Is Losing Weight Your Roman Empire? (Client Confessional with Danielle)

Have you been chasing losing weight your whole life? Jumping from diet to diet, worrying about your gut health or creating a negative relationship with exercise? If so you're not alone, as today I'm joined by my client Danielle who broke free from this cycle and is now feeling truly Nourished & Free. 

I'm dropping this bonus episode as a Halloween treat 🎃

We talk about what Danielle's relationship with food was like before, what sparked her to join my program, and how opening up in the group helped her make long-lasting changes. Now, she can simply enjoy the moment without stressing over her looks or the calories in her food.

Listen to her journey towards food freedom and body acceptance. She found a way to stop her diet cycle in my Nourished and Free™ program, and is now equipped with the tools she needs for the rest of her life.

TOPICS COVERED 👇 

[00:04:21] Danielle's relationship with food and body before joining Nourished & Free 

[00:09:26] Her journey to body acceptance 

[00:13:21] How Danielle's social life has changed 

[00:20:24] Comparing this approach to past ones 

[00:22:10] The sustainability and stability of the Nourished & Free program 

[00:33:24] Learning to be free as an adult 

LEARN MORE
🔥 My Signature 4-Month Program, Nourished & Free
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📖 Check out my Blog for tons of helpful articles

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Transcript

Michelle (00:00:00) - Welcome back to the Nourished and Free podcast, where we like to create space for conversations that we typically don't actually want to have, like how we feel about our body and our relationship with food. I'm your host, Michelle Yates, a registered dietitian and disordered eating expert, and I'm really excited to have Danielle on the show today. Danielle is a former client of mine who worked with me inside of my signature program, Nourished and Free, and she is here to share about her story working with me inside of that container. Danielle came to me feeling like she was really scared of giving up the idea of losing weight. She wanted to feel more at peace in her present body, and she wanted to be fully at peace with food and not obsessive about it anymore. And she'd actually already done quite a bit of work to get there, but she needed help with that last 10%, so to speak, and she needed somebody to guide her through letting go of trying to lose weight for the rest of her life.

Michelle (00:00:52) - And I'm really excited for you to hear her story, because I think a lot of us can relate to that. I think a lot of us struggle with the idea of giving up the idea of weight loss. It becomes a part of our identity at some point when it's all that we've been doing for so long and we've constantly tried to get as small as possible. So I'm excited for you to hear how she navigated that and how she's now so much more at peace in her skin, and has made a ton of progress in the last four months. And even more than that, she has the confidence that this is just going to continue to get better and better, even after working with me, because she now has the tools that she needs to do this on her own. I've already said too much, so let's go ahead and dive into the episode with Danielle. I hope you'll enjoy this little Halloween treat, and if you enjoy it, please let me know by leaving a rating or review or even just sharing it with your friend.

Michelle (00:01:43) - Let's dive in. Welcome to this show! I'm so excited that you're here. I would love for you to tell us actually just more about who you are, and then we'll obviously dig into the nuts and bolts of your story. But yeah, I mean, you're in school. Tell us about like, stage of Life. Where are you at?

Danielle (00:02:00) - Yes. So I'm 28. I'm in school for psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner, and I'm currently a registered nurse. I work for DM, sometimes for plastic surgery, sometimes for regular surgery, and I've been a nurse for six years now. Also, I'm a singer, so for fun, that's kind of what I do. And I was in like a semi pro the playgroup for a while and in college did it all the time, singing all the time. So yeah, that's that's kind of where I'm at now. I'm mostly just like full time student plugging away. I have less than a year left.

Michelle (00:02:33) - Yeah, I remember when we were like getting you signed up.

Michelle (00:02:36) - You're like, I'm a student. I don't know, like if this is the best time. I was like, nah, you're all ready. And like, study and learning mode. It's a great time.

Danielle (00:02:45) - Yeah. No, you're totally right. And I really just fitted in the best that I could. And I did stay on track with, like, the modules every week, which I just felt like propelled me forward. Like I thought I was going to be an extra thing to do, but really it was just something that, like, lifted me up when I was feeling extra bogged down by the stressors of life. Um, and I do think like the stress of school made everything worse for me. Like my anxiety was worse. So remember us chatting like before the program, if it was the right time and I had to just convince myself, like, if not now, when am I going to do this? Really? I'm always going to be busy. That's my personality, you know? So I was like, I really need this like now.

Danielle (00:03:29) - So yeah. Then decided enroll. Yeah.

Michelle (00:03:32) - Yeah, that's a good point to just like the stressors of life and anxiety. Like we're always hoping that's going to go away at some point. But the reality is that there's something right behind it that's going to stress us out again. And I think I've told you this before, and maybe even when you signed up, like, I actually like it when women join in the midst of all of that stress and anxiety, because that's when these things and behaviors and your struggles with food and your body are usually heightened. And so it's actually kind of nice to do it then, because we can really dig into what's going on and makes it a little bit easier to weed through it. But yeah. So tell me about before you ever joined this process, what was your relationship with food, especially with your body? Because I know that was a big thing that we worked on together. What was that like?

Danielle (00:04:21) - Yeah. So I would say directly before the program, like a couple of months before, I did have some awareness that things were not okay anymore.

Danielle (00:04:32) - And I remember seeing a therapist and saying, like, I just can't live like this anymore. I was like sobbing on the phone with her and was like, I can't do this anymore. Like, I know something is wrong. And that was after like three years of, I guess you could say, chronic dieting, just trying different diets. Initially it was like, I want to lose a few pounds. Then it was like I got pretty obsessed with healthy eating, you know, quote unquote. Healthy eating, what that meant, and it kind of turned into trying to be vegan and then feeling like a failure when that didn't work. And, you know, in the midst of trying to find what was like, quote unquote healthy and going to make me feel my best, I became pretty obsessed with, like, the change in how my body looks from the weight loss of it all and in the fear of gaining all of that weight back, even though it wasn't a lot of weight, I felt like I saw and felt significant difference.

Danielle (00:05:28) - So I was just constantly in fear of weight gain at that point, you know? So what started as like, I want to lose a few pounds to being like, I want to have a healthy diet turned into like super duper fear of gaining any way back and just really, like, brought me into myself, which exacerbated my anxiety, like tenfold, you know? And then once I saw, you know, I was like kind of coming out of those diets and was like, nothing is working. But my stomach was still really hurting from all that what I did. And then I went to see a therapist because mentally, like just the negative thoughts were nonstop. They would be like, morning. It would start happening. I go to the gym. I'd like just the whole time I'm working out, I'm having negative thoughts. And that was when I was like, wow, this is just not me. Like, I can't do this anymore. So I started therapy and then I went on a trip shortly after and I started to be like, okay, I'm really going to try to start eating everything I'm used to eat and like just because it's part of the process.

Danielle (00:06:32) - Like, she was like, just enjoy your trip. Enjoy eating. Like, try not to think about it. Not the best advice, you know, compared to what I've learned in this.

Michelle (00:06:39) - Try not to think about it.

Danielle (00:06:41) - That's like, this is not very helpful. But it was like the Fabius Fabius step for me was like, okay, I'm just going to do it, you know? And it was it was the entry way of being like, think this is good for me. So I kept on with that, but couldn't get out of tracking my calories and definitely couldn't get out of wanting to lose that weight again. I was like, you know, because I've stopped restricting different food groups. I was gaining it back slowly, and then all I wanted to do was like, lose it. So couldn't get rid of the calorie counting and like trying to exercise X amount of times a week. And really just like those rigid rules like couldn't let go completely and then saw your like sponsored ad come up on Instagram and I was like, this is like the first thing I've seen that isn't like toxic when it comes to like eating in your body.

Danielle (00:07:33) - So I'm in the click on it and see what it has to say. And that's how I found you. And then we started chatting on Instagram and you're like, yeah, this is probably like the last push that you need to get where you want to be. So yeah, then then I enrolled in it all. Like the body image stuff is just pervasive for me. Kind of been like my whole life. I was comparing my body to other people, like other girls and dance class and was a kid. And like when I was in high school, any excuse that I had, like, was sick. I didn't have an appetite. I would use it, you know, and I'd try to lose weight. And my mom even said, remember, you were a kid and you were losing all this weight because you were sick. And you were like, yeah, feel like I look really good. And my mom was like, that was concerning, you know, I should have known and was like, no, it's okay.

Danielle (00:08:22) - Like it's I didn't know either. But it started at 16 years old and then kind of like went away, I don't know, went away. And then it just kind of like came back with a vengeance during the Covid stuff and the control seeking. And that guess led me to like these behaviors. Yeah, that's kind of the story.

Michelle (00:08:44) - Because how did you feel about your body? I mean, you I remember when we first met, you described what you were experiencing as body dysmorphia, and it was pretty bleak, you know, like you were blaming yourself all the time just for simply how you looked. And so how would you compare or even describe that versus how you're feeling now?

Danielle (00:09:08) - That's a great question because I remember, like, crying about it on the call with you in the program and being like, I just don't know if this will ever leave me. You know, like you look in the mirror and you really don't know what's true and what's not, and you're like, how delusional am like, I really don't know.

Danielle (00:09:26) - And that was it was really bad in like when I was deep into the dieting and the fear of the weight gain and it started to get a little bit better, but still wasn't great. It's those there, like during the first half of the program. And then I'd say like in the second half, it's almost like when my body started to like normalize again, like I was eating normally and my body was kind of like getting to it. It's happy weight like you discussed, like trying not to focus on the number of it and think. That's why when I had to get weight on the doctor, it's in. Me so much because I was just like, that kind of makes sense. Like, I know that my body likes this and like, it almost made that body dysmorphia better because I was like, this was how like, I know that I look like, you know what I mean? Like, I thought it for a really long time, so of course I couldn't understand how I could look like that.

Danielle (00:10:21) - I mean, because I was like, fighting myself. And really trying to change. And that y part is always like part as part, you know, but obviously the most important. So now it's like I'm no longer fighting my body and like restricting and controlling food or making myself exercise like, it's just I'm just living my life and those things are happening naturally. And like it's so relaxing to me. So now I feel that I'm starting to view myself with like a greater sense of reality, like that body dysmorphia, like, calmed down, you know, like some days I feel really upset about how I look instead of like, freaking out about, like, how do I actually look like I used to? I'm like, it doesn't actually matter. And it's like, I'll just put on whatever clothes I want and like, stop looking in the mirror, you know?

Michelle (00:11:09) - Yeah, I love that. I've also, I've heard you talk about just like some really cool, tangible things that have come up for you, like with the exercise.

Michelle (00:11:20) - I remember you saying at one point during a call like, I don't like, I'm actually able to enjoy the exercise now, and I'm not sitting there like even just what you described constant negative thoughts during that workout. Like that's not really happening anymore, right? Like you're able to really enjoy exercise instead of it being like a punishment for your body.

Danielle (00:11:41) - Yes, absolutely. Like it used to be a have to do that to reach my goal. And prior to this it was it was feel good and I was happy. But then it became I have to do this to reach my goal. And now it's just like happy, feel good again. Like, yeah, I feel strong when I do it or like I'll just like sweat it out and feel that, like catharsis and that release and like, instead of being so frustrated and upset about how I look during the exercise, which is how it used to be. Now it's like all this catharsis, like it doesn't actually matter.

Michelle (00:12:21) - Yeah, I also remember you.

Michelle (00:12:24) - You had like a thousand weddings to go to this summer. Yeah.

Danielle (00:12:29) - Oh, yes. That's so funny.

Michelle (00:12:32) - I feel like every Monday you were like I was at a wedding this week.

Danielle (00:12:36) - Yes.

Michelle (00:12:37) - But something that was really cool to see was just like how you were able to. Oh, and also bachelorette parties for those weddings. You. I feel like we're able to really be present in those moments and enjoy it. And despite the dresses that you were wearing or the swimsuits at the bachelorette parties or whatever it was, I feel like you were just like vibing and living your best life without letting your body image. Get in a way, because those things still come up. Like those thoughts still come. But now you've got this like armour of letting it roll off your back. That is really cool to watch and see you enjoy those moments. What is that like for you now?

Danielle (00:13:21) - Yeah, I remember my first experience with that was like one of the bachelorettes and I was actually really dreading it, not even because of that, but because like, socially, I haven't seen some of these people in a really long time.

Danielle (00:13:35) - I was just really nervous and helped me uncover that part of my body image stuff really had to do with, like, the judgment of other people and like that fear of judgment and criticism. So it all was like bubbling up before I went. And I remember I reached out before and then like during, I think it was great that I had the tools of the intuitive eating and the like, lack of restriction. So just the freedom there. Those tools help me to like, get through that time. And instead of just like pushing through, I was enjoying it. I was just realizing, like, how nice is it to not be stressed about food? And therefore it kind of just helped me to feel less stress about how was looking because I was like, well, I'm not controlling how I look with food anymore. So however, look, look, you know, and then when that stress was gone, it was like. Like a like a woosh. You know, like the whole, like, world around me kind of opened up because became less internal about like all of that controls then was just like looking around me, enjoying the time with my friends who haven't seen in a long time and realizing that, like, they weren't judging me and it's all good.

Danielle (00:14:45) - And like, even if they were, it didn't really matter. Like, so yeah, that was a really like a liberating trip because it gave me like a little bit of that confidence that I used to have back because I was just less focused on the food. Yeah, that was a that's a big word I kept writing down when I was journaling prior to this was focused like my whole focus has shifted. It used to be like the highest priority was losing weight, getting skinny like gold, you know, going on my body gold. Yeah. And now, just like, not at the top anymore. And over the program, it just like, got lower and lower on the totem pole and therefore like my experiences around me, like the weddings and like the love and all of that, I started to feel that more and less of the anxiety that was accompanied by the body image issues and the eating and the control of my food and all of that.

Michelle (00:15:43) - Yeah, that's so beautiful. That's like, you're you.

Michelle (00:15:47) - I feel like you're just getting your life back, you know?

Danielle (00:15:50) - Seriously, I remember I listened to so many of your the stuff that you have out there and you would always say like the black and white to color, like shifting, like your whole life used to start. And I really, genuinely feel that way. Even like the most recent wedding I went through was like sitting there looking at boats, like sitting by myself in like this, like flaming hot, like suit that I was wearing, like, like pink and loved it. It was.

Michelle (00:16:15) - So cute.

Danielle (00:16:15) - So thank you. It's like, look at all these colors around me. And was like, this is like actual description of what Michelle would always say, like black and white to color. And then my boyfriend, kind of like came up and he was like, you know what you do and how you feeling? And I was like, honestly, I'm just like soaking it all in right now, like, and loving my life and realizing it's great.

Danielle (00:16:36) - Like not to be struggling with this, like disordered eating, eating disorder, whatever it was like, just to be free of that. I just felt like this immense gratitude to like, see the life around me, you know, like the colors around me even talking about it makes me want to cry. You know, I'm such a crier. But like, yeah.

Michelle (00:16:58) - Yeah, it's true though. I mean, your life is so much more beautiful when it's not stuck in this prison of worrying about the food you're eating and how many calories. What are ingredients? Are there lectins in this like healthy? What do I weigh today? How many calories do I need to burn? Like? It's it's so, um, it's just like it has a choke hold on you. And a lot of times, you don't even realize how bad it is until you do step into a world where that's left behind. And then you realize, like, wow, there's so much life that I've been missing out on and memories to make.

Michelle (00:17:37) - And I don't know about you, but for me personally, I when I was in that season of disordered eating and body dysmorphia and all of that, I felt like my memories were just like ruined. Because the whole time that I would be on a trip or doing whatever, I was thinking about how I looked the whole time, or I was thinking about how many calories were in the food. And so now when I look back on those memories, that's what I remember. I don't remember the conversations I was having or like, who was there or what. You know, I don't remember stuff like that. I remember how I felt about my body, which is so depressing. But when you're in the middle of it, you don't realize, you know? Yeah. I was like, I was so excited for you. Because towards the end of the program, you took a trip to Italy and it was so cool to see you now experience vacations and other countries with a whole new lens, you know, how was that for you?

Danielle (00:18:34) - Yeah, it's crazy because the trip I mentioned when I was like, I can't live like this anymore, kind of at the beginning of trying to normalize again, even before this program was also Italy.

Danielle (00:18:44) - So to see the two trips in comparison is just crazy because like, I had no anxiety about food on this trip and if body image anxiety came up, I knew what to do was like, okay, here are the tools. Like move along. Like, you know, a lot of just like move along. And I'm not going to think about this right now. Like I can get back and I could journal and just try to like, make it better. But I'm not going to think about this right now. And just to speak to your point of like, the memories felt like when I was in that disordered way of eating and feeling about my body and how it looked, I kind of would describe it as like a lifeless, weak soul version of myself and my. Perception of things like was very numb and now did not feel that way to like get genuine happiness from like a trip, right? Like a vacation to like my favorite place or like a moment with my boyfriend or my family or my dog or or whatever.

Danielle (00:19:45) - It was like impossible seeming to me at the beginning of this program that that would ever happen, because I really thought I was like so deep in this at this point, I was like, what can possibly change this? I really can't imagine. Yeah. And like, it's sad because I would definitely describe myself as like a vibrant, passionate, loving person. So yeah, when I was in that disordered way of eating and being, I just didn't. I wasn't that. So I feel like I'm getting myself back.

Michelle (00:20:15) - Yeah, I love that for you. What do you think was different about this type of approach versus what you've done before? I would say.

Danielle (00:20:24) - This is probably like the most holistic way that I've ever handled in my life. I can sit here and advocate for mental health, all that I want until I start prioritizing mental health in my own life. You know, I wasn't living like a holistic lifestyle. I was neglecting my own mental health. And to be like, it's so much easier to just like, eat the ice cream when I'm like, this is great for me right now because it's totally feeding my spirit.

Danielle (00:20:57) - And I could feel that. So I kind of like relearn, like, I can eat this because I can eat this because I can eat whatever I want, you know? Yeah, that that was good for me to approach it from like that mindset lens was so important for me and is always, yeah when it comes to nutrition. Have never, ever seen nutrition advice that tells you to think about your mental health in a preventative way at all, and then, you know, go figure. We're all sliding down the slippery flow of disordered eating at this point because everyone's like, well, being thin is what means that you're healthy. Like, no, no, it doesn't, you know? Um, so yeah, what I used to think of as this is me being the healthiest version of me is so dramatically different than what I learned in this program. And I really think, like, the mindset portion, the portion that considers your mental health integrated in the nutrition and like making those mindful choices for your body and then like to feel good, that's like transformative because you could tell anybody like eat this and that.

Danielle (00:22:10) - And the macro counting the track, like you can't keep up with that forever. So I'd say this is this is definitely like the definition of a sustainable. Like if you want sustainability in your life and therefore stability like this is the kind of program that will give you that.

Michelle (00:22:27) - Yeah, love that stability too. Yeah. Because it's so easy to just jump from thing to thing and read this book, listen to that podcast, try this quick fix and it just feels like chaos, you know? And like, what am I doing? Nothing is working. It's so up and down. Yeah. So what made you actually want to do this then? You know, like was there some sort of point where you were like, okay, it's either I continue doing what I'm doing or I try something new, like, I guess, what did that decision making point look like for you to go ahead and start this process and.

Danielle (00:23:06) - It's funny, like I.

Michelle (00:23:09) - I had just.

Danielle (00:23:10) - Clicked on your ad in like on Instagram and didn't think, like, I'm definitely doing this.

Danielle (00:23:16) - You know, like you can remember I thought about it for a while. I messaged you a lot of questions like, I'm just a very like thorough person. So everything that you had to say was like, that sounds legit. That sounds good. So you just like you help ease my mind a little bit about how this is like, this is what I needed to get where I truly knew I could be, you know, like and I knew at this point it gave me so much anxiety just to like, try to use this and try to use Noom and try to use like, try to track on my phone instead, like try to do another less structured way. Like, you know, I was like, I'm so done with like reaching out to these sources and trying all these different things that really are working and most importantly, were like just keeping my anxiety at like in all time. I was like, I just don't want to live like this every day of my life. And like, I just have to go out there and try something.

Danielle (00:24:14) - So I just yeah, I went out on a limb and just tried it.

Michelle (00:24:18) - Yeah. What did you say? It was worth it.

Danielle (00:24:21) - Definitely worth it. I remember saying to like, my my boyfriend was like, so I did this thing and it's something I think I've needed to do for a really long time. Yeah. So it felt really good to just commit to the process and just, like, enroll and know that. Then I had, you know, these months stretched out ahead of me that I would be in something, that I'd be doing something for myself. You know, it felt like an investment in myself. And it was so worth my time, my money, my everything. Like even just the connections that I made with the other people in the community were so valuable. And all of the coaching that you gave throughout the whole program's so helpful, and it's just something that I feel is going to just follow me, like forever, really. Like these are things I was never taught in my whole life.

Danielle (00:25:16) - These are things we're just not taught. Yeah, that was a very long, you know, starts here.

Michelle (00:25:21) - No, I loved it. That was so good, I love it. I think you did a fabulous job of prioritizing yourself throughout this process. And what I mean by that is just continuing to like, reach out to me and to our other coach, Danny, and to like everybody in the group like. You were crushing it, even though you had all of these things going like you are a busy lady with school and with like all the stuff you had going on, but you were just you continued to prioritize it and put it first. And I think that your progress is a really good testament to that. And what happens when you do make your own growth and your own journey top priority? So with that being said, do you have any words of wisdom or advice for somebody who has like just enrolled and they're thinking about like, all right, I've got this process ahead of me.

Danielle (00:26:18) - Yeah, I've really prioritized it. Like really prioritized it. So even though I didn't really have quote the time for it like that didn't. Didn't matter because I was like, have to do this because I want to do this. And every time, did it just reinforce that I didn't keep doing it because it made me feel better, you know, and it made like life easier. And I would say the other piece of advice is like, don't be afraid to like, really face and embrace the scary things that are going to come up because like, you're going to like relive some of that stuff that gave you a lot of pain in your past. But it's cool now. Like, I love to just like own up to that and be like, okay, that's what's happening right now. And it's not something that I can't work on. Like I can work on this. So yeah, I would say, don't be afraid to face that stuff and just kind of embrace it and feel like the process and your coaching specifically is just so compassionate and like you, you know, you make us own our wins and not be so afraid when we slip up or we make a mistake and you tell us, like, you know, that's just knowledge for us now.

Danielle (00:27:32) - Now we just know that and we can learn from that. And just like, move on. And I'm so self-critical that I've really needed that. Like I needed like a gentle it's okay, keep going. So yeah, just keep going. Like just once you're role just like follow the steps and keep going.

Michelle (00:27:51) - I love it. What would you say to somebody who hasn't made that decision yet? And they're thinking about taking this step and enrolling.

Danielle (00:27:59) - Oh, man. It's like a similar kind of piece of advice where it's like, don't be afraid to face the reality of what's going on in your life. It's hard to admit, like, okay, I have a problem. It doesn't matter what it's called. It doesn't matter. Like the labels of anything. It's just I have a problem that's making me not enjoy my life. So I've really need to step up and take care of myself. So, so important. It really just has shaped the entire, like, the entirety of my life. Like how I see and view and feel everything.

Danielle (00:28:42) - You know it. Just every day I'm reminded like, good thing I did that. Good thing I'm continuing to do this, you know, because it doesn't end once the program is over. Um, but it was so important for me to face it and be like, I really need to do something about this.

Michelle (00:28:59) - Yeah, yeah. I think what I'm hearing from you is like, don't be afraid to do the deep work because it's so incredibly worth it when you get on the other side and you get this sense of like empowerment, that you can get through it and that you'll be able to continue to get through whatever comes up in the future.

Danielle (00:29:17) - Absolutely. Like that sense of empowerment has helped so much with my anxiety. You know, like the what if I can't do this? What if it will never change? What if I'm unfixable? Like all of the terrible anxious thoughts that come to your mind when you're thinking about starting something big and transformative and you're unsure, you know, just my advice would be to just do it, to just do it eventually.

Danielle (00:29:47) - It helps all of that anxiety.

Michelle (00:29:50) - Yeah, it's so good. I mean, you're just equipped, like super equipped for the rest of your life, which is really cool to see and know that, like, I can send you off confidently being like, Danielle's got it, you know?

Danielle (00:30:03) - Yeah, absolutely. And don't know if anyone out there listening is coming from a similar point as me. But at the beginning of the program I was in like a restriction mindset. So one of my biggest reservations for enrolling in the program was like that fear of weight gain. I was like, if I let go of all of this control, I do not know what is going to happen. And anxious mind is not like that. And the controlling of the food was definitely a way like put a bandaid on my anxiety. It's like, well, I don't know what's going to happen today, but at least I can count my calories and feel like did something right. It's so sad to even say that out loud.

Danielle (00:30:45) - That's just how I felt, you know? So then at the beginning of the program, when I had to just be like, I was really like, if enroll, I'm committing, like, I'm going to listen to what she says. I'm going to do my best. I really don't want to live like this anymore. But the fear of gaining weight was really strong. It was like the biggest thing that made me not want to enroll was like, but then I have to stop trying to, like, get to my goal weight or whatever it was. And I had to let that go. And that was like the first step for me at the beginning of the program. Just like committing to the program, I know that even throughout the program, some people still struggle and even me too. Like, you know, you just think I kind of want to lose weight though, but then it just gets less prioritized and like dimmer, like you're saying to the point of like, now, I honestly haven't thought about this the other day.

Danielle (00:31:37) - There's like a very strong chance. I was like, maybe I just do this for a whole year, and I just really don't try to lose any weight at all. You know, those thoughts still come in like I asked it at the end of the program. Like, is it possible to still lose weight and be intuitive over? I was curious, and it's good that I know we talked about that, but I really just I'm like, this is such a great way to live. Like, think I'm just going to keep doing this and keep working on my fitness in a way that I enjoy and like, see, you end up in a year, you know, like, what's the worst thing that can happen? And that is dramatically different from the beginning of the program, when just like was so afraid to enroll because I thought, now all of my goals were sabotaged. Yeah. You know, and now I'm like, that's not a goal anymore. And if it is, it's a very, very low one and it's just not there at my priorities anymore.

Michelle (00:32:30) - Yeah. I think what you're describing there is that like make or break place of, well, what am I going to prioritize? Am I going to continue to prioritize chasing my dream body, even though the last years of my life doing that have led me further and further into a dark hole of anxiety and and just a joyless life? Or do I want to prioritize learning to live my life, accepting where I'm at, being okay with changes, obviously still pursuing health. You know, like half of the program's name is nourished. I still want you to be nourished and take care of your health, but the other half is free. I want you to be free from that like obsessive roller coaster of thinking about your body and food and and needing that control because it is like it's beautiful what happens on the other side, you know?

Danielle (00:33:24) - Yeah, learning to be free as an adult is just something I've never done. Like, you go from being a child where you feel free to then kind of learning the rules of life and the way that you should be and.

Danielle (00:33:41) - Should be. And then, like learning how to be free as an adult, it's kind of like developing your own sense of morality and your values. And we talk about it a lot, but it's just thought I had to keep these rules to like, feel safe, because that's how I was safe as a child. And that's I was taught right and wrong and black and white, and this is how life has to be. And yeah, it led me down a joyless path. And now that I'm just learned how to just, like, bend a little bit and like, enjoy things a little bit more, and now just feel like I'm learning how to live my life as an adult. It's just crazy. It's just something you never think you're going to have to learn. But I was really giving myself this rigid way of living that was so miserable, and I just thought for some reason it would make me feel like safe or superior or whatever it was, but it's it. It just made me anxious.

Michelle (00:34:38) - Like, yeah, it's so cool to see you on this side of things and your journey and your progress is like, yeah, we've been cheering you on since day one. And every, every week we just would get more and more excited about your wins and. What do you think is your number one biggest win that you're the most excited about? After coming out of this process.

Danielle (00:35:02) - I'm going to have to think about this one because I loved posting my wins. I actually was like, maybe I'll just try to journal with my wins instead of like, you know, would go to the group. And I'm so excited to, like, type it out and post it and somebody would like, like it or say something. And now I'm like, all right, I'm going to have to validate myself and put it in my journal. Yeah. You know, but like that's okay too. Like it's cool that I'm still winning. You know, every day it it really reframed me like focusing less than what was negative and what was positive.

Danielle (00:35:36) - So that's just a quick side note on the wins in general.

Michelle (00:35:38) - Well, you can always send it to me if you want. I will not be mad.

Danielle (00:35:44) - On Instagram one day. Just like throwing it out there I would.

Michelle (00:35:49) - Yeah, I would love that. For real.

Danielle (00:35:51) - Yeah, I almost feel like it's the small ones that grow to be like the biggest win of all. Like, even when I go to like the other day I went to eat some cookies after like a big lunch after a big workout. And instead of being like, I don't need those cookies, I shouldn't or like, I went to almost like check the calories. And I was like, I'm not doing that anymore. And then just like, just ate a cookie and then like, I ate another one. And then I was good to go and I was like, happy. And I moved on and didn't feel too full. And it just feels great to just be proving to myself that this work every single day.

Danielle (00:36:29) - The exercise, I would say ironically, that wasn't a big goal of mine at the beginning of the program, but the happiness and the joy that I feel from fitness again is probably my biggest win, because it was something I enjoyed so much, and then it became just so monotonous and painful, you know? And now it's not anymore. It's fun again. It brings me joy again to move my body and to also, like, learn what I need to rest my body like. Those were pretty big wins for me because it just it's a piece of every day that I can be happy about without being like, it's a way to achieve my goal. Body like that's big. Yeah.

Michelle (00:37:12) - Yeah, I love that. I'm so happy for you too, that you can enjoy exercise. And that's like, I don't know, that's just so cool to hear because you can have such a toxic relationship with it so easily, but it really is so awesome when you enjoy it. And it's not a form of punishment or a means to earn calories or anything.

Michelle (00:37:33) - It's just like getting back to who you are created to be as a human. Like you are just point blank, created to move. You're supposed to move. You're supposed to use your body. And when you like, take advantage of that. It's it just feels good. And I love when people can rediscover that and get to that place again, because it can feel impossible for sure.

Danielle (00:37:58) - Yeah. I mean, you know, I love to share my wins, but I'm thinking too, like food wise, it's just incredible that I used to be so stressed around food, about food, tracking food, what's in the food. And now it's just like, I don't care anymore and I don't focus on it. So now I just like enjoy food again. I don't experience being overfull, like almost ever. I can't remember the last time I felt like after dinner I was too full. Like just even when I'm eating and realizing, like I'm getting full, it's just something I never, ever, ever knew how to do.

Danielle (00:38:35) - So that's just so it's so satisfying. Like, that's the word because like, I love food. I'm. Like that. You enjoy it again. I'm like, this is great. Like I can just enjoy food like this rod, you know?

Michelle (00:38:49) - Yeah.

Danielle (00:38:50) - It's just so part of, like, my life, you know? It's like part of my culture, my family. When you travel, when you're with your partner and you're just, like, enjoying food together, it's just great to enjoy it again and, like, feel satisfied and feel nourished. Perfect word and just kind of like, move along. It's just so great not to be focused on like food, exercise, my body. Like it's not my focus anymore.

Michelle (00:39:15) - Yeah, yeah, I love it. Well, I feel like I need to congratulate you for all of your amazing wins. Awesome. How awesome this is. And yeah, I just like again, I feel like this is cheesy to say, but I just am really proud of you for how far you've come and where you started versus where you are now.

Michelle (00:39:35) - It's amazing. And it wouldn't have been possible without you just genuinely being like, all right, I'm going to do this. And having that courage to despite all of your fears, right? Because it's not like they weren't there. But you decided. No, it's more important that I don't let my fear decide my future for me. And instead, I'm going to decide my future for me. And I want it to be full of life and joy and peace. And you put in the work to make that happen.

Danielle (00:40:06) - Yeah. I want to thank you because it was really just like, probably the most emotionally intimate program experience connection I've ever had before with somebody who was trying to help me feel better. All of the doctors and therapists and things like, truly, it was just like the vulnerability that, you know, you allow in this group. I know that sounds weird, but I never felt strange to just say something and just put it out there. And the vulnerability of the other people in the program and you and Danny and just everybody, it really was just it made me do my best, really.

Danielle (00:40:45) - It made me feel like comfortable to do that. So thank you.

Michelle (00:40:50) - My pleasure. Seriously, it's such an honor.