In-Between: Puppies and Discernment

It feels good to be here! Fresh on the mic, Elizabeth is bringing back her comedic charm with life updates from the a 4.5 months. It's been a minute! A lot has changed but the future looks promising. The creative juices are flowing and Liz's quirkiness? Better than ever (LOL). This episode feels like a return to self with an empowering message at the end about discernment when it comes to your worth - it wouldn't be an in-between episode if she didn't hit ya with some learned wisdom. Listen to hear what's been going on (do I hear a puppy?) and what's ahead.

We're SO back baby! Listen, share, and stay tuned. The In-Between is here to stay. 

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Transcript

0:05

Well, well, well. Guess who's back on the podcast, on the same bullshit that she used to be on, making her grand reappearance for the second time in what, four or five months? It's your girl Elizabeth with The InBetween. Hi. Hello. if you've listened to the show, you've been following, I've put out maybe like one episode a month since January. I guess when I said slowly getting back into this, I meant at a snail's pace. So yes, apparently there was some more life stuff that needed to happen, some more lessons to learn, some more things to reflect on, some more highs and some more lows. And then I finally started to come out of, I, I mean, I guess it was like a mini depression, I don't know. But I started to finally feel creative, feel my creative juices going, feeling like, you know what? I'm ready just to get back on the pod. I'm ready to start stepping back into the energy and the messaging and the fun that I used to have with this back when I somehow did this once a week, which blows my mind. I'm like, "Who was that girl?" Ah., But anyways, I am so excited to be back. I have lots of updates, lots of updates. Some great, some not so great. Um, but I'm here, and that's exciting. Uh, the last episode that I recorded fresh was in January when I kinda had my reemergence, my... I almost said rebranding, but, well, I guess it's kind of like a rebranding, but I was like, "Hey, yo, I'm back. Aha." So I'm recording this one fresh, uh, because, like, the last three episodes were recorded last year, like, at least a year ago. So yeah, let's get into it. First of all, talk about having to fight through imposter syndrome again. I'm like, "Is that part of why I've had such a hard time getting back on the podcast?" 'Cause I'm like, "Oh, uh, vulnerability. You're putting yourself out there," which we know usually I don't shy away from. But for some reason, this whole thing, I'm like, "Oh, these are my thoughts, these are my feelings, these are my emotions. This is my performance. I have new friends, new followers. Oh, my God. What are they gonna think when they see me? Oh." So yeah, fighting through imposter syndrome. It's like, "Is this my first rodeo?" No pun intended with the shirt. That was unintentional, but here we are. Uh, anyways, got some new tats. Yes, turning into a little tattoo girly. She was always under there, but now she gets to express herself. I mean, first off, I know I said there's some highs and some lows. I just wanna say this, I am actually thriving. You know, I can't... Of course, I can think about my former life. I'm not, a dingus. It was a huge chunk of my life, but in terms of adjusting and my life now and what it's like, I'm so far removed with how things were two years ago that, yeah, life's great. I have this amazing apartment that is decorated just the way I like it with art everywhere. As you can see, some art behind me. I'm living in the city on the BeltLine, like, literally we're on the BeltLine. And for those who know me know this girl loves a good BeltLine walk. Um, I also got- Drum roll please. A puppy. Yes, I got a puppy. Uh, literally got her a week ago. Um, oh, by the way, my birthday was last week. I am now 35. 35 sounds so old. Before you come at me, of course I know it's not old, 'cause like if you think, "Hey, I live to 90, 90 plus," that's so many years away. But me today, I'm like, "Damn, 35 is not 28." It's okay though. I mean, I look great for my age. Okay? I look... Well, you know what? Is it great for my age or is I look great? I don't think I look 35, but nobody I know, none of my girlfriends, none of us look 35, 34, 33, 36, 7, whatever. We all look younger, which great, awesome. Love that. Not so great in the dating world. I guess what I mean by that is I attract a lot of young guys, and although I had fun on my cougar summer last year, we're not trying to do that this year. We're looking for a man. I'm looking for a dog dad, now that I am a mother. Okay, so before I just start off the podcast with a hard launch looking for a dog dad, which, I'm not trying to be that psycho, but intention-wise, yes, I am looking for something more serious. Attracting the 26, 25, 27-year-olds, it's fun, but it's not necessarily what I'm looking for, because more than likely we're in two completely different life stages. I'm trying to have a baby, like in the next like couple years. And, uh- I just find that most mid-20s are not looking for that, rightfully so. Hence the 35-year-old who's just now ready to have kids. But anyways, let's go back to the big reveal I just said. I got a puppy. I got her a week ago for my birthday. She's, like, nine weeks. It was a little stressful 'cause, like, the day after I got her, she got a UTI, which, poor thing, bless her heart, had to go to the emergency vet. There was $600 'cause, you know, I'm just made of money. But, she's doing a lot better. However, the UTI made potty training a little bit more complicated. You know what I mean? She was peeing everywhere. On top of, like, having to train her and then also, acclimate to her schedule, I couldn't find a schedule to speak of. I was like, "Uh, you are peeing every three seconds. Oh my God, I'm about to lose my mind." And obviously I don't mean that, like, "Ah," like anger towards her and anything like that. But it all just kinda escalated very quickly in the course of, like, 12 hours. She went to the vet, got her antibiotics. Everything else looked great. So she's rockin' and rollin', and now she is sprightly. Let's just say that she is full puppy. Full puppy. Uh, the words of my mother, "She's full of piss and vinegar in the mornings." Yes, she is. But she's doing good in the crate. She is so cute. I think I mentioned this already, her name is Iris. Does she know that? No. Not in the slightest. I mean, I say her name and I'm like, "Is there anything going on upstairs?" Like, could not care, could not be bothered, could not put two and two together that she is Iris. I tell you what, she does know the word no. She's learned that one very quickly. She was in here chewing on all my wires and I was like, "Hold up, girl. That's expensive. Also, I don't need you electrocuted and I can't afford to buy new equipment, so stop." You know what? I'm gonna bring her out at the end of the episode just in case my sweet angel baby doesn't freak out and get hyper, and then I'm, dealing with that while trying to record the rest of the episode. As a mother with a young, young child, I have to think of these things because, well, this episode will not be fun if you just hear constant, "No, stop biting me uh, 'cause that's kind of our, our usual rhetoric right now. Anywho, so I got the pup. I was really nervous, to be honest. I mean, that's a huge responsibility, and I take being a pet owner very seriously, as anybody should. A lot of people have been like, "Oh my God, you're always going out and doing this. Like, you're gonna have to change your lifestyle." And it's like, well, first off, obviously I'll make the proper adjustments. But for those who don't know, I used to have an Australian shepherd, Luna. If you've been with me since the beginning, you know about Luna, and she died a few years ago, but I took her everywhere with me. Iris is gonna be the same, if not even more, but I was a little overwhelmed just because I'd be doing this alone, not that that's ever intimidated me, but the breeder that I had been talking with the past couple of years, has been like, "Hey, are you ready? Da, da, da." I'm like, "Mm, not quite. Not quite ready yet." Uh, lots of instability in my life, lots of change, moving, this, this, that and that. And when she reached out beginning of this year, she was like, "Hey, I'm gonna have puppies. They're gonna be born in March. They're gonna be ready around mid-May." And my first thought was, "Ooh, that's my birthday. Am I ready for this?" I tentatively said yes. Well, puppies are born. She sends me pictures. "Hey, are you ready?" And I'm like, "Oof, now it's a reality. I don't know." I start to get, like, cold feet. Well, it's not that the breeder basically forced me to get her and take her, but she did unintentionally mind you, kind of coerced me into committing to Iris. And here's the truth. I was always gonna commit to her, because when I learned that she was gonna be ready mid-May, there was something in me that, that spoke, "This is it." And even though my mind wasn't quite caught up with that yet, my intuition was. So as she starts getting bigger and she's sending me pictures, two week, three week, four week, I'm like, "Oh, this is... This little guinea pig is really starting to turn into a dog, into a puppy." And my heart started to swell, the fear started to dissipate, and I started to get a little bit more excited. We, me and my mom, went and visited the farm, and I got to meet her a couple weeks before I got her. I brought a shirt that I'd been sleeping in with my scent so she could acclimate to me, so when I took her maybe it wouldn't be such a jarring change experience for little Iris. And I fell in love. And then for the next three weeks, I got more and more excited. And then when I picked her up and I brought her home, after my mom had left, after my aunt had left, I was sitting in my apartment that I got on my own, decorated by myself, on the BeltLine. Such a different life than what I had just a few years ago. Grown so much, learned so much about myself, so much about standards, so much about what I deserve, not just in dating and romantic life, but in getting back into my hobbies, 'cause your girl's in her hobby era. But creating again, getting back in the podcast, and now I have this little critter, all on my own. Oh, I'm like getting emotional saying that. I was gonna make this point later in the episode, but I've been really sitting with the fact that I am doing this life, by myself. And although, I'll be honest, sometimes I am lonely It's more of like a, a yearning, a longing than like a sadness now. But I feel so empowered to be sitting here, to be living the life that I do, the friendships that I have, constantly meeting new people, the energy I put out, all because of me. Like, I'm doing this. And don't get me wrong, I have bad days. I'm, I still have many bad days. Like I'm, like I said earlier, like I'm still kinda getting out of it, but I'm way more out of it than I was, say, five months ago. And I'm, ugh, eons where I was six months ago, seven months, eight months ago. Like last August when life crashed the fuck out. Ugh It is so I mean, the word that pops into my head is cool. It's so freaking cool that I'm doing this, and I don't live life with regrets at all. Uh, I don't wanna say everything happens for a reason, 'cause, that feels a little gaslighting for some of the really shitty things that happen to great people. But for me personally, I look at everything potentially as a lesson. What did you gain? What did you learn? What data did you get from this experience? 'Cause that keeps me moving, keeps me grooving, keeps me growing, evolving. Cause that's me. We all know that's essentially the main pillar of this podcast, self-love, self-development, self-evolution, self-exploration, the self, right? But on the topic of no regrets, I can't go back and change the past, with my relationship and choices I made, and, and of course, there's so much hindsight 20/20 that's part of the reflection. But to see the Liz I am today, I wouldn't change a thing. I had to go through that experience to get to where I am today. And who's to say that if things had been different I wouldn't eventually have gotten to some version of this? But who knows? That's a different timeline, a different life, a different dimension, Elizabeth. But in this current reality, I wouldn't change a thing So just wanna take a moment, I guess, to acknowledge how cool it is to be sitting here in the space that I've created, in the body that I maintain, the healthy, energetic, full-of-life version of me that now believes in love and refuses to get jaded, 'cause I got more on that in a second. The one who goes on adventures, who puts herself out there, who is now fighting through imposter syndrome yet again for this podcast Who has gone through so much change, so much change in the past two plus years, still gets through whatever the heck the universe throws at her. I don't know why we just pivoted to third person, but welcome to my head, welcome to my mind. But no matter what is thrown in my way, I just get through. It doesn't mean I don't cry, it doesn't mean I don't scream, it doesn't mean I'm not like, "What the fuck is going on again? Yet again, another lesson. Thanks so much. I'm here all life. Uh, ba-dum-bum, ch." I get through it, 'cause I got no choice but to. And I'm learning, especially as I navigate this whole romantic side of things in my life All the things that happen that don't make sense in the, in the real time, clarity comes afterward And I'm saying all these different pieces because the truth is You're going right where you need to be, even if it doesn't make sense. Even the unknown, the uncertainty, the ambiguity, it's a little unnerving. And as somebody who used to be fine and comfortable and excited for that, and then kinda pivoted when all my life was up in flames and chaotic as hell, and I'm like, "Mm, maybe I do want some sense of control." Especially, navigating romantic partnership and, and connection and learning discernment, it's, it, I got a little lost, a little lost in translation with it, but I'm back. I trust myself. I trust my intuition. I trust the universe, even though sometimes I'm like, "Hmm, can I speak to your manager? I don't understand why we're doing this again, why there's another lesson. Cool, great. Love this for me." But it always makes sense in the end, whatever the experience was. And they always say it, and I don't know who they is, maybe the internet is what I'm referring to, but Whatever is removed from your life, cleared away, is making room, making space for something better. And up until, like, literally the past, like, two days, not that I didn't believe that, but, mm, I wasn't, like, 100%, invested in that. And let me tell you, it's true. Not that I have the actual answers to that right this moment. In some areas of my life I do, some I don't, but I trust and know that after all the experiences that I've had, even if they're frigging lessons, it keeps getting better. I'm reminded that, okay, if that didn't work out, that's a bummer, but that also felt healthier and felt more solid than the experience before. And then I learned, okay, I can feel this way. I can find this connection. I can feel peace. This is what it should feel like, not the butterflies and the crazy sparks and all that. Doesn't mean chemistry's not there, but the sense of peace and knowing and belonging and feeling seen, that's important. But then discernment comes in, because they disappear, they ghost, whatever the case Baby step by baby step I'm learning. And although it's j- not jaded me, but I've, like I said earlier, I've been a little, like, s- uh, questionable to some of the things I feel like the universe is, throwing at me. I have taken this approach of, like, "Wait a second. Even if it annoys me, what's for me will find me." And we are no longer, chasing or waiting or wanting what doesn't want me, what's intimidated by me, what can't handle me. And I don't know if these are all the reasons, but I'm just... As somebody who's been told they're too much their whole life, I mean that's kinda where that idea's coming from. But I'm not too much. Am I deep? Yes, one million percent. I love that about myself. Most of the things that m- someone may consider too much are things that I absolutely love about myself. So why would I change that? Why would I shrink that? You know what I mean? That was kind of a long-winded way to say I love me. Self-love is still a pillar, girl. but all that said and done, the universe be putting me in a blender still, over and over again. my nana recently passed away. Yeah, very bummy. So in the past couple of months since we have not chatted, and, uh, I've just been on my own little island, my nana was really sick, and she was in the hospital for almost two months. She got out. When she was in the hospital, it was very up and down. Like, literally, not being dramatic, it'd be one day okay, one day is she gonna make it, one day she's gonna go to a nursing home. Like, it was pivoting that quickly. So when she finally came home, I was like, "Oh, okay." But during tho- that six, eight weeks in the hospital, I started to cope with, okay, if she passes. Now, before I continue, I wanna say when I lived with my mom and nana for a couple of months between selling my house and getting this place- I got to see firsthand just how miserable my nana was and how much pain she was in, and it absolutely devastated me. She was in crippling pain. And so when she was in the hospital And it wasn't good, and I was like, "Okay, I'm gonna start kinda coping, making terms with, like, what happens if she passes?" And she came home. She was so weak. Like, she was doing better for the state that she was in, but she wasn't great. So when she died, it was about a month ago, literally a month before her birthday, and her birthday's a couple days after mine. It was a little unexpected 'cause she had been doing better, but for me at least, I was prepared 'cause she wasn't great. And I found a lot of peace when she passed. Like, I remember my mom told me. I was at first, initial reaction, shocked, and then all of a sudden this peace overcame me. She's no longer in pain, and that's all I can think about. it's still a little wild to think that she's gone, 'cause, I mean, we all really thought that she's gonna live forever, 'cause it's kind of the energy she put out there. She was full of fire, spite love, spiciness Of course, you had no other reason to think that she was gonna live forever. But that's not how life works, at least on this plane. But she's no longer in pain, so that's great. So anyways, I wanted to talk about a few things going on in my life, AKA I'm in my hobby era. I don't even know if saying "I'm in my blah era," or in my fill-in-the-blank era, whatever the heck era, thank you Taylor Swift, um, don't know if that's still cool. I don't care. I will still use the term era if and when I please, and right now we're in our hobby era, which I guess I'm a nerd. So what does that mean? Well, I've taken some beginner hip hop classes. I started improv. I'm going to join a Dungeons and Dragon campaign. Nerd alert, I know, but I'm actually very pumped. I'm doing it with some of my improv friends that I made in class. Love that for me. I set up my piano. I wanna get back into piano. When I say back into piano, that makes me sound like a pianist. Um, I did piano classes when I was like eight, nine years old, so basically getting back into my roots of Mary Had a Little Lamb and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. But we start there, and who knows? Maybe I'll be, I'll be playing some Adele by the end of the year. High, high expectations, but let's see. Let's see what happens. I've been trying different types of workout fitness studios. I got a HYROX one next week, probably gonna kill me, but at least, like, my body's no longer super injured. Oh yeah, 'cause I kept hurting myself, having to go to physical therapy, pulling a hamstring, pulling my shoulder, how'd you do that, Liz? Well, stretching. Ha. Maybe I should do more mobility work and add that to my hobby list, but, uh, I don't have any more room. Anyways, I got into EDM. I went to my first EDM festival this past weekend, uh, my birthday weekend. It was so much fun. The vibes were great. I danced my ass off. I also love dancing, just FYI. I mean, you probably already knew that. For those who know me know that for sure. I cannot stay away from a dance floor, but- I don't know what it unlocks within me, but I feel like a divine goddess who is like, I don't know, dancing to the moon. That makes me sound very witchy, but, ah, I love it. I went to my first EDM festival with my, my friend Atera, and she introduced me to her friends, and now I have this new girl gang, and it's just, ugh, it was so much fun. I felt free and liberated and just, yeah, I love EDM. Here I am at 35 years old saying, "I love EDM." Don't know if that makes me lame, cool, all of the above. Maybe it just depends on who you're talking to, but I love it. It was a blast. I had a birthday picnic, and it was so much fun because I had all my people, all my close friends, and I was looking around, and there's just so many new people in my circle, people from my, my past. 'Cause we, we all know I'm, I'm really good at continuing and nurturing relationships, And we also know that I love people and love connection. But it was just really cool to see the life that I've cultivated. Oh, we're going back on that tangent. Here we go. Let me, let me take it back. But I don't know. I'm just, I'm really happy with, with where things are, and I have a good feeling, especially since I'm finally recording myself and getting my ass in front of this camera, behind this mic, and talking about everything. Because I have been in the biggest in-between of my frigging life the past two years that just has so many, like, m- subsets, sub in-betweens, and then even sub sub in-betweens of those in-betweens, and then there's some overarching in-betweens. And it's like, oh my God, the in-between is my reality. But such is life. We're born and then we die. I think I said that in the very, very, very, very, very first episode that was like eight minutes long and I was scared shitless. We've come a long way. We've come a long way. And you know, another thing that really drove me to finally get back in front of the podcast was I had to have a come to Jesus talk with myself. What do you want? Where are your dreams and your goals? And it's not that I forgot about them, but I put them in the back burner big time. They were in some trunk deep down, covered in dust, a lot of shit on top of it, and I was like, "You know what? I nee- I need to get those out. They don't need to collect mothballs. They're important." There was a point in my life when it was the only thing that drove me forward, and then I had to give myself grace with the whole you gotta get through life, you gotta heal, you gotta give yourself the time, the patience, the love that you preach so that you can get to a place where you can create again So here we are. I dusted off the goals, cleaned out the dreams, gave them a nice spring cleaning, a refresher, and we're ready and there's one quick thing that I wanna share before I continue on that really motivated me to sit down and not let my imposter syndrome, self-doubt, ruminating in my head get in the way. I was like, "I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna just do the damn thing. I'm gonna sit down. I'm not gonna second-guess it. I'm gonna write this out and I'm gonna get on the mic." There's this creator that I follow. Her name's Florence Given. She's fabulous, and she posted this reel, I don't know, sometime the past couple of days, and she was like, Whatever you're not doing is making your enemy happy. You not doing the thing that you need to do, that you want to do, that you should be doing, that you're setting out to do is only giving your enemy validation. They don't wanna see you succeed. They don't want you to do the thing you wanna do. So why are you giving your, your enemy that power, that satisfaction?" And of course, like, the term enemy is pretty dramatic, but I mean, if we wanted to get introspective with it, you could say the enemy is, you know, a version of yourself, the insecure ego, right? And I don't know why that really spoke to me, and I was like, "Yeah, I don't want my enemy..." Which I don't have enemies. It's me. I mean, I don't think I have enemies. If I have enemies, please come to the front. I would like to know why, and Let me re- respond in, a 500, 1,000-word essay as to why. That's crazy. Please don't hate me. I don't need that energy in my life. Just kidding. But you know what I mean. I thought, "I don't want my enemies to win. I don't want them to, to be satisfied that I'm not doing the thing that I wanna do, that I told myself I'd do, and now I'm not doing it." Especially because, like, the voice in my head, my intuition has been so loud lately, like, "Just create. Quit worrying about this or that or this. Get your ass in front of that mic." All right, enough catching up. I'm just kidding. I could yap for hours. I mean, before my life imploded, I did this podcast once a week and just talked with me, myself, and I, so we know I can yap. Ha ha. I'm gonna be honest, I feel a little awkward, like a little rusty. You know what I mean? Like, getting back on the mic like this, uh, is kinda not like riding a bike where you just pick up and go. I'm kind of like, "Hmm, am I lame? Am I weird? Am I awkward?" Probably all of the above, but that's what makes me me. Mm, mm, mm. Okay, I'm gonna stop. So the thing that I wanted to talk about before I end the episode, obviously I wanted to catch up with everybody, tell you what's going on in my life, but I have been dating. I have been putting myself out there. I've been learning so much about myself and how to navigate the stormy waters of what is modern-day dating. And I wanted to talk about capacity versus actual feeling, and then with that, discernment. Discernment has been a huge theme in my life. Honestly, I think it's been the overarching theme in all of my experiences. Learning attachment styles, healing this, processing childhood trauma and why it comes out in this way and why I think this, but it's something that I'm working on, been working on. I've come a long way, and when I say something, I just mean the discernment, the, the am I too much? Am I not enough? Feeling chosen, tho- those kind of things. Like, I'm not the only person who deals with this. I know a lot of people do. So all that to say, discernment. Capacity versus actual feelings. So you know the phrase, "Actions speak louder than words." But when you are also healing from past childhood traumas, past relationship trauma, things like that, Talking the talk can be very appealing versus actually seeing the walk walked. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? So I've had many experiences where the guy is kinda full of shit. Even my intuition's like, "Girl, red flag alert. Red flag alert. This is a fuckboy." And then I'm like, "But I'm lonely, and he's really cool in person." And then that, blows up in my face in the end. Not that it necessarily actually blows up, but it doesn't work out, clearly. So learning how to discern that sooner, and then also not waste my time. And then also trusting,, you may be lonely, and it's okay to be lonely. Sit in the loneliness. I think acknowledging the loneliness is more important than ignoring it, because that's how you get stuck in these situations with people that don't deserve your time. Sit in the lonely and trust that it's just temporary. It's not forever. What locks us in in an unhealthy place, unhealthy attachment, unhealthy situation is this idea that it's, this is our forever state, this, this is never gonna change. And on the flip side of that, when you do have a connection that, okay, the spidey senses aren't going off. Okay, I'm not getting red flags. What? This is a calm, peaceful, nervous system reaction? We have connection? What? And then, well, maybe it's not necessarily fuckboy behavior, but their life implodes, and then they disappear, ghost you, and you're like, "Wait, what just happened? Did everything I feel or felt was it not real?" Because,, you were walking the walk and talking the talk, the actions aligned with the words, and then you just ghosted. Okay, well, I'm gonna give some excuses because, it wasn't, like, fuckboy behavior that caused it. It was life stuff Capacity is still capacity. Whether it's them being emotionally immature because they suck as a person, they're playing the field, they have a whole other-ass girlfriend, yep, that happened to me too, or they were invested, they did want the same things, but then they couldn't handle it when life hit the fan on their end, and they just poorly communicated and did the immature thing. The point I'm trying to make is it doesn't matter if it's fuckboy or life got hard and scary. Emotional capacity, emotional bandwidth is still the same thing no matter which way you look at it. So why are you gonna keep yourself in a situation that is not pursuing you, is not giving you what you deserve? You have to discern. So I went through all these experiences that were more so in this category, like the, the... They weren't all fuckboys, but like, people who didn't have the best intentions, people who weren't looking for the same thing that I was, but maybe they lied about it. Me figuring out what I'm looking for and, like, also listening to myself, letting go when I need to because my body's like, "Uh, no girl" So when I got this category, the feeling of being pursued, the feeling of being seen, the calm. I mean, when we had our first date, this was like the last guy that I was, like, talking to, It was, very strange, calm, cool, collected. It wasn't... I mean, of course, there was chemistry 'cause, like, I, I, I'm not gonna go on a date with someone that I don't find attractive, duh. But I, I mean, it wasn't this, like, crazy fireworks and butterflies situation. It was peace. It was nice. And being a deep person I'm not gonna change that. That's who I am, and I love that about me. But, we all know there's no depth that I cannot reach. So I've learned a thing or two, that I'm not gonna let it all out, especially on the first date. So I'm feeling this way with this guy, and he actually brings it up 20 minutes into the date. "Do you... Am I crazy, or do you feel this?" And I'm like, "Okay, recognized. Cool. All right." Well, he pursued me real hard and, and at the time, I, I didn't think it was really love-bombing, but, where is the line in love-bombing versus somebody who is a very impulsive person and doesn't necessarily think through everything? I don't know. All this to say, I got to experience what it felt like to be actively pursued, not to question where I stood in somebody's life and, and what they wanted and what their intentions were. But in a weird, strange thing of events, uh, within, like, two weeks of this starting, their life imploded. And I feel for that. I'm not making excuses for that. But then it turned into, "I don't wanna lose this, but I don't have the emotional capacity for this." Okay, well, Liz now would've just ended it then and not entertained anything further because when someone tells you that, you listen to it. But I felt this connection. And I was like, "Well, do you wanna end this, or do we need to adjust, like, the, the, the speed in which we're moving?" Of course, that gave them the opening that they don't have to, lose access to me completely. And, now, I am dangling on a hook. Whether that was intentional or not on their end, and I kinda put myself there. They disappeared completely. cool. It stung.. It was a little, like, disappointing and I thought we had a really good open communication. So, why could you not communicate that with me? But I have no control over anybody else but myself. So- My initial frustration at, um, irritation was with the kind of the universe. I'm like, all right, so you put this seemingly great connection, in front of me you give me a taste of what I'm looking for and granted, I didn't know him all that well, 'cause it was only a couple of weeks. But then you strip it away, so quickly. What gives? What lesson do I still have to continue to learn? Discernment. Even when the connection feels right- They don't have the emotional capacity. It's not for you And that doesn't mean the feelings weren't there. That is the balance that you have to hold and carry that sucks. That somebody can care but not have the capacity to follow through, and that is in no way a reflection of who you are and what you bring to the table. I know that most of the guys that I've gone on dates with or dated in the past, like, year and a half, two years, were probably a little intimidated by me. Not because I'm mean or intense. But I'm not afraid to be deep. I can be vulnerable. And if you're not comfortable with yourself, that is gonna turn you off and you're gonna run away. This isn't me inflating my ego or "I'm not the problem." It's not about a problem. You're not too much. I am not too much. And as somebody who heard that all the time growing up from my grandmother and people, friends, teachers. Maybe I'm being dramatic now, but I heard it a lot. And it was just because I was inquisitive. I was curious. I was very deep at a very young age. I remember being, like, six years old looking at my hand, and I'm like, "How am I real? Where do I come from?" I was always a little existentialist. I digress. But I know what I bring to the table. I know my worth. And I knew my worth a year and a half, two years ago, but I honestly didn't quite know it in terms of navigating dating, navigating romantic pursuit. Now I do, and it was the most seemingly healthy, initial healthy connection dating endeavor that helped me realize that, confirm that, validate that. Between him and the last guy I dated, I took some months off. One, with my nana's health, plus the last guy, it was quite a doozy. He's the one that had the girl. Ooh. And that's a whole other conversation for a different episode, talking about ignoring the red flags, ignoring your spidey senses. Again, comes from a place of loneliness, not making an excuse for myself, but I just mean we all get put in situations that make us cringe after the fact. That's part of life. That's how you learn. the real test or, or important piece of that is how do you move after a situation like that occurs? Discernment, 'cause emotional capacity is not the same as feeling So next time, assuming it's a healthy connection, I mean, of course it will because we're not gonna waste our time with anything else but if something like this was to happen, ah, I'm not gonna give them the out. I'm not gonna give them, "You know, well, this is a great connection. I, you, you don't wanna lose it either." Next time I'll say, "All right. Good riddance." Essentially like, "Okay, well, if you can't handle a relationship when life is hard, then how, how, how could we handle, when life hits us hard as a couple? Or gosh, we have kids, and the kid breaks a leg or something like that and, and things are stressful, money's tight. I don't know. When life hits the fan and you can't handle it, that's not a good thing. It's not a good sign, right?" So One part of this is Something doesn't work out, it's because something better is on the way. And I can look back on all the people that I've dated, talked to, all the different lessons in which I've learned from them, and it does keep getting better. Sometimes the lessons are a little bit harder and a little bit like, "Oh!" But it does keep getting better, and that is showing me that any fear that I may feel, like I, am I ever gonna feel this way again? Am I ever gonna find a guy that I can connect with physically, emotionally, mentally? Is he gonna have style? Is he gonna be cool? Is he gonna be funny? Is he gonna make me laugh? Can he get deep? Am I gonna find that peaceful connection again and not just like the hot sparks of it all? Continue to learn? Yes, you will. Yes, and. You'll get that and something else. You'll get that and something else. And while I navigate that, I learn discernment so that I don't have to deal with the bullshit I've already dealt with. That helps with the keep getting better, and that also comes from loving yourself and knowing what you deserve, knowing your worth, even if every internal system in your brain's like, "Oh my God, cling onto it 'cause we're never gonna find this again." Yes, you will, and it's gonna be better because you're gonna make sure you only accept something better Because you deserve the world And you're not gonna settle for some busted-ass loser. Practice discernment, and I mean, that's something that you should bring in every aspect of your life, the people you bring yourself around, your friends, your inner circle, sometimes it's family members, which I know that's its own complicated mess. But discernment. What do you deserve? So moral of the story, feeling is still different than emotional capacity, but discernment is important for both. Listen to your intuition. Don't stay in something that you know is not healthy for you. Despite what your nervous system says, despite what your head says, that you're never gonna find it, you're never gonna be loved, whatever, never, negative thing you are sitting on, spiraling on, ruminating on, I need you to work and convince yourself that that is not true. Because there is something better. Because you deserve better. No one deserves to question love. No one deserves to question where they stand in someone's life. Silence is louder than words ever could be, period. And that's the lesson for today. Ooh, it feels good to be back. It feels good to be back. Okay, let me go grab my puppo, and then I'll close these things out and, uh, i'll see you sooner than a month from now. Will I see you next week? Don't get your hopes up because, uh, I don't know, but maybe the week after. We're gonna try because, one, the only way to grow this sucker is to be consistent, just like how we want in our relationships, consistency is key. Tell myself that for this podcast as well. Yes. So we're gonna create more, we're gonna get more out, and we're gonna keep nurturing our funny bone. Hopefully, this improv pays off. All right, let me grab this dog. Oh. All right, everybody, meet Iris. Hi. See, I was just napping. Got puppy breath. Um, I gave her a kiss on her forehead. I don't know if you can see it, but she's got a pink forehead right now. Um, but this is Iris. So we don't really know her name quite yet, but we love our... My mom. We love our mom. My mom. Our mom. My mom. No, me. I'm mom. Wow, maybe I should stop trying to speak in third person, 'cause it gets a little awkward. But this is Iris, and this is my life. And like I said earlier... Oh, she just had a puppy on. See. Hi. You wanna say anything? Say, "Hi, Ro." I am so attached to her already. I love her so much. She's so cute. Um, she is piss and vinegar, like I mentioned earlier, but she's a sweetie. Crazy that I get to do this life, that I have created all by myself, and like I said earlier, that's super empowering and beautiful. So without further ado, I'm gonna let you go. I hope you have a safe weekend. I will see you very soon, I promise, because she's back, y'all. If you can't tell by the mojo, I feel it. I've got the power. Iris is like, "What the hell are all these lights?" But yes, onward and upward, and let's see where the, the next year takes me, because she dusted off the dreams and goals, baby, and it's time. So if you're not doing so already, please follow me on Instagram. My personal is elizabethchini_. It's where you're gonna get most of my life updates. Oh, wait. Oh my God, look at her. Oh my God, she's, like, laying on me. Elizabethchini_ and then the podcast, uh, Instagram is in.betweenpod, and then you can follow me on TikTok, theinbetweenpodcast. You can watch this episode on YouTube, and I hope you guys have a wonderful rest of your day, and I will see you next time. I'm Elizabeth. Bye.