122. Why Cooking Feels Like Such a Chore (and How to Learn to Love It)

Ever found yourself staring into the refrigerator, completely drained by the thought of cooking yet another meal? After decades of feeding others and managing everyone's food preferences, midlife often brings a peculiar relationship with cooking – what once felt like an act of love now feels like just another chore to check off your list.

This burnout is completely normal. The mental load of cooking isn't just about the physical tasks; it's about the constant decision-making, the pressure to "do it right," and the loss of purpose many of us feel when our cooking routines change. Whether your kids have left home or you're simply tired of the endless meal planning cycle, the kitchen can become a space of exhaustion rather than creativity.

But what if cooking could become an act of self-love rather than obligation? In this episode, I share five practical strategies to transform your relationship with food preparation. From shifting your mindset to embracing seasonal cooking, these approaches help release the pressure and perfectionism that drain the joy from feeding ourselves. You'll discover how simple meals can be deeply nourishing, why setting the scene matters even when cooking for one, and how letting go of "shoulds" creates space for genuine pleasure in the kitchen.

UPDATE: I had originally planned to kick off the Summer Inspired Recipe Club this week—but after sitting with it, I’ve decided to pause. The truth is, I'm in a season of reassessment and deeper listening. Sometimes the best next step is to step back, breathe, and reimagine what nourishment really means—for me and for you.

Thank you for being here. This journey is ongoing, and I’m so grateful we’re on it together.

Chapters

• 0:00 Summer Inspired Recipe Club Announcement
• 3:31 Why Cooking Feels Like a Chore
• 5:37 Cooking as Self-Love in Midlife
• 7:22 Five Ways to Fall Back in Love
• 14:36 Seasonal Inspiration and Recipe Club
• 15:20 Final Thoughts on Cooking with Intention

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:40

Hey everybody, before we jump into today's episode, I wanted to tell you about something I created that I think you're going to love, especially if cooking has been feeling like a chore lately. It's called the Summer Inspired Recipe Club and it's all about bringing back the fun to your kitchen. This was inspired by what I know so many of us are feeling right now midlife burnout around food decision, fatigue and just wanting something that feels doable and delicious. So I thought what if we made this really easy, and what if we let the season lead us? What if we got back to enjoying simple meals, the kind that actually taste amazing and make you feel good? So that is what the Summer Inspired Recipe Club is all about. Now here's a couple of details. Starting on June 21st, you will get eight weeks of five fresh, nourishing recipes each week, totally inspired by the summer produce that is in season right then, so you can go to your farmer's market, find that produce and cook with it all week long. You will also get real time with me in my private community, where I answer questions about food cooking ingredients. No question is off the table in this community Simple steps that support your energy, your hormones and your health. We'll definitely talk about that when we're cooking our new recipes. Gentle reflection prompts, if you want them to help you reconnect with your plate and get mindful about eating and what you're eating and the joy of knowing. You don't have to figure this out alone. So there's zero pressure. It's just ideas, inspiration and a little weekly nudge to remind you that cooking can feel good again. So come join us. You can sign up. The link will be in my show notes and you can grab all the details then up. The link will be in my show notes and you can grab all the details then. Okay, so welcome back to the Real Food Stories podcast.

Speaker 1: 2:51

As you know, I am Heather Carey, culinary nutritionist, healthy food chef and midlife woman right there with you, and today we are talking about something that comes up all the time with the women I work with, and the question is why does cooking feel like such a chore and how do we stop dreading it? Now, if you're nodding along with me already, trust me, you are not alone, especially in midlife, because the truth is many of us are carrying years, sometimes decades, of burnout around food. We've been cooking, shopping, we've been meal planning, we've been serving and thinking about everyone else's food preferences and making other people happy for what feels like might be forever. And now we're here in midlife. The kids might be gone or they're just more independent. I know that my kids are definitely out of the house and maybe it's just you and your partner at the table, or maybe it's just you and cooking something that used to feel like love or creativity now might feel like one more thing that you have to get through in the day. Now listen, I love cooking. Okay, cooking is what I do for a living. But I have absolutely felt that burnout too. I mean, for years I cooked for five people every single day. I had a sense of purpose in that. I was nourishing other people and I loved it. I felt needed, I was appreciated mostly. But now it's just me and my husband most nights. And, I'll be honest, there are days when I stare at the refrigerator and think, why bother? Or I'm too tired or I'm just not feeling inspired. But here's what I've come to believe and what I want to talk to you about today Cooking for yourself in midlife isn't a chore. It's an act of self-love and self-care. It's an act of self-respect and kind of a reclaiming.

Speaker 1: 5:05

Now let's talk about why cooking sometimes just feels so hard. So let's name it and say it out loud we are burned out, not just from cooking itself, but from the mental load, the pressure to do it right, the Pinterest boards, the health trends, the overwhelm of information. There are too many ideas out there right now. You don't need to know 500 ways to blend and bake cottage cheese. You don't need to learn how to make a viral butter board or a three-hour meal prep system. That makes you feel like a failure if you don't follow it. Our meal prep system that makes you feel like a failure if you don't follow it.

Speaker 1: 5:52

What we need right now in midlife are healthy, simple meals that taste really good, food that feels like it fits into your life, not someone else's Instagram grid. But most of us are stuck in kind of a weird place. We've lost the routine of cooking for a busy family. We feel very out of ideas, we're tired of making decisions about what to eat for dinner every single night, and we don't feel the same sense of purpose around food anymore. So instead of cooking being an expression of love for others, as most women are hardwired to do now, it needs to become an expression of love for yourself. And that shift takes a lot of practice, right to practice the self-care that we need to give ourselves. So let's talk about five ways that we can fall back in love with cooking. And maybe it's not going to be in love for many of you, maybe it'd just be like how about that? So let's talk about how to actually do this. No fluff, no guilt, no perfection. Here's five ways to rekindle your relationship with cooking in midlife.

Speaker 1: 6:58

Number one let's shift the story. Instead of thinking, what do I have to make for dinner tonight, ask yourself, how can I care for myself with food today? How do I want to feel with food today? Those questions can change everything, because cooking isn't about performance anymore. It's about nourishment for yourself. And nourishment isn't just nutrients, right. It's not just making sure you get enough of your protein allotment every single day, or your fiber, I mean. Those things obviously are very important, but it's also about comfort, it's about connection, pleasure, it's about self-respect and self-care. So give that some thoughts. When you're thinking I don't have anything to make for dinner tonight, think about how can I care for myself with my food today, all right.

Speaker 1: 7:54

Number two on the five ways to fall back in love with cooking. Keep it so simple that it's almost ridiculous. Okay, you do not need to cook a gourmet meal every single night. A big salad with roasted chickpeas and a really good homemade dressing would be just great. How about a piece of salmon with some roasted vegetables I do that often Scrambled eggs with kale and a piece of sourdough bread? That would be amazing. That's dinner, that's nourishment. It does not have to be Instagram worthy. It can just be nutritious and good for you and comforting. So start giving yourself permission to make food that is simple, satisfying and just enough. Okay.

Speaker 1: 8:47

Number three on how to fall back in love with cooking. Again, let's set the scene. Light a candle, turn on some music, pour a mocktail or a sparkling water with lime. Set the vibe, even if it's just for you. Think of cooking as a meditative process, sometimes while you're sitting there chopping carrots or stirring a soup or making your scrambled eggs. So when you romanticize your own meal, when you treat yourself the way you would treat a guest, it can change wildly how you experience it that you are cooking for the act of self-care for yourself. Number four on how to fall back in love with cooking let's let go of the shoulds.

Speaker 1: 9:38

You do not need to follow a perfect plan. You do not need to batch cook every Sunday. If that doesn't work for you, you might only cook two to three nights a week and eat leftovers. For the rest, you might have a rotation of five go-to meals and you just riff on them. There is no set rules for when it comes to meal planning and having a perfect plan. It's really what works best for you, knowing that the priority is nourishing yourself physically, mentally and emotionally. Now I don't have a perfect plan. I try to sit down on Sundays most weeks and plan out what I'm going to be cooking for dinner, and then I will make a grocery list on that and then I will go shopping. And sometimes it doesn't always work according to plan. Or sometimes we have friends who want to go out to dinner spontaneously. It's all okay. But as long as the priority is my nourishment on a physical, mental and emotional level, then I feel really okay. And it's not about perfection. You have a chance to start over the next week. So do what works, not what should work. All right.

Speaker 1: 10:59

And number five, about falling back in love with cooking get inspired by the seasons. Now, sometimes, when the new season happens, we've already been used to doing something the old way, right, we were kind of in winter and colder weather and we got used to making a lot of slow cooker meals and soups and stews. And all of a sudden it's 80 degrees out and sunny and things are growing in our gardens or at the farmer's market and we have to shift, we have to pivot, and that can get a little overwhelming sometimes because suddenly now we're cooking with tomatoes and cucumbers and zucchini where, as before, we were in winter squash and sweet potatoes, tomatoes, peaches, corn, berries. It actually takes the guesswork out of what to make and what brings joy back into your meals, right? Suddenly, wow, the Fresh Farmer's Market tomatoes taste amazing. How can we plan a meal around those? How can we plan a meal around summer squash those? How can we plan a meal around summer squash? And that is exactly why I created my Summer Inspired Recipe Club, because we're going to be doing exactly that highlighting a fruit, vegetable or herb every single week and then getting inspired by the five recipes that you will have.

Speaker 1: 12:39

So let's review our five ways to fall back in love with cooking, if cooking is just feeling like an absolute chore right now. Number one we wanna shift our story instead of thinking what do I have to make tonight, asking yourself how can I care for myself with food today? Number two we wanna keep it so simple. You do not need to cook gourmet meal every single night. Number three we want to keep it so simple. You do not need to cook a gourmet meal every single night. Number three we want to set the scene. Make your kitchen a relaxing, almost meditative space. Turn on music, pour a mocktail whatever you need to do to set the scene to make it a relaxing experience. Number four we want to let go of the shoulds. You do not need to follow a perfect plan. This is not about perfection and Instagram-worthy photos, right? This is just about nourishing yourself. And number five we definitely want to get inspired by the seasons. It helps with meal planning, it helps to decide what we're going going to cook and it makes it a lot more fun.

Speaker 1: 13:43

So again, I have my Summer Inspired Recipe Club coming up. It's an eight week experience, no pressure. Every week in your inbox, you get a new packet of recipes to try, and it's a lot of fun. All right, I wanna leave you with this. If cooking has started to feel like a chore. That doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. It means that you are human, you have done a lot in life, you're probably tired and you're in a new phase of life. Right, we have to shift how we cook now. Like I said, I went from cooking for five to just cooking for two. That felt very big for me.

Speaker 1: 14:24

But midlife is also a time to reclaim things and cooking can be one of them in a different way, not as a burden, but as a way to care for you, for yourself, like you have cared for everyone else.

Speaker 1: 14:39

You're worth the effort, even if it's just a 15-minute meal and even if it's just for you. So again, join me this summer in my Summer Inspired Recipe Club and let's make the summer the season that we bring joy back to our plates, one simple, delicious meal at a time. Because if cooking has been feeling like a chore, I hope today's episode gives you a little bit of permission to exhale and maybe even start to see things a little differently, because this phase of life, this phase of our life midlife, 40s and beyond it's like a reset, and how we feed ourselves with food, care and intention really matters. So if you want simple, supportive ways to bring some inspiration back to your kitchen this summer. Don't forget to join me in the Recipe Club. Link is in the show notes and we start June 21st. Cooking does not have to be complicated to be meaningful. All right, until next time, stay well nourished and hope to see you in the recipe club.