Unpacking Narcissism in Real Life

We’re continuing the conversation from our hiatus — but this time, we’re going deeper.

In this episode, we talk about narcissism — not from a textbook, but from lived experience. We unpack the signs we didn’t recognize at the time, the patterns that kept us stuck, and how manipulation can look like love when you don’t know what you’re looking at.

From charm to control, confusion to clarity — we share what we went through, what we’ve learned, and what we want other women to recognize sooner.

Because sometimes the hardest truth to accept is this:
it wasn’t love… it was something else.

Show Notes

In This Episode, We Talk About:

•  Continuing life updates from our hiatus 
•  What narcissism looked like in our relationships 
•  Early red flags we didn’t recognize 
•  Love bombing, control, and emotional manipulation 
•  Why it’s hard to leave (and even harder to stay gone) 
•  The emotional impact of narcissistic dynamics 

Real Talk Reminder:

Not everything that feels intense is love.
Not everything that hurts is meant to teach you to stay.

Sometimes clarity comes after the chaos — and that’s okay.

Work With Tamara (Coach Tam)

If this episode hit home and you’re ready to stop second-guessing yourself and start healing forward: https://linktr.ee/thecoachtam

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

What up, what up? What's up? Welcome to Talk Out Loud. Sorry, but Martin is always going to be a classic. Leaf me be. Um, welcome to Talk Out Loud, folks, with the Fisher Girls. What's up? Oh my god, I just hear this singing in my voice like I do with my child. See? What do you think they get? Mom, 100%. 100%. Just skip on right over us. Yeah, I can hear when little girl sneezes, and it's never just like a sneeze. It's always like, I'm like, oh, definitely. Yes. Well, I guess we're gonna have to continue with the face here, even though I'm just not not used to it. I'm not ready for it. Lash is still not done. Hair is clearly not done. I'm here we are. I moved locations. Well, so did I. It's too dark. And before anybody says anything, it matches the decor of my heels. It is brown, velvet brown, actually. And my house is boho. So the oranges, the green step rounds. And Christmas is every day. Insurance. My kitchen says uh Christmas cheer begins here. You will enter here with Christmas beginning. Alright, what are we drinking? We oh, same thing for me. Um well, no, not the same thing. I'm doing repostato. Oh, and it's not hot. I turned on the ice maker. I'm so proud of me. Um I couldn't do it today. It's repostato, the dragon fruit syrup, and lime juice. Village. It's very nice. It's very nice. My cute little cut. Um it's always red wine for me. So clink, clink. Clink, clink. Yes. Well, we got abruptly cut off yesterday because my child walked in the door. So I really don't, I didn't even listen to it yet. I don't know how that ended. I'm sure it was chaotic. Um real life. We're on a part two. Oh, definitely real life over here. Um, the shenanigans started early today. Early today. Let me check my messages. Um, I woke up this morning. My daughter sent me messages from her father. Rind you, the whole school incident. If you did not listen to the last episode, please catch up. Um that was that even last week? I feel like it was the week before last. I don't know. I don't even remember. It's been a minute since that whole incident, but I guess he is still texting about it. Whatever. So she sends them to me. I'm like literally getting ready this morning, reading it, and I just they just get worse and worse and worse. It starts with, I love you. Like, you need to spend time with me because I don't feel the love. This is her dad talking to her. And I'm like, What? She's like, I do love you, but I don't like the way you were talking to me over that situation. Good for her, out of her. It's like, well, I came to get you two times because I miss you. Mind you, we've been divorced seven years. Two times. At her school when she said, No, I don't want to go. And that's supposed to mean something. It goes on to say, like, she's saying my grades are important, I needed to be at school. There's no kind of way to I'm your daughter. That's no kind of way to talk to me. Yada, yada, yada. And she's like, that still doesn't give me the right to talk to me like that. Um, and so he he transitions off into like what he's gonna take away, because that's what narcissists do. I'm not really winning this argument, so let me like do something that's gonna make you as mad as I am. Um so he's like, Well, I'm not gonna send you any money anymore. Like, don't ask me for anything. He sends her a screenshot of what he's given to her in cash app, like over inception, probably. I mean, it's not a lot, like I've still done more, whatever. He's like, I do this and child support, and y'all don't come see me or do anything for me. I'm just like, I at what point do they stop and realize, like, who's the parent? She's supposed to come to you? Why? Because you decided not to get a car on purpose so you didn't have to be responsible for anything. I don't know. You're okay with your lackluster life, and so she's 14. Like you or the well, supposed to be the adult here. Um, she was like, huh, it's not making sense. He's like, read it, it makes sense. It doesn't. She's like, Are you sending me money? Like, why are we talking about cash app? He's like, I'm saying never cash at me again. She's like, Why? He's like, Because I made two trips to the school. No trips to her games, mind you. He'll do one a year. Maybe. Um, you've never picked them up, you don't get them. Like, we have joint custody guys. I I I don't know how many times I say this. Like, and they want a parade in a show for the one thing they do. It's ridiculous. I want all this praise and enamor and all of these things because I did something I was supposed to do. Get the switch. She's like, I have sea time because she's reversing, you know, days of school. And he's like, You could have came with me. Literally tells her F school with the words, says F school, and then he's like, Y'all don't want to be with me. It's fine. I'm saying I'm not sending money anymore. Um, he's like, Y'all not my kids. He said, like, y'all not my kids, man. Y'all do y'all. Ben tells her he needs to take a test because he's not dark, and she is. The rage inside when I at 7 a.m. this morning. He's like, I should have done, I should have done that when you were born. Y'all not mine. I believe I'm not your dad. Talk to your mom, I'm not dark. She said, Wow. So he said, Whose kids are we? She said, Whatever you say. He said, like I said, I'm not dark and your brother's not also. Talk to your mom. Keep saying talk to me. And like the okay, so the girlfriend he had at the time, the longest one he's had, let's just say that. She had a she was like 28. Mind you, he's like 44, 43. Um, she had a like a toddler. So he's comparing the toddler crying for him and saying that the toddler's crying for him, and saying, like, that's how Tatum should have been towards him. Oh, sweetie. Please get help, guys. Please don't tissue. Not your 14-year-old child. And she said, You are delusional. He said, Okay, you have your mom. Bye. She said, Hi. He said, I don't need none of y'all because y'all haven't been here for me and never asked y'all for shit. And never give me B Day or Father Day shit. She said, Hi. Again, the undiagnosed ADD. The cat just came to the window. Anyway, and stopped. Um, she said, Have I been with you on your B Day or Father's Day? He says, No, you haven't. She said, Exactly. So, how am I gonna give you how am I gonna give you stuff? And he said, Cash up just like I send you. He was like, I send you. Oh, but the only way I can give you something is give you money, give you a grown adult, give you money. Why is she having one anything to you? And he's like, Father's Day, my birthday, I don't get nothing from y'all. That was the that's the all she sent me. I don't know. I was like, You you do know that you don't have to like keep responding. You're absolutely free to block, do what serves you. I said, but I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself, but you do not have to keep responding. This was the psychological abuse that I've that I referred to. Like it's so much harder to get over when someone is constantly trying to bamboozle you into this false sense of reality when you know that's not what happened. Right. The gaslighting. It's wild to me. Braylon, my oldest, he got he lost his card. He lost a card, he got it mailed back to me, and I just he was like, Let me know when it comes in. So it came in. I texted it to him. I thought he just needed the number because that's what he said. But he's like, Can you mail it to me? I'm in the middle of like, I'm just getting home. I'm trying to cook for mom and dad. Um, and like hurry up before Landon leaves so I can talk to him before he goes to the game. So I'm just I actually am busy, but it's like I texted him and then he wants to face fun. And then he calls back to back to back. And I'm just like, I like I can't talk right now, honey. Like, what's up? He sends a text and he's just like, um, can you, you know, can you send it through the mail or whatever? I was like, no, like not right now. Like, I can't stop what I'm doing. He's like, well, I'll just get the money, you know, from someone else. He's like, I'll just get he's like, well, how much is it or whatever to send it through the mail or the stamp or whatever? I'll just get someone who cares enough about me. Oh, sweetie. Again, because I don't stop what I'm doing for something you just you lost it. You lost that. You slept outside for six days and met you didn't manage to get any clothes. She took your phone, apparently. She put she took everything from you. You had nothing, but you managed to get to get that card and keep it while you were outside for six days. And as soon as you come here, you don't go anywhere. You have a room, a home, and you lose the card. Now I'm supposed to immediately stop what I'm doing and go like fix it for you because you don't get to eat after five. I was like, don't they feed y'all there? He was like, speaking on something you don't know about. I literally asked the question. You're still angry. You're still so upset. And then he's like, I'll show find someone that cares enough about me to give me the money, and then just put it in the mail. It's just it's wild to me, like again, how you're speaking to me, and you still had the sense of entitlement of like, do for me, do for me now, exactly the way I tell you, and I'm still gonna talk to you like absolute garbage. Where would you that day? And then later on, he was just like, you know, what did he say? Oh, I was re I had I had time because I'm off work, I had time to talk to him about credit karma, and I was trying to explain just in very quickly, like, hey, your credit score has nothing to do with accounting, my degree, or numbers. So, no, me having a degree and and what I do daily has nothing to do with credit karma or your credit score that is non-existent because you have no credit, because you have not had a freaking job. Yes, but these people used his information to cut okay. And that's that's what his dad claimed his mom did and ruined his credit, which is why everything was in mining when we got married. So I I mean he very well could have something on his credit. Who knows? Download it and like do your research and don't add credit without a job to pay it back. And that's all that's all I was trying to say. I was like, but you might have to learn this one the hard way too, because you don't really listen to anyone. Um he was like, well, I already had somebody talk to talk to me about that. That's not in her feelings every day. I say, okay. Have a good day. That's it. Like, I'm not gonna go back and forth with you. Good day. Good day. I'm just remembering. You got it. What feelings am I in? Because I don't want to accept your disrespect. It's amazing. It seems great over here. And then uh, why sent it to you? The my uh my boss's friend came to work yesterday and met everybody, and she sent my boss the text after it was like, it was nice to meet everybody. She's like, but oh my god, Tamara, zen to the max. And I was like, oh my god, thank you. I needed to hear that. Send me the can you send me that text? Like, I just need to read that sometimes. Like, and people do say that here and there, they're just like, oh, everybody remembers you. Like when I go to networking meetings, even if I don't actually like collab with somebody or they're not my audience, everyone still like remembers who I am and they remember my energy. Oh, she's so peaceful, and she just represents calm, and you're such a great listener. And I'm like, thank you. Because I've had men tell me that I look angry or um like like I'm just carrying all this weight on me. I was like, probably, I probably am, but I also don't walk in the room like, hey everybody, that's just not my personality. And like the only times they all saw me were like my kids' basketball games where I'm at alone and I'm there all freaking day, or dragging my daughter along with us, and she's asking me for 55 snacks. Um, and then there's like two-hour gaps in between the next game, and I'm already an hour away. Like, I'm sorry that I didn't wake, like, walk in here with joy. I'm still excited, you know, to see my kid play. But it's like, I don't know, they're just like, oh yeah, you're carrying all this pain and it's written all over your face. Really? So it is it's extra nice to hear people say, like, oh my god. And I talked to her for like five seconds. I had her dog, she had her dog over her house burned down. Um, and she was already like, oh my god, then for the next like, she needs to have a podcast, she can read the ingredients on a bag of chips. And I was like, oh, the podcast is so sweet. So I just like it's nice to hear people say things, even though sometimes you don't believe it. But if they only knew how much negative shit I hear from like family members, you know, it's crazy. They just really don't know like what you go through day-to-day. Yeah, no, they don't. Well, I will say that you have mastered that skill. Um, because and I know everybody doesn't know, I don't know if anybody will ever know the entire story, but kind of we know what knowing what little I know of your story, I would be enraged 99.9% of the time. I mean, I have road rage, but that's really about it. I I don't want to talk about it, it's no need. I just need for people to act like they have somewhere to go. And if you don't have anywhere to go, that's okay. Just move to the right or walk. Girl. No. Anyhoos, her. I just I don't know how to explain it. I I think I think and get for me, I'll say just in my therapy sessions, when I realized it wasn't about me and I can't fix it, it changes like your whole outlook on the conversations that you have with them and that you choose to engage in with them because all they're wanting to do is spin your fucking wheels. It's like win. I want to win the conversation and I will trip you up so that way you either need me for something or I feel conquered or feel like the conqueror. Yeah, but you're right, you gave me that, and that has stuck with me for the past god, like eight or nine months. I've used that in Becky, you can't fix it. Becky, you can't fix it, Becky, you can't fix it. He's unwell. He's unwell. I used to say that about your dad all the time. He's not well. He's not well, it has nothing to do with me. You're not gonna rope me into this delusional conversation. You're not gonna gaslight me into thinking that your problem is now magically mine. And like the deflection, I like, ooh, no, you can't catch me. You can't catch me on any type of deflection because you will answer my question, or we will not be having the conversation. I don't need to have it. I was just trying to help you. I was trying to give you a different perspective or tell you what's really happening, or calm, you know, try to calm you down. But as soon as you start the deflection and the attack, I'm good. You can figure that out on your own, but I don't, it's not gonna be with me. And and and you have to watch what you say to them. Point in case with um her dad. You know, when she's saying, I care about my grades, well, because she said she was already out on Monday that week, he was like, Well, you were out on Monday, so you can be we didn't give you this information for you to throw it in our face because it's irrelevant, truly, you know, and even with with my oldest, I said something like you're already talking about asking someone to to send the to like mail off something that you lost, like this was your mistake, and now you're like you have to go to everybody else to fix it for you, and then you still don't realize the relationships that you're breaking here. And I'm like, Aren't you tired of asking people for stuff? Like, you're gonna get paid. Why don't you just wait? Like, just wait on that. And he's like, Well, you know, because he knows about the phone bill situation. Well, you know, you have help. And it's like, I didn't ask though. I actually work, my job right now just happens to be lower paying than the one I've had when I've got in this house. That doesn't mean I'm not you've never paid a bill, you're not taking care of your kids. You can't stop trying to compare yourself to me. Like, please stop. You'll never be at my level. But I feel like that is one of the underlying things from narcissists is that even though they are, you know, sick, they want to be the person that they target. And so, yeah, they like, you know, they take on that person's story as theirs. They, you know, want to emulate and you know, get frustrated when things and people don't respond the same way. It's like because you're not me. No, you're just not me. And I mean, I'm look, I'm getting tender on because I just left a narcissistic relationship and hindsight is always 2020, but red flags were there the entire time, and I just didn't see them because I wanted to fix it, you know, it's gonna be fine. But the gaslighting and the the you my issue is you say one thing, and then when you realize that it's wrong, you then magically say, Well, I never said that. It's like, I'm sorry. What like you and I both know what you said at the end. And then, you know, my emotions get in it, and I'm just like, this is insane, and now I'm having to do triple the work and documenting things because it's like I'm not insane, but for whatever reason they're charismatic and people want to be around them, and so they just attract a certain type of people, and you know, uh yeah, and they get people to believe a story that's actually not true. No, it is not based in anything but lies in their mind, because in their mind they're up here because that's where they want to be, but they believe it, just like when they're projecting things that they're doing onto the other person and saying it's you doing it. It's like, oh, you're in your feelings. I'm I'm clearly fine, I'm in peace over here. You're in your feelings still, but like I'm I can't keep pointing out things so you can have the time, and that's that's another key factor when they're like, Well, what did I do? Well, what did I say? Don't fall through that trap. They're waiting for you to get it. How did they say that? Stop worrying about the messenger and worry about the message. They're never going to admit to what they've done because they they can't be accountable. So then that's just a stall tactic for them to be like, Well, tell me what I said so I can say it wasn't that. Right. I never said that. I'm like, uh, yeah, you did. I'm not gonna give you that satisfaction. Like, you know it. If you don't know what you do, then I don't either. And we're we're good. But it's like once you stop caring and once you don't argue back, they're even more enraged. Like, I remember my husband, like, if the second I tried to like stop arguing back, oh, he would like follow me around to ventured an argument. Girl, please go somewhere because they are looking for a reaction, they want the reaction, you feel the same way they feel. No, there's yeah, I've been doing that too. It was, well, you're what's wrong with you? Nothing. Well, you're not, you don't girl. I haven't said anything. See, you're projecting onto me what you think I should. What? Because I'm not doing this the entire conversation. That means that I'm not paying attention or I'm not understanding, or I didn't hear you. No, it just means that I'm not gonna shake my head like a bobblehead while you're talking nonsense. I'm gonna sit here, I'm gonna let you finish, and when you're done, I'm gonna get up and leave. And you're not gonna get the reaction out of me that you want. And yeah, follow me around, or oh, I'm gonna ask so-and-so, have you spoken to Becca? And what did she say? And how did she say, sir? You'll never be speaking of you at all. Oh, I'm sure you're saying this. I haven't mentioned your name. You are not that important to me, but clearly I am that important to you. Because you're wrong. You at some point you have to know that you're wrong. But it's but you're just never gonna get that out of them. Like, my oldest would act like he was so proud that someone would hang up the phone because he thinks that he won the argument because he was he said something so good and they couldn't respond. No, we're tired of talking to you, dude. You're not listening. No, why would I waste my breath going around and around in circles? I don't I don't know. I really don't know where it went wrong. I honestly feel like I attract narcissists. And I didn't recognize that until they do tend to find certain people, but then once they can't like manipulate, they go to someone else who couldn't really just a lie. And then it's like, okay, once that person catches on, then I have to go to someone else. It's like people don't really respect you the way that you think they do, they just don't want anything to do with you.

unknown 22:33

Right.

SPEAKER_00 22:34

They're very surface. And that's how you want it because nobody really knows the real you because you don't know the real you. And there it is. And you've been trying to portray this person the whole time, especially my ex-tusman. Like his group of friends, child, he don't know what he likes, what he don't like. He just go with whatever they're doing. But don't say he was a follower. But give me an original thought. You ain't got one. Okay. I mean, we have nothing in common with these people. Like whatever. But could you imagine all narcissists hanging together? He would keep me away for so long. And then I remember as soon as I would come out in the friend group, you know, when I got tired of raising the kids by myself. And I just remember one of his uh one of his friends' wives was like, Oh my god, where have you been? She's like, We love you. And I was like, I was just then at home with my kids. Like half the stuff he doesn't even tell me is going on because probably he didn't want me to go. But then he would make it seem like no one liked me. Which right. Or I'm this, or he would say, like, I was a follower. Sweetie, I haven't followed anyone in since Livingstone. Like, I would I've never been a follower. I was very, I'm very okay with that. Like when people even as an adult, when people be like, oh, let's do the shirts, cringe. I don't want to dress like you. I don't want to be in the same shirt now of the same color. Okay, I can be original and wear my own thing, the color's the same. But like, let's all get the matching shirts.

unknown 24:05

Ugh!

SPEAKER_00 24:05

Vomit. That is of no interest to me. Not at all. I did it once and I was just like, this is it. Wasn't bad because we still had our own like saying on it and we took a picture and whatever. I get it. I get it. I get the aesthetic. But a follower girl, please. Yeah. That's why people didn't. If they didn't like me, it's because I didn't do what they said. So try again. And I'm not a dog that you just teach tricks to and say, come here. And then I just bounce over to you and be like, Yes, what do I do? Like a freaking slave. I'm not doing that. Yeah. Anymore. Sorry. I mean, I'm I'm bolder now because I'm out of the situation and I feel like I can breathe again. But for the last year and some change, I could not breathe. I was smothered. And very similar. It was come out with me and my friends. My friends just love you so much. Every time I'd walk in, because I'm an introvert, and I'm like, oh, here I go after people any. But you know, they were really nice. We connected. And then all of a sudden the invitation stopped. And I was like, huh, imagine that. You're mad because they like to hang out with me. Yep. And you don't want the attention to be off of you. And so therefore, now I'm not invited. And like you said, and and it's me. You know, you, Becca, you've changed. And I I had to make these boundaries, and you've changed. Nice. Revision is history. That's not what happened. Verbal abuse, and I don't know if I said this in the last post, but I will say it again. Physical abuse is the last of the train, folks. It starts with emotional and psychological. That's where they start. Then they move to the verbal, then they move to the physical. So you can't dismiss. Okay, so I have been on this train before, so I'll take my ownership here. You know, there's plenty of times where I've come across someone who has been in a DV situation, and I'm just like, you know, the enrage in me is like, just leave. And it's like the people are looking at me like, if it was that easy, why would I be sitting up here talking to you right now? It's not that easy because the physical part came afterwards. It's the verbal and the psychological and the emotional abuse that happened way before then. That's really honestly, I mean, I don't want to say it's worse because it's all bad, but that part is what keeps you stuck in that cycle of, okay, well, it's better now. I get to breathe, it's relieve, I'm getting love bombs and smothered with kisses. Then all of a sudden I don't do what they want. And now I'm back in this cycle again. And now I'm I've got a target on my back. And, you know, just like all of these things. But yeah. So 100%. They they take on your story as theirs. They um believe that they are omnipotent. They are the smartest people in the room. So not the people that are, you know, experts in that field, but you know, all of a sudden now you're a nurse, you're a therapist, you're uh, you know, maintenance guy. You you you now are all these things because you believe that you're the smartest person in the room when in fact you're the dumbest person in the room. Because you don't know how to utilize the team and the people that you were given in your life that have a skill. Utilize people who have a skill set to help you get where you need to go. That ain't it. No, it is insane in the membrane. Wait, that's 100% a song. Insane in the membrane.

unknown 28:03

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 28:03

Anywho, yep. So agreed, narcissist. We could go on for years about this because I swear to you, there I have encountered so many, and I did not know that that's what I was encountering. I just thought, well, that was weird. Or why am I being targeted? And and what's going on? Only to be like, oh my god, that's what it is. That's exactly what it is. But very similar to I think we were talking about earlier, it's like you catch on quicker. Like the more you encounter something, it's like, oh, nope, no, nope. I saw that red flag. And I know you like to call it sharp. I'm gonna call it sharp too. I'll just be a little bit sharper. Uh-uh. Nope. I saw that red flag. I'm not going back to it. Y'all have a good day. But I'm I'm gonna be over here where my peace and my sanity lies. Thank you, and have a good day. Absolutely crazy. It was definitely easier. I I remember telling my girlfriend about that once she got divorced. I said, now your friends that are still in their struggle but some marriage, they're gonna get on your nerves now because you've cut out of yours. Yeah. She's like, Oh my god, did I get on your nerves? I was like, No, sweetie. Yes, please. It's like it's fine. We have you. It's fine. I love you. I mean, eventually you finally did leave, thank god. But like your friends may do the same thing to you and you may be annoyed per sec, but they're not, they're not where you are. But Noah's so much easier to be like, he did what, girl? Move on. I think everybody should have like a you friend. And I have a friend that I've made here. I won't say her name because I'm sure she's listening right now. But if it wasn't for the two of you, I don't think I would have been able to make it out of my work relationship with my sanity because I thought I was going insane, and you do honestly need someone to do the self-talk for you because when you're in it, I don't have the self-talk. I'm just like and it's like, you can't fix him. It this isn't about you. And you know, those little those like little snippets or those little like nuggets that you give. I'm like, that's right, I can't fix it. This isn't about me. I can't fix it, it's not about me. But you need someone who's going to be your cheerleader when you're walking through that because, well, you know how it is. Like you you can't walk alone. Like, I need people to walk with me because you've experienced things that I haven't. And your insight helps me see things that I didn't see before. And I'm like, got it. And so now I wish a narcissist would walk by my face. Nope, nope, nope, nope. In fact, I'm gonna start asking, um, what kind of questions should I ask a narcissist to bring out the fact that they're a narcissist? You so when I had researched the ODD, the oppositional divine dysphoria, it's I've just kind of worked off of that. Whereas you realize that they just want to be in control for whatever reason or whatever got them to this point, I don't know. But they want the biggest, the best, the most. Like everything has to be their choice almost. So it's the way you have to word things. If you want them to do something, which I mean, he was a teenager, you would think I could just tell you what to do. No, he had like he it had to be his decision to like cut off the game and go to sleep. And and at some point I just was like, you know what? Stay up as long as you want. I don't freaking care. You get up and you miss the bus, I'm not taking you. And that's that's how I protect myself because you didn't listen. But it would be like even in the morning, I like the alarm is waking literally everyone else up in the house but him. And he is the only one in high school at the time, so it was like, you're the only one that needs to be up at this at this time. Right, right. Um, I would just come and be like, hey, your your alarm's going off, honey. It's time to get up. I wake myself up. I'm gonna go back to bed. It's like I'm leaving it. I'm leaving it. Because you know, most parents of us, um, they want they're not gonna tolerate all this disrespect. But hey, I'm not gonna sit here and beat my child and yell and make my blood pressure go up, and you still have a bad attitude. There's something in you that needs to be fixed, and all I can do is protect myself. You want to miss the bus? Cool. And one day, I I I meant what I said. You missed the bus, I'm not taking you. And he walked. That's cool. Lesson learned. You can call and find a man. I really don't freaking care. What I'm gonna do is tell you what time I need to get up, which you should already know. Since you know it's your first year of high school. Um, and if you don't want to go to bed, cool. You gotta get up. If you want no sleep and you do poorly in school, I've already I I I don't always I love saying this. I already have my degree. I already graduated high school. Like this is your life. Do you want to F it up? Do you want to, you know, figure out if you want to eat ramen today? Which they love. I mean, it's not really a punishment, honestly, because they love ramen. But you're gonna have to decide do you want the new, you know, PlayStation 12 at that time? Who knows? Or, you know, should you probably get like, I don't know, a couch? You know, can you pay your rent? I'm just like, these things are going to hit you in the face. I'm just trying to guide you. That's it. Like, if you if you were able to come out of me and go and be on your own, that's how it would have happened. But there's a reason you're but supposed to be here with me until 18. At least you might want to take some nuggets. You just might because I was like, You are you gonna be 30 and call me for every little thing? No, you're still gonna call me. But is it gonna be basic things that I could have taught you here, but you didn't want to listen? Is my thing. I'm just trying to set you up for self-sufficiency. Yes, yes, exactly. Which is, I mean, that's literally how I work as well. Like, I'm trying to set people up for success to where if I step away, you can still do what you need to do because it's written down somewhere, or you've heard me say it, or there you know where to go find it. Like everybody has not promised to be here. And I mean, I've just been on my own so long and had to depend on me for so long. Yes, I'm going to raise my children that exact same day. And there it is, folks. The lesson of today is do your research, do not walk alone, and when you see the red flag, be sharp and address it. Next episode, we're going to be talking about respect versus fear, and this is for our people who are now in their 40s and 50s and they're around their parents. I want to know hey, do you respect your parents or do you fear your parents to tune in to talk out loud?