Pause: Finding Relaxation For Sleep And Other Moments [Pause 72]

Welcome to another calming pause episode of I Thought I Was Over This with your host, Dr. Kimber. In this special session, Dr. Kimber, a licensed clinical psychologist and somatic experiencing practitioner, guides listeners through practices designed to help regulate the nervous system, find grounding, and drift into a peaceful state of rest. 

Whether you’re preparing for sleep or seeking a moment of relaxation during a busy day, you’ll be gently invited to soften your jaw, ground yourself in the present, and release the tension you carry. With soothing breath exercises, poetic reflections by Wendell Berry and Jan Richardson, and mindful body awareness, Dr. Kimber offers a sanctuary for the mind and body, ensuring that you can reconnect with a sense of safety, calm, and self-compassion. Settle in, breathe deep, and allow yourself to rest.

Check out past episodes and more information here: https://www.drkimber.net/podcast-info

Please remember that this podcast is not a replacement for treatment by a healthcare or mental health professional.  This content is created for education and entertainment purposes only.

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Book: Still: Making A Whole When Parts Go Missing

Transcript

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Foreign. Was over this. This is a pause episode where we practice getting regulated and grounded. And today we are going to help you get into a very quiet, regulated state and for many of you, help you get to sleep. I'm Dr. Kimber Del Vallier. I am a licensed clinical psychologist, a somatic experiencing practitioner. And when I'm recording this episode, I still have space in my fierce and gentle way retreat. So please look at the show notes if you are interested in coming with me through an embodied experience of helping you release and heal what is no longer serving you to make space for the new. So today, as I mentioned, I want to help you get into a regulated space. So one of the ways that we do that is by taking the tongue off the roof of your mouth and softening your jaw by creating a gap between your top teeth and your bottom teeth. And it is very natural to put your tongue up against the roof of your mouth. It is a commonplace to hold your tongue. But when we start bringing awareness there, we can use it as a signal because when it feels like it's glued there, it can just reinforce stress versus when we can make it heavy and put it on the bottom of our mouth or maybe resting it slightly behind the top teeth, you know, we can play with it. Another thing is softening your eyes. By really allowing the eyes to rest in the eye socket, we can soften the forehead, even soften your cheeks and soften your hands. And if you're using this podcast, before you're going to sleep, I just invite you to notice the way that your bed, or maybe some of you are resting on the floor just supports you, that your whole being is supported. And if you're listening to it at a different time, just notice what is making contact beneath you, whether it be just your feet or you're sitting, allow yourself to rest into the gift of gravity. Right? If you were up in space, you would have to work to settle on the ground, to settle on something that is beneath you. But here, the gift to us is that we can just settle in. We don't need to be braced in any way. And so allow your mind, the cells of your body, to just rest, to let go of anything that is keeping you from being in this very moment. And so repeating either quietly or silently in your mind, I'm safe. I'm safe. And noticing where that lands in your body and even noticing where that may not land, is there some adjustment that needs to be made? Is there a question that needs to be answered before your body can truly rest into? I'M safe. Take a moment now to make that adjustment. I know for me, when I had a traumatic event, I had to do things over and beyond what I usually need. I would need to put a chair under a door so my body could truly rest in and not grapple with am I safe or not. So really give yourself the gift of assuring your nervous system, in this moment, I am safe. And there is no shame in having to really, you know, reinforce your safety in this moment. Because when our minds, you know, when we're overwhelmed or stressed, anxious, recovering from an event, our minds really try to go to the future or get stuck in the past, right? And it's like, well, no, I need to be on guard for the future. Or, well, I thought I was safe, but I wasn't. When we go in the past, but none of that is relevant really to feeling safe in the present. And that's what you're asking your mind to do, asking your body to do. Your whole system, it's saying, listen, I'm releasing what's in the future. And the past is in the past. In this moment. It's irrelevant because what I'm saying to you right now in this moment is I am safe. And so allowing yourself in your full body to experience that safety again, as I've been talking, you may be free associating of memories. And so in this moment, let's put all memories aside and ask yourself to once again notice the tongue. Soften it, soften your eyes. Anytime a memory or a thought comes in, just gently move it on its way. No need to hang out with it. Because today the practice is being present. And one of the ways that we do that is we notice our breath. And when we are getting into a relaxed state, often a longer exhale is helpful for that. And so I'm going to lead us in a five count, in an eight count out. But you know your body the best, I can't see you. And so please make whatever adjustments necessary so that you can just lean into the count. You don't have to strain or stress. And I just invite you, if it feels good, to make the exhale longer than the inhale, whatever your counts are. So I'm gonna lead us in this breath work again, just tapping into a longer exhale. And then I'm gonna read you a couple poems as you rest in. It's almost like story time. But I'm going to read you a poem from Wendell Berry called Boone. And I think it has a shadowy side to it, kind of a giving over A recognizing of seasons, even a recognizing of. Of death. Right. Saying again, an ending becoming a beginning, a beginning turning into an ending. And then I'm going to read a poem by Jan Richardson from her book how the stars get in your bones. And then we're going to do some more relaxation. So for now, continue to soften your eyes and soften your forehead as we take an Inhale. 2, 3, 4, 5. And then exhale. 2, 3,4, 5, 6, 7, 8. And inhale. Really expand. Try to get every space in your lungs. 4, 5. And then exhale. 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. And I'm going to adjust the count to four. And out with six. Inhale, 2, 3, 4. And exhale. 2, 3, four, five, six. Again. Inhale, 2, three, four, five. And exhale. 2, three, four, five, six. And then breathe naturally. Allow your inhales and exhales to just come and go naturally. And potentially, if you were holding your breath or maybe really had a stressful day, you could even notice some lightheadedness, some tingling. Maybe you had a deep, spontaneous breath. Those are all normal things. Sometimes we even have, like, a hot flash that's not connected to hormones. It's all ways your system is relaxing. So, Boone, beyond this final house, I'll make no journeys. That is the nature of this place. I came here old. The house contains the shade of its walls. A fire in winter. I know from what direction to expect the wind. Still I move in the descent of days from what was dreamed to what remains in the stillness of this single place where. Where I'm resigned to die. I'm not free of journeys. One eye watches while the other sleeps. Every day is a day's remove from what I knew. We held a country in our minds which, unpossessed, allowed the encroachment of our dreams. Our vision descended like doves at morning on. On valleys still blue in the extremity of hills. Until we moved in. A prodigy of reckonings, sustaining in the toil of a journey the rarity of our desire. We came there at the end of spring, climbing out of the hill's shadow. In the evening, the light leaned quiet on the trees. We'd foreseen no words after nightfall, when the coal of our fire contained all that was left. A vision. My journey relinquished me to sleep, kindling in the uneasy darkness where we broached our coming to the place we dreamed, the dying green of those valleys began to live. My passage grew into that country like a vine, as if remaining when I'd gone responsive to the Season's change boding a continuance of eyes. Not the place or the distance made it known to me but the direction so ardently obeyed, Preserving my advance on the edge of virgin light broken by my shadow's stride, I wouldn't recognize the way back. I approach my death, descend toward the last fact. It is not so clear to me now as it seemed, as it once seemed when I hunted in the new lands alone I could foresee the skeleton hiding with its wound after the fear and flesh were gone. Now it may come as part of sleep. In winter the river hides its flowing under the ice. Even then it flows, bearing intermittently down. The black crow flies into the black night. The bones of the old dead ache for the house fires. Death is a conjecture of the seed and the seasons bear it out. The wild plum achieves its bloom, perfects the yellow center of each flower, submits to violence, extravagance too grievous for praise. There are no culminations, no requitals. Freed of distances and dreams about to die, the mind turns back to its approaches. What else have I known? The search withholds the joy from what is found that has been my sorrow. Love is no more than what remains of itself. There are no arrivals at the coming of winter. The birds obey the Levithan flock that moves them south. A rhythm of the blood that survives the cold in pursuit of summer and the sun. Innocent of time as the blossom is innocent of ripeness. Faith to solstice returns and the flocks return. The seasons recognizes them. If it were possible now, I'd make myself submissive to the weather as an old tree without retrospect of winter blossoming, grateful for summers hatched from threshers eggs in the speckled thickets, obedient to darkness. Be innocent of my dying. And I think there's something very humbling about recognizing the seasons, recognizing the coming and going, the life, the death. And so I leave your mind with a different poem, different kind of poem again from Jan Richardson. This day we say grateful. It is a strange thing to be so bound and so released all in the same moment. To feel the heart open wide and wider still even as it turns to take its leave. On this day, let us say. Let. This is simply the way love moves in its ceaseless spiraling, turning us toward one another, then sending us into what waits for us with arms open wide to us in welcome and in hope. On this day, in this place where you have poured yourself out, where you have been emptied and filled and emptied again. May you Be aware more than ever of what your heart has opened to here, what it has tended and welcomed here, where it has broken in love and in grief, where it has given and received blessing in the unfathomable mystery that moves us, undoes us and remakes us finally. For joy this day, may you know this joy in full measure this day, may you know this blessing that gathers you in and sends you forth, but will not forget you. Oh, hear us as this day we say grace, this day we say grateful. This day we say blessing this day we release you into God's keeping and hold you in gladness and love. We release you into God's keeping and hold you in gladness. Love. So I just invite you to notice once again your eyes and soften them and if it's possible, if they are open to close them, maybe noticing what colors are behind your eyelids, Noticing if there's any shapes and if it feels good, putting a hand on your chest, maybe both hands on your chest just to notice the ease, the rise and fall of your breath, which you do not have to think about. Here it is, working on your behalf with no thought of I need to breathe. Oh, here it comes, right? It just on your behalf, works for you, allowing you to rest in the natural rhythm of your body. And so I'm going to lead you as if you're lying down, but if you are sitting, I invite you to notice these areas as well. Even standing, there's something about being in these upright postures that gravity pulls our spine up towards the heavens. So just notice that as much as it's pulling you down into the earth. And if you're laying down, I invite you to notice your head in the space where your hair meets your forehead. See if you can relax again into the cushion, into the safety of gravity, relaxing that neck, the shoulders, Your spine, and for some it doesn't feel good to have to be flat. So even maybe slightly bending your knees so that your whole spine can be supported that back up against what's beneath you, that bed, the ground, or putting a pillow underneath your knees, Just noticing the relaxing of your chest, your core, your belly, Noticing your pelvic area as you relax in and have it just be cradled and supported, noticing your bum, your hamstrings, your knees, your calves, your heels, maybe even if it feels comfortable, allowing your feet to fall outward outside instead of straight up if they haven't already done so. And just breathe whatever your breath is doing again, continuing to bring your mind back to the breath even as it wanders off Sometimes it's hard to just contain a busy mind. Especially if we haven't been quiet most of the day, it won't feel comfortable changing gears, and that's okay. We just grab it as we notice it and bring it back to your body, to your breath. And if it is hard to notice your breath, you could even gently rub your thumb and an index finger together to be a place of anchoring for your mind, Asking your mind to notice the grooves of your fingertips coming together. That kind of detail, that kind of focus can be very helpful for an active mind, Just allowing yourself to be just taken away. I have lots of birds outside of the window, and I imagine that my microphone is picking them up. And so allow the sound of the birds to be singing to you as you get rest. And it's quite natural to have ways of emotion or sensations come into your body that's, again, just very normal as you wind down from the day. And I also encourage you to anchor them either on your breath by noticing your breath, or again by that focal point with your fingers, your thumb, and your index finger coming together and gently rubbing. It may take a while to calm, depending on how your day was, depending on how your thoughts have been going lately, depending on what big emotions are present in your life, because emotions will turn into thoughts, turn into something to take care of. So we're just noticing them and sending them on their way, saying, find me in my dreams. Find me and process as I'm sleeping. You're not ignoring them, but you're having boundaries around them. And if anxiety shows up, allow yourself to come back to that anchor point or some place in your body, even if it's a big toe that feels relaxed, because what's uncomfortable and painful kind of yells at us. And so as we wind down into rest, we're releasing that by saying, I see you and not now. So you bring your attention back to a more regulated anchor. And that's the process, trusting that you can resolve what keeps showing up tomorrow with a good amount of sleep. Giving yourself over in this moment to the importance of sleeping, to the importance of rest. I learned from Dr. Dan Siegel that deep sleep, a good night's sleep, is like cleaning up a party after we've thrown one. And so allow what you've done for today to be enough. Trusting your resourcefulness, your energy levels, your mind, trusting tomorrow you can pick it up, It. Continue to come back to your breath. And noticing now what is the sound closest to you? Maybe it's the sound of your own breath. And what Is the sound farthest away. And then coming back to your breath again, Taking the tongue off the roof of your mouth and softening it, softening your eyes once more, really allowing them into that eye socket, Continuing to soften your hands, softening your feet. And if you feel any sort of tension, just wiggle, Just slightly wiggle your toes, your hands. And it's sending a message, I'm safe. I'm safe. Noticing where that certainty lands, You know? And the goal is to just live in this place as long as you can live in this certainty of safety. And depending on your background, you know, you may have a rebound effect. You relax, and then something comes up, and then you relax again. So here we are, coming back to our breath. If your hand is on your chest, notice that. Is there some warmth that you can bring there as you notice it? And there's no pressure. If there's not, just notice that. And if it's not enough stimulation for your mind to just allow yourself to notice the rise and fall of your chest, then count, But not quickly. Slow it down. And as you breathe out, allow a very natural inhale to come back in. So I'm going to do the vu breath. You may do a vu breath as well or just listen to it. But when we do the vu breath, we make a V sound with our mouth and we push the air back, making an oo sound. And we are vibrating the organs. As we can loosen our jaw, we're able to vibrate farther down. And so it's natural as we do this again to feel some lightheadedness or tingly. So just the gift is just telling your system again, hey, we're safe, and allowing it to find that new level of relaxation. So we're going to inhale voo. Sa. Last one, And then let it settle. And it has been lovely to be with you. May you find the rest you're yearning for. Remember, you are a sacred being and you matter. Until next time, Sam.