Real Food Stories

100. Confused About Menopause? Try Your Husband!

• Heather Carey • Season 3 • Episode 100

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For my 100TH EPISODE(!!) I am talking to the men out there :)

Menopause has proven to be confusing enough for women, what with the total lack of information from their doctors or their mothers. 

If you are confused, try your husband or partner. They are even more in the dark. 

In today's episode, I am talking to the men out there, who are in a relationship with a woman in midlife and the menopause transition. I am going to educate you and some "secrets" to what is going on during the menopause transition such as:

  • What exactly happens during menopause;
  • What about those mysterious symptoms she keeps talking about? And how can I help?
  • Physical and emotional ways to understand and help your intimacy;
  • How hormones rule a woman's world;
  • The #1 secret to being the most supportive guy out there.

Join me as I break the silence around menopause, exploring its stages from perimenopause and the critical role of informed partners. This episode promises to equip you with the knowledge to strengthen your relationships during this natural transition.

This episode underscores the significance of being a supportive partner, emphasizing how shared changes can enhance the well-being for both of you. 

I would love to hear from you! What did you think of the episode? Share it with me :)

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Speaker 1:

Hello everybody and welcome back to Real Food Stories. Today I am diving into a topic that, let's be honest, can feel confusing, even overwhelming, for most women, and that is menopause and all things that have to do with menopause. But if you think you're confused about menopause, try your husband. But if you think you're confused about menopause, try your husband. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that he likely knows nothing about it, and that is absolutely not his fault.

Speaker 1:

Society hasn't done a great job of teaching anyone, women included, about what this stage of life is really like. There is no sex ed class, there is no continuing ed, and that, by the way, also applies to your general practitioner and your gynecologist. Hopefully this will begin to change, but from what I understand, most doctors get at most a few hours of training on the menopause transition. And why is that? We can certainly take guesses here. Gender bias against women and their medical issues in the medical field may be one reason, and it may simply be from the lack of importance in medical training. Menopause is not an acute illness, right, it is just something that happens to us, and there's been a lot of belief in that. We just have to suck it up and ride it out. I hope this changes, but, in short, it makes most women really in the dark about how menopause works. And if you don't know, your partner certainly does not know either. And here's the thing. It's on us to not only educate ourselves, but to also educate and inform the important people in our lives our partners, our families and, yes, especially the men in our lives who might be living through this transition alongside us. Menopause is a life change that impacts not just women, but everyone close to us. For partners, especially husbands, understanding what's happening is really essential. This isn't just about helping women and your partners be more empathetic and supportive. It's about building stronger relationships, and when men are educated about menopause, they are so much more better equipped to support, listen and truly be there for their partners, because this time of a woman's life is a gigantic deal. So here's what I'm planning on doing today.

Speaker 1:

In this episode, I am talking to the men out there who have a partner or a sister or a mother or any woman related to you that is going through menopause and midlife, so I can catch you up to speed and give you a little education on what is going on with your female partner or person, and then next week I am bringing in a real life man, my husband Mark, to ask me questions, and I'm going to ask him questions too. But I want him to ask me questions first about what he might be thinking and believing about the changes going on in my own life right now, because I am a woman in midlife and in menopause and I can tell you this it's not always easy for a woman to express to a man the magnitude of the change that is happening in her body, mind and spirit in the menopause transition. Women talking together with women have a hard enough time, so to include the men in our lives sometimes feels impossible because kind of like childbirth. You will never, ever really know what it's like to have this experience. But it goes a long way if you can have some understanding, and I can tell you from experience that the more you are familiar with what your partner is going through, the better. So, partners of women going through menopause, here are some key takeaways and a little education to help you understand better what is happening right now. And I keep saying partner, but what I said before, I mean the women that you are around your sisters, your mother, your cousins, your aunts everyone's going through it, so no one's immune. So what I wanted to do is just back up a minute and break down what menopause is and is not. So we're all on the same page Now.

Speaker 1:

First of all, just know that menopause is a natural phase in a woman's life. There is not a single woman who is immune to going through menopause is a natural phase in a woman's life. There is not a single woman who is immune to going through menopause. I call it a transition because it takes years for menopause to really occur. Basically, a woman stops producing the hormones that regulate her menstrual cycle, and those are mainly estrogen and progesterone. Think of it as her body transitioning from its reproductive years, where you are having children and you're able to have children, to a new stage where she no longer has periods and she can no longer get pregnant. It's totally normal and every woman on the planet will experience it. Now, it doesn't happen overnight. It actually is a process that happens in stages.

Speaker 1:

First you go through perimenopause. This was kind of new for me when I started going through perimenopause because I, like many women, had just heard about the big M menopause. But perimenopause is really the first stage, and it can start when a woman is in her 40s, sometimes even earlier. During this time, a woman's hormone levels start to fluctuate, and this can be anything from a slow and gradual stopping or it can feel like a wild roller coaster ride. A woman's body at this time is just slowly winding down her hormone production. She might still have periods, but they'll become irregular, and she might experience weird symptoms that, I can guarantee you, she is not fully prepared for, and I'll talk about those in a minute. What I want to emphasize here is that a lot happens during this stage, and this stage can last for years. You can think of perimenopause kind of like puberty in reverse, and it's kind of like a warm-up for menopause itself.

Speaker 1:

So then there is menopause. The word menopause is used as if it is the whole shebang, but really this is just the point. When a woman hasn't had a period for 12 months in a row, at the 12-month mark, you are considered menopausal. At this point your body is done with the cycle of producing the hormones that trigger periods. But it's not just about period stopping, it's all about the changes her body has been going through up until this point, which then brings us to postmenopause. This is the stage after menopause that basically lasts the rest of her life. I'm not even sure why they call it postmenopause, because this stage doesn't go away. We are always in menopause or postmenopause. It's not like a light switch suddenly turns on and we're postmenopause and menopause is over, but because hormone levels have leveled out a little bit more, there's less of that wild ride. It feels a little more, even keeled, but they're still much lower than before and some symptoms can certainly continue.

Speaker 1:

And hormones, particularly estrogen, are responsible for so many things in a woman's body. For some women, this is when they might have a higher risk for things like bone loss or heart disease, because those hormones helped protect their bodies in a variety of different ways. So, for example, osteoporosis can definitely start to pop up in your 40s 50s, a rise in cholesterol can occur, heart disease, things like that. I like to think of menopause, like I said, as a transition where a woman's body is shifting out of the reproductive phase and it then goes through those three stages perimenopause, menopause and postmenopause. It's a totally normal process, but it can come with symptoms that might be tough to manage and that's why understanding what's going on is so important for both of you. Okay. So menopause does not just end that wild ride of hormones.

Speaker 1:

Typically kicks off a whole set of changes, and let me tell you, it's not exactly a walk in the park. Every woman is different, but most women experience a few symptoms at the very least, some more, some less, but here are the top symptoms that are usually the focus. So, first up, there are things called hot flashes. Imagine suddenly feeling like you have stepped into a sauna out of nowhere. Like you have stepped into a sauna out of nowhere. She could be sitting on the couch and, bam, she's roasting. Sometimes it's really intense. She's sweating and feels like she has to peel off layers of clothes, even if it's freezing outside. And at nighttime these hot flashes turn into what we call night sweats, which can wake her up and really mess with her sleep. And speaking of sleep, there's a good chance that your partner or your other women in your life are not getting enough of it. Between night sweats and other changes, sleep becomes harder to come by. A lot of women start to complain of just insomnia or just waking up in the middle of the night. So if she seems more tired or irritated, lack of sleep might be a part of it, and then there can be some mood swings.

Speaker 1:

Yep, hormone changes can mean emotions might be a little bit all over the place. It could feel sometimes like you are PMSing, which is how you feel before you get your period, but more often and more consistently she might feel annoyed one minute, sad the next. Sometimes she can't even explain why, and, believe me, no woman wants to experience this. It's frustrating for her too, and one really important symptom that I don't want anyone to ignore, women included, is vaginal dryness. Now, I know this is not a fun topic, but it's a real thing. Hormones just affect natural lubrication, so sex can be uncomfortable or even painful. Sometimes that can translate into her feeling a little less interested and intimacy might just be confusing for a little while. But it's just her body adjusting and it's nothing personal and it's definitely something that you want to communicate more about, and there are things to help you which I'm going to get to in a minute.

Speaker 1:

Now she might also be getting this thing that's sometimes referred to as brain fog feeling forgetful or having a hard time focusing. Walk into a room and you totally forget why you walked into it, or you don't remember where you parked your car when you walk out of a store. But this can happen a lot. It's totally normal. It doesn't mean that she has dementia or that she's got some Alzheimer's or anything wrong with her like that. It's just part of the wild party that we're in right now in menopause. And on top of all of this, her body might start changing in other ways too.

Speaker 1:

Weight gain for women is probably the number one complaint about menopause. Women, typically, because of our drop in estrogen, we'll start to gain a little more weight or shift weight, particularly around our belly area. So the way that she was eating, that maybe the diets that she went on to lose a quick five pounds, things that she used to take for granted might not be working anymore, and it can feel really, really frustrating to a woman. It's really out of her control and it would be incredibly helpful to just be there to listen, not fix, just really listen. It's a hard time. The same way, puberty felt like a hard time, but this time we women are backing out of our hormone production, so we're going backwards and it sometimes just doesn't feel good and it can stir up a lot of feelings. Some women feel excited to stop getting their periods and be done with the whole thing, while for others it can almost feel like you're in mourning. You're losing your youth. Talk to her about it. I promise it will go a long way.

Speaker 1:

All right, let's talk about hormone replacement therapy and why it's worth knowing about if your partner is going through menopause. A lot of guys are pretty clueless about this stuff. No fault of yours, okay, because most women are pretty clueless about hormones as well. So let's get to it, because it's an important decision to make during the menopause transition. When women go through menopause, like I said before, their levels of estrogen and progesterone drop a lot. These two hormones alone control a ton of things in the body. So when they start to dip, it's like the body goes off balance in the body. So when they start to dip, it's like the body goes off balance.

Speaker 1:

Hormone replacement therapy works by adding some of those hormones back in to help bring that balance back. So think of it this way Hormone replacement therapy is like refilling a tank that's suddenly empty. By adding a bit of those hormones back in, it can help reduce some of the roughest symptoms, like those intense hot flashes where she feels like she's burning up out of nowhere, or those night sweats that mess with her sleep. She gets some relief and it helps her sleep better, which, let's be honest, helps everyone. It's not just about comfort, though. Hormone replacement therapy can help stabilize her mood too. Imagine feeling steady again after weeks or months of being on an emotional roller coaster. It's a big deal for a lot of women, and it can make things feel just more normal. And here's another great one Estrogen actually helps keep bones strong, so when her levels drop, her bones get weaker over time. Hormone replacement therapy can help keep bones healthier and stronger, which matters for long-term health.

Speaker 1:

Another thing that most guys don't realize is that menopause can cause some real dryness that makes intimacy really uncomfortable. Menopause can cause some real dryness that makes intimacy really uncomfortable. Hormone replacement therapy helps bring back some natural lubrication, making things feel so much better and bringing back some confidence too. So if you see your partner dealing with these symptoms, hormone replacement therapy might be something worth talking about with her. It's not for every woman. It's something that she needs to definitely discuss with her gynecologist. She also might want to try more natural things like supplements or herbs, but honestly, there's nothing that works like hormone replacement therapy nothing. There is no supplement or herb out there that's going to take the place of just replacing some estrogen. You don't have to know all the details here, but the main thing is just bringing it up and being supportive. Shows her you're there for her. A lot of women feel like they are very on their own island with this stuff, so just having someone who's open to talking about it can make a huge difference. All right, let's talk about those mood changes I talked about before during menopause, because, yes, they are definitely real, but it's not just about hormones.

Speaker 1:

Just like anyone in midlife, women go through a lot of emotional changes. Menopause definitely shakes things up, but other life stuff comes into play as well, like career pressures, family issues or just the fact that life feels different than it did 10 or 20 years ago. It's a big transition and that can make emotions run high. Now, menopause itself does mean hormones are shifting in a way that affects mood. Our estrogen levels drop, which impacts things like sleep, energy and, yes, emotional stability. It's not that women are having tantrums and overreacting. It's more that, for some, certain emotions feel closer to the surface. Just like when anyone goes through a big life change, it's hard to always feel steady. This isn't so different from what a lot of men go through in midlife. Right, you're going through it too. There's a point where things just might feel a little heavier and what used to feel easy might start to feel different. Women are just dealing with the physical side of menopause on top of all of that, which can add another layer to how they're feeling day to day.

Speaker 1:

So if you notice your partner seems more edgy or a little more emotional, try to see it as part of a larger picture. A little more emotional. Try to see it as part of a larger picture. She's managing a lot at once, not just on the outside, but on the inside too. Instead of assuming it's just hormones, check in with her and see how she's feeling. Maybe she needs support or maybe she needs space. Just showing her that you get it, or that you're at least trying to, can go a long way. And hey, here's the truth. This phase doesn't last forever. It's a transition and things do settle and the best part, being there for each other through these changes can actually make your relationship stronger.

Speaker 1:

All right, let's talk about that weight gain in midlife, because, honestly, it's something a lot of women deal with, as do men. So I don't wanna give men like all the hall pass here, but for women there's this extra layer of pressure that society and social media put on them to stay thin and look as young as possible. It's relentless and it can be absolutely exhausting. Here's the thing During menopause, women's bodies do go through some real changes that impact how weight is stored. Hormones like estrogen drop we know this now which can actually slow down your metabolism. The body starts storing more fat, especially around the midsection, and it doesn't always respond to the same diet and exercise routines that worked before. So it's not as simple as just work out more and eat less.

Speaker 1:

And, let's be honest, this can be totally incredibly frustrating when women feel like they're doing everything right, but their body is changing anyway. It can really affect confidence, mood, even your self-worth. For some it feels like fighting an uphill battle, especially when we're all surrounded by images of youth and thinness that don't really reflect what healthy looks like in midlife. So if your partner is going through this, just know that it's not just about looks. It's about how she feels in her own skin and the pressure to meet a standard that's often impossible. The best thing you can do is to be supportive. Remind her that she's more than a number on the scale and help her focus on feeling strong and healthy in ways that matter most to her, not society's expectations, because, at the end of the day, the goal is to feel good in your own body, no matter what the scale says.

Speaker 1:

Midlife is a phase that requires new approaches and a lot of grace for women and men alike. Let's talk nutrition, because I am a culinary nutritionist and this is a big topic for me, and, as women go through this midlife and menopause transition, I am very focused on what we should be eating, what we can eat and how we eat. Now, nutrition is one of those things that becomes a little different in midlife, for both men and women. Our bodies are changing, and the way we fuel them has to shift to keep up. This isn't just about restrictive diets, though, or trying to shrink down. It's about finding the foods that genuinely make us feel good, strong and energized.

Speaker 1:

In midlife, the body starts needing a few things a bit more than it did before, for both men and women, by the way. Protein, for example, becomes crucial because it helps maintain muscle, which naturally starts to decline as we age. The less muscle we have, the slower our metabolism, so we want to keep our muscles nice and strong. It also helps prevent us from falling, it helps with balance, it helps with healing, it helps with a lot. So we want to emphasize more protein at every single meal and snack. Fiber is a big one, too, because it supports our digestion, it helps manage blood sugar levels and it helps keep us feeling fuller longer. And another one that I really emphasize mostly for women, but for men too is calcium, along with vitamin D. These are especially important for bone health, since our bones start to lose that density over time.

Speaker 1:

The goal here isn't to count calories or follow some scary fad diet. It's about adding in nutrient-rich foods that make us feel steady and satisfied. This is the time. The time is now to start getting more serious about your health. Think of it as a new kind of balance. We want whole grains, fruits, vegetables, healthy fats and a good amount of protein. This way of eating doesn't just support our physical health. It can help with our energy levels, our mood, and even help us sleep better.

Speaker 1:

The better that women eat at this period, the better their menopause symptoms. So for couples going through this together, it's a great time to support each other in making healthy choices. You can cook meals together with real whole ingredients, try out new recipes, maybe even swap a night of takeout for a home-cooked meal. These can all go a long way, and it's not about doing it perfectly every time. I'm not about perfect here. Just keep things steady, consistent and nourishing. Ultimately, midlife nutrition is about fueling your body to feel your best, not about restriction and punishment. We are so done with that. It's about what we're adding in to help us thrive rather than what we are cutting out. And doing this together. And for a woman, knowing that your partner is in this with you can really go a long way. It can feel less like a chore and more like a way of caring for each other as you take care of yourselves.

Speaker 1:

Okay, I want to side note and talk about alcohol for a second, because alcohol is one of those biggies that kind of gets ramped up in midlife Because, as women going through menopause, when they're feeling particularly miserable, one thing that can temporarily make them feel better is a couple of glasses of wine or just some drinks at nighttime. So let's get into alcohol and how it affects our bodies. So you are educated. A lot of us grew up hearing that a glass of wine might be good for the heart, but honestly, there is no strong evidence that alcohol provides any real health benefits and as we age, it actually creates more issues than most people realize.

Speaker 1:

For women going through menopause, alcohol can make things a lot harder. It's a known trigger for hot flashes and night sweats, which are really uncomfortable on their own. Drinking even just one or two glasses can make these symptoms worse and disrupt sleep, which many women already struggle with during this time. And poor sleep, as we know, can set off a whole chain reaction affecting mood, energy and overall health. Our sleep is everything right now. Alcohol also impacts overall health for both men and women. As we get older, so this is not just a female thing. Our bodies become less efficient at processing it, which means more dehydration, more inflammation, an increased strain on the liver and your heart. There's also a real link between alcohol and higher risks for cancers, especially breast cancer, in women, and for both men and women. Drinking over time raises our overall risk of heart disease, diabetes and a lot of other serious conditions and cancers.

Speaker 1:

So if you're in midlife and you're noticing that alcohol is just not sitting well with you, or you're questioning your drinking or you are clueless about this and you are just getting educated on this for the first time. It might be worth cutting back or avoiding it altogether. This isn't about missing out on things, and I understand the society's pressure around it, but it's so worth it if you and your partner are feeling better, sleeping better and giving your body the best support possible and, honestly, if both you and your partner are on the same page about drinking less or not at all, it's so much easier to make that choice together. You don't need alcohol to unwind, have fun or feel good, especially if it's not serving your health. Your health is everything. Sometimes, the best choice is the one that simply helps you feel more like yourself. So here's the bottom line Lifestyle changes like eating well, exercising, managing stress, cutting out alcohol, are huge for helping your partner feel better during menopause, and the best thing you can do is to be a supportive partner who's willing to join in and make these changes together.

Speaker 1:

I promise you this will go so far in your relationship. Cook meals together, plan active dates, find ways to unwind that don't involve alcohol. It's all about showing that you are on her team. Remember, this is not about being perfect. It's about making small changes that add up and showing her that you're there, no matter what. Menopause can be such a tough time, but with the right support, it's something you can get through together, feeling better and healthier on the other side. So let's bring it all together.

Speaker 1:

Menopause is a huge change and, honestly, having the right support can make all the difference for a woman going through it. If you're looking to be there for your partner, it's not about having all the answers. It's not about fixing or trying to take control of it. It's about showing up with empathy, patience and an open mind. It's also not about knowing everything about it. It's about showing up with empathy, patience and an open mind. It's also not about knowing everything about it. Women are equally as confused about menopause, but it is just about showing up. One of the most powerful things you can do is to just listen. Menopause can feel really isolating, especially since it's something that's rarely talked about openly. Just being there to hear her, without judgment, can be a huge relief. Not trying to tell her what to do or suggesting things that she should be doing, just listening.

Speaker 1:

Menopause has so many layers physical symptoms, mood changes, self-image shifts so knowing that she doesn't have to carry. That all on her own can make a world of difference. Then think about how you can support her practically. For instance, if she's making changes to her nutrition or lifestyle, consider doing it with her. Changes to her nutrition or lifestyle, consider doing it with her. Try those new foods. Plan meals that align with her health goals because I can tell you that they are your health goals too and cutting back on things like alcohol. Together can make the journey feel a little less daunting.

Speaker 1:

It's not just about fixing symptoms. It's about embracing this phase of our lives together and showing her that her well-being matters and yours does, too. Predictable. So if she's having a hard day or seems off, you can simply say something like how can I support you right now? That can go a long, long way. You might be surprised at how much just asking means to her.

Speaker 1:

It's not about understanding every detail of menopause. She knows that it's complicated as well. It's about being there and just showing that you care. Complicated as well. It's about being there and just showing that you care. And finally, just keep in mind that this phase, this transition, does not last forever. Menopause can last for a number of years, but things do settle down with time and supporting each other through these changes strengthens your relationship and it deepens your connection. The best thing you can give her is the feeling that you both are in this together, and that's incredibly powerful.

Speaker 1:

So, at the end of the day, menopause is a big life change for her, and it doesn't have to be a negative thing for your relationship. If anything, it's an opportunity to connect on a deeper level. So keep communication open, be patient and understanding when it comes to sexual health and show your support in ways that matter most. You're a team and when you go through these things together, it only makes you stronger. And next week, I said, I am bringing on my real life man to the podcast, my husband Mark, who is going to ask me some questions, and I am going to ask him some questions too about this time of our life. I think you'll get a lot out of it. So be sure to tune in, and I thank you for showing up today for your partner and to show support.

Speaker 1:

All right, so that's the lowdown on what men need to know about in menopause. It's a big transition, no doubt, but the more you understand it, the better you can show up for your partner. It's all about being there, having those open conversations and making the changes together. Remember, this isn't just about something she's going through alone. This is not just a woman thing. Menopause affects both of you, and the more you can lean into that, the stronger your relationship will be.

Speaker 1:

So if you take anything away from today's episode, let it be this listen, communicate and just be patient. You don't have to know everything, and it's okay to feel out of your element, but your willingness to learn and support her is what really counts. This is about being a team and showing up for each other, no matter what. And hey, if this episode helped you or if you've got questions or thoughts, I would love to hear from you. You can check me out on social media. Links are in the show notes. My email is also in the show notes. I'd love to hear from you through email and let's keep this conversation going. Thanks so much for tuning in today and remember, knowledge is power, especially when it comes to understanding and supporting the people you care about most. I'll see you next time.