Pause: The Power of Pause: Techniques for Reducing Stress and Anxiety [Pause 64]

Welcome to a calming episode of “I Thought I Was Over This,” where Dr. Kimber, a licensed clinical psychologist and somatic experiencing practitioner, guides us through a gentle journey of grounding and regulation. 

In this episode, Dr. Kimber invites listeners to settle in, become aware of their environment, and practice mindful breathing and self-soothing techniques designed to reset the nervous system. 

She shares insights from psychological research—including the principles of dual awareness and polyvagal theory—helping us recognize how our bodies respond to stress and how we can gently return to a state of ease. 

We’re treated to a reflective reading of the poem “The Work of Happiness” by May Sarton, weaving together themes of presence, growth, and inner peace. 

Whether you’re looking to slow down, re-center, or simply cultivate more happiness in your day, this episode offers a thoughtful space for self-care and renewal.

Check out past episodes and more information here: https://www.drkimber.net/podcast-info

Please remember that this podcast is not a replacement for treatment by a healthcare or mental health professional. This content is created for education and entertainment purposes only.

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Music licensed from http://www.purple-planet.com

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About My Work: https://www.drkimber.net

Fierce Gentle Community: https://www.drkimber.net/fierce-gentle

Book: Still: Making A Whole When Parts Go Missing

Transcript

0:01

Welcome to an episode of Pause where we really practice getting grounded and regulated. I just invite you in this moment to take the tongue off the roof of your mouth, soften your eyes, soften your forehead and soften your hands. I am Dr. Kimber, a licensed clinical psychologist. And I am also a somatic experiencing practitioner with the biggest passion to help you find more ease in your life by showing up to your life exactly as it is with some slight adjustments. And one of the only ways I know how to adjust something is to do things differently so that your nervous system gets practice of doing different. Otherwise it will always revert back to what's familiar, what's comfortable, what's the norm. We have very, very efficient nervous systems and we are always going to find the path of least resistance. That's why we want to take some deep breaths. Even now in this moment, if we don't use that system, our deep breaths, then the fascia gets tighter. It's more uncomfortable to take deep breaths. As I go to yoga, I find the most uncomfortable thing for me are those 10 breaths at the beginning of class. It's like, ah, waking something up that feels so tight. So just settle in, find a place that's comfortable. And we're going to start out today with what I learned from Stephanie d' Angelo over at the Polyvagal Institute when I took their course last year. Using your environment. And I have always been a believer of dual awareness. We need dual awareness in psychology as we do work, right? Like two things that are true at the same time. I feel exhausted and I feel excited to eat this food that I just prepared. Like both things can be true. Well, what I've really learned from Stephanie is how we can use our environment to be stable enough right now here. And so I want to invite you to just look around where you are, even if you're not indoors, take a look around. What do you notice? What do you see? Allow your eyes to wander. When we are in fight or flight, we get stiffer. We actually don't look around as much. We can get tunnel vision. Dr. Barbara Fredrickson has research around, brought her positive emotion research, which is called Broaden and build. And what they have found is that literally, if you are in a better mood, a good mood, your eyes take in more around you than if you are experiencing what we might call negative emotions. Could be depression, could be anger, could be stress, anxiety in that sense, right. Those aren't true emotions. But when our body is feeling those things, what they found was that a person is less likely in their research labs to look at other pictures. They will only look at the. The center picture versus someone who's coming in with a better mood is more likely to look at the variations of pictures. They're all she shows in one of her talks. All these babies on a slide, and they're variations. They're doing different things. They're different babies. And when you come in in a place where your system has access to something good, something more regulated, we call that in polyvagal, your ventral vagal, your social engagement system is activated. You literally move your eyes more. And so here we are. Just doesn't matter what mood you're in. We are mindfully moving around your space, moving our neck, moving our head, inviting the rest of our system to get on board, to say, hey, it's cool, we're safe. Let's look around. Let's look around to see if we're safe. What are you taking in? Versus the assumption that there's a threat. An assumption that the overwhelm that you're feeling can't go away. So I invite you to look up. If you're inside, notice the ceiling. If you're outside, notice the sky and how nothing's falling on you. We notice the wall connected to the ceiling, connected to the floor. And see if you can feel in your body that you, in this moment, are being protected from any of the elements. And if you're outside, you're having a choice of being outside. Notice what's around you, how in this moment, you are safe. Now, take your eyes and move from left to right, naming objects, colors, textures, whatever you want. And if you are coming from a very busy space right now, your mind is racing. You find yourself listening to this podcast because you need a reset. Just notice your mind will have you move faster. I want you to again, take the tongue off the roof of your mouth, soften your eyes. And now slow down the pace, slow it down, take in. And maybe you're in the opposite place. You're having a hard time waking your mind up, finding energy. You're so burnt out. I want to invite you, speed it up, take it in a little faster. Right? You know I'm not inside your body through the gift of podcasting. I'm not even physically with you. So what does your body need today? Are you revving up or are you needing to put on the brakes a little bit? Slow down. And now, if you haven't done so, move from right to left, continuing to take in. There's so many layers of what you can look at notice, even if you're just in a room that has paint, notice the wall, notice the textures. And if you haven't done so, look behind you, look up, look down. And then once again, let's notice the ceiling connected to the wall connected to the floor. And then if it feels good, invite you to just take your hand and give yourself a little massage. Maybe you've been holding your phone, so massaging your forearms a little bit. Maybe your upper bicep needs some love. Maybe your shoulders need some love. Not too hard, not too hasty. Give. See what your body needs right now. Giving it a little love, a little attention. And then I invite you to just notice your breath moving in and out of your body. And I think one of the best ways, the easiest ways to track it is in and out of your nostrils, if your nose is allowing that. Otherwise, of course, breathe through your mouth. Again, you know your body, I don't. So you're in charge, can override anything that I'm saying. So let's just ask your mind to come right there at the nostrils. And let's notice the temperature of the air as you breathe in and the temperature of the air as you breathe out. Continue to soften your jaw. When we are stressed, it's one of the first things that tightens back up and it's normal. Your mind's going to wander off, you bring it back. That's the practice. This isn't about right or wrong. This is just training your mind to be present. So now let's move down as your breath moves in and out of your chest. Want to invite you to notice that. And now let's breathe deeper, filling your belly. Be gentle, no need to effort, but it may be uncomfortable if you're a really shallow breather, and that's okay. Discomfort is different than making yourself lightheaded or forcing something. Can you know your body. So now I want to read over you a poem by Mary Sartin called the Work of Happiness. And maybe if you want, I mean, you can just drift off, but if you'd like to see, do any phrases, words strike you, shimmer, whatever you want to call it, and you could possibly remember it, or if you want to write it, jot it down, write it down to think on it later. I'm a big, big fan of journaling. It's a tremendous help for untangling complicated feelings and negative feelings, actually. So the Work of Happiness by Mae Sartin. I thought of happiness, how it is woven out of the silence in the empty house each day and how it is not sudden and it is not given, but is creation itself like the growth of a tree. No one has seen it happen. But inside the bark another ring, another circle is growing in the expanding ring. No one has heard the root go deeper in the dark. But the tree is lifted by this inward work and its plumes shine and its leaves are glittering. So happiness is woven out of the peace of ours and strikes its roots deep in the house alone. The old chest in the corner, Cool waxed floors, white curtains softly and continually blown as the free air moves quietly about the room. A shelf of books, a table and the whitewashed wall. These are the dear familiar gods of home, and here the work of faith can best be done. The growing tree is green and musical. For what is happiness but growth in peace? The timeless sense of time when furniture has stood a lifespan in a single place. And as the air moves, so the old dreams stir the shining leaves of present happiness. No one has heard, thought or listened to a mind. But where people have lived in inwardness, the air is charged with blessing and does bless windows, look out on mountains and the walls are kind. I thought of happiness, how it is woven out of the silence in the empty house each day, and how it is not sudden and it is not given, but is creation itself like the growth of a tree. No one has seen it happen. But inside the bark another circle is growing in the expanding ring. No one has heard the root go deeper in the dark. But the tree is lifted by this inward work and its plumes shine and its leaves are glittering. So happiness is woven out of the peace of ours and strikes its roots deep in the house alone. The old chest in the corner, Cool waxed floors, white curtains softly and continually blown as the free air moves quietly about the room. A shelf of books, a table and the whitewashed wall. These are all. These are the dear familiar gods of home. And here the work of faith can best be done. The growing tree is green and musical. For what is happiness but growth in peace? The timeless sense of time, when furniture has stood a life's span in a single place, and as the air moves, so the old dreams stir the shining leaves of present happiness. No one has heard, thought or listened to a mind. But where people have lived in inwardness, the air is charged with blessing and does bless Windows, look out on mountains and the walls are kind. That's what you're doing here in this moment, working on your own silence, resetting your day. No one has seen you do this. Or if you're out and about no one knows what you're doing. It's the hard work of recentering, of recasting your energy. If you have stress, anxiety, anger, sense of injustice coming out of you, it needs a place to go. One of the hardest things to do is to stop and reset before that unleashes. Maybe you're used to the opposite. It's hard to get going. It's hard to speak your mind. It's hard to even know what your mind is saying. And yet here you are, listening to the words, asking your mind to follow along with my voice, exercising it, doing something that's not of your will. This is the work, my friend, and it's been so good to be with you today. If you'd like more of this, I have a community called Fierce Gentle, where every week we get together to practice regulation, but also to learn about the nervous system, about what happens inside. To have roadmaps and also to connect. The struggle is real, my friends. Maturity is real. Maturity is hard work. Such hard work. You can find that information@fiercegentle.com f I e r c e g-e n t l e.com it's good to be with you. Until next time.