Ep 071 The Worthy AF Series: The Lies You Inherited

In this episode, I'm pulling back the curtain on the lies we've all absorbed from our families, society, and culture. These beliefs feel like truth because we soaked them up before we could even question them. But here's the thing: they're not yours, and they don't have to run your life.

What We Cover:

The Patriarchy Wake-Up Call How a random conversation revealed my own inherited patriarchal programming (spoiler: it was humbling as fuck)

Common Inherited Lies We All Believe:

• Money doesn't grow on trees
• Rich people are selfish/unethical
• Hard work is the ONLY way to make money
• Your body needs to be fixed/controlled
• You need to heal more before you can succeed
• Love means sacrifice
• If you're not struggling, you're being selfish

Where These Beliefs Come From

 We inherit operating systems from caregivers, society, schools, and social circles, absorbing them when our brains weren't developed enough to question them

How to Spot What's Not Yours:

• Disproportionate reactions to small triggers
• "That's just how it is" thinking
• Patterns repeating through generations
• Unspoken family rules

The Work: How to Dismantle Inherited Lies 

Byron Katie's four questions that'll flip your limiting beliefs on their head:

1. Is it true?
2. Is it absolutely, irrevocably true?
3. How do you react when you believe that thought?
4. Who would you be without that thought?

Plus the turnaround—finding evidence that the opposite is possible

Your Brain Loves Evidence

Want to rewire a belief? Feed your brain proof that something else is possible. That's where the magic happens.

Ready to Go Deeper?

Join the Worthy AF Experience starting February 23rd. 4 weeks of dismantling the beliefs standing between you and the life you deserve. You'll walk away with workbooks, journal prompts, and actual tools to use anytime limiting beliefs try to run the show.

FREE 7-Day Self-Worth Glow-Up Challenge starts Valentine's Day (February 14th). Seven days of overhauling your sense of self-worth. Join NOW!

Connect With Me:

Instagram: @shalvikap 

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Transcript

Introduction Welcome to your aligned as fuck life podcast, hosted by your girl, Shalvika. I am a life transformation coach, a wife, a cat mom, pure generator, enneagram three, pisces sign, and helping you build an aligned as fuck life is my jam. Out in this world we believe that there are no set rules for building a life, career, and business. That we are all unique and we should be able to embrace our uniqueness in everything we do while shedding all the rules or bullshit rules one at a time. We will talk all things mindset, manifestation, healing, energetics, rituals, success, and so much more. I believe that I can have it all and you can too. Ready for an episode that will take you one’s step closer to your aligned as fuck life? Let’s get started.

Personal Story: Uncovering Inherited Patriarchy Hello and welcome to another episode of your aligned as fuck life with Shalvika. I'm Shalvika and I'm so glad that you are here with me. In the last video or last episode if you're listening to this on the podcast I talked to you about why your self-worth is not conditional.

Today what I want to talk to you about is the lies you inherited and when I say you I mean all of us as human beings collectively. We inherit a shit ton of lies from everywhere but before I dive into that I want to share a story with you.

So this is probably one year into being married. For those of you who don't know I have been married to my best friend for nine years now, more than nine years now. Anyway, this was about a year into my marriage and this was when I actually had a full-time corporate job. Right? So I used to work, I used to be out of the house from 8:00 a.m. to I don't know 7:00 p.m. and he used to be out of the house for the same amount of time.

And I remember I was talking to a friend on the phone and you know she was kind of bitching about how her husband doesn't really contribute around things at home like with things at home and my immediate reaction to that was, "you know what I'm really lucky, I'm very lucky that my partner actually helps out at home, that he actually does things around at home." And I'm someone who's always considered myself to be not patriarchal, okay? Like I don't think I'm patriarchal at all.

But that evening when I was having dinner I actually turned to my husband and I asked him while talking to your friends do you ever say that "oh my god I'm so lucky because Shalvika does things around the house" and he looked confused first of all, of course, like that’s a very random question. But his answer was no. He's like, "no I don't really do that."

And I realized that that was my inherent pre-programmed conditioned patriarchy that was kind of coming out and making me feel like I am so lucky. And I'm not saying I'm not grateful. I am very grateful for all the things that he does around the home even today, right? Like I'm really grateful but that need of "oh my god like you know this is something that he is doing for me," right?

That sense of you know how I am being supported and how I need to feel indebted was something that was very new for me. It was a direct mirror holding up in front of me showing me that I am also very patriarchal because I feel like just because he's a man I'm lucky that he does things around at home. And again, you know if you didn't grow up in Indian households or South Asian households this may not really resonate with you or it may resonate with you I'm not very sure if you know if there are any households in the world that inherently have an equal kind of relationship but that's a whole new topic I don't want to go go there, right?

Inherited Belief Systems But what I want to talk to you about today is we fight against these inherited beliefs, against these inherited systems, against these inherited stories without even realizing that we are still operating from them. Like I never thought that I was someone who's patriarchal but I was clearly being very patriarchal in this because I showed I felt like I should feel lucky that you know he does things around the house, right?

So we inherit these operating systems from our caregivers, from our society, from our schools, from our friends groups, from the social circles that we hang out with. So we we inherit these ideas of worth, we inherit these ideas about money, about love, about success, about what it means to be a woman, all of these are inherited and they feel like the truth, right?

So I'm going to give you some examples I actually have some examples written down here. Money doesn't grow on trees, like this is something that so many families and systems actually believe. Rich people are selfish or rich people are bad, right? If someone is rich there must be something that they are doing that's unethical.

Right? These are just some stories that I'm giving you again, not an exhaustive list but just some very common stories that I've experienced in my journey in my client's journeys, right? And we inherit these as our operating systems. Beliefs like don't get your hopes up, right? Better safe than sorry. Hard work is the only way to make a lot of money and I'm not saying hard work is not the way, you have to work hard whatever it is that you do but I feel like if hard work was the only way to make a shit ton of money construction workers should have been the richest people around. Like they work so fucking hard.

I don't know if you can hear it but there's a construction site right next to where I live and they've been at it since like the break of the morning, right? So these are all just stories. You need to work hard to deserve anything, to deserve anything it has to be a struggle. If I'm not struggling it means I am not successful. All of these stories are beliefs that become our operating system. Now what do I mean by actually I want to I want to finish some more examples that I have here. Your body is something to control, to fix, to be ashamed of, to make better.

I feel and I'm going to talk about this in subsequent videos and subsequent podcast episodes as well but I feel like oh my god I just completely blanked out. Your body is yes, yes, got it, got the thread. Um even healing, right? Even this journey that so many people embark on of healing can become that trap that I just have to heal more in order to feel worthy.

I just have to heal more in order to go and start my business or in order to go and have a job or in order to go and have a partner who will give me a healthy who will mean that I'm in a healthy relationship. All of these are stories. Love means sacrifice, to love someone means you have to sacrifice something. Again, it's a story. If you're not struggling you're being selfish. I think I covered this but these are all the stories that we inherit. I know I'm looking here but I have my notes like all over this place.

But these are stories that you inherited from your social systems and they feel like truth because you absorb these probably at a time when your cognitive abilities, when your mental faculties to actually discern rationally what is true and what is not were not completely developed. So if a caregiver told this to you, if if you heard your mother right since you were 2 years old talk about how oh she she can never be worthy unless she like lost a certain amount of weight or that she has to be hard on herself, that she has to always be at war with her own body.

If you saw that since you were a child you grew up believing that that's how the world works because that is how we absorb our operating system. That's how we absorb our entire belief system. That's how we also absorb our nervous system and that's again, that's something that we're going to talk about at a later point but you inherit so much from everyone around you and even though that's not your truth you think you believe that that is the truth and so you take that and you make it something that you live by.

It becomes your ready reckoner. So anytime there is a thought that's challenging you you are going to reach out to your belief system to either justify that thought or be like "this is why this is wrong," right?

Hyper-Independence and Asking for Support So let me give you an example. Again I'm going to talk about myself I'm going to talk about my struggles with my business especially at a time when I wasn't making the money that I thought I would make. There was a lot of struggle around that because I felt very unequipped to ask for money to my partner, right?

And it's not like it's not like I have to ask him because I don't have money it's just that I didn't want to dig into my savings and he had the extra money but I would always feel so hesitant to ask him for money because in my head I saw growing up the dynamic between my parents and in my head that led me to be this hyper-independent individual who always has to provide for herself.

And again there are a lot of reasons for that, right? Like I was someone who had to grow up really early in my life due to multiple reasons. So I was this hyper-independent single child who was also a girl, right? So and again if you're not from India and subcontinent maybe even Southeast Asia I don't know if you relate to this but being an only girl growing up in my household was a unique thing, right?

I have had some of my dad's aunts and uncles and masis ask him "oh you have only one daughter you should have a son" because right a son is the one who provides for everything. But anyway that's again a completely different topic but what I what I'm trying to say is I had to grow up to be this person who took care of all her needs because I had to prove that, right?

I had to prove that I was not just a daughter I was a daughter and a son, right? It's funny how these operating systems that I'm calling, these these inherited operating systems end up defining who we be because of that I used to struggle to ask for support, ask for money, right?

And today now that I have made peace with that fact I have made I'm okay with this fact that you know we are partners there have been times when his business has not been doing well and I have been the one doing well and I still was there and I provided for us and I helped him out. So why is it wrong if the same thing happens with me? I can take support, right?

So again it is very important to discern which belief is mine and which belief is a lie that that I inherited because it is literally defining how you go about your life. It is literally driving the direction of your life and that is why this work is actually really fucking important.

The Worthy AF Experience Announcement Okay, before I go further I want to interrupt and I want to talk to you about the worthy as fuck experience. This is a one month long experience that’s starting on 23rd of February where for four weeks we are going to dive really fucking deep into different aspects of self worth. By the end of this journey you are going to walk away with feeling like you don't need external permission to go after what you really want.

You're going to walk away with being someone who's able to set their boundaries because you are worth it. You are going to be able to keep the promises that you make to yourself because you are the most important person in your life because you respect yourself more you are actually seeing through you are setting boundaries you're saying no you're doing all of those things and you are inherently connected with your desires you are inherently connected with your inner sense of self worth.

That is what you're going to get after these four weeks of the worthy as fuck experience. The link is in the show notes the link is in the description if you're watching this on YouTube. I am also running a seven day free self worth glow up challenge that's going to start on Valentine's Day 14th of February 2026.

So again the link is in the show notes the link is in the description please join us because this is going to be a ride that you do not want to miss. It's going to be so fucking juicy. I'm spending every day curating the content that's going to go out in the free challenge as well as in the worthy as fuck experience and I can tell you it's going to be chef’s kiss good.

How to Take Charge: Spotting Inherited Lies Anyway, coming back to the lies that you inherited. Now I want to talk to you about what you can do. How can you start taking charge? Now these lies that you have inherited have already been programmed, they have been in operation for decades by this point on your life. So is it going to be easy? Is it going to be overnight?

Definitely not. So if you're someone who's looking for a quick fix I'm sorry this is not going to be it. With all the love that I have for you with all the faith that I have in you being able to manifest everything that you want I want to tell you that this is not going to be easy but it's going to be completely worth it.

Okay, so the first thing that we want to do is spot what is not yours. Okay, now how do I do that? Right? That’s a very common question that I get how do I spot what is not mine. Look for your automatic reactions, right? They can be they can manifest as disproportionate reactions. Like maybe something really small happened but you reacted in a very very massive way, right?

Maybe in your relationships and I think I think if you have a partner if you have a close relationship with someone or you live with someone and you spend a lot of time with someone those relationships will be indicative of these disproportionate reactions. Like these are instances where after the fact you go back and you think "why did I react that hugely? What is it that about that situation that made me react that big?"

Right? So that is the first thing, the disproportionate reaction. The second thing that is also a part of the automatic reaction is this thought is this line of thought that "that's just how it is." This is how it is. "Oh he didn't treat you well? That's that's how men are. Oh you didn't end up making enough money in your freelance job? Of course not because you need to have a job in order to make money. Oh you did not sign up any clients? Of course not you were out on vacation how did you expect that you will sign clients?"

Right? All of these the this way of thinking that this is just how it is are also signs of the automatic reaction. These are clear cut ways in which you can spot what is not yours. I wanted to give an example of this and it was in my brain "that is just how it is." Oh yes yes the example is back. So I grew up in a Maharashtrian household. Again for those of you who are not familiar with India, India has multiple states and on the western side the state which has Mumbai is Maharashtra and everyone who’s who’s from this region is known as a Maharashtrian or a Marathi person, right?

Marathi is also my mother tongue, the language that I was raised speaking. Um so I used to believe for the longest time, right, that Maharashtrians or Marathi people cannot be good business people. They cannot run a business they can't be entrepreneurs because that's that's I don't know if you're Marathi you will relate with this. If you're not Marathi I'm just going to tell you that it's something that exists in the community because there is this underlying line belief that Maharashtrians can't run business successfully they don't they are not business minded enough to run a business successfully.

Now objectively speaking is that really true? Definitely not like there are so many very successful businesses that are run by Marathi people and we're going to get to that we're going to get to how you work through a belief system. But what I'm trying to say is for the longest time I knew I wanted to wanted to do something of my own but I didn't because I was very scared that I'm a Marathi person how am I going to be successful at business.

I ended up marrying a non-Marathi in fact I ended up marrying someone who's community is very well known as entrepreneurs in India so that gave me a very different perspective and that is when I was able to go ahead and take the step, right?

But inherently if I had continued to be in the same environment that I was I don't know if I would have ended up starting this business because I had for the longest time this belief that Marathi people can't run the business. So the this is an example of "that's just how it is." This is how it is this is the community we are just not business minded and that's who we are and hence we're not going to be able to run a successful business, right?

The next thing the next way in which you can spot what’s not yours is identifying patterns, identifying patterns with your parents, with your grandparents, with their relationships, right? Something that may be kept cascading through the generations, right? That’s a belief system that you inherited from your ancestors, from your grandparents and great grandparents, you know?

There may be unspoken rules of the family, right? That that also something that it could be. Um there may be a certain ways of life that you may have inherited, right? All of these fall under patterns. So these are the ways in which you can spot what is not yours.

Okay, so this is what I want you to do I want you to sit down and I want you to think about what are the ways in which I have an automatic reaction, these may be in terms of a disproportionate reaction and this may be in terms of the thought process that this is just how it is, ye aisa hi hota hai, right?

And the next thing could be patterns, what are the patterns that I see amongst my parents, amongst my grandparents, amongst my great grandparents, what are the predominant unspoken rule of the rules of the family that I was raised in and these are most likely your inherited lies.

Dismantling Lies: Byron Katie’s "The Work" Now what the fuck do you do with that? For this, if again if you've worked with me you know that we we use this technique but for this we're going to use what is known as Byron Katie’s "the work." Okay, Byron Katie is this beautiful human being who gave the world the gift of the work and the work is essentially four questions, okay?

So essentially you take a belief that you want to reframe, right? Take a belief that has been a limiting belief, that has been the lies you inherited, anything that's affecting your self worth today. Take that, write it down on a piece of paper, write it down at the top of the piece of paper, right?

And then the first question you ask yourself is, "is it true?" Right? Is this statement true? Right? Like money does not grow on trees, is this statement true? The only way to be successful is to work really hard, is this true?

Right? The next question that you have to ask yourself is, "is this absolutely irrevocably true?" What I mean by that is is there no circumstances in which the opposite is possible? Right? Is this completely is it as true as gravity is on Earth? Is this is it as true as you know if I throw this pen in the air it’s going to come down?

Right? And the thing with thoughts is the thing with beliefs is no belief is as true as gravity because every belief is a perception, it’s an interpretation of reality, right? So that’s the second question is it absolutely true? Ask yourself actually sit down and ask yourself.

The third question is, "how do you react what happens how do you feel how do you behave how do you um emote right when you believe that thought?" What do you do what do you not do when you believe that thought? Right? That’s the third question.

And the fourth question is, "who would you be without that thought?" What would your life look like? How would you feel? What would you do? What kind of a person would you be without that thought?

Okay, I'm going to repeat the four questions. Is it true? Is it absolutely irrevocably true? How do you react what happens how do you feel what do you do what you don't do when you believe that thought? And the last one is who would you be without that thought?

Okay, I want you to write down the answers to these questions. Right? And then the final step that you do is you turn around that belief that belief that you have, right? So for example, "if I’m not struggling I’m not successful," if that’s the belief, right?

What is the evidence of the opposite? Does that mean that it never happens that you know I'm not struggling and I'm successful? Does that mean that never happens to anyone that they have ease and flow in their lives and they are still making money?

Right? So flip that question around and ask yourself what is the evidence of that turn around thought. What is the evidence in my life? Right? Maybe your parents like okay this happened to me, right? My parents sponsored my college education I did not have to take a student loan for going through my college, right?

So that is an example of I didn't have to struggle but I was still I still received something successfully. Right? This is an example from my life. If you can't find an example from your life ask yourself what is the evidence of that turn around around you.

Right? So turn around that thought and ask yourself where is the evidence of that turn around thought. And if you don't find it in your life ask yourself where is the evidence of that in the world and I can guarantee you that you will find evidence.

This is how you take a thought, you first identify a thought and then you take a thought and then you dismantle that thought and then you spin it on its head you turn it around and you connect with it you fuse it to your reality by collecting evidence. Remember one thing that you need to know about your brain is that your brain loves evidence.

So any time you want to change a belief system any time you want to rewire a thought thought system a thought identity system whatever, right? Supplement it with a lot of evidence and you can see magic happen, right?

Conclusion And I know we we are going to be diving into this a little further in the next couple of episodes at least but that’s all that I have for you today. I really really hope that you are able to identify the lies you inherited and you are able to turn them around on your head and make them something that are actually going to make you feel worthy and not stand in the way of your worthiness, not stand I don't know what’s happening, not stand in the way of your success not stand in the way of what you want and what you deserve, right?

So once again here is me extending an invitation to you to the four week long worthy as fuck experience. This is going to be one of the most transformational experiences that you undergo. What we did today is a teeny tiny snippet of the process that we are going to learn because what we are going to learn is actual actionable steps.

You're going to walk away with workbooks you're going to walk away with journal prompts anytime in the future you end up struggling with a belief system you can come back to this curriculum and you can turn it around spin it around on its head. And here is me again inviting you for this free seven day free seven day self worth glow up challenge. This starts on 14th of February it’s completely free and it’s going to be seven days of overhauling your sense of self worth.

What are you waiting for? Join me find the link in the bio find the link in the description and I will see you there and if you're here on YouTube I will see you next week with the next episode and have a lovely day and good luck building your aligned as fuck life. Chao!

Outro Thank you so much for tuning into today's episode. If you absolutely loved what you heard today, be sure to share it with me by leaving a review on iTunes so that I can keep the good stuff coming. And if you are not already following me on social media, come soak up some extra extra inspiration and send me a hello on Instagram by searching @shalvakap. Also tagged in the show notes. I love and adore you so much and I will talk to you super super soon. In the meantime continue building your most authentic and aligned as fuck life. Chao!