Know Your Net Worth: Building Relational Equity with Allison Trowbridge

Relational equity is going to reframe the way you think about donors. Did you know loneliness is now considered a public health crisis, comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes a day?!

In this bonus keynote from the Monthly Giving Summit, I’m sitting down with Allison Trowbridge, founder of Copper Books, to talk all about relationships and the compounding wealth you build by investing in people over time.

You’ll hear Allison’s personal story of going from a venture-backed startup with millions in funding to losing everything – as well as her favorite practical ways to strengthen donor relationships and community connections.

If you want to build a more sustainable movement, you’ll want to listen to every minute of this episode.

Resources & Links

Connect with Allison at allison@copperbooks.com and learn more about Copper Books here.

Take Allison’s FREE Relational Archetype Quiz.

Bloomerang is the proud presenter of Missions to Movements. 

Bloomerang is the trusted, all-in-one giving platform that connects your data, streamlines your systems, and helps your mission go further. Learn more at bloomerang.com.

If you’re building a movement, join Bloomerang’s GiveCon in St. Louis May 15-17 to learn what’s working in donor retention, AI, major gifts, recurring revenue, and community-driven campaigns. Register now and use code M2M to save $200!

The Monthly Giving Builder: Generate your comprehensive monthly giving plan and build your program step by step - with a guided companion working alongside you from start to finish. 

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Transcript

Bonus Keynote And Big Promise

SPEAKER_00 0:55

I have a very special treat for you today. This is a bonus keynote from the Monthly Giving Summit. And here's the backstory. Alison Trowbridge so generously pre-recorded this session with me as a backup, just in case we ran into any live tech gremlins on Summit Day. But honestly, it is way too good just to keep on the shelf. So thus, here we are. Alison is the founder of Copra Books, and her story starts not with publishing, but with losing everything. A venture-backed startup that ran out of runway, a relationship that fell apart, a car packed with everything she owned, headed to Nashville. And yet, in the middle of all of it, she discovered something that changed the way she thinks about fundraising, mission building, and what it actually means to grow your net worth. She calls it relational equity. And I think it's gonna help really reframe the way you think about donors, network, the people running alongside you in this work. So this one is worth every minute. And if you are a MGS VIP ticket holder, good news, you also get access to the full video version of this keynote. So welcome, Abelie.

Losing Everything And Finding People

Relational Equity And Loneliness Stakes

Why Networking Feels Icky

The Appreciate Then Initiate Model

Building Trust At Scale With Books

The Friendship That Paid Off

How To Connect And Closing

SPEAKER_02 2:11

Relational equity is the compounding wealth you build by investing in people over time. In finance, the secret driver of generational wealth is compounding interest. It's the reason why Warren Buffett is a gajillionaire. And the same concept also applies to relationships. They say in real estate, it's location, location, location. I believe that in life and in business and in nonprofits, it's relation, relation, relation. Dana, thank you so much. It is such a pleasure and honor to be here with everyone today. This is one of my favorite topics, and it's an honor to support you, one of my favorite authors. Everyone, over the next 20 minutes, I will teach each of you how to radically increase your net worth. But first, I want to tell you about the time I lost everything. Now, I had started this year on a high. My venture-backed startup had just launched a social media app for book lovers, and we were being featured in Forbes and TechCrunch and on the homepage of my mom's Instagram account. My Silicon Valley dreams of startup success were all coming true. And this was especially special for me because I actually got my start in the nonprofit world. I had worked in the anti-trafficking movement for most of my 20s, and I saw a number of books lay the foundation for that entire global movement. I published a book while I was in business school, and in the process of publishing, I saw all of the challenges that existed for other authors and aspiring authors, and I knew the power of books to scale social movements. So I set out to start the sort of company I wished had existed at the start of my author journey. But now, even though I had gone from having millions in the bank and building an entire team, I went out to raise our next round of venture funding. I would pitch VC after VC, and I would get rejection after rejection. You see, the markets that year had tanked and my stress was at an all-time high, but I knew in my bones that we were going to get a miracle. Every single day I felt like I was staring down this ticking time bomb until one day those red digits representing our funds running out went to zero. I got a phone call from my CFO and he said, Allison, you realize your last day is on Friday. I had spent so much time focusing on every other, and many of you who have employees know this. I was so focused on every single salary that I hadn't even paused to worry about my own. That moment was the worst of my entire life. Laying off employees, disappointing investors. I mean, people had left stable careers in order to bet on my dream. And it was a dream that didn't come true. I should mention, in you know, the nature of an epic saga had also just been broken up with. The guy who had promised me the world and taken me ring shopping had decided on a moment's notice that he did not want to be married to a startup CEO. And so I went from having it all to being broke and broken up with and utterly brokenhearted. And yet, in the midst of the worst time in my life, I had no income and no savings. I lost my house in LA a month later. I put everything I could fit into the back of my car and the rest into a storage unit. In the midst of all of that loss, what I did have was my people. I had friends who showed up for me by offering me consulting roles at their nonprofits and giving me their guest rooms to stay in and just loving me well through all of it. Now I want to introduce you to one of those friends, my best friend Jeannie, who's a TV host in LA who hates cars, hates road trips, and offered to drive halfway across the country with me on my move to Nashville. Literally everything I owned in the back of that car. Why Nashville? Because everyone's moving to Nashville right now. No, it was because one of my investors and friends had a spare room in her house that she offered me the opportunity to stay in. You see, in that season of personal, professional collapse, a time that still makes my chest constrict when I remember, my relationships were the scaffolding that held me up. My financial net worth was in the red. And as nonprofit leaders and founders, I'm sure many of you have been there, my personal net worth was in the red. And yet, relationally, I had never felt richer. This is what I call relational equity. And now I know it's interesting to be starting a nonprofit, fundraising, monthly giving summit on this idea of relational equity, but I would argue it's the most important part of every nonprofit. Relational equity is the compounding wealth you build by investing in people over time. In finance, the secret driver of generational wealth is compounding interest. It's the reason why Warren Buffett is a cajillionaire. And the same concept also applies to relationships. They say in real estate, it's location, location, location. I believe that in life and in business and in nonprofits, it's relation, relation, relation. Now, without relational equity, what are the stakes here? Without relational equity, we live lives of loneliness and isolation. And why is loneliness such a big problem? Well, the hard costs of loneliness, what I call being relationally broke, are economic, social, societal, spiritual, physical, mental, relational, emotional, and there's actually physical health consequences. And I know all of you working so hard in these meaningful causes have gone through seasons like I did of feeling lonely and isolated. The U.S. Surgeon General says that loneliness is a new public health crisis. So you want to talk about a cause that we all need to focus on. It's equal to smoking 15 cigarettes a day and shortens your life expectancy by up to 15 years. So what I'm basically saying is that when it comes to relational equity, your life is at stake. But in all seriousness, especially when it comes to building relationships and building a mission, your network is your net worth. And this idea actually, I actually learned this concept when I was 22. I was working in the anti-trafficking movement. I was fresh out of college, bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, ready to change the world. And I heard this quote that changed everything for me by Tim Sanders. When he said, your network is your net worth. I made a foundational decision to prioritize relationships as the highest good in everything that I did. Now, how do you actually build your relational net worth? Each of us are hardwired in a different way relationally. This is why we each have different relational archetypes. And today I want to take a chance to just look at how we build those relationships, both amongst, not only in friendships, but professionally, amongst ourselves and other nonprofit leaders, and also amongst the people who are our supporters in our causes. How do you build relationships with your donors? And the focus of this summit is really around creating believers. I would argue the greatest way to create believers in your cause and in your mission is actually through building those relationships. Now, if your network is your net worth, why is it that networking, this idea of networking, kind of gives us the ick? You're at this professional gathering, it's a great opportunity to meet other people. And yet, whenever someone invites me to a networking event, I kind of get that like, ugh, like networking feels icky. Why does it give us the ick? Well, I believe it's because when we think of the idea of networking, we picture a guy named Chad in a Hawaiian shirt trying to sell his timeshares. That's because oftentimes when people think of networking, they approach it as takers. What can I take from this person in front of me? What can I take from this person that I've just met? Maybe you're meeting another nonprofit leader. What can I take from their strategy? Or maybe you're meeting a potential donor. What kind of money can I take from them to fund my mission? But when someone approaches us as a taker, we feel it. Each of you is not a taker. You are not here to be takers. You're here to be, you're not selling timeshares. How do you network to build your net worth? Well, especially when it comes to fundraising for an important mission, I want to encourage you, instead of asking, what can I get from each person that you're going to meet over the course of this summit? Think about asking, how can I serve? Not only how can I serve my greater mission and this greater cause that I've given my time and my life to, but actually, how can I serve the people either coming alongside me, the people supporting me, the donors supporting me, or the other professionals in this space that I get to meet and collaborate with in the process. Every person you meet, ask, how can I be of service to them? Don't meet people, meet people's needs. And this applies especially when you're working in service of a greater cause. See, what I've found in fundraising in the nonprofit world is that people want to support people, people that they believe in, people that they want to come alongside, and they want to be a part of a mission where they feel a sense of belonging. This is relational equity, and this is how you create lifelong believers, supporters, and most importantly, funders. Now you may be wondering, how do you actually do that tactically? How do you tactically build relational equity, whether it's with your donors and supporters or whether it's with other professionals, other nonprofit leaders? Well, you do that by using a simple AI model. And no, unlike everything else these days, it is not a Chat GPT prompt. The AI model is simply this. Every time you meet a person, again, whether it's a potential supporter or a partner in the cause or a fellow nonprofit leader, I want you to first appreciate and then initiate. Appreciate the person in front of you and then simply initiate some kind of value for them. I'll give you three quick examples of each. Appreciate. Number one, ask a question. Begin by being curious. Dana, how did you recruit such good-looking attendees to the summit? Begin the conversation by asking about their interests and their industry and their inevitable childhood trauma, whatever comes to mind. But just realize every person is an expert in themselves. And experts are passionate about their expertise. You've heard it said that curiosity killed the cat. Well, I believe curiosity sparks the chat. And curiosity is the greatest place to begin when it comes to meeting someone new that you're going to build a relationship with. Number two, align. Find commonality. When you meet somebody, look for alignment because I promise you there is always, always a point of connection. I bet you every person you're going to meet at the summit loves nonprofits and loves great speakers and loves good books and thought leadership and podcasts and reimagining how to scale social movements. Friendship takes root in common ground. And that's where you can build the long-term collaboration, the trust, the friendship to actually find your people so that you can sustainably do this work without burning out and support others in their work as well. That sense of common ground, it's the moment when you meet someone else and you think, me too. I feel that way too. I've had that same experience. So every new person you meet, appreciate the person in front of you by looking for alignment, looking for that common ground. And then number three, affirmation. This is my favorite one. Affirmation is just simply looking for a way that you can affirm the person in front of you. Give a compliment. I like to say, see something you like, say something about it. This is my favorite thing to do when I meet a new person. Dana, I love your book, The Monthly Giving Mastermind. I am totally unbiased. What is a compliment? What is something that that person intentionally put time, thought, energy into that you can take a moment to appreciate by affirming because everyone loves a thoughtful compliment. I believe compliments are the currency of connection. Now, if we had more time, I would make you all come off mute right now and go into breakout rooms and simply practice giving a compliment to one of the other people that you see. But we're gonna save this for a later time. But I would challenge you, next time you meet someone new, begin the conversation just by commenting on something you like. I like your blank. Fill in the blank. It could be hair, shoes, rocket launcher, whatever you see, just say something kind about it because that creates that moment of connection. Everyone loves to feel seen and appreciated. Now, I will tell you, I have received compliments 20 years ago that still make me smile to this day. For example, my first car when I was 16 was a bronze limited edition 93 Mercury Tracler. I'm sorry, wait. That's the car I wanted, the picture you see on the screen. That is the car that I got. That is my 93 Mercury Tracer. Shout out to my dad who nicknamed it The Humbler because he said that this car humbled me. Now I would drive this bronze beauty around downtown with the windows down, and I would have people literally yell at me from the corners of the street, nice car. A compliment can stay with you for a lifetime. All right, moving on. Appreciate the person in front of you. And then secondly, initiate, create some kind of value for them. Initiate that value. Let's again look at three examples of each. They're very simple and very actionable. Number one, intro. I love intros. Make an introduction. What is some kind of valuable intro that you can make for the person that you're meeting? Maybe this is a partner that they need to connect with in the same nonprofit field. Maybe it's a potential client or a friend that has a shared interest of Monday night mahjong. Send that one to me. Whatever it is, look for a point of connection and an introduction you can make. Maybe it's someone that you met in a previous breakout room and you're like, oh my gosh, Todd, you need to meet Bob. You guys have all of the same interests. So look for that point of introduction. I will say the reason why Dana and I met, and the reason why I was able to be the publisher of her book is because a mutual friend introduced us and connected us. You never know the magic that could come from a simple introduction. And when you connect people, you become the trust bridge between them. And this is one of the most powerful things that you can do. The most powerful way that you can build your network is actually by being a trusted point of connection between people that you meet. It is the greatest gift that you can give somebody. Number two, idea. Share some sort of insight. Maybe it's something that you've learned. Maybe it's a podcast episode that you've loved. You meet somebody who's working in a nonprofit field about something that you just heard on a conversation on a podcast about, share the podcast with them. Share a book recommendation with them. I like to say I'm a walking-talking book recommendation machine because it is a way to offer free, immediate, high value, like something of high value to the person in front of me. Chad, you would love this book called The Monthly Giving Mastermind. You should go check it out. Whatever it is, that person you've just met, think about a way that you can share an idea with them. Maybe they're building a monthly giving program and you've learned something, you know, mistake that you made, or a really valuable insight that you can share and pass on that's really going to radically change the way that they fund and support their nonprofit. So always be thinking about an idea or an insight you can share with the person you're connecting with. Ideas are free, but their impact can be priceless. And lastly, number three under initiate is just an invitation. Give an opportunity. Maybe you meet someone today and you invite them to a virtual coffee to connect because you both are executive directors and you're facing similar challenges and struggles. Maybe it's an event you're going to, maybe it's a membership they can join. Shout out Monthly Giving Mastermind. Maybe it's a monthly gathering of other nonprofit leaders that they can be a part of. And if the event doesn't exist, if the gathering doesn't exist, I would challenge you to look for a way that you can create it. I'm a big believer that we should build the kinds of tables that we want to sit at and then pull up some chairs for others. And that's why I love gatherings like this virtual event, because it's an example of Dana creating the sort of event that she wanted to be a part of. And I would encourage each of you to do the same. Now let's do a quick recap. I know I threw a lot of information at you, but the way you build relational equity with someone that you're meeting for the first time, again, whether this is a fellow collaborator in the movement, another nonprofit leader, a professional contact, or someone who you're hoping will serve and support your cause, begin by appreciating the person in front of you. Ask a question, align shared values, affirm, give a compliment, and then initiate some kind of value for them. So instead of being a taker, you're being a giver. And the thing that you can initiate, that's an introduction. It could be an idea, an insight, like a book, a podcast, an article you read, and lastly, an invitation. What can you include them in? What can you invite them to? Now, going back to my personal story, I eventually relaunched my company Copper, and we went back to our roots. My initial vision when I started so many years earlier of being a publishing house. And actually, Dana's book, The Monthly Giving Mastermind, was one of the very first books that we published, which was so incredible. We've gone on to sign iconic founders, release USA Today bestsellers, and we even published our first children's book in the fall. And I will say here, That writing a book is the greatest way to build your relational equity at scale. So if you are a leader, a founder, and you want to increase your thought leadership and you want to scale it and you want to create that sense of trust and relationship, if you want to make believers of your followers, writing a book is the best way to do it. And our company exists to serve and support those aspiring authors by helping them publish their stories and scale their impact through having a book. But so many of my authors, when it comes to publishing their book, they get anxious about their book launches and whether people will show up for them. And what I always tell them is to begin by being a good literary citizen. So instead of your book's about to come out or it's coming out in the next year or two, instead of stressing about who's going to support you, begin by looking for other people, other authors in the space that you can support. That's what it means to be a good literary citizen. Who can you be posting about? Who you can you be showing up for? And I would encourage each of you to be a good nonprofit citizen, to look for other leaders in the space, other causes, other movements that you can be championing and supporting. So you're not always just looking for who's going to support me, but actually, how can I be of service and support the people who are running alongside me in this space and do so in a really meaningful, thoughtful way. So look for ways you can be of service. And then, oh, this is again a quick shout out to Dana and her book, The Monthly Giving Mastermind. This is such a perfect example of building that relational equity at scale. We launched this book with her very first monthly giving summit. And for some of you, you would have joined almost two years ago at that. It was such an incredible way for her to scale her impact and her leadership to all of her supporters. So I would encourage all of you, as you're meeting in breakout rooms and getting connected and even just seeing other names on the screen that you're curious to connect with, look for ways that you can build those relationships and appreciate and initiate with the person that you're encountering. If you want to build believers in your mission, in your movement, it always, always, always starts with relationships, especially when it comes to relationships with your supporters. So today, who can you appreciate and who can you initiate? Because the people you appreciate and initiate are going to be the ones who support you throughout your journey. Why does this matter? Well, back in 2010, gosh, over 15 years ago, I was asked to speak at an anti-trafficking event called Freedom and Fashion. It was an anti-trafficking fashion show. And I was seated in the front row next to the host of the event. And we giggled a little too loudly throughout the fashion show and connected deeply. And I went up to her afterwards. And you know what I did? The first thing I appreciated, I complimented her cool turquoise dress and I aligned around our shared values around anti-trafficking. And then I initiated with her. I invited her to an event that I was a part of in LA. And actually, did she ever go? No. But we stayed in touch and we became very, very close friends. And that host was named Jeannie. And fast forward, she was the very same girl who drove halfway across the country with me 15 years later when my world fell apart. This is what relational equity looks like. And this is what's available to each of you. You never know the opportunity you have, especially in an event like this, to radically increase your personal relational net worth. Who knows who you might meet today and what might happen if you were to appreciate and initiate some kind of value with and for them. Someday, in your darkest moment, they just might be the friend in your passenger seat. Thank you so much. It is such a pleasure to be here again. I am so grateful to Dana for having me, and I'm grateful to each of you for the meaningful work that you are doing. If you'd like to chat or talk about publishing and how you can write a book as well, you can find me, Allison, two Allison and I at copperbooks.com. And again, if you want to find out your relational archetype, it's a really fun quiz. Go ahead and scan that QR code. Again, thank you for having me and enjoy the rest of the summit.

SPEAKER_01 29:03

Thank you so much for tuning into today's episode of Missions to Movements. If you enjoyed our conversation and found it helpful, I would love for you to take a moment to leave a review wherever you're listening. Your feedback helps us reach more change makers like you and continue bringing impactful stories and strategies to the show. Don't forget to hit that subscribe button too so you'll never miss an episode. And until next time, keep turning your mission into a movement.