Lo Que Me Define

Refinery29 Somos writer Mercedes Viera offers up words of wisdom for anyone on a journey toward accepting and thriving in their gender truth, along with tools for setting boundaries and getting others to accept and honor you — just as you are.

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“Lo Que Me Define” was composed by Dahlia Lagos. Follow Dahlia on Instagram at @dahlial.

Transcript

Buenas. How are we doing today?

Let’s take a few minutes to slow down,

And honor who we truly are.

I get it. Sometimes it can be tough. 

Gender issues are deep-rooted in our culture.

But remember, you define your journey.

And of course, translating it into a completely different language is a whole other thing.

For me, it became a liiiittle easier to show the world how to embrace me, after I embraced myself.

I started with correcting how people address me, 

especially la familia and close friends.

Instead of saying ella o el, you can have them say elle. 

Osea: Elle está liste para este día, lleno de posibilidades y oportunidades. 

When they got worried or felt confused, I would say:

“No se preocupen, porque yo todavía soy yo.”

And I would say to myself:

Tu te defines, no one else. 

Y lo que te define es tu carácter. 

What you believe in, your hobbies, your passions. 

La versión que yo veo, the one I feel like, is still being built. 

It’s a work in progress.

[Exhale/Sigh] 

I didn’t get it perfect every time. 

That’s okay, because owning your true self takes time.

But we can always remind the people in our lives que

cada día es una nueva oportunidad para conocerte.

Because las personas que aceptarás en tu vida 

Deben ser las que no solo te amen, 

pero que también te respeten.

Showing your truth to people who may or may not accept it is hard. 

Especially the people that are your people. 

The thought of your relationships changing 

after you reveal your truth can be nerve wracking.  

It’s a lot. It’s scary. But all of your feelings are valid. 

I want you to remember this: 

We are all so much more than what our family sees. 

So much more than what the world sees.

Owning your true identity can be exhausting, but it can also be powerful and fun.

You determine the destination of your journey, 

And who you take on your ride. 

So set your own pace, and take your time.

And remember: 

You. Define. You.