Parenting Teens with Ben Pugh

Ben Pugh loves working with parents of teens! As a teen he struggled with confidence, anxiety and overwhelm, and making good decisions. When he was 13 he accidentally lit a bus on fire with rubber cement. This and other experiences have driven him to help parents of teens become the parents they've always wanted to be. On this episode of the podcast he shares some of his best strategies to help you achieve that goal as well.

Ben Pugh Coaching Website
https://benpughcoaching.com

Ben's Podcast: Impact - Parenting With Perspective
https://benpughcoaching.com/podcast/

https://jamelynstephan.com

https://jamelynstephan.com/meet-with-me/

https://www.instagram.com/jamelyn_stephan_coaching/

jamelyn@jamelynstpehan.com

Transcript

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I'm jamielynn Stephan and this is what to want at episode number 82, parenting teens with Ben Pugh. Welcome to want to want it a podcast for women of the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints who are ready to ignite not only their sexual desire, but all of their desires to create a more fulfilling life and marriage. I'm jamielynn Stephan. I'm a certified life coach, a wife, and a mother of seven children. I'm excited to share my personal journey to desire with you and teach you how to desire more as well Welcome to the podcast everybody. I'm so excited to welcome my colleague Ben Pugh to the podcast Today I met Ben, it's been a few years now. We were. Both had certified with the life coach school. we ended up in a mastermind group together. And then I reached out to Ben to actually coach one of my kids. And he's just been a real mentor to my son and very, very impactful. And so I wanted to have him on today to talk about parenting teens. So Ben, tell us a little bit more about yourself and how you decided to become a coach. Cuz you were in education before, right? Yeah, so I was in education. I actually got fired from education twice from the same school, which I always feel like I like throwing that in there because then you start to see, oh, might be more about them than it is him. But when I got fired, I had all these other jobs that were like, please come be at our school. Come be our principal. Cuz I had turned the school that I was at, around and. That was a moment where I had to really explore, am I gonna take the path of least resistance and go get another principal job, or am I gonna strike out on my own and do this life coaching stuff? And that's kind of when you met me is where I was a struggling life coach, like trying to get coaching clients. And anyway, so that's kind of, I don't know, my transition from education to. Life coaching. Mm-hmm. I'll give you a little bit more of the backstory. Like I am, I share this story sometimes and people are like, you are the guy that did the thing that they've heard it from either other podcasts or whatever. But when I was 13, I accidentally let my school bus on fire with rubber cement. Oh my goodness. And yeah. Yeah. That's one of those things that all parents like. They are just crossing their fingers, hop their kid doesn't do anything that stupid. Mm-hmm. Well, guys, guess what? I did something that stupid and I survived. Like I became a high school principal years down the road, and part of the reason I wanted to become a life coach is because when I. Accidentally lit my school bus on fire. A lot of the adults in my life kind of wrote me off like they told me I had ruined my life. Mm-hmm. I remember I went to one of my friend's houses to play and his mom met me at the door and she's like, sorry, you can't play at our house anymore. We don't want you to burn our house down and. Yeah. And in our church, like even the state president came and spoke at our ward, like calling me and my family unto repentance. And it was just so embarrassing. And I remember thinking like, nobody got me. I felt like I didn't belong. Mm-hmm. And when I became an adult, my wife and I decided to be foster parents. And I noticed a lot of foster kids were struggling because they also thought they were broken. Mm-hmm. They thought they'd ruined their lives. They thought that they didn't belong, and we were able to help a lot of foster kids. And then I became a high school principal and I was able to help a lot of kids at my school, and I realized that it's my ability to have a different perspective. Mm-hmm. Rather than seeing and believing that. These kids that ruined their lives. I kind of saw it as, no, this will be a really good opportunity. Mm-hmm. This will be something that can help you grow. And so as a life coach, my focus is on helping parents of teens really see their teenagers in a different light. Mm-hmm. And rather than parenting from a place of fear and shame. Parent from a place of confidence and just hope like the future is bright. We're like, man, my kid just made the biggest mistake. This is gonna be amazing for them. Mm-hmm. So that's kind of where I come from and why I do what I do. Right. That's so fantastic. So I suppose when you're coaching, you're not just coaching people who have kids that are burning school buses down, but just. Concerned about the world they're living in and trying to, manage kind of the society that they're growing up in and feeling nervous about it, trying to control it a little bit. Yeah. I feel myself doing that a lot. I, I think those are two different things. I think a lot of parents are worried about the world that we live in. Mm-hmm. And just it's shifted. The values are different. Mm-hmm. What people prioritize. How people think and believe is different. The other thing is that they see their teenagers doing it differently and they parents typically have an idea for what they think the right path should be. Absolutely. And what it should look like. And teenagers are really good at deviating from what their parents think is the right way. Mm-hmm. And then that's where a lot of parents, like, you guys for example, like your kids are phenomenal. And yet I still ended up coaching one of your kids. Mm-hmm. I have other parents that they're like, man, if we could just get my kid to stop smoking weed in the school bathroom. Like that's what I want. Yeah. Like it's really the same problem though. My kid has deviated from the path that I think they should be on. Yes. How can you help? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And so what, what are we gonna do? Like what can parents do? Because this is. Hard when you look and you think they're gonna regret this, or like you were saying, like they're, it's a write off. Like the kids are write off, they've ruined their life, right? Yeah. What, what do you help p people think differently or try and see this differently? How can we kind of parent our teens in a way that actually is productive and not putting us at odds with them all the time? Yeah. Well, I think one thing is to. Keep in mind like who we are. I teach for parenting. It's important to understand our identity as number one. It's important to understand like who we are, where we come from, what we stand for. And for me, with that identity component, it's helpful for me. Like I believe that not only am I a son of God and people in our religion are famous for believing that hey, I can someday be a God too. Mm-hmm. Well, I'm different because I'm like, no, if I'm a son of God, that means I am a God. Mm-hmm. I'm just having a mortal experience. And when I keep in mind that no, I'm a son of God. My teenagers are children of God, I really, they can recover from anything that they do. Like it helps me keep in perspective. Mm-hmm. That no. Their innate God-like ability is to overcome the struggles of this life. Mm-hmm. That's what we're here for. Mm-hmm. And so that perspective is helpful. And then this is the hard part, the parents struggle with let go. Mm-hmm. Like mm-hmm. All these things that you are trying to control that are outside of your control. The better you can let go of things outside of your control, the more energy you can focus within to what you actually can control. Okay. And I'll tell you, a lot of parents that I work with, the moms feel like they're terrible moms. They feel like they're failing. Like they've got mom guilt just all over. Yeah. And. The reason why is because they're so focused on their teenager, and I always talk about like there's two models at play. Mm-hmm. There's your model and there's your teens model. Mm-hmm. Any energy you spend trying to control how your team thinks, how they feel, how they behave, the results that they create. That is energy not being applied to your own model. Mm-hmm. And that's where a lot of the shame comes from. And so the, it's really hard as a parent mm-hmm. To let go of these things, but the truth is you don't have control of those anyways. Mm-hmm. So these things that you're letting go of, you're not actually letting go of real, tangible things. They're just illusionary things that you thought you had control of. Mm-hmm. And what I notice is typically, so when teenagers feel like their parents are controlling too much, that is when you run the risk of having your teens take back control. Using drastic measures like this is when teens self-harm threaten suicide. Mm-hmm. Get boyfriends and girlfriends that nobody likes, not even your teen and. For parents to realize, oh, I'm controlling a lot of stuff that I actually can't control. When you give that back to your teenager, that is one of the most impactful things that you can do as a parent. Hmm. So gimme an example of like where you've seen too much focus of control maybe and because this is the thing is I want to believe that I'm not controlling things right? I'm like, oh, I let my kids pick the option courses they wanna take at school. I'm such a good mom. But then, then I, but I actually think I have blind spots to things I am actually trying to control. Like how they treat each other is a big thing at our house where I'm like, I got called out the other day by one of my kids who was like you, because you think I'm mean, you're mean to me because you're trying to make me not be mean. And I was like, oh yeah. Oh my goodness. Sounds like that kid's had a life coach before. Yeah. Yeah. Here's the thing, this is a powerful opportunity like. Your child has giving you feedback anyways. Mm-hmm. The only problem is you didn't ask for this feedback. It's really powerful when you proactively ask for feedback. Mm-hmm. Um, any, anyone listening to this podcast? Ask your kids, like, is there something in your life that you feel like I'm trying to control? Mm-hmm. And your kids are gonna tell you, they'll let you know. Mm-hmm. And I'll give you two examples. Number one, your husband doesn't know this, but I use an example of him in my training all the time. Um, I'll ask parents like, To what measures would you have to go to control your kids? Mm-hmm. And your husband had the best example. He's like, I could literally medically sedate my kids, like I could put them into a medical coma for months. Yes, yes. He is an anesthesiologist. Yeah. And I asked him like, why don't you do that? And he's like, well, then they would never leave my house. They would never learn. They would never grow. Mm-hmm. Like, We as parents, we do have control. Like we could totally put bars on our kids' windows, but that's not helping our children progress. And I'll give you another example. This one's a little closer to home for me. There was a time, so I chose to allow my kids to have smartphones. Mm-hmm. There's a lot of parents that are like, no smartphones, let's get'em. Old phones like we had, I was like, you know what, I'm gonna let my kids have smartphone. Mm-hmm. But I don't want them to have Instagram, Snapchat, some of these other apps. Well, one day at a basketball tournament, we found out, so I had two teens at this time. Mm-hmm. My older one and my second teen. The second one, the more obedient one, the one that in the moment I probably liked the better outta the two. I found out he had broken the rules and he had Snapchat and I was a little annoyed. Mm-hmm. And I was like, well, gimme your phones right now. And the 13 year old's like, well, Brandon has it too. And I'm like, Brandon, gimme your phone. And I just, I went into controlling dad mode. Mm-hmm. I just wanted to control everything. Yeah. And my oldest son is like, dad, that's not fair. You're not being kind. You're not even listening. And like here we are at a basketball tournament, like other parents are probably like, what is going on over there? Yeah. And I remember thinking, oh my goodness, I'm doing what my clients always do and I always tell them. Bring your kids in to the conversation, like loop them in, get their input. And so I kind of had to swallow my pride. And I remember asking my kids guys, you know how I feel about Snapchat? That was the app that was in question. Because when I was a principal, kids would complain about bullying all the time and I'd be like, okay, where's the proof? And they'd be like, ah, Snapchat deletes it so I don't have it. Yeah. And I'm like, Why do you have such a stupid app anyways? Yeah. Yeah. So I asked my oldest kid, I'm like, what am I missing? What is it about Snapchat that is so important to you? Mm-hmm. And he was like, well, I have this girl that I really like and we have this streak. And it keeps track of like, I don't even understand this stuff. Mm-hmm. But he is telling me how important it is. And then I asked my younger son and I'm like, well, you don't have a girlfriend. Why is this so important? He's like, well, some of my friends are on. This one app and some are on another, but all of them are on Snapchat. And if I can just be here, I can communicate with my friends. Mm-hmm. And so I turned the conversation back to them. I'm like, okay. Mm-hmm. You know my concerns, you know why I don't like it. How can you prove to me that you will avoid these pitfalls? How can you show me that you'll be safe? Mm-hmm. And. It was a powerful opportunity because they had to like mentally be like, okay, why does dad not like it? Okay. Because there's bullying and kids erase stuff and mm-hmm. They're like, okay, if anyone bullies you, us, we'll take a screenshot, we'll come show you immediately. Like, we'll do this stuff. Mm-hmm. It empowered my teens to kind of problem solve for themselves. Mm-hmm. And so from that day, like. I let my kids have their phones in their rooms at night. Mm-hmm. Um, they, I don't monitor what apps they have. Mm-hmm. But I do have conversations with my kids. Yeah. And I do set up some boundaries like. I don't want you being on your phone all night. I can't control that. But what I can control is if you're not up on time mm-hmm. I'm gonna give you an extra chore. Mm-hmm. And so basically it's just me identifying what can I control? What can I not control? What control can I give to my teenagers and let them manage that? Mm-hmm. Then how can we start building these skills to help them be empowered? Rather than feeling like they have to have dad or mom manage their lives for them. Mm. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I take phones at night, Ben, so it's, and that's not right or wrong, like there's no right or wrong way to do it. But I'll tell you some evidence that I have in my home that what I'm doing is working. Mm-hmm. Both of my children play sports and they. During the school year, they had to get up at five 30 in the morning to go to weights. Mm-hmm. And my oldest is 16, almost 17, and my second is 14. I didn't take them to weights. If they slept in, they would miss weights. Mm-hmm. They would get themselves up and they would get themselves to wait. And they're both on the honor roll at school, which I'm like, whose kids are these? On the honor roll? But they're not burning the bus down. They're not burning the bus down. And the thing is, If you're up all night on your phone, it would be impossible to consistently get up on time to go to waits. Mm-hmm. So I'm just teaching them like, here's this thing. Yeah. I'm gonna let you manage it. If they missed weights for a few days in a row, I'd be like, okay, something's going on. And the phone would be the first thing to go. Mm-hmm. But because it's working in our home. Yeah. Yeah. Let it go. And I just let them control. Yeah. So, so good, so good. So you don't get any pushback about taking the phones if they or if you have to, they don't push back against you? There's definitely pushback, but I'll tell you, both of my kids have told me multiple times, like, dad, you are so more relaxed. You actually listen. Mm-hmm. Where my friend's parents don't. My kids know how lucky they are that they get to have phones, and we had that discussion and way back when we had that discussion, I remember saying like, If you guys want Snapchat and if you want to keep your phones, what are some fair consequences for if you abuse the privilege? Mm-hmm. This is a powerful conversation to have because when you ask your teen, what consequences do you think would be fair? Yeah. They're gonna tell you exactly what they think you want to hear. Well, dad, you can take my phone away forever. Yes. And you can make me mop the kitchen floor for a whole year, and they, they're telling you all the things that they think you want to hear so that they can get what they want. Mm-hmm. Well, that's a powerful position to be in as a dad, because now I can position myself as the good guy. Yeah. Those are some really good ideas. Like I, I think you're onto something, but I think that might be a little bit too harsh, right? What if you miss football? Or you miss weights or whatever because you're abusing your phone privilege. What if I just take your phone for the week and give you a couple extra chores? And they're like, oh yeah, that's way better than like, you take my phone away forever and I'm off the floor for a whole, like, yeah, you're empowering your teen. And now when the consequences arise mm-hmm. Like your teens have abused the privilege, guess whose consequences you're enforcing. There's, yes. They're the ones who came up with it. Totally. And it makes it a little bit easier. And yes, they're like my 16 year old, he has the hardest time of the two. Mm-hmm. Giving up his phone and there may or may not be swear words involved when he is giving it up, but like that's all stuff that's outside of my control. Yeah. And I always find a way to be like, Hey, this is how you earn it back super quick. Yeah. Like I want to just teach. And whether he changes or not, that's outta my control. Yeah. But how I teach that is how I, that's what I can control. Yeah. And I just want like cell phones, parents, it is about time that we admit that cell phones are not going anywhere. Yeah. And we wouldn't like it if they left the planet. No. So rather than being scared of cell phones and trying to avoid dealing with this, Let's deal with it earlier, right? Let's bring our teens into that conversation and let them help us make a plan that works, and then let's let them help navigate that. Mm-hmm. And learn the skills before we turn them loose outta the world. Right? Yeah. So good. Okay. Tell me about this. Do you ever have parents who struggle because they want their child to like them? Yes. Like, like they just, they hate that they're always one that's disappointing. Like they just don't wanna be that parent. And so their, their struggle isn't, I don't, I don't know, maybe it is a type of control, right? Trying to control what their kid feels about them. But then they're like, I struggle stepping up and parenting at all because I'm always so afraid that I'm actually going to have them hating me. Yeah, so in my course I teach these three pillars, identity, we've already talked about that. Mm-hmm. And this would play into identity. Mm-hmm. The second one is connection. And that talks I. That's talking about your connection with yourself first and then your connection with your team. Mm-hmm. And then the last thing that I teach is growth. These three pillars, like everything falls into those three pillars and they will help you be the parently you you've always wanted to be. Right. Now the problem is a lot of parents are focused on that relationship and they make the mistake of focusing on their teen's relationship with them as a parent rather than their relationship with their teen. Oh, fascinating. Yeah. And so this goes into the identity and the connection. Okay. Component, because what I find is when parents are parenting for connection and maybe they're growing, they find they just got into life coaching, they're finally learning all this really cool stuff, but without identity, that's when you're lost. And you kind of feel like a ship without a rudder, because like parenting, a teen is like that ship without a rudder being in a storm. Mm-hmm. And one day you're over here and the next day you're being pushed over here. Mm-hmm. And what happens is, if you don't know who you want to be as a parent, if you're not connect or parenting in alignment with your own values and your own identity, then you're gonna be parenting according to your teens values. Which by the way, your values are be built on like, I'm 41 years old. My values are built on 41 years of experience. Mm-hmm. They're a little more solid. Mm-hmm. They don't change as quickly. Yeah. Your teens values are built on just 13, 15, 16 years of experience. Mm-hmm. And they change super quick. Okay. And so, What happens is, and this is actually one of the problems that I've, like, I'm changing how I teach because parents will go from like controlling everything, overbearing parents to like, now they're letting their teen walk all over them. Mm-hmm. I want their team to like them. And the thing that you have to do is you have to understand, no, this is who I want to be. This is the type of parent that I want to be. And then parent in alignment with your own values. Mm-hmm. Because that will change how you think and how you feel. Mm-hmm. And your relationship with your teen is very different from your teen's relationship with you. Mm-hmm. Like my teens hate me some days. Yeah. But I still love my teens and I still love myself. And I know who I want to be as a dad, and I have my own back, so that in the tough parenting moments, I'm still that parent that I want to be. Mm-hmm. And so Brene Brown, I can't remember if it's before we hit record that I mentioned her, but one of my favorite authors ever, she has an audio book, I think it's just a recorded training. Mm-hmm. It's called The Gifts of Imperfect Parenting, but she talks about how the way. And I butcher quotes all the time, like, that's okay. He'll be awesome. But she talks about the importance of boundaries. Is that how you set boundaries will teach your children how to set and uphold boundaries? Mm-hmm. And that's important to understand because like I have a teen or I have a daughter, someday she'll be a teenager and I want her to be able to set boundaries with boys. Yeah. And I want her to know from my example, like sometimes I set boundaries and she does not like'em, and she's pissed at me and she calls me names and mm-hmm. Tells me I don't even like you right now. Mm-hmm. And I want her to be able to set boundaries, and I want her to have a boyfriend that's like, what? And he's calling her names like, I don't even like you right now. And I want her to be like, I don't care. This is my boundary. Yes. If you don't like it, that's your problem. I can't control that. This is who I am. This is who I want to be. Right? Yeah. Oh, so good. So when you're walking people through the identity thing, like as you've been talking about that I'm like, I, I think we can get really vague, maybe like, oh, I just wanna be really loving and not, because that's not a good thing, but like, tell me a little bit about like, when someone's kind of walking through that, um, I, I, I wanna figure out my identity as a parent. Like who do I really wanna be? Understanding that you can change your mind anytime, right? Yeah. You don't have, this isn't, again, stuck in cement, but what, what kind of process do you have them kind of go through? Just as an example, maybe. Yeah, so when I launched my podcast a couple years ago, I kind of had this weird idea. I'm like, I'm gonna have the first five episodes be a challenge. Hmm. And it's actually turned out to be really cool. Like I tell people, go check out the first five episodes. That's a powerful, powerful challenge. On day one of that challenge, we'll just talk about. Probably the first two or three days. Sure. But on day one of that challenge, all I have you do is sit down and do a brainstorm for 10 to 15 minutes and explore who do I want to be as a parent? What do I want that to look like? Like, Who do I wanna be? What do I wanna be like, what's important to me? Mm-hmm. Day two of that challenge, you kind of take your brainstorm from day one and you come up with a 10 word vision statement. Okay. 10 words. I'm not a stickler on that. Like I have one client every time we do this exercise, it's like 11, 12, maybe 15. Well, like for me, my current 10 word vision statement is parenting with love, confidence, and curiosity is easy and fun. Mm-hmm. Right. It's just focusing on a few of the highlights, like, okay, I wanna parent with love, confidence, curiosity. That's an important one for me. Totally. Because if I'm not curious, I am quick to anger. Mm-hmm. But when I'm curious, that helps me understand my children. It helps me ask them questions. Mm-hmm. And when I remind myself that it's easy. And it's fun. Mm-hmm. That's really helpful that that helps me not only understand who I am, but also who I want to be. Right. And for that second day challenge, I tell'em, like, write it on a three by five card or post it notes and then post it in strategic places for me, it's above my bed. Mm-hmm. It's on my mirror and my bathroom. It's on the fridge door and it's on my pantry door. Like those are the places I visit the most. The most. Yes. But I see it all the time. Mm-hmm. And the one of the most powerful things is if you do that exercise and you have post-it notes all over the house saying, parenting with love, confidence, curiosity is easy and fun. You're gonna show up and parent in a way that is not loving, it is not being curious. And your teen's gonna be like, What are those signs for? Like, I don't feel like you're being very curious right now and they will help hold you accountable. Okay. And this identity component. So in my course I go way deeper. Mm-hmm. Probably my most popular training I teach about values. Mm-hmm. And nothing that I teach is like firmly in identity or connection or growth. They all have their piece of everything. Sure. But most people don't actually know what their own values are. Um, especially people in the church like we've been raised and kind of brainwashed to, to think, oh, well, family or this, like, these are my top values. But when you take a in it and you look at their actual results, So many of my clients will tell me, well, health is one of my top values. I'm like, awesome. Are you healthy? And they're like, no, I actually am 50 pounds overweight. You can't remember the last time I exercised. And I'm like, okay. So health is not one of your top values. Mm-hmm. Comfort is we can look at the results and we can understand what our true values are. Totally. And this goes into your identity because when you understand what your values are, your values drive everything in your life. Mm-hmm. Not the values that you wish you had, your actual values. Right. And when you can take the time to understand your values. It gives you power to then be intentional about the values that you choose. Mm-hmm. And when you understand your values, you'll get more insight into your identity. Mm-hmm. But also, when you understand your values, you can now look at your teenager and you can understand what values are driving them. Yes. And for me, I know my oldest, his top values are number one, his girlfriend. Mm-hmm. Number two, football and number three used to be his job. Mm-hmm. But he quit his job because he wants to have more fun and because football is above fun, he's gotta fit in fun and so he had to quit his job so he is got time for fun. Mm-hmm. When you understand your identity, You will better understand your teenager's identity. Right. And when you know your teen's values, parenting gets so much easier because now you can start connecting based on their values. Mm-hmm. And most parents, like if you ever get into control, you're trying to control your teen based upon your values. Mm-hmm. And that will disconnect you with your team. Right. But for me, like I know the girlfriend is a top priority when my teen is a butthead to everyone in the house. Mm-hmm. It's like, Hey Brandon, if you treated your girlfriend this way, what would happen to your relationship? Right. It's like, She would dump me. She would not put up with that. Now I'm connecting with him on his values. Mm-hmm. And I am teaching him powerful life lessons. Mm. Based upon something that he values, not something that I value. Like I just value that he treats people in our home with kindness. Yes. He doesn't care. So find what he values. Oh, that's so, so good. Because. Values is definitely, I think, a thing that I can admit. I try and control. Like I have this idea of like, here's everybody's values. Take them. Yeah. Run with them. Well, here's what your values should be. Yeah. Need to work on this. Yeah. This is what you need to be doing. So, so, so good. Ben, this has just been so fantastic. I so appreciate you coming on and sharing all of your good insights and wisdom. I know people are going to want to connect with you and your, all the goods that you have. So first of all, you have a podcast, which is. Impact, right? Impact parenting with perspective impact parenting with perspective. Yeah. Yes, yes. And so I will link in the show notes to that. Um, but you're on most things, right? Apple and Google and all of that kind of stuff. And so you can get on there and you can find the episodes at the beginning where he does have his challenge. And I would highly recommend the exercise of really deciding like, who do I want to be as a parent? What are my values? And that would be so powerful. Um, okay, what else? What, how can they get in contact with you? How can they work with you? What do you have? Yeah, so I am kind of getting away from one-on-one coaching. Currently, I only one-on-one coach, a handful of teenagers mm-hmm. That I really like, and I'm not willing to let go of that part of my life. Mm-hmm. So parents, if you wanna work with me one-on-one, sorry. Jaline still does one-on-one coaching for parents. No, that's right. That's right. You have to come to me. Yeah. I also have a course that I open every three months. Mm-hmm. This course is amazing. Um, I walk you through identity, connection, and growth, and I will walk you through each of the stages. Like, here's your identity, which is like the g p s for your life. Here's the values training. Mm-hmm. Here's how to build values-based relationships. Mm-hmm. I walk you through all of that. It's only available every three months. Mm-hmm. And when I launch it, We kind of do it like college style, where we're all going through it at the same time. There's group coaching, there's group discussions where, okay, we can all kind of build on what we've learned, and I've got people that have done it like four or five times in a row, like they just, wow. Keep coming back. It's like being a black belt in karate. Mm-hmm. You're not learning new special moves at the black belt level. You're just mastering the basics a little bit better. Mm-hmm. And that's what we do. We just focus on these basics. So if you wanted to learn more about that course, you could go to ben pew coaching.com and just go there. We'll have something that we'll tell you about it. Okay. And it'll probably be launching. September or October time. Okay. Again. So that'll Okay. Be the next time it'll be open. Okay. Yeah. That's awesome. So, I'll link in the show notes for Ben's website so you can find it and, get in contact with him. Ben, thank you again so much for coming. I really, really appreciate your wisdom and insight. That was fantastic. I hope everybody has a great week. Get out, decide the kind of parent you wanna be. Stop trying to control your teen. Stop letting your teen control you. And just be the parent you wanna be? Okay, everybody, have a good week. Bye. Thanks for listening today. If you like what you hear on the podcast, and you'd like to learn more, feel free to head over to my website. Jamilin Stephan coaching.com or find me on Instagram or Facebook at Jamileh. step in coaching.