Selling Them Well or Selling Them Short?

Every time a person's name crosses your lips you are selling them to the people around you. On this episode I discuss why this is, why it's important to understand, and how to sell people well instead of selling them short.

https://jamelynstephan.com

https://jamelynstephan.com/meet-with-me/

https://www.instagram.com/jamelyn_stephan_coaching/

jamelyn@jamelynstpehan.com

Transcript

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I'm jamielynn Stephan and this is wanting to want it episode number 71, selling them well or selling them short. Welcome to want to want it a podcast for women of the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints who are ready to ignite not only their sexual desire, but all of their desires to create a more fulfilling life and marriage. I'm jamielynn Stephan. I'm a certified life coach, a wife, and a mother of seven children. I'm excited to share my personal journey to desire with you and teach you how to desire more as well Hello, everybody. I'm so glad to have you joining me on the podcast today. Today, when I went to name the podcast, I actually wanted to name it, selling people. But I worry that that maybe would get me on some kind of watch list for human trafficking. So let me kind of explain to you what I want to talk about today. This has actually been on my mind for a while. And the reason is because of my son, Ben. Now Ben is almost 18 years old and he is my middle child. He is super smiley, very social and fun. And a really big T's. He is also my most persuasive child. He is very, very good at getting what he wants, because he seems to have this innate understanding of humans. And so when he comes to me to ask to do something or to get something that he wants, He already has thought about all of the reasons I could possibly say no. And he has an answer for all of it. He is really, really skilled with people. Not because everyone in the world adores him. He is still a human, but even teachers that sometimes I think should love him, seem to like him anyway. But I want to talk about today is something that Ben is really good at, and that I hadn't really paid so much attention to in the past, but is something that I realize all of us are doing all of the time. And that is, We are always selling other people to those around us. So if Ben likes a teacher or another kid at school, or if he really likes a girl, he will talk them up to me a lot. Now I realize that he does this because it's important to him that I like who he likes. And honestly, By the time we've had a few conversations about somebody. I like them, even if I haven't met them yet. Now I really like people usually. So I don't know that I make it hard for him, but I find myself really liking the people he talks to me about. So this really got me thinking. Is it possible that we really are always selling people. And what would we do differently if we thought to ourselves? What I say about this person is going to sell them or sink them. Right. It's going to either sell them well or sell them short. So this kind of took me down a line of thought where I have had a few people come to my mind that I feel like were sold to me as annoying or bothersome, immature. Frustrating. Self-absorbed like just kind of these kinds of negative stories, whatever you can kind of think of. And then I thought about a few people that I don't feel like I have sold well in the past. I had kind of sold them down the river. By the way that I spoke about them to other people who didn't know them instead of selling them well, And I thought in particular about a family member who my husband hadn't met. So this is years ago when we were first engaged and. I don't know exactly what I told him about this particular family member, but I suspect it wasn't very charitable or kind. And I know that that actually really influenced his interactions with her. And it took me a long time to realize really the disservice that I had done both to her and to my husband by selling her short. At the time, obviously, right. Being young and immature and very selfish myself. I thought that I was just telling him the facts about her. But now I realize it was all just a pile of my own frustration stories. And so it really wasn't. Selling a fair story of her. It was a skewed story. And when I married into my husband's family, there were people in his family that kind of, you know, his family had some similar stories with as well. And they completely influenced my relationship with those people. So looking back, I can see that the way that we both my husband and I spoke about these people in our families and the way that we treated them. Soul's an idea about those people that was really unfair because they never really started chance. Whereas I can look back and I know that if I had always treated. This woman and my family with respect and had spoken about her with kindness, that even though Jared would have had his own thoughts about her, like he would have come up with his own story about her at some point. He would have taken what was sold to him by me. He would have most likely offered her what he saw me offer her. Because in the end, he really did offer her what he saw me offer her, which wasn't very compassionate or kind. And I regret that. I feel really responsible actually for selling her short. So I just want to invite you all today to think about. What are you selling? Now, maybe we don't totally know this in our heart of hearts, but we give a lot of lip service to the idea That the worth of souls is great. And that we are all worthy of love. And honestly, I can get behind it more. When I think about new babies who are born into the world with literally no talents or skills, they just exist and we love them so deeply. And that doesn't change just because we leave baby hood behind. We are always worth so much. I remember a good friend that my sister had just after she graduated And this amazing lesson that he taught her and essentially taught me through her. And honestly, it's just a lesson. I don't remember enough. And so I'm so grateful that it has come to me as I was preparing this podcast. So he was a guy that I think my sister at the time would have said was a really fantastic catch. They were not dating. I don't even know that there was anything going on between them. They were really good friends, but he was really handsome. He was fun and kind. He had a ton of ambition. Like really he's the kind of guy that could have been very, very confident, which he was, but he also probably had the potential to be very arrogant. I mean, he was only like 19 years old and young and really kind of had a lot of things together. But instead of being that arrogant person, right. She just was not that way. At all. And this is what he said to my sister. He said, when I'm speaking to people, I imagine that they have the number 10 across their forehead. And that reminds me of their worth. Right. They are a 10 out of 10. And when I remember that it is easy for me to know how to treat them. That was such an impactful story for me at the time. This was how he sold himself on people. He pictured their value and sold himself on it. And then it was so easy for him to show up in the world as the kind of person he wanted to be. I also started to think about the days when it was kind of the thing to complain about your husband, right. I remember I had a few little kids and it seems like without fail, if I was with a group of women, it would turn into some kind of husband bashing. Now I honestly can have compassion on all of us in those days, because most of us We're married, single mothers, right? We were married, but our husbands were gone a lot training in school, whatever it was, we were by ourselves a lot and they were off doing their hard thing and we were doing our heart thing and we were tired. And so it was super easy to get spouting off about the irritations that we were all feeling. And truthfully, I wish someone had told me sooner that it can quickly go from a way to get some support or validation. There was just very validating, right. To be like, He does this and isn't that ridiculous that he expects that of me. And for everybody to say yes. Yes, that's ridiculous. Right? I just didn't realize that it could turn kind of from this validation that I wanted to a really bad sales pitch about my husband. So I actually had a woman approached me after one of these nights. So it'd been a couple of days since we've hung out and she happened to see me. And she actually asked me about one of the husbands specifically. It wasn't my husband, but. She just said, you know, do you know him? Is he actually as big of a moron as he's being portrayed as, and I felt sick because I actually knew him well enough to say, no, he is not. He's not, she's obviously frustrated. He's actually a really good man. But I learned a really valuable lesson that day. I could be frustrated with my husband and maybe as a young mom, I really did need a place that I could. Put some of that frustration and vent that I learned in that moment that I needed to be really wise about who I talked to and what I said, because I was selling my husband to my friends when I spoke about him. And inevitably, if I was having a hard day with him, I was going to forgive him. But those other ladies may never forgive him. Right. It was such a good lesson for me. I think we are selling people every day. It starts when we look in the mirror in the morning and start selling ourselves, right. Either we sell ourselves well, or we sell ourselves short, but we are selling ourselves on us and it goes on all day. And it can be. Like the smallest comment, like, oh, this cashier is so slow. Right? You say that to someone else, you're selling a story about her. Or she has such a great laugh. You're selling that person you're selling that attribute of that person to somebody. You can get yourself even into bigger things, right. Where it's like, you're really talking so well about someone, or you can just be really gossiping and cruel. What we say about people, especially people that others really don't know or don't know well, is a sales pitch. Now. We're all humans. And so we obviously don't want to be ridiculous because we've all had someone try to sell the utter perfection of another human. And none of us are going to swallow that ever because we know none of us are perfect. We are flawed. But because we know people are flawed, we also don't need someone to tell us All of someone else's flaws. I just want to encourage all of us, me, really, especially to remember that when you speak of another person, you are selling them to someone else, you are either selling them well, or you're selling them short. And to be really careful with that power. What really is the harm and focusing on the genuine goodness of another soul. And just allowing the person you're speaking to, to discover for themselves what they will about that person. If thinking about people with a 10 on their forehead helps you use that. Whatever it is that you need to think about if thinking about a baby having worth and never losing that worth helps you. Just do something that will help you. To speak well about someone and sell them well, even your own children. Right. It's so easy. Sometimes when we're frustrated with our kids. Or our husband or someone in our family, To say something that doesn't sell them well, Because that story that you tell it impacts not only the person you're telling, but it impacts you. Every time you tell a negative story about somebody else, you just reinforce that negative story inside yourself. The last thing I want to touch on is selling yourself on you. A huge dream killer, a huge desire killer is selling yourself short, telling yourself stories of past failures and focusing on regret or guilt in hopes that these feelings are going to motivate you to be someone better. If you want to want it, whatever that is, you have to believe you are worthy of it And that you can succeed. Start to sell yourself on you every day. I had a mentor about six months ago, tell me, he said, you know, once you are able to believe in your own goodness and worth and value. You will be blown away with what you'll be able to accomplish. Honestly. I'm not there yet, but I am working on it. Every morning when I pick up my phone, one of the first things I see is a message that comes up on my calendar at six 30 in the morning. Reminding me that I am committed to believing in myself today. Some days I do it well. Some days, not so much. But the goal is there. And it's just really another way of saying that I am committed to selling myself on me every day. It's not easy work. My brain has a lot of stories that sell me short, but I am committed to doing a little better every day because I actually want to be sold on me. I do. So if nothing else start to sell yourself on you. Kate. And honestly, if you don't know how to do that, or you don't really know where to start, then it is time for you to come and meet with me. Click on the link in the show notes I offer a free 25 minute session. It is short, but it can be super powerful because you for sure will leave that with at least one tool to help you start to sell yourself on you, to help you change our mind about you. There is no obligation to continue or to purchase anything more for me. But if I can help you and you've never tried this before and want to, this is such a good way to do it just quick. Twenty-five minutes. Totally free. No strings attached. I will absolutely tell you about what I offer when we're done. But again, no strings attached because I just want you to have the opportunity. To experience coaching. It is literally life-changing. And I know that sounds like everything you've ever heard in your life. However have been sold in your life. But honestly, coaching changes lives because we focus on the one thing that we actually have the power to change, and that is ourselves. So, if you think you just want to try it out and see click on the link in the show notes, or go to my website, Jamilin Stephan coaching.com and you can book it there and I would love to meet you. And I would love to help you. I would love to help. Get you started on selling yourself to you. Or learning how to change the stories you have about people in a way that allows you to sell them while instead of selling them short. I hope you guys all have a really, really great week. Bye. Thanks for listening today. If you like what you hear on the podcast, and you'd like to learn more, feel free to head over to my website. Jamilin Stephan coaching.com or find me on Instagram or Facebook at Jamileh. step in coaching.