#120 - Connecting With Yourself with Denita Bremer

Denita is back and this time she is sharing why and how we should connect with ourselves, emphasizing the importance of consciously connecting with oneself and exploring the reasons behind not feeling good. She also includes honouring our desires as essential in self-connection. She explains how to process emotions through using sensations as well as other practical methods such as visual meditations and journaling as ways to connect with oneself.

Before becoming a fulfilled Life & Trauma Coach, Denita Bremer led a miserable life with a hot husband and three very healthy kids as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in the suburbs of Denver, Colorado. She has learned a holistic approach to healing and success, which she shares on her podcast, If I’m So Blessed, Why Can’t I Feel Good? She meditates and does yoga next to her bed because her office is too messy.

Denita's Website:
https://denitabremer.com

Denita's Podcast - If I'm So Blessed  Why Can't I Feel Good?
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/if-im-so-blessed-why-cant-i-feel-good/id1733936159

Find her on Instagram:
https://instagram.com/denitabremer

And Facebook:
https://facebook.com/denitabremer

https://jamelynstephan.com

https://jamelynstephan.com/meet-with-me/

https://www.instagram.com/jamelyn_stephan_coaching/

jamelyn@jamelynstpehan.com

Transcript

0:00

I'm jamielynn Stephan, and this is what to want at episode number 120, connecting with yourself with Denita Bremmer. Welcome to want to want it a podcast for women of the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints who are ready to ignite not only their sexual desire, but all of their desires to create a more fulfilling life and marriage. I'm jamielynn Stephan. I'm a certified life coach, a wife, and a mother of seven children. I'm excited to share my personal journey to desire with you and teach you how to desire more as well Hello, everybody. Welcome to the podcast. I am really excited to have Danita Bremmer back on my podcast. She was here a while ago talking about trauma and the nervous system. And today she's come back to talk to us again, we're going to discuss connecting with yourself and Danita's got some really good insights into this that she wants to share with us, but Danita, just for people who haven't met you before, can you just give us a brief introduction and then maybe tell us what you're doing that's a little different from then when you were here before? Yeah, sure. Thanks, Jamilyn. It's always fun to be here. I'm Danita Bremer and I live in the Denver, Colorado area. I have two teenagers that live at home with me. I have one young adult. Child who is halfway across the world going to school and I coach LDS moms as well. But I take kind of a trauma informed lens and do really more somatic work. And I think when I was here on the podcast before I was just starting to move into the somatic work, I hadn't officially declared it to the world, but now I really do more of the, the feeling work, the deep. Processing of emotions from a nervous system regulation lens so that it has really changed the quality of my coaching. I sometimes do mindset coaching still, and I love mindset coaching. It's what brought me here, but I, it's usually more of a minor part of my coaching now. That's great. That's great. And what made you really kind of dive into this side of coaching in this kind of work, the more, the somatic work. Yeah, I realized that I had had traumatic experiences. In my past that I thought, you know, quote unquote, weren't affecting me anymore, but they actually were preventing me from being as successful in my business as I wanted to be. I, you know, every time I thought of like, I need to be in front of more people or I need to grow my audience. I just, well, I couldn't. I couldn't do that. It felt really scary to me. So I kind of intuitively knew that it was a trauma response because it really came from my body, right? It felt like this hand that was coming up, up my chest and like cutting off my voice. So I sought out a somatic coach somebody who helps, you know, higher achievers work through their own limits. And that experience was so useful to me. that I was like, I need to do this. I need to do this work. I need to learn more how to bring this into my coaching. This is what people need. And I will say like, you know, the pendulum always swings and we get very enthralled in something and then the pendulum swings back. So in a more mature view, cause I was very gung ho and like all the coaches should go to somatic coaching and all of this. Now I'm like, okay, There are a lot of paths to healing and the somatic work that I do, which is really, we'll talk more about this, the connecting with the sensations of how you feel. It's just one door, but some people come at this with yoga or breath work or meditation. You know, there's a variety of ways that we can build that relationship, that connection with ourselves. And so, I, I kind of focus in on emotions and how those feel and letting them kind of ride the wave in our bodies as a way to connect with ourselves, but also a way to connect with others. And so that's my thing, but there are a lot of, a lot of different things. It's just, it's what I needed. Right. So therefore I of course offer it. I love it. Yeah. And I guess that's really validating in a lot of ways to just say, Hey, there's a lot of paths to healing. And if, if this sounds like something that would work for you, then. Great. And if not, find your path to healing. So okay. So we are going to talk about connecting with yourself. And I guess I wonder a little bit, Danita, when you think of that, what do you mean by it? Because I think sometimes we all have a different idea of what does this mean? Like when I'm talking about connecting with myself. Yeah. And I wish we didn't have to explain this, but I think it is a sign of our culture and how disconnected we are that we're kind of like, what does that even mean? So what it means to me is that within each of us, we have this true self, this, this essence of who we are that can't be marred. By, you know, the cultural conditioning by the relationships, by the things people have said to us. It's just pure and, and, and yeah, it's just pure. That's how I think of it. And it's still in us, but then we have kind of this pile of junk that's been put on top of it. And so when I say connecting with yourself, it's sort of like learning who that is. Version of you is that pure unadulterated version of yourself that has not been wounded has not, you know, isn't picking up all of the thoughts and beliefs from the world necessarily. I mean, some of those things are helpful, right? But it's like, if you are the last person on earth and there was nobody else, Who would you be right with, without all of the conditioning, without all of that, who would you be? And I, I think that we don't connect with our own essence, our own desires, our own self, because we're so concerned about what other people think or the things that we've learned. And well, what about that? You know, and. Deep down, if there wasn't anybody else, if there was no right or wrong, we would still have ideas and preferences and desires and all of that. And so that's, that's what I mean. And we do it through a variety of different ways, but self reflection is a big one. Just kind of, I always think of it as like slowing down to take time to be with yourself. Right. Almost like we do with our kids. We know that we want to connect with each of our kids. Occasionally we schedule one on one time with them. Do we schedule that one on one time with ourselves in a really intentional, loving, kind way? Right. Yeah. Yeah. I guess I was thinking a little bit about when I'm coaching women on intimacy and just this like, if you want intimacy in your marriage. You have to be willing to see your partner as they actually are like seeing and and all like all of it, kind of the mess of it, and the awesomeness of it and be able to really see that and to show that as well from yourself and that actually creates the intimacy and so it does almost sound like you're describing. An intimacy with yourself that Oh, yeah, for whatever reason, we're super resistant to because as you're talking, I'm also kind of like, I don't even know what that would feel like. I feel like I would, I don't even know what I would do almost right. Like, and so I feel kind of this resistance to it. Like I almost kind of just like the story I have of myself and I'll just march and just, you know what I mean? The surface level. Yeah. Yeah. I do think that I love the word intimacy, you know, and in, you know, in the circles of experts around intimacy, they, they often say intimacy is into me see, right? So like see into me. And I don't know that we can do that with another person much more than we've done that with ourselves. Okay. Right. So it's kind of this spiral of the more we get to know ourselves. And even kind of the, the bad quote unquote, bad parts, the parts that we don't really like the parts that we reject. And, and start to love on and just see those parts, right? Can we just bring it to the open and not judge it? The more we can become intimate with ourselves and then with others, right? It's just like this really deep seeing and knowing. I do. I think that is true. I feel like one thing I've learned when you talk, when you talk about the two great commandments, right? Love God and love your neighbor as yourself. Implicit in that is this idea that you love yourself, right? And as I've just done more and more of my own work, I've come to realize that if the limit that you can love and accept yourself, it limits your ability to love and accept others. Like I actually don't think we have the capacity to really love others beyond what we can love ourselves. It just seems to be like it kind of creates a ceiling almost. And even though maybe we feel like I can be a little more compassionate or forgiving to other people than I am to myself in the end, like it, it just seems to be the measure, the better you get at being able to look at your own mess and have compassion. It just expands that compassion you can have for Yeah, totally. Yeah. And I think that we can see the worst in ourselves. Right. We can also see the best in ourselves if we choose to. Even with an intimate partner, like a spouse, there's, you don't necessarily know their inner thoughts and their inner feelings, but you do know your own. And so I think sometimes that mess inside of us, the parts, the parts of us that we don't want to see that we don't like that we were like, Oh, I wish I was different. We just resist it. Right. And what if we could just be like, Oh, this is a part of me. What if I make friends with this? Right. So that's part of like connecting with ourselves. I do think it's really useful to see this in terms of like a parent child relationship because we all have that one child who is the most difficult, the one that we have the most friction with. Not that we love them any less, but they're, they're just the most difficult for us. And we often say, I need to learn how to connect with that child more. Right. And so there's this intuitive, like when there's something that I don't like, when there's something I reject, we know that what is needed is connection with that. And that's the same, you know, with our outer external relationships as it is with our internal relationships. Yes. And I can totally see that you know, we have this desire to connect with this child recognizing my judgments keep me from connecting here. Yes. The judgment I have about how difficult they are or whatever, whatever the story is that I have that, that I feel like it's harder to connect with this child than others. It is that very judgment that makes the connection difficult. Right. And so. And most of the time it's because that child shows you something in yourself that you don't like. Mm hmm. And that's why you don't like it in the child. Mm hmm. If they Mm hmm. If it was something totally random and you're like, well, where did that come from? There wouldn't be as much judgment of it, right? It would just be like, oh, I just don't like that. It's fine. They can do it or not. I just don't prefer it. Yeah. But when there's that judgment, it's like, Ooh, it's something in me that I don't like. And they're showing it to me. They're mirroring it to me and I want to push it away and I want to control it or whatever. Yeah. I just, and it's like, we never get there. Right. We're always like, Oh, this is a mirror for myself. Okay. Yeah. And trying to remember that is so hard because sometimes it's You know, it's a little different. It's just slightly different than What's going on for you. So it's easy to be able to be like, no, that is a them problem. This is not a me thing that I'm seeing, but I can totally see how the judgment makes it very hard to connect. And so I guess learning how to drop the judgment of ourselves you know, in the face of it, I don't know, maybe to be able to kind of stand back from it a little bit and look and say, it's not my favorite thing about myself, but can, how can I. I guess like you're saying kind of love on it a little bit. I don't even know necessarily what that would be for some people, but I think the first step for many of us is just being present to it, like not resisting it, not pushing it away, not judging it, just being like, Oh, here's the thing, almost like if you could hold it in your hand. And just look at it, just turn it over, just let it be there, right, just being present to it. And we do use that language as well. Like, I want to be more present with my kids, with my family. What that means is that we're not bringing a bunch of our beliefs, ideas, shoulds, controls, judgment to the relationship. It's just, this just is what it is, right? And so that is often the first step of just like, letting it be there. And then the second step or further steps are like, Oh, actually I'm kind of getting used to this. I think I like this in a way. Right. But just letting the thing, whatever it is within you or the relationship, your kid or whatever we're talking about here, letting it be what it is without you trying to do anything to it, just being present to what it is. Yeah. Just letting it kind of have it. It's say, I guess, I guess that really is the first thing is just like, I just can accept what is right now without the judgment or, or feeling this frantic need to change it. But, you know, as you were talking, I was thinking to myself, this is part of the reason that it's so lovely to be busy because you can just, you know, you're connected with yourself enough. But you don't have to kind of sit with yourself. And I, I think that is something that certainly I think I've done in my past of just like, just keep myself busy enough to not have to do a lot of self reflection or connecting just looking to the outside world to kind of validate me as I march along. And instead of being able to be still and be with myself. Yeah. I, I think being busy, I mean, in and of itself is not wrong or right, but I think so often it is a distraction from the real work that we have to do. It's sort of like when you, when you bump your head or your knee or something and then you rub it, that rubbing sensation distracts from the pain. The, the pain is still there. It's just, we rub it cause it's like, Oh, I don't want to focus on the, how, how much it hurts, you know? And so I think there are times and seasons where our lives are full and that requires us to go from one thing to the next thing to the next thing. And we would maybe call that busy and that's fine. Right. Right. But if we are taking action. Almost as a way to not have to feel the deeper things, then I think that's just kind of a sign that you really are wanting to connect with yourself. There's something that needs to be seen or heard. Yeah. And I, and I do think it's, it's very socially appropriate, right? It's like being more productive, getting more done, doing more things. The world says, you're such an amazing human for doing that. And so we do like that we, we get rewarded for it, but there's a certain point. And I think this is why a lot of people in middle age have a, you know, kind of a midlife crisis or, or just a moment where they're like, what's the purpose of life? Like, what are we doing here? Because you can kind of, you have enough experience to see through the facade of. Am I really just waking up doing the same thing every day or is it meaningful? That is a call from yourself to connect, to be present. Yeah. And I think when I, I think about just even this podcast, like want to want it talking about desire, how if you can't connect with yourself, it's really hard to ever get to a place where you can say, This is what I desire. And I just recently went through this again, when I was really looking at my business seriously. I mean, like, what do I actually want here and getting to a place where I had to throw out all the ideas that anyone's ever presented to me of what a business could possibly look like and try and let all of that go and really get in touch with my inner self, who I really am at my core. And really being able to say, this is what I want. And that was hard work. Like it took a lot of prayer and fasting and thought for me to do that. But it's so crazy, right? How it almost feels selfish or, you know, I've been so disconnected from myself in so many ways over the years that it's uncomfortable, right? And then my brain just, because it's uncomfortable, then my brain is like, this is, you're, you're too focused on yourself. Just get out and serve other people and don't, you know what I mean? Like, it's just mind games that start to happen. And I do think that a lot of people struggle figuring out what they desire because it almost feels like I don't even have the right to do this. It's too selfish. It's, I don't know. You know what I mean? Yeah, totally. And I believe that our desires are an expression of the essence of who we are. It's part of, almost a part of our identity. I personally believe that God plants those desires in our hearts because I'm like, why don't I have the same desires as Jaymalyn? Right? Why don't we all have the same desires? It's because it's what makes me a unique individual. And I do think many of us have had experiences where we've voiced a desire and then somebody said, well, that's stupid. You shouldn't want that. And so we learn to like push it down to not speak it ever. And there's a lot of cultural conditioning around desire. And I'm not even talking about like sexual desire, right? Just like, what do you want? Yeah. Are you allowed to want that? There's a lot of shame that can come up because depending on your culture, right? We can have a culture where to some extent, I feel like this is true in the LDS world where It's not really looked upon as good or righteous to desire to have money. Right. But then what if that's actually true for you? What if you're like, I want to make money. I want to have a business to me, money equals impact in the world. But somehow throughout, you know, the Puritan culture that came down, we picked up this idea that, you know, it probably comes from the scriptures. The love of money is the root of all evil. But what if we do love money and we're good people and the more money we have, the more generous we can be, the more good we can do. I just, I don't know that that is necessarily a bad thing, but in that particular culture, it can be a shaming thing. Now you can go to business circles and then the opposite is true. What? You don't, you don't want to make a million dollars a year. What's wrong with you? Yes. And that feels so hard too. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. So it really doesn't matter what the culture is. There are shared desires and shared goals amongst many cultures or subcultures. And I think we have to be really careful to not just adopt the culture's desires for ourselves and to really think like, well, is this what I want? Yes. Right. And maybe that is, I'm sorry, go ahead and finish and then I'll see. I was just going to say, like, I have coached women who are like, yeah, I had kids because that's what the culture told me I should want to do, but I really don't want. To have kids and I'm like, I don't want anyone out there having children if they don't genuinely want children. Cause that's just a recipe for disaster. Right? Yes. Yes. And so I was going to say, I, I think it, maybe that is the value of having exposure to a lot of different ideas is it gives you permission. I feel like. Going to life coach school, meeting Burt Castillo, and there's a lot of things about her lifestyle that don't sit with me necessarily as like, Oh, I totally agree with that. But I appreciate so much her view on things like money, business balancing, you know, home life. And just all of that she presented to me just opened my mind to different possibilities. And I feel like what it did was then allow me to just be more deliberate about what I wanted to believe and think and what I really did believe and think. Not just so influenced by one kind of story that I had been more immersed in in my life. So there is so much value sometimes in just asking other people about their experiences or what they do or what they think. And not with this fear like, Oh, it's going to change me. But more of just, this just opens me up to get more in touch with what is out there. Innately in me. Yeah. I think so often contrast helps us see, right? So we have this idea of like, I have to figure out what it is that's me, but sometimes it's easier to get there when you figure out what it is that isn't you, that doesn't resonate because it just, the contrast is like, oh. This is why that's not me, right? Yeah, so rubbing shoulders with people who are very different than you is a great way to do that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it kind of just opens, opens you up a little more to, to seeing maybe. And then again, I think it goes back to like, when you see it, can you accept it? But tell me this, Danita, like what if I see something, I do get to a place of like, okay, this is what it is, but I want to change it. Is that still being true to me? Yeah. You know, like I, I just, there is a part of me that doesn't love the story of, well, that's just who I am. Like, do you know what I mean? I think we're constantly in a dance between accepting what is and changing what is because we want to, because we want something different because we think it would be better in some way. Yeah. I agree. So I, I think where we get in trouble is when we try to change things without first accepting them. Okay. Because that, that acceptance or even just the being present with it is very neutral. It's very like, It is what it is. I don't need to change it. I can, if I want, what do I want? Right. It's almost like an opening to what do I want versus if you're really in your head about something that you don't like about yourself, say, and you're just like, I want to change it. I want to change it. I want to change it. It's like, you'll take any other thing. Yeah. But it might not, the thing you take in replace of it might not be the thing you want either. Yes. Right. So it's more like throwing spaghetti at the wall. I have a really good example of this that happened a couple of weeks ago. I was having a conversation with my husband and he was saying that he wanted me to be more affectionate. Now, when I hear that, I think he wants to have sex more. Yes. And he was like, no, it's not sex. Like he's like, yes, I want sex a certain amount, but what I want more is affection. I want you to hold my hand. I want you to rub my back. I want you to sit next to me. I want you to, you know, those kinds of things. And I was like, Oh, so point number one was that I wasn't seeing him properly, right? I always thought, Oh, here's the conversation about how I don't want sex enough. Right. But it wasn't that. And it kind of surprised me. And so I did tell him, I said, Well, there's two things that are coming up for me right now. The first one is I'm just not really an affectionate person. This is partly because of how I grew up. My parents weren't like big huggers or kissers or, you know, like they just weren't affectionate. I knew that they loved me, but that's not how they showed it. And then the second thing that was coming up is like, but I want to change for him. And I had to sort of pause myself and be like, wait a second. Do I really want that? Right. Because I knew that my pattern in my marriage is like, Oh, he wants this. I do it. He wants this. I do it. And I was like, I just have to voice out loud that the first thing that comes up is I'm just not affectionate. I'm not that affectionate. I even, Have a hard time being affectionate with my own kids. Like I have to be like, when's the last time I hugged that kid. Right. And be like, I'm giving them a hug today. And then I said, but I do like, I want to be more affectionate. I think that if that's something you want, I would like to show up in that way. I just can't. Kind of have to sit with it a little bit. And the very next day we, we got a kitten a couple of months ago. And the next day I found myself playing with this kitten. And I was like, Oh, he's a good little kitty, kitty, kitty. You know, doing the, like the baby talk with the kitten. And I had this realization. Oh, I could totally change and become more affectionate because I have with pets, I've healed myself doing some of the trauma healing. I think being affectionate has been a byproduct of that, but I think my husband being affectionate with my husband is sort of the last frontier, right? My kids were the first one where I consciously decided I want to like give them hugs. I want to connect with them. I want to look them in the eye. I want to tell them I love them. Like my parents never said that to me. They never said, I love you so much. Right? Like I, I knew they loved me, but they never said it. So I consciously changed how I parented my kids. And then I've always been like, no pets, no pets is just more responsibility on mom. Right. And then I, my daughter, I have a 17 year old daughter. Who's really been wanting a cat for a year, maybe two years. And I started thinking. I want a cat too. And I was like, Oh, that's interesting. And so we got this, this little kitten for her birthday in January. And at first I was kind of like, I'm not going to take care of the cat. I'm not going to feed the cat. You're this is your job. Use your cat. And I was like, I want to take care of the cat. I want to cuddle with the cat. I want to play with the cat. Right. And so I just, it was such a moment of clarity where I could see how I have already changed in this. Particular area, this affection area. And so it wasn't so much that it was like, this is just who I am. It was like, Oh, I am changing. I am becoming more affectionate. There is something about the relationship with my husband that I don't want to say it makes it harder, but it's just not my default. I think it's because I want him to be the affectionate one. I want him to be the protector of me. Right. And, and I'm like, Oh, I can change that. And it, it just, the slowing down the connecting with myself of what do I really want? Seeing some patterns, recent patterns helped me. Realize which way I wanted to dance with the, do I just accept it or do I change it? Yes. Right. Oh, I think there are instances too, where I might've gotten in a different situation. I might've been like, Hey, I'm not willing to change myself. I don't want to. So it's just was such a, a good example of, of what we're talking about here. Yeah. Yeah. And just. That, that willingness to kind of really see yourself and, and I guess, obviously, maybe the spirit working with you to say, Hey, look, look at you with this kitten and yeah, look at the affection you show. Okay. So let's say that you're just somebody who's like, I do think I want to learn how to connect with myself, even though it seems like. A lot of work or I'm going to have to kind of grow up a little bit here and get uncomfortable, but I want to learn, like, what are some things, do you have any kind of practical things that people could do to just start kind of on that path? So the very first thing I always start with is noticing your emotions. Generally speaking, this is what we would call processing emotions, noticing what you're feeling in that moment. And then what I do is boil it down to the sensations. Okay. Cool. For example, anger. Let's say, Your teenager does something, you're just like simmering with anger, right? That anger might feel hot. It might feel like it's bulging out of your chest. It might feel fast, like there's like electricity in your body, right? So that's what I mean by boil it down to the sensations is not just, okay, I'm feeling angry, because what happens when we identify the emotion and it is a good step to do is But most emotions tend to have a lot of thoughts and beliefs surrounding them. Like if I feel angry, I'm a bad woman, right? That's kind of a cultural thing. So if you can boil it down to just what is happening in your body and a really good question that I like is how do I know I'm angry? Okay. Right. So it'd be like my cheeks are really hot. My chest feels like there's lots of energy there. It feels like it's like bulging out. Maybe I'm breathing heavier, right? So you can kind of notice the biological factors and just the sensations. Yeah, that's actually funny, Danita, because I just had to speak in church on Sunday. My husband had forgot to find a speaking companion, so I had to go speak with him last minute. And I was like feeling fine about it, except my arms and legs and hands felt weak and kind of tingly. And I was I'm nervous. Because I get this, like, just funny sensation all down my arms and into my hands and into my legs where I'm like, I don't know if I'm going to be able to stand at this pulpit because I feel so I'm obviously nervous. So that's really I love that. Like just the, if you really were to focus on the sensation and it's like, Oh, okay. What it does is as soon as you focus on the sensations, you have to allow them to be there. Okay. It's hard to, you know, let someone in the door without looking at them, right? And so they're there for a reason. These sensations are giving you a signal and most of the time, if you give them a little bit of attention, they'll subside, right? So there's a lot of different sensations, emotions that we can use, for example, but a really simple example is how, you know, when you have to go pee. Right. There's, there's some sensation somewhere in your body and then you're like, Oh, I gotta go pee. We don't make it mean anything about us as like the worth of our soul or, you know, but we tend to do that with emotions like, Oh, I'm feeling ashamed. That means I'm not good enough. I'm not a good enough person. I'm feeling angry. That means I'm out of control or whatever. But then we feel hungry. We feel like we have to use the bathroom. We feel hot or cold. We don't make any of those things mean anything. It's just, I'm human and it's cold outside or whatever it is. Right. And so we let it be there and then it runs its course. And I think in doing that, sometimes we can glean some wisdom, right? That actually also happens to me when I'm really, really nervous. I have this, like from, from my armpit down my arm and it's my pinky and half my ring finger goes totally numb. Yeah. And then I've been told that my neck and chest get very red and splotchy. So I'm like, Oh, okay. I'm really nervous. Right. I'm maybe that means that there's like a risk here. Maybe I'm going to say something that I'm thinking some people might not like that or they might not like the way I say it. Right. Yeah. It doesn't necessarily mean anything like I'm going to screw up or I shouldn't be here or anything like that. It just means like, Ooh, it feels like something's on, on the line here. Right. Yeah. So we're just like using those sensations to connect with your body, but also to try and maybe clean information a little bit about like what's happening for you. Is that part of it? Yeah. The, the second part of this is when you boil it down to the sensations and then you're able to just kind of sit with what is happening in your body. Most of the time, something will shift or move. And sometimes it's surprising sometimes. It's like, Oh, that's interesting. Now it feels like this other thing. Yeah. Right. So it might've moved from shame to curiosity or something like that. So there's the more you do this. The more you'll notice patterns in yourself, and I think the less you'll be inclined to judge it as something wrong or bad. Okay. Yeah. And that's what I want for people. I want to get more to that neutral place of acceptance. Okay. Yeah. That's, that's awesome. Okay. Anything else that you kind of feel like this has helped me connect more to myself or. If you're a person that really loves. Thinking and being in your head, conceptualizing, I think a reflection type journaling. Can be really helpful. I personally like to do almost like I'm in conversation with myself. So I will write out, you know, some of my thoughts or worries or concerns, and then I'll ask a question. And then sometimes I'll switch to my other hand. So non dominant handwriting can really connect you with, with your true, the true essence of yourself. Sometimes I'll just like use a different color or I'll write in all caps instead. And I'll just answer it from like a different point of view, almost like the little, the reels that we see, or the videos on TikTok or Instagram, where it's like one person playing two different roles. Yes. I do that in my journaling. So I'll ask a question and then I'll just, Think about it. Like, well, how would I answer this? If I was talking to myself or if I had a wiser version of myself or a future self, there are a lot of different ways you can do this, but I like to do it almost like I'm dialoguing with different parts of myself. And especially if you choose to use non dominant handwriting, some surprising things will come up, right? So that's a fun one to experiment with. I would also say we kind of talked about a little bit with the desires, spend some time honoring your desires. You don't necessarily have to act on the desires. Like if one of your desires is I want to go to Hawaii, I just really want to travel or something like that. You don't have to take the action, but can you just let yourself have that desire? Can you be like, Oh, I want to travel around the world. Interesting. Right. And just, just letting that desire be there and not shutting it down and not being like, Oh my gosh, that's so terrible of me. Right. I mean, sometimes I just have a desire to not be around my kids. I'm just, I'm done, right? So it's easy to judge those desires, but really spending time, even small snippets of time, like as you're doing the dishes, what if you said, I'm going to do the dishes and I'm going to be the person that is okay with having this desire, the desire you struggle with, right? So just honoring those desires, sometimes we can honor them in really micro ways. So maybe. You want to travel the world, but you don't have the money to travel the world. Can you buy a book about traveling the world? Can you read it and dream about it? Right. Yeah. Yeah. So do what you can to honor those desires and allow them to be there. I think that's an important part of like practically connecting with ourselves. Yeah. So good. So good. I also remember you were telling me about. visualizing while you pray. And yeah, just tell us a little bit about that. Yes. So I was in a program a couple of years ago where we were required to keep certain habits. And one of the habits was meditation. So I started out with kind of what you typically think of, like sit in a silent place, be still focus on your breath in and out. And that was fine. Like I don't actually mind that kind of meditation. But when I learned about guided visual meditations. It took my relationship with God to just like outer space, like this whole other level. And so now I often will imagine one of my favorite places. We recently went to Puerto Vallarta, which I know is popular with the Canadians too. And I loved it so much. It was just like the perfect beach. Not too, too many people, but there were still things to go see and do. And so now in my prayers and it's like prayer slash meditation, I just imagine an empty beach. and me and Jesus. And I have conversation with him. Sometimes we're walking up and down the beach. Sometimes we're just sitting on the, the beach chairs. And I've had some really intimate moments with Christ that way, but I have to think that he in, in these moments of meditation, he is a projection of who I think he is, right. It's still kind of coming from me. And so when I ask him questions and I, and then he answers me. I think it's actually coming from me, right? From my spirit or, or my intuitive knowing of like, how would the Lord speak to me? And because I practice this more of like a daily basis, because I do think we have experiences where we're like, I heard a voice and it was not coming from me. Yeah. But this is just a method that I love to use to connect with God. And In a way that I'm like also connecting with myself, I'm talking about the deepest desires of my heart, my worries, my concerns, you know, all of those, I'm, I'm very honest and open when I do these conversations and sometimes it's just like, Oh, I had a conversation with Christ today. And sometimes it's like. Something changed in my soul, right? So I love that type of meditation. You can, I've also done meditations where I imagine meeting my future self. I imagine myself in 20 or 30, 40 years, and I just spend some time. With, with her and ask her questions and what was it like for this and that, and that's fun too. And then I've also done some inner child work, which is essentially the same thing. It's where I'm just kind of using my imagination to think about how I was when I was five or 10 or 15 years old and having conversations. Mm hmm. Yeah. And I'm not trying to change my past selves at all. I'm really, it's more of like a getting to know them and what are you worried about and what do you want? And what, you know, all of that kind of thing. I was recently actually on a call with one of my coaches and we were talking about my fifth grade self because fifth grade was really hard for me. I had a terrible teacher and she said, what would you tell your fifth grade self? And I immediately knew I would tell her. Don't worry about any of this. None of it matters. Just do whatever you want. And I was a very good student. I was a very like, don't break the rules. And I literally told her, do whatever you want. Like, you don't have to respect your teacher. You don't have to follow the rules. And I knew that that's like exactly what I needed to hear about my business too. Yeah. Sometimes like when we visualize these things, these parts of us, future, past, whatever, I've even done kind of where I just carbon copy myself as I am right now and sit next to her. I'm like, what is that like to be next to me right now? That's interesting. Right. I'm, I'm a very like imaginative visual person though. So some people aren't going to resonate with that quite as much. But yeah, I do love that. Yeah. So, so good. Okay. Do you have any last parting, anything that we've missed or that you'd want to talk about in helping people learn how to just connect with themselves or feel more comfortable with it or desire to do it? I think I would just say You're connecting with yourself, whether you know it or not, and it's probably often happening on a subconscious, almost like connecting with yourself negatively, like we talked about that judgment or those kinds of things. And so just bringing this more to a conscious level and being more intentional with it is only going to be helpful. You're either going to learn things about yourself or you're going to feel more loving and kind and compassionate. Okay, I love that. I, I love that. It's kind of just saying like, listen, you actually are connecting with yourself. Yeah, and maybe you're resisting some of it, but you are so maybe let's make it a more positive connection. Yeah, one that actually teaches you things and helps you love yourself better. So I love that. Okay, Danita, tell people how they can find you. I know you have a new podcast, so tell us all about that and then where they can find you if they want to learn more from you. Yes, I do have a new podcast. It is called if I'm so blessed, why can't I feel good? So we are experimenting and exploring all of the reasons why we don't feel good. Spiritual, physical, emotional, Mental, like the whole mind, body, spirit spectrum. So I would love it. If your listeners would hop over to that podcast and give it a listen, I'm getting really, really good feedback on it right now. And I just would love a review. That's, that's my ask. If you found today's episode amazing or good in any way. And then if you want to learn more about me, just Head to my website, danitabremmer. com. I'm also on Instagram and Facebook at danitabremmer, but all the information is on my website too. Well, I will link all of that in my show notes. So that will be great. And yeah, Danita has good expertise. She's an excellent coach. She is really good. With feeling work. So if you want to connect with her, she will definitely be helpful. So thank you so much Danita for coming today. I cannot thank you enough. This was fantastic. Thank you. Thanks for listening today. If you like what you hear on the podcast, and you'd like to learn more, feel free to head over to my website. Jamilin Stephan coaching.com or find me on Instagram or Facebook at Jamileh. step in coaching.