Loss with Tricia Zody

Loss and the ensuing grief are inevitable parts of our mortal experience. It can be the loss of a loved one or the loss of a dream, they all bring us grief. I invited Certified Life Coach Tricia Zody to talk about this sensitive topic. In 2017 Tricia's husband of 30 years tragically died, leaving her in despair. But God reached in and told her she could have another beautiful life. Now she runs Another Beautiful Life Coaching and uses her story to help others. Listen to learn about loss, grieving, healing, and still living a beautiful life along the way.

Tricia Zody's Website:
https://www.triciazody.com

Tricia's Podcast - Another Beautiful Life:
https://www.triciazody.com/podcast

Tricia's Social Media:
https://www.instagram.com/triciazody/
https://www.facebook.com/tricia.zody/

https://jamelynstephan.com

https://jamelynstephan.com/meet-with-me/

https://www.instagram.com/jamelyn_stephan_coaching/

jamelyn@jamelynstpehan.com

Transcript

0:00

I'm Jam Lynn Stephan, and this is Want To Want at episode number 80, loss with Tricia Zody. Welcome to want to want it a podcast for women of the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints who are ready to ignite not only their sexual desire, but all of their desires to create a more fulfilling life and marriage. I'm jamielynn Stephan. I'm a certified life coach, a wife, and a mother of seven children. I'm excited to share my personal journey to desire with you and teach you how to desire more as well Hello everybody. Welcome to the podcast today. I'm really, I feel really blessed to have somebody on today to talk about loss with me. This is Tricia Zody. She has been certified with the Life Coat School, right? That's correct, yes. Yes. And so, I actually had somebody reach out to me, when I had asked people like, what do you wanna hear about on the podcast? And they reached out and they were just talking about. Loss. They were talking about loss of pets, loss of parents, loss of other family members, but also just loss of what they kind of had thought their life was going to look like. And so I wanted to get somebody on here that I felt like really could address this well and give us some good information and some tools and things to use as we deal with loss because it's an inevitable part of this mortal experience we're having. So I'm really, grateful to Tricia For, being willing to come on today. And so I'm gonna just let her tell you a little bit about her and then we'll get started on our interview. Thank you, Jamin. I am so privileged to be here with your audience and be able to use my experience, um, and to help others. I, I just feel like, and, and that's one of the things that we'll talk about is, um, you know, we are called to comfort others with the comfort that we have received. And so I think it's a necessary part of this human experience to when we go through things that we do not let those things. Be in vain, but we allow the things to have a redemptive story. Mm-hmm. And, uh, so I appreciate having this opportunity to redeem my, even my broken story. I love it. So my name is Tricia Zody. Um, I have three beautiful adult children and I have one. Grand baby. Oh, yay. And she's brand new. She's five months old now. Um, she and her beautiful parents live in, uh, Japan. Oh. So, um, that is, that's, that'll be part of the story too, because as we're talking about loss, though, I clearly have gained something so beautiful. It comes with a loss of ideals mm-hmm. Of what I thought being a grandmother would look like. Yeah. Right. With them being 14 hours away. So yeah. Um, we'll talk about that. Yeah. Um, but it is such a privilege to have, uh, grown children now. Um, I am a recent widow. In fact, August and a couple of months, August 5th will be this sixth year anniversary, which actually anniversary doesn't sound like the right word because it seems like it should be a celebration, but this. Six year mark of my husband's death. Mm-hmm. My husband and I, uh, were married for just. Under 30 years, we were just about to, uh, celebrate our 30th year anniversary. Mm-hmm. That is something to celebrate. We met in college, in fact, my second semester of my freshman year. Mm-hmm. So right into college I met him. Yeah. And we fell in love. And I knew the minute that I, uh, met him and went out with him the first time, I told all of my girlfriends. This is the man I'm gonna marry, and, and I did. Mm-hmm. Um, and so, uh, but he, he did pass away six years ago. And, um, we were at a place in our life where our youngest son was. In college, he was finishing up his senior year in college. Mm-hmm. Um, so we were, it was in the empty nester phase. We were starting to make all the plans for the future, all the dreams about our retirement, what that would look like. Mm-hmm. We had, uh, purpose some purchase, some property and the hill country and. Uh, just gonna retire. Right. And be that couple that just tootled around and did whatever we wanted to do. Yeah. And went to lunch, and then sat on the back porch and, you know, and watched the sunset. Yeah. That's, you know, all the things. Mm-hmm. Um, but at, at, at the same time with our children in mind and their children, right? Mm-hmm. So always making room for family and family events and, um, and vacations together. And so we had. So many dreams mm-hmm. For our future. Mm-hmm. Um, and of course at his death, that was, that all came to a screeching halt. And that all changed in a moment. Yeah. So, I have experienced things since then. Um, That I never, I, I've never experienced before. And then, and let me tell you, two years prior to his death mm-hmm. My, my mother and father both passed away within four months of each other. Oh wow. And then four months later, my mother-in-law passed away. Mm-hmm. So in 2015, I had three significant deaths. Mm-hmm. Um, in my life, but nothing. Uh, really hit me, obviously like the death of my spouse. Mm-hmm. Um, so, so there are varying degrees to loss. Even before, just before he died, we, uh, I, I lost one of my pets. Right. You were talking about there's all kinds of loss and, um, and that was devastating as well, because we know our little pets are little free. They're just free people, right? Yeah. In our family, they're just part of our family. So, um, so I've, I've had quite a bit of loss in my life. Mm-hmm. And, you know, when I recount that Jaylin, I sometimes, I think, wow. Wow. Let's just stop a minute. Mm-hmm. Look at me, right. I'm alive. Right. I'm alive, and I am thriving in mm-hmm. Um, you know, in spite of all this loss mm-hmm. That is part of the human experience as you've, you've already, um, mentioned, um, and. This is the hope that I want to give to your audience today. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And which I, I have my own podcast and I'll tell you how that came to fruition. Yeah. Um, as well. Um, but it is the, the whole purpose is to share hope. There is hope. If I'm here, you can be too. Okay. If I am able to thrive, so can you. Mm-hmm. That's the hope. So, okay. So then what drew you to coaching? Was it just like, oh, this is a good avenue to share that hope? Or what was it that drew you that Yes. Love that question. So, um, it, so it's really interesting. I was familiar with our coach, the teacher. Mm-hmm. Uh, that is the leader of our live coaching school, and I was familiar with her before. She started doing certification. Mm-hmm. Um, and I was following her and then, and then got distracted with life and then quit following her. But right after my husband died, I started following her again. Okay. And one of the things, because one of the, one of the pieces that I. Needed to understand about my husband's death. Um, was he, my husband died by suicide. Okay. And I did not, I could not understand that. Mm-hmm. I did not have any context with which to understand how a very strong physically, emotionally, spiritually, how this strong man. Could be taken down. Right. And I needed to understand that. And one of the, the pieces that I was looking for was, I, I had heard in passing that he was in chronic pain, um, for many years. And I had heard that chronic pain literally changes the gray matter of the brain. Mm. So I started getting very curious about that. It's like, What, how, how could that even happen? Like what is that? And it reminded me of what I was listening to when it came to the Life coach school. And we know that the Life coach school is all about mindsets, right? Mm-hmm. It is what you are thinking mm-hmm. Is creating the results that you're ex, how have you're experiencing your life, right? Yeah. So we understand that. Um, so that set me on a trajectory of learning about. Brain science. Okay. And I was digging into it and reading everything that I could and getting ahold of white papers and research and just anything that I could get ahold of to understand what was going on. And I, and I came across neuroplasticity. Mm-hmm. And neuro means just the brain plasticity. Plastic means change. And so it is the understanding or the realization from neuro researchers that your brain does change and can change up until the very last. Breath that you take on earth. Mm-hmm. So, um, that means that the input, the things that we're receiving and listening to the messages we're entertaining. The voices that we're hearing, not just externally, but internally. Our internal chatter is literally making incrementals. Incremental, small, small step-by-step little changes in our brain. Mm-hmm. And so if we're not attending to those, if we are not paying attention and we are not trying to change the narrative when they are negative messages, then our, our brains are just doing what they're created by God to do, and that is change. Mm-hmm. So, um, so I, as I am starting to understand this, I, um, am, am starting to put some things out on, in, into my Facebook community, just my friends. Yeah. And just kind of sharing my journey mm-hmm. Of healing and understanding. And, and a lot of people said, Hey Tricia, you ought to write a book. I mean, what you're sharing is so valuable. She, you should write a book. And I was like, Ugh, that sounds daunting. I'll just start a. I'll start a podcast. Yes. Yes. Which I didn't know how to do either, but it sounded a whole lot more accessible to me. Yeah. Yeah. So figure that piece out and just started kind of allowing the story to unfold. I had, I. Years of journaling this journey prior to his death of the hurt and the, and it, and it's, uh, I could liken it to someone who sees, uh, has a, uh, a loved one who has a terminal illness and they see an end date and they are slowly losing that person. Yeah. In fact, I watched both my mother and my father, um, pass away by cancer, so I know, you know, it's coming. Mm-hmm. So there's an incremental loss that's happening. Mm-hmm. As you go along the way. So there's already grief prior to the event that leads to even more grief and more complex grief. So, um, I was already doing this with him and I'd had years of journaling watching him suffer, right? And so I was able to take that and just share my story. Mm-hmm. So I did that. So the podcast became just kind of a slow rollout. Of that story. And then somehow by God's grace it started spreading in outside of my community into other par parts of the world even. Mm-hmm. Um, and people were getting ahold of me and saying, Hey, I'm walking through that same thing. Yeah. Can you help me? Can you help me? And that led to life coaching. Mm-hmm. I had been in ministry, in women's ministry for 20 something years. Okay. And been mentoring, walking alongside women, but really more with biblical principles. We were just kind of walking and, and let me just say, and for your audience they know, but for any, anyone else who doesn't, life coaching is very different. It's very different. In fact, the way that I approach my life coaching is I kind of take that mentoring piece where I am walking alongside with someone using biblical principles and values to steer their life and, and integrate brain science. Mm-hmm. Which allows you to understand why you do what you do. Yeah. And why you don't do what you do. And that you have the ability to exercise neuroplasticity, to get your brain working for you, not against you. Right? So if you understand all of these pieces, now you have empowerment. You mm-hmm. Have the power. To change and you don't feel like you're at the effect of your brain. Mm-hmm. And you don't wonder, you know, I have a lot of people who say maybe I'm not really a good Christ follower, and maybe I'm not a good Christian. Yeah. Because I'm not doing this well. I'm not, you know, following the precepts of the word. I'm not able to do this. Something is wrong with me. Mm-hmm. Then that means I'm a horrible person. Right. Yeah. Just, yeah. You know? Yeah. But they don't understand that there are other things going on. Uh, that are at play that have to do even with their past, even sometimes as a young child. And a lot of times Yes. As a young child, yeah. We created perceptions and realities that were based on emotions and not true at all. Mm-hmm. Um, but we're living out of that today. Yeah. And we're experiencing life in a very miserable way, and we don't know how to get out. So, totally. That's how life coaching happened. For me. Right. Um, that's how it was born. And I'm just telling you, it is such a privilege and I know you know this, when you are working with clients one-on-one to watch them have radical transformations in their life. When they get it, yes, when they get it, take responsibility, take ownership, and then grab onto that power and make those changes for themselves. It is mind blowing. And I sit over here going, I can't believe I get to do this for a living. I know. I literally get to watch lives being changed radically right before my eyes. And it's, yeah, it's the most beautiful thing. Yeah. So that's how I got, okay. That's how I got here. I love it. And so do you feel like, um, when you started, your focus was trying to help people with grief and loss, or was it more of just, I just wanna help people with whatever. Yeah, it really was. I wanna help people with whatever, because here's what I knew. Um, so. I knew that everyone had a, a brain, everyone's brain works the same. Mm-hmm. Um, you just have, it's like the same frame. We all the same frame, we just have different pictures inside, right? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So our brains are always working the same. So I knew that regardless of what you brought, whatever your picture was, whatever you brought to me, I could help you. Right. I knew that. Right. And I didn't really wanna just limit it to grief. But I will tell you, I have a lot of widows that come. I have some that have, uh, loved ones who have died by suicide. I have, but I have, I have some that are having issues in their marriage, some that are having issues with their children. I mean, some that are just having, living in anxiety and cannot move out of their, even their home. Yes. And, and live in life. So I, yes, I coach everything because I believe, I, I believe that I, well, I can, I can help everyone. Yeah. Yeah, a hundred percent. Which is, yeah, the fun thing about coaching, it's like, yes, everybody can benefit from it, which is so great. Yes. So good. Yeah. So you kind of mentioned like, um, you're like, yeah, I've, like, I've lost pets and even losing my parents was different than losing my spouse. And so I just wondered if you could just kind of talk a little bit about this idea, like, I guess loss and grief don't always feel the same. Right. Yes. And I, and I would say here, here's, uh, so I've lost pets. Mm-hmm. I've lost parents. Um, I have not lost, I have one sibling. I've not lost a sibling. Mm-hmm. So I do not know what that feels like. Mm-hmm. I have also not lost a child. Mm-hmm. So I do not know what that feels like. Mm-hmm. And one thing I've understood is that you don't know until, you know, So there is no way that I could say that what I've experienced, my loss, um, even with the death of my parents and my husband, that I could fully understand what a mother who has lost a child or a father who has lost a child is dealing with. Mm-hmm. And feeling right. Mm-hmm. Or perhaps even a sibling, I don't know. So I would never sit over here and say, I completely understand what you're going through. Mm-hmm. There is no way, you know, until, you know. Right. Um, I, and, and also there, you know, if it someone. Is not able to say to me mm-hmm. As someone who has lost a husband, perhaps to cancer or an accident or whatever. I understand what you, Tricia, are going through because they, they don't know, because my husband died by suicide. Our husband's died in a different way. Right. Um, so we, there's still an element that you would never be able to understand, and even if your husband did die by suicide, you wouldn't fully be able to understand me because you don't know my experience and my relationship with my husband. Mm-hmm. You don't have no idea. So it's really difficult for us to say, I totally get it. I totally understand where you're coming from and I know what so, so the one thing that we all have in common, again, Is the human brain. Mm-hmm. And if we can go at it with, look, your loss is going to be your loss. And I would also say, say you lost a pet. Mm-hmm. I've had some people come on, you know, one-on-one, and they, and we do it by Zoom. And so I'm watching them and they're like, I just am really embarrassed to tell you this, Trisha, because I know that my loss isn't as great as yours is. Mm. I'm like a, whoa, wait a minute. Mm-hmm. Your loss. Is your loss and it's great to you. Mm-hmm. So it does, you cannot compare. Mm-hmm. Oh, mine can't be as hard as yours because look what you've gone through this. Right. Mine's just a pet. So we never want to discount that someone's loss regardless of how they lost someone. Mm-hmm. Or what it is. It's, it may, it's a loss of a dream. It's a loss of the time. Yes. It's a loss of, uh, of an ability. Perhaps it's a loss of a leg or appendage or so, or a ability to. The move along. Right? Yeah. There're all kinds of losses and it's yours and it's important and it's big. Right. Okay. So there's never should be a comparison. Yeah. Um. As to one being greater than another for sure. Okay. Okay. I love that. Um, like I, I've coached clients who have, have more of, like, I just feel like this isn't turning out how I thought it was gonna be. And we kind of talk about kind of grieving the idea of what we thought, you know, was going to be. Do you feel like, um, Like the stages of grief, do you think that is a thing that people actually do end up having to go through, are the stages of grief and no matter kind of what your loss is, you're gonna kind of have to go through these stages? Or like what, what's your experience with that? Yeah, so one thing I would say is that grief is not linear. Grief has stages for sure. But they're not in any particular order. Someone might have told you years ago, and lemme tell you that, that study on grief, when they say, here are the stages of grief, that's very, very old and antiquated. Okay. But, so you could start straight to anger and, and skip denial and then come back to denial later. I mean, they're just not in any particular order. Okay. But you probably will touch on at some point, You know, all of them. It may just take you years before perhaps you get to anger Okay. Or, you know, some of the other stages. So I, I, I don't like really talking about stages of grief, okay? What I like to do is talk about your grief experience is going to be with you Jaylyn, for the rest of your life, okay? As long as you have a loss, you will always have grief. Mm-hmm. Because if there was love. And there's loss of that then, and, and loss of, uh, especially an individual or a pet or just whatever is with you now you will, and that's no longer with you. You will always be grieving that loss. Mm-hmm. It'll just look different as you go. Mm-hmm. It'll lessen in intensity. Mm-hmm. The experiences will be different, but you still will have grief. So I do have some clients that have been like, wow, I'm just, you know, it's two years, I'm two years in and I'm. Still grieving. I'm still crying, or I'll still see, you know, I lost my dad and I'll see somebody who looks like my dad or somebody who's holding a little girl's hand and, and I'm starting to cry and, you know, and, and I just, you know, if I could just tell them, grief is not a gremlin, right? Grief is not a monster trying to hunt you down. It's going to be gr make friends with grief. It's going to be with you forever. And the the, when you open up to, okay, grief is my friend, because grief is a reminder that there was love. Mm-hmm. Now I can actually celebrate that. Okay. I'm grieving, I'm crying now because I had love. Mm. I had love and I can honor that as opposed to like, don't let me do it. Don't make me do it. Don't make me cry. Like, okay, no, let's not do that. Let's embrace grief. Mm-hmm. Let's allow grief because it is a reminder that there was love. Let's now just settle in the love, the experience, the memories, right? Instead of worrying about running away from grief. Yes, it'll always be there. Yeah, and I think that even, even myself in my mind, I think when I think, oh, I wouldn't want that to happen because I don't wanna feel the grief, because I think you're right. It feels like a gremlin. And the more we resist something, we know, we know the bigger it gets. Mm-hmm. We're just by we, we think we're just by stuffing it down or resisting it, denying it, whatever we think we are putting that away and we are not, all we're doing is a giving it more power over us. Mm-hmm. And by, by facing it. And that's any emotion, but by facing grief and, and even embracing it and mm-hmm. And saying, yes, this is just part of my life and, and I'm going to expect it and I'm not gonna beat myself up. Mm-hmm. So, uh, I'll just tell you a brief story. Uh, last year, November. My youngest son, it was his birthday. He's the one that's in Japan. Yeah, I was in, uh, h e b now, now this is at five year, the five-year mark. Right, right, right. After his five-year death mark, um, of my husband, I was in the grocery store at, on the hallmark aisle, right, trying to find a card for my son. And the first one I picked up, I don't know why, but I picked up a card, uh, of this man, a silhouette of a man holding the hand of a little boy. That doesn't make any sense. I'm a woman, I'm not a man. Why would I be picking this up? Right. But I don't know. But I just did. I think it was just God divinely pointing to this one, pick this one up. And I picked up the card and I started reading it. And it was very simple inside. It was not, you know, fluffy and you know, it was overly poetic. It was real simple words. Mm-hmm. And true and authentic words. And as I'm reading them, I'm like, oh my gosh, these are the words that my husband would have said. To my son. Mm-hmm. That's how real and authentic and just plain they were. They were just words that would've come out of his, his mouth on his birthday. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And I started crying right there in the aisle at the grocery store. Right. Yeah. Now, if I was afraid of that, if I was afraid of feeling grief and then also beating myself up about it, I would have. Stuffed that card back in and ran as fast as I could. Right. But what I did, I was like, oh, wait a minute. This is grief. I'm grieving that. My husband is not here to say these beautiful words to my son. Mm-hmm. And that hurts my heart for my husband to be able to experience this, but also for my son. Mm-hmm. Who's not gonna be able to hear these words from his dad. And I just am gonna feel this. I feel it because I feel a loss of love and I feel a loss of his presence and, and just a, there's just a hole here and there's just loss. And I, what I literally did, instead of running out of the Gerry store, I went over to the Kleenex aisle and I grabbed a box of Kleenex and I brought it back to the aisle and I opened that box. And I don't know what it feel those was allowed or not. I started using those Kleenex right there in the middle of that aisle, and I just sat with it and I allowed it. And who cares who saw me? I mean, I was so, uh, into the moment that it didn't even, I, I wasn't even registering. If there was someone around me, they're probably like, clean up an aisle five, you know, but, but you know, bring a big, big mop. A really big mop. There's snot and tears everywhere. Um, but, but I just, I just let it happen. And then I just, and then it washed through me and I was done, and I got the envelope to that card and I went up and I paid for it, and I walked out the door and I was like, That was good. That was good. That felt good. It felt right. It felt honoring to my late husband. Mm-hmm. It felt honoring to my son and his relationship with his dad. It just felt right and then I was done. Was done. Right. I love it. Yeah. Wow. Wow. Yeah, that's like, so just raw, right? Just being like just this is very authentic. Yeah, and I'm just gonna say it and healing because here's what happens, and this is what they know. Neuroscience scientists have found that if we are going to to stuff something down, we're going to resist it, deny it, whatever that trauma that we are experiencing, that grief, that high heightened emotion get stuck in the cells of our body. And we know that there's a. A thing called psychosomatic, right? Yeah. And psycho means psyche. Psyche the brain, somatic soma, the body. Mm-hmm. There is a direct cor correlation between what we are thinking, what we are experiencing in our brain and what's going on in our bodies. Mm-hmm. We know that our brains and our bodies are intimately, directly connected, and so if we refuse. To deal with those things, look at those things, attend to those, allow those emotions. Mm-hmm. It's still staying stuck in our subconscious, even if our consciousness does not want to recognize it and, and work through it. Yeah. It's staying stuck in our subconscious and our subconscious is always trying to. Solve problems and answer questions. Mm-hmm. So now all I've done, if I refuse to attend to that, I've just stuck that in my subconscious, in my subconscious 24 7 is trying to figure that out. Mm mm-hmm. If I will not process it, it's going to figure it out and it's going to become very stressful because I can't reason with it. I cannot bring my consciousness, my prefrontal cortex, my adult brain that says, here's logic and reasoning to this. And we're going to be okay. We're not going to die. We can feel this and we're gonna be fine, right? Mm-hmm. That, that whole processing is actually flushing the toxins, flushing the trauma out of our brain, through our tears, through our tears. That's what God made tears for. Mm-hmm. Is to flush that out because you've. I'm sure you've experienced this, you had a really good cry, and you were like, oh my gosh, I really needed that. I feel so much better. Yes. That's what God has created this experience to be for us. Mm-hmm. Is to flush those toxins out of our body, that trauma out of our body. Mm-hmm. So it doesn't stay stuck. Mm-hmm. When it does stay stuck. What neuroscientists have realized is that they, they've always known that there's a psychosomatic connection. Right. Because they knew that people who had high stress were getting ulcers. Mm-hmm. They knew people who were having high stress were having heart attacks. Yes, yes. They knew this. They just didn't know how to keep it from happening in the first place. Mm-hmm. They knew the effect. They just didn't know the solution. Mm-hmm. But now they're finding that if we go ahead and are mindful, we are processing things, we're pro allowing emotions. We're not stuffing them or resisting them, uh, denying them. We are actually processing, letting those things happen as they come. Then they are, we are keeping things away that are inflammatory diseases and what that is. Inflammatory diseases. We know heart disease, um, Alzheimer's, diabetes, uh, some immune deficiency disorders, some forms of cancer. Mm. So they're saying if we will not stuff it, if we will not deny, not put compartmentalize things and just put it in a box, set it, uh, aside Yeah. That we're actually letting this crying happen in the middle of the, of the card, you know? Yes. Greeting cart, cart aisle, this is, uh, processing and letting it go through. Mm-hmm. Now I am staving away. All those things that will actually from my, from my mind to my body, affect my body. Mm-hmm. Right. Yeah. So it's just, it's, it's, he, it's health is what we need to be doing, um, and need to be attending to those things because it actually then actually is healing. Yeah. It is healing. Yeah, right. It is. Mind body healing. Healing. 100%. Yeah. Okay. So you have someone who's like lost a loved one, and I think in our minds it's easy for us to be like, of course you're gonna have that forever. That's gonna be a grief that you're gonna hold. I think what I see with my clients, when they feel like they've had a loss of a dream or how they thought their life was gonna work out, they feel this anxiety to get to a place where they just can accept it. Right Where it's like, like when am I gonna get to the place where I can just accept, accept this and mm-hmm. I don't know, like, do you feel like there is a difference, like that there is a place where it's like you can make some peace with the loss of your dreams, maybe in a way? Or do we, is it the same kind of thing? Like It's okay to grieve this forever. I dunno, what are your thoughts on that? Total opinion doesn't matter. Yeah. So, um, I, I'd say not just opinion, but experience. Mm-hmm. Okay. So what I understand is that, that two things can exist at the same time. Mm-hmm. Disappointment, which is a feeling, disappointment that things have not panned out the way I thought they would and. Resolution being resolved. That is, this is my life. Mm-hmm. Can coexist. Okay. And, and doesn't ha doesn't keep me stifled. Right. So it's not pretending because I think anything else is Jaylin pretending. Like, I'm not disappointed, right? Okay. Dadgummit, I'm disappointed, right? Mm-hmm. Things are not the way that I thought they were, that they would be. Um, you know, there wasn't one point, I have to tell you this, there wasn't one point that I was beating myself up for being that I idealistic 20 something when we got married. And it was like, oh, this is what we're gonna do then, and then we're gonna do this and we're gonna have these many kids, and then they're gonna do this and we're gonna have this many grandchildren, and then we're gonna. Retire over here. We're gonna build this house and we're gonna help all the grandchildren do this. And I'm like, I had it all planned out, right? Mm-hmm. I had this ideal, uh, vision Yes. Of what life is gonna be. And there was a time that after he passed away, I was like, how stupid and naive. And I was just beating myself up for actually having those kind of dreams. I don't think that's, Good at all. I think we should have dreams. Mm. I think we have, we should have dreams and visions and we should just plan big. Mm-hmm. And then, and then understand that sometimes things just don't go the way we plan. Yeah. They just don't. Yeah. And we have a choice at that time, and this is exactly where I was, we have a choice at that time to either stay stuck in what we had hoped to be our reality. Mm-hmm. Or to accept the reality that we actually do have and move forward. Right. One is going to keep us in a woe is me pity party. You're not gonna be living fully. Mm-hmm. And here's the deal, you cannot change it if it is a death of a loved one. Even if it's a death of a dream and it's already gone past. Yes. You cannot. Make that come back. We cannot make our loved ones come back. Yeah. So the best thing and the most healthy thing we can do is, is to say, yes, I am sorely disappointed that things did not go the the way they, they are. I am going to grieve that and grieve that well. Mm-hmm. And at the same time be resolved that this is my reality and I refuse. To not live a full life. Mm-hmm. Because, and, and, and, and I'll say this, two things. There is too much life regardless of your age. Mm-hmm. There is too much life ahead of you, not to live fully. Right. I love that. And conversely, life is too short for you not to live fully. Mm. Love it. And those, and those two things coexist. Yeah. Right? Yeah. So what, like, you obviously have made this. Fantastic life in a different way than you'd initially thought it was gonna be. So where, like what happened for you that was like, okay, I'm actually going to step in and create something different than I thought I was gonna have and love it. It was in my deepest, darkest moment. It was in the pit of despair when I literally was thinking, I have nothing more to live for. Mm-hmm. I have, all my dreams are gone. Mm-hmm. All my hopes are gone. The love of my life is gone. My best friend is gone. Everything's gone. I, I'm done. Mm-hmm. Right. I have nothing. Mm-hmm. And in that darkness is when I felt God reaching his hand down and saying, Tricia, you can have another beautiful life. Which by the way, is the name of my podcast, which I love, Heather. Beautiful life. He said, you can, you can ha you had a beautiful life for 30, 30 years. Mm-hmm. You can have another beautiful life. It's not gonna look like what you had hoped or dreamed or planned. Mm-hmm. Or even what you experienced with your husband. It is going to look completely different, but you can have a beautiful life. Mm-hmm. If you say yes, and it is your choice mm-hmm. If you say, yes, we can make together, we can make this happen. You, you add your faith to my hand and here we go. Love it. Uh, I had no idea what that was gonna look like. Mm-hmm. All I had to do in that moment was say yes. Okay. And I think that is, you know, for someone who is in the depths of despair and, and, um, I, I think you, we need to understand that. You don't need to know. How that's gonna happen. Mm-hmm. You just need to say yes to it. Yes. You just need to say yes to the process. Mm-hmm. And then it apply your faith to that. Yes. And let God yes. Help you walk it out? I did not know at that moment. I mean, I'm in the depths of the despair. I mean, to the point where I'm like, I'm done. People would say to me, oh, Trisha, but you're gonna be able to help so many people. I'm like, I don't wanna help nobody. I don't care. Yes. What they're dealing with, I don't care how, how much they're hurting, I don't care. I don't wanna help anybody. Right. Yeah, I was. All about me and my own pain. So normal. So, okay. Yeah, it's fine if that's where your any one of your listeners are. Yeah, it's okay. Don't beat yourself up, up about it. Um, because we all go through that. We are all in that stage where, uh, you know, didn't the world stop? I mean, why is everybody else moving? Totally. Why, why is everybody else still living? Right. Why is the world, why are they still going to the grocery store and doing the things? Yes. I think the world stopped. Why aren't they stopping? Yes. So we are, we do get there. We are there at some point. Mm-hmm. But there will be a time where it is offered to you. Mm-hmm. You can, you can step into something new. And you, you're saying yes, just makes you take that first step and you hold hands with God and let him work it out. Because that's when I started the podcast, that's when I started helping people and wanted to, right. That's when I wanted to help people. Right. Right. Before I was like, I don't care. I don't care. I don't care what you're dealing with. Right. Yes. I don't wanna help anybody. Yes. I don't wanna be stronger. I don't wanna be, I don't want any be, I don't wanna be better. I didn't wanna do any, any of those things. But you say yes to God and he, you put your hand and your faith in his and he walks you to the next step. And I started the podcast, then I started life coaching. And here today, I feel a redemptive story. I feel like if I can share what I understand. You know, even what my husband may have experienced, and, and again, I don't know because I was not in his head, I don't, right. I had no idea, but I can speculate, which makes me understand when I felt the deep despair that I felt, yes, I can understand. His deep despair. Yes. His hopelessness. I felt it. It may be different, but I know, I understand. I understand how my brain was working. Mm-hmm. And so I, and I also understand that there was an enemy that was having a field day with that. Yes. Okay. So again, we, we understand what the enemy is trying to do. He's trying to latch onto our. Our brain that's just like in survival mode, but it's also, it's trying to survive. But at the same time, it's like, this is too daunting. It's too hard. We don't wanna work this hard. We, let's just shut down, right? Mm-hmm. And so we've got all these elements into play, and if you understand that, if you have that awareness, you, you, it's kind of like you can pull back from your own life and being right stuck in the middle of the trauma, you can kind of pull back as that observer and go, oh, wait a minute. I, I, I think I need to do something here. Right? I think I can do something here. I can, I think I can take that next step. Yeah. And again, you don't need to know how it's gonna happen and how the beautiful life is gonna pan out. Mm-hmm. Um, you just need to say yes to the next step and watch the Lord do it. I love it. Oh, that's so amazing. Okay. So I do want people to be able to find you because, um, I just think this, I mean, just this topic on its own right, is so daunting for people and, and affects. All of us. Right. At some point. Mm-hmm. Some time. Mm-hmm. So how can people find you, tell us all of the avenues to get help from you? Sure. So, um, I, if you wanted to hear my podcast, um, you can go to my, or find out more about me. You can hear about more about my story. Um, I have a website, it's trisha zody.com. Okay. Um, and my podcast is on there as well. My podcast is also on iTunes, Spotify, any other platform you probably listen. To this wonderful podcast on you can find mine. Um, I am also on socials, so I am on Instagram and Facebook as Trisha Zody. You can find me there. Yeah. Um, and the name of your podcast again is Ano Another, another Beautiful Life. Yes. Perfect. Okay. I will link to all of that in the show notes for sure. And so that people can find you and, um, listen to you and get help if they want. Yeah. I cannot thank you enough for coming and sharing your insights and your story and just being really vulnerable and, uh, hopefully just giving people an idea of really, um, I don't know. What I took from this a lot was like, whatever you're feeling, it's just like, okay, like. You're okay and you're okay. Let this like, just let this process be what it is and try not to be impatient and be kind to yourself. So I really, really appreciate all that you shared. Thank you so much for coming. Thank you, Glyn. You wrap that up just perfectly. Absolutely right. And it's been a privilege to be um, here. And if I can again, if I can bring any comfort to your listeners with a comfort that I've received, then yes, my trials have not been in vain and it's a redemptive story. So thank you so much. I love it. Thank you so much. Yeah. Thanks for listening today. If you like what you hear on the podcast, and you'd like to learn more, feel free to head over to my website. Jamilin Stephan coaching.com or find me on Instagram or Facebook at Jamileh. step in coaching.