Ep 070 The Worthy AF Series: Your Self Worth is Not Conditional

Let's get real about something that's been fcking with your head for way too long: the idea that you need to earn your worth. Spoiler alert—you don't.

In this episode, I'm breaking down why your self-worth isn't conditional on your weight, your relationship status, your bank account, or any other bullshit metric society has sold you. We're talking about how we get conditioned from childhood to believe we need to check certain boxes before we're "allowed" to feel worthy, and why that's complete garbage.

I'm also sharing the inspiration behind my upcoming Worthy AF Experience—a one-month container designed to help you reconnect with your inherent worthiness. Plus, I'm inviting you to join the free 7-Day Self-Worth Glow-Up Challenge starting February 14th, where we'll tackle different aspects of self-worth together.

What You'll Learn

• Why your self-worth is inherent, not earned
• How society conditions us to link worthiness to external achievements
• The specific bullshit stories women tell themselves about not being "enough"
• How to recognize where you're denying yourself based on conditional worth
• The practice of noticing when you tie your worthiness to something external

Key Takeaways

You are not broken. The system that taught you to earn your worth is broken.

Journal Prompts

1. What do I believe I need to do, be, have, or become before I'm allowed to fully love and accept myself?
2. If I woke up tomorrow with unconditional belief that I am wholly and completely worthy, what would I do differently? What would I stop doing? What would I start allowing myself to do?

Practice This Week

For the next 7 days, notice where you link your worthiness to something external. Keep a log of moments when you deny yourself something because you haven't "earned" it yet—whether that's related to money, your body, relationships, or waiting for permission.

Join the Worthy AF Experience

🎁 Free 7-Day Self-Worth Glow-Up Challenge Starting February 14th | Daily voice/video notes via WhatsApp

💎 Worthy AF Experience One-month transformational container starting February 23rd. Deep dive into worthiness, sovereignty, and reconnecting with your inherent value 

Connect With Me

Instagram: @ShalvikaP

Substack

Remember: You don't need permission. You don't need to wait. You're already worthy.

Transcript

Introduction

Welcome to Your Aligned AF Life podcast, hosted by your girl, Shalvika. I am a life transformation coach, a wife, a cat mom, pure generator, Enneagram 3, Pisces sign, and helping you build an aligned as fuck life is my jam. Out in this world, we believe that there are no set rules for building a life, career, and business; that we are all unique and we should be able to embrace our uniqueness in everything we do while shedding all the bullshit rules one at a time. We will talk all things mindset, manifestation, healing, energetics, rituals, success, and so much more. I believe that I can have it all and you can too. Ready for an episode that will take you one step closer to your aligned as fuck life? Let’s get started.

Hello and welcome to another episode of Your Aligned AF Life with Shalvika. Today I want to talk to you about something that I feel is probably one of the most important things that I will ever talk about. And I know I say that about a lot of things, but I really, truly believe that this is extremely important, okay? So today what I want to talk to you about is your self-worth is not conditional.

The Inspiration

But before I dive into why I think that and how to kind of navigate through that, I want to also tell you why I am talking about this right now, okay? So, I woke up with a dream on Monday morning. And it was not like a dream that feels like a super clear vision and visual for me; it doesn’t feel very clear, right? And it’s also possible that it was kind of triggered by a book that I’m reading. I’m currently reading a book called Butter by Asako Yuzuki, right? And in that, there is this person who is a food blogger, and she’s a cook, and she entices rich men with her cooking. Anyway, I don’t want to really get into that.

But I was just thinking that this character, right, is accused of committing murder. And she is still talking about how rich life is when you eat delicious, wholesome meals. And she specifically starts talking about butter. And I was just thinking about how someone who’s actually in a detention house, who’s been convicted of murder, is still so focused on food and something that gives her this experience, this pleasure. And that got me thinking—whether it’s healthy or not, that’s a completely another topic, okay—but what a strong sense of self-worth this female must have, right, to even be talking about food.

And I think this thought process kind of triggered that dream. And when I woke up on Monday morning, I woke up with this realization that this is Valentine’s month. And honestly, I am not someone who’s in any way obsessed about this, okay? I’m not someone who’ll remember it, I’m not someone who’ll do something special. I’m just not that person. But this thought came to me that, you know, this is Valentine’s month. And obviously, commercially, what we celebrate this day, like 14th of Feb, Valentine’s Day as, is a celebration of love. And of course, because of marketing and capitalism and all of those things, we are very focused on one kind of love, which is the love between, you know, two people.

And I thought, why can’t we make this Valentine’s Day that is centered—or Valentine’s month rather—that is centered around the love for the most important person in your life? Now this brings me to another interesting story, okay. I love asking my clients this question: "Who is the most important person in your life?" And invariably, most of the time, the answer is—first of all, it takes a really long time to come up with this answer—and then second, when that answer comes forth, it sounds like it’s my kid, it’s my husband, it’s my partner, it’s my sibling, it’s my mother, it’s my parents, right? And very few times when the client says that it’s me, it’s a very weird, hesitant me. It’s also along those lines of "I know it should be me, but I don’t know why it is not." And I get it, okay? I absolutely get it because I have been there. I have been that person who has struggled with naming myself as the most important person in my life, right?

The Worthy AF Experience

So, a combination of all of these thoughts led to this amazing, one-month-long container that will be starting on 23rd of February, which is called the Worthy AF Experience, right? And from 14th of Feb, for seven straight days, I am going to walk you through a free self-worth experience. Seven days, seven voice notes/video notes from me on WhatsApp where you’re going to have me in your back pocket. You’re going to share your stories, you’re going to share your journey, you’re going to talk to other people who are on the same journey as you, and you are going to be able to connect with your own center of self-worth. Connect with actually who you are and why you are worthy, right?

Because honestly, I have worked with hundreds of women in the last six years, almost six years that I’ve been running this business, and there is so much bullshit that I feel our brains create, right? A lot of times we have these stories that say, you know, "I’m going to feel worthy when I lose five kilos of weight, I lose 10 kilos of weight," right? "I am going to feel worthy when I take care of my body hair." This has been me, right? Like, I have hesitated to meet with people because maybe I haven’t gotten my eyebrows done or maybe I have a little bit of fuzz on my upper lip. And it’s something that I know has been sold to me as something that’s looked down on, something that is unfeminine, something that makes me manly and masculine, right? But if you actually objectively look at it, most women suffer through the same things, most women have the same things, right?

I have had conversations around where, you know, women who have been married, women who’ve probably been in toxic marriages, talk about how they want to leave their partner but they will only leave their partner after the kids leave home, right, because they have to be there for the children. There have also been conversations around how can I walk away from something that I spent 15-20 years in, especially relationships, especially marriages, right? What will people think? What will people say about me, right? There have also been conversations around how, you know, I struggle to say no to my family or I struggle to set boundaries with my parents or with my siblings because I’m a good girl. I’m supposed to be a good girl, I’m not supposed to be someone who opposes or rebels or says no or draws a line. That’s not who I am. And these are the bullshit stories. These are some of them, again; this is in no way an exhaustive list, okay?

This is something that if I were to like sit down and start talking about, I think I can probably record another like two-hour-long video about all of these bullshit excuses that our brains come up with that justify to us why we’re not worthy. That make us question why we’re not worthy. That make us decide to not go after what we really want. That make us stop to wait for permission so that someone else can come and tell me that "Oh, you know what, you can go ahead and do this," and only then I can do this, right? There are so many manifestations of not feeling worthy enough, right? There are so many manifestations of what happens when we are not connected with our own inherent sense of self-worth. I’m going to take a quick sip of water and then I’m going to continue.

Inherent Worth

See, here is what I want to tell you today: Your self-worth is not conditional. It is not attached to you fulfilling certain criteria in life. It does not come when you make a certain amount of money, it does not come when you birth a few children, it does not come when you are always the good girl, it does not come when you lose those five inches or five kilos or whatever, it does not come when you get your nose fixed. Of course, no judgment, no shade to anyone who wants to get their nose fixed, but what I’m trying to say is that does not make you worthy. You can go ahead and get your nose fixed, but feel worthy whether or not you’re able to go and get your nose fixed, right? That’s what I’m trying to say.

And think about it, like objectively speaking, you being born in itself is such a fucking miracle, right? Like there were millions of cells, millions of sperms—you might have heard my doorbell, right, but let’s ignore—millions of sperms that competed so that one of them could go and fertilize the egg that eventually became you. How can you not be worthy? That is such a magical thing that gave birth to you. It was such a massive miracle that led you to be on this earth. How do you question your sense of self-worth?

And I’ll tell you why that happens. I’ll tell you why we end up struggling with our self-worth. It’s because we are conditioned by our society to earn our worth, right? When we are born, we feel completely ourselves. We feel completely connected to our innate sense of self-worth. You will never see a three-year-old girl looking into a mirror and saying, "Oh my god, like I look so much better if, you know, I didn’t have this tummy roll." You’re not going to see that. A three-year-old is always going to look at herself and going to probably flick her hair and be like, "Oh my god, I look like such a princess," right? Because she is connected with her inherent sense of self-worth.

And then little by little as we grow up, as we start understanding the world, as we start making sense of the world, we are conditioned to earn our worth. It starts with your most conditioned influences, right? Like your caregivers, your family, your teachers, your grandparents, your parents, your older siblings. All of these start telling you what makes you worth. When you go to school, there is a grading system, right? There is an idea that if you get an A+, you are a really, really great student, but if you get a D-, you’re really not that great. And objectively speaking, like as a 35-year-old woman, I can say that it really doesn’t matter like what grade I had when I was 10 years old. It does not influence my life, it has not influenced how successful or not successful I have been because it has nothing to do with the grades that I made. But that is what we are taught. We are conditioned to believe that we have to earn our worth.

We have to earn our worth by doing better at school, we have to earn our worth by being a good girl, we have to earn our worth by following a checklist, right? Like finish your college education by 22, 23, get married by 27, 28, have a child by 30. And again, okay, I know if you are a Gen Z or a Gen X—Gen Alpha, whatever that’s listening—no, I am Gen X. Gen Alpha that’s listening to this, wow, I just went on a tangent. Know that this is a millennial checklist that I’m talking about. I’m sure you have your own version of checklist, and if you were a boomer, you would have a different version of a checklist, right? But this is the checklist that I grew up with, right? And anytime that does not get fulfilled, it means that chips away from my self-worth. This is what we are told; it’s a gradation system.

And that’s utter bullshit, again. That’s random ass rules that were made by random ass humans that we don’t even know. We don’t even know where these rules really came from, right? So we are conditioned by our immediate environments. The second aspect of it also is as women, we are conditioned—another layer to this self-worth game, right? What is your skin color like? What is your size? What kind of clothes do you wear? How are your features? How’s your hair? Do you have bald spots or do you not? Do you have body hair or do you not? Do you have cellulite? Do you have stretch marks? All of these get added to another layer of where we feel like we have to earn our self-worth.

But at the end of the day, it really doesn’t matter because we’re all real humans, right? We are all the same flesh and bones. We are all going to come here for this brief period of time and we’re all going to die. Like that’s what we are. How the fuck does it matter what size you are, what skin color you are, whether or not you wear glasses? None of that really matters, but we’re told that it matters and that’s why we start to believe that it matters.

The Invitation

So I just want to tell you here—I know I keep looking down but I have my notes—so I just want to leave you with this one thought: that you are not broken. The system that taught you to earn your worth is broken. There is nothing wrong with you. You are completely and wholly and abundantly worthy of love, worthy of affection, worthy of money and pleasure and joy and freedom and love and community and all of the things that you desire. Whatever it is that you desire because you are a human being, and that is what it means to be a human being.

So, here is my invitation to you. I’m going to put the link in the show notes if you’re listening to this on a podcast platform. If you’re watching this on YouTube, there are links in the description. On 14th February, we are going to start the seven-day self-worth glow-up challenge. This is a free challenge that you can go through with me for seven straight days where we are going to tackle different aspects of self-worth, where we are going to connect with what inherently means to be my self-worth, what inherently means to be worthy, right? I’m sorry, like there are times—I don’t know if you experience this—but there are times when I feel like my brain is running so fast and my mouth can’t keep up, and because of that, I’ll just jumble a bunch of words and then when the words come out, they don’t make any sense. But anyway, let me not digress, let me come back.

So, seven-day free self-worth glow-up challenge I’m running starting on Valentine’s Day, which is 14th of February, followed by a one-month-long Worthy AF Experience. Every week we are going to dive into various aspects of worthiness, and of course, I’m going to talk about this in subsequent videos and podcasts. But I want to extend this invitation to you. If you’re someone who has struggled with your sense of self-worth, if you’re someone who’s been waiting around for permission, if you’re someone who’s waiting around for the right conditions or circumstances to align themselves around you, if you’re waiting for that day in the future where you’re going to be a certain shape, a certain size, a certain age, I just want to tell you: you don’t have to wait. You don’t need that permission. You can start today because readiness is a decision. And this decision of readiness is deeply rooted in your sense of self-worth.

This is why I created this container. This is why I want you to be inside this container. I want to have as many women as I can get inside this container because we want to change the way we look at ourselves. We want to change the way we perceive our own sense of self-worth because that’s going to be how we change this world. There’s so many fucked up things that are happening in the world right now, and the only way to do that is to connect with your own sovereignty, is to connect with your own sense of wholeness, of completeness, of abundance. And that’s the work that we are starting.

So, do not forget to join the WhatsApp group where I’m going to run a free seven-day self-worth glow-up challenge. The links are all in the show notes and in the description. Just join, like do not even think about it.

Journal Prompts

But I’m not done. This episode is not done because I have some journal prompts. Of course I had some journal prompts. If you’ve been around in my world, you know that journaling is one of my favorite tools. It is something that I have really used to transform my life, and I love leaving you with journal prompts. So, before we dive into the journal prompts, I want to leave you with a small practice, okay?

What I want you to do is, after you listen to this, for the next four or five days or in an entire week—I would recommend an entire week—for the next seven days, I want you to notice where you link your worthiness to something external, right? Where you give yourself this story that you cannot do this because maybe you have not made money this month. That used to be me, okay? Quick story time. At the time when my business was struggling, I used to do this. I used to deny myself certain basic things in life because "Oh, I’ve not made money so far this month." That doesn’t mean that I hadn’t made like a lot of money before; it doesn’t mean that I did not have savings or I did not have money in my bank. But it’s just that I have decided for myself that every single month I have to make an X amount of money, and if that X amount of money has not come, it means that I am not worthy of these things that I like in my life, right? This used to be me. I had a very skewed relationship with money that directly affected my sense of self-worth, right?

So I want you to notice where you link your worthiness with something external. That may be money, that may be your body image, that may be your relationships, that may be whatever. It may be just permission that you’re waiting for—maybe you want to start a blog but you haven’t done that yet because whatever, XYZ, right? Millions of reasons in my brain, right? So I just want you to notice that and keep a log of it. I just want you to see at how many spots and how many places are you actually denying yourself the things that you truly want because you’re not connected with your own sovereignty.

Okay, so let’s come back to the journal prompts.

The first journal prompt that I have for you is: What do I believe I need to do, have, be, become before I’m allowed to fully love and accept myself? I’m going to repeat that question: What do I believe I need to do, be, have, or become before I’m allowed to fully love and accept myself? I want you to take your journal and I want you to just free-write what comes up when you hear this question.

The second question that I have for you is: If I woke up tomorrow with unconditional belief that I am wholly and completely worthy, what would I do differently? What would I stop doing? What would I start allowing myself to do? I’m going to repeat the question again: If I woke up tomorrow with unconditional belief that I am wholly, completely, abundantly worthy, what would I do differently? What would I stop doing? And what would I start allowing myself to do? That is all that I have for you today. I just want to leave this thought: that your self-worth is not conditional. And I want to leave you with an invitation of coming forth and joining the Worthy AF experience. Trust me when I say it’s going to be something that is an insanely transformative experience. You are going to be able to identify a clear before and after in your relationship with yourself after you go through this experience. That’s my guarantee. So come join me, come join me for the free seven-day self-worth glow-up challenge, and I will see you there. Awesome, I’ll see you in the next video. Bye-bye.

Outro

Thank you so much for tuning in today’s episode. If you absolutely loved what you heard today, be sure to share it with me by leaving a review on iTunes so that I can keep the good stuff coming. And if you aren’t already following me on social media, come soak up some extra inspiration and send me a hello on Instagram by searching @ShalvikaP. Also tagged in the show notes. I love and adore you so much and I will talk to you super-duper soon. In the meantime, continue building your most authentic and aligned as fuck life. Chao!