dabbling in the life coach coaching career, I was doing my jewelry business full time. And I thought when I did this work, and I thought, if I could have anything, what would I want, I really thought, I want to travel more. And it's not that I don't want to work. It's not that I want to be retired, I just want to be traveling more, could I find something to do where I could still make money and travel. And with my jewelry business, it's it wasn't accommodating travel, you know, in order to do my jewelry business, I had to be here at home. I thought to myself, if I could have anything I want, maybe I need to build this coaching business. Because if I'm build this coaching business, I really can coach from anywhere. And so that took me down that path. And then again, I asked myself, How can I hyper launched myself fair? How can I do this right? And so then what I said to myself is, I think I need to just start scheduling travel in order to figure out because I was nervous, like, I don't want my coaching clients to feel at all disrupted by my travel. How does that work? So I needed to be willing to be uncomfortable, and be uncomfortable with the fact that I might pop up and I might be in a different place. And my people might be like, Oh, where are you now? And is that uncomfortable for me? Would that be uncomfortable for them? I think of like, we're going to Santa Barbara again this next week. And in order for me to coach my clients, my husband is going to have to be out of the bedroom by 6am. That makes me uncomfortable. I don't like bothering him. And so can I allow the discomfort and have the conversation with him. And here's the thing, when I said to him, Hey, I feel bad telling you this, but we rented a small VRBO the best place for me to be coaching is in the bedroom. But you're gonna have to be out of the bedroom by like 545 in the morning. And he's like, Hey, you're fine. And that's the thing. It's like, I'm so worried about him being annoyed, he's never annoyed, never want to come to him with this is how we're going to have to accommodate me making a lot of money. He's never annoyed. And he's going to be going surfing that early anyways. But I had to allow that it wasn't fear, but it was discomfort with annoying other people, I'm going to have to allow the fact that my kids are going to be the next room. And they likely are going to hear me coaching early in the morning. And then I thought well, there's another good reason for them to go surfing with their dad, if they were thinking I'd rather sleep in, I can say heads up, you won't be sleeping in because your mom's gonna be on coaching calls in the bedroom. All these things come up. When you start thinking about creating the life you want, you need to expect that you're going to have fear, you're going to have discomfort, you're going to have anxiety, you're going to have insecurity. This is the path to getting what you want. And what I'm going to be doing in the next month is getting really good at working away from home. What I had to do in order to hyper launch myself to there is book the travel and in and trust myself to figure it out, trust myself to say to my sister when I go down to visit her, Hey, listen, I am going to be up very early on Friday mornings one of my clients, I coach at 5am on Friday mornings, I'm gonna have to say to her, Hey, listen, first of all, I can't be out too late Thursday night. And then Friday morning, you might hear me coaching at 5am in the living room. I apologize. And I know again, like every other person in my life, they're gonna be like, it's totally fine. The discomfort is with me, because I have this I feel bad that I'm making other people accommodate my life. But I can allow that knowing that they love me and they support me. So I hope this was a fun little coffee chat for you. I hope it inspired you to go to your next level in any way. Maybe that looks like for you if you're wanting to start eating better. I know there's a lot of women that they cook for their family, and they feel like oh, my family is not going to want to eat the food that I want to eat. So now I have to make two separate meals and I don't want to put anyone out or oh I want to go out with my girlfriends but I don't want to make them feel uncomfortable that I'm eating healthy. That's a big thing I hear from some of my clients. If I eat healthy, I might make other people feel insecure about what they're eating. Can you allow that discomfort knowing that if the women you're going out with love you, if they're going to be fine, they're going to be fine and maybe you're going to inspire them. So when you are going to your next level when you're creating a bigger life. You are going to Be scared or uncomfortable or have doubt it is the way I heard my coach one time said, she said something to the effect of if you're not uncomfortable, your goals are not high enough. And I believe that I believe that. So get uncomfortable. Create a bigger life for yourself and being willing to hyper launch yourself there by getting uncomfortable and doing it scared. Have a great Tuesday. If you are ready to lose weight and keep it off permanently, if you have tried diets and you know they don't work and you're ready for real change, I would love to have a conversation with you. I coach women privately one on one, and I'm currently offering consultations to talk about working together. click my link in the show notes or head to Courtney Gray coaching.com Or you can find me on Instagram at Courtney Gray coaching