Pause: Notice, Name, Change: Building Capacity for Uncertainty and Overwhelm [Pause 69]

Welcome to another episode of I Thought I Was Over This with Dr. Kimber.

In this episode, Dr. Kimber invites you to pause and build your capacity to face whatever life is offering you right now. Whether you're moving through overwhelm, racing through your days, or simply curious about befriending your nervous system, this pause is for you.

She guides you through gentle, embodied practices to help you arrive fully in the present moment—from softening the tension held in your forehead, jaw, and hands, to feeling your feet on the ground and wiggling your toes. Dr. Kimber shares the power of the extended exhale, a simple breathwork practice that signals safety to your body, and introduces the soothing VOO breath from Dr. Peter Levine's Somatic Experiencing Theory.

You'll discover why naming what's happening in your body and mind is the gateway to transformation, and how even small shifts—like deepening your breath at a busy event or journaling to release what's weighing on you—can recalibrate your entire stress response.

Dr. Kimber also shares personal stories about navigating stress at world championships and learning to read her body's signals with compassion and curiosity.

The episode closes with Wendell Berry's poignant reminder: "It may be that when we no longer know what to do, we have come to our real work." Tune in for a tender, practical episode that meets you exactly where you are and invites you to meet yourself with the same grace.

Check out past episodes and more information here: https://www.drkimber.net/podcast-info

Please remember that this podcast is not a replacement for treatment by a healthcare or mental health professional.  This content is created for education and entertainment purposes only.

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Fierce Gentle Community: https://www.drkimber.net/fierce-gentle

Book: Still: Making A Whole When Parts Go Missing

Transcript

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Foreign. Welcome to I thought I was over this pause. In these episodes, we help you get regulated. We help you build capacity to be able to face whatever is in your life right now. I am Dr. Kimber. I am a somatic experiencing practitioner, a licensed clinical psychologist, and I love helping people get present. So I want to invite you in this moment. Look around. I know your mind knows where you are, but just take a moment, notice what's around you. Notice objects, colors, textures. And if you are really racing right now, if you are on the go, go, go, chances are you're looking quite rapidly. So as I bring this to your attention, I invite you to slow down and hang out with something you're seeing, even if it's a color. Bring to mind what other things are that color or a shape? Does the shape have texture? And now I want to invite you to soften your forehead. So we soften our eyes. We carry stress in this area. And if it's hard for you to soften those areas, I invite you to take two. Two fingers and just gently touch that area. Massage that area. Oh, I had a facial this weekend. Oh, my goodness. Talk about getting connected to the ventral vagal system. Just lots of your face holds lots of social engagement nerves. And so in this moment, you're inviting your whole face to soften. You can take the tongue off the roof of your mouth. That is a place we also hold stress. One way to do that is by creating a gap between your top teeth and your bottom teeth and placing your tongue in the back of your top teeth and just make your tongue a little bit heavy. See what happens when you do that and soften your hands. These three areas, our forehead, our jaw, our hands. They are definitely places that we store stress, and they can easily be attended to. And when we can notice them, we can relax them, which is really helpful when I work with anyone in my practice who has had an incident with a car, and chances are you're gripping your steering wheel. So we just, with that awareness, soften your hands, because your body is carrying this stress. It's carrying this alertness, this expectation. So if we can realize that, oh, I had an incident, so my body's gonna be on alert, it's gonna be anticipating what danger is next. So let me soften. Let me take the tongue off the roof of my mouth, and when I'm driving, let me make sure that my forehead is softened so that then that helps me know, okay, I'm just present. I call it kind of calm alertness rather than being hypervigilant. Or anticipating. Anticipating danger. Right. We just want alertness. Calm alertness is the best because then we can respond as we need to. So if you're listening to this podcast, chances are you are navigating something stressful. Things that are unfamiliar, uncertain are all stress to our body. Maybe you're here because you're curious about nervous system work. And so welcome. And I hope that here you find tools to help you feel more grounded. So this podcast really explores how do we practice getting more grounded? And one of the things we do is we take a time, just in the beginning, to really notice your body again. Your mind knows where you're at, knows if you're walking, driving, folding laundry, cooking dinner, whatever you're doing, your mind knows it. But it takes a moment for your nervous system to realize what you're doing. And I notice my voice. I have had. I've been two weeks with either allergies or sickness. I'm not sure. So this is the best my voice is. Has sounded in two weeks. But it's a little crinkly. So if you've been following me for a while, you might notice that. Crackly, maybe that's the word I'm more looking for. So let's just take a moment to settle. Notice your feet on the ground, wiggling your toes, noticing your big toe, your little toe, your outer heel and your inner heel. And on your other foot, noticing your big toe, your little toe, your outer heel and your inner heel. And as you notice that, see what happens. If you can just relax the cells, can you make your feet feel heavier, making more contact with whatever is below you? And now can you notice another part that's touching the ground? Maybe you're sitting. Noticing your sits bones. Noticing the back of your thighs again, see if you can make your body feel more weighted. And then let's take a moment to have a longer exhale. This invites our body to feel into the parasympathetic kind of that rest state, that state that can happen when we're in safety. So I want to invite you to take a four count in and let's do a six count out. And then we'll increase it to an eight count. So inhale, two, three, four. And exhale, two, three, four, five, six. Inhale, two, three, four dot Exhale, two, three, 4, 4, 5, 6. Inhale, 2, 3, 4. Exhale, 2, 3,4, 5, 6, 7, 8. Last time. Inhale, 2,3,4, 8. Exhale, 2,3, 4, 5, 6,7, 8. And then just let your body breathe normally. And if you find yourself Settling a little more. You could take a deeper breath. That's natural. Maybe you have a little bit of lightheadedness, tingling. Those are all normal if you've been carrying tension. So this episode, I would love to talk about something that we talk about over in the Fierce, Gentle Community, which is our weekly group that is practicing building our awareness. Because anything that we can name, we can change, we can recognize. And that's really in the psychology of things. We have to be able to build awareness. Otherwise we are really operating in our unconscious. We're operating in kind of automatic. And it's pretty much impossible to change something like that, because how can we change? It's like asking a fish to describe what you know. It's just what your body does when you don't have any awareness of what it's doing. So we've been talking about the notice practice, and in the notice practice, it's a series of, I guess you would say, prompts that have you identifying, where are you in this moment? And the N in this practice is naming. So ultimately, if you can name something like I just said, then we can change it, but we can use it in our daily life. Just when I described the car incident, right? You can name, oh, my body feels anxious when I know I'm going to go drive. You know, earlier this year, our son had an incident. And my whole thing is, hey, let's take some deep breaths before you even go out the door. And then what I want you to know is your body is automatically going to breathe more shallow where you are at. Because unless you think about it, because it's aware, our body keeps the score, right? The great textbook by Bessel van der Kolk. Our body is carrying with it the wisdom of what has happened in the past. And so when we can name something like he did, hey, I'm feeling anxious, then we can alter it. And so that's why in the notice practice, naming is first. And that's what I want you to do right now. Name. What is it right now that you're feeling? What are you feeling? Or maybe you want to go to what is your body feeling right now? Maybe you didn't even notice that your tongue was stuck up against the roof of your mouth. But when I brought attention to it, you're like, oh, my goodness, it's living up there. Someone said the other day, it's like going up to my brain, right? So now you're like, ah, wow. Now I notice. Okay, now I notice my jaw is tight. See, when we can name it Notice it then. Now maybe you want to massage that area, if that's you. Or maybe there's something that you're really worried about and it keeps like, going on in your mind, your thoughts are racing. So what happens if in this moment, you can trust? When I'm in a regulated place, I'm going to be able to solve that problem or have a new idea. Can you imagine setting it down just right now? Take it, pluck it. You can even take your hand up to your head, pluck it out and set it beside you. And what happens? Maybe you keep thinking about a mistake that you've made, right? What would happen in this moment if you could forgive yourself that you made a mistake or encourage yourself for trying, or encourage yourself that now you know you can do better, right? There's something when you notice what you did and you can acknowledge it, knowing you want to do something better. That's growth, that's improvement, that's goodness. Don't get stuck on what you did. So many things can be repaired. So see what happens? See what happens when you notice these things, when you can name what, what's happening. I use this technique. I've told this story before on here, but I was at my son's robotics tournament, the first competition of the year. And I have an OURA ring. And at the end of the day, my OURA ring told me I had been stressed for six hours. And I was like, what? I was sitting in a gym full of lots of people, lots of noise. But stress is not what I would consider myself as having experienced. I mean, of course they're three minute, you know, when they're getting up to compete. But I think at the most we compete three or four times for three minutes. So that is, does not translate to six hours of stress. But when I reflected, okay, let's see what needs to change. My OURA ring was picking up something and it wasn't excitement, because sometimes stress can be seen as excitement. I'm sorry, Excitement can be seen as stress on our OURA ring because when we're anticipating anytime I'm at a concert, oh my gosh, my OURA ring is like, you're stressed? Like, no, I'm having so much fun. But I also know that wasn't the case for that because I was, I was doing the tedious job in between matches of like cleaning out my Google Drive and erasing a whole bunch of stuff on my old computer. And so that was definitely not excitement, but what I was able to do. Then when I went back, I Noticed. Okay. One of the ways our heart rate goes up, the most popular way is we're shallow breathing, right? We're not breathing deeply. So then I next day go back to the competition and the only thing I change is noticing my breath and I'm making sure that I'm breathing deeper. I'm not talking like an eight count out. I mean that would be hard to maintain. But every time I thought of my breath, I just took a deeper exhale and fast forward to the end. At the world championships, my OURA ring registered with 20,000 people in the room that I had had an hour and a half of restoration. And all I changed in those early competitions was my breath. And as time went on, I didn't even have to think about it. I really just automatically did that. So when you can name something for me, it was, ah, I must have been breathing shallowly. That's what I'm going to go with first, then I can change it. So is there anything in your life that you want to attend to and that by naming it you can help yourself? Maybe in this moment you feel overwhelmed, maybe you're in freeze. Well, when we're in those places, it's all consuming. We're all kind of in this self protection mode. So all of us together, I want you to look from left to right and let's just scan where you are. Of course, only if it's safe, meaning like you're not driving right. So look and then notice name colors, name shapes. But there's something about looking around the room from left to right and going all the way behind you and then all the way from right to left that really helps your system get more grounded and ease out of freeze. So let's just do that. Let's just all of us allow our environment to ground us even further. So if your tongue is up on the roof of your mouth, soften it, soften your eyes. And let's take a look. What are those things? I'm recording this in the month of October and I have all my Halloween decorations. So I'm seeing my spiders, my gold skull, my spider webs. I'm seeing windows, locks on windows, seeing a hawk, trees, curtains. And as I make my way behind me, I want you to look up and look down and keep coming around from right to left, right. And this, this doesn't change your situation, but what you're asking yourself to do is to allow your environment right now to be safe enough, right, to be safe enough for you to revisit whatever is coming up. I know I've talked about this before, but when we're overwhelmed. When we're overwhelmed, journaling, writing can be so helpful. So helpful. Just there's lots of research. I'm not going to name it all. You can easily look it up. But when we're in kind of this overwhelmed situation, just getting it down, keeping that pen moving across the page, yes, it is better to write it than type it. There's something that happens in our brain chemistry that's helpful, but you can use a computer if that's what you want. Even saying it out loud, getting it out of your head, is so helpful. And I want to read this to you. It's Wendell Berry's poem. Our Real work. Our real work. And it's just a reminder that when we have lost our way, that might be our real journey. And so reorienting, naming. I'm overwhelmed. How can I reframe this moment so that I can lean into it a little more? So let me read this. Our real work. It may be that when we no longer know what to do, we have come to our real work. And that when we no longer know which way to go, we have come to our real journey. The mind that is not baffled is not employed. The impeded stream is the one that sings. I'm going to read it again. It may be that when we no longer know what to do, we have come to our real work. And that when we no longer know which way to go, we have come to our real journey. The mind that is not baffled is not employed. The impeded stream is the one that sings. The impeded string is the one that sings. Right. What a way to look at your uncertainty, your unknowing, your overwhelm. Right. There's something about it that's possibly your real journey right now. Well, it's been good to be with you. And let's just end on one of my favorite practices, which is the VU breath. It's a breath that was developed by Dr. Peter Levine, and he founded Somatic Experiencing. And if you haven't done this before, it's a breath where when we exhale, we make a V of V with our mouth, and then we make an OO sound. We push the air to the back of the throat so that it sounds like an oo. So when you think of, like a motorboat, you know, when you're making the sound of a motorboat or like a loud car, you know, V think that. And then as you do that, you're going to push the air to the back of your throat. So let's do three breaths. Everyone's breath is different, so just use your own breath. No comparing here. And one of the important things is just try to soften your jaw as you push that air to the back of your throat. Don't strain, just try to allow it to come so that you can vibrate your organs, which helps you feel safe. So here we go. Inhale v last one and then let it settle. It has been a joy to be with you. Remember you are a sacred being and you matter. If you would like to find out more ways to regulate please join me over on my website drkimber.net Dr. K I M B E R.net I respect your inbox as well as want to let you know what is coming, becoming available for free or something that is in a community. So we have our fierce gentle community every Wednesday and if you are feeling dysregulated and that you need to find some ways to get grounded I hope you will visit us and join us. All right, until next time take care.