SPARK, A Mother-Daughter Journey
Hi, this is Jenny Kierstead and Sophia Rae, a Mother-Daughter duo. We’ve been through a lot together the last few years. As we moved through COVID self-isolation, we also dealt with our own traumatic grief from the massacre here in NS, which claimed the life of Jenny’s sister, and Sophia’s Aunt, Lisa McCully. We decided to channel our desire to spark a light amidst the darkness by creating this podcast.Our hope for this podcast is to ignite honest, whole-hearted conversations that bridge the generational gap, heal trauma and light the path for a healthy, united future.
SPARK, A Mother-Daughter Journey
The three forbidden C’s: Conflict, Confrontation and Communication
In this episode, this mother-daughter duo discusses the uncomfortable, yet necessary topic of conflict and confrontation. Sophia starts us off with a quote from the Guardian: “Confrontation is the willingness to address difficult topics, while conflict is the willingness to engage in tense interpersonal relationships”
We discuss our relationship with conflict and confrontation and marvel at the generational differences in how we react to them (hint, Sophia’s great with confrontation, Jenny’s preference is avoidance). Jenny suggests that our relationship with conflict might be a spectrum, where on the far left we find the conflict seeker and on the far right we find the conflict avoider. We all tend to live somewhere on that spectrum (a great point of discussion with your family members).
We dive into the whole gamut of passive aggression and undelivered communication punishment by ghosting (which can feel worse than outright violence because of its sneaky nature). We both wholeheartedly agree that we’re always communicating somehow, even if we’re avoiding conflict by remaining silent. We also ask ourselves if our comfort with conflict is based on nature or nurture, or a bit of both. Ultimately, we agree that when faced with conflict, we could also stand to keep in mind that we all want intimacy and healthy relationships. So the next time we enter into conflict with another person, we can ask ourselves if our behavior aligns with the highest outcome for the situation.
We conclude that neither being a conflict seeker or avoider is better or worse. The key is to become familiar with your triggers and instincts around conflict and then eventually, have the awareness to choose the best approach depending on your situation.
The takeaway? Facing conflict is something we women, younger and older, could stand to practice more skillfully.
We hope this episode inspires honest conversations with your loved one’s, leading to greater trust and connection.
