118. The Messy, Honest Truth About Change After 40

Change is a part of life—but in your 40s and beyond, it can feel messier, more emotional, and a lot harder to navigate. In this episode, I’m digging into why change often hits differently in midlife, the feelings it stirs up (spoiler: you’re not alone!), and how to move through it with more ease and self-compassion. 

Whether you’re facing shifts in your health, relationships, career, or sense of self, this conversation is here to remind you that it’s okay to feel all the things—and that there’s real strength on the other side of transition.

THE WELL NOURISHED WOMAN COMMUNITY

👉 Want more support? Join The Well Nourished Woman—my free, off-social-media community for women 40+ navigating midlife health, hormones, and life changes. Get all the details and sign up, click HERE

MOCKTAIL AND MINGLE WITH ME

✨ Are you local to me in Southport, CT? Don’t miss my upcoming Mocktail & Mingle:Everything Changes After 40  event May 20th at 6:30pm—a fun, relaxed evening to connect, sip, and talk all things midlife. Grab your spot HERE to RSVP SPACE IS LIMITED!

✨ If you are not local join me on Zoom to Mocktail and Mingle! May 22nd at 6:30pm, same talk just in your sweats :) Click HERE to RSVP

Chapters

• 1:20 Welcome and Well-Nourished Woman Community
• 3:47 Upcoming Mocktail Events
• 5:01 Why Change Feels Harder In Midlife
• 9:20 Emotional Responses to Midlife Change
• 10:42 Finding the Silver Linings
• 12:24 Practical Strategies for Navigating Change
• 18:29 Final Thoughts and Community Invitation

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:40

Hello everybody and welcome back to the Real Food Stories podcast. I'm so glad you're here with me today, but before we dive in, I want to tell you about something so exciting that I have been working on, which is my well-nourished woman community. If you've ever felt like you're navigating the changes of midlife and there's a lot of them, whether it's hormones, health shifts, just life in general and you've thought I wish I had a place to talk about this with women who really get it, this is exactly that space. It's a free, supportive community for women 40 plus, for women 40 plus any woman 40 and older, where we focus on real conversations, practical guidance and building a sense of connection. And inside you'll find monthly Q&A sessions with me, mini challenges, member spotlights, recipes, plenty of ways to feel supported, without any of the pressure or perfectionism that can sneak into that wellness space. And here's something I know a lot of you will appreciate this isn't a Facebook group or part of social media. It's hosted completely off social platforms. So it's a calmer, more intentional space where you can show up as you are, without all of that noise and ads and other wellness gurus kind of taking up space and screaming at you no distractions. So my whole goal with this community is to create a place where you feel seen, heard and empowered, whether you're brand new to thinking about your health and midlife or you've even been at it for a while. I've heard you and I have listened. If that sounds like something you've been craving, I'd love for you to join us. And just to note, this is for any woman in their 40s and beyond. You can head over to the link that is in my show notes very clearly Just click, sign up. It's super easy and totally free.

Speaker 1: 2:52

And one more thing I want to not forget to mention On May 20th, I am having a Mocktail and Mingle event in person. Yes, let's meet live at my teaching kitchen in Southport, connecticut, to talk about food, hormones and health in our 40s and beyond. We will make a mocktail, we will have some great appetizers and just a really nice opportunity to get together in person. Nice opportunity to get together in person. There's so much change, there's so much confusion out there and I want to have a casual yet sort of intimate conversation with you to talk about how to get clear on your health as we get into midlife. So let's gather and clear the air life. So let's gather and clear the air, enjoy a mocktail and some delicious light bites. And if you are not able to make the live event or if you don't live near me, I am having the same gathering online on May 22nd on Zoom, minus the live mocktails and appetizers, but I am giving away all of these recipes and you will be able to get those recipes too. All the details are in the show notes. I would love nothing more than to meet you in person or on Zoom, so I hope you can make either one.

Speaker 1: 4:18

All right, let's get into today's conversation. I have been thinking so much lately. This has just been on my mind on repeat because this comes up all the time in my own life, in conversations with clients in the community, and the topic of change, specifically how we deal with change in our 40s and beyond, is really up for so many people right now. I mean, I feel like this is all I talk to my friends about, all I talk to clients about, and it's just a thing, and I thought let's talk about it then on the podcast. Now we all know that change is just a part of life. Right, it's always happening. There's nothing you can do about change. We have to embrace change.

Speaker 1: 5:10

But something feels different about the changes that come in midlife and, honestly, I have had moments of going into midlife kicking and screaming, because these changes often feel deeper, more layered and, let's be honest, a lot more emotional. Whether it's been my health, my body, my relationships, my career or even just my sense of self, my purpose in life, things start shifting in ways that can feel surprising and even unsettling, or downright just uncomfortable. So today's episode we're going to dig into why change feels harder as we get older, what kind of emotions it can bring up and, importantly, how we can navigate it in a way that feels a little more grounded and a lot more compassionate. We can navigate it in a way that feels a little more grounded and a lot more compassionate. So if you're feeling like life has thrown you some curveballs lately or you're bracing yourself for some big shifts, you are definitely not alone. Let's talk about it.

Speaker 1: 6:18

All right, let's start by looking at the kinds of change that comes up in midlife, because it's not just about one thing. We've got the physical changes, things like shifting hormones, perimenopause, menopause, your metabolism slowing down, new aches and pains showing up where they never used to, and just this general sense that your body is different now. Then there's the emotional and psychological changes. Maybe you're questioning your identity, who you are, outside of your roles as a parent, a partner in your career. Maybe you have a new role as a caregiver to your aging parents. You might notice your confidence waver in ways that you just didn't expect. And of course, there are the life circumstance changes. Your kids might be growing up and leaving home. Are you empty nesting now? Are you getting used to that? That's a huge change. When there's no kids in your house anymore, you could be caring for your aging parents, like I said before, or facing relationship changes, career pivots, getting laid off or even just dealing with loss. It's a lot.

Speaker 1: 7:38

So why does it feel like change hits harder now than it did when we were younger? I think one big reason is that as we age, our brains literally become more risk-averse. We crave stability and familiar circumstances, and anything that shakes that up can feel threatening. Anything that shakes that up can feel threatening. And there's also the grief piece Grieving your younger self, the body you used to have, the life you thought you'd have by now. That can be a lot. Even if you're excited about what's next, there's often an underlying sadness about what's shifting or being left behind.

Speaker 1: 8:19

And let's not forget about the societal messages we get about aging. I mean, those are endless on social media, especially for women. The pressure to look young, to stay relevant, to keep it all together can make these changes feel even more loaded. I mean, I am on Instagram, I've clicked on one thing about a 50-plus-year-old woman and I am inundated by women who are size zero, who are just wanting to look like their young daughter selves and dress like them, and it's just a lot of pressure, I think, out on the internet. So the feelings that come up during these times are totally normal, but they can still feel uncomfortable and, let's be honest, it can feel kind of isolating, because it's hard to share these feelings out loud with people and wonder if they get it like you get it.

Speaker 1: 9:24

And let's just give a little recap. You know there's fear of the unknown, resistance or denial, just wanting things to stay the same and not change. You might also be feeling a mix of excitement but also dread about what's next. In coming up and sometimes feeling invisible or overlooked, even while you're juggling more than ever, is definitely a feeling that I think a lot of women have. But here's the thing and I've seen this in my own life and in so many women I work with there are some gifts that come with this change too.

Speaker 1: 10:02

Yes, there can be some positives and some silver linings as we do get older. One thing I'm coming to realize, as I'm in my 50s and change is just happening at lightning speed, it seems like is that it's a chance to discover how resilient you really are. It can be a push for you to reinvent yourself or reconnect with parts of you that feel like they've gotten lost along the way. You get clearer on what really matters and learn to set stronger boundaries. That is absolutely one thing that has been a big focus of mine is really weeding out what matters to me and what doesn't, and the boundaries. That's been huge, and you start to build a deep, unapologetic self-compassion that wasn't as strong when you were younger. So think about it for a minute. Does this resonate with you? Because this certainly has been resonating with me lately.

Speaker 1: 11:08

We don't need to apologize for what our bodies look like. We don't need to apologize for how many times we've gotten to the gym, or how much weight we're lifting right now, or how we're eating exactly. Did we get enough protein grams in? I mean, the pressure is real and it's hard to sometimes go with change when we've been rooted in certain habits and you don't have to change if you don't want to, and that's a good thing. So how do we move through all of this in a way that feels a little less overwhelming?

Speaker 1: 11:44

There's a couple of things I thought about. First, I want you to acknowledge your feelings. Whatever you're feeling sadness, fear, excitement it's all valid. Give yourself space to feel it all valid. Give yourself space to feel it. One thing that I am a big fan of and I have talked about many, many times on the podcast with my clients. I don't know if so many people are that into this practice, but the practice of journaling is something that has absolutely changed my life. I mean, I've been journaling for my entire life, so it's not something that's just changing my life, but I cannot live without my journal and getting my feelings out onto paper. Even if you have to write it out, rip it up, throw it in the garbage, this is not for anyone else to see. This is just to get your feelings out. It feels really, really good once you can do that and if you can get yourself into a daily or a couple times a week habit, even better, all right. Number two to just moving through this season of change so it feels a little less overwhelming. Lean on your support system. Now.

Speaker 1: 13:06

I know firsthand that going through perimenopause in my 40s and going through menopause and all the changes that have come with it can feel very, very lonely and very isolating. That have come with it can feel very, very lonely and very isolating. When I was going through perimenopause in my 40s, no one was talking about it, even my doctors, so it was something that I had to really keep to myself. My friends were not talking about going into perimenopause and that felt very isolating. So, whether that's you know, you have friends who are now maybe talking about things more your therapist or the community, like I mentioned before, our well-nourished woman community. Don't try to do this all alone. It's not worth it, it feels bad and it just doesn't feel like you can really move the needle sometimes when you're doing this all alone.

Speaker 1: 14:08

Next thing I wanted to talk about was just to stay curious and I know that this sounds so simple, but shifting from fear to curiosity and asking yourself what can I learn from this experience right now can be really, really powerful. Now can be really, really powerful. If you want to get a little woo-woo, you know you can. I don't know if you feel this way, as I do, but I do believe that things happen for a reason and that we have some guidance and there's no accidents. So listen and see what the universe is telling you. What can I learn from this is a really powerful question.

Speaker 1: 14:57

Next up, take care of your foundation, and what I mean by foundation is prioritizing our nourishing food, our movement, our sleep. Our nourishing food, our movement, our sleep, our stress really really making these the priority in our lives right now. I cannot stress this enough how important this is. When we're in our 40s and into our 50s and 60s, we have to start looking at what we are nourishing ourselves with. We cannot get away with what we were doing back in our 20s and 30s. We just can't anymore. So that is our vegetable intake, our protein, our good carbohydrates and whole grains. How much alcohol are you drinking? What kind of movement are you doing? We want to start shifting from doing more cardio and just really concentrate on lifting heavy weights. Lifting weights because that helps build muscle and muscle helps with your metabolism, our sleep. Sleep is everything. It's my number one priority in life. If I don't get a good night's sleep, I feel like I am just down for the count the next day.

Speaker 1: 16:12

And our stress management how do we deal with stress? Are we just constantly in a cloud of stress or are we learning to work through it through journaling or meditating or yoga or something to help just bring down your stress? Because when your body is supported, it's so much easier to handle emotional upheaval. All right, last one, let's start thinking about letting go of perfection. And we women are in a battle right now, at this age, because I mentioned before the people on social media, the anti-aging movement. Just the pressure to age in reverse almost is just out of control. Out of control Now.

Speaker 1: 17:12

Change is messy, right, we want to learn how to change and roll and embrace the change, but we don't have to be perfect about it. So change is messy, that's normal. Give yourself permission to do it imperfectly. Sometimes it's two steps forward, one step back, with your eating, with weight loss, with exercise it's not a perfectly straight line and give yourself a break and a huge pat on the back for every single time you make a healthy move in the right direction. So I know this firsthand, which is why I'm talking about it today. I know this pressure to feel change and to roll with it and not do it perfectly, and the pressure to look a certain way and make sure you're lifting enough weights and make sure you're eating enough protein and doing all the things I totally get it and making sure you don't have too many wrinkles on your face and oh, did I lie in the sun too much when I was younger and and it's just a lot of pressure. And I myself am just learning to just just ease into the change of it all and roll with it and not do it perfectly. It's not easy sometimes, but it's necessary.

Speaker 1: 18:35

So if you're in the middle of a big change right now, or even just feeling that low hum of transition, you are absolutely not alone. Midlife is so full of twists and turns, reimagining yourself, reinventing yourself, figuring out your purpose and your next moves in life, but it's also full of so much opportunity to step into a stronger, more authentic version of yourself. I love that word opportunity so much. I just think it just gives such a positive spin on things. This is opportunity that you haven't even really imagined yet. So be open to the process and let go of the perfectionism and you're going to be just fine.

Speaker 1: 19:22

Now, if you want to keep this conversation going, please come join us in the Well-Nourished Woman community. It's totally safe. It's very supportive. You can connect with other women who are right there with you and you can just come in and browse around. You can check things out the messages, the events and just please come. I would love it. All right, that's a wrap for today. Thank you so much for tuning in and listening. Please take care of yourself and I will see you next time. Have a great day.