In-Between: Navigating Heavy Grief & A Tribute To Our Best Girl

In the two weeks since we last chatted, our beautiful, perfect baby girl, Luna, left us earthside. She was only 7. For those caught up with the pod, you know Luna was our pup, our child, one of our greatest sources of joy and now she's gone. After taking a few weeks to simply mourn, exist and process this grief, although I'm not at all over it,  I was ready to come back to the pod. 

I promise this week's episode doesn't spiral into emotional rage. Instead, I wanted to talk about pet loss, loss in general, and grief, from what creates grief, navigating grief, managing so many conflicting and intense emotions at the same time, and what's been helping me during this unforeseen darkness and storm called grief. 

This week's episode covers:

• Luna's passing (do not worry, there are no triggering details on her earthly exit, but moreso what we believe led us to this tragic outcome)
• Managing your own guilt when dealing with grief 
• Navigating the storm of grief- do I run or do I sit with it? Spoiler alert: you weather the storm, one moment at a time
• Things that have brought me comfort and peace . Community being one of the biggest pillars of support. 
• The grieving process in general
• My 3 things I've learned the most about grief during this time 

Grief is ultimately love. It's painfully beautiful that something so harsh and dark and empty exists because of love. That's what I focus on today. Grief is chronic, it stays with you. It changes you. In the words of new favorite person, Nora McInerny, "You don't move on. You move forward." 

I hope this episode brings some comfort to you or someone you know who is currently navigating grief. I cannot thank you enough for giving me the time and space for myself and to be welcomed back with so much love. This is what The In-Between was created  for, to find purpose, community, and understanding of all the crazy, beautiful life stuff we experience. Sometimes it's fun, sometimes it's weird, and sometimes it's painful. Together, we will get through. 

This one's for you, Luna. I know you are with me now and forever, and will be with me as I build this community the way I always said. Thank you for finding us and  showing us how beautiful life and the world can be. Until you find us again, because I know you will, I love you, baby girl. 

Connect with me:
https://in-between.co
@in.betweenpod on Instagram
@elizabethcheney_ on Instagram
@theinbetweenpodcast on TikTok
The In-Between Podcast on YouTube

Transcript

Elizabeth: 0:06

Hey, hey, hey, everyone. Welcome back to an all new episode of the in between podcast. I'm your host, Elizabeth Cheney, and oh, a lot has happened since we last talked. And I know I've been gone for a few weeks. Um, and I, I'm sure we'll talk about this a little bit in more detail, but I cannot thank you all enough for giving me the time. That I needed to step away and just grieve. Um, part of me is wondering if maybe this is a little too soon. Cause I pressed the red record button and all of a sudden all of my emotions came flooding to the forefront. So, we are gonna get through this. Don't worry, this isn't going to turn into some very uncomfortable, cathartic release of a sob sesh on my part where you're just going to be like, Am I a fly on the wall? Should I give her a moment? Uh, but that is partly why I did take the time to step away. Um, but the thing about grief is You can't, you can't really prepare for it. You can't expect where it's gonna go. You just, you have two options. You can either run away from it. You can drink, do drugs, shop to your, you know, shop till you drop. You can, like I said, run away from everything that makes grief uncomfortable, which is everything. Because grief is extremely uncomfortable and unsettling. Or You can sit with it, and you can ride out the storm, which is extremely intimidating, because you think you could possibly die, suffocate from the level, from the depth of the grief, but there's some deep, deep, deep part of you that knows you're gonna get through it, so you weather the storm. So, I guess I should just kind of go into things. Um Don't worry guys, I got it. I got it. Because I just want to say, like, I've been missing this outlet. I've been missing this connection. Um, all of you, dear me, all of you have reached out to offer me condolences, love, comfort, um, just wrapping your arms metaphorically around me, or figuratively, literally, people who have seen just I cannot, cannot thank you enough for every single message, text message, phone call, letter in the mail, because yeah, people, since the snail mail, um, haven't received any carrier pigeons yet, but the jury's still out, um, over the past two and a half weeks to Stan and I. Um, but if you did not see my posts, we lost Luna. The day after Thanksgiving unexpectedly. Um, ooh, I said it. I said it and I did not explode into flames and or tears. So that is progress. Ha ha ha. Um, we lost Luna unexpectedly. I do not want to really go into her last bit of time. Cause I am gonna be completely blunt, it was traumatic. Um, it all happened really fast, I would say within, I mean, really I guess it was within 24 hours, but it went from, let's say 25 to 5, 000 within 10. Um, let's just say I woke up Thanksgiving not thinking my, my dog was gonna be gone that next morning, early. Um, But you all know she was sick. I've talked about it and, uh, the one thing I do want to talk about in terms of her, like, her exit, her, her earthly exit, um, from her physical self is I still stand by everything that I said a couple episodes ago when I detailed, like, the experience in the ER with Luna after we got back from Italy and all the stuff that was going on with her. And after, you know, it's been two and a half weeks, um, I've talked to her vet. Kind of gone through some stuff and also like the things that were going on as she as she exited this world. I am still extremely confident that It wasn't so much The GI issues that took her. I think they were part of it, absolutely. But I do think the fact that the ER vet at that hellacious experience we had that put her on her body weight's worth of steroids. She was 54 pounds and she was put on 50 milligrams of steroids. I think that is what took her. Um, it completely compromised her body. I mean, it destroyed her body, y'all. I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna deny that. And I was spending almost 300 worth of vitamins and medication, not on the GI issues. Those actually cleared up pretty quickly after, uh, the ER visit. It was, the 300 was for all of the stuff she was taking. to counteract what the steroids were doing to all her vital organs. Her liver was shutting down, like it was just insane. And although she was slowly getting better, like at the protein levels in her blood and all of this, these other levels and things were going down. And that was because of the steroid, not because of her stomach. That's all I'm going to say because I do not want this to turn into a witch hunt. And, you know, me just absolutely going in on the ER vet in Blue Pearl. I will, I'm probably not even allowed to say that on the pod, but I'm not planning to sue him because that would be impossible, but I am definitely going to make it aware and get that message out there that stay away if you can. Um, I mean, when I posted about her original ER visit in the The hell that the experience was. So many people reached out to me with similar experiences. Um, some even told me that they think blue pro killed their dog. And I didn't want to think about it at the time, but now I'm just like, Hmm, interesting, interesting. But I am not going to make an accusation cause I can't confirm. But after everything that we've experienced and the journey that we've had with Luna, since we got back from Italy and just her health journey, It doesn't make sense what happened, doesn't make sense why she, how she left, why she left, and how she left so suddenly and the only thing that we can think of is it's just her body just couldn't take it anymore. Her body couldn't handle the fact that it was so weak because of the steroids. So, I just, I don't want to make, like, that's the one kind of really, I mean, this episode is going to be about grief and that's depressing as it is, but that's the one thing I wanted to say in terms of her care and the, uh, the outcome, um, because I know I went pretty hard on that episode, I think it was the dog drama one, about advocating for yourself and trusting your gut, and I just want you to know that I still stand by that. Uh, I still stand by trusting your gut and your intuition. Um, because I'm going to try to say this without crying. If that vet would have listened to us, if she hadn't been so arrogant and ignored everything we were saying and, and, and wouldn't have just treated Luna so matter of factly like she knew, she knew, because I mean, I'm not going to act like I'm the professional, but your refusal to even acknowledge our experience with our dog and what was going on just speaks volumes to the type of care we received. And I feel like, had she, because she did get so much better so quickly after we, we brought her back from the ER, I can't help but wonder if things would have been different. But, I can't sit on that, I've been sitting on that for two and a half weeks, you gotta move on, so, um. That's, that's that. And for those who are watching this episode on YouTube, I apologize. I look like absolute butt, but you know, I wanted to, I wanted to be vulnerable. I wanted to be authentic with you guys. I mean, what is the in between podcast? It is authentic. And this is, this is what I look like right now. Um, be happy that I'm showering. Cause that was a little hit or miss the first week and a half. But, um, all right. So the news is out. We lost our beautiful, perfect baby. And, um, I am forever changed. I mean, I was changed already because of her, but God, grief. So I didn't want to take today's episode just to talk about the loss of Loon, because for anyone who's lost something, somebody, someone deeply close to them and deeply, deeply personal to them, you know exactly what it feels like, but I wanted to talk more so about grief. And I am by no means a expert champion. I have done the whole grief cycle a thousand times. I'm writing a book on it next week, y'all. But if there is one thing about me that if you haven't picked up on quite yet, well, you're about to, I am a very deeply introspective person. I am deeply existential and for any type of experience that is, is extremely emotional. As to what grief is, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna introspect on it, I'm going to think about it, I'm gonna sit with it, um, I have all of the emotions, as I'm sure you can understand, and I just kind of wanted to talk about what my experience has been, some of the things that have helped me. Some things that I have found some different people in the in the in the public space on the internet I don't really know like I hate using the term influencer because it's I still have this Association with influencers like those, you know The people on tik tok dancing being cutesy and then they're you know Showing off a lip gloss like oh get this lip gloss 10 percent off with my coupon Not that I'm against that, cause uh, hopefully one day your girl's gonna be poppin some lip gloss on here. Yo, get your coat in between, 20 percent off. But, people of significance on the internet. They're not all just influencers. I guess, I guess a simple term that to me is a little bit more, I almost said respectful, but that's, I don't mean to dis influencers, but one that seems more well rounded is content creator, but some people that I've found on the internet that have really helped me in my journey. Um And just, yeah, a few things to, to call out to, to point out that maybe will help you in your grief journey or, you know, when that time comes for you to step into this, this storm or better yet, things that maybe you can help somebody you know going through grief. Because if, there is one thing that has made this whole journey just a little bit easier. It has been community. And I don't just mean the, the inner circle community. I don't even just mean your internet friends community. I mean complete stranger communities. Like, I'm gonna get into it, but community, the collective support is just extremely important. Extremely special and it is humbling and I have been forever changed of this whole experience. Um, so the first thing that I just want to say about grief that really helped me and immediately helped these extreme emotions feel more manageable was understanding that grief is the unspent love. Think about it. Grief is just absolutely unsettling. It is uncomfortable. It is dark. It is empty. It is, it is a storm and you are drowning in it. Put your head above water. I don't even know how. When you're in that type of environment, it is hard to think of anything good All you can think about is the emptiness, the loss, the end of the memories. No new memories. That's what's propelled me Monday night. No new memories. And I saw this thing that talked about grief is all the unspent love. Grief is heavy because it is the immense joy and love that When that loss was created, where is it gonna go? It goes into grief. You go to mourn that immense joy, that immense love. You grieve that hole that's piercing your heart. Y'all, I've never felt my heart physically ache the way that it does. Now, Just to recap a little bit, I, for y'all who've been with me from the beginning, you know this, but I lost my pop in, on Christmas 2020. God, he had fucking holidays. Loon took Thanksgiving, Pop took Christmas. But, uh, my pop was like my dad. And, um, he had cancer and we, we kind of knew it was going to happen. We kind of knew. We knew it was happening. It doesn't make the loss any less painful. But there was a bit of a runway. And I'm not going to make this turn into a debate of what's worse, losing somebody or losing somebody unexpectedly? Because it doesn't fucking matter, you know? It doesn't matter. They're gone. What matters is that person, that source of light is no longer in your life. Who gives a shit? And not that anybody has made me feel small for that, but I'm just, I just want to put that out there. Do not judge yourself. If you are grieving hard and you had a three year journey to this loss because of cancer or this or that doesn't freaking matter. It is significant and it is deep. But the point I was going to make with this is I lost my grandpa and it was, it was absolutely horrible. But this loss, ooooh. I feel it a lot more and I'm not sure if it's because it was unexpected, but I think it has more to do with what Luna was to us. She was more than a dog. She was a source of happiness. Yes, but she was a emotional support animal. She was our trifecta. She was a puzzle piece. She was a part of the Stater family. It was me, Stan, Luna. Like it was SEL, you know? Stan, Elizabeth, Luna, that's just, that was us. I truly think she was a soulmate. Because the connection we had with her, and what's also special is me and Stan each had our own unique connection with her. That's what makes it so special, but she was different. I truly think that she is a soul dog. I truly think that her energy, her soul, is a part of our collective soul family. Another thing about this whole grief experience, it has made me really lean on my spirituality. Now I just want to say like I'm not religious, I am extremely spiritual. I mean, I, I don't know, I don't want to make, turn this into a religion talk either, but I have leaned on my spirituality and the universe and trying to find some meaning out of all of this because, well. Let me just pause on that, we'll come back to the whole, like, finding meaning in this, in this turmoil, in this, this trauma, this tragedy. Because I have more to say about that, but going back to this loss and the physical pain, like, it feels like my heart is crying. The breath taken from my lungs. Oh, it's just, it's a lot. It's a lot. But thinking of the grief as the unspent love, thinking of the grief being the product of loving so hard, I have found comfort in that. And even though I am extremely unsettled and uncomfortable in this storm, and I want to say me and Stan are 1000 percent leaning on each other and I'm so grateful to have a partner who is open to just Experience this because it's, it's so hard and I'm a very, very, very empathetic person and I'm struggling and my husband who is not near on the level of I am, that I am of empathy and understanding and letting those emotions flood in. This is hard for him and I'm so proud because he is letting himself feel. He is letting himself grieve. And we are walking this storm together. We find comfort in the fact that this storm was created because of the abundance of love of Luna. And that is not me gaslighting myself, because it's the truth. If we didn't love Luna, if she didn't love us, if that love didn't exist, this grief would not be this deep. It would not be this painful. It would not seem impossible. So that is how I choose to look at it. Grief changes you. That's another thing I'm learning. I've heard that, I've read that, I've, I have read so many things on the internet to make myself feel better. My whole algorithm is grief city baby and it helps, it definitely helps. It makes me cry, sure, but it helps me, it helps me, it helps me mourn. It helps me accept my grief. It helps me be easier on myself because you know the anxiety is in full effect too. The gaslighting, the, the guilt. The guilt is overwhelming and I'm going to talk about that here in a moment too, but grief changes you. There's a person, this is what I was talking about, earlier about They're not an influencer, but maybe a content creator, but it was a TED Talk clip. Her name is, uh, Nora McInerney. And she has a podcast, Terrible, Thanks for Asking. I'm definitely gonna listen to it now, but she had this TED Talk clip that one of my girlfriends sent me, and it was like four minutes, and she's talking about grief. And it was in 2014, and within two months, she lost her second pregnancy, she miscarried. A few days later, she lost her father to cancer, and then a month later, she lost her husband to stage four, stage three, I think it was stage four brain cancer, which they knew he had it. It was like a three year journey, something like that, but he died. Wow. That's a lot of bam, bam, bams right, right after the fact. And she talks about grief, and I do want to point out, I'm going to say a few things from this, this, this piece of this TED talk, because It has brought me a lot of understanding and acceptance, but the first thing I want to point out from her speech She talks about how grief is chronic. It's not momentary. She talks about how all the good moments, you have a baby, you get married, you start a company, you build your dream home, all these joyful, happy life moments. She's like, people don't expect you to forget about them. Like, you don't have a baby. And she said, and then five years later, you get the invite to their birthday party, and you go, God, another birthday, five years, God, get over it. But with grief, maybe there is a different exception there. And she's like, that's not fair. Grief changes you. And so on that point, I just want to say, I have experienced that. You know, the too long, didn't read version of that is things do not bother me like they used to. The little things, because we all know I have major anxiety and the things that would get me not angry, but like, ah, stress, the little things, it doesn't matter. Grief changes you. It changes your essence because you lose a piece of you. And I say lose, but I also haven't lost because I know Luna's still with me. I mean, y'all, I can feel her and that's what's made this so crazy feeling and overwhelming is that I know she's physically gone, but there is this extreme sense of comfort of she's here. Like I feel her presence. And I don't know if I am losing my mind or what, like this is just some new phase of the grieving process. It's like a double edged sword because I feel her, but she's not here. So I can't physically rub my fingers through her hair and smell her and love on her and give her kisses and cuddle and have her come for me. But her literal energy, because she had an energy, she casted a wide net of energy. I feel it. So I don't know if that's what's bringing me the comfort and not worrying about the little things, but grief changes you. I have more compassion and patience for people, which I was already deeply compassionate. I mean, not gonna lie, I got a little testy on the road. I'm not like a crazy road rage person, but like I get annoyed by traffic, who doesn't? I live in Atlanta, it is what it is, but it's like The little things just don't get me anymore because there's, there's bigger things to worry about. And I already live my life this way, but after going through this and the experiences that I've had with people, another thing about how grief changes you is you really understand that phrase, you don't know what people are going through. So, with that, I also have an added layer of patience and acceptance and understanding. But going back to that example about, the happy joyful moments, how they're chronic, they're not momentary, you're not gonna tell your friend, oh my god, your kid's having another birthday, like just make it end already. But how sometimes that, those tables are a little turned for grief. Grief's the same way. Maybe you're not gonna be crying, sobbing, woe is me, the world is over. the time forever, but it, it does stay with you, it is, it is a change, a mark on your heart and it is, um, grief is a juxtaposition of emotions, it is contrasting emotions. It is at the forefront. There is love and there's pain. There is understanding and there is non acceptance. There is anger and there is hope. There is doubt and there is happiness. There is the fear to love again and then the need to love again and that's a lot to sit with. I mean, living and existing is hard enough. Dealing with our emotions on the daily is hard enough. And then boom, this hits and you're like, Oh my gosh, this is heavy. This is heavy. It's chronic. It's not momentary. It changes you and you don't need to feel guilty over it. You don't need to feel, you're not grieving properly over it. Feel all the things. Sit with it. Remember what I said, you have two options. You can run away, or you can sit with it. And I'm going to tell you right now, running away is only going to make it harder and hurt you in the long run. It is uncomfortable. I know. I know. I've thought about creating a pet grief support group, and I may, still may. Because, like I said earlier, one of the things One of the big things that's getting us through this is community. So lean on your community. Allow them to help you carry the weight. They don't physically carry it, but just the outreach, the love, that helps you carry it. We had so many people reach out about Luna. And that just goes to show the impact she had and the, the impact we had in sharing our love with her, with the world. I had people who I haven't talked to in years, people I don't even know, reach out and say thank you for sharing her with us. I looked forward to your posts and I'm so sad to know that she's gone. Wow. I'm in a few Australian Shepherd groups and I just kept feeling this pull to Post in there and it's not about, Oh, look at me. No, not at all. And I don't even like feel like it's fair for me to acknowledge that, but I am sure I'm not the only one who's felt that like kind of guilt. And let me tell you right now, there is no room for that guilt. No need for that guilt. You do what you need to do to help you carry the heaviness. Because the other option is dropping it and not dealing with it. And that's just not acceptable. We have to fight. We have to go through it. That's not to say we don't resist here and there, but ultimately we have to put one foot from the other. And whether it's day by day or literally what me and Stan have been going through, especially in the first two weeks, is living it moment by freaking moment. But community. So this Australian Shepherd group, I posted in it. Just a simple thing saying, hey, we lost, it was about a week, it was almost one week from us losing her. And I made a, I posted a few pictures and I just said, I am, this is the worst pain I've ever felt. Because also like, it's not like you're going through these deep, like deep emotions all the time. So when you go through it, it's like, whoa, I need a little help, I don't know what to do here. This is completely overwhelming. And y'all, like almost a thousand people reacted, commented, sending me love, sending me condolences, saying beautiful things about my girl. Oh, you could tell that baby was loved. Look at that smile. And it was so comforting. But some of the things people said, complete and total strangers, taking a moment of their day to send me a message of love and a band aid on my heart, so to speak. Other people sharing their lost stories. People losing their baby at four and a half, at six months. Someone lost their dog at six months. Hearing from people who had just lost their baby, lost their baby a month prior, two months prior. And I started feeling like, wow, Because when you're in this level of grief, it is so isolating, right? It's so lonely. And it's not that I was comforted knowing that other people had just lost their baby. Gosh no, I don't wish this, I don't wish this pain on my worst enemy! I don't! But somehow, knowing that this deeply isolating, excruciating pain that I was experiencing, that me and Stan both were experiencing, seeing that somebody else was going through it, I don't know how to explain it, it just helped the load feel lighter. It helped my emotional bandwidth. It helped navigating the pain. It helped me know and realize that I was not alone and there was somehow comfort in the collective grief, knowing somebody else was going through it. I don't know how many times I've looked in the mirror. When I have felt so empty and so low that I just can't do it and just looked at myself and said, you are doing the hard thing. You are experiencing one of your worst nightmares. It's not that we didn't think this day would come. Of course we did, but I certainly did not think it would come so soon, so quick and so traumatic, but shit, we are doing it. And I'm proud of myself. I am proud of staying. I am proud of us doing it. So, another way in which grief is chronic and changes you, it shows you how strong you are. And it is, it is, it's, it's incredible. I have reached new emotional depth, which I did not think possible, but you know what? We are there. And I know I am keeping it together pretty well right now on the pod. But also I just want to say it took me two weeks to get here. This is not to say I'm not going to crumble once I press the red button and quit recording because, woo, I've been trying to keep it together for y'all. Because like I said, this is not going to be some awkward sob sesh, but I am deeply changed. Another thing I want to talk about is the guilt. And to go back to Nora McInerney, the one extremely powerful, significant thing she said that I want to say and, and I hope that you, you take this in, is we do not move on from grief, we move forward. And I was struggling with the idea of moving on before I found this clip, this, this clip was sent to me. Because moving on seems so finite, moving on seems like you're forgetting. Like, oh, we're moving on, we're moving past. They're just a memory, whatever. But that's not what it is. You move forward. And in the example she gives, is so she lost her, her child, her pregnancy, her father, and her husband. But she talks about the love her husband and her shared. It helped her know the love that she deserved and it allowed her to love the man, the next man she fell in love with. Because she has since been married, they have since had a child. They have a blended family. And then they have like their own shared child. And she's like, I would not be able to experience that love with my new husband. And love him the way that I do, but weren't for my other husband, my previous husband, my Aaron. So, it's not that I move on from Aaron, I move forward with Aaron. She's like, I look at the child that Aaron and I created together, and I see so much of Aaron. So I don't move on from Aaron, I move forward with Aaron and our child. And then she said, I see, you know, my new husband, his children, and they get to be a part of my life. And I get to love them and be, you know, their bonus mother. And she said, so I'm not moving on from Erin. I'm moving forward with Erin. I move forward with Erin in the sense that I get to experience these two beautiful children. You don't forget. And you don't move on. You move forward. You move forward with their memory. You move forward with what you learned. You move forward with what you experienced. She said it's so common for me to talk about him in the present tense, not because Aaron was, but because Aaron is. Because he's with her. My friend told me that grief never goes away. Life just builds around it. Because it is ever changing. It leaves a lasting mark on you, which can be intimidating. I used to be so scared of grief. I was terrified. of that level of emotion. And when my pop died and I experienced it for the first time, I was like, oh my gosh, buckle up and now with Luna, and experiencing this, it's even deeper. And thinking about moving forward with her, and her mark on my life, brings me comfort. I am a better person because of Luna. I am a better partner because of Luna. Luna made Stan and I better partners, better lovers, better parents. There is nothing I wouldn't have done for that dog and I just busted my ass to make her livelihood, her quality of life better and was trying so hard to get her off those steroids. I move forward with Luna and the next baby because I know she's going to deliver it to us. And a part of me thinks that she'll find us again because it was an otherworldly connection. I do think she is a part of our soul energy, our soul family. I don't know when, I don't know how, I don't know to what extent, but she's with us and I think she will find us again Earthside. But we move forward with her energy, her presence, her love, her memory, and everything that we do. How I said grief changes you, how it's chronic, that's moving forward. Because I am deeply changed and forever changed because of her. So we don't move on, we move forward. And I hope that that brings you some comfort. I don't know who needs to hear that, but it brought me such a release because I've been struggling with so much guilt. I struggle with, if I'm not sobbing, crying all day, then did I really love her? Am I really sad? Um, if I go out, am I, am I, I felt guilt like, am I, am I just trying to escape? Am I, am I trying to, to just forget and run away from the pain? Making myself feel crazy. Feeling guilt that I'm even thinking about another puppy because, well, that just brings me comfort. Because when I feel that guilt, I then think, oh my gosh, I'm just trying to replace her. And it's like, no, I'm not. And I'm not getting another dog right now. We're going to wait till we get a house because, one, we're not going to bring a pup into this apartment. And two, just don't want to do that, you know. And plus, we are hoping to get out of here within the next few months. So, you know, it's just, it's part of the process. It's hard being at home, I'll tell you that. Everything reminds me of her. I keep thinking she's gonna come around the corner. But then, like I said a few minutes ago, like, part of me is just trippin cause I feel like I feel her everywhere. It's wild. God, grief is wild. I'm sad. Trust me. hangin in there. Today is easier. The first week was awful. I think I just stared at the wall, to be honest, and life just passed me by. It single handedly felt like the quickest week of my life, but also the slowest. She was such a perfect dog. She was our little protector, our little puzzle piece. And I know we'll find more puzzle pieces. I know the puzzle will, will get bigger. And I also view this as, Luna is the core of our heart, right? And every baby after that will just be a ring around that. It will always stem from her. And I've always heard, like, the first baby is the toughest to lose, and it's just, oh man. It's crazy. Another thing that helped me that I want to talk about briefly before I end this episode is, um, a friend sent me another clip, I can't remember what it was. It was, I think it was a podcast in Europe and they were interviewing this woman who had lost her daughter and, um, she prefaced saying, Hey, look, first off, understand that I lost her 10 years ago and it took me a lot of anger and pain to get to the point that I am today. So understand that I have grieved. I have cried. I have mourned. And she said that she chose to create art from her grief. And I really resonated with that because what is the in between? It's life experiences. Yeah, it's me joshing on the mic, you know, being funny, being weird, trying to entertain. Talking about, God, the, the layers of being human, the intricacies of being human, being human is hard, but bringing an authentic lens to what it means to exist, emotions, mental health, all the things, and that's, that's what I'm going to do with this, because grief is something that I feel like is a little taboo to talk about, because it makes people uncomfortable, because you know how uncomfortable and unsettling grief is, and it's kind of like. If you know, you know, like if you've been through grief, you know what we're talking about. If you've, if you've experienced it, you know. And so I, when I heard this woman say she took, she wanted to take her grief and turn it into art. I resonated with that and I want to talk about it and I'm sure we'll talk about it deeper later Forever who knows like this won't be the first time we ever talk about grief. I mean shoot as I get bigger I want to get this Nora McInerney on here. I want to go on her pod I want to bring her perspective because it's beautiful Grief is a part of life I mean you could simply not love and not let people in and things in What kind of life is that? And as freaking horrible and as painful as this is, I would do it all over again because that love with her was worth it. So I'm gonna turn my grief and use my grief into art. Another thing this woman said is, I said yes to the grief. I thought that was powerful. And I, I have said yes to the grief, y'all. I am sitting with it. I am walking the line with it. So sit with the grief. It will not last forever. It will stay with you. It will stay with you forever, but it's not gonna last this, this loud and this heavy forever. And if you are anything like me that before you've experienced grief and you heard those statements, like it stays with you forever and like you're like holy shit, grief sounds scary and deep and the fact that it's with you forever, oh my god, am I ever gonna be able to function properly? It does change. It's like I've said so far in this episode, the thing is like the love, it's the love. You walk through the storm and you just, you allow yourself to feel all the things. You allow yourself to have that sob sesh when it comes to you randomly because that is grief. That is releasing the pain. And it's not that my heart hardens over. If anything, my heart expands. Because there's the love that we had for Luna and now there's just the pride and the joy that we got to love Luna. Another thing getting me through this is the fact that I know me and Stan never took her for granted. We were so obsessed with our dog, constantly loving on her, constantly just, Oh, oh God, I hate to even admit this on the pod because I know I've got a few colleagues that listen to it from my, my, my job. But, I don't know how many times I get up from my desk just to go love on that dog. Give her a kiss, give her a smooch, give her a little pat, give her a little scratchy. Stop, stand, mid sales call, just be like, Stan, look, look! Look at our baby! She's so cute! Doing the face that she's made a thousand times. And I have found comfort in that. Yeah, it breaks my heart, but God, we love that baby. Every moment we could take. And it's nice to say that we never took her for granted. So to end this week's episode, I wanted to say the three main things that I have learned from grief. One. Grief changes you. It is chronic, it is not momentary. And do not let anybody make you feel otherwise. Two. Community is everything. Post. Make the post. Make the status. Make the story. Post in the group. Do what you need to do. I'm telling you, the community, the outreach, it helps with the pain. It helps alleviate the heaviness. It doesn't alleviate the grief completely. But it helps you realize that you are going to get through. Even though it is a Category 5 hurricane, there are 17 tornadoes that have touched down, the whole house has seemingly been ripped from the foundation. You have no idea how you're going to survive, or how you're supposed to make it through. But somehow, you're walking and the tornado is missing you. The debris flying by is missing. The hurricane is somehow directing or changing its direction. You are walking a path that even though there is a storm everywhere around you, the path is clear. Community helps, helps with that. The community is the lifeline. The community is the life floats for your drowning. So reach out for it. Reach out for them. Because you need them. And the third and final thing, Grief is love. Sorry, I've gone the whole episode not cried. But yeah, grief is love. How painfully beautiful is that? And here I am crying on my pod and let me tell you, I would still do it all over again. Because the immense joy That she brought, and the life experiences and memories we made were so wonderful and amazing. And, and grew me so much as a person, as an individual, and as a couple with my husband. And, I mean, God, with my mom, and like, just the connections she made with people. I don't know how many people I met, how many great and beautiful friends I have now. Because they asked me, Kay, can I pet your dog? She's beautiful. Grief is love. Luna is love. So, thank you for allowing me to have space today to bring you my perspective on grief. And I know this is, like I said, I will talk about this again. Um, I'm, you know, I would love to do another episode in a couple of months to see how things have shifted and where I'm at. Um, y'all know I'm going to share my life with you, so just be prepared for it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving me the space, the time to grieve. I'm still grieving. It's not over. But to come back with such welcoming, welcoming arms, and you know, I just want to say this leading up to this, you know, I've been talking about all the exciting collabs I've got in the works and the website and this and this and so much momentum and then boom, boom, this bomb went off in my life and imploded things. And of course there was this anxiety of like, Oh no, it's all going to fail. And I was like, I can't even like, I can't even listen to that voice right now. I am so deeply, deeply miserable. And as I have become a little bit more stable and the days have, I don't want to use the word easier, but you know what I mean? Like I'm not sobbing all day. Maybe it's at night. Maybe it's every other day. Who knows? But this, this anxiety that Oh, well, you know, you're feeling a little bit better. You're gonna lose this, you're gonna lose that. Cause it's just, you know, your brain doesn't matter what's going through. Your brain still tries to take you down, it seems. All of those collabs, all of those deals and, and, and, and relationships I've been nurturing, trying to collaborate, connect, work on. It's wild, y'all. Every single person, group that was a part of this, they have reached out in one way or the other. Offering condolences. Hey, I lost my pup last year. I am so, so sorry. Let's reschedule. Can you do it this weekend? We understand what you're going through. Why don't we reschedule to the end of December? Hey, you just take the time you need. That wonderful finance person that I told you about that's going to come on. I had just met her like not even a week. I met her on Monday. I lost Luna on Friday and she said, friend, friend. Oh my heart. breaks for you. Do not worry. Take the time that you need. Oh, I'm gonna about to cry again. And this is kind of goes back to the community, but I am just so grateful for the love and kindness that I have been shown the past two and a half weeks. So be kind. You don't know what people are going through. Give some love. And if you're going through this, know that you are not alone. Even though it feels incredibly isolating. And know that you will get through. It won't ever be over. But it will grow. And it will change. And it will evolve. And it will not evolve into a hardened rock. It will evolve into One of my favorite things to think about change is butterfly. Because, you know, what is a butterfly? The caterpillar to the cocoon to the butterfly. Grief. Right now is a cocoon, and I know that it's going to evolve into a butterfly. And I hope through my perspective and my authenticity and my desire to bring these kind of topics and conversations to the, I won't say to the public, but you know what I mean, to you all, to, to nurture that sense of human emotion and collective grief and support and community. That's what I'm going to do. I'm going to share it. I'm going to share that butterfly, because That is what Luna is. Luna is, was, always will be, and continues on to be a butterfly. So thank you for joining me today on this week's InBetween. And, uh, just to say, um, I will be posting the invite to the Vision Board party this week with this episode. Um, that is still happening and I'm very excited. It's gonna be January 6th, 11:00 AM to 2:00 PM Eastern Time. So please put that on your calendars. If you're in the Atlanta area, it's gonna be in West Midtown, so I would love for you to join us. And I am gonna have a virtual aspect, which I will share that information as well to register, but, uh, very excited. Something to look forward to which I have definitely felt guilty about because I'm like Part of me just thinks I'm not allowed to be happy in the moment. That's that goes up and down. I won't lie, but um Nothing to be guilty over because also I tell myself Luna all she wanted was for us to be happy She was so happy and she just wanted to emote happiness and make us happy and just again love love love love love And so I'm going to fight my anxiety of feeling guilty for Because the guilt doesn't need to exist, but it's there, but feeling guilty to look forward to something. I'm going to tell myself, but that's what she would have wanted. She would have wanted me to do the damn thing and take this, this thing as big as I know is it's going to get. So I'm going to do that in her honor. So I'd love for you to join us at the vision board party, the in between vision board party on January 6th, 11 to two. And, uh, Hug your fur babies a little bit tighter, hug your babies a little bit tighter, your friends, your family, your lover, hug everyone a little bit tighter. Life is momentary, it feels exhausting, but it really is just a blip and it is incredible to exist even for this blip and to experience the levels and depth to which we do. Existing is tough and scary and horrible, but God, it's also beautiful. I know that sounds cheesy, but I'm gonna take this gift of life, I'm gonna learn and grow from it, and I'm just gonna share my experiences and hope that you, you can too, and you can resonate with that as well. And live your life fully, authentically, beautifully, the good, the bad, take it all. Because remember, There would be no grief if there weren't love. Thank you for joining me on this week's InBetween, I deeply, deeply, deeply appreciate it. And uh, if you aren't doing so already, you can follow me on Instagram at in. betweenpod or at elizabethcheney_ underscore. You can also follow me on YouTube at Podcast. And yeah, we're going to get through this together. Whether it's my story, whether it's your story, we're going to get through it. So, I love you, I appreciate you more than you could ever know, and I will see you next week on an all new InBetween. I'm Elizabeth. See ya!