After a year and a half, I FINALLY brought on the myth, the legend, my mother, Cindy Cheney! We cover a lot of ground in this week's in-between, from getting to know my mother and our relationship, some pretty sound parenting advice, if I say so myself, and next year being our Butterfly Year. Momma Cindy has always represented what's good in the world, and I believe I wouldn't be doing this career if it weren't for her.
In this week's episode:
This episode is very special to me, as I am so lucky that I have a mother who supports me in this wild adventure. I hope you enjoy getting to know a little more about me and my biggest rock throughout every single one of life's in-betweens.
Connect with me:
https://in-between.co
@in.betweenpod on Instagram
@elizabethcheney_ on Instagram
@theinbetweenpodcast on TikTok
The In-Between Podcast on YouTube
After a year and a half, I FINALLY brought on the myth, the legend, my mother, Cindy Cheney! We cover a lot of ground in this week's in-between, from getting to know my mother and our relationship, some pretty sound parenting advice, if I say so myself, and next year being our Butterfly Year. Momma Cindy has always represented what's good in the world, and I believe I wouldn't be doing this career if it weren't for her.
In this week's episode:
This episode is very special to me, as I am so lucky that I have a mother who supports me in this wild adventure. I hope you enjoy getting to know a little more about me and my biggest rock throughout every single one of life's in-betweens.
Connect with me:
https://in-between.co
@in.betweenpod on Instagram
@elizabethcheney_ on Instagram
@theinbetweenpodcast on TikTok
The In-Between Podcast on YouTube
Hello. Hello, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of the in between podcast. I'm your host Elizabeth Cheney. And before I introduce today's extremely, extremely special VIP guest, uh, I just want to say thank you to everyone who reached out after last week's episode. Um, I'm very proud of that episode. I will be honest. It took a lot out of me to do that episode about grief and losing Luna. And although I may sound okay right now, Understand that I am definitely still grieving and going through it, and that's just part of the process, but we put one foot in front of the other, and that's how we keep moving forward. I want to take a moment to say thank you for all of the incredibly kind words. Everyone who reached out sent me a message. I mean, I am forever grateful. Forever touched by this community. It really helps with the grief process and so Yeah, I just wanted to take a second to say that because it really really meant a lot to me, but anywho moving forward which maybe that's gonna be the theme for my 2024 year moving forward now that I say that so moving forward I would like to introduce somebody very special and dear to me One, if you've met her, then you know she's a saint. If you've met her, you know that she is nothing but good. It's almost weird how good she is. But she is my, one of my best friends. My, what am I trying to say here? You rock. My go to queen. My biggest cheerleader. And honestly, sometimes the biggest thorn in my side. But hey, that's what it is. But everyone give a warm welcome to my mother, Cindy.
Cindy:Merry Christmas, everybody.
Elizabeth:Yeah, happy holidays. This will, this will be, yeah, this will be out the week before Christmas. So, welcome to the pod. It's long overdue.
Cindy:I'm, I am happy to be here.
Elizabeth:Yes. Didn't know if we were going to get here tonight. It was a little, little, little go, little stop and go there for a second. But we got here. We got
Cindy:here. I had my nap. I'm good. We'll see if we
Elizabeth:get partway through when she starts snoring. But, um, I guess, is that just an old person thing, mom? You just reach a certain age and you just
Cindy:So,
Elizabeth:how does it feel to be on the pod? How does it feel to hear your voice in the headphones? It's pretty cool.
Cindy:It's pretty cool. It's nice to hear your voice. It's like, wow. She's really doing this right in front of me.
Elizabeth:Right. It's kind of crazy once you get all the equipment together. And for those listening, this episode's not on, uh, YouTube today. Part of it's just that, you know, this space does not have the setup. And I also forgot my light. Um, but that's okay. And I'm in my pajamas. Oh yeah. You can't film a woman and her, her skivvies. I'm just kidding. Don't worry. My mother's not her. Skivvies. ugh. But anyways, um, yeah, so you're a pretty awesome mom, I think anybody who's met you would agree. Uh, you were always one of the go to moms, like growing up with our front, my front, our friends, our combined front group. You were always the go to mom within my friend group. And I, I always say that I feel like I am a good mix of you and Nana. Nana is feisty as hell, I mean, she's a little redhead after all, but she's feisty, stubborn. All of those things. And not that you're not confident in all of that, but you have this goodness about you and just kind hearted, pure heartedness. And I feel like, especially here lately, I've been kind of introspecting on that. That's pretty much how my personality came to be. I think I'm a good ying and yang of both of you. I think so too. Yeah. So, anyways, I know it's like your first big episode, your grand reveal. Um, do you feel any pressure? Do you feel overwhelmed? Not at
Cindy:all. No, not at all. Yeah? After all, I'm Elizabeth's mom. That's my professional name. As long as you still have your identity, though. Well, so many people when I, when you were going through acting classes and you were about 14, 15, and I would introduce myself as, well, I'm Elizabeth's mom, and we were meeting actors and teachers from L. A. I said, oh, well, you have to have a name, too. I said, well, when you see a picture of Brittany and her mother, do they list Brittany's mother's name or is it Brittany and Brittany's mom? And I said, so I'm just getting ready. I'm Elizabeth's mom.
Elizabeth:I think you're referring to Britney Spears. I was. Womp womp, that didn't age too well, did it?
Cindy:Yeah, but still back in the day it was Britney's mom. True. True, true,
Elizabeth:true. Elizabeth's mom. Anywho, with that said, let's get into today's episode. So I thought we could kind of look back on the year that we've had because we've both had, especially you've had a transformational year, but if anything, With the transformational years we've had, it's more so just what we're preparing for for next year. Um, we lost Luna. That was, um, Hard. Yeah, for lack of better words. Shitty. Horrible. Still processing that one. Let's see. I got to travel over the world. You sold your house at the end of last year, right? Was it last year? When did you sell your
Cindy:house? Beginning of 2022. Okay. Or the end of 2021. It's right there, like December 30th. Okay,
Elizabeth:so you know what? Rather than just this year, we'll just reflect on the past couple of years. So you sold your house because I keep telling everyone Cindy is getting ready for Cindy 2. 0. You are getting ready for a huge life
Cindy:change. I told everybody this is this is my butterfly
Elizabeth:year. Oh Love that. I love that 2024. Yes. Yes. I feel that too I love you said butterfly because I did not prompt you for that and that is something that I use as a metaphor all The time so I love that love that So I think I've talked about this on the pot a little bit I know I've talked about all my car accident PTSD and all that shit But my mother and I were in a car accident when I was very young. I was two and a half and For the too long didn't read version of that story is my mother Became handicapped after that car accident my mother. I'm talking about you like third person You're right in front of me and I know that brought in a unique perspective and experience growing up You know being raised by a single mother who was also handicapped which you're amazing and badass and all of the things so I'm just like Giving you more clout for how incredible you
Cindy:are. Well, I mean, let me just add in there that Because of my handicap and because of the accident I as a parent couldn't make the cliche phrase Well, I can do it better myself just get out of here which a lot of kids your age heard from their parents because People my age when they were young and having babies were impatient Mm hmm, and they had too much to do and it was just like, you know, let me just get this done Just get out of here. So by the time you were a young teenager you were helping out in the house and doing things and being productive and From the parents they were coming going. How did you get Elizabeth to do that? I said well when she was three, I didn't tell her I could do it better than her because I couldn't. You said work bitch I'm just kidding. No, actually one of the cute things we did is I couldn't bend over and touch my feet or touch the ground. So Elizabeth had to pick everything up. That was little that was dropped, but we would mop the kitchen floor. I would spray a spot and She would she would point them out. Here's one mom And I would use my foot to move the the rag over the spot and get it done And then she'd walk and go here's another one and we we'd work together until we got the floor cleaned
Elizabeth:And that's how you do it. Yeah And maybe, maybe one day you can come on the pod and we can talk about just, because I would love to have an episode talking about handicap and chronic pain, like a whole episode kind of around that. We can talk about that later, but thank you for sharing that because I, I think we did have a unique relationship because of that. You know what I mean? And I don't mean it like it was weird and it was like, you know, those relationships We were like that's a little too close that mom and daughter a little too close. Like I would say we are very close We're best friends, but it is still like you're my mother. Oh, yeah, you know And that's not just say that I haven't gotten sassy and I don't think I know more than you sometimes I still have that
Cindy:problem. Well, you read more than me. So maybe you are Ah,
Elizabeth:pssh, nah, um, well maybe I am, no, I'm just kidding. But, I think, if anything, I think the single, being a single mom is what enabled the relationship that we have. But anyways, the point I was trying to make, or the direction I was going with this is, so my mom's handicapped, we're a team, that's how it be, and the past couple years, you are like, I'm gonna change my life. Because how, what was the news that you got? It was about your hips, right? And that is that when things started changing?
Cindy:Actually, it was about six years ago. I had this weird pain on the right side. All my injuries from the car accident were the left. And I had accepted my lack of range of motion and inabilities on that side as, oh well, that's just my life. Then all of a sudden, on the right, I'm getting this phantom pain and I went through all kinds of things. I ended up having a hysterectomy. Um, I got all kinds of tests done and every, they came up with all kinds of crazy reasons why I had this phantom pain. I thought it was a hernia and when I finally got, um, Real doctor to examine me and talk to me about it. He said no, this is this isn't a hernia He said this is your hip and sent me to the orthopedic and they took x rays and said oh, yeah You need a hip replacement. Well, I already knew I need one on the left side now. I need one on the right and This was this was over a period of time and I had gained Almost a hundred pounds in that six years because slowly I started getting to the point where I, I had a hard time walking and it's hard to get on a treadmill when three steps and you're ready to, you're in so much pain. You're like, okay, I'm
Elizabeth:done. And for anybody who suffers from chronic pain, you know exactly that feeling.
Cindy:So from there I Started struggling with trying to lose weight because the doctor said you have to drop 120 pounds before I'll do surgery. Okay, easy. You know, it sounds like it's gonna be easy. 100 pounds, right? Yeah, just snap. That's done. Well, not so much. So for over a year, I kept, I kept trying. But due to my inability to really move, I, I wasn't successful so I made the decision to have a bypass surgery. And you got that
Elizabeth:done in July?
Cindy:July 3rd of this year. I dropped a little bit of weight just before prepping for it and then and it was funny because psychologically just having it on the books released a lot of anxiety that was holding me back. But do you
Elizabeth:have resistance to schedule the surgery? The bypass?
Cindy:No. And since July, I'm down over a hundred pounds. Hell
Elizabeth:yeah. Yes, you are. So you get this news that you could essentially get rid of what causes most of your handicap. That's in your
Cindy:hips. Yes. Cause the doctor said it's possible to correct the problems I have on the left side where I can't touch my foot or the ground and get that leg to rotate. To where I can maybe squat or do other things. Go on the
Elizabeth:ground, things like that. So, really what we're getting to and building up towards is, she was kind of in this stuck situation, and then boom, you get told, hey, we could change your life. You gotta lose a little bit of weight, which is also life changing. And, uh, as you started like, kind of marinating on these things and moving closer to them, I started seeing this like, confidence, not that you're not confident, but it was like, You had a plan and I've never seen you so self assured in that and it's like it's not that your personality has changed at all Like you're like a new different person, but you're a woman who's like hell. Yeah, I'm gonna do
Cindy:this Yeah, now in the last couple of years, you've taken me to a couple of ballgames at Truist Park For my birthday and the first year I had to sit on the edge of the seat Because I was too big to sit back The second year I was able to sit back, but it was a little uncomfortable because of my hips. And I went to a basketball game after that and was able to sit even better and didn't feel claustrophobic with the people around me, which is nice. And I can't wait until Maybe next, I might go to another basketball game this next year or a baseball game in the summer and a basketball game in the fall and just feel like I have my own space in my seat. Hmm, and I'm looking forward to
Elizabeth:that. I love that. So many wonderful things. We're gonna go on trips, all
Cindy:of this stuff. Yeah, I used to have to get an extender belt whenever I flew and uh, it'll be nice to be able to get, get in there and I couldn't, in my little pouch, I couldn't put the tray table down. So I had to borrow somebody else's tray. I had to make sure I traveled with somebody or I couldn't use a tray table. But you know what? God puts you by good people. I have sat in first class and not be able to use my tray table and the person next to me said, Oh, hey. Put your thing right here. We'll share. Mm hmm. Yeah, so it was always really
Elizabeth:nice. That is so nice. And there's nothing wrong with needing extenders.
Cindy:No, no, no, absolutely. I'm glad they have them there because it makes it a little less embarrassing that you can't buckle up.
Elizabeth:Well, it's, uh, you know, we don't have to turn this conversation into like weight and fat shaming and all of that horrible stuff. But I will say with growing up with you being handicapped and being a little bit bigger, I mean maybe like It's a different perspective and I'm very protective over you. I'm very protective over people who fat shame or anything like that because you just, you don't know everyone's story. Like you literally were physically unable to do it. You were dealing with chronic pain and after my car accident I freaking know chronic pain. I've had conversations with other friends about chronic pain and it's so sad because chronic pain, you just get used to keeping it. Quiet. You get used to just being quiet about it because, well, how you doing? Oh, my shoulder and neck are just really killing me again. God dang, you're annoying. And it just, I don't know, society and plus women, we're strong as hell and we have a high tolerance for pain and you just keep suppressing, suppressing, suppressing and I don't know. I'm not trying to ramble too much on it, but just to say,
Cindy:well, you're right. You're right. Because at work, you know, I get asked by my customers at least 50 times a day, well, how are you doing today? What do you want me to do? We'd be honest. Yeah. Today's a crappy day. Yeah. I didn't want to get out of bed and didn't want to come to work, but I knew you were going to be here to mail a package and buy some stamps, so I decided I better show up and help you. But the truth be told, I'm sitting here on this stool and I feel like I got a rod in my tail. Yeah,
Elizabeth:that's, I was on a meeting today on, uh, not Zoom, was it Teams? And I'm just sitting there, I can feel my neck, it just is so tight and it feels like there's a rod stuck up my neck and I can't move it. And it's just like, here we are talking about promo tchotchkes for the next year, for the next conference, the next expo, and I'm just, I'm slowly dying.
Cindy:And if somebody says, how are you? You go, oh, I'm fine. Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine, I'm good.
Elizabeth:Because society just expects you to be okay. Like, it's the same thing with grief. It's like what I talked about last week. You know, grief, the people, I don't want to say people, but society expects you to move on, move forward, and, and get over it. And it's like, no, that's a long lasting thing that you carry. I'm not trying to compare chronic pain to grief like that, but you know what I'm trying to say? It's just society needs to be more gentle to people. We're all fighting our own silent battles. We're all dealing with our own bullshit.
Cindy:Actually, society needs to be in less fear of knowing what people are going through. I think they're afraid to, I want to know you're okay, because
Elizabeth:I'm uncomfortable knowing it's the opposite. I'm
Cindy:uncomfortable with you waiting on me. I have people, I have to get up and go get supplies behind me and when I first stand, I kind of limp a little harder than I do. Oh, I didn't mean to make you get up. No, it's okay. You know, I got to move. You know, sitting is not good for me. Moving is just, it's part of it and they feel bad. I'm like, no, don't feel bad. It's just, it's okay. Right. But, you know, people are, they, they don't, they don't want to feel your anguish and, and all that. And, and some of these people have their own painful things. Right. And it's the same with grief. People don't want to, they don't want to face it because it's like, I don't want to hear about you grieving still because it makes me sad. And I can't process that. I can't handle it. Right. And that's unfair.
Elizabeth:So maybe society needs to be more
Cindy:empathetic. Yeah, empathetic and sympathetic. I agree.
Elizabeth:I totally agree with that. So we're trying to hear the in between. First, we're trying to laugh, we're trying to be funny, talk about real shit, but also like really just love yourself and love your fellow person. Right.
Cindy:And it's, it's like, um, you know, don't, don't judge so quick that you miss the story. You know, you see the family sitting over there, oh, they've been here. There was a woman outside the post office with her small two children asking for help. Well, it's federal property. It's really, it's, it's illegal for her to be there doing that. I mean she could go out in front of Walmart and not have any persecution kind of thing, but being on federal property there are serious laws about pandering and all that stuff in the lobby and on the property. All my employees, you know, my co workers were freaking out like, what are we gonna do? What are we gonna do? And I made a call and to one of my other co workers and I said give me a number to someone. I walked outside with it written on a piece of paper and I explained to this woman. I said unfortunately, You can't be here because it's illegal because we're considered a federal operation. I said, however, I have a number here. I want you to call this woman. She will help you. She has many resources to help someone in your situation. She was so grateful and so thankful. And she said, I'm going to call her right now. I said, okay. I said, well, you have a great day. I said, I hope everything turns around for you. And I go back in and they go, what did you say to her?
Elizabeth:And you're like, I had a small act
Cindy:of kindness. I said, I gave her a phone number, told her to call someone for help.
Elizabeth:Small acts of kindness. And then they were
Cindy:like, Oh, I didn't even think of that. That's it. You weren't thinking. You were just judging. Well, I
Elizabeth:mean, you're right, like, it's, and I, I'm not going to sit here and act like I've never judged people. I mean, I think we all have.
Cindy:But at the same time, you've seen people in situations, and you went to Chick fil A and bought a family of food, even though when you came back, they were gone, you still You had the thought to, well, I'm. Oh, I do
Elizabeth:remember that.
Cindy:Yeah. And see, I taught you, you know, if you're not hungry, somebody, everybody else shouldn't be around you. There was
Elizabeth:a family like hiding in my parking deck in my former apartment. Really bad weather. It was like a really bad storm. And they had two small children and there was a Chick fil A right next to my apartment complex. And I just felt the calling. I was like, stay right here. I'll be right back. And I went and got them food. Yeah, I think I ended up giving it to homeless people. Yeah,
Cindy:because they, they moved on and you were like so upset because you, you were trying to finish your good deed and couldn't do it.
Elizabeth:So I went and found, the one thing about the city is, you know, you're going to find a hungry, a hungry belly eventually, so the food did get you put to good use, but, and who knows, maybe they were, that was what was meant to happen, was I was supposed to give that to somebody else. I don't know. It's possible. It's possible. The whole point being, you shouldn't judge people. You don't know what people are going through and this is not, I didn't intend for this to piggyback on last week's episode about grief, but it's a similar premise. You do not know what people are going through. So here my mom, she is the most incredible, lovely woman, but because of her handicap or weight or this or that, I know that you've been judged, misjudged or stereotyped. And, and again, I am very protective. So obviously I will cut a motherfucker.
Cindy:The most common thing I heard is, well, you know, if you could lose weight. You would feel better. It's like no shit. And I've dropped a hundred pounds and I'm here to say I hurt like the dickens because now when I said I have no cushion to protect my bones and because my bones are still really messed up and painful, um, now my pain's incredibly greater. Now, once I have surgery, I'm hoping that all turns around because I've already had my shoulder replaced and I'm here to say it don't hurt. So I'm ready to become what I call the bionic woman.
Elizabeth:Okay. So let's talk about that. So transformational year next year is going to be a big year for you. And you were telling me before we started recording that you feel that, yes. And you're going to get both hips replaced. You got big goals. What, what are you most excited about and not even just getting your hips replaced and having the physical ability to do things that you haven't done in gosh, how many years?
Cindy:30? 30. Gosh. 30. 2023 was 30 years since our car
Elizabeth:accident. You've been dealing with this shit since then. That's crazy.
Cindy:Uh, the biggest thing, uh, I want to scratch the bottom of my left foot. I know that sounds silly, right? You know, people look at me and, uh, I used to, when I would get pedicures, Oh, you got a pedicure. Oh, that must be nice. I look at them and I go, yeah, can you touch your feet? Cause I can't. Must be nice. And I mean, I try not to be too cynical about it, but it's like most people don't realize, you know, I look fine. I mean, my best friend at work had to tell everybody, you do realize that Cynthia is, that's what they call me at work. She's handicapped. And they were like, no. We didn't know that because I hit it really well.
Elizabeth:Women are incredible. You know, if you were, if that was a man, he'd be milking that
Cindy:shit. Well, I had a, I had a supervisor tell me just a couple of months ago, cause I'm walking in on my cane and you know, wincing every time I move. Cause it hurts so bad. And she said, Oh my goodness. I know people that have stubbed their toe and not come to work. And you come to work every day like this. And I said, well, yeah, I mean, that's the work ethic that I was driven in me as from my father and my mother is. You know, if I'm not dead or dying, it's like, I gotta go to work. I'm telling you,
Elizabeth:the tolerance of pain women have is just incredible. It constantly blows my mind, and yet, Ugh, society is run by men. Anyways, that's a different conversation for
Cindy:another day. Oh please, yes, another day, another day.
Elizabeth:She's like, let's not go on that soapbox. Um, but, with that said, Another thing that I want to kind of call out that I think makes this transition this transformation So beautiful is you've never let your handicap and all of your physical ailments and things like that Like hold you back. I mean, yes, there are actual holdbacks as you can only do physically so much But you always did as much as you possibly could and I think that's very powerful and very inspiring When
Cindy:you were young I took you ice skating and I ice skated with you. We went roller bleeding. Although when you tried to fall, I said, don't, don't grab me. Cause if I fall, we're never getting up. Um, I got on a skateboard with you. I got on a scooter with you, not so much with you, but you know, playing in the yard with you. I tried to do everything, ride a bike, even though I can't do any of that. Now I wanted you to have that experience that. We did it. Even if we only did it one time. Because I know parents that I'm just too fat to get in the pool with my son and daughter. And it's like, what do you mean? You're not fat. Hey, I'm bigger than you. Get in the water. Make some memories with your kids. Have some fun. They're only gonna be children for a very short period of time in their life. And if you don't take the opportunity to instill some fun memories. You know, you're never going to get that opportunity back again and you know, whether it was a slumber party with, you know, 30 girls sleeping in my entire house where I couldn't walk anywhere or, um, a bunch of kids in the backyard with tents that look like they were castles. Oh yeah. Um, you know, it was all about having a good time and a good fun time. Yeah. You know, I was the cool mom. Until I wasn't. So, you know,
Elizabeth:you're always a cool mom. I always jokingly say I sheltered myself. Because you were not a helicopter mom.
Cindy:No, but you told your friends when everybody wanted to sneak out and go to Waffle House, and you showed up. They were like, Elizabeth, I can't believe you came. I can't believe you snuck out. You said, I didn't sneak out. I told my mother where I was going. I said, I asked her if it was okay, and she said, fine, just text me. Because my mom will wake up.
Elizabeth:Yeah, you're a light sleeper. That's for sure. There's no getting any shenanigans past you, but then again I wasn't doing such shenanigans cuz like I said, I sheltered myself.
Cindy:Well, you knew better. You knew better
Elizabeth:I think but also I the point I'm trying to make here is you were not a stickler of strict rules No, you were a little bit of a hippie like yeah, go do your thing but like I didn't do my thing cuz I don't know, and maybe this comes to the, the relationship we have with each other, the trust we have with each other. I also was just really scared of the world. Thanks Nana.
Cindy:That is true. That is true. You did have a little fear for that.
Elizabeth:What were we talking about last night? And you were like, Oh, you used to say blah, blah, blah. And I looked at you and I was like, and you never once thought your daughter had anxiety.
Cindy:Oh, um, what was that? It was funny. It was something to do with. You were, oh, you were always worried about me, like, Mama, are you gonna die? I'm like, not, I'm not gonna die. I'm, I'm okay, you know. Yeah,
Elizabeth:everything was always like zoomed
Cindy:in. I think, I think though, I didn't realize it, but there was probably a fear of abandonment there and you thought I was, I might leave you.
Elizabeth:I mean, I did watch Dumbo, like talk about core memories. I remember being like a toddler when you were going through all your hospital stuff after the car accident and watching Dumbo, which I think I've really only seen it. Like, the one time, because those core memories stuck with me so hard. But, like, if anyone's seen Dumbo, the mama elephant gets in trouble for protecting Dumbo, and she gets, like, locked up, and there's a scene where he's, like, getting rocked by her outside her jail cell, and I don't know why that stuck with me, but I identified it with
Cindy:Dumbo. Yeah, because I was, I was far away from you and, and you felt like I was trapped.
Elizabeth:So maybe I sheltered myself because I was scared to leave you. Hmm. Wow. That's actually something I've never thought about,
Cindy:but don't, don't think she never misbehaved people because it did happen. I was perfect. Yeah, whatever.
Elizabeth:Uh, yeah. Well, I am a triple Taurus and have a mouth on me, so I know that got me in trouble more times than once. So the only time you ever hit me was when I mouthed off,
Cindy:right? And you blocked it. So, that was good, because I told her, I said, okay, first of all, good block. Second of all, don't ever speak to me like that again. I was a pretty good kid. Yeah, you were. I was pretty good. And you were smart, too. So, I think the biggest thing is I tried to push you out of your fears, and sometimes you would get upset that, you know, I was being a little too pushy.
Elizabeth:But I'm glad you did it. Looking back on it, I don't know if I could have done this whole podcast and this career I'm trying to build if you hadn't. You've always believed in me, and that's one thing I'm so grateful for because as I've gotten older, I went through college, I've met more people. Not everyone has a solid family. Not everyone has the support that I get from you and like of course I got Nan and Aunt Carol and everybody but You are like, you are a cheerleader. You are a supportive mom. And I know that we've had conversations where I, we've talked about like, you know, I don't want you to lose your identity in being my mother.
Cindy:Yes. But at the same time, I nurtured you and supported you and at times even had to pull the reins on your grandmother and say, let her work this out. It's like, I trust, I trust she will figure this out on her own. And there was a situation with a boy and Nana didn't like him and I said, I said, keep your mouth shut. I said, cause she will, she'll figure it out. And when she came to me and she said, what do you think mom? Oh, my opportunity. And instead of saying, I don't like him. And in making her defense, try to defend him because now, I said, well, he kind of reminds me of your father, and I, and, but I referenced him his name and I said, I feel like he's your dude, basically, that is going to hold you back and keep you down and, and keep you running around a merry go round. And it, it, it's like a hitter. And she was like, I'm done. And she pushed that guy aside and moved on to greater and better things. And now she has this husband that I really like. And I know you guys have met him and we love Stan. He's definitely my favorite son in law. So that's, that's a good thing. And he's, he's very generous with taking care of me. He, he sees my needs, not just as a, an older woman, but an older woman that has Definite handicaps as Elizabeth calls it, and he, he, no matter what I ask, yeah, he jumps up, I'll get it, I'll pick it up, I'll, I'll reach for it, I'll do whatever, and, and it's nice having someone like that around, so, I gotta put my props out to My boy Stan. He's a good boy. He's a good boy. Yeah, he's
Elizabeth:a great boy. He's awesome. So speaking of love, uh, not to talk about, you know, the birth father, that's like a whole other episode that maybe I should do some more, uh, therapy work on first, but I, I do have a question. So, you know, you didn't really date me. You didn't date me, but you didn't really date with, as I grew up, man, you had like a few people that you, you saw throughout my life. But, um, now that you are in this, you're about to step into this transformational year, you feel the momentum, um, I think we're both about to have super transformational years. I know for me, losing Luna, being so, being what it is, as incredibly difficult as it is, I have been feeling this momentum towards all the things that I've been working towards and all these goals that I've been crushing and building up for the podcast for 2024. I feel like you similarly. have been this, there's been this momentum with you and your physical transformation. Um, I'm not trying to say that you're not having an, a internal transformation. Like I feel like I really have, but you have, of course, but yours is definitely more physical. Mine's more external. Cause, um, you've always known who you were, which is a beautiful thing about you. And I do think that's helped guide me. I called you what my North star, my guiding star. And, um, I. I feel about we're gonna both have very transformational years and I just want to know as you go through this with the hips and everything Do are you gonna open yourself up for love again? Are you gonna try to put yourself out there? I know that's very scary.
Cindy:Well, yes, it is scary. I don't know that I don't put myself out there Um, it's, it's not that I'm, I guess it's, I should say it's not that I got the door shut, but I'm just not standing by it waiting to see somebody walk in. Um, I, yeah, I hope that when my ailments are behind me, I can become more social and active and different things and who knows who I'll meet. And yeah, I feel like I'll be open to experiencing that. I took being a mother. Very serious. And when you were first born and your father disappeared, everybody thought that I was just hung up on him. And I was like, no, actually I'm hung up on her. And right now I'm bonding with her. This is when you were a tiny little baby. And I said, I can't bond with her and bond with a new man. It's not possible. Somebody has to, somebody's going to lose. So, I'm bonding with her. I had already bonded with her father, so it's just, it's an ongoing relationship if he was in the picture. And I, I consciously made the choice to be a mom first, because I'd always thought that that was a very important job. When I was 16, a kid asked me, he goes, well, you don't drink and you don't do drugs. Why? And I looked at him and at 16, I just, you know, one of those things where people say something and the first thing that pops out of your mouth. I just looked at him and I said, cause someday I'm going to have a baby and I don't want any of this stuff in my body to affect her or him when they're in their development. Well, I
Elizabeth:apologize to my future children.
Cindy:Well, who's to say that it will? It's just, it was just something in my head that, you know, I had to be, I had to be perfect. I couldn't drink, I couldn't do drugs, I couldn't smoke, you know, because, you know, I needed to protect that and I unfortunately was only able to have one child. I thought I'd have a dozen. Oh, and I think I would have been a good mom of a dozen. Oh, you would have been for
Elizabeth:sure. Um, that would have sucked for me, but I'm just
Cindy:kidding, it would have changed you a little bit. But no, I think the biggest thing when you have more than one child is first making sure that you identify each child differently and second being patient and not assuming that the situation at hand is really what it is. And ask some questions. And when I would come into a situation, somebody was crying, you know, instead of turning to the child that's not crying, go, what did you do? Why did, why is he crying? What did you do? Like, well, I didn't do nothing. He did it all himself. You know, I come in and say, why is he crying? That's the real question. And then I would pick apart a situation and say, oh, you're, you're so good with the kids. I listened to him. That's all that matters.
Elizabeth:The one thing you told me is say what you mean, mean what you say.
Cindy:Absolutely. That's my theme. That's my theme. If you promise to take them shopping and you go to your grandmother's house and decide to jump on the trampoline for an extra half hour and now it's too late to go shopping, you don't say, well, it's your fault. You, you decided to jump on the trampoline. No, what you say is, I know I promised you I would take you shopping, Nana's a little later and it's kind of late for mommy to be out shopping. I really need to get home and get my stuff done for work tomorrow. How about we do it tomorrow? I, my answer, what I got back in reply was, Oh yeah, no problem. So I didn't diminish Elizabeth because she made a choice to play in the moment. I mean, she was a little kid. And it also
Elizabeth:added to the integrity, you know, of our relationship. Like, I think it also taught me those values of not being sneaky and manipulative. And condescending and things
Cindy:like that. Yeah, because if I said I was going to do it, then I did it. We had a big party plan, your birthday, my housewarming. Everything was coming along. And then like most kids. At that age, she gets a little sassy and all of a sudden she thinks, Hey, I'm having this great party. There is nothing you can do to me because I'm still having this party. A lot of parents will go, if you, if you don't act right, I'm canceling your party. Well, first of all, after you've done dropped 500 on supplies and stuff, you're not canceling a party, especially when your friends are coming. Yeah. So that's an empty threat. And that's my whole premise. So I looked at her and I said, look, I'm not canceling the party. But if you don't stop misbehaving as soon as the party's over, I'm going to find some punishment for you. And when you talk about a child transforming in a second, no mom, I'm sorry, what do you need me to do? I was just playing because it was a real threat. And that's my whole premise behind say what you mean, mean what you say. Don't give empty promises. Don't give empty threats. And what you develop is a depth of trust, I was going to say, yeah, that you can't be broken. And respect. Yeah, it can't be broken.
Elizabeth:So I guess you guys didn't know you're gonna get some really awesome parenting advice, but really, um, I know I wouldn't be who I am today if it weren't for you. I appreciate you saying that. I feel like I've been given your light and I'm just gonna make it brighter.
Cindy:That's what I want
Elizabeth:you to do. And I don't mean that like a diss. No, it's not a diss. But you know what I mean. It's
Cindy:not a diss. It's not a diss. You know, you, you see stories and people go, well, you know, I, I was never able to have these toys. I was never able to have these things or go on these trips or go to this school. So I wanted to do all this for my child so they could have the things I couldn't. Yeah. And sometimes it's too much. And you spoil the child, well, but the premise is you want to give them the light that you have so that they can go on and make it brighter and do more with it. So no, that's, that's the whole, that's, that's the dream. Aw, you gonna make me
Elizabeth:cry. That's so sweet. Well, I mean, like I said, I know I wouldn't be able to do it without you and I wouldn't, like it is your influence for sure. And so hopefully as we both step into. 2024 being what I do believe is going to be a huge transformational year for you. Oh yeah. And especially physically and that's not like, let's not downplay that physical part. Like after everything we just said and began this episode, the first part of this episode, like the physical transformation is going to be monumental. Yes. Cause you're going to be able to do things that you haven't been able to do in 30 years. I know. That's insane. Like when I think about that, like that is. incredible. And I am going to have this, this personal brand. I just, I can't tell you exactly what's going to happen, but I've got so many things in the works and I just feel the momentum and I'm just riding it. Yeah. And I'm going to walk out
Cindy:without a cane on stage and go, welcome everybody to Elizabeth Cheney in the in between. Put your hands together. I
Elizabeth:love that. Let's let's let's right now. What day is it? It's December 20th, 2023 marking it right now. Yep. It's gonna happen. It is gonna happen and it's gonna be pretty surreal. But we'll play, we'll play the sound clip when that happens. That'll be my walk, my walk out like Bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop. I don't know. That's my little,
Cindy:that's my little music. No, you have to play the Jamie Summers music for me. You know, like. Who's Jamie Summers? That's the Bionic
Elizabeth:Woman. Oh, I thought you just said that. That's a thing?
Cindy:It was a show back in the
Elizabeth:70s. Oh, like I'm gonna know
Cindy:what that is. The Million Dollar Man and the Bionic Woman. Oh
Elizabeth:yeah. I've heard the Million Dollar Man, but not the Bionic
Cindy:Woman. Yep, yep. She was, uh, she was built as a prototype as well. So you're going to be a prototype? Well no, she was the prototype. I'm going to be the real thing. Ha ha. Okay.
Elizabeth:Fair. Fair. Fair. Fair. Uh, we should go on a trip. Oh yeah. Like once you get through all of this, like we should go on a trip next year or something. Well yeah.
Cindy:I've got my, uh, I'm already getting my travel bag ready. And I bought my little travel sized shampoo the other day. Oh wow, we are three
Elizabeth:steps ahead. Exactly. We got travel sized shampoo, guys. We're about to go, baby. We're about to go. Man, once you get that neck pillow,
Cindy:bets are off. Absolutely. Absolutely.
Elizabeth:Oh god, that's funny as hell. That is so
Cindy:funny. You gotta have that shampoo to go through, uh, the security check. Well, well, well, we're, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Elizabeth:We're, oh my god, I'm getting tongue tied. Well, we're, we're going. You're going to need more than just a carry on. We're going somewhere where our asses are going to be, I don't know, seeing sights, and drinking drinks, and chilling. There you go. Somewhere exotic. That's not America. Okay. When I think of exotic, America does not come to mind. I think of, like, the Caribbean. Or maybe, like, the cliffs of Portugal. Alright. The white buildings of
Cindy:Greece. We could also go to the rodeo in Dallas.
Elizabeth:Oh my god. Okay, exotic, that's where you go. Yeehaw! Although, I'm not gonna lie, your girl loves a good rodeo. Okay? Like, I'm not gonna shit on rodeos. I love rodeos. But, um. I kid.
Cindy:Elizabeth loves bull riding. I
Elizabeth:would say I love bull riding. Oh yes. Well back when I was younger and didn't have as much anxiety, now it stresses me
Cindy:out. We were sitting like 10 feet away from the bulls coming out and they would hit the, hit the cages that were ahead of us. And Elizabeth was just standing there jumping up and down. I was also seven. I know, but you were. You were so thrilled. It's like, it just, it got you so excited. Yeah.
Elizabeth:I was like most every other white girl out there and I loved horses. I was definitely a horse girl. Never had one. We didn't have money for that. Uh, and then I, one of the worst days of my childhood was when I was like 10 or 11. I found out I was allergic to horses. That was devastating. Yeah. Sad times, sad times. That's what Zyrtec is for. Yes, yes. But at the time, my 10 year old self could not, could not fathom that. So, um, but anyways, we've got big plans for next year, you and your journey. I personally hope that you find love. I know you do. And it's not because I am scared for you to be alone. It's none of that. It's just. Because you are such a light and such a joy and such a beautiful person, inside and out, and you've aged frickin fabulously. God, I hope good genes run in our family. Um, I think they do. Hopefully I didn't get, you know, my birth father's genes, because that would suck, because all you and Anna look great. I do want you to experience the kind of love that I know you deserve. I want you to find your Stan. And, um, you know, go travel the world and adventure with them, and then obviously when I have kids, get your ass home and help me. No, I'm just kidding.
Cindy:I'm just kidding. Hey, full disclosure, Elizabeth asked me, uh, several years ago, Mom, I need you to retire. Can you please raise my kids? You did such a good job with me. God, right? I was like, uh, I don't think it works
Elizabeth:that way. I'm like, okay, well, I'm going to wait a few more years. When do you retire? And you're like, 15 years from now. I'm like, well shit, that's, that's a little far. Um, we're getting closer though, but I'll probably have babies before that happens. But we'll
Cindy:see we'll see yeah, we've already discussed a little house in the backyard for me with a
Elizabeth:porch a little carriage house Yeah, absolutely a doggy door. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah puppies. Anyways, um, well, I can't believe I've been doing this a year and a half And this is the first time you've come on but hey, you know what? They always say like you've done it once you do it the first time First time, it's so much easier to keep doing it, right? Like Absolutely. One of the jokes of being, like, with some of me and my friends as, you know, adult friendships, it's like, adult friendships are just every six months going, oh my god, hey, I miss you, we gotta get together, yeah, you too, and then six months later, the same thing. But once you do, do it. It is a lot easier and you will hang out again. So this is just opening the door for more Mama Cindy wisdom and coming on the pod. Um, but I, uh, if you haven't caught on to the theme, I'm very excited for this next year for both of us. Super. Super excited for you. Um, and I love you, and I appreciate you more. I mean, you know how much I appreciate you. Oh, I do. For everyone listening, more than you could possibly know. So much so I could just squeeze you and pop your little eyeballs out. Um, but I won't do that because apparently that's murder, so we can't do that. Oh, that's good. Well, you know, I love you, too. Yeah, and um, I, I hope all of you listening maybe took a note or two, and remember, say what you mean, mean what you say. Anyways, well, you'll have to come back on and give us more, more tips, more wisdoms, more Cynthia. Maybe I'll write
Cindy:my book before I come back. Oh, okay. There
Elizabeth:you go. Well, you're going to come back next week and write that book in a week. I'm just kidding. It's possible. Hey, you never know. You never know. I'm going to write a book one day. One day. Living life in the in between. Living the in between. I also love the name Liz Laughs Loves because I love a funny ass joke. But anyways, that's neither here nor there. That's like five year goals. You know what I mean? Um, but any hizzoo, I'm so glad you came on. Long overdue. Cheers to a very, I'm supposed to write what I'm looking for. Cheers to a year of life experiences. Lessons learned, some crap, some talking about Luna, and, and just Oh, you mean this past year? Yeah. Okay. I'm saying cheers to the past year teaching us Some hard lessons and teaching us how to cope with heavy heavy life experiences and growing through those and Cheers to looking forward moving forward to next year and living our butterfly year And I just again want to say I think it's so great that you said that because I have been thinking of this next year For myself as my butterfly year. Oh, yeah.
Cindy:There you go. So and as difficult as It has been dealing with Luna's passing. I think, especially with the episode you did last week, that you've already impacted and touched so many people. And it's not to say that she had to pass to make that happen, but you're turning this ugly feeling and experience into something positive and good that helps other people. And it, it brings a legacy to Luna beyond her years. Which is beautiful. Because she was
Elizabeth:remarkable. She was remarkable. The only reason I'm not crying right now is because I've cried so much this week, so. Oh my goodness. Well, thank you for joining me in the in between. for having me. Do you have any parting words for the, for anybody closing out the year? Maybe they had a shit year, maybe they had the best year, maybe they were just ready for it to be over and looking forward to 2024. What are your parting words to the in between peoples?
Cindy:Hey, step one foot in front of the other and keep on truckin Don't give up. No, don't give up and you know, don't settle today. This year might've been a great year, but that doesn't mean next year can't be better. Don't settle. Amen to that.
Elizabeth:I love it. Well, that is about all we wrote for today. That's for sure. So everyone listening. Thank you for joining us. I do want to put my, uh, put my, shoot my shot one more last time about that vision board party. It's happening January 6th. Mom, you're gonna be there. Yes, I will. For those who are local, you can come meet Mama Cindy. Registration is In the link in bio on both my Instagram profiles, the podcast at in dot between pod and my personal at Elizabeth Cheney underscore, uh, just FYI, I haven't been very active on it currently just cause I've been, you know, what's that word grieving, but you know. It's all good. We're getting back. I told my mom earlier today, I feel like my head's a little bit, oh, like a little bit above water, but I'm still kind of drowning, but maybe I'm not going to drown completely. Baby steps, right? Baby steps. So check out the Vision Board Party RSVP, and if you're not local, you can still attend. I'm going to have a virtual element to it. Um, but otherwise, I will see you on a whole new Inbetween next week. Um, probably do a Reflecting Back on 2023, just a solo episode. And yeah. Got some cool collaborations in the works. Can't wait to share those. And we're, we're getting back on the horse and we're taking it. One step at a time. So mom, thank you. You're welcome. Thank you everybody. Thank you. Have a happy, happy Christmas. Safe. I didn't even acknowledge Christmas being like this coming weekend. Jesus. Well yeah, I said Merry Christmas. Oh yeah, you did. God, that felt like 10 years ago. Jeez. My goodness. Well
Cindy:anyways. I addressed it.
Elizabeth:For all y'all traveling, be safe. Everyone's crazy out there. Good Lord, have mercy. And we will see you next week on Anu Inbetween. Until then, I'm Elizabeth. And I'm Cindy. Bye!