Real Food Stories
The question of "what to eat" can feel endlessly confusing, especially when we contend with our own deeply ingrained beliefs and stories around food. Blame social media, the headline news, and let's not get started on family influences. Passed down from generations of women and men to their daughters, it's no wonder women are so baffled about how to stay healthy the older we get.
As a nutritionist and healthy eating chef, combined with her own personal and professional experience, Heather Carey has been connected to years of stories related to diets, weight loss, food fads, staying healthy, cooking well, and eating well. Beliefs around food start the day we try our first vegetables as babies and get solidified through our families, cultures, and messages we receive throughout our lifetime.
We have the power to call out our food beliefs so we can finally make peace with what we eat and get on with enjoying the real food and lives we deserve. Listen in to find out how to have your own happy ending to your real food story. Connect with Heather at heather@heathercarey.com or visit her website at www.heathercarey.com or www.greenpalettekitchen.com
Real Food Stories
113. Breaking Free from Wine Mom Culture with Emily Allen
Emily Allen transformed her relationship with alcohol while raising her children, and now guides women in creating an exciting next chapter filled with clarity, authentic connections, and true freedom as they transition to their empty nest years.
• Daily wine had become a numbing ritual, especially during COVID lockdowns
• A horrible Christmas morning hangover became the turning point
• Dry January 2021 became the gateway to permanent sobriety
• Sleep quality dramatically improved within weeks of quitting
• "Wine mom culture" normalizes drinking as necessary for stress management
• Moderation attempts create mental gymnastics and decision fatigue
• Social relationships often shift, revealing which connections were alcohol-dependent
• Breaking neural pathways requires creating new evening rituals
• Midlife health risks from alcohol increase significantly, especially breast cancer risk
• Baseline anxiety levels noticeably decrease after sustained sobriety
• Empty nesting provides the perfect opportunity for transformation
• Emily now offers a 12-week group program launching May 12th
Visit livingfreewithemily.com to join the waitlist for Emily's 12-week group program or take her free "alcohol-free personality" quiz.
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Hi everybody and welcome back to the Real Food Stories podcast. Before we dive into today's conversation, I want to take a moment to acknowledge something we all know but don't always talk about openly, and that is our drinking. Alcohol isn't doing us any favors. I think that is pretty clear by now, especially in midlife. Alcohol has been a huge focus in the news lately and I believe that the research is crystal clear Alcohol can negatively impact our weight, make us more prone to certain cancers, heart disease, diabetes, and not to mention our sleep, our hormones, our metabolism and our overall well-being. And yet for so many of us, alcohol has such a strong pull Whether it's the social aspect, the stress relief we associate with it or simply the habit letting go of alcohol can feel really challenging. So that's why I'm so excited for today's guest, because she has been been there and she's experienced that pull firsthand.
Speaker 1:So let me introduce you to Emily Allen. Emily is a certified alcohol-free life coach who helps women break free from wine mom culture as they transition to their empty nest years, to their empty nest years. After transforming her own relationship with alcohol while raising her two children, she now guides women in creating an exciting next chapter filled with clarity, authentic connections and true freedom. Her unique approach combines alcohol-free living with midlife transformations, helping women turn this major life transition into an opportunity for profound personal growth. So welcome Emily, I'm so excited to have you today. Helping Women Turned this Major Life Transition Into an Opportunity for Profound Personal Growth. So welcome Emily, I'm so excited to have you today.
Speaker 2:Thank you, I'm so excited to be here.
Speaker 1:This is an honor. Let's just jump into your story first. I want to hear how you got here, what drinking was like for you in your quote unquote former life, and how did you know that it was time to stop. Yeah.
Speaker 2:So I, um, I've, I started drinking socially I would call it, you know, back like it was really. It was after I was married, but it was more of just a social way when we go out with other couples. And then as we we adopted our children and so I wasn't really drinking much, then I mean, I still use it as just like a way to socialize, a way to you know, have quote unquote fun. And then, as the years progressed, I noticed that it was becoming more of a habit, like with other moms, you know, we would have mom's nights out. That always involves, you know, wine and food, and then so, and then, as my kids got older, and then, especially during COVID, because I was not going out, and so quote unquote socializing with others, but I was still having nightly wine. It was a rare occasion that I didn't drink at night and it was just a way for what I started to recognize. It was a way for me to just like numb out, basically. I mean, I didn't understand it at the time, but that's what I was doing, just sort of numbing out, especially with all the stress that was going on, and I really got to the point where I realized there was not a single night that I wouldn't do it, and I knew it was affecting my sleep. And I knew it was affecting my sleep. I knew because I and I would wake up in the mornings feeling that hungover, dry mouth, headache, just low energy every single morning, and I got so used to it that I almost just thought that was normal.
Speaker 2:And then it was Christmas Eve I guess 2020. I, you know, stayed up finishing up wrapping presents, drinking, and I could just refill my glass. Like you know, nobody was there to count and I wasn't counting, and so when I woke up Christmas morning, I just had a horrible hangover and I'm like this is not how. This is not. What am I doing? Like, why am I doing this over and over again? This is not who I want to be.
Speaker 2:I know there's so much more, but I was so scared to to try because it was my security blanket, so but I did decide. I was like I'm going to try dry January 2021. I'm like I'm just going to try it and I really didn't want to tell people because I was afraid that I couldn't do it, but I did it and I mean we can talk more about how that went, but that was the turning point for me was just taking that break and seeing the different, feeling the differences, and seeing the differences almost immediately, I mean within the first three weeks. I was definitely aware of how much better I felt.
Speaker 1:It's this like wine, mom culture right, it's mommy's juice moms need to drink. I definitely had that too. I mean there was absolutely this camaraderie and this just general overall thinking like, yeah, you definitely need a glass of wine every single night, like how else are you going to deal with your young kids? And knowing in the back of my head like I know that that's kind of wrong, but everyone's doing it, yes, so I mean it just makes it so acceptable. And then it sounds like for you. Then it turned. You know, once you had like the COVID happened and you had it wasn't really about social life. You couldn't like say, well, I'm having a mom's night out or I'm having to. But then it shifted to something else. Like I need to cope, it's COVID. I'm sure for you, like all of us, it was like extremely stressful. And and then you had your, your light bulb moment right On Christmas.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I yes, I can relate to that too. I had, I had one of those days, too, where I woke up extremely hungover and said I just, I mean, I don't know what it was, my intuition, my, my higher power, I don't know what it was, my intuition, my higher power, I don't know, you know just something like you can't do this anymore.
Speaker 1:And I knew and at that point for me I was going into, I was about to step into like empty nesting and stuff, and I knew that that would be a big mistake if I were still drinking, that if I had no kids at home, it was just my husband and myself I just I knew intuitively that that was not going to serve me well. So I'm almost, you know, in a way like looking back and maybe you too feel like I'm glad for that experience, that I had that one night that I had. That just made me feel like enough is enough. How about you? Did you feel the same?
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, for sure. And I was thinking about when you were talking to like with, with COVID and using it to cope and all of that, and then also thinking I'm increasing my alcohol use so much, like when it's over, what am I going to? Am I now like all of a sudden just drinking two bottles of wine a night, like how does that happen, you know, and how do I almost like, how do I maintain that? Do I don't want to maintain that? And also thinking about the future, future, me especially as empty nest is approaching.
Speaker 2:At that time my kids were still at home. Now I have one in college and one who's in high school, but I thought, once they're older, gone, yeah, I would just continue to do this and feel like there's. No, I don't have to drive anybody anywhere, I don't have to, you know, go to a early morning soccer game so I can be hung over in the morning. And who's it going to affect? Just me? And thinking even further into, like when I'm potentially a grandmother who knows, you know, that may happen, it may not, but I don't want, you know, my kids to think well, we don't want grandma to take care, help take care of the kids, because she couldn't you know she's might start drinking later that night, like all of that.
Speaker 2:Just sort of those when I would wake up at three in the morning with that surge of adrenaline that comes after a night of drinking. Sometimes those thoughts would pop into my mind and then you just think, oh my gosh, this has got to stop. But then five o'clock comes around and you just pick it up again, pick up the glass again and keep going. So yeah, once I, once I got through that first day, honestly the first, that first full day, january 1st. I I mean I was hung over again because, because New Year's Eve, I was like this might, this might, who knows, this might be the last hurrah, yeah, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2:It's like, let's finish off all of the wine in the house, um. So I probably felt bad enough on that day that it was okay. So we'll say, maybe like the second day of january when I was like this is it? I'm fully like, don't have. I mean, I still obviously had the effects of alcohol in my system.
Speaker 2:But that day of just getting through it, getting through dinner time especially, was my trigger time because I would, you know, when I was cooking dinner I would oh, that's when I would start drinking for the evening, Like I would start when I started making dinner. Such a routine, such a habit that I was thinking how am I going to do this? And I just did it with I still use my exact same like stimulus wine glass that I would use, but I put in LaCroix and I had orange slices. You know just whatever I could do to still feel like that had that ritual. But get through that day. And once I got through that day, it just gave me that hope of like I can do, I can possibly do this Like, and I started feeling better by day seven. I mean it took a little while.
Speaker 2:Sleep was rough those first few nights Cause I was used to having enough alcohol in my system that I could just, you know, basically lay down, fall asleep. So once the alcohol was out, then my whole my body was trying to learn how to fall asleep on its own. So that was a little rough at first, a little unexpected, but then, once I got through that, then sleep was like glorious, Like the best thing I ever had. I would wake up feeling like amazing. I was like, oh, this is how I'm supposed to feel.
Speaker 1:This is how you're supposed to sleep, right, and you wake up feeling yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so that was just amazing. So that just encouraged me to keep going to see. I knew that there were other positive effects that might take longer to show up, but that just gave me that push, that, yeah, you are doing this and this is what you're supposed to be doing, and even though it's, it wasn't super duper easy peasy, but it was. I knew I could do it January too.
Speaker 1:But my mindset was very different, because I was in a mindset of I'm going to have to tough out 30 days or 31 days, I guess. And and then I'm you know, I cannot wait for February 1st, right, like I can't like just get me through it. Like I was like, you know, like gripping, and I think the two times I had tried it I don't even think I made it, because then my birthday is in January. And then there's something else, you know, like the Super Bowl was something like there's always something to to divert me. So when I stopped and I said to myself it wasn't, it wasn't January, it was a random day in May, so it was.
Speaker 1:But I said I'm going to go 30 days and my mindset felt very different. Then I just felt like I had maybe more of like a why behind it, like why. I mean that was the difference. So when you stopped for you know, because a lot of people do dry January and then either probably like me, like don't make it, and you know, like things it's like any resolution, things just fade away or they make it and then they stop.
Speaker 1:They start drinking again. So what was the difference for you that got you past like day 31?
Speaker 2:in.
Speaker 1:January.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think I kind of used dry January as like my cover, because so many people do it like you say, and so it was a way that I could just say I'm doing dry January. In my mind, I knew I wanted to quit forever. I knew I needed to quit but I was, so I was terrified that I really wouldn't be able to do it. And then what does that say about me? I'm like what does that mean if I can't make it 31 days or even two weeks? So I used it to protect myself and that I could tell people that without feeling any kind of weirdness, because there's always this judgment I don't know if it's just a perceived judgment or if there is literal judgment but you feel like, if you are taking a break, that there's something quote unquote like wrong with you, that you can't handle alcohol.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you have a problem. You have a problem, right.
Speaker 2:Yes, so I had. You know, I felt that in me at the time. You know now I've completely been able to release all of that, which is amazing, but at the time that's where I was. So I knew I wanted to quit. I knew I wanted that to be the end. And getting myself through that month I feel like that by the end of January I knew there was no going back for me and I knew moderation was never going to work for me. I had tried to semi moderate, not in the terms of not drinking on certain days, but just not drinking as much on certain days, like oh, during the week I'll only have one glass, and just that whole mental gymnastics.
Speaker 1:Well, there's always an excuse, right? I mean moderation, I think, is the most fusing word in the English language, because I mean even when it comes to food, you know, like everything in moderation. But what on earth does moderation mean? I did the same thing. I mean even when it comes to food, you know, right, like everything in moderation. But what on earth does moderation mean? I did the same thing. I mean I said a hundred times you know, I'm only going to drink on the weekends, I'm only going to maybe on like a Tuesday if I go with friends and a Saturday. But then what happens? If it's Wednesday and friends want to go out, then do I not drink on that Wednesday, do I? I mean, I think you know I call it decision fatigue. You probably have heard of that. I mean there's just, you know, like try. So I think when I then quit I was like it is just a no, it's a no, and that just felt so much easier for me than to try to figure out moderation.
Speaker 2:Totally. Yeah, it's the weight off of your shoulders. Yeah, your no means no.
Speaker 1:It's just a no. I mean just like, let's not try to like right, I'll only have two drinks on Friday. I don't know it, just that never worked for me.
Speaker 2:So yeah, Cause there's always the somebody else you know just tops off your glass, and all of a sudden, now it's two and a half. And then, well, why am I? Why not just have?
Speaker 1:four Right, right, yeah. So that got yeah. So I think moderation I mean some people can do moderation, but I think for the rest of us that if you're really serious about losing alcohol in your life, I think moderation is much harder, I think, than just stopping it.
Speaker 2:I agree Totally so much harder because, yeah, trying to keep track and bargaining with yourself and then you inevitably let yourself down and that feeling is icky and that's what I was feeling over and over, I was always letting myself down and I feel like that's how moderation can get eventually for people who are trying to do that.
Speaker 1:But yeah, yeah, yes, I know, and I think so. When I stopped drinking for good, I think that was a big driver for me, as I didn't want to let myself down. I was this felt too important to me and I wanted to keep going. And I made it to like my, you know, I kind of did increments of 30 days and like I couldn't believe I did 30 days and like you know, and then I was like, let me challenge myself to do another 30 days. And when I got to day 60, I was astounded. I hadn't gone 60 days in years, you know. And then it just like kept going. And then I could, you know, and then all of a sudden it's a year now, it's almost seven years in May, in May for me, and and I, you know, and I'm, you know, I'm sure, same for you, that probably was the same feeling like wow, like you know, all of a sudden here it is a couple of months and a year, then two years, and and it's, and it's a really nice feeling.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but you, but along the way, there's a lot of things you mentioned a couple of things like the judgment from people and the fear of that, and I definitely felt so much of that too. I mean there's you know, I think in the end you will. You might lose friends, you might your friendships shift. Yeah right, because those people that you are, that you know, you realize, the people that you bonded with through alcohol or wine, you know that once you stop, that might make them uncomfortable or they don't know how to relate to you without having a glass of wine in your hand and did you feel like that happened with you?
Speaker 2:yeah, and I was. That was probably what I was. That was up there in my level of things that I was nervous about, um, and COVID kind of protected me too because I wasn't going out and in 2021, you know, things were kind of slowly starting but at the time so that also gave me this little cover blanket of not being out with a friend and then mean being all of a sudden not ordering wine, but eventually it did. You know, all those experiences did happen, but I kind of had some time under my belt and felt a lot more confident in myself. So I mean, I think, for anybody who's thinking about it and is nervous about that, I mean you can always sort of find ways to not necessarily go out at first if you feel like that's going to be the thing that's going to hold you back. I mean there's ways to get out of it.
Speaker 2:The first time, ordering like a club soda and lime or something you know, at a restaurant that's a nice restaurant that has a beautiful wine list and, you know, beautiful bar and all that it did it felt strange. But then once it arrived and I was drinking that I felt so empowered. It's like here I am, I'm going to feel great tomorrow morning and I just kind of got through that first hurdle and and it felt amazing. And so after that kind of just getting through that first encounter, it's been, it's not. It doesn't bother me at all anymore, and I do know that it probably I don't. Well, I don't say no, but I feel like if I'm with other people who are all drinking, it might feel awkward to them that I'm not, but I don't care anymore.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't care anymore either. But I know that when I first was out socializing with people that I was so afraid of them being uncomfortable with my not drinking yes, which sounds so silly now, but but back that, that's just how I was like oh, I don't want them to feel uncomfortable, I'm not going to be drinking a glass of wine. I'm really happy that I didn't ever cave into that. You know and and I think sometimes you right so you do have have to maybe shift your socializing a little bit. I mean, even still now. I mean a lot of times I'll just, rather than meet friends out at a bar for their glasses of wine, I'll meet for coffee, or I'll meet for breakfast, or just something different like that. Do you feel like that? You kind of shifted your socializing?
Speaker 2:yeah, totally and and I'm just, it shows too how much you can get to know somebody so much better when you are, yeah, like having breakfast, having coffee, going for a walk, versus it being, yeah, like you know the scene at the bar ordering the glasses, talking about the wine.
Speaker 2:You know like, you know the scene at the bar ordering the glasses talking about the wine. You know just it all sort of revolved around that so surface level, and then after a certain amount of time you're just repeating yourself too. You know, once everybody's been drinking for a couple hours, nobody's really listening to each other, it's just you know Exactly listening to each other. It's just you know exactly. So that has changed. And then now when I do spend time with friends, I feel like I'm actually getting to know them and talking about real things and and that has been a huge in the meeting new people to like, I've tried to be in places where there are more people that might not necessarily be sober but just kind of just it's secondary or tertiary, like they don't even really care about it that much, and so that's been amazing to just opening myself up to new friendships and new relationships that are based off of just wanting to get to know each other.
Speaker 1:So, absolutely, I mean, that is something I've I've wanted to do too is to seek out people who were, like alcohol is not the main focus and that it's not the main activity. That we're doing because I certainly was doing that and I want to have real conversations and real friendships and, like I said before, I mean I some of my my relationships with some friends really shifted a lot. I've lost a couple of like I was like can you not relate to me if?
Speaker 1:I don't have a glass of wine in my hand. But it's okay, it's all right, because I would rather be who you know here and have and make new friends and have you know real deep friendships than have it be surface level.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, would be surface level, yeah, yeah, and I think it the way that it's got to just be some kind of reflection back on them. Not, you know, it's not us putting out the vibe that we don't want to hang out with you if you still drink, because it's something that's coming in from them, inside of them, that they just don't want to see, don't want to, don't want to go there in their own mind. And so, yeah, it's not the best feeling when that happens, but then in the end I think it's the only way it's going to happen.
Speaker 1:I think it's sometimes other women. I mean it kind of forces them to look at them. They're drinking. I mean I know that when I was drinking and there was the one person who was not drinking, I'm like you're no fun and I don't want you to look at me while I'm drinking or like or judge me. You know for what I'm doing and I'm not. I don't you do you like? You drink as much as you. I'm not judging anybody for their, for their drinking. I'm just focused on me. You know and and what I'm, what I'm doing. But yeah, I think that that's it. It forces, not forces it.
Speaker 2:It, I think, nudges people to look at their own drinking yeah, if they yeah, if that's something that they're already kind of struggling with, then it is. It just becomes like a mirror onto them that it's not our you know, again, again, we're not doing it on purpose, we're not out here judging them, but it's inevitable, I think, with some people, based on what their relationship is at the time with alcohol.
Speaker 1:Yes, and you mentioned something about the habits before, about the link between you know you would start cooking in the evenings, and then that when you'd pour a glass of wine, and I think for me that was one of the biggest eye openers, that I had not connected this relationship between like my habits, like my just my day to day activities and and like pouring a glass of wine, and I was eye-opening for me. I couldn't believe it, that like you do it on autopilot. Sometimes it's five o'clock, it's Friday and I, you know I, it was just like automatic, without thought, yeah, the glass out of the cabinet, you said you're, you're a stemless wine glass, you're like all of those little subtle things, what you know. And then, and then, if it's right, you start cooking, if you're having a bad day, it's friday, happy hour, it's, I mean right, the links between all of these, and so I, it's, I get why it is so difficult sometimes to stop, yeah, or to think about stopping, because you have a lot invested in your habits with it, and so that really, I had to really like unravel, like a lot of that, those kind of habits, and replace it.
Speaker 1:Did you find this too, that like I had to like find other things to put in its place, or even like create a mocktail, or you know. Like you know, make, get my wine glass out and then like, but make like a, something like pretty in it and alcohol free and and, but just other things like Friday happy hour. I had, you know, I think I know at the beginning I found like a yoga class that was at like five o'clock on Fridays and that was my. That turned into my happy hour for a little while love that yeah yeah, what about you?
Speaker 1:do you feel like you had to like to kind of disconnect these like unlink these like habits from your wine?
Speaker 2:yes, totally, and the more once I started kind of learning about it too. It's like you really do build new neural pathways I mean those neural pathways that were there, that were such the the habit of five o'clock starting dinner wine to let those pathways go away and build these new ones. That was what I really focused on, probably for the first six months, because once I knew what I was doing, it was empowering to know that that is actually what I was doing. So, yeah, with the glass and the mocktail, I mean, I probably I felt like I spent more money on mocktails at the beginning than I used to on wine, because some of them are expensive. I love those curious elixirs I don't know if you've tried those brand. They're so good but they're a little pricey. So, but then eventually I got to where I didn't have to have the mocktail anymore and just anything was fine. But I gave myself all the grace in the world during those first times doing that. So that was the one and then I would.
Speaker 2:My like habit routine was to stay in the kitchen after dinner, you know, cleaning up or and then like scrolling, you know, on the internet and still drinking. So I knew I got to get my butt out of the kitchen once, once dinner was over. So I kind of went to a new location, like I'd go to the LA, sit up on my bed, watch TV and have hot tea. So that became like my new evening ritual and I just did that over and over and over again until that's what my body craved and that's what I wanted, because the cravings too I'm I'm sure you probably had the those cravings that would hit and then just learning how to ride it out, knowing that it would go away. But having those new rituals in place, then those would, they just disappeared.
Speaker 2:I mean, I never thought that I could at originally, like I didn't think I would ever be able to not think about wine when I was cooking dinner. And you know, I mean I just made dinner last night, didn't even? I don't even think I had water out. I probably should have had some water. But you know it just it, just it all went away. It just shows how our brains can change and heal and that's so encouraging to knowing we can change all of that. So, and I love the I've there's a six o'clock yoga class now that I've on fridays that I've kind of started going to. I didn't have that back then, but it's.
Speaker 1:It's great to find those things to do instead yeah, yeah, I definitely, I almost like I I have to like maybe find my old list somewhere, but I remember making a list of, like just you know, kind of brainstorming, a list of all the things that I could do in its place when I had those. You know, like those connections, yeah, that's great. Yeah, I think that makes the difference between, like you know, knowing that you're having a craving and that cravings are temporary. You know, like cravings will, you can behind it, that you want to, right, just know that those cravings dissipate and that you're replacing them. Like you know, you had your evening tea every night. It sounds like you went up to your bedroom, right? So you're like away from your kitchen, like away from, like the trigger room, right?
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah.
Speaker 1:I mean, this is no different really than food. You you know like we're talking about, like weight loss and food and stuff. So that's you know?
Speaker 1:yeah, really good, just reminders. So you focus on women in midlife and empty nesting. Is there, did you get? I know that you're? This is your story too right that you're that you're in mid your story too right that you're that you're a in midlife and empty nesting, or about to be an empty nester, I mean in a year? Um, do you find that this age group is different in some way?
Speaker 2:yeah, I feel like it's such a great opportunity for for change, for potential, because everything is really about the change. I mean everything that we've spent the last 20 years doing, or more. If you have more than one child, then it could span even longer than that amount of time. So once they start, they're kind of leaving and starting their life, and I can see how there can be that feeling of well, now, what about me? This was my goal was to get you to launch, but I didn't really spend a.
Speaker 2:I feel like it's just this amazing opportunity to find out what you really like to do rediscover, especially once getting the alcohol out of the picture, like I was able to rediscover things that I just, you know, forgot about. That I didn't that I probably like that. I liked back for when I was in my 20s and then just let it go away. Back for when I was in my 20s and then just let it go away, and then being able to also see, like, the health benefits that can come from it. I mean, when you're in your 20s drinking, 30s drinking yeah, you're not going to feel great all the time, but it's definitely hits a little different once you've, you know, passed into that middle age mark. I mean, even just the way that we metabolize especially women metabolize alcohol changes once we've gone through menopause, and so it's all just affecting us differently too.
Speaker 2:So I feel like it's just a great time to just let it go, or at least try letting it go, and see how you feel, and see what comes up and what you can imagine for yourself now. Yeah, because I mean during this time, like I've started a whole new career, you know. So it's just something that I never. If I was still stuck in the kitchen drinking every night, that's what I would still be doing, you know tonight. So, with getting it out is what it's just changed, and, and you know, you kind of feel a little bit of that liberation too, once your kids are growing up, I mean, it's they're doing their thing and they don't need you for all the things anymore, and so it gives you that sense of okay, now it's my time to really focus on me.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, I mean, I totally get what you're saying and and I think that's it is such a good opportunity to consider maybe losing the one. You know our wine habits and everything. But I feel like there's also, like I had said before, like I knew like there was, that it was almost like a crossroads, like I could have stayed drinking and said like, oh phew, we finally made it, my kids are out of the house.
Speaker 1:They're living on their own, you know, and that's what's happening and and you know. So let's celebrate every night and let's, you know, like you know, let's let's open up a new bottle of wine, because without my kids at home and like them, like sort of watching over, you know, or seeing what I was doing, I could have seen myself going down a more, a bigger road. And I mean, you know, the thing is, I don't know if you've like read statistics, but drinking in midlife is definitely, and I probably, from COVID on, really went gangbusters, I mean. So, like, I mean heavy drinking with women in midlife, yeah, and it's not great, I mean it's not, it's like a. The statistics are really kind of alarming and yeah, and then throw in you know all the like health issues, midlife menopause, your incidents for heart disease, strokes, cancers, I mean it all boom like goes way up at this point.
Speaker 1:So the connection between alcohol and health issues is huge. And then not being able to metabolize alcohol like we used to, yes, so it is a great time to consider losing alcohol from your life, but sometimes, you know, I could see I just have some people, I know that like, I mean it's very ingrained in them. I mean don't talk to them about, like, stopping drinking, like it's not going to happen. I mean maybe it will, but a big part of their lives. But everyone's different right.
Speaker 1:I mean everyone does things on their own, their own terms. Tell me you know just what have you seen from women in midlife empty nesting.
Speaker 2:I mean, have you seen, like, really, that pops up the most, you know, and just oh, I could not necessarily starting their own business, but or starting or if they're, you know, had artistic aspirations before, like that coming back, like creativity, I would say, is sort of the what kind of is the underlying characteristic and all of the things that pop up is that your creativity surges and you can actually start to delve into it more. So, yeah, I think that would be the biggest, the biggest thing. And then energy. You know, that is something that I think we just assume as we get older, that we're going to have less and less energy, but I try drinking and yes, right I mean right.
Speaker 1:I mean mean at least like right taking away that like sedative. It is gonna absolutely like benefit your energy.
Speaker 2:Yeah and so then you've got, you know, somebody's a traveler like all of a sudden, now that's just easier, more enjoyable and yeah, and everything with the whole cancer thing is that really surprised me, seeing the statistics with that, especially breast cancer, you know something that we know.
Speaker 2:Obviously that's something that, for women, is one of probably always in the back of most of our heads is you know, whether you have a family history or not, and once I saw how much you know even one drink a day greatly increases your risk for breast cancer and I was like what it's like? It's just all of these, the things that I thought I was doing to be so healthy in every other way of my life, but then drinking every night, which just completely, you know, not only canceled it out but also canceled out the good things I was doing, and then it was increasing my risk too. So I think you know I know we can't completely control whether or not it's going to happen to us, but feeling like you've got a little bit, a teeny bit of control in that regard, like just taking this out, will help, will not increase my risk anymore.
Speaker 1:So yes, absolutely yeah, and that's kind of a good feeling that at least you might know that you're not contributing or eating and abetting you know more risk and I think some other things I mean just to.
Speaker 1:I don't know when you stop drinking. Some other things I mean just to. I don't know when you stop drinking, just the clarity you have in your head. I mean it's not that life turns like all of a sudden into like a miraculous, like bed of roses every single day, but it the peace of mind I know that I have, it just is outweighs anything.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it outweighs that like urge to go and like start drinking again and oh yeah, no yeah, and I don't know if you, I had just I didn't realize the um kind of level of anxiety that I had. That was just sort of a baseline like jitteriness feeling. I thought that was because I had kids and I had this, and then taking it once the alcohol got out after that was probably one of the things I really noticed. After about a full month of being alcohol free, I was like I don't feel this racing of my heart anymore when I'm just, you know, doing nothing, whereas before I always just felt this low lying level of anxiety and that's gone away. I mean, I can still be anxious, I can be anxious about things, it's not like I can't be, but it's not just constant low-grade anxiety. That was a huge eye-opening thing for me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean all that alcohol and all that disrupted sleep gives you.
Speaker 2:I mean that's right, I mean.
Speaker 1:So at least, if you're going to have anxiety, have it with a clear head Right and not because of you know too many glasses of wine the night before, because I know I find nothing worse than that feeling. Oh yeah, it's called anxiety. Ready to hang over with anxiety? Yes, yeah, the worst combination yeah the worst. So any other takeaways do you think, for women I mean? I think, like we said, I think this is midlife and just this empty nest time is such a good time to consider if you're considering it going alcohol free.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and so I would. I know it can feel scary, right Cause we both sort of talked about that and you think about your social connections and just your traditions, even and I just want to encourage anybody that you can work through those, like those things eventually become completely forgotten, like you don't worry about the social part anymore. You don't worry about you know, if you're going on your vacation, your family vacation, where you would always have drinks with your family or whatever, like that part of it goes away quickly. So I just don't want anybody to feel like that's what's holding them back or and also like the stigma of, oh, I'm reevaluating my relationship with alcohol. What are people going to think? I mean, in that thing, you do have to work through it, which we also discussed. It is, it's a real feeling, but it's so worth it. On the other side, it's like impossible to describe sometimes how worth it is.
Speaker 2:So so I just the things that that people have in their mind that's holding them back. I just encourage them to to work through those to understand that it's normal to have those feelings, but they will all be gone once you've made it through to the other side.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, I mean, I know that I struggle. I mean I feel like I almost like still struggle a tiny every once in a while. I think it's just a very old habit that I'm like, oh, a holiday's coming, oh yeah. Yeah, you know, I have family members who still, you know, alcohol is very central to the holiday, and it's just a habit.
Speaker 1:It's not that I'm going to go and drink, but it's just that initial, like initial, like everyone else is drinking, but I but I think the new habit for me, though, is to consider what I'm going to be feeling like the next day. I'm going to be getting up on the next morning and going to the gym, and you are not, because you are going to be very hungover and feeling miserable, and I mean, yeah. So I think that's another good thing to think about, just like just those triggers that you think I can never like. There's no way I can survive a holiday without alcohol. There's no way it's my birthday. I can't do that unless I, like I'm drinking champagne. You absolutely can, exactly, you can, and you can do it and actually have fun. Yeah, yes.
Speaker 2:Yeah, getting through all those first year things was so. You know, once you, once you did everything the first Christmas, your first birthday, all of that. Once you get it behind you, once you're like, well, I can do it again, absolutely you know, you might be an example to somebody else too in your family and encourage her. You know too.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah. Well, Emily, this was such a great talk I'm so happy to always meet other people who have a similar story as me and and tell me what you do with clients, how you work with them and where they can find you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I my Instagram handle and my is living free with Emily, and then my website is living free with emilycom and I am about to launch a 12 week group program. I feel like group programs are super helpful because you are able to connect with other women that are at the same stage as you. So we'll move through what modules? With some live videos, live group calls and then the Slack community to be able to support each other through that 12-week period. So that's launching May 12th and you can get on the wait list on my website. And I also have a free quiz that's called what's your alcohol empowered, alcohol free personality. So just a fun quiz to kind of show you what your, if you were alcohol free, what was your personality reflects that alcohol free empowerment of it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's fun. So that's on my website too. And yeah, so I'm excited to working in the group format with with women. I just I love the opportunity to build that connection and that community. That's really what I'm drawn to. So so, yeah, that's the that's where I am and that's what I'm doing. So, yeah, that's where I am and that's what I'm doing.
Speaker 1:I think that sounds great, because quitting alcohol can feel very lonely and I think community around it is really everything, and I think so when you have other women who are going through the same thing with you, it's hugely impactful and I think it helps with your commitment to staying alcohol free. So, that's fantastic. So May 12th? Okay, well, those links will be in my show notes and everyone can reach out there. And, emily, thank you so much. I really appreciate you telling your story and look forward to seeing what you do. Thank you.
Speaker 2:Thank you for sharing yours too. I love having these conversations with fellow alcohol-free people.
Speaker 1:Yeah, me too. Okay, thank you Thanks.