EP145: Breaking the Cycle: Healing Fathers and Helping Children

Interview with Ed Tilton/ President of Begin Again Institute

HOSTED BY PAUL SULLIVAN

As parents we worry about how our kids use screens, but how fathers engage with technology can either break old patterns or pass them on. Ed Tilton, president of the Begin Again Institute, works with men to heal from past trauma and stop harmful behaviors before they impact the people they love most. A husband and father himself, Ed shares powerful insights on how dads can build healthier relationships - with their kids, with tech, and with themselves. Listen in for a conversation about connection, communication, and how to stop repeating cycles you didn’t choose.

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Transcript

00;00;00;27 - 00;00;25;22
Ed Tilton
So social media companies if you don't know, YouTube being one of them, Facebook, Instagram is all based on an algorithm that promotes novelty and stimuli to the brain. The way in which the algorithm moves doesn't always align with the fact that, like there's a six year old boy there, the algorithms rewarded because more content's being watched and viewed.

00;00;25;25 - 00;00;38;20
Ed Tilton
And also what he chooses to click on is based on what his brain says. Oh, that could be cool.

00;00;38;22 - 00;01;05;23
Paul Sullivan
Welcome to the Company of Dads podcast. I'm your host, Paul Sullivan. We're focused on lead dads, working moms, and how small changes at home or work can have a big impact on their lives. Each episode promises to deliver actionable advice on some area of concern at home or at work. Short. Direct. Again. Actionable. Five questions. Five answers. Today, our guest is Ed Tilton, president of the Begin Again Institute.

00;01;05;25 - 00;01;27;12
Paul Sullivan
Its tagline is learn to heal from your past, stop harmful behaviors, and change your impact on the world. Ed is working to help men and fathers heal from childhood trauma that is holding them back. But also paying forward an unfortunate legacy, and that is one that can lead to intimacy disorders and addiction among the children they love the most.

00;01;27;14 - 00;01;51;19
Paul Sullivan
Married with a son and daughter and living in Always Sunny, Denver, Colorado. Ed joins us today to talk specifics about the father child relationships as they relate to screens and technologies. And what are we really talking about here? We're talking about conversation and communication between dads and their kids. Ed, welcome to the company Dads podcast.

00;01;51;22 - 00;01;53;27
Ed Tilton
Great to be here. Thanks for having me, Paul.

00;01;53;29 - 00;02;15;28
Paul Sullivan
Okay. I don't know if this is an AR question or a how question, but, you know, question one, I think we know the answer. If I were to ask you, you know, are screens inhibiting authentic relationships between fathers and their children? I think we probably guess it. But, you know, maybe turn it to like, a how I mean, how are screens inhibiting those authentic relationships between fathers and children?

00;02;15;28 - 00;02;19;29
Paul Sullivan
And how can we we rectify that?

00;02;20;01 - 00;02;44;29
Ed Tilton
I think ultimately when when we look at screens, the history of screens is important to tell the story and the history of screens goes back to like my generation, where screens were kind of like they were one dimensional, right? They were kind of a buffer. You would put, you know, in my household, like you would put on The Lion King if, like, mom had to make dinner.

00;02;45;01 - 00;03;20;24
Ed Tilton
And over time, what ended up happening is screens became interactive and screens started offering new, new ways to engage itself in an almost a surrogate friendship. The problem is that there weren't the physical. There weren't the the weren't the precautions that were taken in the physical world that were offered in the digital world. And so information that was being given to kids or interactions that kids were having with screens was not only safe for their development or even their relationship with their parents.

00;03;20;27 - 00;03;39;22
Ed Tilton
And so now what we have is kids are being given screens too early that are unmonitored and ultimately that are are just kind of an unknown entity for kids. But kids are viewing them as, as the expert or the place to go.

00;03;39;24 - 00;03;44;07
Paul Sullivan
Yeah. You said too early. What? What's too early?

00;03;44;10 - 00;04;02;13
Ed Tilton
You know, too early. It it's really based on a conversation with with each family. But I would say there are things that every family should be doing. When screens enter, you know, enter the household.

00;04;02;15 - 00;04;04;01
Paul Sullivan
For example. Yeah.

00;04;04;03 - 00;04;28;03
Ed Tilton
Yeah. So one would be, anything that has algorithms, you want to make sure that algorithms are in community spaces. So like for my kid Clay, at six years old, like, he's allowed to watch YouTube on the on the main TV in the house, but he's not allowed to watch it in his room, or he's not allowed to watch it on an iPad.

00;04;28;05 - 00;04;51;25
Ed Tilton
With headphones. Right. I want to be able to hear as much as I don't always like hearing the, you know, the songs that accompany the YouTube or, you know, listening to Ice Cream Tiger for, like, the seventh time. You know, I can I can know how YouTube and the algorithm that's interacting with my kid aligns with, like, my family values.

00;04;51;28 - 00;05;00;21
Paul Sullivan
Yeah, but but take that thought one step further. And the reason you want him to use these in community spaces is because of why.

00;05;00;24 - 00;05;04;22
Ed Tilton
Is is because I want to know what he's what he's hearing. I want to know.

00;05;04;24 - 00;05;15;25
Paul Sullivan
What is your concern about the algorithm? If he's doing ice cream, Tiger, tell parents he may not know. How does ice cream Tiger lead to something perhaps that is less appropriate or more pernicious?

00;05;15;27 - 00;05;43;23
Ed Tilton
So social media companies if you don't know, YouTube being one of them, Facebook, Instagram is all based on an algorithm that promotes novelty and stimuli to the brain. So it's going to continue to increase. It's going to increase engagement over time based on what you're searching. So ice cream tiger becomes tigers, tigers and becomes African safaris African safaris becomes, you know, war in Uganda.

00;05;43;26 - 00;06;07;26
Ed Tilton
You know. And so the the way in which the algorithm moves doesn't always align with the fact that, like there's a six year old boy there, the algorithms rewarded because more content's being watched and, and viewed. And also what he chooses to click on is based on what his brain says. Oh, that could be cool.

00;06;07;28 - 00;06;21;18
Paul Sullivan
Right? So I think I'm an algorithmic failure. I mean, I watch like the 2025 Masters and that served me up the 2024 Masters. Like, is that really stimulating? I don't know, maybe the algorithm doesn't like me.

00;06;21;21 - 00;06;24;21
Ed Tilton
You know, it. That seems like a good problem to have.

00;06;24;23 - 00;06;43;22
Paul Sullivan
Had a give round them. All right. You know question to again we're talking about conversation and communication and, you know, authentic relationships. And I mean I remember to this day 40 years later, I remember the night my parents got divorced, I was ten, I was riding my bike too late with my dad. It was the last straw for my mom.

00;06;43;22 - 00;07;01;17
Paul Sullivan
You know, she's worried in that pre cell phone world that something had happened to me. Obviously that wasn't the cause. The divorce kind of built up. But you know now we have that Netflix series, you know adolescence where I'm sure you've seen it. But you know, two well-meaning parents think they're supporting their son's interest by buying him a computer.

00;07;01;19 - 00;07;19;09
Paul Sullivan
But the boy ends up so deep into the man is fear and ultimately in prison for a serious crime. I don't want to spoil it here, but, you know, they think they're doing the right. They think there's, you know, adding to his education. I was playing outside, you know, to to late. And that was what people worried about back then.

00;07;19;09 - 00;07;33;07
Paul Sullivan
But now we worry about what do they you know, really seeing on their tablet on their computer or how have we come so far in such a relatively short time. And is there a way to pump the brakes?

00;07;33;10 - 00;08;07;02
Ed Tilton
Yeah. First of all, the adolescence I watched it and as, as a, as a dad, it is straight to the heart. I mean, it is and there's a, there's a lot of really good messages. And I think one of the, one of the messages is, you know. Understanding like some of the things that are well-intentioned and the unintended consequences that can come from that.

00;08;07;04 - 00;08;38;11
Ed Tilton
And so, so part of that is, is just looking at hardware and software on your kid's devices. So from a hardware perspective, there are things or sorry, from a software perspective, there are things that, that are image blockers. Right? So one of the dangerous pieces that that often comes about is when it comes to graphic images or accidental exposures, we call them the average age is about 7 to 8.

00;08;38;14 - 00;09;07;17
Ed Tilton
And these are kids that are just typing up random things are looking up, you know, things that they've heard, and oftentimes they're things that they've heard on other screens. So now video games, when you're talking about the evolution, like, how did we get here? Yeah. You know, having the ability to, to talk on video games, having the ability to, to interact across, you know, we got here because technology offers us accessibility.

00;09;07;20 - 00;09;32;12
Ed Tilton
The downside is accessibility isn't always good access. And so as parents we want to make sure that our kids when we give our kids screens, they're we're not always giving the world to our kids. And so how we do that is through hardware and software technology or limiting what the hardware and software can do. So from a software technology space.

00;09;32;15 - 00;10;07;25
Ed Tilton
We at Beginning again Institute. And as parents, just in my household, we work with covenant eyes. And so Covenant Eyes works to just make sure that if there's a accidental keystroke or something that's going to be coming through, that it blocks it. And so one of the one of the gifts that we wanted to give your listeners is, is a special link that will allow anybody who is listening, one month free access to, to Covenant Eyes, if they want to try it out for themselves and see if it's a good fit for the family.

00;10;07;25 - 00;10;11;22
Paul Sullivan
Tell us how it works. Explain how it works on a practical basis.

00;10;11;25 - 00;10;32;16
Ed Tilton
Yeah. So on a practical basis, it just it allows you as the parent to be able to see what your kids are searching. And it also think of it like a filter. Any, any graphic or harmful images just could just get stopped. Right. And so it alerts you as the parent to let, let you know, like, hey, this is what your kid is.

00;10;32;19 - 00;10;59;08
Ed Tilton
These are looking at either accidental or or not. And so you know that it allows for conversations to happen naturally as opposed to, you know, the, the the father son talk of the birds and bees talk, that a lot of people are really scared of. The other piece that I would say that's important is the hardware side of things as well.

00;10;59;08 - 00;11;11;16
Ed Tilton
So oftentimes like when, when you have hardware that one of the fears of parents is always like, can a kid get around the software.

00;11;11;16 - 00;11;12;05
Paul Sullivan
Yeah.

00;11;12;07 - 00;11;53;26
Ed Tilton
And the answer is sometimes, but they can't get around hardware, right. It's the in this case we're talking about phones or I'm talking about phones. Yeah. And you can see over here we've got our family calendar. Oftentimes parents are working to coordinate pick up time, drop off time and the and the practicality of their kid having a phone is essential, but being able to make sure that their kids aren't having, you know, secret apps on their phone, social media on their phone, the you know, dangerous aspects of the internet on their phone, being able to pair the hardware and the software together.

00;11;53;28 - 00;12;15;10
Ed Tilton
Yeah, also works really well. And so this the hardware that we use is a phone called, the Wyze Phone, but it's produced by a company called checklists. And so checklists basically vets all the apps that are safe for kids. And all the ones that aren't safe for kids, they don't have the ability to, to download.

00;12;15;12 - 00;12;38;22
Ed Tilton
And so the nice piece to that is if they can't download it and you also have protection with covenant eyes on any internet basis, you're, you're providing a great amount of protection for your kids. And then as a gift to the listeners, if you use promo code buy at checkout, you get $45 off the cost of the phone and tech.

00;12;38;22 - 00;12;58;09
Ed Tilton
This actually makes an in-kind donation to our foundation to pay for people's treatment. They can't afford it. So you're you're doing two things at the same time. You're one protecting your family and to paying it forward. For someone who may be struggling with an intimacy disorder or past traumas, find help, hope and healing.

00;12;58;11 - 00;13;16;22
Paul Sullivan
Thank you all. Make sure that gets in the in the show notes. But you know to follow on that you know we're talking about, you know, software and hardware solutions. But at the end of the day, you could have the safest phone out there. You could block all of the harmful apps, but your child could still be absorbed in his or her screen.

00;13;16;22 - 00;13;36;04
Paul Sullivan
And you know, this, the top of this we talked about, this is really about fathers having more conversations with their children. And every parent in America who has a child with some form of technology has at one point had some form of the conversation, what are you doing on that thing? Or please get off of that now. And that's not a conversation starter.

00;13;36;06 - 00;13;56;06
Paul Sullivan
That is a conversation ender. So when you think, you know, one thing we do in our house is we use, an, a program called Custodio, spelled Q, and it essentially sets time limits. And so we're giving our children, some degree of choice. You know, you you have 30 minutes, 45 minutes, an hour. Whatever you have, I want to top it up.

00;13;56;10 - 00;14;17;21
Paul Sullivan
And then you can go through and you can block all kinds of, you know, we don't have they don't have TikTok. They have limited access to certain things. And that we did that because I got tired, quite frankly, of having the same conversation again and again. And so now it's like, yeah, look, this is life. Like at some point you'll have a some amount of money and you'll have to figure out how to budget it and spend it.

00;14;17;22 - 00;14;33;15
Paul Sullivan
Now you have some amount of time to do it. But but when you're talking to, you know, some of the fathers that come in to begin again for, for instance, for, for treatment or some of the fathers that you just speaking to when you're out and about. Yeah. How do you help them have that conversation that is beyond the technical?

00;14;33;15 - 00;14;45;14
Paul Sullivan
Okay. You get the best software, the best hard work. Right. But now you have to talk about why, you know, getting in trouble by riding a bike too late is actually, a good thing. You want to be outside. How does that happen? How's that conversation, sir?

00;14;45;16 - 00;15;15;13
Ed Tilton
I mean, I, I think it's the earlier the better is first and foremost. But the second thing is evaluating, like your relationship to technology, right? It's it's always going to be a hard conversation when you say don't do this, but then I'm going to do this, right. One of the, one of the ways because ultimately, what you're doing is, is you're providing authentic connection that will win out over technology.

00;15;15;15 - 00;15;45;15
Ed Tilton
If you're if you're following through. Right. That's that's a that's my belief. That's what I built. That's what I hope for. And so like just quick peace is like one of them is kids are really good observers but they're poor interpreters like so that's step one, right? So one of the things I always tell dads to do is when you take your kids out, be intentional about what your screen time looks like.

00;15;45;17 - 00;15;47;05
Ed Tilton
And so like about.

00;15;47;10 - 00;15;50;19
Paul Sullivan
Your own personal screen time. You as the father. Yeah.

00;15;50;21 - 00;16;11;00
Ed Tilton
Right. You don't want to get them off the big screen to take your little screen with you and be on your little screen while they're out doing their thing. One of the things that that I remember vividly is we got my son into swim school, and the swim school, it was great, but, like, there was like this there was, there was a window.

00;16;11;00 - 00;16;29;05
Ed Tilton
You couldn't, you know, you couldn't, like, talk to your kids, but you see your kids and he was scared. So I would always be like, hey, like, I'm watching you, like you're okay, right? And so I ended up doing this thing, which made all the difference for me as a dad, which is I never brought my phone out.

00;16;29;07 - 00;16;33;23
Ed Tilton
Right. Because he would come out of the water and he'd look up and and you'd see these.

00;16;33;23 - 00;16;38;13
Paul Sullivan
Many of you were there and you were looking down on your phone at that moment when he looks up, you miss it? Yeah.

00;16;38;15 - 00;17;01;15
Ed Tilton
Yeah. It's a micro bid for connection. And so you extrapolate that out over time. It's not just swim school, but it's parks. It's, you know, it's it's plays. It's any kind of thing that the kids doing that's saying, hey, this is important to me. But if as a dad, you're on your phone, then what you're saying is like, that's great, but this is more whatever I'm doing is more important.

00;17;01;18 - 00;17;25;19
Ed Tilton
Yeah. So one, just being intentional about the use. Two if you haven't tried this, every dad should try this. And it's setting your screen to gray scale. If you Google like how to set your screen to grayscale. IPhones, androids. It's super easy, but your screen is designed like casinos to keep you engaged, right? It's bright lights.

00;17;25;19 - 00;17;49;08
Ed Tilton
It's it's vivid. And you actually have the ability to set the contrast. So it's all gray. And you will see an immediate difference in your desire to be on your phone once you set it to grayscale. So one is look at how you're using it to try to set some, try to change some settings so that it's not as enticing, to use.

00;17;49;08 - 00;18;12;14
Ed Tilton
And then three, in the event that you have to use your phone during a particular time, one is is really make sure that it's that you have to do it right, that it's not it's not, you know, you escaping or detaching from your relationship. But two is like, narrate to your kid what you're doing. Yeah, right. So your kid understands.

00;18;12;14 - 00;18;40;06
Ed Tilton
Like my kid understands like he understands two things. Video games and videos happen on dad's phone. And so if he sees me sending an email for work, all he sees me doing is this right is just looking like I'm playing a video game. So he wants to play the video game, as opposed to me saying and sitting down with him and saying, hey, I have to send an email real quick, you know, 30s I send the email, phone goes back away.

00;18;40;09 - 00;18;45;27
Ed Tilton
It really that's what I mean when I say kids are really good observers, but they're poor interpreters.

00;18;46;02 - 00;19;04;05
Paul Sullivan
That's so good. And I don't want the listeners to feel like they get cheated. Because quite honestly, that was my third question. And we kind of went into it because, you know, we have at our house, we have Screen Free Sunday. And so my wife and I, you know, we both work during but we try to really abide by it on Sundays.

00;19;04;07 - 00;19;21;23
Paul Sullivan
And we're hard on our kids if they don't. But, you know, parents check. You know, sometimes I've checked the phone out of necessity, but we do fortunate they. I guess you're making me feel better about myself, that this is an even better podcast than I thought. But we sort of do exactly what you said, and we kind of break that fourth wall.

00;19;21;23 - 00;19;37;29
Paul Sullivan
And like we I am right now, I am sorry, I have to step away. We don't have any phones at dinner. I'm sorry. I have to step away. This is a call that I've been waiting for. Or they'll also see us. Somebody will call and we'll put them into voicemail. And we'll put it down like this is time, right?

00;19;38;01 - 00;19;56;03
Paul Sullivan
It shouldn't, you know, as I often say, like if you're having a meeting with the most important person you want to meet that day, you don't then cut that meeting short because the second most important person calls you. You say, okay, and but, you know, very much like you said, when we have to do something, we break that fourth wall and we, you know, narrate it.

00;19;56;03 - 00;20;17;14
Paul Sullivan
And you're absolutely right. The observer part and the interpreter part, I put it in a different term because I think our kids are hypocrisy seeking missiles. Like if they see us say one thing and do the other and like, well, you told me this and even something like that, like at one point today I dropped my, my youngest daughter didn't have school because a parent teacher conferences and the other two had to go.

00;20;17;16 - 00;20;35;04
Paul Sullivan
So she came with us and the girl said, you know, why are you taking her for a Starbucks drink afterwards? And I said, because I've, I've, I've started to play favorites and I'm going to be unfair today. Like, what are you talking about? I was like, because I took you two days ago and she wasn't here. And so now I'm taking her and.

00;20;35;10 - 00;20;37;03
Ed Tilton
Yeah, know that.

00;20;37;06 - 00;20;45;29
Paul Sullivan
That's at the heart of that question. Like, are you playing favorites? Is this somehow not fair? And so we narrate it. And then we all laugh about it.

00;20;46;01 - 00;21;05;12
Ed Tilton
Yeah. And I think it's, it's as important to share what's going on in your world within reason with your kids. You know, like, we want our kids to, to do well in school. We want them to be proud of the work that we're doing. You know, I definitely told my kids about this podcast and how excited I was to be on it.

00;21;05;12 - 00;21;28;11
Ed Tilton
And, you know, when they when they came out last night, I was working on, you know, some of the questions. It's like, this is dad's really excited about this. And then also making sure like when we have dinner, like you said, like there are no phones and I 100% guarantee the kids are going to ask about the podcast and we get to be excited and say, hey, this is something we're celebrating, right?

00;21;28;14 - 00;21;47;29
Ed Tilton
Sometimes screens can be good as long as we're using them as tools, but when we're using them in replace of people or in replace of relationships, that's when it can be harmful. Because needs needs, especially for kids and how they view safety can be tricky, right?

00;21;48;01 - 00;22;06;16
Paul Sullivan
That's great question for you know, Jared talked about, you know, fathers protecting their children from harmful online exposure and gone through some great responses. But how do you help fathers protect themselves from harmful online exposure.

00;22;06;19 - 00;22;39;15
Ed Tilton
Yeah I mean, this is this is honestly one of the things that that often happens, with the guys that we treat, you know, they they can oftentimes it finds itself in isolation. It finds itself in routine or boredom. And lack of connection. So really like step one is, is getting honest with yourself, right.

00;22;39;18 - 00;22;50;16
Ed Tilton
Are these are these things that I'm doing things that I would be okay if somebody saw my browser history. Right. Are these, you know, if my 20.

00;22;50;16 - 00;22;55;11
Paul Sullivan
The 2024 Masters I'm okay. If they see me doing the 2024 Masters, I got that, you know.

00;22;55;12 - 00;23;26;22
Ed Tilton
Yeah. And you know, for, for a lot of for a lot of, for a lot of dads that struggle with this. It's a, it's a pet behavior that has like grown into a monster. This is something that really sadly started at a much younger age. And it started out of the, out of a desire to, to self-soothe, to feel connection and, and sadly enough, often out of trauma.

00;23;26;25 - 00;23;59;22
Ed Tilton
So whether it's, you know, sexual abuse or, or, or other traumatic injuries related to vacancy and violations, guys will seek out ways to, to make connection even if it's false, you know, similarly guys will. And I'm saying guys because we're talking about dads. But humans will seek out, you know, a connection to alcohol or they'll seek out a connection to gambling, or they'll seek out a connection to shopping.

00;23;59;25 - 00;24;42;05
Ed Tilton
We just happen to work in the space of intimacy disorders. So ultimately, what's happened over the last really 20 years is people have started in the age of magazines in terms of, of graphic images and, or adult images. And then it's morphed into dial up internet, high speed internet, virtual reality, AI. And so it's it's similar to saying, you know, if we put it in a substance world, somebody started out, you know, drinking three, two beer and then they just kept drinking stronger and stronger and stronger things.

00;24;42;07 - 00;25;05;22
Ed Tilton
You know, and that's when we're talking about the dopamine that, that you're getting from some of these new websites. It's not even the same. It's not even the same images. And sadly enough, the way that the brain works is when images interact and move, the brain thinks that you're really there. That's why video games are so incredibly addictive.

00;25;05;22 - 00;25;31;06
Ed Tilton
Because it's a call. You know, when I'm playing Call of Duty, I think I'm really, you know, I'm really engaged in these things. Similarly, when when guys are viewing pornography, they really their brain is saying sending signals to their body saying, hey, we're really we're really doing these things. And ultimately what that ends up doing is it ends up creating a buffer between you and the real connections.

00;25;31;08 - 00;26;04;09
Ed Tilton
Because the the dopamine and serotonin levels that you're getting out of those hits of interaction aren't the same as your connections with your kids or your wife. And so, sadly enough, what those images and industry does is it gets the best of you and it leaves the rest of you for everybody else. And so that really is what we're trying to do in that begin again is really restore the intimacy that men can have with themselves.

00;26;04;16 - 00;26;16;25
Ed Tilton
So they can then have that intimacy with their kids, with their community, with their partners, and ultimately be able to move forward in, in honesty and integrity.

00;26;16;28 - 00;26;51;26
Paul Sullivan
Us question five how do healthy digital habits established today, you know, directly influence our children's, you know, future capacity for some of the things we've been talking about here emotional intimacy, relationships and overall you know, emotional health. Like we can all intuitive but but lay it out how, you know, essentially it's like, the digital foundation, how that foundation carries forward, into the future and how, I guess the flip side of that, when that that foundation is, is shaky, what problems it might cause down the road.

00;26;51;28 - 00;27;20;11
Ed Tilton
Yeah. I mean, so I mean, you you alluded to a little bit of it earlier, which is, you know, being able to have a healthy understanding or a healthy relationship with, with anything ultimately lends you to have a better, a better outlook of, of your relationship with it later on in life. If if I understand how to save money, then I'm going to be more financially stable in the future.

00;27;20;11 - 00;27;54;14
Ed Tilton
If I have a good understanding of food, I'm going to have better fiscal health in the future. The the digital screen is one that's that's interesting because we feel like that there's a connection to to us with it differently than we we view other other pieces. But ultimately, like most of the relationships, almost all the relationships that we see that come in for treatment, they started at a very young age and it grew into something larger.

00;27;54;16 - 00;28;21;08
Ed Tilton
So being able to help your children today actually allows for them to be in authentic relationships in the future and have better relationships for their kids. You know, I begin again. We talk about legacy a lot, you know, and what's the legacy that you want to want to leave and how do you start leave living that legacy today?

00;28;21;10 - 00;29;12;05
Ed Tilton
Because ultimately I, you know, I have a six year old son. I've seen Wally like every other dad that has a six year old son. And, you know, the people in Wally are only connected to screens. They've forgotten how to walk. They have zero bone density. Yeah. And you know, the while I believe that we'll always be able to get some version of technology in our life, choice is really what we're trying to give our kids, you know, and and being able to say, I choose to engage in this, but what you said, which is so important, is like, but I choose to invest in my family on Sundays or I choose to, you

00;29;12;05 - 00;29;47;12
Ed Tilton
know, show value and human connection. What I can tell you, 1,000% is true is that your ability to demonstrate attunement and healthy attachment with your kids cannot be done on a screen. When your kid falls and it's and it's and it's crying, there's a thing called co regulation where you're telling your kid through your eyes or your physical touch, you know, through being able to mirror that like you're okay.

00;29;47;15 - 00;30;22;25
Ed Tilton
Right. And that can't be done with technology. Equally as important is the ability to co regulate is something that humans need. So as you go throughout your day or as you get older when people have upsetting, you know, upsetting days or upsetting moments, we're able to teach our kids when they're little is how to co regulate so that they're emotionally in tuned when they're adults, so that they're more equipped to be in relationships, to have better futures.

00;30;22;27 - 00;30;26;10
Ed Tilton
The sad reality is we're just equipping them to be good humans.

00;30;26;13 - 00;30;27;15
Paul Sullivan
Right.

00;30;27;18 - 00;30;32;14
Ed Tilton
But the competing piece to that is.

00;30;32;17 - 00;30;48;21
Ed Tilton
It's one dimensional. It's a one dimensional digital space that offers no connection, only instant gratification. And, and and ultimately isolation.

00;30;48;23 - 00;31;03;03
Paul Sullivan
So much good stuff here. Ed, thank you for being a guest today on the Company Dad podcast. Ed Tilton, president of the Begin Again Institute, thoroughly enjoyed our chat today. Thank you so much.

00;31;03;05 - 00;31;05;14
Ed Tilton
Thanks, Paul.

00;31;05;16 - 00;31;23;10
Paul Sullivan
Thank you for listening to another episode of the Company Dads podcast. Really appreciate you tuning in week after week. Want to use this moment here to thank the people who make it possible? Number one of course held are mirror who is our podcast editor. We also have Skip Terry home to many of you know from lead Diaries.

00;31;23;10 - 00;31;46;14
Paul Sullivan
He's taken over our social media. Terry Brennan is helping us with our audience development. And Emily Servant is there, each and every day helping with the web development akin to any of this without, an amazing board, of advisors. So I just want to say thank you to all of you who help. And I want to say thank you to everyone who listens.

00;31;46;14 - 00;31;49;27
Paul Sullivan
And, hopefully you'll tune in again next week. Thanks so much.