As I sat down to set some goals this year a strange thing happened. I had no idea what goals I wanted to set. My desire to set a goal was gone and I felt totally thrown off. I took my struggle to my life coach who helped me realize I was trying to set goals to prove I was worthy of self-love. I knew I no longer wanted to set goals to prove my worth so I decided to focus on choosing something to create this year. In so doing I knew my "goals" would naturally come.
https://jamelynstephan.com
https://jamelynstephan.com/meet-with-me/
https://www.instagram.com/jamelyn_stephan_coaching/
jamelyn@jamelynstpehan.com
As I sat down to set some goals this year a strange thing happened. I had no idea what goals I wanted to set. My desire to set a goal was gone and I felt totally thrown off. I took my struggle to my life coach who helped me realize I was trying to set goals to prove I was worthy of self-love. I knew I no longer wanted to set goals to prove my worth so I decided to focus on choosing something to create this year. In so doing I knew my "goals" would naturally come.
https://jamelynstephan.com
https://jamelynstephan.com/meet-with-me/
https://www.instagram.com/jamelyn_stephan_coaching/
jamelyn@jamelynstpehan.com
I'm jamielynn Stephan and this is what to want at episode number 102, no goals. Welcome to want to want it a podcast for women of the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints who are ready to ignite not only their sexual desire, but all of their desires to create a more fulfilling life and marriage. I'm jamielynn Stephan. I'm a certified life coach, a wife, and a mother of seven children. I'm excited to share my personal journey to desire with you and teach you how to desire more as well Hey everybody. Welcome to the podcast today. I have to apologize because I have a cold. I do not get sick, usually. If something comes around in our family, everybody else gets it and I generally am fine, but sometimes I just catch a touch of it. And so I'm sorry. I have a cold, I thought about waiting, but the reality is. I don't have any podcasts recorded, so I gotta record this or no podcast. And you know, when you're at 102 episodes, You just feel like you can't miss. So here we are. You just get this voice today. I am back to reality finally. Um, all my companies gone, one more tiles moved out of my house. I am officially down to three children living in my home. Uh, it's only been a few days at this time of recording. But it feels so strange. It's like good. But so strange. Our life is still really full, but I often find myself thinking there's more infills to be doing and then realizing, Nope, there's not. So it's kind of lovely that way. But I'm also feeling like I just want to hunker down and just do the bare minimum in my life after a really busy fall and Christmas. So at the time of this recording, we're actually just coming off of five or six days of super ultra cold weather. We have had the most beautiful winter. Most of the days of our winter have been above zero degrees Celsius, which is rare here. And it has been gorgeous. And then suddenly, boom, freezing cold minus 51 degrees Celsius with the wind chill. And I am just so glad that we really had hardly anywhere that we had to go, because we just spent a lot of time as a family, just hiding in our house, playing games and watching movies. Making buttons and just loving the time to just hunker down. Um, now it's a lot warmer, relatively, like it's still below zero, but you know, minus six or something. But we have a snowfall warning and we're getting a lot of snow. So I feel like we've waited a long time for winter to come, but it is officially here in all of its glory. So here we go. Today, I want to talk to you about a recent experience in goal setting. That didn't really end up with goals being set, but kind of anyways, it's going to make more sense as you listen. But I really just wanted to share it with you in case it could be useful or helpful For some of you. When I sat down this year to finally set my goals, which was just at the beginning of this week, because it's just been really busy. The kids were out of school and all the things. And so. I finally was like, okay, it's time to sit down and really think about the goals I want to set this year. And I felt. Nothing. I didn't feel dread, but I didn't feel excited. Like I just felt nothing. And it was so strange because I thought about other years and sitting down and setting goals. And as I remembered it, I could feel the feeling kind of, of excitement of setting goals. Cause I actually really love to set goals. I could feel it in my body, but it lasted for like just an instant and was gone. Otherwise, like I had no idea what I would even set a goal to do. Like nothing. My brain felt totally blocked. I had no idea. Not even a clue of a goal I should set. I thought, oh, maybe I should pick a word. I've done that before. Let's pick a word for the year, but it didn't feel good either. So I thought, okay. Do you know what maybe what I'm just going to do is I'm just going to live. Every day, one day at a time. And just take the challenges that life will inevitably give me. And just leave this whole goal making thing behind me. But then I went into this whole thing in my head about like, what does it mean about me if I'm not trying to reach for a goal? And what kind of example am I setting for my children? Not that I ever tell my children, the goals that I'm setting, but for some reason, this came into my head, like I'd be setting such a terrible example to my kids if I wasn't setting a goal. And the reality is, is I was like, I like having goals. So why am I so stuck right now? And I really started to spin out in my head a bit. I know I was making a way bigger deal of this and it actually needed to be. But it felt so not like me, that it threw me off. So I am actually so grateful because the very next day I had a session With my life coach Laura DRI, who is so fantastic. And I was able to just take all of this and talk it out with her. And there were just so many insights that I gained in this session with her. And that's what I want to share with you today. Actually, it really is just one main insight that came to me that I wanted to share with you today. So I explained to Laura all of the stuff that I just explained to you about how I felt really thrown off by myself. And really thrown off that I didn't have goals I wanted or any desire to set any goals. And so she said to me that she said, when I make a goal, I have to ask myself, why am I doing this? And that question was so good for me now, she was meaning it in the sense of why am I doing this particular goal that I've chosen to do? But I took it one step deeper and asked myself, why do I feel the need to set goals right now? And honestly, there's a lot of reasons that I have set goals in the past. And Those thoughts kind of came to me, right. Those reasons, like I've always done this. I've been taught. You should set goals. I like the challenge of setting a goal. I feel like when I set goals, it feels like I'm really engaged in my life. It feels like it's really the responsible thing to do. It seems like every successful person in the world sets goals. I know that they talk about it. And I really like to feel like I'm progressing. And when I set goals, it helps me progress in my life. And so all of these reasons are in my head, right? Of possible reasons why. I usually set goals, but as I really sat with this question of, why do I want to set a goal right now? The answer that came to me was this. I want to set a goal so I can prove something to myself. Mostly. I want to set a goal to prove to myself that I am a good person, that I am a worthy person worthy of. Self-love. And when I realized that suddenly I had no desire to make a goal anymore. I have spent way too many years trying to prove my worth to myself. When I sit back and ask myself, If I'm worthy and good enough, I am at a place in my life now where logically I can say yes, I believe that I am, but my heart doesn't always feel that. And then it makes me start to live my life, trying to prove to myself that I'm worthy of being loved by me. And honestly, It's exhausting because I never get there. So once I realized that this year, the reason I felt the need to set a goal was to prove my worth and to prove that I was okay. I was out. I was like, okay, I am not going into this with the notion that I need to set a goal because I need to build my worth. Now. There are times when I want to prove something to myself. Maybe I want to prove that I can do something that my brain says I can't do. Like, I'm going to hike three big hikes in one day. That's different. That feels different than doing something to prove to myself that I'm worthy of being loved. So do you see what I mean? I've set plenty of goals to prove to myself that I can do something hard. And those goals increase my confidence and my capacity. But I don't want to set goals to attempt to prove my worth to myself. So that's why I instantly was like, I am not doing this. If my self-worth is on the line. But in my heart, I still wanted something. So then Laura asked me. What if goals are actually faith, building, not worth building. And that was a really great question for me because the idea. That goals actually helped me build faith, like faith in myself. Faith in the goodness of others, faith in God, just faith. And I thought. If goals aren't about building my worth. That I want to think about them as building faith. And so then where does that leave me? And the thought that came to me. Was that instead of setting goals. What if I just wanted to create something this year? And if so, what would that be? And suddenly I just felt my mind open. I didn't feel confused anymore. I didn't feel blocked. I just was like, if I could decide, even on one thing I wanted to create this year. Then any goals would just organically appear. And some of them I might write down and others, I just might naturally start to do, but my focus would just always be on creating something. Creating this thing that was specific for me. So I want to ask you the same question. I asked myself. What do you want to create this year? Now a few episodes ago, I talked about. What we focus on, we create more of That's why when I focus on proving my worth to myself, I just create more, need to prove my worth to myself. Anyways, I just want to take this a step further. Okay. What you focus on, you create more of, so whether you've set goals or not. What do you want to create purposefully? And can you set your focus on creating that? Now, this might all change for me next year. Maybe next year I will totally be back to normal goal setting. But for this year, I want to think about the word focus instead of the word goal. Not because I'm never going to use the word goal, but it just keeps me in that deliberate creation and not kind of consumed by the goal. Because when I think about creating something this year, it feels like I'm actually tapping into my divine nature. God has blessed me with the capacity to create. And he's always wanting to co-create with me. Which means that I'm never going to have to try and create alone. Now just like choosing a goal. When I asked myself, what do I want to create my brain? Instantly wanted to think about the perfect thing, right. It's that thing that would be the most impactful. The thing that I'll never regret. Or I'm never going to want to change my mind on, and I do this with goals too, right? It just has to be like the perfect goal. So, if you're starting to ask yourself the same question, I want to encourage you to be the boss of your brain and to not try to find the perfect thing to focus on the perfect thing to create. Let your intuition and the spirit guide you. And you will come up with some great ideas and then just pick one. The reality is if you need to redirect at any point, you will know, and you can always do that. This is your life. You don't have to commit to this for the whole year. It's okay. You just need to start. And speaking of starting, I know at times that I get so that I feel like it's too late to make a new year's resolution in February or March or April, but I promise it's not. And the same goes with this. Give yourself some time to really contemplate some options of what you want to create this year. Mullet around, sit with the ideas for a minute. And then commit yourself to something. There is no rush. But that being said, You also need to be onto yourself. If you can tell you aren't making a decision so that you don't have to start, you may have to set a decision deadline for yourself. So, what do you want to create this year? You can do this exercise over and over again. So maybe you just want to create something this week. It's fine. There are so many ideas of things you could create. Endless, endless ideas. It can be something physical, right? Transforming a room in your home or creating a piece of art. Or beautifying your yard. It could be something mental, more in the mental area, right? Learning a new skill, learning how to fix something in your house or increasing your understanding of biochemistry. It could be. Something spiritual. I want to create a closer relationship with Jesus Christ. Or I want to increase my ability to understand and really hear the promptings of the holy ghost. It could be emotional, right? I want to create more safety in my body after trauma, or I want to create a resource for others to use who struggle with negative emotions. It could be. Relational, maybe you want to create a new friendship or learn how to listen better. Or maybe you want to create something for your body, maybe you want to have a stronger body or you want to learn how to do your makeup differently or how to dress differently. If you don't have something that's comes to your mind immediately just brainstorm so many ideas and something will come to you that you could create this year. As I sat in my session with Laura. I knew exactly what I wanted to create. Because I have felt a pull to this for many months now. And admittedly, I feel a bit intimidated by it because I see that it's going to take a lot of growing up. And a lot of conscious effort from me and probably a lot of discomfort. But I am committed and kind of excited to try. Now I might totally fail, but regardless, something will be created that wasn't there before, because I will be different for the effort. I will be a different person. Just for doing this work. Now I want you to know that I honestly believe that we have the power to create because we are children of the most creative beings in the universe. So I know, like I said before, whether we are intentional or not, we are always creating because it is innate within us. So I have to acknowledge that I will create something this year. In fact, I'm going to create many things this year without hardly thinking about it. But I want to be more intentional in all areas of my life. And as I think about my particular and deliberate choice that I have made of what I want to create this year, I know that I will need God to co-create it with me. It actually feels impossible to me. And honestly, I always want him co-creating with me because then everything always works out. It may not look how I thought it was going to look or how I envisioned it. But it always works out. So I want his input. I want his wisdom. I want his strength has guidance. His encouragement, his love. When I think of co-creating with God. I think about it, like pairs figure skating. Okay. So you think about these two. People on the ice figure skating together and they're completely in sync. Every move is identical. But at other times, they're out of sync. They're not in sync at all. They aren't doing the exact same thing, but it's still beautiful and really pleasing to the eye and it's going to get them great marks from the judges. And I think this is how we are meant to co-create with God. At times we are meant to be completely in sync with him. So for me, that means, really aligning myself with him, not requiring him to align with me because he's not going to do that. If we're out of alignment, that's on me, not him. So when I get a distinct prompting to do something, I will step in with God and move together with him in sync. As I follow the spirit. But I think often I think actually many times, most of the time we have freedom to move in the way we want to that expresses our desires and strengths. And God is still on the ice with us. He's still co-creating with us and supporting us. Maybe he's holding us up in a spin or whatever, but we are creating the beauty and the goodness and the life we want and, and what we desire. And we have the pleasure of creating what we want and we continue to skate with God. We're still following his will, but there is a freedom inside of that. D Todd Christofferson describes it as collaborating with God. To collaborate, right? That means to work jointly, to produce or create something. So because of the nature of what I want to create this year. I know that God is going to have to be with me on this journey. In a very strong, supportive change, my heart kind of way. And like Laura said to me, what I've chosen to create this year is actually truly a faith building experience for me. I do believe God will be with me. And I believe that no matter what you're wanting to create this year, he will be with you as well. And let him. Let him help you redesign your yard. I had him help you make a new friend or learn how to do physics. It will increase your chances of creating what you want, or even something better. If you collaborate with God and co-create with him. So now that I'm done my Sunday school lesson. I just want to say. If you've set goals already. You are already set to create something this year. Maybe you want to look at those goals and just ask yourself, if I accomplish these goals, what will I have created? That might be a fascinating thing to look at. If you haven't set a goal and you don't want to set a goal, but you would like to consider creating something this year. I hope what I've shared has been helpful for you. And if you decide you're just going to live life, knowing it's going to give you heaps of learning opportunities and endless things to create. That is good too. I wish all of you, the very best of luck this year and whatever way you choose to approach it. Have a great week. Everybody we'll talk to you later. Bye. Thanks for listening today. If you like what you hear on the podcast, and you'd like to learn more, feel free to head over to my website. Jamilin Stephan coaching.com or find me on Instagram or Facebook at Jamileh. step in coaching.