#99 - What You Focus On You Create More Of

It's the beginning of 2024 and so I have to ask: What do you want to create this year? Whether you know it or not, you are always creating something, good or bad, positive or negative. And your greatest creative powers come from your brain. That's why this episode is about focusing deliberately on what you want in order to create more of it in your life.  Because, as Jen Sincero says, "What you focus on you create more of."

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Transcript

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I'm jamielynn Stephan. And this is what to wanted. Episode number 99, what you focus on you create more of. Welcome to want to want it a podcast for women of the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints who are ready to ignite not only their sexual desire, but all of their desires to create a more fulfilling life and marriage. I'm jamielynn Stephan. I'm a certified life coach, a wife, and a mother of seven children. I'm excited to share my personal journey to desire with you and teach you how to desire more as well Hello, everybody. Welcome to episode number 19 nine. I don't know how this happened. I actually almost can't believe it. We are almost to a hundred episodes and that feels completely unreal to me. When I was in a mastermind with Jody Moore and she suggested that I start doing a podcast, I was like, no way. I can't do that. I wouldn't even know what to talk about. And anything I might want to talk about has probably been talked about to death. But I am actually so grateful that I took the challenge and started because even though I may be right, maybe it is totally possible that the things I'm talking about have been talked about to death. It has allowed me to have a lot of personal growth. It has allowed me to record things that I want, at least my children to know. So. If nothing else, they can listen to this. And it has allowed me to serve some of you. I know that not all of these episodes are created equal. I know that what some people find helpful, others find completely off putting, but I do hope that if you're looking for help or new ideas or just new ways to see the world that you have found it here in at least one or two of my episodes, Anyways. It's just seems kind of crazy to be on episode number 99. Happy new year, everyone. It is officially 2024. When this episode is going to be released, I'm sure some of you out there are so happy to see the end of 2023. And maybe some of you feel the opposite. Maybe you're sad to see it go. I always love a new year And probably because I was trained from a really young age to kind of always look to the new year as a new beginning. That's how it feels for me. I liked the opportunity to reflect on things I want to accomplish this next year. And maybe on some things I want to change or improve, and it feels kind of very grounding to me to start a new year. But I know this isn't how it feels for everyone. Some people don't even know what the big deal is. Other people refuse to set goals or do any kind of thing like that at this time of year. Right. They have a myriad of reasons why they do not want to set a goal. They hate the fests. But it's all good. No matter how you feel about the new year and new year's resolutions. I think this episode will just be a good reminder of a principle, I believe so deeply in now sometimes I forget. But I do want to remember it more because I really do believe it's true. And that is this. What you focus on? You create more of. Now I actually don't know who first introduced me to this quote, but I read it over and over again. And one of Jensen's heroes books, and it really is the basis of my coach training. And so I use it in my coaching all the time. So let's just take a minute to review the model. Now I taught you this almost a hundred episodes ago. I don't know. I think it may be, maybe it was episode number seven. And it is something that I'm always using on myself and with my clients, whether they know it or not. Okay. So the model is just five lines. It's the circumstance. Your thought, your feeling. The actions that you take and the results that you get. So first thing first, just overview. We want to always separate the facts or the circumstances from the story or thoughts about those facts. Okay. So the circumstance sign, these are just the facts. It's the temperature. It's the people around you. It's your weight. It's the balance in your bank account? It's the text someone sent you. Just the facts. These are very indisputable. Everybody would agree with them. And they aren't good or bad. They're just neutral. They just are what they are just the facts. Now your thoughts are different because your thoughts are the story that you tell yourself about the circumstance. So if the circumstances that you have$25 in your wallet, you may have the thought. I don't have enough money. Now that may seem super factual to you that you don't have enough money. But it is just your thought about it. Even if all of your friends were to agree with you, that$25 is not enough money. It is still a thought. Because if you were to give a five-year-old that$25, he might think he was the richest man on the planet. Or if you were to give it to a struggling student, they might feel like they just won the jackpot. Okay. So$25 being not enough money is just a thought. The$25 is a circumstance. And your thoughts about it being not enough just to thought. So the circumstance isn't good or bad, it is what it is. Your thought about that circumstances, the reason that you feel positive or negative about it. And this is such good news because that means you actually have the power to decide if something is a problem or not. If something's positive or negative, good or bad. All the responsibilities on you. And just know this too. It is okay. If you make something a problem, or if you want it to be negative. Now I know that I've given this example before, but I want to choose to feel upset when I hear about human trafficking. Okay. I want to believe that that is horrifying. But I recognize that I choose that thought. Because I know there are people in the world that greatly benefit from human trafficking. And so they have really positive feelings about it, but I choose to believe it's negative and terrible and horrible. Okay. The next line in the model, right? We have our circumstance than we ever thought about that circumstance. The next site is the feeling line. Because what we think creates a feeling in our body. Okay. So often we believe that our circumstances are creating our feelings, but like I already showed you. It's what we make our circumstance mean. It's the thoughts we have about them that create our feelings. So if your child yells at you and tells you that they hate you, the thoughts you choose to have about that circumstance are going to be what creates a feeling in your body. It's not really what your child said. It's what you think about what they said. And I'm not saying that there's a right or wrong way to feel about that circumstance, but there may be ways you want to think and feel about it that are going to serve you better than others. Now our feelings are always going to fuel our actions. So when we feel happy, we're going to act differently than when we feel sad. When we're excited, that's going to look different than when we're depressed. So your feelings are going to be the reason that you do the things you do. So, if you want to get a better understanding about what you're thinking and feeling about a certain circumstance, look at your actions because they can help you see clearly, like, obviously I'm not thinking about this. Like I thought I was because I'm acting this way. Right. So, because when you're annoyed, you're going to act way different than when you're curious. Okay. When you're angry, Or afraid it's not going to show up. The same as confidence does. And so sometimes when you can look at how you're acting, it helps you understand better what you're feeling and thinking. Now our actions really, really matter because our actions are the things that give us the results that we have in our life. If you have an area of your life, you want to change or relationships you want to change, you have to change how you act in those relationships, which means you have to change the way you feel because your feelings are feeling those actions. Which means that you have to change your thought because your thoughts. Create the feelings in your body. If you want a better relationship with your mother-in-law. You have to change your thoughts about her. This will change how you feel and when you change, how you feel, you will change how you act towards her. And before you know what your relationship with her will be totally different. K. So this is just the review of the model. Okay. And what the bottle teaches us through circumstance thought, feeling action and result is that what we think creates all the results we have in our life. Because what we think about our circumstances creates that feeling in our body. The feeling fuels our actions, those actions give us the results we have in our life. Pastor Ferdie, Adam. says, if you knew how powerful your thoughts were, you would never entertain a negative thought ever again. So here we are at the beginning of a new year. And perhaps whether you're a goal maker or not, it would be really valuable to remind yourself, to remind ourselves that what we focus on, we create more of, or what we think about creates the results in our life. So here's another quote from Freddy out of mafia that I really, really love. Thoughts like seeds have the power to reproduce supernaturally. Be deliberate about who God says you are and don't negotiate that. God is not the one torturing you. Your thought process is your issue. What you believe you create, what you believe is revealed in how you live. Okay. Your thought process is your issue. He says what you believe you create, what you believe is revealed in how you live. So a few years ago, I was introduced to the idea of choosing a word for the year. K something that would focus me for the year. And this is in January. And you choose a word that you want to focus on for the year. So as I'm recording this right now, before new years, I actually haven't decided if I'm going to even choose a word this year or not. But in general, I actually have really liked this practice. The first year that I did it, I chose the word intentional. It was super powerful for me as I tried that year to be intentional in all areas of my life. As a wife, as a mother, as a business owner, as a coach, as a person who served in my church. And I wrote that word intentional in a place where I would see it and it would remind me. And focusing on that word created a more intentional year for me. Of course it did because it actually created a year that I felt more accountable for. And more empowered in. Another year I chose the word faith. So I was wanting to fast from doubt. And that was going to require me to turn to faith and not just religious faith, although it totally included that, but it was also faith in myself, faith in others, faith in circumstances. When doubt crept in, I had to ask myself, what would faith say about this? What would it say about me as a coach or a mom? What would it say about this unexpected change of plans? And it was really, really powerful because what I focused on, I created more of. This is the why behind goals. It's to give us practice focusing on something we want to create more of in our lives. If you're someone who's learning how to want to want something again, how to desire things again, remember what you focus on, you create more of. So as you practice wanting something and allowing yourself to want it, you will create more desire. Now, please don't freak out. You won't become selfish and horrible by creating more desire. You will just become more of yourself because you will be creating more of you. Wanting something doesn't make you a selfish person. It's when you only care about what you want and decide that no one else matters. That's when you have a problem, but that's not what I teach here. So practice focusing on wanting and see what happens. See what you create. We are always creating something. Always. It's part of our divine nature. So if nothing else, I would challenge you to at least remember this year. That you are always creating something with your thoughts, with your focus. Okay. So what do you want that to be? I honestly would love to see what would happen for you and for me and for our larger community, if more of us used our creative powers for good. What would happen if you and I decided that we wanted to focus on being more positive this year. We would create more positivity in the world. That is what would happen. If we decided to focus on generosity or gratitude or service. Things in our lives and the lives of those around us would be so blessed. It would be so greatly improved. Focusing on talking kindly about others or being a peacemaker could be really challenging, but what you focus on, you create more of right. So don't set a goal or choose a word or anything like that. If it's distasteful to you, you don't have to do that. But I would ask you to consider just reminding yourself that what you focus on you create more of which means you have to be deliberate and intentional about what you focus on, because you're always creating good or bad. You are creating. Your thoughts matter if nothing else. I decide you want to have an awesome year and then create it just by managing your brain. Leave the victim mentality behind leave behind contention, leave behind judgment and negativity. Require your brain to create more goodness. This year, I actually know that we can all do this. It doesn't have to be. You know, Our year to end wars and famines and poverty. Like that would be amazing, but it doesn't have to be that kind of a year. Let's just get us closer to. Bringing more good humans with good brains creating good things. Into the world. That's all we have to do. So. If you're a goal setter, you could use this as part of your goal. If you're somebody who has a word, you could use part of this as your word, if you're not that person, would you consider at least reminding yourself? What I focus on, I create more of, and really using that this year to create just way more. Goodness. I hope you all have a great week. Happy, happy new year. Welcome to 2024. And talk to you again. Bye. Thanks for listening today. If you like what you hear on the podcast, and you'd like to learn more, feel free to head over to my website. Jamilin Stephan coaching.com or find me on Instagram or Facebook at Jamileh. step in coaching.