We Are Selling with Lee Woodward
We Are Selling is a weekly podcast about real estate, business and tackling life's challenges. Hosted by renowned real estate industry coach, Lee Woodward, learn from experts in their field and maximise your life.
We Are Selling with Lee Woodward
163 - Mindset Reset: The Four-Piece Puzzle to Unlocking Your Potential
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Mindset is everything—you can have the skill sets, but without the right mindset, you won't use them effectively. Shirley Dalton, a real estate and business coach, shares her powerful framework to reset your mindset through four interconnected pieces.
• Values-driven vision: Aligning your goals with what truly matters to you creates energy and motivation
• Most people set visions based on what they think they want rather than what they genuinely need
• Resistance comes in three forms: limiting beliefs, trapped emotions, and values conflicts
• Rewiring the brain through list writing creates new neural pathways enabling voluntary action
• Heart-centered habits stick when they're aligned with what brings you joy rather than forced through willpower
• "Shadow values" are subconscious drivers that can be powerful motivators when recognized
• Nobody succeeds alone—support systems provide accountability and guidance when obstacles arise
• How you practice is how you perform—creating pathways in your brain through rehearsal builds cellular memory
Visit the link to learn more about Shirley Dalton's two-day workshops or eight-week individual coaching programs on Mindset Reset.
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Hello and welcome back to the podcast we Are Selling. My name's Lee Woodward, the author of the Complete Salesperson Course. Today's podcast is brought to you by our sponsor, nexar. Nexar is a dedicated real estate platform specializing in lead generation and database management of the entire real estate company For BDMs and agents. Working as one platform to generate opportunity. Nexar seamlessly integrates into your business systems, allowing you to have an extended solution. Let's get started with this week's episode. Get started with this week's episode. Joining us now on the program we are selling is a real estate coach, business coach, mindset coach, and we're very fortunate to have with us today Shirley Dalton. Shirley, welcome aboard.
Speaker 2:Thanks, lee, I'm very pleased to be here.
Speaker 1:Now, shirley, some people have seen you speak at our Complete Leader Conference. You were at the Complete Salesperson Conference where you were there assisting others. But today, great topic Mindset Reset, which is from one of your latest workshops that you've been doing. What is and what do we need to know to reset our mindset?
Speaker 2:Yeah, lee, mindset is everything. We can have skill sets, but if we don't have the mindset, we won't use the skill sets, and there's four parts to resetting your mindset. So if you think about it like a little jigsaw puzzle, there's actually four parts that we need to take care of in order to reset our mindset.
Speaker 1:Now I was reviewing some of your slides from this workshop and I absolutely love this little jigsaw puzzle and we're going to use that as our tracks today, or the segments of this session, and the first one is values-driven vision. Take us into that.
Speaker 2:Yes, what a lot of people don't realize, lee, is that they'll set a vision and the vision is something that they think they want to achieve, but it's not necessarily something that they need to achieve. And there's a real emphasis around the word need. When we set a values-driven vision, we are setting the vision in alignment with what we value, what lights us up, what excites us, and when we can work out what our values are and then set the vision in alignment with that, that's when we take off, that's when we get the energy, because we're doing things in alignment with the stuff that's important to us.
Speaker 1:And it's amazing, Shirley, especially in real estate sales and any part of the real estate industry, quite often values are placed upon people you should be doing this and you should be doing that and they go yeah, that sounds good, and they're going along with something that they never actually bought into.
Speaker 2:Exactly, and a lot of people don't realize what it is, and so we have a little process where we can help people, in about five or seven minutes, actually work out what their values are and what their purpose is, things that they love to talk about and things that they love to research. So these are the things that don't necessarily come up in work, and I'll give you an example One lady who was a business coach and she wasn't doing very well as a business coach, and when she did her values, everything was around property management, and so once she then started to have a vision in alignment with that, her business took off.
Speaker 1:It's interesting and you must see it a lot, because you're assisting people in so many different ways. And just for our listener, yes, you do this type of work and coaching, but behind the scenes of all that, at street level, you've written real estate sales procedures, property management procedures. You and I have been on many of these projects at the same time for the same reasons, so you've got an in-depth understanding of the mechanism of real estate. But that's why today, when you and I were speaking this morning after I received your email, by the way, which is another topic we'll tap into I thought this would be a really good one for our listener. Who's not feeling right? And I've set all these business goals that somebody else put in my brain, and that word I don't feel right means I'm not working to my potential, which probably taps us into the resistance removed, which is the second piece of the puzzle. Explain that to us.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we have three types of internal resistance, and the best way that I can describe this is to think of it as like an analogy, where we're in a car and we're heading down to this place called yes Town. Now, yes Town is a real place. It actually exists within our mind. It's a place where we get everything that we want, we have all of the resources we need, we have all of the energy that we need, and we go for it. But as we're heading down this road towards yes Town, these two kids get in the back of the car and their job is to stop us, and what they are is it's like our nervous system wanting to keep us safe. So the best thing that they can do to get us to stop the car, they'll do it. And so the three ways that they do that is the first one is that they'll do it, and so the three ways that they do that is the first one is that they'll start from an instinctual level to get us to stop and they will start insulting us and they'll yell out hey, you're not worthy, you're stupid, you're too old, you don't know what you're talking about. And so, as they insult us and we start to hear these things and we start to believe them, we start listening to them, and that will stop the car, and of course, that is limiting beliefs. And then the second thing that they will use is energy. So they will get us to stop the car by using our imagination to get into emotion, which will then stop us.
Speaker 2:So if you think about the things that people might want to do, they might want to go into emotion, which will then stop us. So if you think about the things that people might want to do, they might want to go prospecting, but they have this fear they can't get themselves to do it. They want to ask somebody out on a date. They can't get themselves to do it. And so what we're carrying is a lot of trapped emotion, and so we need to release that emotion. And once you do that, again the energy flows within the body and we can take off.
Speaker 2:And then the third way that they will want to stop the car is by using logic. So they're sitting in the back seat and then they're having a discussion with themselves about where we're going. Well, look, I really want to stay with this job. It pays the bills, but I hate it. But no, I'd really love to have a great job and have my own business and have the freedom. And so what happens there is, we get stuck with analysis, paralysis, and we have what we call a values conflict, and the biggest cause of unhappiness is when people can't make a decision and we get into depression. And so there's an order for us to be able to change these or to remove these resistances, and we must start with the values conflict first.
Speaker 1:So this is absolutely amazing. If your values are out of line and then this resistance is going on anyway, no wonder people walking around feeling like a nut. So it's okay to understand what you're saying here and say, oh, you know, that's me. Well, if your values were aligned and in harmony and truly, what you wanted, you know it makes you do what you do Well, then the resistance is going to be limiting. Now everyone's still going to have these self-doubts and can I do it? Can I not do it? As you said, am I too old? Am I too young? Everyone's got something.
Speaker 1:You know, I've had an opportunity to speak around the world in the last couple of months and it doesn't matter where you go, it's the same stuff. And they think it's international. It's like, yeah, it's just people. And I think socials brought a lot of that thinking together in a very bizarre way. And I'm not talking about what people post. I'm talking about the comedy on social, where these brilliant female comedians are sharing stories about how they feel. But it's actually very real that everyone in the world's seeing and feeling those things. And comedy is quite an interesting channel, because I'm just telling you this because it's funny, but it's actually real, and it's funny that it's real because we're reacting to it. So how do you, in this second quadrant here of resistance removed, what are you teaching in the skills to reset your mindset on that?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so we start with the values conflict and what we're doing is we're actually rewiring the brain here, and so we're looking at what is the desired result and then how can achieving that desired result give you more of the values that you want? And it's disappointing for a lot of people because they want the magic bullet, but the best way to rewire your brain is actually list writing, like Bart on Homer Simpson, where he's writing the lines all the way, saying it and over and over is what we're doing is to actually create new neural pathways in your brain, which will actually then help you to start taking the voluntary action. Because that's what we've got to do is we've got to actually come from the brainstem at the back up, through the midbrain and then into the frontal neocortex there, which is like your third eye, because that's the only part of the brain that actually takes the voluntary action. So we have to be able to clear that for you so that you can take it. The other two are instinctual and involuntary actions.
Speaker 1:And why does writing it down have such a connection to the brain?
Speaker 2:That's a great question because it forces you to actually think it out and write it out and there's that physical activity of it, so it causes your brain to lock it in a little bit better.
Speaker 1:Now, Shirley, I haven't studied what you're studying. That's why I'm fascinated and have you on the podcast and I'm always looking for any way that I can improve the people we serve and the progress they're looking for. And I see a lot of people locked I'm going to use that term. They feel locked because I'm not allowed to swear on this show and I wouldn't anyway. But when someone's locked, I know what I'm trying to do but I just feel stuck and yeah, I've done all that, I've done all that, but I'm still in this spot and they feel locked.
Speaker 1:And the techniques to do that for anyone who's? And depending on how you look at this, some people say they've got business goals and they've got life goals. Then I get thrown into a different podcast with Charles Tarby that says to me goals can be limiting, Meaning what if there's more there? And you've stopped too early. You think, well, there's another thought. But he brought to my attention business objectives. So my business objectives need to be aligned with my values and my vision. I really like that, because people can set a goal and they didn't reach it and they just kick themselves down versus what is your business objective? Is it in line with your values, but in this resistance removed. There's great techniques, as you're discussing here, to keep you on track, Because if you can keep on track, you've actually decoded or hacked the resistance that was coming from the back seat. There you're removing it. Would that be correct?
Speaker 2:Yes, and that brings us then to our next point, our next part in the jigsaw puzzle, and that is heart-centered habits, because what we're wanting to do is to get people into taking action as a habit.
Speaker 2:But if we just start with willpower and we force ourselves to do a new habit, we actually burn out and we run out of steam, whereas if you can make that habit a heart-centered habit, so something that lights you up and you enjoy, then you'll persist with it and you'll keep doing it. So if you think about the tennis champions, like Ash Barty, she's doing the practice because she loves it. She's doing the practice because she loves it. She's playing the game because she loves it. She's not saying oh God, is it lunchtime yet? Gee, is it knock off so I can go down the pub and have a few drinks with my mate. So we actually need to make sure that the habits that we're putting in place are things that we love and enjoy, and if we don't at first, if we can learn to enjoy the process, then it goes a lot smoother and a lot quicker for us.
Speaker 1:Now this is a very important part of this jigsaw puzzle. The professionals get up and do stuff they have to do on the days. They don't want to do it but they understand it's part of it. And I know in public speaking sometimes you're speaking three, four times a week and getting to the back part of the week. Sometimes you're speaking three, four times a week and getting to the back part of the week. There you've got some big audience. They've all paid $1,000 a seat. You don't count at that point. They do.
Speaker 1:And there's a skill in flipping that switch to say this is in line with my visions, it's what I do and they are important, not me. So the heart-centered habits is to for me, in my world, you flip the switch and as a professional, you turn up and you do that work because the person who's sold and I had kids in the course yesterday, sheryl's, 22 years of age, $1,000 a seat One guy had no job yet and you think, wow, you've just inspired me today and yet he's probably got no idea the connection he created for me yesterday in that back part of a 16-hour talk of how important that is. So these heart-centered habits, what's some of the things you've observed, or what's some of your recommendations that people can do, because I think if you get this one right, the other two start to lock in place really quick.
Speaker 2:Well, one of the ways that we can create a heart-centered habit is to get them in alignment with what we call your shadow values. And the shadow values are things that we don't typically want to admit to, but if you think about it this way, for every action that we take we actually get a feeling from that. So if you think about somebody having a cigarette for the very first time, what do they normally do? We cough, our eyes water, our nose waters, we want to vomit. It doesn't feel good. And yet why do we take a second cigarette and a third cigarette and end up chain smoking five years later? It's because of some feeling that we get, so it's not the cigarette and it's not necessarily the nicotine. It of some feeling that we get, so it's not the cigarette and it's not necessarily the nicotine. It's this feeling that we get. It could be from belonging. It could be wanting to be cool, it could be wanting to feel rebellious.
Speaker 2:And in fact, if you go back in history, the person who's known as the father of public relations, eddie Bernays, b-e-r-n-a-y-s. He was actually the nephew of Sigmund Freud and he created this thing he called engineering consent, and so what he got ladies to do in New York in Easter Sunday was in the 1920s. The cigarette companies employed him to get women to start smoking. So he got them to do a protest march and at the end of it they burnt their bras and then they all got a cigarette and lit it up and this was their torch of freedom. And so from then on, the number of women who started smoking went through the roof, because they were associating that action of smoking with this feeling of freedom.
Speaker 2:So when we're looking at our heart-centered habits and taking action, we can also take into account these shadow values that we have. And so say for you, for presenting I'm just guessing this, but again, remember, with our shadow values, oftentimes we don't want to admit it, but we've all got them. And so if we seek attention, for example, then one way that we can achieve that is by being a presenter and doing a great presentation. So your audience wins and you win because you are actually satisfying that shadow value. So that's another important thing to find for each person is like that's my on switch there.
Speaker 1:And heart-centered habits. What an interesting way of discussing expected behavior. So surely you go into coaching rooms no different to myself, you present on stage and there's expected behavior that you would do your research, you've done your rehearsals, all those things that you have to do. But it's interesting, you need drivers in that as well. And I think we all get so busy and we're working on so many things in life. And when I say busy, not just work, you've got family, you've got kids, you've got partners, there's so much going on.
Speaker 1:And then it pops up and you think, oh, I've got to have this expected behavior and I know if I'm on a project, I'll do a voice note to that project and then I'll keep listening to the voice note as I work on it to remind myself why I am doing this and what's the reason for it. Sometimes I'm in an Uber or I'm going for a walk and think I'll just listen to that one again. I think I haven't done that and then the next time I listen to it I go I have done that and it's a great way of enforcing habits because unfortunately, a lot of business situations and I'll use it, not live lots of people have the jargon but not the behavior, and that's a very important part of this jigsaw as I look at it. And the last part of the puzzle here is support for success. Take us into that.
Speaker 2:Yes, if you have a look at all the successful people, lee, nobody makes it alone.
Speaker 2:There's always a team of people supporting us, and that could be your partner.
Speaker 2:I know I couldn't do what I do without Ross and we talked earlier about the support that you get from Robin as well and also in terms of having either a mentor or a coach, somebody who is there, who has your best interest and is helping you to identify what it is you want.
Speaker 2:And then this magic word called accountability and I have another word that means accountability and that is proof. So when we say to somebody, I'm going to hold myself accountable or I want you to hold me accountable, what we're really doing then is giving the proof or the evidence to say here it is, I've done it, and for a lot of us, we need an external person to be able to report to, because there's not too many people who will hold themselves accountable without that, and also if you don't have the support for success, you might get halfway through your project and get stuck, and you need to ask somebody a question and there's nobody to ask, or you just might get halfway through it and give up or not go any further. So it's a very important part of being able to reset your mindset is to have that support for success.
Speaker 1:Yeah, shirley, I was sharing with you. I was on a video interview and this topic came up and I didn't mean to do it. But I went into this topic of not everyone's allowed to be successful and the presenter was like what do you mean? I said, well, I meet some incredible people that have got all the skills, they've got the energy, the intention, but their partner hates that they sell real estate and they take a phone call at night and they feel, oh geez, I hope they don't see me taking the phone call.
Speaker 1:Now, that's very hard to be successful when there's restrictions. And you just mentioned Robin before. There's no coincidence, shirley, that I'm married to an events manager and that person books me all over the place and flights and all that sort of stuff. Because there's an understanding then of on a Sunday night, I'll say to Rob so take me into this week, you're here, you're there, wow. But I'm the only one of the rare people that doesn't get asked from their partner when will you be home, because she booked it and knows before I do what's going to happen.
Speaker 1:But I am able to do what I do because I live a life with no restrictions. I do my work unrestricted and supported, and I think that's a really interesting part of this puzzle and there's a lot of people listening to this right now who, actually most people listening to this right now know there's friction or conflict there and working through that is important. But you've got to be available to be successful. If it's now, and life's about timing, as you know, and I've had some beautiful single mothers come to me at Complete Salesperson course and they're all excited to do it and I've said, maybe take a leverage role right now To do the lead role could be later. And I've had ladies come back to the course five, six, seven years later and go. I'm now the lead agent, the kids are all at school and life's about timing and this support for success. Well, actually, this whole jigsaw is so good Values-driven vision, resistance removed, heart-centered habits and then support for success. Geez, imagine getting that right, shirley. That's the ultimate goal, isn't it?
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, that's when you get to yes town.
Speaker 1:Yeah, very much. So. Now, Shelley, you're doing workshops on this. Just share that with us, because these people I've been chatting to did it via Zoom. Some people have done live what's available on this topic.
Speaker 2:Yeah well, we can do it one of two ways. We can do it as a two-day workshop, and that can either be in person or on Zoom, and we go through all of these techniques and processes to actually help you find your values-driven vision and to remove the resistance and then to create these habits for you and then to give you the support that you need as you're going through it. Or it can be done as an eight-week individual coaching program where each week we'll go through each of those processes so it each builds on each other and you come in with a particular goal that you want or a result that you want to achieve, and sometimes, when we set the values, you find that actually that changes. But we get very clear on that and then we work on removing all of the resistance towards whatever is holding you back.
Speaker 1:Well, shirley, that link is in our show notes so people can click on that. It'll take them to your site with all the opportunities that are available as people are listening to this actually into the future as well. But great little piece of work and really well explained, and you're such a good preparation person that way. Actually, shirley, I'm going to bring that up as my final point. You sent me an email this morning which is part of your communications plan and I read it and, shirley, I'm going to bring that up as my final point. You sent me an email this morning which was part of your communications plan and I read it and thought I'm going to ring you today and it was talking about. Actually, I'm going to let you share what you shared in your thoughts email today.
Speaker 2:Yes, well, first up, lee, I made a confession and the name of the email is called. How you practice is how you perform and up until recently I've not been a person who would practice too much, and I can tell you that's cost me dearly over the years. But as I've now understood how the brain works and how we create these neural pathways by doing the doing, then how you practice equals how you perform, because you're getting that into your cellular memory. So if you're practicing a into your cellular memory, so if you're practicing a presentation and in the middle of it you stop and think, oh no, I've got to get another slide, and you put that in. Or, oh, hang on, I didn't say that, right. Well then the odds are that when you actually go to perform, that's what you'll do. So we want to practice and do small time sections of what it is that we're practicing, but do a complete circle of it and then expand it, and then expand it. It certainly turned me around, I must say.
Speaker 1:And I loved your example that it's like going into the jungle and you're creating a path and the further you get back you can retrace your tracks and then you can take the track further. But you're building your own pathway or your own track, and the future does belong to the prepared and rehearsing. A lot of people just think everything's going to go right. I know myself I've got to do so many tests and sound checks or learning new equipment or whatever it is, and I never just think it's going to work. I do the testing or the rehearsals before going live because I've been affected by it not going right many, many times.
Speaker 1:So another great heart-centered habit is to expect I'm going to rehearse this to remove the resistance and align with my values. So when the support team kicks in, they can say well, did you do the rehearsals? Yes, I did versus no, I didn't. Well, what do you expect? So an absolutely great and different interview, shirley. I absolutely love your work. We look forward to having you on the program again and thank you for joining us on. We Are Selling.
Speaker 2:Thanks, Lee.