Everybody's Got Something

In this episode, we're all over the place—in the best way.

We kick things off by talking about our favorite movies, the ones we can watch over and over, and the ones that are just too hard to revisit. From there, the conversation naturally turns to raising adult children, how those relationships change over time, and why parenting doesn't necessarily get easier—it just gets different.

Tamara shares what she's preparing for as senior year approaches, while we reflect on how differently we were raised as teenagers compared to our own kids today. And one thing we've learned? If you have multiple kids, they somehow have an unspoken agreement to take turns keeping you on your toes.

It's a little nostalgia, a little parenting, a lot of laughter, and another honest conversation... talked out loud.

Transcript

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SPEAKER_03 0:00

I mix it fun. Greetings and salutations. Good people. Skittles and rainbows. That's a good one. Welcome to Talk Out Loud with Tam and Beck. Let us start with what we are drinking today. Me? Okay. And my little cozy cup because I don't really I'm a Christmas girl and not really fall, but this was too cute. And it's supposed to be for tea, but whatever. Um I'm outside of my yeti. But it's okay. This is just a nieeho tequila and elder flower liqueur. And it's perfect. That's it.

SPEAKER_02 0:39

No lemonole lime. No lemonole lime. It's fantastic. Just, you know, until my heart said so.

SPEAKER_03 0:49

That's how it should be. Until the ancestors say. Mm-hmm. Well, I actually just reached out to the person who gave me this cup to remind her how much I love this cup and that I drink out of it probably once a week. Um, inside of this cup this week, no, it is not wine, folks. It is strawberry lemon drop. And it is delish. Thank you to whatever social media I got this off of because it's some kind of batch situation. Anyways, it works. Cheers. Clank clank. Wait, what does your cup say? Established 113, my birthday. And my initials. Love, love, love. Thanks, Jasmine. Um, what was I gonna say? So that's vodka then. Uh yeah. Okay, we could be sisters, but that doesn't mean we have to like the same things. But you know, in celebration six, I had a strawberry lemon job with tequila. And it is delicious because I've also made it. And then I decided to switch it to vodka because that suits my spirit. It is well.

SPEAKER_01 1:58

It is well with myself.

SPEAKER_03 2:00

With my okay, so I thought we should start off by talking about what just happened what five days ago? Someone had a birthday celebration. Oh, I'm I'm like, what happened five days ago? So half the family is born in July, which don't make no sense, but only like five of us. Well T is, you know, married in. Um, who else? Daddy, Yolander, Justin. I said that, Jay. Yep. Okay, whatever. Yeah, so I decided on the last minute to do a Christmas in July theme. Um, I mean, should I announce that I have a bow? I don't really want to like scare people because I was definitely bitter betty. Anyway, he convinced me to go ahead and throw the party. And so I like 24 hours had the flyer made, well, limitation made, the details I did, a charcuterie. I did, I was gonna have like a hot cocoa bar, but I'm I'm gonna save that for a real Christmas party because it is hot. Um, it's probably still gonna be hot in Christmas, let's be fair, it's Texas. But I I did like instead of gifts, like bring a black ornament because I'm doing like a new tree, which is gonna be like is it flopped? It's like the white stuff. Yeah. I'm gonna do a flock tree. It's more of a skinnier tree, but it's still six foot. It's going in like the instep of my staircase. And so I just wanted like slick black ornaments. Um, and everybody pretty much brought that or or some form of alcohol and grateful. Um, so it wasn't like this, oh my god, what do you want? Just a black ornament. It was great, it was really great. And even like they know that I don't like flowers. Some people even got me like the Pampas grass that I like. It's just it was so much fun. Uh oh, it was Christmas pajama theme. Mm-hmm. Pajama, um, which most people also dressed up as like men came too. Like it was it was nice to just like have people in my house again. Like I've done the brunches with my girlfriends, but it was nice to have like both parties and we played games, like it was just it was so much fun. Um, I had margarita cupcakes. Oh, yeah, saw that. This uh this girl in my networking group, Billy and Borde. She even did like the Beriches and a Christmas tree. Love that. Like it was little things, but it was it was so good. It was so much fun. Um, and then like Nupo met all of my friends, like kind of all at once. And he was like, I'm so glad I got to meet your friends. I was like, Me too, because one on one, I don't know when you would have ever seen them. Because I I do not go anywhere. So it's it's been interesting, but it was it was a great birthday, 42. I went to work and they were like, 21? How's it feel to be 21 again? I was like, times two. Um literally, but I mean you just don't feel you don't feel it. Like after, I mean, for me, after 40, I don't know. Just like whoop-y-do. Like, not that I'm sad, it's just like okay. For another year, absolutely, yeah. It's not like a it's not like oh, oh my god, I'm turning 30. Like, because then you really feel like, yeah, mentally that kind of messed with me. I'm like, oh my god, I'm 30. I think I was the youngest. It was like, oh, I'm getting old. Girl, 30 is not old. It feels like it when everybody's already there. I don't know, but 40, I just feel like oh okay, we're all in the same. I don't know. That would it's the it's what you have to hit. Like 35 was a thing for me because it was like, oh my god, I'm in the 35 to 44 group. Oh, I do hate that. See? Why why do you put me in a group? I don't like it. Because next year I'll be out of my 35 to 45 year. See? And then well, I think that was a good year for me though, because I got divorced.

SPEAKER_02 6:11

Oh, thanks for that.

SPEAKER_03 6:12

Uh-huh. Yep.

SPEAKER_02 6:13

Um yeah, it wasn't super sad, so well, do you remember what you did last year for your birthday? 2025. 2025. 2025. I was single.

SPEAKER_03 6:31

I know we were in Ken Cabo. Yes. We surprised um our oldest sister turned 60, and you and I surprised her in Cabo. But I don't think I did anything myself for my birthday. So then this birthday means something. I think we should always celebrate, you know, another trip around the sun kind of situation. Um, parties are a lot of work. So I'm I'm not for I mean, destination, absolutely, but yeah. Um, but you're able to pull that off. I mean, I only saw the photos and I was just like, oh my god, this looks like so much fun. The theme, everybody was in pajamas, and it was I don't know, it seemed like it was a good time. I'm sad I missed it, but I'm happy that we played um Lyrically Correct. I played it before, but like with my Caucasian friends and no shade, but they didn't know a lot of, I think it's it's like RB and hip hop, right? Which they know the songs, but they don't know all the lyrics, if that makes sense. Like I had to play it and then they were like, Oh, I know this song. I'm like, but you missed the question. So it makes the company have more mixed company here. So it was so much more fun that people could actually get the answers, and then it made the game so much funner. Um, we tried to play this game called Cultures, which was like a hashtag thing, but it was the it was scrambled. That one was a little rough. Almost like when you see, I'm sure it's on TikTok, but it it's like I think the guy, the way it's the way it is on TikTok is like the guy says something with the initials, like white people say oh black people, and they have to like figure out that one's hard. Some of them, the long the sad part is the long ones I can get. The short ones, I'm like, uh what? Right. I'm confused. This was that, and but they had hints, so like when he gave the hint, it was like, oh, I think what which one was the you show is the ugly. I don't know how I got that because I don't even know what I don't even know what movie that's from, honestly. Uh color purple. Okay, and see I didn't really watch that, so I didn't either like once or twice. Oh, that's that's that's a movie that's hard to watch.

SPEAKER_02 8:53

Did you watch the second one?

SPEAKER_03 8:56

The second one with Fantasia. Oh, the musical. No, not with her, but with Cynthia Revo. No, I just watched her clips of singing. That's like a Broadway thing, or yeah. She won her Tony, I think, for that musical as well. Shout out to Cynthia Revo. She was she was utilized and kind of like under the radar, and then all of a sudden she popped up and now she's everywhere. I watched the Fantasia one with mom in the movies. We both were sitting there boo-hooing, chatting. Yeah. Speaking of Cynthia though, I finally watched We could 2. It was good. You know what did start that? You're right. I forgot. It was it wasn't bad. It kind of tied in the voice of the boss. The jerky part. Um it was not bad. It wasn't bad. I don't have to be in the mood for m musicals. I'm always always in the mood for a musical. No. Um, but talking about movies that are hard to watch, I think that any movie where there's like any type of slavery or something, they're hard for me to watch. Twelve Years a Slave. Um what was another one? Color Purple. Um, Harriet. I did watch Harriet, but it was hard to watch. I mean, it was nice that she, you know, overcame the things. There was a Netflix show with um what's the lady that did the hair? That one was kind of hard to watch in the beginning. CJ Walker, yes. That one was kind of hard to watch. I mean, it was it was good. You have to like wait for the ending and then you're like, oh, she overcame. But it's like we always overcome it. Yes, and we do, we do always overcome. It is the part that why why do we have to go to all that? Exactly. Anyway, I don't know. Do you have movies that are hard for you to watch other than musicals? Anything boxing. I think somebody's asked me to watch like the cream majority, and then I'm like, that's boxing, right? I mean, mind you, I didn't watch Rocky, so it's not like, oh my god, I have to watch this. Anything, anything with fighting. I just can't. Even clips of like kids fighting. I'm like, I don't want to see this. That facts. I I skip past that as well. I scroll past it. I did not watch Creed 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, because I feel like there's like 30 of them out there, and I could be exaggerating. I accept it. I just can't watch Rocky. Right. I can't like understand the cheering of someone being knocked unconscious. Yeah. No. Like I get it in the sports realm, but it's like, if that was my child, you know what I'm saying? Like, there's no way. Yeah, hit him in the nuts. Yeah. It's not for me. It's not for me. But um thing, like that used to be a thing for me because I remember we were at Dr. Walker's house watching that Tyson and Holyfield fight, and he bit the ear. Oh, I was traumatized. Traumatized. Can't do it. And then, of course, my own life of inabusive marriage. And I'm just like, no. I don't want to watch anything that has to do with boxing. No facts, nothing at all. Um, I don't know, I've just never wanted to watch slave stuff, so that's like a given. I do like musicals. I just, I just again, I have to be in the mood. Like, I can watch all high school musicals. Obviously, I'll watch White Christmas when Christmas is coming out. I can do singing in the rain. But sometimes it's like the dialogue is so long and boring. And then I'm like, okay, let's get to the next song. Um, and then what else is there that you made? It's stuff that you've made me watch that I enjoy now. This is true then. Um musicals, old ones, my fair lady. Um watch that like again. Gentlemen prefer blondes, I love Doris Day, the oldies. No, I mean the new stuff is fine too. I do like I like the romantic, what is it like the romantic comedy ones? You know, those are too because I switched between that and crime shows. So and even though crime is also abusive, since we're on that tip, I was gonna say that I like a lot of the biopics of singers, but they're also like so much drama. Yeah, it's a lot. Obviously, the songs are very classic for us in Icantina or what's all got to do with it, but like that is hard to watch. Yes, very but the songs like I have to say nutbush all day. Like ragdoll. Oh my god, it's just so oh yes, could yes, and that okay. So speaking of best um, what is it, soundtrack from the movie? Hmm, dream girls though, like I can I feel like dream girls any day, any day. Acting is you know how I feel about Beyonce. Um but give me the soundtrack any day, all day. Someone says it, and it's like, yes. Yeah, we are fans, such good songs, really good. Um and the story was good, like yeah, the story is good, the acting is a little much, music, excellent. I thought Eddie Murphy did amazing. Oh my god, I don't know if he won something for his play a part in that, but he should have because I really believed that he was like a jackfart and I would have Jimmy Early. So it was okay. Um Jimmy Early. Just the way she said it. I know. Um, I loved the best man's soundtrack. I probably listened to it, Kenny Lattimore. Um I don't know if it was just that era of my life, because you know how that is. Like the soundtracks get you through certain parts of your life, but I don't remember it. Oh, yeah, that's a that's a good one. There's another one that I used to listen to a lot of oh boomerang. Oh, but we did like brown shirt. Boomerang. I feel like it was all Tony Braxton.

SPEAKER_01 15:37

Like, was there any song that wasn't there?

SPEAKER_03 15:43

Um but yeah, those soundtracks. You're right. I may not be able to watch the movie, but I will listen to the soundtrack. Soundtrack at one point. Maybe that's why I like musicals, because the acting you can keep. Just give me the songs and the performance. I like that. Anywho, I don't even know how we got all the way up on that tangent. Moving right along because of how our brains work. Um, I was gonna process something else with you. Oh, okay. So today I, you know, we both have kids that are older, 20, 21, mine's about to be 20. And I cannot express enough how much the relationship changes from when they are in the house to when they are out of the house, and how I am a first-time mom of a 19-year-old, and I struggle.

SPEAKER_01 16:46

What do you struggle with?

SPEAKER_03 16:48

So she called today because there was an issue with the cat. Because yes, I'm a Gigi, which is gangsta grandma. I've already tagged it so people can't take it. I am a Gigi to a cat named Seven. And apparently the cat was sick, whoop, whoop, whoop, and she was just really frustrated because she like missed the appointment, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Needless to say, she she was freaking out. There was a lot of dialogue, and you know, well, you know, the world is ending because I missed this appointment, only for her to call back in like 10 minutes and be like, oh, I was able to get him in. Yeah. And I get it. Sometimes you need to vent because I do it to my friend too. Shout out to Carly, because I 100% left her a voice note today. It was just like, it's so interesting that my daughter called to vent to me today, and here I am calling you to vent today. Full circle. But the relationship is so different because when she was younger, I would have 100% just started fixing it. Okay, so go over here, do this, call these people, had they said this. Now it's just that's really hard. I'm really, I'm I'm so sorry that that's happening to you right now. But my spirit is in like, and maybe that's that trauma-like response too, because I'm always like you know, hyper-vigilant about stuff. But I mean, you you have a 21-year-old, and I know we probably talk about him a lot. He's amazing, he's smart as I don't know what. And yet he's just not utilizing any of those talents right now. And yeah, so he ran away at 16. His story's probably different. I just got bit of telling the story to somebody else. Like, I'm sure there's two different versions of the story. His is I locked him out, mine is he charged at me and I closed the door and locked it. Was the door locked in both situations? Absolutely. But there's a there's a different reason why. Um, however, he never returned. Never returned until this year. And I was when he was 16, he's 21. Um, came back for a few months, was supposed to go to job corp and you know, get his life together, got kicked out of job corp. Um, little addiction problem, but he's he did admit it. Which is big. We're not changing anything about it though. He also admitted he was a narcissist. We're not ready to change anything about it though. Okay, we're acknowledging step one. Great, that's great. Um, I just cannot, with still raising two children here, he he cannot live in my home. Yeah. Um so there, yeah. So I've had to a long time ago let him make his own decisions because he's been doing that his entire life, honestly. Um there's a there's a there's a difference when they have like behavioral challenges or mental challenges rather than just I don't want to say normal and not normal, and that seems unfair, but like your child doesn't have the same challenges, right? But it's still like they're grown, they have to learn on their own, they have to make their own decisions. We're here, but you chose to leave. So there's there's only so much I can do for you. And you have to want, you have to want like to do better for yourself. Yeah. For me, I don't think you get there. Like, when do you finally feel like your situation is not either how I raised you or it's not what is up to your standard, to where you finally say, okay, let me pivot and divot. Maybe there is another way. I almost feel like it's some pride too, and and I'm guilty of this as well. It's like, well, I I'm in this relationship, I love him, and so despite what anybody else says, I'm going to be with this person. I talk about this a little bit in my book. I thought I was thought it was fine, which is on Amazon, but there's a part where it was finally like, you know what? No. And the crazy part for me is that I don't think I would have gotten there until uh I was not, I was never physically abused. I do feel now, even though then I didn't see it, but there was some verbal and emotional abuse happening, and I just didn't see it. So he came over to my mother's house or my mom and dad's house, and you know, my daughter was like three at the time, and he was just standing over me yelling, and it was normal for me. And I'm just sitting there, tears are streaming down my face, as you know, I didn't do this and I didn't do this, and I didn't do this. And my daughter walked in and she said, Well, she didn't say she. Screamed, I'm not gonna scream at it, but she was like, Stop yelling at my mommy, and she wiped the tear from my face and I said, Get out. And I think that was my pivot or divot moment where I was just like, I can't have my three-year-old child protecting me when I'm supposed to be protecting her. So it was like this event that happened that made me kind of wake up to be like, wait a minute, I don't have to live like this. And for our kids that are coming up, it's just kind of like, at what point do you finally see, honey boo-boo, that I'm here for a reason. And it's because I love you and I have good things to tell you. It's not so that you don't have fun, it's really me trying to protect you and help you. And and you you weren't raised this way, or you were raised to be better than what you are, living up to your potential. And maybe that's it, Tam. Maybe it's like our expectation of their potential is different from their expectation. But like, come on, we raised some pretty smart kids. We do, but I what's unfortunate is like I always say, like, if you talk to my oldest, you would think he grew up in the hood. He did not. Yeah, he did not. Um went to pup went to like Christian school, got kicked out of there. I I don't know. It's almost like the I don't know who I was talking to, but I used to say this all the time. Like the ones that grew up in the hood and had this. I used to look at the stories of like professional athletes, and they would tell, like, I lived out of my car and I had a single mom, and I'm like, oh, I always feel like, well, I'm gonna make it. Like, we're gonna be great. But it's like for some reason, those are the most, I don't I don't want to say the most, but like those children can be like very well-mannered, respectable. They have a healthy fear of their of their mom or single parent or whatever. Um, and they do well. They go to school, they whatever. And it's like me who raised you in this great environment, nice home, two parents, like, and you talk like you're you were raised in the hood, like you had no parents at all. Like you are smart as a whip, but it's like no one talking to you would understand that. You'll be you don't even like know how to speak eloquently. And I know that that's I know that that's not how we raised you. Yeah. I don't know. It's like they almost want to do the opposite from where they live. And that that is like a 100% like a pride and ego thing for me until I realize everything is not a representation of me. And there it is. Your choices are not a direct reflection on my parenting skills. Those are your choices. And even now I'll be like, oof, you're not representing me well. That's what I would say to them. You're not representing me well. And it's like, for some reason, it's like I've never I never have to deal with it from all of them. Like I may have issues with the oldest. Okay, he's gone. And then my youngest picked it up. You know, I had like issues with my ex-husband, he's gone. Then it's my oldest, he's gone. Now it's my youngest, she's doing well. Now it's the middle. I was like, oh my god, I realized I can't do more than one at a time, so I guess it's his time. But it's so frustrating. And for for him and and I right now, because that everybody thinks he's my favorite. No, he just gave me the least amount of problems. That's literally it. He held on to it until now. And I and he's definitely living his best summer life right now, pissing me off to no end. I'm like, the curfew. I never had to give the oldest a curfew because he was gone at 16, mind you. Yeah. So this is like my first go, right? Of a curfew. And he and this one never went anywhere. People always came here. So out of the home, you know, he can drive, his friends can drive, they have cars. Their parents clearly don't care that they, if they have a curfew and what time they come home and how far away they are. That isn't me, sir. I care. You will not be at Law Behind at 17. Okay. Um, even the gym. I was like, um, I need it to be closed for under 18. I need it to be, I need to call the gym. You need to close for under 18 year olds because why is he out? And he FaceTime me. I'm like, why is there 25 people at the gym with you? Like, let's go to bed. I don't understand it. He went to the movies this weekend and he went to the one in spring. I well, y'all really don't understand. Anyway, it's like 30 minutes away, but he's like, Well, it's only five minutes more than the one where we live. And I was like, Did you calculate that? Who said? Like, I'm not looking at your location. I'm expecting you to be at this location that we always go to, and you're over here in Timbuktu. So I was just like, okay, whatever. I said, you know what? If you would just like overshare with me, I would feel more comfortable. Can you like that's the conversation we had to have today? Can you just like tell me? I'm not saying you have to tell me every stop that you make because clearly these teenagers today don't make plans like that. But I'm like, his friend will just come and pick him up. Where y'all going? I don't know. We'll just hop into the car and like no definition. I just bring your family. He's just like, we don't make plans ahead of time. And like we'll get together and we just want to hang out and then we'll make the plans when we get together. And I'm like, I understand that. However, you're in a vehicle. And I was like, you know what? As long as you're home by curfew time, no, I don't care to know every stop that you make. But if you're not gonna be home by curfew, that's when the phone should be picked up. And after 10 p.m., don't wake me up to tell me that you changed your plans and you're not gonna make it because then I'm gonna get pissed off. Don't message me at 1229 and your curfews at 12:30 and be like, oh, we decided to go here instead. I'm not up for this conversation. I didn't await to give this approval. No. If it's after 10 o'clock, you can consider it no. Come home by curfew. Well, we can't, we don't make that time. Make them see that's the thing. I feel like that's when my healthy fear came into play. Maybe we can call it trauma, that's fine too. But if we wanted to go somewhere, we had to have who was going. I mean, come on. It was like uh you were going up to do a presentation, mom. Oh, let me rephrase. I never started with my mom. I always started with my dad. Daddy. And I was like, God dang it, bitch. But why did he do that? Um, and then of course, mom would be like, anyway, so we would have to come with who's going, when we're going, when we're coming back, who's driving us? Do we need money? Are we staying where we are? And then she would still find, even though I would prep, y'all, I would prep with, okay, I'm going over here. You say you're going over there, I'ma say we're going over here. We got everything squared away. My mom would still find some question that I'm like, oh, I don't know that one. Let me find out, let me get back to you. But it was like you had to pass the dissertation before you went anywhere. And these kids are like on a hope and a prayer. Let me just go out here and have a good time. When I told my kid when I had to start giving her a curfew, I said, if you can't be in this house by by midnight, stay wherever you're at. Because there was too much going on. And this is like two years ago. No, I started giving her a curfew around 16 too. Because that's when she started driving and she was taking my car out. And I was like, Oh, hell no. You know, because you you driving my car around, and yes, you are unsure, but I know how kids are, they'll let their friend drive and oh, just drive around the parking lot. And if something happened, it'll be like, oops, no, no, no, no, no. Because I don't have the look, I don't have the funds to replace my car. So I was pretty strict on either being this, and then I couldn't sleep because the anxiety was like so bad anyway. So it's like, you can't be in this house by midnight, stay where you at. Because then I can go to bed. You'll be like, oh, you're gonna stay in the movie on a freak. He does not understand that. I said, I'm I'm worried anyway because you're out this late. That's strike one. Then you're not, I look at your location, you're not where I thought you would be, so that's strike two. And then, like, you're it's so late, like you're so past your curfew. And you're like, Well, I told you I'm going to the movies. I I didn't know that you going to a 1045 movie meant that you needed to be home at 3 30 a.m. The F? Absolutely.

unknown 30:46

What?

SPEAKER_03 30:46

He's like, Well, we can't turn home. I don't know what you think we're doing. Um, things that aren't of the Lord.

SPEAKER_02 30:56

Like it's 3:30. It's 3 30.

SPEAKER_03 31:00

What? Even Duba was like, it would be a 3 30 to hang out with a boy, like it's a girl. And I'm like, no, not not him. He's like, yes. And I'm like, I rebuke it. In the name I rebuke it. Dang, how did it be 31 minutes already? God dog. See, that's what happens when we get talking anywhere. Are there I don't know. And realize everything I told you was right. And all he hears is like, but we were talking about the movies. Like, what are you talking about? I was like, not that big of a deal. Okay, until something happens, and the first person, in fact, I hope the first person you contact is your mother, so that you could say, All right, all right, all right. Because I know it's gonna be hard to accept. I get that, but just acknowledge it, just for our own sanity. Be like, you know what, Ma, you was right. Yeah, I can't wait. I can't wait for him. I can't believe it. Oh wow, she's doing so much better. She's already like trying to get back on her sleep schedule for school. I didn't say a word. Beautiful. Beautiful. Oh man, she really is doing, she really is maturing. And then this coming waves. She's coming waves. So what are you doing? Who are you? Whose turn is it today? It's definitely it's definitely been his all summer. And I can't wait for your year, so I can only imagine the foolery that you're about to enter. I'm sure we'll have more talk out louds. Senior year. I'm at work, walk at the time. I was good for a late arrival and an early release.

SPEAKER_02 32:59

I'm not preparing. We're gonna pray over it. We got to. Until next time, folks, please don't forget to talk out loud.