In-Between: The Void of Uncertainty

Elizabeth is back and ready to get into where she's been, what the dating pool has recently taught her, and plenty more. Between a (semi) last-minute Hawaii trip with her best friend, puppy pains, being OVERLY social, and surviving dating in your mid-30s, there's a lot to catch up on. The episode’s core theme is dealing with uncertainty and keeping hope without losing self-worth. Trust us, it's a good one. 

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Transcript

0:06

Hey, hey, hey. Welcome back to the In Between Podcast. I'm your host, Elizabeth Cheney. I have attempted to record this episode three times. Yesterday was one of those days that it wasn't, like, bad, but, like, nothing went according to plan. And at some point when you're f- you know, however long into recording and then your computer says, "Oops, I need to update," you just gotta stop and you gotta update. So took the L, and here we are. But you know what? Not only is my computer updated, but I'm feeling more lively. Maybe this was just a little nudge from the universe in the right direction, because I could use more of that universe, do you hear me? I could use a little bit more of you telling me what to do. So before I go down a existential vent sesh, how is everyone? Are you thriving? Can you believe it's August? Crazy. I feel like the beginning of this year was like, mm, yeah, very slow, and then, whoop, the past few months have just been fast. Uh, part of that I attribute to having Iris. Speaking of, I'm obsessed with her. Like, I can't imagine my life without her now. I know that there were a few times in the past couple of weeks where I'm like, "Have I made a mistake? Have I bitten off more than I can chew?" But I haven't, and even though I knew that would be temporary, uh, it was still a little bleak and hard there for a while, 'cause it is... it's no easy feat raising a puppy by yourself. But I love her. I'm obsessed with her. Yes, she's a puppy. Yes, she's rambunctious and a little feral. just like her mom. But she's darling. Like, she is so incredibly sweet. All she wants to do when she's not being a little gremlin is love on you and cuddle and snuggle and be a little donut, and oh my goodness. And this week, the past few days, I have transitioned her out of her crate at night, and she's been sleeping with me in bed. Sorry to anyone who's like, "Ugh, dogs on the bed." Yeah, well guess what? I want my dog on, on the bed. I want my dog on the couch. I want my dog, like, tucked inside me. Anyways, it's been great. Like, she's been so good. No... Not that she has accidents, but, like, not even having to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. I do keep a puppy pad out just in case. Anyways, there's the 411 on how amazing my little girl's doing. But she's also teething, so I say all these compliments to also say the past two days have not been fun when I take her out for a walk. She has been so sassy, so diva-like, so I'm gonna do what I want. And you know what? Normally I don't care, but when I'm practically dragging my puppy down the BeltLine on a busy Friday and everyone's, like, staring at me, I feel the need to be like, "Hey, don't worry. She's not having a heat stroke. She's just being a stubborn little girl." Love that girl down, though. She's so cute. So there's that. Uh, another big update, I just came back from Hawaii. I know, shock. Why didn't you tell us? Well, one, it's been several weeks since I recorded an episode, but two, this trip kinda came together at the very, very last minute. Of course, I went with my bestie Ashleighanna. We had a time. It was so much fun. Dare I even say life-changing? But then again, I feel like all travel is life-changing in a way 'cause, you know, it opens you up to perspective and culture and this and that and all the things, so of course, so it's, can be life-changing if you look at it that way. Uh, one little thing I will say is your girl learned to surf. I know. I feel so badass. I learned to surf, and I actually stood up on the board and did the damn thing, and I stood up multiple times. It took me a second to get there, but I got there, and, you know, I work out. I'm athletic. I say that with a weird face because I was never athletic growing up. I was a theater kid. Remember the crab claws from last episode? Anyways, I feel so, I mean, I'm proud of myself no matter what, but- That pushed me out of my comfort zone, 'cause I don't do stuff like that. And honestly, maybe it's a little bit of being fearful of failure. Like, "Oh, I'm gonna be embarrassed if I don't make it." But then I thought to myself, "You're in mother effing Hawaii. How badass would it be to say, 'I learned to surf in Hawaii.' Whether that was successful or not, you at least tried, and that's the main thing. You tried. You put yourself out there, and you tried." And guess what? I did it. I figured it out. So yeah, I feel super badass. I wanna do all the extreme sports now. But also not really, 'cause I'm not gonna skydive or do some crazy shit like that, because I'm terrified of heights. But, you know, maybe I'll find myself on a wakeboard. Oh, my goodness. But, uh, I can't wait to post about the trip. I mean, I, I did the whole damn thing. I got a private lesson, got professional photos. I was like, "I'll pay you the 60 bucks for all these slow-mo videos of me frigging doing work on that surfboard." But I was very proud of myself. Very cool. Very cool indeed. Um, but I will say this With the Hawaii trip, and the past m- um, really since my birthday, um, your girl's been extremely social. That's fine, that's fine. I think I might have talked about this in the last episode. However, it is time for me to sit my ass inside, okay? I need to save my money. I need to not be doing all the things because there are things coming up I gotta pay for and I gotta think about, but here's the thing, if you wanna go out, please don't invite me. I do not need to go out. I don't need to go out. But also, please invite me, 'cause if you don't invite me, I'm gonna have FOMO. Yes, I am aware of hypocrisy in that statement. But for my girlies who get it, you get it, okay? Like, I don't need to go out, I don't need to spend the money, but also please invite me because, mm, that's gonna make me feel some kinda way. So, How well have I been doing that since I got back this week? Well, I went out to dinner last night, and I went out for a margarita the night before. So I'm obviously doing great but it's okay, because I got a plan, and the plan is to budget. And really I just need, like, a month and a half to get my shit together. I kinda live in this mindset that, money will return back to you. It does. It always does. I, and I have more to talk about that now that I'm a- actually saying this, 'cause that ties into my divorce, and this and this, and decisions I've made or held off on making 'cause, oh, this or money, da da We're gonna table that. That's gonna be a whole episode. Now that I'm saying that, maybe I should write that down real quick I also need to, like, sit up. These, these chairs that I bought that you actually can't really see with this set up I have in my new place, they don't really offer a lot of, like, lower back support, so it's hard to sit up, and so then I slouch, and then my shoulders come forward, and then when you have these line backer shoulders like I do, it's not cute on camera. Anyways, I told you I was on one. I told you I was on one But back to money or sit my ass at home, I also need to, like, really lock in on the content and the public speaking and getting that going. I have been making videos on TikTok, so go catch your girl on TikTok at The In Between Podcast. Don't know why I post a lot of my fun things there. Maybe 'cause I'm a little scared on the Instagrams because there's so many people from high school and people from my past, and I'm just a little nervous, okay? I'm working on the imposter syndrome, just gotta fight through it. But she'll get there. She'll get there. That's all that matters. Another thing that I've been doing more of, i've talked about this before, like, trying to fight through the imposter syndrome again, you know, since I am restarting the podcast and all of that. But talking about my stuff, like, talking about my dreams, my goals, where I wanna go, the fact that I wanna get into speaking. so Thursday when I met up with my friends, Matt and Alex, to get a drink, I started talking about how I wanted to lock in on the public speaking and, like, that was a goal I set for myself and I r- and, and I still think I have plenty of time to do with the rest of the year. I mean, it just takes one little speech. I mean, shit, I could go do that on the sidewalk right now if I wanted to. But I started talking to them about the framework for the different k- types of keynotes that I wanna do or that I have, drafted and brainstormed on top of what the ultimate end goal is with it. And just talking to them, one, immediately they understood the assignment, like, they knew what I was saying, supported me, so we love that. We love supportive friends, okay? And Alex started talking about different organizations. He's like, "Yeah, sometimes my company will bring people in. This is exactly the kinda thing they'd do." Anyways, it got me hype, okay? It got me hype, got me pumped, and whether or not something comes through with that, that's beside the point. It's share your stuff, especially if you're in an in between of, like, getting back on the horse or getting things in motion, starting something from scratch. I really do feel like talking about it, getting support from the people you love and care about and that care about you, it's really validating and very empowering. So shout out to Matt and Alex, love you guys, um, for making your girl feel like, "You know what? Yeah. Hell yeah, I can do this." So I've been, I've been sharing more with people, and so far it's been very, very beneficial to not just brainstorming and thinking ahead, but also getting the actual courage and confidence and forward motion, focus on doing it. So we love that. Snaps. Snaps, snaps, snap snaps. Uh, two more things before I get into today's episode. One, I- speaking of being outside and needing to stay my ass inside, uh, I went to this thing, like, this zodiac mixer earlier this week. And to be fair, I bought the ticket before I went to Hawaii, so doesn't count. But I found it on Threads of all places. I mean, I'm a woo-woo girl for sure, even if I don't necessarily do all the woo-woo things, but I love reading about it, and astrology and all that, so I'm sure that's how it found me. But I went to this event It was s- it was, it was small and intimate, sure, but it's also, this is the second event this woman has put on. First off, hit it off with the, the host immediately. She is so cool. We're definitely gonna collab. She has a podcast. We're gonna do a pod swap. I've been wanting to do a Zodiac astrology, woo-woo kinda focused podcast. so I'm gonna have her come on. I also want my girl Caroline to come on. She's my reader. She's also my friend, but she, like, does my tarot and astrology when I'm like, "Girl, I'm feeling lost," or, "Shit's not going well. What's going on in the sky?" I call her. also, why do I have to sing everything? Is that a stim? Like, is that, like, a thing that people do? I don't know. Mm, this girl does it. Thanks for following along. It's a ride, it's a ride, for sure. But very, very excited to have her come on, but she was so cool, so down to earth. We, like I said, instantly vibed. Um, she was... She had a few little, like, I don't know, pop-ups, brand ac- not brand activations. I guess pop-ups is probably the better term. But there was, like, a, a vegan chef who brought snacks and things. There was a tarot reader, this person doing intuitive painting. I didn't get to try that out, 'cause I, I got there, like, an hour plus late. Oops. And then there was also a tattoo artist, and when I was checking in, she told me that. "No, like real tattoos." Well, your girl is a moth to a flame, okay? For the tattoos, 'cause she's trying to build her arm, okay? So of course, naturally, I was like, "Well, twist my arm. Here we go." So they were having, like, flash tattoos, which is where they're, like, already predetermined, you know, you get to pick one kinda thing. They had a really good deal for it, and I'm looking at it. It's, like, more fine line, cute. I decide on two, because again, I can't say no to just one. And I'm talking to the, the woman. This is, like, a, a wife/husband duo, and he's tattooing somebody, and she's... We're talking and, and she's like, "Which one do you want?" Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. We're working on placing them. And so I ask her, I'm like, "Hey, where do you, wh- where do you tat at? Like, where's your shop?" And she says Marietta. And there's only one tattoo shop in Marietta that I am familiar with. Because I've been following this person for, like, two years on Instagram. And I say, "What's your name?" And she goes, "Sif," like S-I-F. 'Cause she had an accent. I'm not sure where she's from. It sounded a little like Slovakian, Russian kind of, but I don't know. And I said, "Wait a second, I follow you on Instagram. I've, I've been following you for years. You're Sif, wow." So it was really, really cool to like meet this person who I've been following for a few years who does incredible, beautiful work, and she tatted me. So it was cool. It was great, and she was like, "Oh my gosh," you know, "Reach out," blah, blah, blah. But she, uh, she does like fine line and realism tattoos and, like I said, her tattoos are incredible, okay? Like, it looks like a photograph has just been stamped onto your body. Just amazing. Um, so yeah, your girl got new tats. Ah. So new friends, new tats, adventures galore. We love it. We love it for ourselves. The other thing that I wanna mention is your girl has been struggling with vertigo. Okay? For those who don't know what vertigo is, it's like you get dizzy when you get up too fast, when you go down, the sin... I, I, I actually don't know the medical definition of vertigo, but it's something about being dizzy and seeing stars. I made that up. Jokes aside, it's been a problem the past several weeks. Now, we know that I have chronic pain from my car accident that I still have issues from. My shoulder is never gonna be the same, blah, blah, blah. I won't go into it again And I don't know if it's because I haven't been in physical therapy for a few months the fact that I have not prioritized going to get a massage, which I know sounds very like but, like, I really do need it 'cause my body is Not okay. But I noticed a couple weeks ago, when I... It started when I would go to lay down. I would lay down, and all of a sudden I would feel so dizzy, like my body was just spinning. And it wasn't long, but it's still a sensation that I'm like, "This doesn't feel normal or okay." Then I also noticed if I would move too quick, if I would come up from a workout, a certain move, I, I mean, just random things, I would get dizzy, kinda get this whoosh feeling. And I felt it so much in Hawaii, a- a- and at some point, Ashleighanna I think saw my face, and she was like, "Are you okay?" And I'm like, "I, I've been struggling with vertigo." And Ashleighanna is, like, very intelligent when it comes to health, body, science. I think her degree was in health science, like, something super smart. Anyway, she was like, "Liz, you, you need to get that under control. Because you don't want to be creating more long-term issues, and as you get older it's even worse." And I'm like, "You know what? You're not wrong." Oh, I have a little visitor. Iris just woke up from her nap. Say, "Hi." Hello, baby. Oh, big stretch. Um, for those watching, say hi. There she is. Oh, she's licking the mic, everybody. You're silly. anyways, so those are all the updates I have right now. Living the best life with this dog, going to Hawaii, trying not to pass out because, uh, my neck is locked and I'm not taking care of it, and staying in my ass inside, but also not. 'Cause again, moth to a flame, I must go out. But enough about that. I thought I would spend today, besides however long it's been that we've been talking about all this random shit, is not so much dating per se, 'cause I do wanna get into more dating stories and all that, but- We're working on it. We're getting there, we're getting there. I wanna lay some groundwork first about, like, things I've learned or dating, uh, realizations I've had. Excuse me, Iris. My goodness, that was a big yawn. Not sure if you heard that. Um, sorry, I'm a little distracted at the moment 'cause she just walked in and she just is so cute. Uh, but it, it's things that, yes, I'm learning through dating, connections, people, relationships, behavior, worth, standards, and it's things that also I, I do feel like play out in real life, it's important things to think about, to work through, to be aware of, right? So one thing that I've recently been thinking about and ruminating on is how uncomfortable I am in uncertainty. Like, sitting in uncertainty, and this kind of plays into, being fearful of the future, being fearful of the unknown. I'm honestly not scared of the unknown. Like, I, I mean, sure, maybe right now I'm a little hesitant with it because I'm, this pa- these past couple of years have been rediscovering myself and, uh, uh, finding the new version of me and, and, and, you know, getting to live life as this version of Elizabeth. But after all the self-work I've done and journey stepping into the void and the unknown is something that I'm going to be comfortable with. Uh, especially, like, betting on yourself with, like, this podcast and putting yourself out there. That takes courage, right? but before all that happened, especially growing up, I was a bit of a control freak, and that's probably coming from my childhood, not to unpack a bunch of shit and not that my childhood was completely miserable. Uh, I've said this before and I'll say it till I am blue in the face, I hit the Mega Millions when it comes to my mother. But I think my need for control really came from a lack of stability and feeling a little helpless growing up in so many different ways. And so that held me back in being afraid of the future, being afraid of the void, being afraid of the unknown, wanting to control the outcome, wanting to control, control, control. Because if I had control, I knew what to expect, there would be no surprises. You know what I mean? oh, God, I was an anxious girly for most of my life now that I think about it. Anywho With dating now and like that being this whole new... I mean, I keep saying new, but act like it hasn't been like two years. But still, you keep learning new lessons. You keep overcoming obstacles. You keep meeting new douchebags, and you're like, "Gosh, darn. How do I get out of this freaking loophole?" But, uncertainty with dating, like, not so much are we gonna be together, are we not? Like, are you gonna be my boyfriend? Like, are we gonna get married? I'm not future projecting like that. It's more just, like, the beginning. where do we stand? What are your intentions? Why are you giving me breadcrumbs? Is something going on? I mean, I'm giving you all these, like, different scenarios. The uncertainty is the in-between of the action, okay? That's probably the best way to say that. I have learned or I've realized, mm, I don't really like that feeling, so I'm having to sit in the discomfort. Not my first time, not my first rodeo with that. Mm-hmm. Okay. Your girl got divorced, and that had a lot of uncomfiness to it. But the uncertainty in someone's actions, in someone's feelings, um, figuring out, navigating all of that, I don't like it. It's a little hard, and I'll find myself trying to fill in the gaps. And here's the truth. I don't, I don't know the truth. I don't know the facts. You have got to stop, and I say you as a universal you and also me talking to myself, okay? But you've got to stop trying to create the narrative when you don't know what's going on. You should focus on what you do know, and then you just have to sit in the uncomfortable, sit in the discomfort of the uncertainty. sometimes that uncertainty is the, the negative thing that you were filling in the gaps with. Sometimes it is that they're not interested. Sometimes it is that they're talking to multiple people. Sometimes it is that they're a douchebag. Sometimes they don't have the emotional capacity to meet you. Sometimes they're intimidated by you. Sometimes it's they don't think they're good enough for you, okay? So it's like you can't create the narrative to make yourself feel better, to feel like you have control of the situation, but you also have to be grounded within yourself and your self-worth, that even if the gap is the negative thing, even if the gap is the, "Ugh, it's not really what I want, but I understand," like talking about them not having the capacity for you or, or thinking they're not good enough for you, whatever the case, or the gap is the good thing, like they're just busy or they're getting their life together, I don't know, you have to be comfortable with the uncertainty So with that said, and also piggybacking off of what I was talking about, how I really had a strong need for control when I was younger, I have found myself being a little bit more of a control freak to myself, like, not to other people or anything, but, like, more internally, the thoughts, the inner narrative, than I ever have been in the past several, several, like five or so years. I almost feel fixated on it The uncertainty over certain things,, seems to trigger it To be honest, the fear of feeling dumb. Like, "Ugh, you should've known better. Shame on you. Fool me once, blah, blah, blah. Fool me twice, shame on me." That seems to trigger it But if you haven't caught on yet, the truth is you can't control. You cannot control anyone else but yourself. Seriously, tattoo that on my forehead so I don't forget it But real talk, you do have to trust the revealing, the unveiling, the process. Trust the universe, trust God, trust whatever higher thing, power, spirit, whatever you respond to, whatever you follow through, even if it's just yourself. I don't know it's been hard for me. Maybe it's because I've had multiple disappointments. Maybe I've had my hopes get up, just to be completely cut back down But as I was thinking about all of this and, and also just, like, journaling out today's episode and what I want to talk about, I did come to this place of Hope is worth it. I don't ever want to forget hope. I never wanna lose hope. You know, I mentioned the fear of feeling dumb, like, I should have known better. That triggers this control fixation There is nothing wrong with holding out hope or having hope. It's actually beautiful. It is beautiful that in this shitty world, especially the dating world where everyone is nonchalant and most people are scared of vulnerability, and what I mean by vulnerability is just, like, basic human connection, feeling seen, being afraid to feel seen, feeling inadequate, and they just ghost and they just disappear and they just... Ugh. Don't mean what they actually say. Like, shame on me for actually believing you and what you're gonna tell me. I'm not gonna lose that. Sure, you learn discernment, you try to get better at it, but also at the end of the day, like, I refuse to look at this all as a game. So yeah, I'm gonna make mistakes. It's how you learn, and you try better next time. I say this so, like, cool, calm, girl collected because I've thought about this a lot, but also it still really bothers me. I still get bummed. I still get sad. There's one connection in particular I'm thinking about that I'm still really bummed about. I really liked this guy, and I believed him, and he went radio silent. I don't know why. Who knows? I can't ruminate on that because I don't know the facts. It is what it is. But I'm not gonna feel dumb for believing him for what he said at the time. I'm not gonna feel dumb for holding out hope that, okay, maybe this, this might work out, you know? And on the flip side of that, I have to have enough self-worth in myself to know when to, to step away, to look away, to walk away, to stop trying, to stop chasing. Chasing is a need for control. Now, don't get me wrong, I do not agree that a guy or whatever should be the main person driving communication in, in that, but it is your responsibility to know when you are following up, pursuing versus chasing. If you're not getting met after several instances, you just need to stop. I guess that's where I'm at with it. But hope. Hope is a beautiful thing. We need more of it in this world. Hope is what carries you through. Hope is also one of the biggest heartbreaks. It's, it's kinda crazy how, how parallel, polarizing, hope can be. Cause again, holding out hope to be disappointed, ah, that's crushing. That's defeating. But holding out hope that it might work out, that's exciting. That's beautiful. And no uncertainty, no second-guessing, no lack of follow-through, no lack of communication, whatever the case may be, from anyone should ever make you question your worth, and that is hard. And I know I always talk about self-love and confidence on this podcast. I have been struggling with that myself recently well, was I not good enough? I mean, it makes sense why we default to that, but we shouldn't have to 'cause in reality, A, I don't know what's going on or why it didn't work out or why someone went radio silent. But chances are it is 90% them versus you. I, I'm sure of it. I will bet on that ratio. I will bet on those odds. So for all my lovers out there, my lover girls, lover boys, lover theys, thems, all of it, all of it and in between, don't lose hope. But also don't lose your self-worth. And also know when to walk away, when to say, "I'm tabling this. Maybe I'll leave the door cracked, but I'm not gonna hold any energy here." And just trust, and I say this with a sigh because, mm, I'm struggling with it myself again, that it is gonna all work out for you. I mean, I know it's going to. It's just frustrating. It is, it's hard putting yourself out there in terms of dating. I personally have taken a step back from dating apps. But I am gonna believe and hope and trust That there's gonna be somebody who chooses me, who's not intimidated by my depth, my vulnerability, by the mirror I cast on them, which I don't intend to do. It's just, I don't know, I guess I just bring that out in people. God, sue a woman who's got emotional intelligence and wants you to love yourself. Blah. And you know, I think all these, these messages and, and ideas pertain to life things outside of dating. So relate this to your own world, your own life, whatever else is going on. But don't lose hope. You are worth it, okay? Because also, at the end of the day, I gave love a chance And even if that's heartbreaking, disappointing, and sad, and it doesn't work out, how brave and badass, for you to believe in love, to have hope, to put it out there I have a lot of friends that are single, and there's different levels to their jadedness. And also, like, the hardened, I gotta protect myself mindset comes in waves. Sometimes they're a little bit more like take the walls down. Sometimes they're like, "Oh, we are a fortress." I will do my damnedest to never feel completely jaded. Don't get me wrong, I get upset, I get pissed, I get sad, I get all of the things. But I will not, lose my lover girl. Because love is a beautiful thing, And I refuse to let the patriarchy of all things get rid of my lover girl and my whimsy for that matter. I will always be a whimsical lover girl to the day that I die. Mark my words. Mark my words. I'm probably gonna have to re-listen to this episode myself in like probably next week, who knows, when I am down the, the spiral loop of I'm not good enough. Why not me? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So you know, your girl's not perfect, but that's why we talk about it, and we laugh about it, and we remind ourselves, okay, we went through the motions. We got to that low point, but bounce back up, baby, because we're a lover girl. We're amazing. It is an honor to be in my space. I want everyone to feel that way. It is an honor to be in your space. It is an honor to know you. It is an honor to love you. It is an honor to receive your love We need to cherish that. We need to cherish our essence, our energy, because it is an honor to be in our presence So despite the horrors, I will not give up. And I said horrors, not whores, not to be confused. Life and lessons with Liz. That could be another podcast name, I guess. With all that said and done about worth and, choosing yourself and not settling, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, I'm just gonna put it out there because I'm feeling a little spicy. what d- I was gonna say, what doesn't kill you, but that is so dramatic. What doesn't make you question your worth will show up in your story likes on Instagram. Okay. Well, that's all she wrote. And follow me on Instagram, @ElizabethCheney_ and @In.BetweenPod for the podcast updates. Then follow me on TikTok @InBetweenPodcast and on YouTube at The In Between Podcast. Love you. Thank you for being here. Thanks for hanging out with me, and i'll see you on the next In Between. I'm Elizabeth. Bye.