Moving Through Stress: Nature, Breath, and Noticing in the Healing Journey [Pause 71]

In this episode, Dr. Kimber invites listeners to explore the cycles of stress and healing that accompany personal growth. 

This episode offers grounding exercises and practical tools for recognizing and responding to stress—whether you tend to fight, flee, freeze, or fawn. 

Dr. Kimber shares insights on the importance of developing self-awareness around your unique stress signals, while also advocating for a compassionate approach to both ourselves and those we support. 

The episode features somatic grounding practices, advice for managing ongoing stress, and reflections on the role of nature in regulation. Listeners are also encouraged to join upcoming community workshops and retreats focused on embodiment and nervous system regulation. 

The episode closes with a Mary Oliver poem, The Loon, offering a gentle invitation into the restorative power of simply being.

Check out past episodes and more information here: https://www.drkimber.net/podcast-info

Please remember that this podcast is not a replacement for treatment by a healthcare or mental health professional.  This content is created for education and entertainment purposes only.

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Book: Still: Making A Whole When Parts Go Missing

Transcript

0:06

Welcome to I thought I was over this. I am so glad that you're here. I'm Dr. Kimber, a licensed clinical psychologist. I'm a somatic experiencing practitioner. And I am someone who in many moments of my life, many seasons, will have that thought. I thought I was over this. And yet here is a dynamic or here is a part of my personality that I thought I got rid of. Okay, maybe I thought I may have healed and that it wouldn't show up again or that I had lost it. And, you know, I think different seasons come into our lives and we reacquaint ourselves with different parts of ourselves. So regardless of the space that you may find yourself, I'm so glad that you're here. And I am hoping together we will find more ease, more grace for both yourself and others, and that we can really focus on a type of healing that isn't just insight. I think, you know, that's one of my goals with this podcast is it's not just to give you information, but it's to also invite you to get regulated in this moment while you're listening and to do to leave the podcast a little more regulated than you entered. And so let's just take a moment in this to soften your jaw by taking the tongue off the roof of your mouth and creating a slight gap between your top teeth and your bottom teeth. And maybe even like, you know, move your tongue around. Sometimes it can be hard to know how to soften your tongue, so just, just play with it. You can soften your eyes. Our eyes are a place we hold stress, we hold shame, overwhelm, defeat, joy, laughter. So let's just take a moment to pay attention to the eyes and when we soften them, just give a little bit of a nod to more of a parasympathetic, more of a I'm safe, more of a restorative posture. And that can be helpful. And if you can maybe look outside, if you're listening to this, even in your car, when it's safe, what do you see? What's your. What nature is around you? What birds? Nature is so such a gift to us. I know in the most devastating times of my life, the most stressful, overwhelming, there's something about going outside and just being in the elements, whatever they are this time of year. I fondly now look back. I did track in high school and I ran the 2 mile and the 1 mile and the 800 and the 400 for most of my track experience. And it was cold where I grew up in the Spring, it could snow in the first couple weeks of practice. And there was something about being dropped off six miles, eight miles from school and having to run back and just feeling so cold in that wind. But yet it gave me this deep appreciation for doing hard things, but also being able to be warm, being able to enjoy when something was really easy, when the wind wasn't in my face. I think sometimes when we do hard things, if we can just be present in the hardness, there is something really rewarding about getting to the other side of that. And so some, that's, you know, one of the invitations, I guess, is for some of you, over, overwhelm just feels like a way of life and high stress and just never catching a break or just feeling the weight of grief, despair like you, you can't get ahead or even feel like you're even maybe there's lots of ways that you feel like you're almost drowning. But take this moment now, take this moment and let's just enjoy your breath. Notice through no effort of your own, your body is breathing. You don't have to think about it. It's happening as well as gravity is happening. So just notice what happens if you allow yourself to really be supported by gravity. Your feet on the ground, whatever parts of you are making contact so that you can enjoy gravity. Maybe you're laying down. Just take a moment from head to toe, notice you don't have to work it being supported. Gravity's right there to hold you. And if you take this moment to have a longer exhale can help you feel more restorative. And as we get to, I want to, I want to talk to you a little bit about, about stress. But I also, before I get too far in, want to tell you this week, you know, if you're listening to this podcast, when it comes out this Saturday, I am having a nature workshop where we're going to use nature to regulate your nervous system. It's going to start at 8am Pacific Time. We're going to join together, going to give you a handout, some instruction. We're going to be together and then you're going to go out on your own. Explore whatever nature you have nearby. I live in urban urban environment, so I know how to do lots of urban things. So there is nature everywhere. Most likely you have sun, right? Or clouds, but the, the sun is warming you. So we'll end with a zoom session at 11am we'll be together for an hour so you can contact me to find out more information at Dr. Period K. I M B E R@doctor Kimber.net and my information is in the show notes. And then also coming up at the end of May is my fierce and gentle retreat where it is the fullest expression of getting embodied and getting away from your normal environment. Learning how to take up more space, learning how to release that which isn't serving you. And I am leading my retreat with my lovely sister in law Kennan Court, who is a licensed therapist. So we are going to be enjoying some play community, some amazing food, some nature, some cold plunging and some really honest conversations as well as what I like to call divine downloads. Just playing with free association and some writing. So today's episode, I told you last time that I had been going through a cybersecurity situation. And so I want to bring to you another cybersecurity safety tip and that is never save your device. I for me, I never save my device in a login situation. I always require it to log me in as if it's the first time. But maybe you feel like that is too extreme. I will say it really does not take that much time because what happens when you remember a device is then you kind of override a two factor authentication. And so I have actually way before this experience, I never saved that either. And I'm so glad that I didn't because that was already a safety feature that I had. So. But especially, especially with any credit cards or financial, you know, banking things. Don't save your device. Make it ask you every time as if you are a new device to log in that will that can help you. So let's talk about stress. Stress is something that is going to be present when you are living in a growth edge, when you are processing really difficult feelings, especially grief. You know, there's losses, lots of losses. It's not just death, but we have daily grief that you know, that's present and so that at times can take up so much emotional capacity that it can bring about stress in just doing your other everyday life. So I just want to name that for you. But stress is, I don't know, sometimes I think it gets a bad name. Especially for our children. If you have children, right, we, there's something about them being in stressful situations that potentially we want to rob them of learning how to navigate the stress. We want to take away the stress. We don't like it. If you're like me, you don't like to see your kids stressed out. I mean, I think that's one of the hardest things to coach myself in Is to not overstep. And that one of the gifts that I give my kids is when they are in stressful situations that I don't rescue them. I don't try to make it easier by anything other than my presence by saying, I am here, I'm here to support you. And you know, I can't do your homework for you, but I can really see you're overwhelmed. Would you like me to sit with you while I do some reading? Right. So at times I can just even offer my presence. But all of us have patterns in our bodies that, that signal uniquely to each of us that we're in stress. And one of the best ways that you can really help yourself in growth, in changing patterns and changing how you cope with stress is to become aware of what those patterns are. So one thing is thinking about, are you a fighter? Do you get activated? Do you mobilize in stress? Do you push back? Do you find those people that maybe you sense don't agree with you? Or where, you know, you can get a little fired up and have pushback? Are you a fleer in stress? Do you want to run the other way? Do you want to avoid? Do you want to. Save it for another day? Procrastinate? Right. So you're activated in a different way than a fighter. You're activating in a way that wants to run away. Or in stress, are you more likely to freeze and get immobilized, have really difficult time making decisions? Maybe you have brain fog. And even still there's another, like in stress, maybe we pull for other people to rescue us. You know, that can also be a coping strategy. Or we can in stress, in our own stress, we can neglect our own stressful situation by helping others sometimes, you know, like jump in someone else's stress pool and focus on them, which keeps us from dealing with the thing that is stressing us out, which can feel temporarily better, but obviously is not a very good, not a very effective coping strategy. So in this moment, I want you to think about, are you a fighter? Do you flee? Do you freeze? Do you distract yourself by focusing on other people? I mean, way back when we would call that codependent. Now, fawning can be an automatic response where we are again kind of focused on another person, automatically hoping secretly that they will help us once we help them. And as you notice which one you do, what can you imagine in this moment would help you tolerate stress before you did those things? Like when I was at ucla, I taught, I co led an anger management group. And in that group, this was back in the 2000, early 2000s. And back then, what we knew is that your body was sending signals that you were angry way before you knew you were actually angry consciously. Right? And so part of dealing with these, with stress is learning the signals sooner than you do now. Because if stress goes unacknowledged, well, it's gonna turn into overwhelm. And our hope, my hope for you is that we can tackle your stress and have it decrease, have it maybe feel more fun to do, right? Like, if I can get through a stressful thing with my favorite music, well, I haven't changed the stressful situation, but I've sure added something that I enjoy, which makes it easier to address. And so in the same way, right, like, what we would have to do is what are the signs that you're angry? And that would be the homework, you know, that would be, hey, let's like three weeks, let's really dive in to learn what are the first signals that come online as you are. As you're getting angry. Because these were people, you know, who had to be in this group. Because, you know, something went down. So in the same way, right, we want to. I want to help you build your capacity for stress, but what are your signs that stress is taking over your body? What are the signs that stress is there now? Stress is not overwhelmed, right? Overwhelm is like you've blown your top, like you've got nothing. You are flailing. Stress is below that, where you're not sure if you have the capacity to deal with it. You are kind of on the edge of, do I have the resources here? Can I ask for help? This is really stretching me. So some of the signs that can happen when you are in stress are difficult sleeping. Maybe you're getting too little sleep or you're waking up. You can fall asleep easily, but you wake up in the middle of the night. Maybe you're sleeping too long. You are one of those people that is more into immobilization. Maybe you get headaches. You start, your jaw is clenched, especially when you're sleeping. Maybe you have a chronic brow that is furrowed. I mean, something that can happen in stress is your ear gets tight. Maybe it feels full in there. You can have shoulders, tight shoulders, neck. Your heart feels like it's pounding out of your chest. Maybe your breathing is more shallow or you are holding your breath and you don't realize it. Sometimes you can be really hungry all the time or the opposite. You feel like you don't have an appetite. Maybe you feel restless, like, you gotta keep going, going, going, or the opposite, you feel lethargic, you can't do. You can't do anything. Or it's just a loss. You're at a loss for what to do. These are all signs that stress is present. And so one of the ways to navigate stress is to identify some things that help you carry your stress. When you are, like, doing something like this when you're listening to a podcast. Because when we're in stress, when stress has kind of taken over, it's very hard to think in the moment. It's not clear. So I actually have a list of things that help me when I'm in stress, especially if it's ongoing stress, so that I can just look at the list and then I can pick one. That's way easier than having to come up with a list all on my own. So some of the things that are on my list are dancing, I love to dance. And I have a playlist that I love to listen to and favorite songs that can even rotate. Right? So that's. That definitely works for me. Getting outside works for me. Even if I just go stand in my backyard and close my eyes and listen to the birds. And I live in Southern California, so I have the privilege of having it sunny most days and I can go outside. I can feel the sun. I also know journaling is really helpful for me. I know calling a friend and just talking it over. Notice I did not say texting about it. Texting rarely helps me. In fact, you know, there's some research out there that suggests sometimes texting increases anxiety levels. So get to know yourself in that way. Right. I mean, sometimes where I think a text could help is, hey, stressed out here and could use some support and. Or just want you to know so that I'm not here alone. And someone texting back saying, hey, I'm here. You know, call me when you're done with work, even knowing you have that, you know, again, those things. I don't mean to be rigid around texting, like, never text, but just be aware. Our goal here is to reduce your experience in your body of stress. So other things that help. Reading poetry out loud. I love doing that when I journal. I think it's important to not just journal about what is going wrong, what I'm stressed about. It's important to also identify what resources I may feel like, I have, even just the ability to write about it, the support that I feel. Because when our mind is more in fight or flight or freeze, we're Looking around for those things that are threats, and we don't see as much the support that we may have around us. So what works for you? What works for you? I just want to encourage you to start finding those things and just jot it down, right? Put it. Maybe there's an app on your phone that you like to use or a piece of paper that you could put somewhere that's easy to find. But just start having some ideas going. You know, going for a walk in your neighborhood can be helpful, especially if you start getting immobilized. Just activating your body can be helpful. Rocking back and forth, right, with or without music, just kind of soothing your body. So notice those things and take. Take time to write them down. So let's do a grounding exercise together. I do just encourage you, if your tongue is back up on the roof of your mouth, to just soften your jaw, Soften your hands, maybe take a moment to shake them out, loosen them up and go back and soften that. That place your eyes, your eyebrows, your forehead, that space in between. And if it's a really stressful time, maybe even overwhelming, I just invite you to just give some tenderness to your face. We have a lot of, like, nerves in our face and just, you know, give it some love. Can do a little massaging, Just lightly touching it, sending a cue. Hey, right now, in this moment, I am safe. Regardless of anything that's going on, in this moment, I am safe. This is your mental yoga moment. Keep your focus here right now and we're going to do the notice practice. We're going to name just noticing your body from your head all the way down to your toes. What muscles are comfortable, what muscles feel tight, Noticing your heartbeat, Just naming things. That's the N. Name them. Don't try to change them. Just name them. And then the O is observe it, Just witness it without judgment. Don't try to change it. So let's notice your breath. Let's observe your breath right now. If it's hard to track and your nose lets you just allow your breath to go in and out through your nose, noticing at the nostrils, the inhale and the exhale. Notice the temperature of the air as it moves in and out of your body. If it's easier for you to track, then just notice as the air goes in your chest, expand your lungs, expand your diaphragm. You can even put some tactile feedback there by putting a hand on your chest, a hand on your belly. So maybe you're observing my chest is tight and I'm barely breathing. We'll just stick with that, right? Don't go into why or this is bad. Just observe it. And then let's use our hands. The touch T. Let's use our hands. Rub your hands together. If your hands allow otherwise, rub a hand maybe on your thigh. See if you can get some heat there. If that feels like too much. Noticing your fingertips together. If you rub fingertip on fingertip or notice your feet pressing on the floor. And as you create warmth, if you're doing that with your hands, now move those hands, your palms to your chest. See what happens as you feel that warmth. And if you're using your feet, maybe wiggle your toes. And then we investigate. That's the I. Am I moving towards safety and a feeling of more connection to myself, less stress? Or am I moving towards shutdown? And as you investigate that, just adjust some things, right? Like if you're feeling a little more in shutdown, maybe, and your eyes are closed, open your eyes. Maybe you're moving quickly and you're getting really activated. What happens if you slow that movement down? And then the C is choosing. Choose one deliberate, intentional act of regulation. One thing that we. Let's do together. So if it feels okay for this to be your deliberate act, we're going to do a longer exhale. We're going to do three breaths, a four count in, an eight count out. So inhale 2, 3, 4. Exhale, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. Inhale, 2, 3, four. Exhale, 2, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Then inhale two, three, four. And exhale two, three, four, five, Six, seven, eight. And then breathe naturally. And check back in. Notice your body. Does it feel more settled, more connected to the chair, to the ground? And now that you have settled, is there a new perspective that might be available to you? And that's the E expand. Now that you're settled, is there something to be able to notice that expands your awareness, that helps you navigate your stress? And as you do that, just taking a moment of gratitude towards yourself for taking this time, for creating this space to get a little more regulated, to learn a little bit more about your system in stress? And it has been amazing to be with you. And I want to leave you with a poem. It's from Mary Oliver from her book Little Alleluias. And this is a poem that I've read in my fierce, gentle community. We are bird lovers. So this. This one is called the Loon. And it really is an invitation to be that in stress. Sometimes it's about clearing things away. Other times in stress, it's actually being. You know, you need a little more structure, you need a little more action. But this poem invites us into a posture of being and allowing being to be enough. So the loon not quite 4am when the rapture of being alive strikes me from sleep and I rise from the comfortable bed and go to another room where my books are lined up in their neat and colorful rows. How magical they are. I choose one and open it. Soon I have wandered in over the waves of the words to the Temple of Thought, and then I hear outside, over the actual waves, the small, perfect voice of the loon. He is also awake and with his heavy head uplifted, he calls out to the fading moon, to the pink flush swelling in the east that soon will become the long, reasonable day. Inside the house it is still dark except for the pool of lamp light in which I am sitting. I do not close the book, neither for a long while do I read on. It has been a joy to be with you. I hope to see some of you this Saturday for the nature workshop, and if you would like to get on my email list to hear about events, it again is in the show notes drkimberoctorkimber.net Be well. Remember you are a sacred being. Take care.