Losing Her Mind Because She Couldn't Quit Food (client confessional with Liane)

From secretive snack theft to a relentless binge-and-fast cycle, Liane was struggling to have a healthy relationship with food and after trying every diet under the sun, she'd had enough of the chaos and craved control.

Fast forward to now—Liane's been living the binge-free dream for over 5 months! 🥳

In this episode, Liane shares her journey with binge eating and the impact it had on her life, her faith, and her relationship with her son. Discover how she embraced food freedom with the right tools that equipped her to be binge-free for life.

Ready to be inspired? 🌟 From battling binge eating to embracing bliss, her story is a testament to how determination and community can completely change your life.

🎁 GIVEAWAY DETAILS 🎁 

Enter for a chance to win a complimentary 1:1 session with me! 🎉 

How to enter ⬇️ 

On Apple Podcasts or Spotify, submit a rating or review of the show and then take a screenshot of your rating/review. Email the screenshot along with your first name to michelle@yatesnutrition.com by end of day Sunday, February 11th. Winner will be chosen Monday the 12th and announced in the show notes of that week's episode! Winner will be contacted privately for next steps. 😍

Connect with Liane: 

Podcast

TOPICS COVERED 👇 

Liane's story (00:03:32)

Struggling with binge eating (00:04:16)

Seeking solutions (00:06:17)

Impact of binge eating (00:09:58)

Finding hope and transformation (00:12:33)

Enjoying freedom (00:15:33)

Overcoming old challenges (00:19:53)

Eating in Secret and Rebuilding Trust (00:25:12)

Community Support in the program (00:31:53)

Breaking Free from Fear (00:37:26)

LEARN MORE
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📖 Check out my Blog for tons of helpful articles

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Transcript

Michelle (00:00:00) - Welcome back to the show. Today is a big day. It is our 50th episode and I am kind of shocked that I've made it this far, but also not because I really enjoy doing the podcast and I wanted to take a beat and just thank you, the listener, wherever you are, whether you're in your car or listening while you do laundry or working out or cooking in the kitchen, I just want to take a second and say thank you. Of all the podcast in the world, and of all the ways that you choose to spend your time, you've chosen to spend it with me in some capacity. If you're a listener of this show, and that means a lot. I absolutely love this show and I'm really proud of what it's become. So the fact that I get to share it with so many of you is really big to me. To celebrate this milestone, I am giving away a complimentary one on one session with me. So if you've ever wanted to sit down and chat with me personally about your nutrition or your relationship with food, or how to overcome things like binge eating, chronic dieting, food, stress, whatever it is, or if you just want to chat with me for literally any reason, now is the time to do it. To enter for a chance to win, simply leave me a rating or review, which you can only do on Spotify or Apple, and then send me a screenshot of your rating or review, because I won't necessarily know that it was you unless you send me a screenshot. Then what you're going to do is email me that screenshot along with your first name, and you'll email that to Michelle Miceli at Yates nutrition.com. So once again, to enter for a chance at a complimentary 30 minute, one on one session with me, all you have to do is leave a rating or review of the show, send me a screenshot of that rating or review once you've submitted it, and then email me that screenshot at Michelle at Yates Nutrition Comm. And go ahead and include your first name in the email as well. Then once I get everybody's entries, I'm going to put them into a randomizer and pick a winner. All entries need to be in by February 11th, which is a Sunday night, so be sure you send me your entries by then that way, I can pick a winner on Monday and announce it on Tuesday's episode, which is the 13th. I will announce it in the show notes. I will also reach out to you personally if you actually did win the session, and talk with you about how we can get it set up. I hope to see your rating and thank you again for being a listener. It means a lot and I hope that I get to chat with you in a one on one. Now let's get back to the show where I'm interviewing my previous client, Liane. Welcome to Nourished and Free The Podcast, a show dedicated to helping you create a healthy and realistic relationship around food, your body, and all things wellness. I'm your host, Michelle Yates, a registered dietitian specializing in eating disorders and disordered eating, as well as health psychology. If you're new here, welcome to what might possibly be your new favorite show? If you enjoy digging into topics like nutrition and mental health, we talk about that a lot here. You'll love the show if you're interested in topics like eating disorders, debunking popular wellness trends, body image, food psychology, and any other challenges that we face today with our relationship with food, be sure you subscribe so you won't miss when a new dose of nourishing free magic drops. Let's dig into today's episode. So today I'm super excited to have my client Liane on the show. She's going to talk about her experience working through Nourished and Free, which is my signature program, and I'm excited for you to hear her story. I think she's definitely relatable in a lot of ways to so many people, and I know her story is also unique in a lot of ways to the other stories that I've had on the show before. So I think this is going to be awesome. So thanks for being here. I'm super.

Liane (00:03:32) - I'm super excited. I have the pleasure. I was so excited to be able to come on here. So good.

Michelle (00:03:37) - You're awesome. So fill the listeners in on how long it's been since you wrapped up your four months working with me.

Liane (00:03:43) - So it's been about a month since we finished working together. Um, so it's actually been just about five months since I've had a binge. Wow. They pretty much since day one. There was a few episodes of overeating, but no binging since the day I started the program.

Michelle (00:04:02) - Amazing. And so walk us through before you started then how often were was the binging happening? Was that the main thing you were struggling with? Was there anything else kind of walk us through your relationship with food before?

Liane (00:04:16) - Sure, sure. So before joining the program, I was bingeing pretty much more days out of the week than not. Would like fast, completely free from food for like anywhere from 24 to 72 hours. And then when I did allow myself to eat, I would just not be able to stop. And I was convinced if I could just stay away from food long enough, I could get a hold of the binging like it was the food that was causing the binging, and it was the food choices that were causing me to binge.

Liane (00:04:52) - So I would not allow myself to have different kinds of foods, even in the house, because I couldn't trust myself around them if. They were there, I was going to eat the whole package. It didn't matter. Yeah. And it I mean, it was probably if I go back, like I was thinking earlier this week, I'm like, man, how long is it been that I would like my very first ever binge on food? I think my son was probably an infant and he's 15 now. Wow.

Michelle (00:05:20) - That's a long time.

Liane (00:05:21) - It is. It's a long time. I mean, it would be stretches, periods of time where I didn't, you know, I did really well on diets and I'd lost. There's tons of weight on a diet. And then something would happen and I would be like, you know what? I'm just going to take a break for a couple of weeks, and a couple of weeks would turn into a couple months, which would turn into a year. And the next thing you know, I'm back where I started and needing in my mind, needing to go on a diet again because I gained a ton of weight when it was really never the issue.

Michelle (00:05:50) - So I'm curious about like your thought process of okay, if I just fast enough, then eventually this binge urge will just like kick to the curb and it'll be done. It'll be over with. Do you feel like some of that? Belief about this issue you're having with food came from your history with addiction. And I mean, the listeners would probably benefit to hear more about that part of your story, too, if you want to share that.

Liane (00:06:17) - Yeah, absolutely. I actually that's actually a really good point, because I am a recovered heroin addict. Since 2007, I haven't used heroin, and in my mind I was like, okay, you were able to quit heroin, you were able to quit alcohol, weed, prescription pills. Like all of the things that I dabbled in, I was able to quit all of those things. How can I not get a handle on food? Yeah, right. Like, how is this such a big deal? But subconsciously there was this thought like, well, with drugs and alcohol, it's abstinence.

Liane (00:06:52) - If you abstain, you'll never use again, right? Like, if I just don't pick up, there's a lot more that goes into not picking up. But that bass thing is that first drink gets you drunk. That first drug gets you high. So kind of subconsciously in the back of my mind was like, well, maybe if I don't eat. I won't binge. Yeah.

Michelle (00:07:17) - Which like. You're not wrong. Like not eating. You won't binge necessarily because you're not eating. But the problem is that you do have to eat at some point.

Liane (00:07:29) - Exactly, exactly. Like food is not something you can completely abstain from, no matter how hard you try. Even at the beginning of 2023, I participated in a spiritual fast for 21 days, and going into it, I had counsel from people that had done it before and they're like, listen, you can't. Just go water for 21 days. You can't do that. You need to add a multivitamin. You need to add like a super greens mix.

Liane (00:08:02) - You need to make sure you're drinking broth multiple times a day with high levels of sodium, because you will not make it and end up in the hospital. If you go on pure water alone. Yeah, so even that is like I did it. I can pleted the fast. And then I managed to not binge for like three weeks. After that, I binged and the whole cycle started back over again. Um, but it can't be complete abstinence because you'll die. Yeah. Like your body needs food to fuel itself and, yeah, to be sustainable.

Michelle (00:08:39) - Yeah. So that's that's so tricky when you are coming from an addiction background and you're so used to this abstinence model, and then you are now struggling with what can feel like an addiction to food when you are struggling with bingeing. And so your first thought is like, okay, abstinence, but wait, but wait, I can't do that. So what do I do?

Liane (00:08:59) - What do I do? Yeah. So what if I just abstain three days a week? Or what if I just abstain from sugar and carbs? Or what if I, you know, I did Weight Watchers for a long time? And what if I only eat zero point foods all day and then I can have this huge, calorie dense filling? Binge worthy meal at dinnertime.

Liane (00:09:27) - Yeah. You know, is. The different types of abstinence. It wasn't necessarily complete starvation all the time. There were definitely periods where I tried to eat healthier throughout my day, but it was I was always abstaining from something.

Michelle (00:09:42) - So how do you feel like? These cycles of trying to abstain in different ways and dieting and all of that, but then still struggling with bingeing. What kind of effect and impact did that leave on you?

Liane (00:09:58) - I didn't know what was wrong with me. I really thought I was like, losing my mind. You know, I would wake up in the morning and my first thought in the morning and be like, okay, when am I allowed to eat today? Mm. What am I going to be allowed to eat today? If I eat that, am I going to be able to stop? Like my first waking thoughts in the morning were always about food and eating. And. Just feeling literally like I was just losing my mind and that it was an addiction and that I somehow had to break the addiction and everything I was trying.

Liane (00:10:32) - I didn't see it at the time, but it was making it worse. Yeah, it was making my, um, obsession with food and trying to control my weight worse. Right? So, I mean, physically and healthwise, my weight would fluctuate from really high to really low to really I'd or really low I there was never a happy middle ground where I was just healthy. And I avoided the doctor because I either didn't want to be told that I was unhealthy because I wasn't eating enough, or I didn't want to be told I was unhealthy because my weight was too high. Yeah. So I never went to the doctor. So there's so many different things from the the spiritual. Right. Like I'm a Christian and I refused to pray because I didn't want God to be disappointed in me because I couldn't be a good steward of his body that he gave me. Right. Um, so spiritually, I was impacted emotionally, I thought I was going crazy physically. I felt sick all the time, whether I ate too much or I didn't eat enough.

Liane (00:11:33) - Yeah. And then I looked at my kid and I'm like, what am I doing to him? Because he sees this behavior and he sees it as normal to go for, oh, mom's just on a fast. I'm going to avoid her because she's hungry right now because she's fasting. Right. But then to see me break the fast with a whole bag of Oreos, he thinks that's normal. Piss it down and eat a whole bag of cookies in one sitting. Mhm.

Michelle (00:11:58) - So you had that extra layer of guilt coming in about like, yeah. What is this example that I'm setting for my son right now.

Liane (00:12:04) - Right. Yeah. 100%. Yeah. And not wanting him to struggle the way I've struggled for the better part of my adult life. Right.

Michelle (00:12:13) - Yeah. So I mean, I feel like I remember around the time that we started talking about having you join, you're in a pretty dark place. Feeling pretty hopeless, feeling like. I mean, how would you describe that?

Liane (00:12:30) - I honestly had just.

Liane (00:12:33) - Started to convince myself there was nothing more I could do, that this was just going to be my life. Fasting and bingeing. Hopefully reaching a healthy weight somewhere in the middle. Right. Hoping and praying that by fasting and maybe someday it would break off of me. The binging would. But having literally no hope because I tried everything, I tried. Weight watchers and intermittent fasting and then just full throttle. Fasting for days on end and the keto. I tried keto for a while, but. I like rice too much. Um. You can do it. Um. What else? Oh, clean eating. Right. Like reading every label to make sure that I wasn't eating anything, quote unquote dirty and.

Michelle (00:13:24) - Such.

Liane (00:13:24) - A scam. Just. It was. I was like, I can't. And then My Fitness Pal was another one that I did, um, calorie counting. Like, I knew I don't even remember anymore. I've completely washed my brain of all that, but I used to know how many calories were in a grave.

Liane (00:13:41) - Yeah, like I used to know that. Yeah. And I used to be like, oh, well, you know, I didn't run three miles today, so I really can't have those grapes. Um, so when we first met, like, I remember I had prayed and like, God, I don't know what to do anymore. I can't keep living like this. I can't keep doing this. I'm miserable. I don't want to be around people I was I would avoid social situations if there was going to be food, because a I was either fasting and it would be too tempting to eat the food or be I was restricting what I was allowing myself to eat. So is there even going to be food there that I can eat? Yeah, right. I'm not going to be able to read the labels of the ingredients. Yeah. So may even be allowed to eat this food. So I was, it was just completely just like an addiction does, was completely cutting me off from society and from God and from and I did I remember I prayed and I was like, I don't know what to do.

Liane (00:14:36) - I've hit a wall here, Lord. I'm just. I guess I'm just going to keep fasting until it breaks. And then I was on Instagram numbing, you know, numbing scrolling. So that's what they call it. Like just scrolling, trying to not think about life. And this sponsored real came up on my feet and I was like, huh, that sounds just like me. She sounds just like me. So I, like, scoped your profile and in your stories, you had something about growing up Christian and having, like, a faith background. So I was like, oh, huh. That's interesting. Maybe this is an answer to my prayer. So I started talking to you and it was a little because nothing else had worked before. So I was a little skeptical. I'm like, well, how is this going to work? And here I am five months later, binge free. Yeah.

Michelle (00:15:33) - So, I mean, do you feel like because there was a lot of skepticism, there was even this feeling of like.

Michelle (00:15:40) - I'm hopeless. How do I know that anything is? Well, do you feel like it was worth finding a way to make it work?

Liane (00:15:47) - 100%. Yeah. When I know beyond a shadow of a doubt. If I hadn't, nothing would have changed. Who knows what kind of what where I would be emotionally like I could have, for all I know, have had a breakdown or or something. You know, I don't want to put that on myself because it didn't happen. But yeah, where I was and where I could have ended up being had I not. Invested in myself through the program. I can't even imagine what that would look like. And like, I think back over the things that I did like over the summer, even like things that I would have missed out on. Yeah, right. Like I took my son on a vacation, a week long vacation at the beach, and I never would have done that if I was still bingeing it. Wouldn't have wanted to be seen in public, like, yeah, and I sat on a beach in a bathing suit and ate it.

Liane (00:16:44) - Right? Yes. And I yeah, I enjoyed it and I didn't binge. It's actually kind of funny that I'm bringing that up, because just last night I was moving some things around in like my little entryway, mudroom, and the cooler that we had brought to the beach with us was still in the entryway. I was like, oh, I can't believe we haven't put this away yet. So I go to give it to my son like, hey, can you go put this in the garage? And when I picked it up, it clanked, I was like, oh, there's stuff in here. I figured it was just ice packs. I open it and I kid you not, there were still snacks from the beach in there.

Michelle (00:17:16) - No way.

Liane (00:17:18) - I was like, what is this? There's a food in here that never in my previous life would have lasted a whole week. Never mind months after. Like they went in the trash, like, I'm not keeping this stuff, but. Yeah.

Michelle (00:17:33) - Like prepping food.

Liane (00:17:35) - Oh, yeah. Like, oh, it was like some chips and some, like, caramel popcorn or something.  But yeah. I was like, I can't believe that this stuff lasted all the way through vacation. And then months later, I'm throwing it away because I totally even forgot that it was in the cooler.

Michelle (00:17:54) - I remember you sharing a picture from when you went on that trip and or to the beach, and you were just like. Happy, you know? And you're like, yeah, I enjoyed this with my son. And before I would have been, I would have either not gone or I would have been too preoccupied by thoughts of my body or thoughts of the food, and my son would have been impacted by that and not experienced me as well, and not had as much fun with me. And, you know, like it's it was so cool to see. That you mom was doing great. Which? Positively then impacted your son and yep, then you were both great.

Michelle (00:18:33) - You know what I mean? Like it's yeah, it rubs off on. Yeah.

Liane (00:18:36) - We were and there was no, um. There was no like googling menus before going to a restaurant. I shouldn't say there was no googling menus, right? There was no googling menus for me. It was mostly to see if they had chicken fingers so my kid would eat something, right? Like like, okay, is there any. Do they have chicken fingers and fries? Because I really want seafood tonight. If they don't have chicken fingers, we're not going. Yeah. That was the only time that we really had to Google the menu, was to see if there was something that he would eat. There wasn't because I was checking for a healthy, not healthy because I. Definitely still picked the healthier options just because that's what my body craves, right? But I wasn't looking to see like, okay, what are the points values for these menu options? Right? I wasn't calculating calories on my app to figure out if there was anything, and if I did want to eat at this restaurant, well, I can't have lunch.

Liane (00:19:34) - Yeah, right. I didn't not have lunch because we were going to go have tacos for dinner, you know, I mean, I still had lunch and I still had tacos.

Michelle (00:19:43) - Yeah. Can't forget the time.

Liane (00:19:45) - And it was okay, right? It was okay. The world did not implode and my pants still fit.

Michelle (00:19:53) - And and something that you said to that I think you kind of breezed over it. It probably just feels so natural to you at this point. But I know for a lot of people it doesn't feel natural is that you were craving healthier foods. And I think that's like a side effect that a lot of people don't anticipate when they heal their relationship with food and they overcome binging. And all of that is that now their relationship with healthy foods is also quite different, and they're able to see it differently and they still like, now you can eat those foods out of it. Pure desire to. And because you're like, that actually sounds good instead of this need because of the point values, which then just leads to a binge later too, you know, exactly how has that been for you to have not only a different relationship with the foods that you used to use to binge on, but now, like you're healthy foods that maybe used to be your enemy a little bit because they were the only foods you could eat.

Michelle (00:20:49) - You know.

Liane (00:20:50) - I might have shared this in the channel when I was in the group that a coworker had mentioned, because my dad had been in the hospital and he was came home, and he immediately started to clean up all of his snacks and junk food, and he was throwing, well, this chocolate. And she's like, oh no, no, no, no, no, bring it in and I'll eat it. I'll take it. And she's like, oh my gosh, that's my weakness. And I sat back because we were imaging on the computer and I sat back and I was like. What? Huh? What? Candy. Can I not resist? And even now I'm like, I like different types of chocolates and I like candies, but. There's nothing that I look at and be like, oh my gosh, don't let me near that, because I'll eat all of it. You know, I might have one just for the taste.

Michelle (00:21:43) - For, you know, baby. But yeah.

Liane (00:21:44) - Just like being able to sit back and be like, Holy cow, I don't have. A nemesis in food anymore, like I don't. I think it was. Right before I call it graduating. Right before graduating the program, I was cleaning out a cabinet and, you know, just had this one really awkward cabinet. It's the corner one in my kitchen. And the way the door is, it's just like it's deep and it's dark and stuff just gets pushed. Like, yeah, stuff gets lost all the way in the back. And I was looking for something and I'm like, move and stuff around looking for it. And this package of ooey gooey bars that I used to get every week. And I would there was a it was a package of four ooey gooey bars, and I would cut them each into four, and I was only allowed to have a quarter of an ooey gooey bar every day. That was it. That was all I was allowed to do. And it was supposed to last two weeks.

Liane (00:22:42) - It never lasted two days, maybe.

Michelle (00:22:45) - Yeah.

Liane (00:22:46) - There was still.

Michelle (00:22:47) - So much for the cutting in the rules. Yeah, exactly. Out the window.

Liane (00:22:52) - Didn't even matter because.

Michelle (00:22:54) - All that time wasted cutting them up.

Liane (00:22:59) - Yeah, such a waste.

Liane (00:23:02) - But that I, like, pull it out. I'm like, what is this? And I'm like, oh my gosh, it's ooey gooey bars. And the date on it was April of 2023. Yeah. And I want to say it was October when I threw them away.

Michelle (00:23:15) - That's awesome.

Liane (00:23:17) - It wasn't April, it was June. It was June because I had them before I started, like the date, like that week that I started the program, my grocery run. So it was June. Yeah. And then I threw them away and I'm like completely untouched and like no desire for me to even check to see if they were still good. Right? Because they're so loaded with preservatives and stuff. They were probably so good. But I didn't even check.

Liane (00:23:38) - I was like, oh my gosh, these are four months old. Throw them away.

Michelle (00:23:42) - Yeah.

Liane (00:23:43) - Yeah. But the old me would have would have questioned like, wait a minute, what if they were still okay? Yeah.

Michelle (00:23:48) - Could I make this work?

Liane (00:23:51) - Maybe if I microwave it, it won't be like a hockey puck.

Michelle (00:23:53) - Yeah, totally. I thought I've had before. Right. Like, maybe if I microwave it, whatever food I watch is microwave, and then it'll feel lLike it's fresh. It'll feel warm, right? It won't feel right.

Liane (00:24:08) - And, I mean, there were times in the past where I would get on a kick, where I would decide that I'm going completely cold turkey, no more sugar. So I would go through my cabinets and throw literally everything away and then, like, lay in bed at night wondering if it would be gross to go pull that half package of cookies out of the garbage. Like, would anybody see me if I did it at midnight? Yeah.

Michelle (00:24:38) - I think there's a lot of people that would relate to that. And it's like, I'm glad that you're saying that and talking about the eating in secret and then taking the stuff out of the garbage, or the thoughts of doing that because it's so easy to just feel a huge amount of shame about that and like, oh my gosh, that's, you know, I shouldn't be thinking that or doing that. But it's honestly so common when you're struggling with bingeing to have thoughts like that going through your head and to feel like this loss of control over yourself, you know? Yeah. So I'm glad that you don't have to deal with that anymore.

Liane (00:25:12) - There were times where I did eat my son's candy and he knew I ate his candy. And there's some repair that's still happening there just this week. I don't even remember what it was, but he's like, mom, did you eat my whatever? And I'm like. No, I don't even. Where did you even get that? Because. Did I buy that for you? Because I didn't even know we had that.

Michelle (00:25:34) - Yeah.

Liane (00:25:35) - Like I can't even remember what it was, but it was like cookies or something. I was like, I actually, honestly did not eat your cookies.

Michelle (00:25:42) - Yeah. Like, no, I'm serious, I am, I'm serious.

Liane (00:25:45) - It's not a thing anymore. That is not something that I do anymore in. But there is there's some repair that has to happen. And it's kind of similarly with addictions. Right. Like it impacts the whole family and there's a lot of repair. And I used to sponsor women in AA and they would want instant, um, reconciliation with family. And as much as our hearts want that. We've done a lot of damage and it and amends isn't just saying I'm sorry and amends is actually showing change to behaviours, right? It's saying, hey, recognising, hey, I used to do this to you all the time. I used to eat your candy in secret and hope you wouldn't notice. Yeah, I used to do that. But I don't do that anymore and I'm going to prove it to you.

Liane (00:26:36) - You can leave this candy here and it's not going to go anywhere unless you eat it. Yeah, right. Yeah. But that's a process because that trust has kind of been broken. Like I said, it's yeah, he's 15. And the better part of his life I engaged in this behavior. Yeah.

Michelle (00:26:55) - And I'm sure that was scary to to have that conversation with your son and be like, hey, this is something that I was struggling with, but also like, how much more powerful is it when you have that conversation? And it's it's coming from a place of I'm working on it though, and I'm taking this steps to repair this in myself and it will repair our relationship. Rather than a place of I'm struggling with this and I don't know what to do, and it's just going to keep happening, you know?

Liane (00:27:22) - Yeah. Oh, it's. So much better to be able to sit and have the conversation like I'm working towards healing this.

Michelle (00:27:30) - Yeah.

Liane (00:27:30) - I thank you for bearing with me while I'm healing this.

Liane (00:27:34) - And let's just work through this together so that you can know that I'm serious about this instead of like all the times before where I would just eat his candy, be like, you know, I'll buy you more. It'll be okay. I'll buy you more. Yeah. Instead of having to do that, it's just being able to have those open and honest conversations and then proving it by not eating all the food I bought for you. Yeah.

Michelle (00:28:01) - I think that's like for any listeners who struggle with that, that specific piece of being honest with, like whether it's a spouse or if you're single mom and it's your kid that it's impacting, or if it's a friend or parent or whoever it is, just to encourage you that that there's so much freedom waiting for you on the other side of that conversation, and especially when you come at it from a place like we're talking about of I am working on this, though, and I am committed to not letting this impact our relationship anymore, which it is. If you're in someone's life and you have this broken relationship with food and with your body, that's like impacting you so deeply, whether you see it or not, there is a way that that is probably damaging your relationship with other people, even just in the way they experience you if you're not very happy or whatever it is.

Michelle (00:28:56) - And so, um, yeah, just to like, encourage anybody that's feeling like a tug to start to walk in the light and talk about what they're going through and share that with other people. My hope and longing for you is that you feel the courage to do that, and that you're received with love there and grace there, because it is a sign of strength. When you can talk about stuff you're going through and say, I'm working on it, though, you know, and I'm and then obviously do work on it.

Liane (00:29:25) - Right, right. That you do actually need to do some work. There's that piece and there is. There's a component that when you're ready, like in this is something that I pulled in from. From a like you don't like. The first step isn't immediately to start making amends, or you get to a place in your recovery with whatever it is you're dealing with, that you can start to recognize what part you played and then make the amends for it. And being willing to accept the other person's viewpoint, even if it's painful.

Liane (00:30:01) - Mhm. Right. Like me sitting down with my kid and saying, hey, you know, I know that I've not always been trustworthy with your snacks and I've not always been trustworthy just as a mom. And it's made you kind of question and, and maybe even have a little bit of binge tendencies on his own because he's like, I need to eat these all right now so my mom doesn't eat them. Yeah, right. Like, I know that that's happened and working on it. And I don't want that to be part of our cycle and part of our relationship anymore. What can I do to make it right? Mm. And when he sat there and looked at me, he's like, just stop taking my food. That kind of hurt, right? Because it was like, wow, here I am, the mom. And I. My kid looks at me like I'm a thief. Like, just stop taking from me. Hmm. That was painful, but. Yeah. I was able to be like, okay, all right.

Liane (00:31:02) - I'm not going to take your food anymore, and I haven't. Yeah. He's accused me of it. But we're still working on that. So building the trust. Yeah. But that's. Yeah, but.

Liane (00:31:11) - That's the trust. That's like the crinkled paper. Right? It never gets totally flat again.

Michelle (00:31:16) - It's so powerful. There's so much good, good stuff there I, I want to circle back a little bit to when you were talking about. All of the diets you've done before and the fasting and trying to just like white knuckle and restrict away the binges. But yet you decided to do this. So what do you feel like? And now you see all this freedom right from the binging. So what do you feel like kind of from like a broad. If we zoom out, what do you feel like was different about this for you then the fasting and the Weight Watchers and the calorie counting?

Liane (00:31:53) - The big part of Nourished and Free, I think working is the group. When you get pulled into the group and you're able to see, Holy crap, I'm not the only one that thought that, like, I'm not the only one that did this.

Liane (00:32:09) - Like talking about pulling stuff out of the garbage, right? Like, oh man, I'm not the only one that's ever pulled half eaten cookies out of the garbage.

Michelle (00:32:15) - Yeah.

Liane (00:32:15) - I'm not the only one that ever hid in the closet and eat a Snickers bar. Yeah. You know, being able to recognize that.

Michelle (00:32:22) - Well, especially when you struggle with something that is so, um, shame based. It's. I think that, I mean, that's. I've had people be like, is this a one on one thing? Why is it a one on one thing? I was like, you know what? I honestly feel like it's a disservice to the client to make it just a you and me thing because. I do see the healing that comes from being in community, and so I want my clients to have that. You know, it's so cool when you guys start to relate to each other and encourage each other. And I love that you loved that, because that's what I desire.

Michelle (00:33:01) - Yeah.

Liane (00:33:02) - It was um. It was definitely one of the best. Best parts of you know, all of the content was incredible to all of the learning and all of the knowledge that I gained about my body, about food, how my body uses food, all of these different things. Yeah, um, were great, but being able to work through. Things in a group setting where other people either offer encouragement or this is what I do in that situation. Or have you tried this type of conversations instead of just having that dark silo, right, the vacuum where you're trying to do it all white knuckling, because that's my whole diet career was trying to white knuckle. There was a brief period of time where I did Weight Watchers with some people from work, and we had like a contest to see who could lose the most weight. And I was so proud of myself when I won, but it wasn't in a good way. Yeah. And it was part of what contributed to my bingeing. Yeah. So being able to to talk to other people virtually and hear their stories and be able to offer encouragement as much as receive encouragement is a huge, huge deal.

Liane (00:34:27) - We were created for a community. We weren't meant to live life alone.

Michelle (00:34:31) - Yeah, absolutely. So what would you say if somebody was considering this process and they're struggling with bingeing? They're struggling with feeling like hopeless and, um, like they've tried everything and they're skeptical and they're like, I don't know, I'm almost just going to accept that this is my life at this point. Um, but they happen to be considering joining Nourish and Free. Do you have any? Pearls of wisdom for them or any thoughts that you want to share.

Liane (00:35:01) - If you're able, just give it a shot because. I was very skeptical. Yeah. And even briefly, I was like this. What if it's a scam?

Liane (00:35:16) - Right? Like I found this girl on Instagram.

Michelle (00:35:19) - Yeah. You're very similar to me.

Michelle (00:35:21) - I would also be. I mean, skeptics are welcome here because that is how I am too. I get it.

Liane (00:35:26) - So and I was like googling to see if you were a real person and yeah.

Liane (00:35:31) - And you know, your business in where you live came up and I was like, oh, okay.

Michelle (00:35:37) - I wanted it to I want people to be able to search and know that it's real. Yep, yep.

Liane (00:35:42) - Yates nutrition comes up with Google reviews and information about the business. And I'm like, oh, okay. So this is a real business. Yeah. This is not a scammer. And honestly, if you're on the edge and you're miserable like I was, where you think you're losing your mind because you just can't seem to quit food. So it's not the problem. Find a way to make it work and do the program. Because honestly, I think it's a God given gift to. Society that you're offering to women that are struggling with, with binging and and just food issues in general. The first thing I thought of when I woke up this morning was not. When can I eat? It was, oh my gosh, my dog is so warm in the bed next to me, I don't want to get up.

Liane (00:36:35) - That was my first thought was that I don't want to get up right now because I'm so warm snuggling with my dog.

Michelle (00:36:40) - Yeah, that's sweet.

Liane (00:36:42) - And I was like, wow, that is such a huge. Huge freedom to not be totally consumed with thoughts of food when I'm going to eat, how much I'm allowed to eat, and then be able to like, I'm going to Thanksgiving at a friend's house. Never. Last year. The year before that? Nope. I did not know I got invited and I was like, no, I'm sorry, we can't make it.

Michelle (00:37:05) - You're good things.

Michelle (00:37:05) - You're getting those memories back. You get to now, like go live.

Liane (00:37:09) - Yes, exactly. And you know, there's a bunch of things that I would have said no to before, like Christmas Eve at another friend's house in New Year's Eve at another friend's house. Things that I would have turned down because of fear, what they were going to think of my body, fear that they weren't going to have food that I could eat.

Liane (00:37:26) - Fear. Just all fear, fear, fear, fear, fear. But going through the program, nourished and free with you broke that fear off my body, off my mind, off my relationship with food.

Liane (00:37:41) - Yeah. Yes. And I don't the one. Oh. The one other thing I wanted to mention. I used to punish myself with the StairMaster at the gym.

Michelle (00:37:49) - Oh, yeah, I did too.

Liane (00:37:51) - Right. I hate the StairMaster. Oh, I Hate that thing. I actually, um, I exercise five times, 5 or 6 times a week, depending on time. But I have not gone back to the gym like, I exercise at home faithfully, which was never a thing before because it was always a punishment. Now I do it because I like the way I feel when I'm moving my body, and it was probably the one of the best investments I've ever made in myself personally. Um, was I have no regrets.

Michelle (00:38:22) - Yeah. I'm so glad to hear that.

Michelle (00:38:24) - That's awesome. Well, thank you so much. You're amazing. I'm so happy for you. Please keep in touch and let me know how you're doing.

Liane (00:38:31) - Thank you so much.

Michelle (00:38:32) - If you relate to Liane's story, and you'd like to be my next success story and overcome binging, overcoming, feeling addicted to food and finally break free from the chains of food, guilt and shame and stress, then I'd love to invite you to apply for my signature program, Nourished and Free, where we can work through this together and help you come out on the other side in four months, totally free from all of the above. And maybe, maybe my next success story on my podcast. If that's something you're into, I will put a link to the application in the show notes. And then I also wanted to mention to you that Liane has her own podcast. She is, as she mentioned, a recovered heroin addict, and she was telling me a little bit about her podcast before we started recording, and I think it's one of the coolest things.

Michelle (00:39:16) - It's called recovered, Redeemed and Victorious on Spotify, so I'll leave a link to that in the show notes as well. As she shared earlier, she is Christian, so she uses that podcast to have a faith based perspective on recovery and particularly the AA type of environment. And so I think that she has an amazing mission. And for anybody that's interested in that, definitely recommend checking it out, because Liane is very wise and wonderful and it's worth checking out. So I'll leave that in the show notes as well as the link to apply if you'd like to talk about working together.