36: How To Deal With Body Changes Such As Weight Gain.

In today's episode we are tackling how to cope with body changes.

Coping with a changing body is hard. It is probably one of the hardest changes to cope with mentally, if you are someone who places a lot of value on what you weigh and how you look. There is so much pressure placed on us by society that makes us believe that our bodies should always be the same size. We should be able to keep them the same size throughout our lives and if we don’t …. we believe that we don’t have enough willpower, aren’t disciplined enough, aren’t devoted to our health, we don’t look put together or the worst one - we are less valuable.

In this episode I will dive into tips for how to cope with body change to hopefully help you along your own journey.

If you enjoyed this episode please share and tag me on instagram, my instagram is @barexbrave. And if you have any questions about this topic or would like to get in touch please do so at hello@barexbrave.com

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Transcript

speaker 0:   0:00
Welcome to the love yourself healthy poke cost. I am Melanie Lillis. I'm an eating psychology coach, nutritional therapist and I have my bachelor off physical and health education. Throughout this podcast, we are going to be diving into the room off eating psychology, body image, self love and creating a healthy and happy mind. I cannot wait to share my knowledge with you in hope that it's going to present it. Vly, influence your life. Hello and welcome back to the podcast. Everyone, it's so nice to be speaking with you all. I can't believe how much has gone on since the last time that I spoke with you everything to do with the Corona virus. And wow, I can't I can't even believe that we are living through this time. This will be a obviously something that goes down in history. And yet it's been send love to everyone. I hope everyone is healthy and happy. I am still actually in Japan. We've had to change our flats a few times to be able to get home. I've been traveling here for two months and we weren't due to arrive back until April, but obviously with Australia closing their borders and all international flights being canceled as all the 31st of March we've had to change. Our flights have been cancelled a couple of times, so yeah, I'm just kind of crossing my fingers that, um our next lot of flat so we have booked don't get can't slowed because otherwise we can't get back to the country. And that would suck. But anyway, on better news, um, with everything that's kind of gone on with the current of Iris and everything that's gone on in the world, I have Bean having a really big think. And as some of you would know, I have an online big binge eating course. It's six weeks, and I was due to start another lot of girls within the next week or so, and I really had to think about canceling it, because I know that some people's realities are that they've lost their job and life is turned upside down, and everything is a love in the air at the moment. And I was thinking, maybe I don't want to run it. I felt insensitive posting about it because obviously people have to pay money, and all of this And then I thought, This is a time where we actually need to come together And I know that when I suffered from my eating disorder, it would be at its absolute worst when I was stressed and big changes were happening. And I know I need to be a support for those people who are struggling, and self isolation might actually be the best time for you to dive into something like this and actually make big changes to your health. So with everything in mind, I decided to do a heavy reduction on the price. I know that some people may not be able to afford the full press, so I have actually gone from 3 80 which is the normal price, or the way down to 1 80 if you are still someone who wants to be a part of it. But you know that's still unaffordable to you. I am so open to talking to you and trying to work something out because all I want is for you know you to be able to get the help that you need. And if that's something you're struggling with and you kind of foot it, we can come to some kind of an arrangement. So, yeah, anyone who is struggling with binge aiding my course is going to be running within the next week. Process have slashed to $180. As I said, contact me. If you have any questions or you are struggling, you want more information, anything like that. My email is hello at their expression dot com. Now, aside from that, I still have all my e books available to just head down to the link. I won't bombard you with all of this information before even get into the podcast. Um, other links will be down underneath the podcast so you can click and have a look. Now, before I get into it, I want a late raid at my listener review, and this was actually the first time I have ever got a review from a male, which he's kind of sad but also really amazing. And he said, Hi, Mel. I just want to say thank you so much for what you were doing with your podcast earlier this year. I found you and listened all the way through the show, and it gave me so much hope for this year. I've been struggling with an eating disorder for six years, and I've kept this secret for so long. It's especially difficult as a guy. I find that it's very taboo to admit you gave me the confidence to confide in my parents and have a better support network for baiting this. I just thought your a book, and I'm looking forward to tackling this head on. I'll be listening to your meditations, especially in these crazy times we are in now. I hope you and your family are well and stay safe out there. What a beautiful message to get. And, as I said, the 1st 1 I've actually ever got from a guy. Um, because it's exactly as I said. It's so stereotypical for males to not deal with body issues or to not have an eating disorder. But it's so real for so many people. So if you are a guy listening, please, please have the confidence to just trust that people are there for you and people want to support you. Don't worry about the stigma. Don't worry about stereotypes. Just I understand that people love you, and I'm here. If you if you want to reach out and you need a device. So if you need anything at all, please feel free to reach out to me. So my topic for today is how to do with body changes. And I feel like this is a really good topic for me to tackle because I just went through my been trading calls with a bunch of girls and yeah, that's something that kind of came up was how do I deal with putting on weight? How do I deal with all these different body changes? And coping with the changing body is really hard. It is, honestly, probably one of the hardest changes to cope with mentally. If you ask someone who places a lot of value on what you weigh or how you look, there is so much pressure placed on us by society that makes us believe that our bodies should be always the same size. We should be able to keep them the same size throughout our lives. And if we don't, we believe that either we don't have enough willpower. We're not disciplined enough when I'm devoted to our health when it look put together or I guess the worst one is that we're less invaluable now. I don't know about you, but this is how I felt for a very long time. I thought that I needed to weigh the same amount that I was at the age of 18 for the rest of my life. And as soon as I put on a couple of kilos, my brain immediately perceived Mia's massive. It could be a really hard struggle to love and appreciate your body when society is telling us that we should change it. And it's so important to find Pacer than your body because you need to understand and accept that body changes are inevitable. At one point or another in your life, they're goingto happen. They might happen a few times, and we need to accept that. We need to understand that, and we need to be ready for that. And it's so important to be doing the work now so that when that time comes around, whether it's now or later in the future, you are mentally prepared and ready for the changes. There are so many different reasons as to why someone's body might change. You may be in recovery from an eating disorder. You may have just, you know, had disordered eating patterns. Maybe even recently had a baby or you're pregnant, post menopausal. You might be just growing up. You no longer attain anymore. You're moving through the twenties. There's so many other things as well that you could be experiencing that might cause your body to change. But regardless of what the situation is, and regardless of your actual body type or retire, many of us so far from self critical thoughts. Unfortunately, so many people you could be overweight, you could be underweight, you could be normal weight. It really doesn't matter. And what saddens me the most is that people's views off their body are not only cruel, but they're so inaccurate. I had a friend who recently was telling me about how she was quite down because she's getting towed out, and she was telling me about how she compares himself negatively to younger, prettier girls and even Waas her younger self. She showed me an old picture of herself, of the skinny and youthful woman, as she once was, and when it auster how she felt about herself at that time, she remembered that very day the picture was taken. She felt fat, ugly and full of the same self hate that she felt today. Her perception off herself as a young woman was literally Justus, flawed as a current self image. What she really needed to address wasn't how she felt right now, the wrinkles on her eyes or maybe some grays in her hair. But it's the deep seated feelings of shame that has long kept her from accepting herself as the attractive woman that she really, really is. And I have a very similar story to this, as I'm sure many of you do. When I was suffering from my eating disorder, I remember feeling disgusting. I was like I thought I was chubby. I hated my legs. I felt larger than all of my friends. And when I look back at photos now, I am gobsmacked at how I could have ever had thoughts like that about my body. And this is something that I tell my clients and myself all the time that it does not matter what size you are. It really doesn't. It is your mental state that would change how you feel about your body. So many people look back at themselves and think, Oh, I wish I had my old body which had that I wish had this. But when they had that body, nothing was different. They felt exactly the same. Now I love my body now and yes, sure, I still have off days. But for the most part I am really content in my body. Does this mean that I think my body is perfect? No. Doesn't mean that I'm skinnier than it used to be. No. Do I look better than ever before? I don't know. I feel better than ever before. But physically no. I am larger than I was. But I know And I have proof that I was skinnier and more turn before And I know that I was unhappy. I felt ugly. I wasn't confident in my skin and my whole world revolved around my appearance. The more I dove into self love, psychology and mindset, the more I realized that my health and my quality of life was so much more important than any number on the scale. What good is it being at my smallest size? If I have to restrict my calories and always be hungry if I am constantly feeling self conscious and self absorbed, if I stop experiencing all that life has to offer because I don't feel confident in my skin. These are all the thoughts and emotions that I went through when I was at my smallest and for what I said, I can try and fit into society standards. I don't think so. I am eight kilograms laja, heavy on the scale than I was when I was at my smallest. And I am happier than ever in saying that. I know firsthand how hard that used to, except if you had have told me six years ago that I would be eight kilograms heavier and happier than ever. There is no way I would have believed you. I would have said Yuck! I'm gonna be fat, ugly and unattractive. This honestly would have been the worst news to me. And even if someone had have said, you're going to be eight kilos heavier. But I promise you you will be happier. I would have thought how on earth could be happier if I was eight kilograms heavier. And let me tell you now, not only do I look much better. I'm a womanly, which I love. But because my mind isn't completely occupied by how much I weigh and what I'm going to be eating and how I look, I am also a nicer person to be around. And honestly, I am much more attractive as a person to others. Because I am present. I am happy and I am carefree. So if you are someone navigating through your changing body right now, I want you to know it's okay. You can appreciate and care for your body without loving it straightaway. It's okay to recognize that you might, and you probably will have negative thoughts about your body at one point or another, even after you accept your body. And you also might have thoughts about purposely changing your body. The important thing is, is learning to listen to your healthy self and choosing to continuously careful instead of micro manage a body. I wanted to ask you some questions when you were at your smallest. Were you happy? Where you completely confident in your skin? Where you restricting food, where you living life to the fullest? Did you love your body, not pictures off it, Looking back But think back to when you were that size. Maybe you're that size now. How does it really feel? Does everything feel balanced and happy? I want you to really think about these questions because they are so important. So many people believe that when I am a certain size, then I will be happy. Then I will be confident. Then I will feel sexy. But this is bullshit. It's not the truth. And I know so many people who can agree with this statement. You need to work on your mindset before you work on your body. Without a healthy and happy and balanced mind, you will never achieve the contentment within yourself that you're striving for. I can speak from experience and I can speak for the other people that I have helped. Please don't fall into the expectation off Weight loss means happiness because it couldn't be any further from the truth. So for the last part of the podcast, I'm gonna give you some of my favorite tips full learning to love and accept your changing body. And the first is to empower yourself with positive thinking. You have the power to choose to love yourself. and cultivate happiness within your vessel. You can opt out of this struggle, the stress and the constant worrying off. Do I measure up to society's impossible expectations and standards off female beauty? Because guess what? Nobody lives up to those expectations to rust. Me. I am good enough, just as I am. And so you make healthy lifestyle choices that nurture your body, your mind, your spirit. And remember, self love is the absolute best healthy lifestyle choice. The next tip is to set an example with your body image. Imagine having a child and then repeating the same self hatred thoughts to themselves that you do to yourself. What an eye opener that would be. How do you want your relationship to change within yourself? Set yourself as an example. Give yourself the gift of acceptance. My next tip is to appreciate all of the things that your body can do. Would you rather a body that looks extremely appealing to the eye but has nor physical capabilities? Or would you rather a body that looks normal and has all the physical capabilities in the world? I know which one I would choose start to turn your focus from appearance to gratitude for everything that your body enables you to do. A healthy and active body is a beautiful body. My next tip is to step off the scale. I can't even begin to tell you the amount of stress the scale brought to my life. I could look in the mirror and feel happy and content with what I saw. And then I could hop on the scale and be 500 grand's heavy on, which is nothing. But I would automatically feel disgusting within my body. Literally. The smallest change of the scale would completely make or break my day when I stopped letting this scale still my happiness and be a gorge of myself. Worth. I was able to really build a true love relationship with my body. I started to have so many days that I felt better in my body because I had no idea of whether I was a little bit heavier or a little bit later, I started to go off how I felt healthwise rather than what I weighed. What a three. A revelation. My next tip is to be my body's best friend. Be your body's best friend. I can't stress this tip enough. I shared something about this on Instagram the other day, Actually, which I want to share. The quote that I shared was How many times are you going to put yourself down until you realize this strategy doesn't work? The caption that over it waas What's it gonna take for you to realize that trading yourself from a place of love is the only way forward? We constantly tear ourselves down and expect a new outcome. Put yourself in the shoes of a mother. Imagine constantly talking to your child from a place of hate, telling them they're not good enough. Not skinny enough. Not smart enough. Not enough day in, day out. There is no way in the world this trial bugger up and feel like they are the best versions off themselves. They will constantly doubt themselves constantly feel like the note. Good enough constantly be striving to achieve something, yet never feel like they succeeded. Now let's flip it upside down. Imagine that child, growing up with parents that constantly praised them, told them how perfect they were, constantly feeling loved and respected and never doubting the child's worth. What a completely different upbringing, they would have now turn to yourself. How do you treat you? Are you praising? Are you complimenting? Are you respecting? Are you loving the way we talk to ourself and treat ourselves will directly impact our future. So make the choice today to give yourself every possibility of a beautiful and fulfilling life within your own body. How powerful is that? This is something we need to remind ourselves off each and every day. Stop being your own worst enemy. Because what is that going to help you achieve? Absolutely nothing. The last tip that I want to share with you is to stop comparing your body to others. I speak about the comparison disease a lot in my podcast because it is such a toxic and unnecessary thing that all of us do. If you compare yourself with other women, you create a 1,000,000 reasons why you should have your body. Comparing yourself with others will always leave you feeling inadequate and unhappy about your body, so choose not to do it. Your body might not be perfect compared with a model or even your neighbor, but it is the only body you'll ever have. I would rather accept this fact and love my body the way it is then waste my time hating any part of it. So my beautiful friends, I hope this podcast has been able to help you in some way. Navigating through body changes can be such a struggle. And it's so important to take care of your mental health that you are completely capable of handling any changes that have thrown your way. Please remind yourself that what you weigh is not your worth. We all have so much more to offer than just what size clothes we fit into. Now, if you enjoyed this episode, please share and tag me on Instagram. My instagram is at their ex brave. And if you have any questions about this topic or you would just like to get in touch, please do so at hello at barracks brave dot com I'm really sorry if the quality of this podcast isn't up to standard. But as I said, I am still over in Japan. I don't have my proper podcast microphone. But if you listen this father and clearly it didn't distract you that much. Anyway, I'm sitting love to you all in this hard time. Please stay safe and stay healthy. Let's all come together and support each other. Um, see, I'm sending you all my love. Please again, contact me If you'd like to be a part of my bait Binge eating online program. I would love to have you there. And yes, speak to all in the next podcast. But by thank you so much for listening. If you enjoy this podcast, I would be so grateful if you were able to leave me a review. And please follow me on Facebook and on Instagram at Beth Ex Brave. If you have any questions or you want to contact me, it'll please email me at l y p h. Underscore podcast at outlook dot com. I'll talk to you in my next podcast.